Dr. Aziz says most people struggle with boundaries not because they don't know how, but because they don't feel they have permission to set them. He uses the example of asking guests to remove their shoes indoors, showing how people second-guess whether their request is reasonable. The missing piece is internal permission to believe your preferences matter.
When you have a boundary, have a preference, do you give yourself the freedom, the permission, the legitimacy to have that boundary? And what I found with most people, the answer is no. So let's take this example of the shoes off in the house. That would be like saying, you know, I'd prefer people didn't have their shoes on. I'm very clear on that. But am I allowed to ask that? Is that being too demanding? Am I being too extreme? What if they don't want to take their shoes off? Ah man, is that going to bother people? Is that okay for me to ask that? Right? Can you see how in that example, it's pretty clear that someone's allowed to ask for that? And that is the missing piece, is the permission.
