DB Bedford got charged $1.50 for extra hot sauce at a restaurant and felt irritated. He walks through what happened in his head: recognizing he was projecting his own expectations onto the server, noticing how anger killed his logic, and choosing to reframe her action as just doing her job instead of arguing.
Peace, fam. DB Bedford here, your emotional intelligence expert. I just wanted to get on real quick and talk about how I almost just shifted my whole mood, got an attitude, and probably was about to lose a little— not use my EI over some extra sauces. Yep, the EI guy was damn near about to flash over some extra sauce. So let me break it down for you real quick. First of all, I don't know about you, but there's something about— this is just one of my own pet peeves— about charging for sauce. And I know that a lot of people can defend why they charge, but I've always thought that— and maybe because I'm someone who— as a matter of fact, I know it's because I'm someone who adds— I'd rather add value And then charge for little bitty things. But that's me using projection bias, right? Me projecting onto others what I would do, which is what we talk about in the emotional intelligence platform, to be mindful, right, of what you project on the others. So I'm at one of my favorite spots getting something to eat. I actually love their sauce a lot, and I've spent a lot of money with these guys since they opened. I'm not going to mention the place because I like the place, right? But again, I thought this was a situation worth mentioning. So, uh, my— I will tell you that my order came up to, uh, $57. I'm buying every something for the family and myself. And in the midst of me ordering, like, I went outside and I thought about it and I came back in. I was like, oh yeah, can I get a couple of those hot sauces? And so the lady goes to charge me for the sauce. Now, every time I've come here, I've been here at least half a dozen times, when I ask for the sauce, nobody has charged me. Nobody's even said, you know, it's normally this, but I'm gonna give you that. Just put it in the box. So I realized the fact that she was charging me, the fact that I don't believe I should have been charged in the first place, whether I spent $57 or not, Was starting to irritate me because she was, she was, she stood firm on it was going to be extra whatever, $1.50. Now obviously the $1.50 is not the issue, it's the fact that I feel like you charging me and nobody else charged me. And again, I had a conversation yesterday where I made a post about the stories that we tell ourselves. So this time, I mean, because it's back to back for 2 days Are just good lessons, because I always want people to know that we have to practice emotional intelligence in every moment. And it's not always about the extreme or going off. It'd be the— it'd be how we are processing and handling things. And I just remember looking at her. It just, just happened. As I'm looking at her, I'm looking at her like actually wanting to start keep I said it once that, you know, we— nobody else ever charged me before. She was like, hey, I'm— I don't know what everybody else does. And so now I'm taking that as an attitude. So I had to start being careful because I was starting— I almost wanted to debate with her about why I shouldn't get charged for the sauce. But then I realized that projection bias, right? I was projecting onto her how I thought she should be handling it. And she's right. It doesn't matter what nobody else did. She She was just doing her job, and if the sauce cost 50 cents apiece, then that's just what it cost. I can either take it or leave it. But it wasn't until I realized that my emotions was getting high and my logic was lowering, and I reversed it and brought it back up, was I able to clearly see that she wasn't doing anything to me. She was just doing her job. Hopefully that's helpful to you. My name is DB Bedford, your emotional intelligence expert. Hey, if you find yourself tripping off petty stuff, I want you to think about projection bias. I want you thinking about, uh, higher the emotion, lower the logic, and also your own beliefs, because that is what drives you and you can take a strong opinion. And the strategy is to be able to pivot and take a new perspective on a situation so that you don't make a decision that you can't come back from, where you strain a relationship unnecessarily. All right, peace.
I was literally kicked off a Southwest flight before for being disrespectful.
