Three Ways To Manage Your Emotions During This Sensitive Time

Hey, good evening, good evening, good evening. Just want to come on real quick and see if I could, uh, share some perspective. One second, let me check on them so I'll make sure I can see the comments from the other end. Yeah, so I want to come on real quick because I'm often during this, you know, all this, this sensitive time that we got going on, you know, people are constantly asking me, you know, uh, for, uh, strategies or insight on how to, you know, manage what's going on because there's a lot of stuff going on right now. And so what I wanted to do is, um, share with you, I think, 3 different ways That every day you can put yourself in a better position to be emotionally intelligent around everything that's going on. Now, in order for this to work or have a benefit to you, you have to be really open to what I'm gonna share with you, because I'm going to give you 3 very powerful strategies on how to practice emotional intelligence Amongst the COVID-19, this, this, this worldwide awareness now on racism, police brutality, the tragic death that we witnessed with George Floyd, the trauma that some of us are experiencing. And we're going through all this on top of whatever you were already going through. And so, uh, if you riding with me, you know, and if you feel like this is something that's gonna be beneficial to you, do me a favor and start sharing this video right now. Because, uh, I do think that what I'm about to give you will be beneficial to yourself and people connected to you. So take a moment to share this video right now if you're on. Um, I know that it's late, so I want to give people time. I don't want I don't want you to miss this because, you know, this is very important. And when I teach emotional intelligence and when I, uh, come up with strategies, you know, my proven formula to doing so has everything to do with what's actually working for me myself. So I'm not the type of, uh, coach or consultant that just reads something and then just passes it on. Like I, I, you know, I put it through the, you know, like I test it, right? I make sure that, you know, it's, there's something that I actually would use or be willing to use, or that I've seen somebody else using these strategies that'll be very helpful. Okay. So, you know, what else? So if you want to leave some comments, right, uh, the type of comments where I can put you on the screen, you'd have to accept, uh, this software that I'm using called StreamYard. You have to allow stream, give permission StreamYard to uh, to access your Facebook, and I could put your comments on the screen because I also want to answer any questions that you guys have because I'll be on here, be on here with you for a short period of time. So, but for now, I want to go ahead and start trying to share. So there's 3 things that you could do right now that will help you practice emotional intelligence, okay? And so, uh, before I get to those 3 things, I want to say this, right? So one of the, one of the things that we talk about in this platform is being willing, right? Having what we like to call emotional willingness. This is not part of the 3. This is framing. This is getting you ready to, to be able to, uh, implement the 3. So emotional willingness— what is your level of willingness to practice emotional intelligence when you need it the most? Because if you're not committed to practicing emotional intelligence. Meaning, what do I mean by emotional intelligence, right? Emotional intelligence— emotions, how do we feel about any given subject matter? Intelligence, what do we do with that feeling, right? The ability to process emotional situations through a strategic or logical lens. This is what the core of emotional intelligence is. What throws most of us off Is that when we need to use emotional intelligence, we don't want to because somebody, you know, you didn't see the comment, you didn't start engaging in the conversation, and somebody did something you totally don't like, and you're not even thinking about responding from a strategical way. And emotional intelligence, it has nothing to do with like a warm and fuzzy lifestyle. That's not what we're talking about here. It has everything to do with feeling the feeling, right, but not being consumed by the emotion. You get it? Okay, so you have to ask yourself before I tell you these 3 things, are you willing to use them in the times that you're probably not going to want to, right? It's easy because everything is good when it's good, right? When we're vibing on the right frequency, you're feeling good about things, it's easy to practice emotional intelligence. What really becomes the challenge is when you don't want to practice it, right? You're not in the mood, you're not feeling it. Then that's when it's time, you know what I'm saying, to practice. Okay, so I just want to keep that in mind. So what is your willingness? Are you kind of committed to, to practice emotional intelligence, or are you really committed? And that's only a question that you have to ask yourself. But if you're not willing, right? If you're not, uh, if you're not fully committed, then when that time comes, you're gonna, you're gonna find yourself, uh, struggling with being able to practice these things. Okay, so the first thing I want to give to you, all right, so I want to introduce you to something that I call mental defensible space. Okay, so you may or may not know this, but just a few years ago, about 4 years, 3 to 4 years ago, I was working for, uh, the Alameda County Probation Department. Which essentially made me a peace officer. And I worked that job for 15, almost 16 years. And in our basic training, our defensive tactics training, there is a space— there's something that they call defensible space that we were trained to do. Basically, when we're engaging with someone, you create this defensible space. Just in case that person decide they want to, uh, attack you or cause harm to you. And so it would— it would— the, the strategy was to allow you to have time to boom, to like sidestep, you know, the attack while you are having a conversation with someone. So they always encourage you to create defensible space between you and that person. Okay, so I want to take it to the next level and I want to talk about your mental Defensible space. So same strategy, when you get up every single day, you want to give yourself some mental defensible space. Okay, DB, like, what does that mean? It means that you want to make sure that you don't— the first thing, you don't connect to every— the first thing that comes your way. You don't find yourself, uh, being too close to other people's emotions, right? So having mental defensible space, meaning that when you start to see emotional situations arising, when you see conversations becoming more emotional, you know that you need to create some— a little bit of space between that conversation, between that person, between that text, between that email, right? So that you have time, right, to sidestep the negative energy that might be emoting from that situation. Okay, it makes sense. And the reason why you want to sidestep it, because the strategy of being emotionally intelligent is of— is, is, is not having other people's baggage, right, all in your space. Not getting consumed and getting your vibration— you're, you know, getting, getting low, getting your frequency lowered by other people's stuff, right? There's a saying that says just because somebody throws you the ball doesn't mean you got to catch it, right? And so there's a lot of energy going on right now. Like, no matter where you turn, like, you go to the TV, you know, you're talking to family and friends, you know, you turn on your social media, you know, you can't escape it. You go outside, there's protests everywhere. It's a lot of energy going on. And if you're not conscious, right, and if you don't take some strategies beforehand, it is very likely that you can find yourself getting connected to things that really bum you out, right, that really make you angry, that really disrupts your flow. And so creating that mental defensible space, giving yourself an opportunity to sidestep The things that are happening around you will really serve as a great benefit to you. Okay, so that's number one, having mental defensible space. Okay, so another one that I like to say, I like to, uh, and this is a real good one, and this is where I see people get tied up really, really quick. They get into it, it becomes intense really quick. People who don't have the ability to accept a different perspective. And I want you to think about that for a second. If you don't have the ability to accept a different perspective, right, you will find yourself going back and forth for an extended period of time, not realizing that when someone says something that you totally disagree with, right? It is their perspective that they are entitled to have. The problem is, because you don't like the perspective, you want to dismiss it as not being real, like they're not entitled to it or they shouldn't be saying it. You don't have to like it, you don't have to agree with it, but the sooner you can accept it, you can make 2 things. So in emotional intelligence, there's 4 domains, right? So there is the ability to be that maintain self-awareness, manage your reactions, situational awareness, and manage relationships. Situational awareness is very important. It is about the energy that, that you pick up, that people emote when you come into their space. And when you have situational awareness, you understand relatively quickly, is this a space that you should embrace Or is this a space that you should stay away from, right? Is this energy— excuse me, not space— this energy that you should embrace, or energy you should stay away from? And so when you see someone with a different perspective, right? So you see it happen all the time, right? Right now, the big thing, Black Lives Matter. And almost without a shadow of a doubt, somebody will come and say, will all lives matter? Now, obviously, as a Black man, it's like we're not talking about all lives right now. We're talking about Black lives. And then you see people who can't— for the— even to this day cannot understand what's the problem. They don't understand why people are so furious, right? And so they find whatever they can to try to minimize the fact that Black folks have been oppressed For hundreds of years. So when someone comes with a perspective of all lives matter, that is because where they come from, right, where they come from and the way they see things, maybe to them they think all lives do matter, right? Maybe they've never experienced what we have experienced, which is the reason why we're saying Black lives matter. So when I see those type of comments, I decide— situational awareness— is this energy that I want to embrace or I want to give space to? And probably the deciding factor for me is how well I know the person and what my— now remember I said self-awareness is also the important thing about emotional intelligence— and do I even feel like I want to, uh, try to have some level of engagement with any— with this person on this situation? 9 times out of 10, I don't have the energy for it because you are entitled to feel how you feel. So I think that the sooner you can accept the different perspectives, whether it's All Lives Matter, whether it's the, um, what's the thing trending right now with the girl? I think her name is Candace Owens, right? It's Black, the sister who is totally, uh, standing on the opposite side of things that I believe in. Um, I tried to watch her video to get her perspective. She was bashing her brother George Floyd. Her position is that Black folks celebrate criminals. knows. And, you know, I, I don't subscribe to that. And I feel like even if that's how she feels, is this the time to take the stance? Not something I would do. However, it's her world, it's her life, she's entitled to do it. So the power that I have is that I don't have to finish listening to this, right? Um, there are 7 billion people in this world. I do not spend time with any part of those billions of people, any part of that billion of people who don't align, at least going in the same direction that I'm going. When I realize that your energy and your flow is not in direction I'm going, I'm not mad at you. I'm just identifying who I need to be connected to and who I need to get some space to. You get it? Again, I'm giving you 3 strategies. If you just joined on, please share this video. It's going to help somebody. We're on strategy number 2. 3 3 strategies that can help you every single day, you know, dealing with the madness that is happening everywhere that we go. And if you're just joining on, the first thing I talked about is something we call mental defensible space, right? Being prepared to give, give, uh, energy and stuff space on you as you embark on your daily journey. And now we're talking about, uh, accepting different perspectives, okay? And so the last thing, let me see, uh, and so somebody put on here, uh, there was a comment, I can't see the user, says self-preservation. Absolutely, preserving, right, your, you know, yourself is very important because a lot of times, right, we take in, you know, you just imagine, just think about how your life is on a regular basis, right? Like you get up every day and then you like, you're engaging, like you're, you know, you're involved in this text and this email and this tweet and this, this Facebook and this Instagram. And then you're watching the news, and then your kids doing this, and the person in your relationship with is doing this. And then you go outside and there's protesters, you gotta go to work. And so there's a lot of things going on, and a lot of times you engage in all that activity all the way up until it's time to go to bed. And then you go to bed and you pop back up and you jump right back into it. And so when you find yourself getting upset on a regular basis because you haven't given yourself time to even process which you probably did the day before or all week. And so self-preservation is, is very, very important. Thank you, uh, Facebook user. I can't see who you are, but, uh, not through this software. I'll probably be able to see when I go back to, um, and I switch back over to the regular, um, Facebook. All right, and so this is one of my all-time favorites, right? This is strategy number 3: you gotta stay emotionally prepared. for people to switch up on you at any given time, right? 3 strategies, right? Mental defensible space. I'm going to make sure that mentally I am not too close to anybody's emotions because at any given time, right, they can switch up on me, right? And so, and they have different perspectives, and I got to make sure that if I don't agree with that expect perspective, instead of spending time trying to change their perspective, I'm going to accept their perspective, and then I'm going to decide, is this energy that I want to embrace, energy I want to get some space to? And so when you want to— when I talk about staying emotionally prepared for people to switch up on you, because you got people right now that probably doesn't show up in the space that you thought that how they should be showing up. There's people who probably not checking on you like you think they should be checking on you. There's conversations that you had and then people just switched up, right, and start being— you know, we know we like to talk about people acting funny, right? So a lot of times people just start acting funny for no reason, right? It could be something you said, you did, that you didn't even know. Um, they may not agree with the position in life that you take. You just never know. But people— the one thing's for sure and two things for certain— people will switch up on you, right? And so you got to stay emotionally prepared for people to switch up on you, and you can do that by practicing mental defensible space. And you can also do that by understanding that people will have different perspectives. All right, let me get a couple of these, uh, comments up here. So, um, hey, Miss Deborah, someone I just totally admire and adore. She says, yes, I shut down negativity down to keep my space and my mind as peaceful as I can. See, and don't let people hit you with the Jedi mind trick, making you feel like you got to do more than you're actually doing, right? Because see, a lot of times people will try to trick you, hit you with that Jedi mind trick, make you feel like you're not doing enough or what you should be doing. And a lot of times the people who tell you what you should be doing ain't doing nothing themselves. It's like the people will be like, where are all the leaders at? Where's these people at? Where is these people at? Well, the real question is that, where is you at, right? What are you doing, right? And if you are doing your thing, you don't even have time to worry about what somebody else is doing, right? So don't let people do that. So yes, Miss Deborah, we got to shut down the negativity and keep a peace of mind, right? Self-preservation, like someone just said, is important because that is the only way that you will be available when it's time for you to take action in whichever way that you're going to take action. Right? But if you're not taking care of yourself, then you're not going to be good for nobody. Okay, you know, uh, Yachty Yates, my man, say 100% true. What's up, my old school folks? Right, uh, Mr. Newton, he says, yes, misery loves company. And see, that's an old— that's an old adage, right? And but when you think about it, it's such a true statement. Like, people who are not happy with themselves, people who find themselves Uh, struggling and vibrating them low and on low vibration at low frequency, it's almost like they set out and look to see who they can get to feel like them, right? And so people love to like bring you down into their level. And so you want to be mindful with that and don't let people take you into that space. That's why defensible— having that mental defensible space is important. Make sure you, you realize the perspective that they're coming from, and then stay emotionally prepared for people to switch up on you at any given time. Let's see. You just completely touched me last 3 days. I know I have to make sure that I'm clear-minded before walking out the door. Yes, yes, yes. That's all good. I appreciate you. I appreciate you. Yeah, like, you know, people— you can imagine me positioning myself as thought leader in this community, as the emotional intelligence consultant, you know, people are calling, inboxing, texting, you know, what about this, what about that? And so I sit back and I think, I'm like, yeah, what about this? Okay, what about that? And it all to me boils down to like the basic thing, right? The simple thing. Everybody's gonna approach things differently, right? Uh, everybody is going to— there's different roles. Some people are going to protest, some people are gonna throw money at the situation. Uh, some people are going to— um, I started writing a new book right as a result of this, and I'm so excited about it. I can't wait to announce what it is. Uh, I don't want to, uh, give it out too early, but I will tell you what I'm about to launch next is going to give Black— the Black culture something new and something they can stand behind that they will be proud to stand behind. Mark my words with this. This is going to be historical, what I'm going to, uh, launch into the culture relatively shortly here. And it will be here 200, 300 years from now. And because, you know, one thing that people don't realize— this is a little bit off topic, but I think it's really fitting right now. And this is some of the back office conversations that, you know, um, that I like to have with folks, you know what I'm saying? And You know how we talk about our ancestors, right? Like your ancestors, like everything that was, um, they had to go through, right? So slavery is the most notable thing that, you know, if you imagine what life was like for our ancestors, like, you know, being actual slaved in chains and whipped and working all day and, and all that kind of stuff. And then imagine, you know, being hung, right, for, you know, because they felt like it, and bringing people to watch us being hung, right? Now none of us today lived in those times, but we can feel it, right? And we know that, you know, it was a very, you know, tribal— we know that we, you know, there was a lot of spiritual, you know, connections and things of that nature. So we can feel it, right? Um, you know, civil rights, right? The segregation, all that kind of stuff, right? Well, one day, you guys, like And I need you to, I need you to really feel me on this, right? One day we're gonna be ancestors. Hmm. Like 200 years, like in, in the— we in the 2000s, so in the '30s, the, you know, the 3000s and 3010, right? And 4010, right? DB Bedford is going to be someone that whoever's living in that time, they're gonna be somebody they just heard of. Right? What are you going to leave behind that 100 years from now, 200 years from now, your people, right? Your kids, kids, kids, kids, kids, kids, kids, kids, kids, right? What are you gonna leave behind for them to gravitate to, to get them to— for whatever it's going to be like for them, right? Because history Right, is a prediction of the future. And so we're drawing energy from those who come before us, but very few of us are taking responsibility for what we're going to leave long after we're gone. And you may not be emotionally mature to process that conversation yet, depending on how much life experience you had and where you're in and how old you are right now. But I do want you to take into consideration That you will be someone's ancestor at some point, right? We're not going to be here forever. We get 100 years at best, right, if we lucky, right? But around 100, right, even if you live to 100, you know you about to check out of here real soon. It's just the way it is. So we don't got that much longer here. So ain't no— you ain't no sense of being afraid of leaving. We leaving, but what will we leave behind? And that is where we need to be. And if you can wrap your mind around that, then maybe you will be motivated to do more, be more, feel more, right? And life won't feel so, so, so burdensome, right? Because you might be focused on the wrong things. Right? There's a saying that says, you know, whatever you focus on is exactly what you're gonna see, right? Or you can look at it this way: whatever you water is what's going to grow, right? So you want to keep that in mind. Where's your focus at? You know, where do you want to be? Like, how do you want to— you know what I'm saying? Like, where do you want to, like, uh, like Like, what do you want to leave behind, right? Because we're leaving. So what do you want to leave behind, right? Hey, Monica, like, you know, what is the big picture, right, for you? You might not be there yet, and I get it, right? You might not be there yet, but I do believe at some point you will get there, especially where we are right now. So I want to just give you guys, you know what I'm saying, 3 things that you can try to use to get started on, uh, you know, every single day, uh, as you are navigating. Uh, as you got— most of you guys know, I, I do have— if this is not enough for you, if you need more, I do have a— the link should be up somewhere in one of those, um, up top. I do have a free emotional intelligence master class that, I mean, since it's late night, if you up, it take you about 45 minutes And so, look on the link, uh, in, um, at the top of this post. Take the class. I drop at least a dozen nuggets like this that will help you be able to practice emotional intelligence when you need it the most. Because the thing about emotional intelligence, the power is in the processing. So, just to recap, 3 particular strategies. You want to create some mental defensible space every— every day you get up. What does that mean? The analogy that I gave, working as a peace officer myself, in our, in our defensive tactic training, they used to teach us how to give space to the person we're engaging in just in case they decide to attack. We could sidestep, right? You know, deflect, right? Without getting— without taking that first punch, right? Because that first, that first punch or two can knock you out. So you want to get some space and you want to block it and deflect it so you can't get knocked out. With that mental defensible space, some people's words and energy and emo— I mean, it could take you out the game for the rest of the day emotionally. So you want to give people your mental defensible space. That's your mental giving space, right, to other people's emotions. Okay, I talked about Accepting different perspectives, okay? Everybody is not going to see things the way that you see them, period. And the power is accepting even though you don't agree. I know it's going to be tough for some of you, but accepting even though you don't agree, okay? You don't have to agree to accept. But once you understand, and you understand the value of accepting that people see things from a different perspective, then you use your situational awareness and decide, is this something I want to engage in or give space to? Because the power is in a decision as well. You can always decide not to engage, but most— well, but boy, I tell you, most of us do that. You know, just do it to be doing it, right? And you want to stay emotionally prepared for people to switch up on you at any given time, you know. You know, I appreciate you too as well. It's all love, you know. Um, good, you know, good stuff, you know. I appreciate you tapping in this evening, you know. Okay, so you guys, I'm gonna go ahead and check out of here. I got some work to do, I got some writing to do. Um, I, I just wanted to tap in for a short period of time. Uh, thank you for all you that spent a little moment with me today. Please do me a favor, share this video. Um, go to ineverworry.com if you want to learn more about what I'm doing. But I do encourage you, take the free— it's an absolutely free master class. And I call it a master class because I took some of the most powerful strategies that I've used, right, that I use today in my virtual trainings, um, in my in-person trainings, that really moves the needle in people's lives. And so, you know, the, the link is up there up top. Please, you, if you're not doing that, if up and you late, just go take the class, right? It's free, right? Get you some more game, get you some more tools. So tomorrow— because tomorrow's gonna be a busy day, and every day after, right, it's gonna be popping— I want you to be prepared, right? Uh, at any given time. Right on, Marcus. I appreciate you, brother. All right, so with that being said, I'm out. Y'all have a good evening. DB Bedford, your emotional intelligence consultant. Peace.