Tony Gaskins outlines seven communication rules for men and women: wait 1-24 hours before serious talks, take turns speaking, use "I feel" statements, avoid yelling or name-calling, understand before being understood, agree to disagree when needed, and act after full exchange. He says these rules work for intimate partners and workplace relationships alike.
Hey, hey, Tony Gaskins here popping in. Now listen, this is, this is a really important conversation because we see what's going on. And as I'm giving you these videos, it's just really coming from all of the emails, all of the stuff going viral online. And it goes hand in hand with what I'm talking about today because you always hear me talk about emotional intelligence. Well, my good brother DB Bedford actually is an emotional intelligence coach. He speaks on it all throughout the country, working with several companies. Your company probably could bring him in. And he actually sponsored today's video, and he has a free book for you. So when you go to the link in the description— I'm putting the website in the description— you can get your free 30 days to emotional wellness. So this right here, it ties in perfectly with the topic of communication. Our communication has broken down so much that we're really losing, and we have to come to the place to where you create— you, you got to sit down and recreate your communication rules. Now, my personality is different than your personality. So my rules may be slightly different than yours. So if I know I have a temper or that I fly off the handle, one of my rules in communication may be to remain seated. One of yours might not have to be. You maybe can have a conversation standing up in the park, or, you know, even at home in the kitchen, y'all leaning on the counter and y'all just having a conversation because you know your temperament. Well, if you curse and you know the way you use curse words, you could slice and dice, and you know that when you use those curse words, your emotional intelligence goes out the window. Well, you need to put that on your communication rules, and when you put that in there, now you set a boundary that keeps you inside of that. And what we have to realize is that men and women don't communicate the same way. When you look at a relationship, a lot of times somebody in the relationship shuts down. They shut down. They don't want to say anything. They don't want to express themselves. They're just like, you know what, forget it. They don't like— they don't like any conflict. And a lot of times in a relationship, you have to have tough conversations in order for it to work. And so that's why this emotional wellness is so important. And so I want you to make sure that you click the link in the bio and that you sign up on the site, get your free ebook or your free book. Well, you actually get a physical book, but all you're doing is paying for the shipping. And go through this, spend your time. And what I love is that this is somebody from our community Whereas I always talk about emotional intelligence, and that emotional intelligence is going to help you communicate better, not just with your spouse or your friend, your lover, but even with your boss, with your employees if, if you run the company, with your co-workers across the board. My communication rules is the first is wait. 1 to 24 hours before addressing a serious issue. Just give yourself time to cool down. Another is to take turns talking. That is important so that you're not over-talking each other and inviting disrespect. Another is to use I feel statements. Instead of using accusatory statements, you never do this, you always do that, you say, I feel like you are overstepping your boundaries. I feel like you're talking down to me. I feel like you're taking me for granted. I feel like— when you use those I feel statements, it's harder for a person to tell you what you do and don't feel. Because these are your feelings, instead of just accusing them of doing something and them being able to say, I don't do that, I never do that, what are you talking about? Another one of my rules is do not yell, for obvious reasons. Another rule is no name-calling, for obvious reasons. Another is no cursing, and that's because the more you curse, the less sensitive you become to your behavior. So that cursing can incite violence. So you want to be careful about that. Another is to take action after you have fully expressed yourself and communicated with the person you're talking to. You've heard them, and inside of listening, you know the rule of seek to understand Then be understood. So when you seek to understand, and then at the end of the conversation you take action, because now you know how he or she feels, what he or she is asking of you, and what you need to go and do. And that is if you agree and you come to terms. And sometimes another rule is to agree to disagree. Sometimes you got to agree to disagree, and you just got to be Be able to walk away from that. Sidestep the power struggle. So listen, this is something that is—it takes daily practice. And one of the things that I'm doing is I am reciting in my mind what I'm getting ready to say, and then I look at the possible reactions or responses. And if it is not favorable, if it is not kind, or if it's not— if what I'm about to say is not going to, you know, provoke the right feelings or response, then I just don't say it. And sometimes I ignore it and I say it anyways, and what I thought would happen happens. And so think about that. So hey, thank you so much to DB Bedford for sponsoring this video. Make sure you visit the link in the description And get your free book, 30 Days to Emotional Wellness. I'm looking at the site right here, set up amazingly. Get on over there, link in the description, grab your book, tell DB thank you. If you own your company and you got 5, 10 staff, put 'em on a Zoom or bring 'em in if you over the events at your job. And let's continue to grow emotionally. Mentally, spiritually, all around the board. Hey, thank y'all so much. We'll talk soon.
I was literally kicked off a Southwest flight before for being disrespectful.
