Workplace War Stories Ep 03 (Audio Only)

You are now listening to Workplace War Stories on the I Never Worry Podcast, the number one place to unpack that emotional baggage you've been carrying around for far too long. Here's your opportunity to process those challenging situations at work through emotionally intelligent conversations with the EI Guy, DB Bedford, and his co-host, Terry Jones.

Welcome to Workplace War Stories. My name is DB Bedford, better known as the EI Guy. Terry Jones, my co-host, she has the day off today, but today I have a very, very special guest. Before I introduce her though, I want to talk about why Workplace War Stories is so important. You know, when I thought of this concept, it really had everything to do about me listening to a lot of people that I know Me, for those who don't know, I'm an emotional intelligence consultant. So I do trainings in the workplace. And one of the reasons why they bring me in for training is because people get emotionally involved in their feelings at some point at work, and their behaviors start to be impacted. The way we communicate with each other, the way they engage with each other. And at some point, a leader or a manager or someone says, I need to bring somebody in to try to, you know, do something to try to neutralize the negativity in the culture. And by that time is when I usually get a call to see if I can bring emotional intelligence into the space. And outside of that, you know, people will call me and tell me about, oh man, you got a minute? And I'll be like, what's up? And then they start telling me about things that are happening in their workplace. And so it made me really think about how important this might be in terms of creating a platform for folks to kind of unpack that emotional baggage, like I said, that you might be holding on to far too long. And I think what I want this to— I know what I want this to be is like the number one platform where leaders and team members can come and just hear what's on people's minds and their hearts or what they're going through at work so that people can make some adjustments to increase the morale in the workplace. So So that's the whole purpose of Workplace War Stories. And I'm— thank you so much for coming today. So today I got a special guest, and, you know, we've been knowing each other for several years, and she always brings a very good perspective to whatever subject matter that we're talking about. And let me introduce you guys to Tamika Nicole. Standing ovation for you. Oh, thank you.

Thank you so much, and thank you for having me.

All right, so thanks for taking your time. And what I love about Tamika Nicole, she, she is gainfully employed, but she's always— she's also an entrepreneur, and she has a couple of different ventures. But today I want to highlight a very special, uh, business that she started recently that solves a huge problem. So for you dog owners out there, I own a dog. My dog is named Mango. And one of the things that we also have issues with, if we want to go on vacation, where do you take Mango? Or if you want to be gone for an extended period of time, where would I take Mango? So if you're a dog owner, you understand what I'm about to say next. When it's time for you to try to go and get some time for you and your family, who is going to take care of your pet? Well, Tamika came up with a nice solution to that problem. And her company is called Your Dog's Best Friend. Tell us a little bit about that company.

Well, thank you so much. I love Your Dog's Best Friend. And I think what sets me apart, or what I know to set me apart, is that I actually love your dog. I'm going to love your dog like it's my own dog. And it resolves an issue I was having with not being able to have a pet where I live. And I will be honest, there was a point in time when I was really considering moving out of my nice apartment so that I could move somewhere that allowed dogs. So I had already been doing this for quite some time, and I decided to make it an official registered business last November, Your Dog's Best Friend LLC. And I will solve your problems of not knowing what to do with your dog while you're on vacation. Please plan your vacations. Reach out to me. They can follow me on Instagram at—

@yourdogsbestfriend.

Your Dog's Best Fran. F-R-A-N. Your Dog's Best Fran. I look forward to what my business has coming up. I'm almost 1 year old, and I have definitely been solving a lot of problems and challenges of people that had held off their vacation plans or was unable to return back to work. And then they found me, Your Dog's Best Fran.

Mm-hmm. Nice. I love it. Love it. So I really appreciate that. And so let's talk a little bit about, you know, we're here to talk about workplace war stories. And again, it's really about— it's not about like throwing people's names out there or throwing companies out there. It's about shared experiences that are lit, that whoever's listening to can be like, oh, you know what, I experienced something like that. Or you might be a leader and you might be thinking, might be wondering what kind of goes on in the minds of the people you're supervising over these series of podcasts, you're going to start hearing that. And so we can help make the adjustments. And because I'm the EI guy and I do everything through emotional intelligence, there's an opportunity as well to flush any problematic situations out during this conversation. So I'm excited about that. So tell us a little bit about the industry that you're in.

Um, I'm in the mental health field and this is my 12th year.

Okay. And how did you get into that field?

Honestly, I was at this company in particular back in 2004. I left out of state for a while. I came back in 2011 and needed somewhere to do an internship for a medical billing and coding program that I was in at the time. And what I needed and what they needed just happened to work out. The person that was in the front office, she was getting ready to go on leave. I needed hours and they were willing to pay me. So it wasn't technically an internship because it was paid and I just worked my way up the ladder.

And so when you think about— so I remember one time I was on social media and I put out like I was thinking about, because I think about my work experience, you know, I have a long work experience in criminal justice, right? I've been a full-time entrepreneur now for about 6 years and But when I think about— no, about 5 years. But when I think about, uh, things that went on with work, like, I got tons of stories myself, but I also think about like these certain kind of personalities that show up at work. And so like if I threw out a personality style like a Toxic Ted or a Toxic Tammy, right? What comes to mind when you think about a toxic person in your work environment?

Well, if I can be honest, I've been a toxic Tamika. I've definitely been—

That's what I'm talking about.

A toxic Tamika. And what comes to mind is someone who remembers everything, and they want to destroy you with what they remember at any given time. And they also make it known to other people that they could destroy you With this person's information at any given time.

And what drives that? And thank you for being honest because that's what we want to be because we want to be transparent. The only way we're going to get the best benefit from this podcast is to be honest. And so thank you for being honest that there was a time when you were toxic to Mika. So how did you get there? Did you show up like that? Did you get converted into being that? Can you remember? When you look back in hindsight that you became the toxic one?

I think for me, it's always been the underlying issue of change in management. Unfortunately or fortunately, over the years, I have become very closely connected with those who are managing me because they have a spirit of showing me something that's not necessarily in my job description that will benefit me professionally. So when those types of bosses leave me, unfortunately, it's been difficult and challenging for me to accept the new bosses. And new bosses usually bring in new staff. And then there's the dynamic of the new staff versus veteran staff or older staff. And it's never good because the new staff is looked at like, oh, look at these jewels. And the older staff is like, oh, they've been here. They got attitudes. They want their schedule a certain way. They're the types that's going to advocate for raises. So not necessarily a dynamic with older staff that new administration or new management wants to come in under. So for me, it was a lot of projecting. Like, I want to be the star. I know that I'm good at my job. But they don't even see me now. They only see the people that they brought on. So I'm underneath this other umbrella, and it hurts. So let me start talking about X, Y, and Z at the water cooler. Let me start talking about— A, B, and C on the back patio.

That, you know what? See, I told you it's gonna be dope. I told you, we just warming up because I am willing to bet that right now, whoever catches this vibe of this part of recording is gonna be like, yep, that, yep, I hate when it happens, right? Because time and time again, Management or leadership will shift. So I think this is a— this is what— this is one of those moments, a gem for those that are in leadership to take into consideration. You just, you just said something that I think people might understand if you say it out loud, but they don't understand how deeply rooted it is because you just expressed your feelings for when you have a relationship with this leadership, this management. You've got to adapt it to this style. And then there's a change. Change has nothing to do with you, but in your mind, it got everything to do with you.

Absolutely.

Right? And, and here's the thing that I just picked out of that. It's a nugget, like, that might become like something we really need to flesh out. You said that I'm used to being seen and now they don't see me. Like, I got to think about, like, when I became Because I became part of a change of leadership because I promoted up to the highest rank when I worked for my career in law enforcement. And you're right. Like, when you get to that space, like, I definitely brought in all my people, right? And to be honest with you, I didn't think nothing was wrong with it, right?

And I don't think there's anything wrong with it. I think it's how you balance out and merge the old and the new. I think that has to be much more of a collaborative effort. I think for me too, knowing that there was going to be this shift in administration, not necessarily a heads up, but I'm thinking because I'm in a medical field, like, help us provide some type of onsite counseling or mediation so that we know where our veteran staff is and we know if they have any expectations. I think being a part of the hiring process, even if it's just minor, like developing the questions that they may ask during the interview for finding this new management, I think for me that would've softened the blow. But even reaching way further back, it's also a deeply rooted trauma response.

Mm.

And even though that's, it kind of is still the platform for it because you have to see things from this emotional intelligence lens at all times, not just at work, not just when it's beneficial, but most definitely in times when you have to hold yourself accountable. So a lot of my connection with bosses, that's because of lack of X, Y, and Z in my childhood or things that I've been exposed to. So I've moved on from that specific job, and it's been some years now. So I think knowing that and processing that and giving a space in between leaving that job and my position now where I have had a boss that I wasn't connected to, so I saw how easily it was for me to move on from that space of, oh God, another person is leaving me. So I think overall, just to summarize an answer to your question, is collaboration makes it much less painful.

And so I want— okay. And so I'm thinking about— so one, as a leader, before, I can honestly tell you that I never would've considered me being assigned to a new leadership position as a trauma-triggering event for anyone on board.

Mm-hmm.

So I can tell you that that's hidden in plain sight. I never would've thought about the impact that it had because honestly, as I'm reflecting, Coming into this seat, I'm coming to do the work that this assignment calls for. I am happy for myself. I'm proud. So here's my emotions is that I've just taken my career to the next level. I have all these ideas. I'm excited about what I can do next. And I am not even thinking about the folks that it might impact. And so I think that's a, that's a, that's a pretty big takeaway, uh, for those that are moving into leadership positions and those that are currently in them, uh, knowing that there is, you know, a Toxic Tamika can develop, right, from just that alone. That's just one element of it. Anything else that maybe contributed to you Assuming the role of being the toxic one in the environment?

Not taking care of myself outside of work, bringing things inside the job that could have absolutely been handled outside of the job, lack of sleep. I think things that you automatically presume are common sense, but definitely the lack of sleep, not balancing my time between work and social life or lack of social life. So I think those are the things that we think of that should be so second nature, like getting enough sleep, not overcaffeinating. Those are really the caveats to bigger problems that occur down the line. And often, because we spend the majority of our time at work, that's where you explode. You've been imploding for so long that by the time any little thing— say they Forgot to give you back your vacation slip. And it's minor. The vacation hasn't been denied. It hasn't been granted. It's just in limbo. And you're thinking that, oh no, I've missed the timeframe, 'cause the timeframe is strict in which you gotta turn it in. But that little thing, now all of a sudden the HR director is a bitch. She's this, she's that. She's been here this long. And You know, she doesn't help the people. And these are the type of things that can lead to a bigger problem and definitely can lead to a toxic Tamika. Um, I also think, you know, just to further elaborate on not being seen, the not being seen, especially as a Black woman, a Black woman who is an ex-felon, a Black woman who's an ex-felon with no secondary Education as in no initials behind my name, you know, no degree. So I carry all that stuff with me on top of worrying about my hair. I am a locked Black woman.

Mm-hmm.

And all of that plays into part of your identity when you step into the workplace. And I've always liked to describe myself as always authentic. My voice doesn't change. I think the only thing that someone can say about me in a workplace is that I don't cuss, probably as much as I do, and embarrassed a little bit to admit that I do in my social life, in my personal life. So I think just how I extinguish toxic Tamika is I have to really just ground myself and sometimes remind myself of how much money I make and how fortunate I am and the neighborhood that I live in. And even though those are monetary things and people like to classify that stuff as not important, It is important. It's important for my livelihood. It's important for my peace of mind. It is important to know that, um, based on my talents and what a job saw in me, I'm able to provide these things for myself. That for me, there was a point in my life, as you know, that I couldn't imagine having these things for myself. Very small things on a grander scale. And it might take a few go-arounds. It might take a few— let me not do the Twitter fingers. I erase a lot of emails. I mean, a lot of emails, because I really want to tell people a lot of times where to go and how fast they can get there. Because trust me, I'm really not the one in a work environment. And I have to just tone toxic Tamika down and know who is an ally at work and who is just the hi and bye. just the email person at work. And I have a great sounding board, a great support system, and on my leadership team that I'm a part of at work. So Toxic Tamika, she doesn't make too many appearances these days. More like Truthful Tamika. I definitely— because I come from some toxic work environments, I'm always— I got to protect myself.

Mm-hmm.

I got to keep documentation. Because if it feels funny— that's one thing I will say. If it feels funny at work, It is funny every time.

So when them spidey senses get to tingling, trust them every time. Let me unpack a couple of things that you said there. So I want to go back a couple of, couple of verses back when you talked about projecting, right? Because, because if we, if we weave some of this through the emotional intelligence lens, and you were like, hey, you got to be— you got to have your EI on at all times, right? So, you know, Projecting is a form of self-awareness, right? And so can you just, when you mentioned being mindful of projecting, what were you talking about? What was your thoughts when you said, I gotta be careful about projecting? Tell us a little bit about that.

Making sure that if I'm mad or frustrated with myself, that I'm not mad and frustrated at somebody at work for no reason. And there's been times when I'm mad at, Something going on in my personal life. I have looked at my phone and looked to see who is the easiest target. Who can I just go off on?

Okay.

So same thing at work. Oh, the new girl? You want to shadow me? Girl, you don't want to shadow me. This is definitely not what you want. I've been here X amount of years and I hate it here. And that's the type of attitude I've come with. Sorry to all the trainees that have shadowed me. when I was toxic Tamika. And I mean, that hasn't always been the experience. But there has been times when I'm angry at either myself, a situation, or maybe I'm angry at a higher-up at work, but I can't go off on the higher-up.

Oh, yeah.

But I can go off on you.

Yeah.

I can go off on the assistant to the higher-up. Because my feeling when I am projecting these wayward, angry, frustrated emotions at work is I want to get as close to the target if I I can't hit the target.

Yeah.

It's like a game of telephone where everybody's talking about what Tamika did, what Tamika did. By the time it gets to the end of the person, girl, did you see what Tamika did? Or did you hear about it? And that is another form of projecting. All the people involved, they're projecting what they heard. They don't know how to process the information or just throw it away. So they projecting on everybody who's willing to hear, including clients and those we serve.

That is very powerful because what I pull out of that is that you're very intentional about that. When you in that space, like, this was intentional. And so for a toxic Ted, Tamika, Tamara, Tammy, and again, when we're talking about, we're not talking about individuals, right? Unless someone steps up and say, no, I can represent that. We're talking about the personality traits. Of, you know, this particular— these, these type of individuals who exist in the workplace. So today we're talking about those that are toxic. And so we learned that, um, someone can become toxic. Of course, I know there's multiple ways how it can happen, but we're learning today that it can come from a shift, right, in the organization, whether it's leadership, policy, ways of doing things. But in this particular conversation, we're talking about leadership. And we know that it can be birthed from someone basically losing the light or losing the ability to be seen or losing the authority or the freedom to do something when the new folks come in. And so you're kind of fighting your way back to be seen. And when it doesn't seem like you can just get there organically, then it creates this inner feeling that you start showing up and being like, you know what? And then Again, we all have our higher self and our lower self, right? And so, you know, we can all— we can vibrate high or we can operate low. And so when someone decides they're going to move into that toxic space, they go to that low vibrating space. And so just by you just breaking that down, how we— how one can get there, I think is super powerful. And then the projection. So when we talk about emotional intelligence, we always talk about, you know, self-awareness, Because that's the number one thing. If you're going to talk about emotional intelligence, you have to know that self-awareness is the number one element, strategy, domain, wherever you want to call it. You got to be mindful of your mood, your attitude, and the energy that you bring to every situation. And we talk about projection bias a lot. So you just, you just mentioned projection. I'm gonna add the projection bias to it. And that bias is that when we see people doing things in a way that we wouldn't do it, right? So like you said, I mean, they could have been more collaborative. They could have gave us some heads up. They could have— there's a lot of things they could do to soften the blow, which is real, but that's also real to you. So you're projecting, oh, I wouldn't have done it like that. So now we are bothered because you didn't do it the way that— We wanted it to be done, or you wanted it to be done. And so I think it's important that we pay attention to that, like, in our lives. Like, when you go around projecting onto others how you think something should be, just because you think that doesn't mean that that is how it should be. And you don't have to agree with it, but you also don't have to be intentional about trying to tear people down or, you know, make your— or bring that negative vibe. Because you simply— because you don't agree with something.

You're going to be disappointed every time. That's like having an expectation, and unrealistic at that, especially if you don't own the company. You cannot go into a work environment with projection bias. It will rob any joy that you have in that position that you hold in that company that you do not own.

Most definitely. And so how does one grow? So if someone is listening to this and they're like, you know what, I got to be honest. So if someone's listening to this and they like, man, you know what, I got to be honest, like, I, you know, I'm in that toxic space right now, number one. So it'll be a 2-part question. So if I'm in that toxic space right now, what, what did you do? What were some of the things you did to come out of that space? And then the other part of the question, where I'll circle back, it'll be if someone recognizes they're working with, right, a toxic Tamika, like, how, how could they maybe bring some perspective to make you know that you are in that space without getting that smoke.

Right.

So let's start with the first one. How did you even— so how did you move yourself away from being toxic, Tamika?

I think recognizing that I had to be accountable in some situations. I had to be aware of where I was at professionally versus where I wanted to go and what was I going to have to do to get to that next level. And I've always had the mentality, like, I don't have to do shit but stay Black and die.

No.

There's a lot of things in between those things. One, that I'm born with, and two, whenever I die. There's a huge gap, God willing, in between that time. So just recognizing where my fault was, if there was any fault, recognizing the steps needed to get to where I was going, recognize who was going to have to be an ally of mine. And I didn't have to like them, but I needed to respect them. And in the mental health field, it's very small. And I managed to maintain a reputation that is definitely no nonsense. But I think where I probably get a pass or people are more accepting of it, because it's more cultural than attitude, is that I am very expressive. I am very passionate. And that does not mean that I have an attitude in the negative sense. But it means that I have an attitude because I'm serious about what my request is. Because most likely, if you are dealing with me inside my agency or outside my agency, current and past, is you're going to need me for something. And I am the gatekeeper to a lot of different scenarios. And I hold that very near and dear to my heart, and I take any responsibility very serious. So recognizing also that just the toxic person just sucks. They don't, they don't have friends at work.

How do you feel being toxic? When, if you could think about it, like, what does that feel? Okay. So there's some level of feeling by creating all this, this madness, right? So you find some type of maybe joy or, I don't know, relief. I don't know what happens in that moment, but overall. How do you feel when you're in that space?

Oh, when the toxic tornado is just happening? Ooh, I feel good. I'm dropping bombs. And I mean bombs that have email timestamps, bombs that's going to all the franchises, all the big people, and you feel good. So it is this space of euphoria. Like, yeah, I got them. I really, I really got them this time. And then you come down from that, you're like, shit, nah, they got me. They got me. Now I can't file for, um, EDD. Now I can't do X, Y, and Z financially. And that financial piece, again, even though they say not to worry about the monetary stuff in life, the monetary stuff you need to live life.

Yeah, for sure.

Period. So, but there's been times when I have felt bad.

Mm-hmm.

And I would say more often than not, I always feel bad. And not necessarily because I was hurt or my feelings were impacted, but because the actions I took to communicate that. And a lot of my actions were very egregious, very uncalled for. And I think over, you know, the last 15 years of my career or so, I've definitely made amends with a lot of bridges that I probably scorched, some I probably burned. I've never burned any completely down. Very, very, very, very close, but nothing completely. And I think, you know, it is that twofold of how you feel when you're that toxic person is you feel good, like you did everything, you got the people justice, you advocated, now you're seen. And there's the, why did I do this? Now I have to spend an unknown amount of time rectifying all the stuff that I did over here. And the other part of your question is when— how do you feel when you see those type of people at work? If you know like I know, or you have experience being the toxic person or working in an environment where there's toxic people, my best advice is always avoid those people. You won't have to— you won't have to ask them if they're toxic. You won't really have to see too much. You will know those people. Toxic people are like the heavy air in the room.

Mm-hmm.

And they often have collaborations with other people in the organization. They very rarely ever are just solo, and not necessarily somebody who spreads these untruths or has these challenging situations, but somebody who is like their sounding board. And I've had a few over the years, but when you see the toxic person and you recognize that that's what—

But what about the damages that are happening along the way, right? Some— I think also, uh, in the environment, I think that's what people normally do. I think people do stay away from the toxic people. Everybody knows who it is, right? But nobody's really doing something about it. So do— do, as a manager or a leader of an organization or CEO, I— we're supposed to just wait till you decide to find yourself? What do you—

No, I would—

A leader, what advice would you give someone in a leadership position?

I would want my staff to come to me. I would also, as a leader, which is how I operate as a leader, is I have one-to-ones with my staff. And our one-to-ones are not just the business end. It's also the, are you taking care of yourself, the self-care. What are you doing to decompress? Do you have a soundboard, whether at work, you know, outside of work? So I think for me as a leader—

And you have a toxic Tamika, how are you going to address her? Now, I think it'd be a little bit easier for you because you have the experience. So you can, I'm sure you can lead with the, I understand where you're coming from. But how would you advise someone else? Someone's listening to this, They're like, damn, I got some toxic people in my organization. What would you say would be a strategical way to move the needle in that space?

Definitely lead with emotional intelligence during your one-to-ones. All leaders, no matter what industry, you should be having regular one-to-ones with your staff. That is when you're going to get to the meat and potatoes of who your staff is, even if they don't share a lot of personal things about themselves, you are going to get a better sense of their overall self when you are in these one-to-ones. Also, I think what has helped me is looking at things from a diversity, equity, and inclusivity lens, which is hand in hand with emotional intelligence. Understanding that maybe the way that this toxic person isn't actually toxic. Maybe it is a cultural behavioral pattern. Maybe there is some trauma associated behind this. There's many different variations. So I think for me, just going in knowing that there's these variables from an inclusivity lens and from an emotional intelligence lens and also from a human lens and those 3 components, understanding there's things on that list that we come up with that we can normalize that might not look so toxic when we get done developing our list of things that we're— what we're going to talk about. And then after you develop this list or bullet points or areas that you may want to graze, you want to ask the person for consent. Do I have consent to share this with you? These are some observations. This is not a he said, she said.

Can you say that again? I'm lost. So You said ask for consent.

Yes.

Bring that into—

So if somebody tells me that someone is being toxic and they would like for me to mediate a conversation, which I will do, I'm willing to do in a work environment. I try not to mediate things in my personal life, but definitely in a work environment. Now that I have the person who's deemed toxic, can I— I'm going to ask this person, can I have consent to give you this feedback.

Okay.

And I think consent is really important. Um, and the feedback doesn't necessarily have to be, um, classified as negative. It can just be constructive. Because in some cases, probably very rare, um, people don't know they're being toxic.

I was going to ask you, do you even know that you're being toxic?

People don't even know you're being toxic, especially nowadays, because the word is It's so oversaturated.

Yeah.

It's everywhere. So, you know, they call Future toxic, but is he really toxic to me? He's not toxic to me. He is about 100 degrees, if not more, of separation. So I think we have to separate social media definitions, which I'm not taking from social media at all. You get a lot of valuable information, but really understanding the root of the word and how it applies. So recognizing the toxic person can be difficult. Being the toxic person is awful, but it happens. And having those uncomfortable, challenging conversations when somebody has come to you and said, I think this person is a representation of toxicity, and it's impacting my day-to-day life. And I also— excuse me— recommend that if the toxicity is taking over, because I've been on the other end of the toxic stuff, And I recommend therapy. I recommend therapy anyway. But it got to a point for me, you just start to question your self-worth if you're a constant punching bag or people are taking these digs at you. And people that all other times, except for this time when they're displaying this behavior towards you, you look up to them. They're wells of information. And for whatever reason, they don't like you. So they project and they dig and they spread half-truths or total non-truths. And it just gets to be a point where not only are you questioning your self-worth, you're questioning how you make your money. Like, I gotta leave this job because there's absolutely a point where the only recommendation is to move on.

Mm-hmm.

And sometimes you don't get to move on with the, um, financial cushion that is ideal. Sometimes you have to literally say, I'm out. Yeah, here's my time card, here's my whatever, whatever company property you have to return in that moment and be done. And I don't highly recommend those situations, but sometimes they are highly recommended and that's what you have to do.

Well, I mean, I had to do that. That's why I left my— that's how I ended up being a full-time entrepreneur. I mean, it was a very risky move. But, you know, my environment became toxic. And for me, like, the world around me in that environment became toxic because I was over time creating a lot of envious folks because of— and for me, it was because the amount of— a lot of people would call it favoritism. that I was receiving. A lot of people didn't like how I moved up so fast. And it happened over a couple of different leaderships. So it didn't happen with one particular leadership. It happened over a couple of different—

That's when you know it's real.

Right. But they wouldn't accept it as real. Of course not. And so by the time the final person came and we end up having a very strong bond, then it was just like, oh, they— he only gets that because because of this. And it's not like when she got there, like she pulled me out the janitor's closet.

Right.

Like I was already up, right? She just, you know, based on my work ethic, took me to the next level. So what started happening, number one, I definitely could have chose to stay, but I'm someone who emotional intelligence is like the heartbeat of my spirit. And situational awareness is something that I'm very, very feel strongly about, I'm always going to decide whether I'm going to engage, give some space, right, come back to it later, or not come back at all. But I'm also decided— I think when I turned like 40, I had decided that I was not going to do anything in life anymore that I didn't want to do. So, and I loved what I did. So this, me leaving, doesn't It doesn't, it's not a substitute. I loved my career. I loved everything about it. I loved it, loved it, loved it. But then for the last couple of years, you know, fighting with the union and, you know, and dealing with grievances and unnecessary stuff. And it, it wasn't about the work anymore for me. I, I, I try to live in purpose. And so the purpose that I served in that environment, I found myself doing the bureaucracy and the politics instead of the work. And I could have stayed and fought through it, but it wasn't— it wasn't make— I wasn't jumping out of the bed anymore, like excited about what I was to do. And so to your point, I decided to remove myself from the situation. I'm glad I did. It was the best thing that I ever did because it put me in a new, a new, a repositioned space to serve at a greater level and the freedom. You know what I mean? To not have to immerse myself in controlled environments. Because when you're at work, as soon as you step through the door or punch your time card or swipe your card, you are now in a controlled environment that is controlled by these different elements. And so I'm not advocating for people to walk away from your job, but I'm also saying, but don't ignore the fact that it's an option. Because what a lot of people forget that a lot of times in these jobs, we forget who we are, right? We get lost and we lose our value. And you gotta remember that you are somebody. Like, don't forget who you are and you bring value.

And I think too, we're unwilling to explore our capabilities.

Yeah.

We think that these dreams might be stupid. And often, These dreams are not stupid. Most, I feel like, entrepreneurs, from what I've read and the statistics associated with it, started from a little penny-ante dream.

Mm-hmm.

Multimillionaires. And do I have an unrealistic expectation of my own business? No, but I don't limit where my imagination and my resources can take me. And I think anybody that's looking to go into that and you think that you will be void of these workplace war stories. You won't, right? It's also in the land of being an entrepreneur.

Oh, absolutely. We're gonna have a whole segment on that for sure because, uh, man, it gets juicy, right? On the entrepreneur side. And, you know, but I really think that, you know, if we want to button this all up, I think like for this particular episode, thank you for bringing that just that insightful perspective.

Thank you.

Right, of what it feels like, what it looks like, what it means to be toxic, right? Very few people won't own it, but because you have that level of emotional intelligence, right, you can take the self-awareness and go, nope, I'm not going to talk about some— I'm talking about me, right? So you did me and the listeners a favor to be able to have that real conversation, and now we can after this episode, or if you listen to this on the way to work, or you're just getting dressed and about to jump on your— you might be working from home or whatever. Because when we say toxic whoever, Ted, Tamika, Tammy, you have somebody in mind, right? And if you don't have anybody in mind, make sure it's not you.

Hello.

Right? And if you're fortunate not to have to deal with this in your work environment, beautiful. But if you do, you know, we gave you some, some takeaways to understand that it's a, it's a triggering effect most of the time. Something triggered this person to feel like they want to, you know, basically inflict pain and shame on you or someone or a body of people because they feel a certain kind of way. And they haven't— people, I don't think they understand any That maturity and emotional maturity are 2 separate things, right? And you got to have enough emotional maturity to recognize, right, when you have fall— fell into this space or adopted this space where you're leading with negativity, right? You're trying to take people down, but it, it comes from a triggering event. You mentioned something that was important. It also comes from not taking care of yourself. So if you're not getting enough sleep, if you're not constantly educating yourself to be the latest or best version of yourself, if you're not feeling healthy, if you're not feeling physically fit, these elements can have you showing up to work and moving yourself into a toxic space. If you're a leader, you want to take into consideration when you got the seat, Or when you pull somebody else into a new seat, there's a triggering effect amongst those that you don't necessarily see or talk to a lot that can create the culture that, you know, or the morale, right? That ultimately starts to cause problems with the performance, with the customer or client satisfaction, your ROIs, or whatever metrics you use in in the sector of work that you're doing, it kind of starts with something that's hidden in plain sight. So I think that's very powerful for us to take into consideration. We know that we govern ourselves by emotional intelligence. We know that EI is going to be the number one thing, I believe, that is going to help you process and handle, neutralize, manage Any toxic people in your organization. So you want to be very mindful and get very good, good at practicing emotional intelligence and also bringing people into the space to do so. And so if you're looking for that type of, uh, person to come in, you definitely can reach out to I Never Worry Consulting, which is the sponsor of this podcast, because that's what we do for a living, is that we Go into organizations and we neutralize that negativity and we bring people back to a space where they can have a renewed sense of value so that they can perform better, so that we can get the work done that we committed to, so we can honor the mission statements and the vision statements that one, you know, when they first signed up and they first got to the organization, they wanted to commit to.

I agree.

Yeah. So any, uh, any final Any words for today's podcast?

No, just pay attention. Pay attention. And I mean pay attention in regards to your work environment. And also pay attention to the type of work environment you want to be a part of. And just as the old saying goes, you're either going to be a part of the problem or you're going to be a part of the solution. You can't stay neutral. That's very rare and far and few in between. Just pay attention. And once you get that awareness of what you paid attention to, process it and move accordingly. And understand that everybody at work is not going to move how you want to move based on what your vision is. So have your own vision. And that goes back to paying attention. Pay attention all the way around. And I think that you will find yourself in much more—

Opportunity.

Manageable work environments.

That's what's up. And one more time for the audience, where could they, uh, look you up and get more insight on what you do with Your Dog's Best Friend?

They can follow me on IG at Your Dog's Best Friend, F-R-A-N, Your Dog's Best Friend. They can also email me at yourdogsbestfriend@gmail.com. I'm very responsive. I often tell people that if I have not responded to you in 24 hours, I'm probably dead because I think that the wait time, the more I'm able to decrease that on a client's end or prospective new clients, and the more likely they are to do business with me and to refer me to others. So I value your time and I look forward to hearing from all my dog lovers out there.

That's what's up. Would you be open to coming back and sharing some of the— any Workplace War Stories on that end?

Absolutely. Your dog's best friend has a couple of work stories— work, I'm sorry, war stories.

Right on. All right, so that's wrapping it up here. So again, my name is DB Bedford, better known as the EI Guy. You have just listened to Workplace War Stories, the number one platform for you to come unpack some of that emotional baggage that you've been holding on to far too long. We out. Peace.