Conversation is Currency

Welcome to the Selling from the Heart podcast on the SalesCast Network. You've joined a global movement of sales professionals who are dedicated to being authentic and building trust. We call it selling from the heart. Together, we are on a mission to bring sincerity and substance to the sales profession we all love. Get ready to be inspired and equipped as we join our hosts, Larry Levine and Darrell Amy.

Great news! The Selling from the Heart book has been picked up by a New York publishing house and is now on the Barnes Noble website. To help fuel the growth in our movement of authenticity, it'd be awesome to get the book not just on the website but also on the shelves of Barnes Noble stores. To do this, we need to demonstrate how popular this book is by pre-ordering as many copies as possible. To thank you for helping me with this huge goal, when you preorder the book on barnesandnoble.com, I will say thank you with over $250 in special bonus items. To get started, please preorder Selling from the Heart on the barnesandnoble.com website. Then go to sellingfromtheheart.net/book to learn more about how to get your special bonus items. Thank you for your support as we continue to build this movement of authenticity inside the sales profession.

Hello and welcome back to the Selling From The Heart podcast. Your co-host, Darrell Amey, here today with Larry Levine. What's going on, Larry?

Oh man, you know, hey, it's always great seeing you. I'm super pumped up for our guest today in the Selling From The Heart podcast, but I don't know where the heck is this year going. We're knocking on the end of July, Darrell, already. Tell me what is happening.

It's going, it's fast and furious. And if you're listening to this in the middle of this summer, congratulations, you're staying focused. You're on point. That's our goal this summer is to keep everybody fired up, to keep everybody on task with selling from the heart, bringing authenticity, authentic relationships, meaningful value, all these components of trust to our clients, keeping it going during the summer. And Larry, it has been a fun summer. It was so much fun a couple of weeks ago having the conversation about how you plan your morning. And if you missed that, check the link in the show notes. You can get the recording. We're just now 2 weeks away from the rerelease of Selling from the Heart on barnesandnoble.com, and you can get your preorder copy right now. So many exciting things going on, Larry.

No, you know what a treat. I mean, who would have thought? And right, our listeners, you've heard, you've heard me say this over and over again. What would Selling from the Heart be if I didn't convince you to start this podcast 6 years ago? Nevertheless, I'm glad we're here. We've been on a journey together. over the last 5 years and bringing Selling from the Heart to the forefront. Just super grateful that now it's being re-released and it's being picked up at Barnes Noble. Absolutely amazing.

Yeah, and this is a movement of authenticity in the sales profession and all around the world. If you're new to this podcast, you've joined a growing movement of authenticity, sales professionals and leaders saying, I believe in being genuine, being authentic, building trust, all the things we call Selling from the Heart. We're so glad you're here. And when it comes to selling from the heart, emotional intelligence is one of the most critical areas that we can take a look at. And I'm so excited about our guest today. DB Bedford is the CEO and founder of I Never Worry Consulting. You got to love that. I Never Worry Consulting, a company that specializes in emotional intelligence and trains staff and leadership on how to effectively manage their behavior. and make better personal decisions to achieve positive results. He is about to release his 4th book tomorrow, EI Performance Coaching. DB, welcome to the Selling from the Heart podcast. It's great to have you here.

All right, all right, all right. What's up going on, gentlemen?

Oh, this, this is so good. But you know what? You gotta— I never worry this— you gotta rub some of that stuff on me, DB, because man, I'm telling you—

I have a feeling that's gonna happen, Larry.

You know what? We always have guests that come on at the right time for the right reason. So you gotta, you gotta have some of this wear off on me, DB.

Oh, it's baked right into the emotional intelligence. When you got the EI, you never worry because you understand the climate.

Oh, it's gonna be good. Well, as we get started, DB, you know the question that every guest on the Selling from the Heart podcast answers, and that is, DB, what does it mean to you to sell from the heart?

Selling from the heart to me means selling what you believe in. You know, I think some people, they're selling just because it's a job to them. But selling from the heart, when I hear that, it makes me think that you're selling something that you believe in. And then when you believe in something and you believe that it has value and it will help someone, then you're automatically selling from the heart. Because when you do something from the heart, you want to help someone, you want them to be better. And so No matter the product or service, if you believe that it will really solve the problem, enhance, you know, the performance, heal the pain, whatever it is, if you believe in it, then you're selling from the heart.

Oh, and this is good. And I'm glad, DB, you used the word believe because it's a big component of selling from the heart. Because in order to believe, you know, in order to believe in your product and the services and all the wonderful you know, things that your company has to offer. I think it starts if we flip this around is you gotta be, you have to believe in yourself. And believing in yourself means you gotta go down that journey to start working on your heart. 'Cause if you don't believe in yourself, it's gonna be hard for others to believe in you, your product, your service, or even the great company you work for. Agree?

Totally, totally, totally agree. You know, just in life, What happens, I think, as we are on this journey in life, we get stuck in a set of old beliefs. Right. And so a lot of our beliefs don't even belong to us. Right. They were downloaded to us as youth. And as you get older, you continue to govern yourself by those old beliefs. And you don't— no one is giving you the opportunity or the insight to realize that you can replace an old belief. With a new belief. So people who don't believe in themselves have probably been told that growing up, right? Some of us was always told by our parents, sit down and shut up, right? You know what I'm saying? Don't talk when grown folks is talking. If you tried to express yourself, right, you could not do that because their old belief was that you had to stay in a child's place. So if you experienced that, Um, long enough, then when you show up in the adult world and you haven't had a chance to, um, reevaluate, or, you know what I mean, or, or reimagine that belief, then you could be doubting yourself, uh, in whatever profession it is, and especially when it comes to selling.

Oh man, I can tell this is gonna be good.

Hey, DB, hey, DB, in a previous episode, Darryl dropped this. He goes, this is going to be a rider-downer. I have a feeling this is going to be a writer-downer.

Probably going to do some journaling after you hear this episode, I'm guessing. So for our listeners, and some of them just may be new to this concept of emotional intelligence, so I think it'd be a really great idea if you could just give a flyover of your perspective on emotional intelligence, what it is and why it's so critical to especially the sales profession.

I appreciate that. You know, so I— my role as an EI performance coach, when it comes to emotional intelligence, I like to simplify it by saying it's an opportunity for you to feel your emotions, but never let them overpower your intelligence. See, emotional intelligence is interesting because most of us know what we should or should not be doing. You know what you should say or not say. But boy, when you get in your feelings about something and get emotionally charged, then you don't always make the most logical decisions. You know, it's once been said that when emotions are high, logic tends to be low.

Mm-hmm.

And so emotional intelligence is your ability, right, to recognize when you, when you have a strong feeling about something or that mood that you slide into when you see something you don't like. you don't agree, or you don't understand. You tend to behave differently. And EI helps you put some space in between your responses so that you can connect with a more logical response.

Yeah, I just, I'm sitting here listening to what you're saying. And here's a word that just pops into my head. And I'd just be curious your thoughts on this is, where does your gut come into this? Does a gut, does a gut reaction to any of this come to mind? Because I'm just thinking about, you know, a lot of times is I'm a highly emotional guy. But sometimes that I just had a gut feeling about something that overrides some of this. And I might be looking at this through a different set of lens, but I'm just curious, does gut play a role in any of this?

Well, let's— oh, yeah, for sure. Let's frame it this way. So that was the DB response, right? Let me give you the technical definition of emotional intelligence, right? Emotional intelligence is 4 domains, right? Self-awareness, managing your reactions, situational awareness, and managing relationships. So situational awareness would probably align with what you're asking about your gut feeling, those spidey senses, right?

Yes.

Situational awareness is basically this constant observation. Should you engage, right, or not engage? You know, should you go there or not go there, right? Should I respond now Should I respond later? Maybe I shouldn't respond at all. And so that could, I think, a lot—

Right.

When you got that feeling like, wait a minute, like it's all internal. And I like to call those your Spidey senses. But we don't always have an opportunity to control how we react. I want to make sure that I put that out there because emotional intelligence is not about controlling because sometimes I'm just mad. You know what I mean? If I'm mad, I'm mad. Sometimes you're gonna get that face, that look, and I might even say something off the cuff. But it's really about managing that, right, and recognizing that I'm in that space. And so if you are intentional about practicing, you have— you'll have less of those. But it's not about trying to live a warm and fuzzy lifestyle. It's really about managing the way you react to situations.

So powerful. And you think of sales situations in particular, especially when there's a lot riding on the line, you know, your quota, your achievement, your identity, maybe even wrapped up in that, your fear of losing your job. I mean, there's, there's so many things lying emotionally stacked. It's the same thing on the other side of the table, right? The buyer. What if I make a bad decision? What if this cost me my job? What if this is miserable? Like, there's so much emotion in a buying decision in so many cases. So as sales professionals, knowing that we're coming in a lot of times highly charged, that the person on the other side of the table, even if we're totally chill, what do we do when we walk into a situation Like any sales engagement where things are highly emotionally charged? Like, what is— what's the— what do you do as a sales professional?

Yeah. So I've never been in sales, so I can only imagine what the environment may feel like. But I do know that being calm in any situation, increases the opportunity to connect, right? And conversation is currency. So I want to make sure that I'm having the right conversation at the right time. And sometimes you can get emotionally connected. Like, I know that I'm really bothered when a salesperson catches me on the phone, when they call from a number. Right now, they just, you know, they're slick now. They use local numbers and, you know, and then they— you pick up the phone and you're like, You're calling me by my name like you know me, right?

Mm-hmm.

And, but then when you realize that I don't know you, you start to try to go into whatever it is that you're doing. And so I think that it is very important to just try to build rapport and relationship with someone. And before you offer them, right, and not try to sell them, you should be listening for what it is that you can offer. Because all humans don't mind having value added to them. Right? But they don't want you to feel like they're being tricked out of something. So I'm not sure if you were talking about a sales meeting or a sales opportunity, but wherever you are, there you are.

Yeah.

So it is important to be intentional of how you want to show up. And I think that it is really about— we talk about selling from the heart, just, you know, being authentic to who you, who you actually, you know, who you are, and not trying to be what you think I— you think someone else thinks you should be. Just be who you are. Be genuine about what, you know, what you have to offer. And I'll pause after this and be honest about what rejection feels like to you.

Hmm.

You know, because a lot of people don't like to deal with rejection at all. You know, the word no or not right now. And so I— if I was a salesperson, I would really go back to, um, that belief of mine and that value around being told no and rejection and what that actually means to me so that I can show up in my best version of myself when I hear that and I don't get frantic or I don't overdo it or overreact because I'm not very familiar with that feeling.

Oh, this is, this is good stuff. And I'm, I'm a big believer that authenticity requires practice. I firmly believe that we have to practice this. And there had to have been a time in your life, if you— when you look back on this, that emotional intelligence, you weren't at that level you're at today. So, right? It's just like, yeah, right? Just like, there, there had— what was that turning point where you go, you know what, I'm getting this, I'm getting this, and I'm gonna flip this into helping others unpack what emotional intelligence is. Can you walk us through that? Because I'm fascinated by this because authenticity requires practice and what you're saying requires it as well.

I appreciate that. So I'm a guy, you know, I give it to you straight. That's all I know. So definitely, I was not emotionally intelligent. I grew up in Oakland, California, in an area called Brookfield. In the mid-'80s or so, I was about 12 or 13 years old. In the neighborhood I grew up, I was introduced to, you quickly knew that you had to be the lion or the gazelle, right? Because, you know, a simple walk to the store, I mean, you get, you know, your bike took, chased home, like you're gonna have to fight. Let's just put it that way. And that became my way of life. I was raised that conflict meant violence. And that started at the age of 12 or 13. That's the only way we handled things. And if I didn't—

Mm-hmm.

Responding that way, I was looked at as being weak, a punk, a sucker. And it caused more problems not showing up in a way that defended yourself violently. So that's an old belief. But I took that from ages 13 to 23. I sold drugs in the community. I was part of the problem. Around age 22-ish or so, I lost my temper to the extreme. I tried to take a man's life over something super simple.

Mm-hmm.

I bought my first house, and he was a— he was a roofer. And so he put the roof on my house, but he didn't finish the job. And I kept asking him, when was he going to finish? And, you know, he would say, oh, man, I— and let me put it in perspective. The roof is done. It's just like, it's not cleaned up. He didn't clean up behind himself. Gutters. So the roof itself is done, but I'm— I want it to be completely done. And the fact that he kept telling me he was going to finish and he didn't— watch this— felt like disrespect to me. So my belief about disrespect at the time, based on how I was raised, meant I had to do something to him.

Wow.

So I lost my cool, tried to take his life, chased him down the street. Prayerfully, he did not lose his life. I ended up in jail, on my way to prison for 8 years. A judge, Judge Larry Goodman, Superior Court judge, seen something in me that I didn't even see in myself. gave me an opportunity to work in a program that he had. I took the opportunity, and from there I ended up getting my felonies expunged and reduced. And I ended up going back and working for the same probation department that I once was locked up at. And I worked there for 17 years.

Wow.

And then I took early retirement 6 years ago to do emotional intelligence. And so to wrap that up, all of my life experiences and all the lives I've seen be taken and the people who go to jail, the relationships I've seen fail amongst the community. Uh, and then when I worked in the probation department, I was the compliance and standards supervisor. So all of the investigations of employees also came from people losing their cool. So I clearly seen that emotions was the undercurrent of all, at least my poor decision-making and lack of judgment. It was very consistent with others.

Mm-hmm.

So I felt like this was, this was my new And I'll be honest with you, I didn't choose this. It chose me.

It sounds— what a story. And, um, I'm so excited to, to hear the rest of this conversation about I never worry. How do we get to that? So we're gonna dive into that topic in just a few moments after we hear from a former podcast guest, Cynthia Barnes, our good friend, about what it means to her to sell from the heart. Darryl here, and I'm excited to share with you one of the most innovative tools we've come across in a long time. Our partners at Why Institute have developed an amazing platform that helps people discover their why operating system. It's truly amazing. In 10 minutes or less, you can know why you do what you do, how you bring your why to life, and what people can count on you for. It's truly the first step in self-awareness. If you're a coach or a sales leader who believes in helping your people understand who they are so they can be the best version of themselves, you've gotta check this out. All you need to do is go to yinstitute.com and look for the WHY Certification page. We'll put the link in the show notes. When you reach out to the WHY Institute, let them know you heard about it here on Selling from the heart, and you'll be on your way to helping your team discover what drives them.

Selling from the heart is completely taking self out of selling. And it's really hard because as sales professionals, we have quotas, we have dreams, we have goals, we have ambitions, we have that new Brahmin purse that we want, we, those new Michael the core shoes that we want, things like that. However, there was an old quote that said, if you focus enough on helping enough people get where they want to go, you will ultimately get where you want to go. So selling from the heart to me means being selfless, being a servant, and then ultimately knowing that when I put good out there, the universe rewards me tenfold.

Oh, I love it.

I love it. Beautiful. Beautiful. By the way, Cynthia, shout out to you. And if you're listening and you want to be featured on a future episode of Selling from the Heart, just text the word video to 21000. That's video to 21000. We'll get you instructions on how to submit your video about what it means to you to sell from the heart. We're here with DB Bedford. And DB, that— the story is incredible. And I can definitely see how this became a calling on your life. So I never worry. I never worry.

Hey, say that one again, Darrell, because I got to lay on the couch now.

That's extra. That's not included in this episode. Seriously, though, I never worry. That sounds like an incredible life, and it sounds, especially for salespeople, a really long way away. So I Never Worry, unpack that for us, if you would, DB.

Yeah, for sure. So basically, you know, I Never Worry, I created that. It used to be called Never Worry. And I created this, it was a t-shirt company I created back in 1995 when I was transitioning out of that street life and wanting to go legit and be a better version of myself. And the community I was raised in was plagued with stress, and anxiety.

Hmm.

You know, we live in food deserts where there's no grocery stores nearby, but you can get a gun, you know, but you can't get, you know, a basket of fruit. And so seeing how it was having an impact on people's decision-making, I wanted to try to create something, really start as a sense of hope, right? Another way to look at things. And as I matured and grew professionally, I went from never worry to I never worry. And went— as practicing emotional intelligence, you know, you understand that it doesn't make any sense to worry about anything. There's a saying that says, if you stress or worry about something, you just put yourself through it twice.

Mm-hmm.

Right?

Because you have no control over what happens. You only can manage the way you respond to what happens. And so it became a, a sense of personal freedom for me. Wake up every day not concerned about what might happen or what's happening because I am conditioned to respond or reply in a way that's going to keep my day light. You know, I'm not going to allow any particular situation to weigh too heavy. And that's because I'm really good at processing information. And that comes through— Practicing emotional intelligence and the skills that are involved in doing so.

So yeah, I'm sitting here going, OK, I never worry. I never worry. I'm the big worrywart that's out there. But that's just, you know, it's something that I constantly work on. So speak to people like me who are always that worrier. What are a couple of things, you know, just to get us in the right frame of mind? Walk us through, what are 2 or 3 things that you can do that you can start implementing that are fairly easy, though I know it's not easy, but they can say, hey, you know what? I'm going to stop worrying about whatever they're worrying about. What are some practicalities around this?

Well, I mean, you have to put— you have the power of perspective, right? You have to be able to change the way you view situations. But it's probably going to start with your belief, right? So there's something in And emotional intelligence, we call your internal software, right? And your internal software is your beliefs, your values, and your life experiences. And this is how you process everything. So someone who is a constant worrier, I would be curious to know, why do you worry? You have to ask yourself, why do you worry in the first place? And where did you pick up that as a behavior? In order to start to address it. But on a lighter version, you know, they say that depression comes from holding on to things that have already happened. And anxiety comes from worrying about things that haven't happened yet. So it would be of benefit to stay in the present moment. And I know it's very hard in today's time. But to me, that's where the shift would have to be, just to start being present in the moment and understanding at a deep level that whatever is going to happen, It is going to happen. You think you have control over it, but you absolutely don't, which is— that's where I think some people get tied up at. They want to control and they want the outcome of the next thing, and you really have no control. No matter how much you plan, no matter what you do, you do not have any control of what shows up next. So if you can free yourself from that and you can flow with the river and not fight with the rocks, Then you increase your chances of minimizing that worry. But you got to believe that it's possible.

Yes, sir.

Right on, Doctor.

Right. Hey, Darryl, the D stands for Doctor. Doctor, how do you know I'm in the house of Doctor Bedford? That's right.

You know, I'm just listening to this. And once again, to put this in the context of sales, you're so absolutely right. We've all sat across the desk or across the conference table or across the kitchen table or the Zoom room with a buyer and they make a decision to postpone or say no, or all of these things, we have absolutely no control over that. And we have control over how we show up and how we're present. But we don't have control over that. And living in regret about the past, anxiety about the future, it seems like a really, really expensive habit for a sales professional in a lot of ways, right?

Yeah, absolutely. I think that a sales professional— I'm gonna slide because I said I'm not into sales, but I am an entrepreneur and I generate revenue. So I, I guess there is a space where there is some selling. And so I want to unpack that a little bit. You know, for the last 7 years— well, 6 years, it's going on 7— you know, I stepped away from my career and I decided to do emotional intelligence full-time. Do you know that I have not written one proposal Prospect one client. I have not chased any dollar. I've only attracted my clients.

Wow.

And so I think I say I don't sell, I probably do without knowing it, but I, I focus more on building relationships, you know. And when people believe in you, then what you offer is secondary, right? It's like all— it's like If you can foster— if you can create rapport and interest and have people feel where you're coming from, then the rest is down here, right? You know, they want to— actually, not only will they do business with you, they want others to do business with you. It's like, it's like when you go to a good restaurant and that food is really good. If you hear me say I'm hungry right now, the restaurant person ain't offering you no affiliate program, no coupon, they ain't ask you to do nothing.

Yeah.

But if you hear me say I'm hungry, you're gonna be like, DB, what? You want— what you want to eat. And if I say something, anything close to what you just eat, you'll be like, you gotta try this right here, because of the experience that you had. So we have, as humans, we got to get better at creating experiences for each other. And I'll pause with this. I truly believe that we are not human beings on a spiritual journey. We're spiritual beings on a human journey. So it's very easy to connect with each other when we stay connected, right, spiritually, right, and emotionally, other than trying to do it on a superficial, you know, and surface level.

What you just said is so powerful because it's selling from the heart. Part of the Trust Formula is inspirational experiences. And I'm a massive believer in the way you make somebody feel and how you show up determines what happens next. It's just that we choose to call these inspirational experiences. We have the power and the ability to do this in every interaction. And I know in every interaction here at Selling From The Heart, we want to put somebody in a better place.

Yes.

Afterwards than before they encountered us. But we control that. And that's why I'm so glad that you talked about this, you know, and you brought the spirituality part into this. This is the part of, you know, every day here at Selling From The Heart, we drink from the cup of inspiration. That's how we inspire and influence others.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, most definitely. And see, the Law of Intentionality is going to suggest, right, that your— I like to put emotional growth. It really reads personal growth. The Law of Intentionality is your emotional growth is not going to just happen. You have to be intentional about it. So to add to what you're saying, you got to be intentional about inspiration, right? Like when you come into the room, are you intentional how you show up? When I come into the room, I'm a beacon of light. When I come in, it's going to feel good that I'm part of the conversation. But I'm intentional about that. So therefore, whatever I'm bringing to offer, I don't have to offer it up. People want more. They want to know more, because they want to stay connected. And I want to stay connected to them. And that's genuine. So I also don't go places that I don't want to, right, be inspired, right? You know what I mean? So I choose where I go. But when I show up, if I decide And I'm part of the conversation. I'm bringing all the light. I'm bringing all the energy. I'm here for it all because I'm all about the experiences. Life is about experiences and moments, right? All the micro moments of the day matter.

I love it.

Wow.

What a great— what a great conversation, DB, and super relevant and inspirational. This is a topic I know many of our listeners are going to want to take a deeper dive in. And you've got a book. It's coming out the day after this episode releases, EI Performance Coaching, hands on this and get more DB Bedford in our lives.

Absolutely. So it's— my website is ineverworry.com, but I, you know, I'll put the— I'll send you the link. You'll have the link, uh, for this. Um, and basically, EI Performance Coaching is the first of its kind interactive workbook, full-color workbook. Every page in the workbook has a QR code that has a coaching clip that gives you an audio moment to the page that you're looking on. So the skill that you're looking at, you scan the code and you get a coaching clip for that particular page. As you go through the book, it has exercises, and in the end, it's one last QR code that takes you to an interactive video experience that has emotionally charged situations where you can choose your own ending with touchscreen technology.

Oh, we're gonna put Larry through that. That's gonna be fun.

Stop, stop, stop. It's gonna be like, you know, we're gonna do it live on the podcast.

Hey DB, DB, DB, I saw you looking right at me when you were talking about that, so Daryl must have been sending you a message.

Oh man, Didi, thank you so much for sharing time with us today. This has been really, really awesome. We appreciate you.

Oh, it was a good time. I appreciate the invite. Thank you so much.

You're welcome. You got it. Well, Larry, I can't wait. We're gonna administer this test live with camera right on you. I wanna see what—

Oh, stop.

Hey, you're right.

What a great conversation.

Oh, amazing conversation. So relevant. And you know, there's 2 words that are just near and dear to me. It's how fast you can connect and relate to somebody. And what DB had shared with us today all plays out is, right, I mean, sales is highly emotional. Working with your clients and your future clients is highly emotional. It's how you control emotions and how you show up for each and every conversation.

Yeah. And if you want to take a deeper dive into this, go grab a copy of EI Performance Coaching. Take DB up on this offer to coach you. In this interactive workbook. This is going to be super, super helpful for you. And all of this is around the way that we show up. And if we want to sell from the heart, we've got to be present and we've got to be aware, emotionally aware of ourselves and the situation, how we respond. This is such a spot-on topic. And Larry, it's so much fun having these conversations and then during the week being able to interact With people inside our community, Selling from the Heart Insiders Group. We got many more exciting announcements coming up throughout the fall, so make sure to like or subscribe. You want to hang out around here. This is there's exciting things going on at Selling from the Heart.

Never a dull moment. Never a dull moment here at Selling from the Heart. Let me tell you that right now.

That's right. So until next time, keep being genuine. Keep being authentic. Keep building trust. Develop emotional intelligence.

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