Are you predictable?

Foreign.

Everybody. Welcome back to the Single Dads podcast. Hope you guys are having an incredible, incredible Monday so far.

Happy Halloween.

Yeah, Happy Halloween, everybody. Bro, are you. You taking Riley trick or treating?

He drives now, man.

He's taking himself trick or treating.

Yeah. He passed his driver's license or his driver's test, and he is off and driving.

That's awesome, bro. Is it scary? A little bit.

A lot bit.

Yeah, I bet, bro.

It really is. Or he. Yeah, he. He took off for the weekend to go to his grandma's house, and, you know, I had to give her a call and make sure that she knows, like, hey, he can't just pull one over on grandma and say, hey, I. I'm going to do this, so we can go do whatever, you know? So I had to, like, catch her up to speed and unfortunately tell her, you know, what I caught him. Caught him doing. And. And she actually opened up to me and told me that she.

She partakes in the devil's lettuce.

Oh, no. She. She. She. She does smoke. She does drink, But. And she told me that. She goes, I. I promised I wouldn't, but I thought that's what you were calling about. And him and his cousin went to go have a. A vodka cranberry one day, and my bottle of Tito. That was a third full.

Was a third empty.

Was a. Exactly. So I was like, well, yeah, dang, man. That.

That's a. That's a trippy season, bro. You're going from, like. He's going from boy to man, and so you're.

He doesn't know. I know that either. I told her. I was like, look, I'll keep my mouth shut. You keep yours shut. But now we're on the same page, and we can look for each other.

That's awesome, bro. I love that. I. I know my parents used to think, bro, that I was. That me and my brother were just the best kids. And we've, you know, since opened up about stories from our teenage years. Like, there was one Halloween, bro, where me and our. Us and our best friends, they're twins. They came, they picked us up. They're like, man, let's go trick or treating. We're in high school. I think they were seniors at the time, and I was, like, a sophomore. And so we go to these houses, and my buddy knocks on the door. They don't open up the door to give us candy. So then he's just. Bro, like, he's just wild, man. This is why I'm like, you got to be careful. When you hang around white dudes, they do. They do some wild stuff because they feel like they can't get in trouble. And so he knocked on the door, they didn't give us candy, right? And then this fool picks up a pumpkin that they have there. And he's like. He used to do this voice, like he would talk like radio. You remember the show Radio or the movie Radio?

Yeah.

So he would talk like him. And so he grabbed the pumpkin and we started walking away. And then he was like, well, f you, then I'm gonna take your pumpkin in Radio's voice. And we start walking away and we're like laughing because we're like, this dude's an idiot, right? Didn't think much of it. Maybe they were just asleep. Whatever. Well, we're driving and this is in my parents neighborhood where I'm at right now. And all of a sudden this truck drive, like, pulls up right next to us and pulls out a shotgun and is like pointing it at us, like, down from his truck into the car. And my buddies are like, what the f is wrong with you? And like, popping off. And me and my brother, right, just two illegal Mexicans at this time in our life, just, just sitting in the back seat like, oh, dude, no, no. And then my buddies are like popping off on him, like, dude, you're stupid. Like, literally, he was like, yeah, you came to my house and took my pump. All this for a pumpkin, bro. It's the dude that we took his pumpkin, right? So all this for a pumpkin. And I'm just like sitting there telling, like, my boys my candy. And then I'm just sitting there telling my buddies. Me and my brother were like, guys, like, chill, bro, chill, chill, chill. I want to get shot right now. And so then the dude, my. My buddy that was driving, he's like, if you really think you're about to shoot us here in front of everywhere, like, you're an idiot. Like you can't do whatever, right? And so then the dude says, all right, well then drive back over to my house and step on my yard and see what happens. And then these idiots, they're like, we, we'll be right there. We'll be right. We'll follow you. We'll be right there.

It's like a free pass to get shot, right?

And so then the dude takes off and. And he stops at the. The stop sign at the front and we're like parked right here. If you can't see this in the video, then I'm sorry. Or if you're Listening to audio only. Watch this on video so you can see what I'm doing. So we're, like, parked here, and there's a road right there to our right. And then he goes up to the next stop sign, and he waits to see what we're doing because he's got his foot on the brakes and he's not moving. Well, then my buddy that's in the passenger seat, the dude that took the pumpkin, gets out of the car, goes to the front of the car, pulls his pants down and moons this dude and starts smacking his butt while he's mooning him. And then he hops back into the car, and we take that immediate right, and we just, like, peel off and, like, leave the neighborhood.

What happened to the pumpkin?

We kept it. Yeah, we kept it. It ended up rotting. So all of that for a freaking pumpkin.

So.

Happy Halloween.

That's.

That's my. That's my Halloween story.

You know what? Don't put any decor out. Like, Halloween decor that you're not. And then not give candy out.

That's true.

You turn your lights. Turn your lights off. That's what I do. I. I turn my lights off. Yeah. Because I. I just can't get up and go to the door every two seconds, you know? It's just. I'm sorry.

So you put a bowl out there.

I've done the whole bowl. Please take one. And it's gone in, like, you know, 10 minutes. Yeah. So I just. Last year, I just turned my lights off. Yeah. So this year, I said. I told Ryo, I was like, if you want to hand. Hand candy out, cool. Yeah. If not, cool. Yeah.

That's what my parents. Because old school Mexican, you know?

Yeah.

So Halloween super demonic in. In our culture, Halloween super demon. Only Satanists do that. Right. It was just so dumb. So they would literally turn off, like, all the lights. Not just the outdoor light, but all the lights inside the house. And then they'd be like, that way nobody comes to the house and tries to, like, get candy and, like, all this stuff. I'm like, mom, dad, it's kids. Yeah, it's kids. It's not. It's not that big of a deal. And now, like, my little girl's going trick or cheating today. And my mom's like, why would she do that? I'm like, she's just dressed up as Yoshi, bro, wanting to go get candy. She's a kid. Let her be a kid. Like, come on now.

Like.

And she didn't even like candy. She just does it because she likes to trick or treat.

So I have good memories as a kid of Halloween because it was my mom's birthday.

That's cool, man. And one day, well, happy birthday to your mom.

Yeah. RIP Mom.

Yeah.

But when I was in fifth grade, fourth or fifth grade, I walked to the nearby grocery store and I bought a Halloween cake, you know, they have in the grocery deli or whatever.

Yeah.

For, I don't know, 2.99 or whatever they cost back then. And, and then I bought some other stuff and I turned it into a birthday cake for her. Wow. It literally, like, it was the best thing I could have ever done for my mom as, you know, especially as like a fourth or fifth grade kid, you know, like 10, 11 years old. So that's like my best memory of, of birthday for my mom. And I. I've told my son that story in hopes of him, like, wow, that was, you know, that was considerate. Maybe you'll do something for your. For your old man. Not so much. But anyway.

That's awesome, brother. That's awesome. You should celebrate her today with Riley. Like, think about something that, you know.

His, his mom's birthday was 10 days ago.

Oh, wow.

It's crazy. They're 10 days apart. And then her anniversary of when she was killed in a car wreck is November 19th.

Oh, wow.

Right before Thanksgiving. Yeah.

Dang, man. That's wild.

Yeah.

Yeah. You guys, y' all should celebrate her today in some way, maybe remake that moment, you know, if it would mean a lot to you, because that's pretty, that's pretty special, bro. For real, man. And I think it just, it's a cool way just to honor them and, you know, I know you probably do things for her and stuff, but I think it'd be so cool, even just with your son being like, let's celebrate your grandma today. You know what I'm saying?

Yeah, I, it's, it's, it's, It's a, It's a tough situation. I, I, I, I don't know. Even on, Even on his mom's birthday, it's like, it's difficult to, to celebrate and I don't know. I, It's. I don't know. I don't. I, I. When he was younger, we used to, you know, do a visitor and, and things like that, but it's just. I don't know, it just kind of. Yeah. I don't know how to describe it.

It's just, Just tough.

Tough. Yeah.

Yeah. No, I can imagine, bro. I can imagine. Well, I'll Be praying for you guys, man, before I'm praying for the whole fam. And what's your. What's your. Well, you don't have to tell me now, but later tell me what your dad's name is so I can be praying for him too, man. Hopefully you guys tuned in last week. Last week was pretty awesome with Kimball, man. I liked it. I like some of the advice that he gave and I love that it's been tested with 500, 000 families, like successfully. Right. And I love how just. It's really just cut and dry. It's very simple.

He, he, he was, he was. He was an amazing guest. Yeah. And had some really, really good things to say and insight and advice and hopefully for those of you who missed it, please hop on Spotify or wherever and watch it and. Or listen to it. And I think there's probably very few parents that wouldn't get something out of it. Mom or dad.

Yeah, you're gonna get something out of it. It was really good.

And check out his website. It's. What is it? Empowering parents dot com.

Yeah.

Yeah. Great guy.

Yeah, it was really cool. And I like that it's specifically like child behavior. And it's cool because it's not just fixing bad behavior, but it's also how can we create good behavior? Which is awesome. And he was talking a little bit about, like the role playing stuff, right? Like role play with your kids. So they know how to handle certain situations. Because normally the reason why kids are shy, which is this is so cool to know that it's. If they're having some sort of attitude, it's because they're operating out of fear because they don't have a solution for the problem.

Right.

So they feel helpless. Which when you start seeing it that way, it lets you operate like it with the next level of empathy for your kid, you know, like they're just not. They're not just being a turd. To be a turd is because they don't know how to handle the certain situation. So let's help them get a solution and then empower them with it. So I don't know if. I don't know if you're listening and you saw the video I posted, but I did that with my little girl. She really struggles with like, just.

So that was literally the most amazing. I was going to say post but amazing thing to do with your. With the goose. Your daughter. And yeah, you did post it on, like, all your accounts. The Single Dads podcast, Divorce Recovery and Frank Ortega Boy, talk about a plug. And. But. But yeah, it got, like, a crazy amount of views and likes and comments and. Because it was so cool. And I'll let you tell what you did.

Yeah, it was just really. It was such a cool moment, bro.

Because I watched it, like, three or four times.

Me, too.

Literally.

Me too. I'm not gonna lie. And the goose kept watching it, too. She kept seeing it, and she was like, oh, Papa, I love that. Like, it made her so happy because it's something she really struggled with. After.

After you tell everyone what you did, my question for you is, how do you think it affected her moving, like, now and Will moving forward?

Oh, okay. Awesome. That's a good question. So what I did, though, before I get to the question is, is she's always struggled just with social anxiety and talking to strangers and all that stuff, right? And so what I did was I was. We were going to petsmart because we had to buy more crickets for her chameleon, which she loves, by the way. Yeah, she loves FaceTimed her yesterday. And yes, dude, I'm just gonna post a big picture of Will Ferrell behind his cage.

But that caption.

Yeah, like, the little bubbles speaking through the words or whatever. But it's. It was so cool because we're gonna stop by and get crickets for her chameleon. And her chameleon's really been, like, an outlet to teach her responsibility and all that, those things, right? So I'm always like, you got to make sure you feed it whenever you're here. You're the one that's gonna feed them. You're gonna handle him. Like, I haven't handled the complications chameleon, only she has. And she cleans his poop. All those things, right? So I was like, you got to get his crickets, too, though. And she was like, what, Papa? No, I'm scared, Literally was her response. And so I told her. I was like, it's okay, baby. Let's practice right now.

Would you go the pet store?

Yeah, no pet. It was Petco. Yeah, we went to Petco, and so we were in the truck, and I was like, baby, let's practice right now. Because I remember that week, that was literally Tuesday, the day after we filmed with Kimball on child behavior. Child behavior or whatever. And. And he was talking about the power of role playing, right? And so I started role playing with her, and I was like, just act like I'm a pet co worker. And so I acted like I was walking in the seat, and I was like, do do, do, do, do, right? And then she was like, hi, excuse me, sir. I was like, oh, hey, ma'. Am. How are you doing? She was like, good. I need crickets for my chameleon. I was like, well, we got big ones and we got small ones. What kind of crickets does your chameleon take? She was like, oh, I. He only takes the big ones. And then I was like, okay, perfect. How many do you want? And then she was like, papa, I don't know.

She looked there.

She was like, papa, I don't know. And I was like, Baby, 20. We're gonna get 20 crickets. She was like, oh, okay. She's like, I need 20, sir. And then 20. That's it. You sure you don't need anymore? No, that's it. Thank you, sir. And I was like, goose, that was really good. So then we did that, like, two more times, and we started making it fun. And I would say different things, like, respond differently so that she was prepared for a different response too. Right. Preparation is literally how we get. Get confident in things. And, bro, we walk in there, and it was so cute. She was walking. Like, you can see in the video, her hands, like, are in front of her. When she's walking, it's because she's, like, nervous.

Yeah, I can talk to you.

Yes, she was doing that. But then afterwards, bro, like, you can see it in the video. She asked the lady. The lady says, yes, like, just meet me at the front and you can see my little girl. If you haven't watched this video, go watch it. But she turns around with the biggest smile on her face, and she's just hopping, like. Just like a little, like, happy pounce back to me. And it was just wild to me because a lot of people might see that as insignificant, but that's a massive victory to her. And you can see by her response to her achieving that, right?

Yeah.

And so I think it was really, really cool, bro. And to go back to your question about it, one of the things that I. That I hope that she learned through that is that things might be scary, but we make them scary. And once we prepare for them, they're not that scary. Right. And I. I hope that's the lesson that she learns, because she was really scared to do it. And I kind of took her out of that fearful emotional state and put her into, like, a playful state, which made her just naturally operate better. But hopefully she catches, like, oh, wow, I was really scared to do that, but it wasn't that bad. And that just encourages her to do things that might seem scary. I'm not saying they don't seem scary, but after we do them, they're a lot less scary. Hopefully that's what she learned, bro.

We'll see.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Um, next time, I don't. How long. How long do 20 crickets last? Blue.

We'll probably go buy crickets again tomorrow. Yeah. So probably every week.

We'll see how. Yeah, we'll see how it goes.

Exactly. I'm gonna have her do it. I'm gonna have her do it this time. And I'll probably role play less. I'll do it like one time and then the next week after that, no roll. Role play. Yeah, yeah. And I'll keep you guys updated on that. But, man, it was just so cool because it was like, Kimball really inspired me because it's so practical. And I think as parents, sometimes we overthink things. It's like, man, like, I wanna help my child with this and this and show them how to this. But, like, how do I do it? You just do it. It's like with salespeople when you're training them. The best way to train a salesperson, first of all, is role play. The second best way. Well, the first way is to put them on sales calls and have them fail, but to prepare them. Role playing. So it's. It's the same thing with our kids. So I think whatever. Whatever behavior. I mean, this is how I'm gonna challeng. And I hope, you know, other people challenge themselves in this area too. But whatever behavior I want to see in my little girl, I'm gonna be intentional about, like, role playing it with her and putting her in those situations so that we can start getting her, like, comfortable with those specific, like, behaviors.

See, my. My son has the. He's very, very, I guess an introvert. Yeah, he. He just. He. He's. He. He. He will speak when spoken to. Type. Type thing. Yeah. He won't be inquisitive and ask questions. But so. And even like. So now. Now he's. Now he's driving. You know, he's got to go to drive throughs and he's got a, you know, excuse. Go to the grocery store. Excuse me, where's the bread aisle? Or whatever. Or he probably just figured out. But anyway, other things. He's got a job. He's got to get a job. So you can guarantee that we'll be role playing that. Because if I don't. You remember the story that Kimball told about his kid? Yep. He just sent me In. He's like, he waited in line, like, to order and is like, I'd like a job, please. Like, he was ordering.

I'd like a number job with an extra side of a paycheck and bonus.

I thought that was hilarious. So, yeah, I'm definitely going to. To role play with him. And, you know, I've got to do some research and find out, like, what questions are asked to, you know, kids that haven't had jobs before. Yeah. And I can assure you, you know, what are your grades like? Yeah. So fortunately, his are good.

So where do you think Riley would want to work if he had a choice? Would it be like, when I asked.

Him that, his response was pretty funny. He said, he goes, I don't know, dad. It's my first job. They're all gonna suck.

I mean, son, you're not wrong.

He goes. He goes, I don't care. I just want money.

Bro, you should have them be a server. The lessons that people learn.

You can't serve unless you're 18.

There's.

I mean, you're very limited at 16 as to what you can do. Like, you can work at a grocery store, you know.

Yeah. I think some places you can be a host.

Yeah, that's more of a chick job, I think.

Yeah. I mean, get them around chicks.

Yeah. I mean, exposure. If he wants to be a host, he can be a host. I don't care. I was just saying, like, restaurants tend to hire females for that position.

Yeah.

More so.

That is true. And bro, you know where Chick Fil? A. Well, so he will become the most excellent person in the world working at Chick Fil?

A. Chick Fil? A is weird because it's obviously a franchise. So they, it depends where. Where, like the location of Chick Fil A. In smaller towns, they'll hire 16 year olds, but in like, you know, more trafficked areas, like where I live, you have to be 18.

Oh, bro, that's why their service is so good.

Yeah. I mean. Yeah, but they also pay well.

Yeah.

You know, so, you know, once you're 18, you know, you. You can go just about anywhere. His cousin's 18. He. He works at Discount Tire and makes like 18 bucks an hour. Yeah. With overtime, that's like, you know, 40, 000 plus a year.

Yeah, that's.

That's like, like way more than I made after college.

Bro, you can make that at Costco now too. I have a buddy from my gym. Um, you know, he just became a dad and he makes, I think north of 18.

Yeah. Costco like, yeah, those are all like. Like. Like good companies. Like those. Yeah. When. When you have the. I guess when you have the skill sets and the personality and, you know, but, you know, 18. At 18, it's even difficult to, you know, get jobs where you're dealing with customers and. Because customer service sucks everywhere these days.

Yep. Yeah. I think that's what I'm going to do for my little girl. I think her. Her first job is going to be a host and then move her into a server. I want to do that for a couple reasons, because I think it's going to help develop, like, our social skills massively. Also, I think everyone should be a server because they need to see what it's like to be a server.

That.

Not. Not every time it's the server's fault. Sometimes it's the kitchen's fault how much it sucks when you have to pay out the busers and the bar and the kitchen and you're getting tipped 10% on your check. So really, you didn't make any money off of that check. And it's just going to help value and, like, serve people, too. Literally, practically serving people teaches you how to serve people.

My very first job was a bus boy. Yeah. Yeah.

That's pretty cool, man. No, it was hustler from the beginning. I thought my dad started off here in this country, too. It was a dishwasher and busboy for Applebee's and a cook for McDonald's.

Yeah, it's not a fun job. No, it's not a fun job. But I got. I got a friend to come work. I always got friends to come work where I got jobs. Always. Yeah, literally, bro.

That's how I was.

Every single job I got, I would have friends come and work.

No, bro, it's awesome, man. You get to push the plates in.

I work. I worked at South Fork Ranch.

Oh, right over there in Wiley.

Yeah. You know where Dallas was filmed? Everybody knows Dallas. It's like, people literally still go there for tours.

That's wild.

It's crazy.

And I don't know what Dallas is, but I'm going to look it up. Now.

The. The. The show Dallas.

I never heard of it.

Junior. Who shot Junior? Yeah.

I have no idea, bro.

I kid you not.

I kid you not. Only thing I know about anything similar to that is from the office when Kevin Malone was like, you guys want to play Dallas? And they had a board game called Dallas. Yeah, but I didn't know it was a show.

Yeah, it was a show. And then it actually just came Back. And they. I think it was for, like, four seasons. And. And they did a lot of filming in Dallas at Dallas South Fork Ranch.

That's cool.

But anyway, yeah, I worked there, gave tours. I drove, like, this big tractor, like, on a tram, and I had a microphone like this. And like, welcome to South Fork Ranch, everybody. And.

No way. Yeah, you did that?

Yeah. And. And. And I had a couple buddies that worked there, too, and, like, sometimes would hop on the tram to, like, get a ride to the. Another part of the. Yeah. Complex or whatever you call it. And we'd say stuff like. And if you look at the guy sitting on the back row, he's worked here for all of 10 years. Ask him any questions you might want to, he'll be happy to help you. And would screw with each other like that. It was funny. Moving on to the left, we have the cows.

That's incredible. Those things dangling from them are called utters. Milk comes out of them. No, but.

But that. That literally, that job, like, really brought, like. Yeah. Like, something out in me that I didn't know I had. And that's cool. Yeah. So, I mean, certain. Certain jobs you have when you're young, they, like, they develop you more than you realize, you know?

Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. In that season, you're just like, oh, that was cool. But then you look back at it and you're like, wow, man. Like, I learned a lot from there, actually. I can attribute a lot of my stuff to that. That's pretty awesome, bro.

Yeah.

That's why I think it's. It might be good to, like, be pretty intentional about our kids first jobs. Like, this is. Go do this, you know?

Yeah. I mean, I. I met somebody who has a kid that's Riley's age, and she said that a bunch of kids from his school around his age work at, like, this Kroger buyer near our house. So I was encouraging him to consider that. But.

Yeah, exactly, because now you're getting plugged in just by proximity.

Yeah.

Getting around people and stuff like that. Yeah. Yeah, that's. That's really good, bro. I was thinking about this the other day, how. And we can end on this, but I was thinking about how I. How am I trying to word this, bro? I'm struggling wording this right now. I asked myself the question, am I predictable? And we're all predictable, but what are we predictable at? And, like, for example, like, I believe that I'm pretty predictable when it comes to, like, my job. Right. Like, people know now that if you come, like, all the People that work with me and that are still in my group, they know if somebody comes in, it's only a matter of time before the breakthrough happens. Like this, right? And their lives changed. Like, that's pretty predictable now. But I started thinking about it as a son and as a father. What am I predictable at? Like, when my little girl gets me, what does she know that she's going to experience, right? And is she gonna experience more laughs or is she gonna experience more stress or more anxiety or what? What is it that she's really gonna experience? Like what, what is predictable in her eyes of me? Like, attitude wise. And bro, I don't know why I had this. And I think you remember this. It was in my app. I posted one day how I was like, you know what? Today this is what I'm going to choose to make. And we all have a choice. I was saying that I was going to choose to live in bliss, absolutely bliss, like all day, regardless what happened. Well, bro, I did that day. Like, I can recall to that day. And I just remember being giddy about everything, bro. Like, I laughed more than I laughed in a very long time. All these things. And I just remember looking back at that the other day whenever I was asking me this and I was like, that's what I want to do. I. I want to be so predictable as far as, like, every time, Every time I see my dad, man, he's just like a ball of joy. Like, he just loves and is happy. And regardless what happens in life, like, he's just always in such an incredible mood be. And I want her to like, grow up wondering how I do it and me just be able to say, well, maybe I chose to. I chose to. Whenever I had you, I knew all this stuff was going wrong, but I chose to appreciate what I had in the moment, right? And almost be able to, like, give that. But I want to become predictably happy, bro. Like, annoyingly happy. Like, I want this next season of my life for people just to be like, bro, are you high right now? Like, how are you having such a good time? And no, it's not because I'm high. It's just because I'm actually taking in the life. You see what I'm saying? Like, I want to do that. I. I'm gonna make the choice to become predictable in that area because depression is hard, dude. So is like frustration and stress, but so is happiness. Happiness is also hard. You got to choose it because there's so much stuff around us that's always available to kind of take that away and, like, steal that from us. But I think happiness is one of those emotions, bro, that I. I just think it's willing to, like, fight for now. And I want to become predictable in that area, like, especially for my little girl.

So to become predictably happy, what things do you think you need to do to become that person? Yeah, like, you can't just say, I'm going to be blissful every day. Yeah, and be blissful every day. Exactly.

There's got to be strategy, right?

So what's yours?

So my strategy is I keep focusing on what I have, dude, and, like, what I really appreciate, and that's it. That's really all I keep doing. So even. Even when it comes down to, like, I'm getting to the point where if somebody messages me, that's a client, I even just start getting so grateful for the fact that I'm getting to walk through this with them, you know what I'm saying? And that I get to know them and I just start, like, feeling that towards them.

Right.

Whenever I'm with my parents, it's the same thing. I try and be there. Whenever I'm with you, bro, I try and be here, too. I try and, like, walk away and just be like, dang, dude, I got so much out of that. I love this moment and that moment and just kind of relive some of those things. That's why sometimes I'll text you randomly, you know, And I'm just like, bro. And that's what. That's also another thing. Like, I think you'll know if I'm happy because people will start receiving text messages from me. And I want that to be predictable, too. I want people to be like, dude, Frank. Without fail, like, every month, for some reason, I get a random text from him just lighting me up on how incredible I am. You know what I'm saying? Because that's just what I want to focus on. And I've realized that the more that I focus on those things, the more that I enjoy them.

Those.

And the better I handle bad situations, the better. Better I handle stressful situations, and the better, better that I just show up. So I think my strategy specifically is going to be I'm going to focus on what I have. And whenever I look in the past, it's not going to be to beat myself up. It's going to be to ask, what am I learning from it? What where did I learn? How can I grow from it and use it as, like, fuel moving forward, not as an anchor. That's holding me back. Does that make sense?

100%. Yeah. And it's. The thing is if. If we can train our brains to, like, when. When. When something goes wrong and, you know, we all. Everybody can find something that goes wrong every day of their lives.

Yeah.

But how you choose your. Your. How you choose to perceive that. Yeah. Is how your. The rest of your day is going to be. How the people you're around are going to see you as.

Yeah.

And where I'm going with this is like, choosing to have something that, like, you know, bad happens. Like, if. If I'm walking out and I know it's not raining today, but. And I dropped my briefcase in a big puddle of muddy water. Like, a lot of people can let that just totally ruin their day, right?

Yep.

So you could. You can. Or you can pick it up, wipe it off, say, that sucks, and then be like, you know what? I needed a new briefcase anyway. Yeah. Now I'm gonna go shopping for one. Or when I get home and get online and I'm gonna buy one.

Yeah.

Or get to your car and be like, you know what? I'm just grateful I have a freaking car to put this muddy briefcase in. You know, it's just. I'm just giving, like.

Yeah.

What? You know, lame examples, probably, but it's literally like you have.

You.

You make a conscious choice as to how you let you know something that is out of your control affect you.

Yep.

And you know, again, as cliche as it is, we don't control. You know, there's. There's a lot of things we have control over, but the things that we don't, when they happen to us, we do have a choice how we handle them, react to them. And that is, I think, a key component to your new found being blissful every day.

Yeah. Yeah, no, exactly. And sometimes it's. It's like you were saying, when things go bad, sometimes it's saying, that sucks. But I'm going to focus on this right now. Like, you know what? I just let go. I just got let go. I just lost this. This just happened. This area tanked. Whatever, you know, the way everything's going right now. And it's like, okay, I want to handle that, but I'm not going to handle it good if I'm stressed. So what I'm going to do is I'm going to shift my attention to, like, the people that I love right now. Man, why do I love this person so much? Right. And then that almost, like, begins to. It. Honestly, it makes you feel Better. Pretty, like damn quick. And then it makes you handle those other situations better. Because for me, one of the anchors that I usually go to is like, my little girl, as soon as I start thinking how much I love her and why I love her, it's almost like I, I get kicked into this gear of I do not care what this is that I'm facing right now. I'm going to figure it out and I'm going to find the best way to figure it out. It almost, it almost makes you address it with a lot more tenac than just frustration. Right? Like, because if you're frustrated, then you're operating out of your survival brain instead of like your calm brain. Whereas. Which is where all your creativity and logic is all built into. Right. And so you're just kind of fight or flighting it instead of being relaxed and handling out of like an abundant place. Now it's, this is why people, you know, in business, this is why they start chasing clients. Because now, crap, I need money to come in, I gotta get some clients. And then now you're coming off as needy because it's like, hey, so have you thought about joining? Well, why not? Well, no, Instead of just being like, you know what, I'm just gonna talk to people. Hey, I don't know if there's an option for you, but this is, this is what I offer. And then they're like, oh, yeah, let me think about it. Cool, go ahead. And you're not chasing it. You're walking abundantly.

Now, when you just said that, it made me think. Like when you, let's say you're starting a new job or you're wanting to start a new job or a business, right? Yeah. Or you own one, or you're already at 1. Choose to do things in reverse and see how that works for you. And I'm explaining a little more rather than say, I need this, I'm going to need this. I need. This is what, these are all the things that I need. I think I need to be successful.

Yeah.

Look at it the exact opposite. And look at, and think of it like, what are all the things that will prevent me from being successful? And if you look at it from like the opposite, if that makes sense, then you can start building based on, like, it's almost like playing devil's advocate. Does that make sense?

Yeah, yeah, I hear you.

And viewing other things in your life the same way. Like if, Let me think of an example. If, If I want to continue to make no money and be broke, I'm Going to do nothing today.

Yeah.

I mean, if that's what you want. Look at it like that.

Yeah. And what's the result? I want.

Right. And. And when you look at it from the reverse, sometimes it creates a different perception and.

Yep.

It allows you to say, I'm gonna get off the couch and I'm gonna freaking do this.

It's like, exactly, bro. What if next week I. I kind of want to do one where we just talk about business stuff. For any single dad that wants to like launch something that's been thinking about, man, I kind of want to do this. Maybe there's some fear holding back and we can just go in on stuff like that, bro. Because like, I know that that's something that every. Every, every dude. And even ladies, like both people, all humans have ideas and dreams. And now is not like now is the best time to be able to launch something and start something and, and work on your own time. Right. And. Or even just making like supplemental cash with a passion or anything like that. And so, bro, I think that would be so freaking fun, bro.

See, I. I literally started doing. I started a list and we'll get into this more next week, but just to give you like a sneak peek or a preview.

Sneak peep.

Sneak peek. Like I, I put how not to succeed and I'll start like number one. Expect others to save you or wait around for success to find you. Yep. And I'll give you one more. Let's see. Value others opinions over your own. Once you decide you're successful, you'll become successful. That's basically what the opposite and.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

Or tolerate mediocrity. Yeah. Another way to be unsuccessful.

Yes. Have very low standards.

I got a whole list here. Yeah, dude.

And we can go off on some of those because I just think it'll be awesome, bro. Like, also because. And like, if I'm being honest, I want to attract a crowd that's like very entrepreneurial minded as well. Just because I feel like some of the language, some of the, the things that we talk about will really resonate with that crowd too, you know? And just because I like talking about it too. And I think it's important for single dads that have to pay alimony and that have to pay child support and that have all this extra time now to know that you can use the extra time to, to make more money so that you can build a better future for the kids and create like a better life for yourself right now and you don't have to wait six months to do it. You really don't. You don't have to wait a year. And you don't need a degree. You don't need a certificate. You don't need any of that Stu stuff, dude. Like, you can literally go out and make it happen. And I think it'll be just cool to like, give some. Some stuff on that. Bro, you down for next week?

100. And just because we have this platform, and I really need someone, if anyone out there has skill, like legit skills in web design, I have a project I need done, and I don't want to use upwork or fiverr or any of that. So please DM me in the Single Dads podcast Instagram, and we can discuss it. And that's all I got until next week. Hope everyone has a phenomenal week. And thanks for tuning in.