Emotional Intelligence with DB Bedford & LisaRaye (IG Live Video)

I see you. Nope, wait, hold it, hold up. Yeah, so I'm waiting for him to come in because, uh, look how light bright I am.

Good job. Hey you, what's going on with you?

Oh man, you got me excited. Let me clarify that. Let me clarify that, because you know how social media is.

Right.

They take that little bit and go, she is excited about— um, but let me just tell a backstory, because I want to let everybody know how we met, you know what I mean? And what kind of ignited my little, oh, I need to get to know you. We were in Oakland, and I was there for, um, my finale of Murder in the First show, my crime investigation show. And we have a mutual friend. And when she mentioned what you do, your title And correct me if I'm wrong, but I know I won't be. An emotional intelligence consultant. Now when you hear that and you dissect it, it's like emotional, I know what that means. Intelligence, I know what that means. And consultant, I know what that means. But when you put it all together, to be quite honest with you, I went to Siri and I was like, emotional intelligence, what is that? And they gave me, um, Uh, uh, definition of it, you know. And so I kind of just want to read it and see if she gonna make me look like a fool or not.

All right, let's see what she say.

Yes, sorry, I couldn't quite hear you. Could you please repeat what you said? What is emotional intelligence? Here's some information. She's not gonna allow me to get in here. Okay, emotional intelligence, emotional leadership, emotional— the way the capability of individuals to recognize their own emotions and others, and others discern between different feelings and label them appropriately, using emotional information to guide thinking. That can sound like a lot.

Yeah.

Um, that can sound like a lot to people that don't necessarily understand what that is and what that means. So since you are the expert, because you've been doing this, it says several years on your website, which is I Never Worry.

Yes, ma'am.

Love it. Love it. I need you to teach me how to not worry and not stress. I mean, that's gonna be another, another, um, But how long have you been doing this?

So I've been on the heavy grind in the last 5 years. I discovered emotional intelligence back in 2009. When I first heard the term, I was curious like you. I was like, emotional intelligence? I'm like, that's kind of dope. Like, what does that mean? And so when I did some research to figure out what it meant, I'm like, I never heard of this. And so I started asking people everywhere I went. I'm like, you ever heard emotional intelligence? And nobody had heard of it. I couldn't believe it. I'm like, because—

So Black people or white people?

Black people. I'm like, oh, my people emotional, you know what I mean? So how we— so how we don't know about this? And then when I did some more deeper research, I realized there really was no Black folks doing this in terms of taking the leadership of it. And so it became something that I said, I, I need— just right off the cuff, I said, I gotta I got to lead with this. And so a simplified version of emotional intelligence is having the ability to process those emotional situations through a logical lens.

Mm-hmm.

Every emotional situation— and there's no shortage of them, right? Every emotional situation that comes our way, to process it through a logical lens. And the key of it is even if you don't want to, right? Even if you don't feel like it. Emotions— how do I feel? Intelligence— what do I do with that feeling? And this simple but powerful mindset can be a life changer in anybody's life, you know. And so I'm, you know, I thought it was dope that it piqued your interest and we've been able to, you know, bond, you know, over our conversations and have similarities and you see the value in it. So I'm just thankful that you, you know, you want to introduce our audience to it.

I think, you know, because we are in an emotional state right now, the whole world, you know. And I was just saying before we got you on that because the world is emotional, there's different fears and feelings that's going on, from depression to not knowing how to utilize your time to running out of things around your house that you feel that you can do to keep you sane. So, how do I kind of keep my mind in a place in which I can be leveled off? Because there's a saying that says, get down where you get mad at. So, what that means is that I'm mad right now.

Right.

So, I can't talk to you about this next week because I'm not gonna have a passion about it next week. Because I may be concerned and on to something else. So, you're saying that when you're in that situation, you got to take a minute to think, basically?

Um, I'm saying— And it's hard.

It's hard when you mad and you about to slap the shit out of somebody because they done disrespected you and they need it. You like, let me think first. Ew, you know what I mean?

So, I'm going to say, you know, how I was raised and we both got similar Backgrounds though, the OGs used to tell me you got to play chess, not checkers, you know. So emotional intelligence is not about this whole warm and fuzzy lifestyle. That's not what we're saying, right? It's a bunch of people that I'll be feeling like smacking, right, or saying things or responding to. But when you're playing chess, you think about— so look at— just think about the difference between the chess and the checkers game. Right? So checkers, right? You've probably never even seen a serious game of checkers, right?

No.

Loose, just, you know, just having some fun, making decisions not very thoughtful. But a chess game, a little different. You've probably never seen a fun chess game, right? The people who are playing chess are focused. And the elements or the secret to that is that they're thinking about the piece they're about to move, where they're about to move it, And what's going to happen when it gets there. So when we talk about practicing emotional intelligence, that's all that we're asking you to consider. What, what are you about to say? Where are you going with this? And what's going to be the impact of what is being said? Now, I never once was going to say that it's easy, right?

Mm-hmm.

But, you know, but, um, the things that are easy, right, um, usually don't have a lot of value, right? Like, that's why it's— that's where the intelligence part Come in at. Because most of the times when we get off— when we get mad at, right, 9 times out of 10, you look back and be like, ah, maybe I didn't have to handle it that way. Um, in the moment, it might have felt good. You might have thought it was going to feel good. Uh, it's something I like to call our emotional beast, right? You know, that emotional beast lays dormant in all— in all of us. And most of the time, the beast is asleep. But every now and then, somebody pokes the bear.

Right.

And then that beast, which is your anger, right? Your level of rage that you wake up with. And in that moment, when you making that decision emotionally, I will find it— we will find it hard pressed to find people who say, I made the best decisions during that time, right? And so if you're honest about that, then you start to see the value of not— you start learning how to respond. instead of reacting. And that makes sense.

It does make sense because common sense is not easy for everyone. It's not. And my father used to have a saying, um, you could be an educated fool. You could be book smart and have no street sense and street knowledge or no common sense, and that still makes you dangerous because you could do it in the name of I didn't know, you know.

Right.

So yeah, I'm listening to you and I'm saying, yeah, I would love to be able to think rational first in the moment. That sounds mature, that sounds intelligent, you know what I mean? But how might one control it? Is there a training that you do for this?

Yes, a good question. Yeah, that's— I mean, my life is dedicated, you know, You know, um, I left a 16-year career to dedicate my life day in and day out to lead the charge on helping people process those— that information. And by the end of this call, or if people is on it, like, I'm actually going to offer anybody who's here today a free training, an online training today, if they want to go through a short crash course to get there, to get a feel for it. and get an understanding how it can apply to your life, like right now. And it starts—

Is that a couple hours or is that a day?

90 minutes. I just need 90 minutes of your time. It's self-paced. Anybody who goes to my Instagram and click on the link on the bio, it'll be there. But here's the catch though. Once they sign up, they got 24 hours to complete it. Right, because this is something that, you know, I get paid for, and, uh, I don't want people— I don't want to waste anybody's time, but I don't want them to waste my time. So I'm gonna give it to them for free, but they got 24 hours to knock it out. Because if you're serious, 90 minutes and shelter in place, you ought to be able to commit. If you ain't gonna do it now, then you probably ain't serious about doing it.

I believe in that, because when a person has to commit and be accountable and responsible, and actually when they have to pay it means that they're more serious about what they're putting their money to their mouth. You know what I mean?

Absolutely.

So I agree with you and I appreciate you giving them a free—

Absolutely. Absolutely. So you just go into my—

Being in this business, my skin is thick, but my feelings get hurt sometimes too. You know what I mean? You look at the comments and you, you, you sift through the ones that's like, oh, you're beautiful, you're pretty, oh, we love you, you're your— we're your fan. And it's like, yes. Obvious, you're my fan because you have great things to say. But what about those ones that's just really negative and don't want to share a positive word or whatever? That's emotional too, you know what I mean?

Yeah, so I'll give up a little, you know, a little extra game here, right? So part of being able to— because your question was how. Okay, DB, like, how? It sounds good. I feel you. I, I believe you're saying something, but how do I get to that space? So there's 4 domains to emotional intelligence. The number one domain is self-awareness or self-mastery. The second domain is managing your reactions. The third domain is situational awareness. And the fourth one is managing relations— relationships. So those 4 components collectively Helps you look at the world through the lens of emotional intelligence. Then there's this thing I like to call your internal software. Your internal software is a combination— and this is going to answer your question— your life— I'm assuming your internal software is a combination of your beliefs, your values, and your life experiences, right?

Mm-hmm.

Your beliefs, your values, and your life experiences. And most of the time we are operating on old beliefs, old values, and past life experiences. Emotional intelligence helps you update that internal software. So now let's play a little bit with how we respond to things. So like I say, you and I both raised right. We got that background where we come from. If you disrespect me, Right? If I feel like you disrespect me, it's on and popping. If we in junior high school, it's like, meet me after school.

Right.

Meet me behind the gym. Like, it's on with no in-between conversation, right? Like, as soon as you hear it, like, it's on. You get older, right? You know, me in my 20s, you know, that meant old school pop the trunk, right? We was coming to see you about something, and it wasn't nothing to talk about. If you imagine that's in my 20s and teens. Now, if I'm acting like that in my 40s, right, off that old belief system because that's how I was raised, you see how there could be a disconnect?

Yes.

So the strategy is to think about the things that you are operating from. Where are you making your decisions from, right? What space, what are you drawing on before you even step into the day? And this is an on, going process. And so I changed the way I viewed disrespect, right? So when I— when you're younger, right, you have a, uh, long list of things that you won't be disrespected about, right?

Yes.

That could be back from stepping on my shoes to talking about my mama or whatever. That list is hella long. When you get into this emotional maturity space, that list gets short, right? Outside of you, like, putting your hands on me, right? Like, you can go ahead and take that energy elsewhere. And so situational awareness shows us what to embrace, because energy, right, energy cannot be created or destroyed, right? It just transfers from person to person. And so situational awareness makes me realize if I look at my comments and I see a troll, that energy is not the type of energy I want to connect to, right?

Mm-hmm.

And I know that if I respond to that troll, Right? If I engage with them, what are they going to do? I ain't gonna bring them up to my level in that conversation. More than likely, they're gonna bring me down to their level of experience and smash on me. And then what's gonna happen, right? Everybody gonna be talking about LisaRaye was over there. They ain't gonna talk about the troll. They gonna talk about LisaRaye didn't respond or cuss somebody out or whatever. And now you feel a certain kind of way when you— in the moment, the power is You could have just let it go or understand that people are entitled to their perspective and it doesn't have to align with mine and I don't take it personal.

But what if it is personal? And everybody, just so you know, um, if you're just chiming in, we are speaking about emotional intelligence with DB Bedford here, a friend of mine from Oakland, and he is a consultant. And I was piqued by this because I wanted to know exactly what it was and how I can adapt it in my life. Because I'm gonna just be honest, sometimes I do get emotional. And as a girl, as a woman— and women, holla at me, ladies— um, we are emotional creatures. And, you know, when I'm sad, I'm like, I'm sad, you know what I mean? Can't you see? And I'm gonna make us— you come and ask me if I want something to eat, I'm like, I'm too sad to eat, you know what I mean? It's like—

Right.

You know what I mean? What is that? Um, but I know that you've also written books, right? You have had books because I know that one of the people I've just seen comment and said, do you have a book, sir?

Yeah.

Where can they get that book and what's the name of the book? And obviously it speaks about emotional intelligence and what we're talking about now. But I, I'd also like to know a little bit about you because for me, I tend to respect, believe and get involved with people from their history. Their history speaks volumes to me. So if you've been there, done that, then I'm apt to listen to what you're saying because you have some experience there. So I'd like to know where you come from. Who are you? What and how did you say, I need this, and now that I got this, I'm going to share this? Take us through your life a little bit and paint a picture.

All right. Okay, I appreciate it. Uh, those that was asking for the books, ineverworry.com is the website. You can get all the information there, or you can go to my Instagram and click on the link in the bio, and it would, you know, guide you down the path.

So your Instagram is what?

I Never Worry. I Never Worry.

Right, same across the board.

Right, yeah, you got to keep it consistent, right? So deep— so my name is, you know, like you've been saying, so those who just joining on My name is DB Bedford. I'm out of Oakland, you know, born and raised in East Oakland in an area called Brookfield.

Mm-hmm.

Around 10 or 11 years old, I was moved to Brookfield after my mother and father had got a divorce when I was like 8 years old. And when I talk about emotional intelligence, there was some reverse engineering— engineering I did in my life to see the different levels where it didn't really go so well. And, uh, you know, when, when parents usually get divorced, right, who typically leaves the house?

The father.

Right. And so in my situation, my mom left the house. And my mom was so mad at what was hap— what her and my father was going through that she smashed up out of the house packing her stuff. Me and my little brother just, you know, in the house. She ain't even really tripping off us. 'Cause she's so upset about what's happening between her and my father. By the time she looks up at me while she's getting in her car, she looks at me and says, I ain't never coming back, so don't look for me, right? And I'm an 8-year-old kid, and this is what my mom says. Now, this is—

Oh, wow.

This is not to throw my mother under the bus, but this is the journey, right? Now, when I look back and understand the emotional intelligence, Do you think that my mother was actually talking to me when she said that? Probably not, right?

I think she was just angry.

Talking to— she really was really towards my dad, but she didn't have the ability to separate how she felt about my dad to be available for her kids. First, first thing about emotional intelligence. So then we moved to Brookfield. I get to Brookfield, right? Brookfield's off the hook. Like, as soon as I get there, you know, this ain't no regular neighborhood, right? Like, they checking you for your starter jacket, they trying to take your bike, they own your helmet every corner you move. So real quickly I realized that, uh, you're gonna either be the lion or the gazelle up in this joint, right? Like, uh, I— and I didn't want to be afraid of the dark, you know what I'm saying? So I had to become the dark. And so that from the ages of 13 to 23, I was just in the streets. I was doing my thing, right? So everything from, you know, gun possessions, jacking folks, the whole You know, whatever, you name it, I was a part of it. Around 22, 23, I made a decision that almost cost me my life. And then what it was is that, you know, I paid this dude to put this roof on my house. And he was a dope fiend, you know, a smoker, for those who know the terminology. And if you from the streets, like, you already know that Dope fiends, right, just because they out there, that don't mean they don't have a skill. That don't mean that they don't have a, you know, can make some things happen. Plus they do stuff for the low. So I paid this guy to do this work. He didn't do it. I gave him a pass for not doing it, gave him another pass for not doing it. Then it got to the point where, you know what I'm saying, I didn't want to give him a pass no more. So I lost my cool. I tried to take him out. So I chased him down the street and let him have it.

Right.

So when we talk about emotional intelligence, I'm not coming from a space where it's some shit I just read and I'm passing on. There's these different times in my life where this shit like really had an impact on me, 'cause making decisions through an emotional lens. So I sat in the county jail for a year about to go to the pen, ran into the judge that put me in jail, seen something in me. And he— what he told me was, even though I was on this one level, I was always kind of a community guy because I come up in a Lil Durrell, Felix Mitchell, uh, type era where even though everybody was getting money doing their thing, we always poured money back into the community. And so, you know, all my homies in Brookfield, that's what we did. We hung out, we would do community picnics, things of that nature. So he recognized that. And so essentially he was just saying, look, dude, You got all this influence. You are using your superpowers for the wrong thing, basically.

Mm-hmm.

He was like, man, if you could just shift and use it for something positive, man, you'll do great things. Now, to keep it P.I., I was in, you know what I'm saying, in Rikers that whole time. I'm gonna agree to whatever he say just to get out. But once I got out, I just started taking into consideration, like, you know what? You know, number one, I didn't want to go to prison. I'm not one of those dudes that's like, I can go to pen Do it with my, you know, I ain't that dude. I like freedom. I like, you know, quality of life. So I just started making some decisions and changing. So what ended up happening, I ended up having, I was a 4-time felon. By before it was over with, I got my felonies expunged and reduced down to misdemeanors. So then what wind up happening once, 'cause anybody know, if you catch a felony as an adult, you think it's over.

Mm-hmm.

I didn't know you can get them expunged, right? And so this is, you know, I'm like, they gave me the game on this. So when I got my felonies reduced, I'm like, that's a whole new life.

Well, how long did that take? Because doesn't that take like 7, 8 years or something?

That depends on the court system, right? Now, if you go to prison, it's a longer process because you gotta get a pardon. I mean, you gotta get permission from the governor at the governor level, right? When you do it from the county level, the judge can handle it. And if you go to federal prison, the president gotta handle it. So I was still on the local county level. So we was able— so about over about an 18, maybe a 2-year period, right, of me demonstrating, because I started volunteering in the courts and things of that nature as well. So they, they seen that I was serious about what I was doing, and I was. I was doing it with purpose. I wasn't— I wasn't doing it just to try to get over. I had shifted, you know. Uh, so an important element in this for people who paying attention, you have to be genuine about the shift. You can't just be doing it just because you're not gonna get the right results. So I genuinely shifted and started applying these principles in real life. And every step of the way, opportunities start unpacking themselves. Well, I ended up going back and working at the probation department where I spent all my time at. So I ended up— Being a peace officer? Yeah, so I ended up being a peace officer, right, for 16 years. So I'm working in the same facility where the officers were at when I was coming through there as a youngster. So I became their colleagues, and then I got promoted, became a supervisor, and by the top of my game, I was everybody's supervisor. Now, what does that have to really do with the journey? All each— and obviously it's a sugar-coated version, right? Each point during the progress and process required me to not operate in my feelings but do things from a logical standpoint. And here's the catch: even when I disagree, I don't like, right, what What is the best decision? What is the chess move in this? And for me, now it might not work for everybody, right? But for me, it's paid high dividends. I have some dope relationships. I live a whole different way. And it's given me the, the, the courage to, to not respond to, like, I like to call them low-frequency conversations, right? And low frequency to me is people—

Like, they're down on life.

Yeah, yeah. Low frequency is people or situations that's going to be negative no matter what you say or do, right? And so in our community, the EI community, we just say vibrate higher, right? Meaning that—

When they go low, we go high.

Exactly. And I'm gonna go ahead and let you have that moment, right? So it's every day, right? You're getting on the freeway, dude, somebody almost cuts you off. You know, the honk honk, the bird they throw up. I'm that guy to be like, you know what I'm saying? I'm gonna let you go on about your business, right? There's something in the emotional intelligence platform that— so I call these EI secrets, right? So every nugget I drop is called an EI secret. And one of the things that we practice is something that we call don't bite the hook, right? And so when I made—

Is that like don't bite the hand that feeds you? Is that sort of like that?

No, no, this is, this is, this is something different, right? So don't bite the hook, right, has everything to do with— so when I thought about this, I thought about how fish would be in the water minding their own damn business, right? Then the fisherman slide through and he throw that pole in the water with the hook on it. And he don't just throw the hook. What's on the hook? What else he got on the hook? A worm, right?

Bait, right?

So the fish damn near can't resist. So he snatches on the hook and the fisherman takes him out the water, never to return again, most times.

Mm-hmm.

So we in this EI community, we look at negative situations, rude people, and things that, you know, things that we disagree with as biting the hook. Because if you bite the hook And get involved in that low-frequency conversation, it's going to change the trajectory, maybe of your day, sometimes your life. And so we're very serious about not biting the hook. And I said something, I kind of skimmed past it, and we get really good in this emotional intelligence community about not taking things personal. And you said, what if it is personal? That's all pers— that's all perspective. Right? Because I look at people who are rude or weird or this or betray or not loyal or whatever, usually it's not just with me, right? Like, if we look at their entire life—

Oh, that's good.

That's how they roll, right? I tell people, like, if you, if you could put a drone and follow that person that you don't fool with like that around, you will find out relatively quickly that you really ain't that special.

It lessens the sting is what you're saying. Because if you know, oh, it ain't just me, then you ain't just this way with me, you this way, period. So you know what, you a fool. So I'm gonna just go ahead and leave you over there because I don't want to be around it. Yeah.

Exactly right. And, um, and that's just, that's just real. And these are the things that help us be that way. Now let's keep it real. I ain't always on point.

Mm-hmm.

I'm not coming off like I got this shit just like to a science, but I'm damn good at it. But here's the thing. When I do fall off, my bounce-back game is phenomenal.

Hello.

Right? My bounce-back game is phenomenal. The harder you fall, the higher you bounce back. So I am not a— I don't have any fear, right, of things that happen every day because I'm very— I'm nice with— I'm nice with this processing game. Right? How to process emotionally charged situations through a logical lens. And I know my feelings are going to be involved, right? We could talk facts or we could talk feelings, but we can't talk both, right?

Mm-hmm.

It just don't work. And so— and then we got this little saying we like to say, like, so a lot of times people from the community, they'll call and they'll run their situation through me or whatever. And sometimes it's just deep, like you said. Sometimes it's just like, I need to be in my feelings for a minute, right? Like, that shit stung. And so we'll just say to each other, all right, you know, you get 5 minutes to be in your emotions, then you got to be gangster, right? Now, it may take longer than 5 minutes, but the thing is, feel the feeling but don't become the emotion. And that's how we roll.

So I, you know, just for people that just is, you know, uh, chiming in, we're talking about emotional intelligence. And, you know, this conversation may not be for you It may not be time for you. You may not even be mature enough to even understand this, but this is why we're talking about it.

Yes.

So, when you get to that point, you can be open-minded and say to yourself, oh, wait a minute, I heard this from somewhere, and at least suck some of this information and be able to use it. Because again, when I first heard about it, and I tell you, I'm not the most maturest woman in the world, but I said, Unapologetically, yeah, I could use this. I can use this in my life because I need to know how to stop in the midst of— because if you make an emotional decision, you might not be able to get out of it. And like you said, DB, your whole life just switch and change right before your eyes. And then you're sitting there going, I wish that I would have just thought for a minute. We're giving you that kind of information, people. We're giving you that information so you can utilize it in this quarantine time where we have nothing to do but sit, listen, relax, and look and learn. And you can go ahead and raise your kids on this, be able to help you raise your kids because now you're not even spanking, whooping, or even talking from an emotional point of view. You can say, let me think about what I'm going to say, which is harder than all the tea in China that you can collect. You know what I mean? You know, I have only learned that throughout time. Like, the time has dictated that to me. And I believe that that's due to maturity. You know, I no longer feel like I need to go toe-to-toe with everybody that has something to say. Right. Right. I no longer need to agree with you all the time just to keep down the peace. We can disagree to agree or agree to disagree. We have different opinions. And like you said, it's not until really, if you come to me in my face And try to not even disrespect, because even that to me, I'm like, I don't even know you that well. You don't even know me to even call me a bitch and really mean anything to me.

Right.

You just don't know me. I can walk away from that. But it's something about that personal space right here that when you up in here, oh, the emotions take over.

Well, we all got triggers though.

Yes, triggers.

Right? And so do I. I mean, there's just things that, you know, that trigger me as well. Uh, I— and so it's— we can always find a reason to take that action. But when you've been in as much trouble as I've been in and faced the consequences for the things that I've done So there's something called confirmation bias, right?

You're giving us these big phrases.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm gonna break it down, right? And everybody know what I'm talking about, right? Like, you get into it with somebody, or somebody do something you don't like, and you go naturally to the people to run it by that you want to validate what it is that you just said or did, right? Confirmation bias. confirmation. I'm looking for somebody to validate. It's biased because you didn't go to the person you know gonna tell you what you weren't supposed to do. More than likely, you're gonna go to the people that's gonna be like, girl, yeah, I know, man, fuck him, right?

Right.

And you like, yeah, right? And that did nothing but just perpetuate, you know what I'm saying, um, you know, the, the poor decision-making. But the reality is this, this is what I was going to talk about, the trouble. I ain't never felt good, right, afterwards about a lot of the stuff that I've done. And trying to explain that shit over and over again to get that confirmation bias is exhausting.

Yes.

I'd rather in the moment, even though I don't like it, even though I feel like this is— you out of pocket, Even though I want to smack you— and let me make sure I'm clear on this— I feel you gonna feel a certain kind of way. That's the emotion. The intelligent part is what you do with that emotion. So you gotta have— everybody who, who becomes part of this tribe of practicing emotional intelligence, one of the first things that they do is they commit to emotional willingness.

Mm-hmm.

Meaning in that moment when you don't feel like it, that's what I need you to do with them, right? That's what I need you to exercise. It's always good when it's good, when shit is smooth, right? Yeah, you can always say you practice it, right? But what about when that thing catches you off balance, right? Catches you off guard, right? Because see, your mood and attitude is in direct Proportion to how you deliver information and how you receive information. So what we do every day is we get up and we think about putting our emotional intelligence glasses on, right? Not physically, but like in your mind. Like you— and when you pop up, after you acknowledge whoever you acknowledge in terms of being thankful for being woke, you consciously tell yourself—

Mm-hmm.

I got to put them EI glasses on so I can stay emotionally prepared for people to switch up on me, right?

I think I equate this with, with faith in God. Yeah. And testimony. Because we say that we want to be God-fearing. We know that we're a child of God. We say that we want our prayers to be answered, but yet we're not doing the necessary things to stay in alignment. So it's like if you don't get it right away and when you feel like you need to get it, Then you feel like, oh, he gave up on me, so I'm just gonna go and do whatever else. But what if it was right around the corner? What if that blessing was right around the corner? He was just waiting to see if you was gonna be tempted to do the negative, and then you fell back to that. So I play a mental game with myself, with my subconscious mind.

Okay.

And I do this all the time when I'm feeling whatever kind of way, because I know I like to feel on the upswing of life. I like to feel— wake up and go, okay, Until whatever shifted, and then I still go, okay, you know what I mean? I try to bounce back. My thing is, I try to make 5 people every day smile, whether I'm walking down the street, whether I'm in a meeting with them, whether I'm over the phone and I can hear that smile from them over the phone. I try to make somebody smile. And 9 times out of 10, what happens is when you're smiling and they look at you, they start smiling, if no other reason but to think, She is tripping because she's just smiling down, walking down the street, not anybody else smiling at her. But it's, it's, um, contagious, you know what I mean?

Absolutely.

You get that. And so, you know, I would say to people, if you're in an emotional situation, try it out. Try to do something different than what you know that you always do, just to see what kind of answer, solution you can get out of that. And try it for a couple of times. So then you can have a difference between what happened when you didn't and what happened when you did. Because if you just keep going through life doing things the same exact way and expecting a change, that's called insanity.

Mm-hmm.

You want something different, but how? Because you're doing the same thing. And I do believe in this, not even this generation, just in this world and all ages, This emotional intelligence is something that needs to be taught, talked about, and trained with. I would like to ask you this question, DB, especially since you were in law enforcement. You've been on each side, as you so told us. You were in the street and you did what you did.

Yeah.

Then you became the law and you was like, whoa, I'm on the other side now. And now you are an emotional intelligence consultant now. with this experience from both sides.

Correct.

Our law enforcement agencies, this racism that's going on, this Black-on-Black crime that's going on, how can we implement this? Or do you feel that this would be something that the police board could be able to, um, benefit from? Like, could this be something—

Sure.

To train them and go into their facility and say, we're going to do a 6-week course on emotional intelligence to help them help us help everybody out here?

Yeah, most definitely. So there, there is a, um, slow shift. There's a shift happening. I've trained a couple of police departments. I've trained in some probation departments. And, you know, it all comes down to each individual that's wearing that uniform, right? And that's going to go back to their particular internal software, right? Because some people— so when I went to work, right, and I worked inside the facility, my, my vision was different for the people who was locked up in there. Like, what— why I was there, to, to be there for them, right? It was to, to make their time as smooth as, you know, as possible. You already got— you're already up a bit, uh, up, up against a bunch of stuff. Let me not add to that.

Right. Right? Yes.

When people trying to reach their loved ones on the inside and they normally gotta go through a difficult process, call DB, right? And I'm gonna make sure you get whatever it is. So I was serving a purpose. A lot of my homies, right, that worked in the streets as, you know, as FBI or cops or whatever, the ones that come from or have associated with it, They go to work for a different reason. So a lot of times in those environments, the people who are making a bad name for the entire law enforcement community, or, you know, is those folks that operate through a different lens and they haven't had to shift yet, so they don't really understand it. So yes, I'm doing the work with law enforcement. I'm doing it with fire departments. I'm doing it in healthcare. And that's right. In the 5 years, so I've been retired from the probation department for 3 years now, but I had been doing it for 5 years before, before I took that leap. You know, I started doing this to see, uh, did anybody even care about what I was saying? I quickly seen that this was a value, so I knew that part, that story, that chapter was time for me to shift. And so I've been out here. So more and more companies— and this is very important for people who watching— no matter where you work, There's going to be a time relatively soon where emotional intelligence is going to be the requirement. When you look on your application, they're going to be asking you, right, about emotional intelligence, because this is what employers know. This is what they're realizing. This is, this is to kind of to your point. There's something called skill versus will, and they realize they got 4 types of employees. So either they are low-willed and low-skilled, which means they can't do the job and they got a damn attitude doing it, right? Or they are— I don't like people like that, no. Right? Or they are low— they are, uh, low-skilled but high-willed. I ain't that good at the job, but man, I'm gonna give you everything I got. Like, I'm willing to learn. Like, I'm there. I Right. So that's— then there's the— these are the problem childs right here, the high-skilled, low-willed individuals. So they could do the job, but they don't because they're in their feelings about their boss, their colleague, the policies. They funking with somebody in their house. They bringing their problems to work, so they're not motivated to do the work. Those are the most problem individuals. Then there's the high-skilled, high-willed. cream of the crop, right? Living with purpose, love what they do, doing their job. A lot of— so a lot of organizations are realizing, we know you got the skills, we know you got the degrees or whatever it takes, but every time people get in their feelings, it changes the culture of the work environment. So they're realizing that emotional intelligence is the number one skill that they need to have. So people who are racism, people who treat people— it is— this is— people don't like to talk about this though, right? We talk about your beliefs and your values. Your beliefs and values don't even belong to you, right? They were impressed upon you.

Even to you, yeah.

Right? And very few of us have taken the time to see, right? Just like myself, I wasn't a fan of white people. Let's keep it real. I grew up around white people. police officer. If you'd have asked me in my teens and 20s about being even something close to, to a peace officer, police, I'd have been like— I probably would have gave you a 2-piece for asking me, right?

Mm-hmm.

Because that's the culture I grew up in. As you start to expand, as you start to meet other humans, right, and you start to hear different perspectives, you start to connect with people differently. That's what opened me up to be— the judge who put me in jail and the district attorney who prosecuted me, we have been friends for the last 20 years. Our kid— our kids know each other.

After they locked you up?

After they locked me up, after they prosecuted me, we grew to have a relationship because I started doing work, right, for the community right, to bridge the gap because of the opportunity they gave me.

Mm-hmm.

They had demonstrated that they would believe in you if you are willing to do what it takes, and I was willing. So then I, I became air quotes the poster child, right, for what it looks like. So what we did, we ran a program called the Crossroads Mentoring Program. We start reducing, uh, hundreds of people's felonies down to misdemeanors, right? If they followed the blueprint that I would give them, right, to make it happen. It had a lot of— it was a lot of variables. It wasn't— we weren't no handout, but it was those that were willing. And so anybody can make a shift in life and have— be— and bring better value. But this is what they got to understand. Again, I love what you said about, uh, intentionally making people— 5 people smile a day. That's an emotion. That is an emotional intelligence strategy under— remember I told you the 4 domains: self-awareness, manage reactions, situational awareness, and managing relationships, right? People in that realm, you are— you take pride in intentionally making people feel good about even knowing you, right? That's important because human currency Right? Human currency is way more valuable than the green, right? Because people are our greatest resource, right? And when people feel good about you, they will bring opportunity. See, you start to live a life of attracting and not chasing, right?

Mm-hmm.

When you operate in this space. And so when you are emoting, Good energy, right? You are attracting good energy, right? And that's just it. That's the law of attraction. That's the universe. And so it's all about a person's belief and where they want to be. It's— now I gotta— I forgot to say this though, and this is very important. Some people like that negative space.

Yes, they do.

They very comfortable there.

They drawn to drama.

They drawn to drama. Yeah, that's where they need to be. But there's something called—

Yes, the law of attraction.

Yeah, and the law of opposites.

Mm-hmm.

The law of opposites, right? So if there's an inside, there's an outside. If there's a right, there's a left. What goes up comes down. If it's a mile to point A to point B, there's going to be a mile to B to point A, which means that if there is positivity There has to be negativity. The question is, what does— which side do you choose to be on? And I ain't mad if you're on the other side. I ain't mad because I got situational awareness. I'm going to recognize it. Yeah, I'm going to vibrate higher and let your little low-frequency ass go and crash and burn somewhere else, period. And that's just how we roll.

People are asking what's the name of your book, and it's called, um, I Never Worry. I Never Worry.

Yes.

And it's also his Instagram handle and it's also his website, I Never Worry. What a great title. How did you come up with that title?

So back in like '90, I've been holding that title for like, since about '96. I was still in this— '95, and I was still in the streets, but I came up with this t-shirt concept, um, and I called it. It was just Never Worry. And, uh, it was a hustle mentality at the time. And, uh, it kind of came from— I'm a heavy Tupac listener, and Tupac used to always throw that Never Worry out there, you know. And I used to hear it.

Tupac video girl right here.

That's right, that's right. And, uh, my grandmother was one that, you know, we— I had the grandmother house where, you know, everybody, cousins, uncles, aunties, everybody flowing through there, revolving door, um, all the time. Uh, the door never locked, right? You walk up to Granny's house anytime and just walk through the door. And even amongst all kind of just like the noise and chaos, my grandmother would be in her room. We got roaches and buttermilk in the refrigerator, and she was always as peaceful as one could be.

Mm.

And she always just was telling me she just wasn't worried about things, right? She was— she always wanted to be— she promoted to me what it looked like to be stress-free. And so I came up with the concept Never Worry, um, and it was a clothing brand for many, many years. And then when I came— moved into this space of, uh, coaching and consulting and advocating, um, a few years ago, I put the little I in front of the, uh, Never Worry so it could be I Never Worry, because I wanted the in-person— if they wore a shirt or grabbed a book, I want them to feel like they didn't worry. Because over years, people will be like, I got your shirt, I got your— and it's like, this is really for us. It's not just me. So I want people to own it. And so I Never Worry just went well with the emotional intelligence, you know what I'm saying, platform. So I embodied it as my consulting and training company. So That's just kind of how I came up with it. So everything for me is I Never Worry. The website's ineverworry.com. My academy is I Never Worry Academy. And it's really just about— because when people ask me, how can you not worry? It's because I practice emotional intelligence. Now, worry is different from being concerned.

Mm-hmm.

Do I get concerned about things? Yeah. Do I feel anxiety and depression at times? Yeah. I mean, the world is heavy, right?

Mm-hmm.

Now, you know, so again, I got to make sure people understand. Do I feel the pressure when corona hit? Did I feel the pressure, you know? Did I get my business model hijacked because I'm in the people business? So did I have to stay home like everybody else? Did my money get interrupted like everybody else? Absolutely, right? Do I got a son in jail right now?

Yep.

Do I got it? Yeah. But what's the key to it? How you process it. And I don't see— a lot of people are carrying around what I like to call emotional baggage.

Yep.

Right? They just every day just putting things in that emotional bag. And if you keep putting stuff in a bag, I mean, eventually it's heavy. And so you cannot operate in a high vibrating space There's a— I've seen this quote before that says that you, you won't be able to fly till you give up the shit that weighs you down. And so people who practice emotional intelligence know that every day it's like catch and release. Let me manage whatever happened today and let it go, because we know something else is around the corner.

Mm-hmm.

And the reason why you want to travel light, right, so that you can be the best version of yourself So you can make the best decisions so that you can get the quality of life that's designed for you.

Yeah, because worrying has never helped anybody. Because the more you worry, it's just like stress, you know what I mean? And for me, I, I be thinking that stress that's suppressed is cancerous. You know, something in there is just building and growing like a parasite or something, you know what I mean? And I I think to myself, worrying is going to make me what? It just makes you go down into a funk of, I just don't know what to do. And then it's like, so how then are you solving the problem? I need to be around people that's gonna throw different ideas to me, a plan B, a plan C. I don't need you running up to me because everybody know in this business and in a whole lot of different businesses, you have kiss-ass people. You got people that say, oh my God, you just the best of everything. Then it's like, come on, man.

You know what I mean?

Cut it out.

Right, right.

I don't want those people. I'm glad that you can help me with my ego and make me feel good about myself. But I also need you to say, hey, girl, the way you handled that, I don't think that was right. I think you did that differently. You know what I mean? And I'm listening to your voice. Your voice seems so calming, so mature, so direct that you're like, this is what it is. And so for me, it becomes a mimicking thing.

Mm-hmm.

Like what you were saying, some of our values and stuff are given to us, you know. So when you are around that, you see that, you hear that, you start to feel that, and then you start to emulate that. Emulate that means I start to mimic that for you. I start to say, I like the results that you're getting, and I've watched you, I've observed you, and I like how you handle A, B, and C. I want some of that. So let me watch you just enough so I can take a little bit of that, mix with what I got, and put it in there. So then therefore I'm a better person because now I have more education and know I—

Yes.

I have something else I can add to what I I know what I— I know what I know and I know where I'm going.

Right.

So, I need those different things to be able to equip myself for the storm ahead.

Yes.

Like you were saying, you fall down but we get up.

Yeah.

But it's like, how? Skipping, jumping, running, hopping, whatever that is, we are still moving. But you don't want to keep that baggage with you. You want to unleash some of those things off of you and grab some good positive things to put on you as your armor.

Absolutely.

That's what this conversation is about— emotional intelligence. How can we be intelligent in our thinking? How can we make a difference in the things that we did 5 years ago or even last year in the way that we're going to, to do things tomorrow? You know, and just because you feel like you got a good result out of that, let's strive for the best results. How about that? Let's try to do better than what we did yesterday. And see, sometimes people don't take kind to emotional conversation, intelligent conversation. Sometimes it can be too heavy for you, you know what I mean? Sometimes you don't want to hear that, you know. But I challenge you all on here to think outside the box and outside your normalcy. And say, let me take in something that I have no idea about, because today you can say you learned something different.

That's right.

You added to your wisdom. Why don't we think like that? Because while we're quarantined, we gotta think of a better way. And what other way to start than with yourself?

Hmm.

Than with yourself. So DB, I can get Your book online at ineverworry.com.

Absolutely.

Do you have a schedule on there? I see that some people are asking where can they see you speak. Are you just in Oakland? Is there a schedule that they can go to, somewhere they can go to, to be able to get your schedule?

Right now everything's shut down, right? So, so it'll have to come up later. I think the best thing folks can do, um, in order to just get introduced to this is to, you know, spin over to my Instagram and hit that link in the bio and get that free 90-minute training. Like, it's, it's, it's not something— it's not a webinar. It's not, you know, it is, um, a— it is a— I have condensed the same training that they pay me for to go out to these corporations and organizations to do. I brought down a nice chunk of it so that you can get some game right now. today, um, so that you could start applying this. And then if you want to go deeper into the community, we can do that as well. But, you know, for now, you know, I'm not doing much, but I'm just kind of, um, deepening the brand during this time, right? I'm taking selective, uh, selective virtual trainings with different organizations, but I'm not really doing the speaking thing yet because this is just a great time, like I said, keeping it real For me to tighten my game up, right? But I do have some, uh, some podcast episodes on the website, which is ineverworried.com. You can just scroll down to the podcast section. You can kind of hear how, you know, how people process, uh, through things. Uh, hit that course up. You'll get a good dose of my style. And if it works for you, right, then you can, you know, you know, we can keep rolling. If not, I understand. My role, my job is to serve and to raise awareness to as many people as possible about the power of emotional intelligence. Because 2 things: emotional intelligence will not take nothing away from what you already do. You ain't gonna lose nothing by understanding emotional intelligence. It's only going to add value. And if you don't remember nothing else, right, just remember When emotions are high, logic is low. The higher the emotion in any situation, the lower the logic. So if you need just a nugget in your moment when you having that feeling, remember— because just ask yourself, have you ever tried to have a reasonable conversation with somebody in their feelings, right? Like, you can't get your point across, right? Like, you just go— y'all just going back and forth because the high— it's like a scale. The higher the emotion, the lower the logic. The sharp or the chess move thing to do is to let the emotions come down so that you can have a logical conversation. Not taking things personal and giving up the desire to be right would be a game changer in your life just right off the bat.

Well, I thank you so much because I think we're about to get kicked off, but I saw some people asking about if you had a podcast and about your schedule. So please, everyone, you know, you've, you've asked me to pin his information. I don't know how to do that. So until I learn that, please go to www.ineverworry.com. He has some podcasts that he's done there. And don't forget, he is also saying that he will give away a 90-minute training session of emotional intelligence training. So, and you got to do it within 24 hours. Okay.

Absolutely.

www.ineverworry.com. This is DB Bedford, and I am elated that we had this conversation. Someone else just mentioned that everyone doesn't have Instagram, so I'm thinking, Mr. Man, that we might have to do this again on Facebook. Are you up for that?

You know I'm down. Absolutely.

I thank you so very much for your information. I'm going to take that training course as well because I'm going to support everybody. If you enjoyed this, give us thumbs up, give up some hearts. Let us know that you— there you go. I can see the thumbs up.

Yes, that's what's up. I appreciate it.

This is my day and time to be able to give something back to you. And DB, actually, this was your idea to be able to talk to the people. So I thank you so very much for giving me your time today and everyone else that's in here. And so I hope you guys enjoyed it. And if there's anything that you heard that you loving and liking on, please spread the news. Okay. Absolutely. See you later. Thanks, DB. Bye.