Dr. Aziz explains the approval trap: when your self-worth depends on others' approval, saying no feels selfish and saying yes means betraying yourself. Your brain treats disapproval as danger, leaving you constantly trying to be what others want instead of accepting yourself.
Inside, you have a survival system that's linked up disapproval equals danger. If you don't approve of me, if you're mad at me, or if you feel sad around me, then, then that's dangerous because you're going to disapprove of me and I'm going to lose connection with you. And also, I'm going to lose my sense of self-worth because many of us have bought into a false equation, which is someone's approval of me equals my worth. And so they disapprove of me, My sense of feeling okay about who I am as a human just plummets into the toilet, which is why when someone says, hey, can you do this for me? And you say no, you walk away. Do you feel great? Do you feel like, oh cool, dodged that bullet. I don't have to go do that thing. No, you feel awful, right? Like, oh, that was— I should have said yes. What was wrong with me? I'm so selfish is the word that I often hear. So you can't win. You either have to say yes and do the thing you don't like or say no and feel bad about yourself. That's the That's the trap. And that is the approval trap. That's when we're caught in having to be something for other people.
