Creating Systems for Success as a Single Dad.

What's up, single dads? Happy, happy New Year, man.

Happy New Year, everyone. Welcome back. We're back.

We're back. It was. It was a good little. Good little break, Good little planning, a little hiatus.

We took.

Positive one, though.

The only one we've hadn't. Well, since we started filming this podcast.

Literally break we've had, literally after seven seasons, I believe it was. Hopefully it's been a blessing to all you single dads. I know we get lot of messages from you guys. And those. Those words really do they. They really do touch us and they create more meaning to the reason of why we. Why we started this in the beginning. And so we're really excited to be back with you guys. I think what we did this past holiday, which was kind of like do a hard reset on not just the show, but ourselves, I think that's what all of us need to do going into the new year. We just catch some fresh vision for where it is that we're going. Because a man that lacks vision has no direction. And when a man has no direction, especially as a single dad, we tend to lose ourselves pretty, pretty badly. And so today we're gonna. We're gonna chat a little bit about how we can start really just finding ourselves hitting goals without putting so much emphasis on the goals, but instead put an emphasis on other things. But before we jump into that, because we got some power pack stuff for you guys. Well, you gotta know to expect weekly episodes again. This is what you can expect out of us. And we got a couple other things that Scott is going to be sharing here in just a second that we really, really excited for and that, I mean, we just. I just can't wait. Honestly, I love. I love what we're doing. So, Scott, tell them real quick what we're doing.

Then we got lots of really, really cool. And then before I get into that, I want to thank everybody, all you guys, that reached out to me on a personal level over the break. I really, genuinely appreciate it. As Frank said, it was very touching. And I just wanted to thank you guys. It really meant a lot, and I greatly appreciate it. And in our coming shows, we will be talking about what has been happening in our lives and the things that, you know, the good things, the bad things, how we dealt with them, and hopefully that will cast vision on how some of you can handle things. And not that we're experts and handle everything perfectly, but we certainly like to share our experiences and in doing so, let you guys know, you know, how we're handling things. That. That you guys are also dealing with. Similar. Similar. Similarly. Similarly. Similarly. All right, I have to think of speech each lesson, so thank you, guys. I just wanted to say that really meant a lot. So moving forward, you'll start hearing us with an episode once a week. For those of you who haven't been on our app, we just freshly redesigned it and I'd like to get some feedback and see what you guys think. You'll notice some interesting new things on there, and if you have any questions, there is a new on the side profile. There's an about us with Al. Also has a contact info button in which you can reach out to myself or Frank via direct message. And there's also an email info@the singledadspodcast.com that you can write with any questions, suggestions, yell at us, tell us we suck, whatever you want, and we will respond accordingly. The support for sure Live support group will continue and we are going to actually be adding some things to it, but we're gonna get into that stuff probably in the coming weeks. But just know that we have some really cool things planned that we're going to be adding onto the just the Monday Live support group as well. As, you know, we're gonna. We're gonna have like a monthly thing that Frank thought of that was a really good idea. Something. Something to do with whiskey. Whiskey Wednesdays. I don't know, something like that. I just remember whiskey. So whiskey, Whiskey and wisdom. Yeah, there you go. Whiskey and wisdom. I don't know. I just like the whiskey part. But so anyway, as Frank was saying, you know, we've talked a lot about goals and probably the majority of our episodes, and after I have. After reading a book, reading some articles, and just really thinking about things, I have learned to have a different perspective on goals. And that perspective being that goals are often not as great as we have in the past said they were. And the reason for that is when you set goals, you. You do it for a reason. But sometimes we don't set goals that are specific enough. You know, it's like, yeah, my goal is to lose weight. Okay, well, how. You know, you're. You're probably going to end up letting yourself down or. My goal is to become smarter. My goal is to learn how to speak Spanish or, or my. Or another language or whatever. Or you can even be more specific about it and you can set your daily goals. And I'm not saying to completely throw goals away, but what I am saying is that if you create something that is more of a system and implement that system, then you will find yourself accomplishing a lot more than you will with just having a goal or a list of goals that you want to accomplish on a specific day or week or month or year. And when you have a system in place, and we can elaborate on this in so many different areas and aspects, but when you have systems in place and you follow the system, because you know that if I do, this system works because it gets me from A to Z or a point A to point B. And I know it works because I've used it, I implemented it, I created it. And if you try to do that. Well, I don't want to use the word try. When you do that, then you will find that you get a lot more accomplished, as I'm aforementioned. What do you think, Frank?

Yeah, no, I agree with that 1000%. I know in past episodes you might have heard me say that we don't get what we want, we don't get what we feel we deserve, we don't get what we desire, but we get our standards. And Scott uses systems. I use standards. They're both sexy because they start with the letter S. And. And it's. It's so true. It's absolutely true. Like, first of all, like, what I. What I noticed, and in this new year, I want to encourage myself and all of us to do is to go to the next level as far as clarity to what the goal is. Because like Scott said, we still need goals. Because if you don't have a goal, you can't establish a system to achieve the goal. But it's. It's working backwards. It's reverse engineering it, right? So whatever your goal is, get very clear. Some of us, we say, you know, I hear it all the time where I just want to be happy. And then I ask, well, what does that look like? And they're like, well, I don't know. I just want to be happy. Well, if you don't know what happy happiness looks like, then what do you. It's not immeasurable. Now, if happiness looks like, you know, I'm not as easily triggered or frustrated or on edge with my family, now you've got something to focus on that you can actually. You have some clarity to achieve if, you know, if you want to be financially. Okay, well, what does that look like? Also? Again, right? It's. It's getting really clear with our goal, and then we can establish the system to meet it. And so, for example, like, Scott knows this. Like, one of my goals is I want 10,000 subscribers, right? I want 10,000 subscribers, like, for, for like the Conquerors community. And so I'm very clear on how many I want and why I want that many. And now what I need to do is like, what Scott was, is saying is I need to create a system by breaking it down to what is it that I need to do on the daily basis, what is my new standard of living that will inevitably get me to that goal? Because if I have that goal, but I don't have a system, then how can I even think that I'm going to hit it?

And Frank, you. You actually hit the nail on the head when you were talking and you use the word measurable, and that is like, that's, that's your system and standards, right? Because it's metrics. It. It's like you have a goal and you have a system to get to 10,000 subscribers, right? And that system is laid out and you have things along the way, and along the way you're measuring those things to find out what is working. And that's a system. Right? And what. And. And it's also standards. So you're, you're creating standards with systems. And by looking at analytics and metrics and measuring the results, you know, this is working. This is not working. And it's pretty simple. When something is working, you double down. When it's not, you pivot and figure out what's not working, and you find out or figure out what you need to do differently. So it starts working.

Yes.

And so you really hit the nail on the head when you use the word measurable. And I think that really just kind of summarizes everything because you have to measure any system that you have in place. Right?

Exactly. Exactly. And I want to encourage, like, every single dad that's listening to this right now, because most, most more than. If you're listening to this right now, it's because you want to start feeling better. And that can mean that can't. You can have a measurable system for that also. Like, if we know that where our mind goes is where our energy flows and that's going to create our emotions, then you can have a measurable for like every hour, if you want. If you're really serious about this every hour, have a reminder set on your phone to focus on what you have today that you can be extremely grateful for and take literally a minute and thirty seconds to. To become obsessed with what you currently have that's immeasurable. Now you, now you're saying this many times a day. I'm focusing on what? I have to change my emotional state so I can start feeling better, so I can start showing up better. And guess what? That's going to start adding into, into your goal. And so we can do measurables for anything in life. I think we talk ourselves out of it sometimes. Like, well, no, like, this isn't measurable because this is an emotion. Well, this isn't measurable because of this. Well, this is it. But whatever you try and talk yourself out of, you're going to talk yourself out of. But whatever you can want to talk yourself into, you're going to talk yourself into it. Right? And so I, I love this, I love this discussion. I think it's great for, especially for New Year's, bro. Like, New Year's resolutions are a dime a dozen, and they all fall through by February.

Like, it's because I don't, I don't make them. I think they're ridiculous, to be honest. I, I, it's like, why do I, why do I need a new year to decide that I need a break or that I need to make a change? I mean, why can't it be Tuesday, April 18, or whatever, you know?

Exactly.

Or today when I need to make a change and then I identify that I need to make a change? Yeah, I make it.

Yeah.

And it's just that simple. But I understand that not everybody is as disciplined as me. I am an anomaly. No, I'm just kidding. Totally kidding. I'm human, and I do all kinds of things that are not right. And I'll shut up now anyway. Get myself in trouble.

No, exactly. Like, I don't want anyone to think, like, you got to wait till a certain point. I mean, everybody always says, like, you know, you gotta wait till rock bottom. Like when, whenever you hit rock bottom, that's when you're gonna shift. But my thought process is this. Like, you can hit, you can decide what your rock bottom is. If you want right now to be your rock bottom, that can be your rock bottom. You can literally say, I will not allow myself to go further than this. And this is what I'm gonna do. Start implementing change today. You know, you don't have to wait till tomorrow. Guess what? If you listen to this episode today and then you get off of this podcast and you start creating a goal and then creating the system to get you to that goal. You just chose change, which means that you expanded as a human now, which means that you just grew today. You didn't wait till the next year. You didn't wait till the Next opportunity. You didn't wait till. Till, like, life hit you. And this is something that I've realized, bro. And maybe you have some thoughts on this, too.

That's so spot on. Yes, go ahead.

But there's something that I realized, and maybe you can add on to this, too. Not maybe. I know you definitely can. Can. But something that I recognized in my personal life is that the more that I was unwilling to change, the more that life jacked me up and forced change upon me. If we don't invite change or create change and chase it, then life will force you to change like you can. We can't stay the same change is here to stay. And you either. You either adapt or you die. That's the. That's the only two options. And for me, I know the. I think the. One of the biggest reasons why I went through the divorce, one of the biggest reasons why I went through what I went through was because I. I became content. I became comfortable. I wasn't growing. I wasn't challenging myself. And if you don't challenge yourself, life's gonna challenge you. And I think for most people that are listening right now, most men, maybe you can relate. You were in a marriage where you were just content. You were comfortable. You stopped taking care of yourself. You stop pursuing your passions. You stop pursuing those hobbies. You stop pursuing your mission. You probably killed your mission, and you made your woman your mission. And that's never how it should be. You should always have something greater and bigger, even more than just your family unit. Right. So that it's so emotionally compelling. But if we choose not to change and we choose to just stay, then life's going to make you change. I read a message by a gentleman in the Single Dads podcast, and he was like, when does it get better when you choose to change? When you finally start rolling with the punches? When you recognize that life is not going to get softer on me. I have to choose to grow and to accept these challenges, to develop as a human and become the next greatest version of myself, which is Frank 2.0 and. And then Frank 2.5. Then, you know, and then we can go like, iPhone and just go straight to Frank 10.

It's. It's so funny you bring that up, because I was literally writing. Writing some notes down. Not for the podcast, either. It was. It was.

That's awesome.

It was literally. It was. It was for, like. It was kind of like journaling, right?

Yeah. Yeah, it was journaling. It's okay to say it was journaling notes. Yeah. That's awesome.

But I literally, I'll even read it verbatim, understand that if you're not growing or scaling, then you're dying.

Yep.

And that's. That's referring. I was motivating myself to. To get in the mindset of I have to always be improving. Both, yes, personally and obviously I use the word scale. So I was thinking about my business as well. So it's like, you can't wait for something. You know, you can't wait for the rock bottom, as you mentioned, or you can't wait for something bad to happen. In order to improve, you have to constantly be looking for ways to improve, and then you're always, you know, improving. But if you wait, if. If you wait for something to happen and then be like, oh, well, yeah, I guess I, I can't. I can't think of anything off top of my head. I guess I, I. I guess I shouldn't have been smoking meth all these years.

Oh, my God. That got real really quick.

I don't know.

I can't think of an example. So maybe if I would have been shooting up heroin, doing meth, and jumping off buildings all these years.

Well, yeah. And then it's like. So I was like. And then one of my teeth falls out. I'm like, like, no, I guess I bet I. I bet I guess I better quit smoking meth.

Yeah. Now you're forced to change unless you're.

Cool without having teeth. But anyway, bad example, but I was just trying to be funny. But anyway, man, it's so ironic that you brought that up and I literally had written that down two hours ago, bro.

That's not ironic, man. That's. God, you have no idea how much that's been happening, bro. Like, literally with any interaction I have with someone, it'll be like, like, what just happened with you? I was writing something down. I was contemplating certain things, and then somebody says something. I'm like, bro, I was literally just navigating through this. And then we got like, you know, other people that are like, in my coaching group, same thing. It's like I say something, and then one of them goes like, what the heck? And they're like, coach, you have no idea. I feel like I've just been. I was working through that two days ago and thinking about it exactly as you verbalized it, and it's just how it happens to be. It's like there's this rhythm. Okay, this is cool. This is really cool. Can I, Can I touch on this just a little bit, bro?

Go right ahead.

Awesome. So there's a rhythm that I think we need to become aware of. Right. Like, my. My pastor always taught it to me as, like a heavenly rhythm because, you know, Holy Spirit. But if you don't believe in God and all those things right then, and you believe in the universe, then just think of energetic rhythm. You're in flow is what they call it. And what, what it. What that means is that life is sending us a message saying, hey, this is the right path. This is exactly what you need to do. Because we doubt ourselves so much, bro. Like, I deal with that so much every single day. I have so much self doubt. So frustrating.

Like, everybody does.

Yes. My clients.

That's why. That's why you have to write this kind of stuff down. I mean, literally, that's why. That's why I was writing it down.

Yeah, exactly. Right? And so you write it down, and it's good, it's encouraging, it's motivating. You're like, man, I really feel like I'm onto something now. And then some. Something like this happens, and you're like, huh, I must really be onto something if this is like, I'm in rhythm, I'm in flow. Life is now directing me. I call it grace now. Now it's like, I'm not having to look for answers. Answers are kind of coming, and I think we need to tap into that, brother. Like, for any man that's listening to right now, if there's things that are being solidified in this podcast, maybe you're like, man, I don't want to set any goals. I'm tired of goals. And you're hearing us say, hey, set a goal, but it's not important. What's important is systems. Then this might be like a point where you say, I need to start implementing systems. Life is teaching me. I'm in flow. I'm in sync. I'm in that heavenly rhythm right now. Does that make sense, bro?

100. Absolutely. And I, I think, you know, some. Some key takeaways. And like, you know what? Another thing I think we were talking about just in conversation last time we hung last week or something. Like, don't, don't, like, don't allow yourself to, like, have to operate in that. That feeling of. Of urgency or desperation. I don't know if maybe I was talking about with somebody else. I don't remember, but it's like, you know, I guess I could say, yeah, I. Sometimes if my back's against the wall, I figure things out. But when you're Operating a business or if you're in sales or whatever, if you have a quota to make and, or if you got, you know, bills due or mortgage coming up or whatever the case may be and you're, you know, financially strapped or something. It's like that desperation in your sales calls it, it does come across, whether you realize it or not. Yeah. And it's like, so you, you really want to like, try and be, have that, have that self awareness and make sure that, you know, whatever it is you're doing, you don't, don't let the, the emotion of, of God, if I don't close this deal, I am effed. You know, like. Yes, because, because you won't close that deal. You have to, you have to be authentic. You have to remember that you're, you're not selling, you're helping. And you can't do that with that, with the right mindset when you're, you know, desperate or backs against the wall. So just another takeaway, like think about, you know, putting systems in place so you don't get into that bind.

Yeah.

Plan ahead and like, do something that my ex didn't know how to do. And it's called budget and. I don't. Anyway, just put, put things into perspective. Create a system for everything. For your finances, for your personal goals. If it's, if it's losing weight, if it's adding muscle, if it's dot, you know, just like just being healthy and eating better, you know, like creating recipes and like Chef JB probably, you know, puts together and, you know, has them laid out for him and his daughter and you know, just things like that. Just, just like create systems and make them, make them part of your life as opposed to goals and.

Well, I like that.

I, I hope, I hope there's some good takeaways there, guys. And it's, it's nice to be back. We're gonna have to cut it a little short today. Hope that's all right. But I think it was a pretty power packed half hour and looking forward to getting back into seeing you guys in the support group. I miss you guys. And again, check out download the. You don't have to download it. You just have to like, rem. You don't have to remove or delete the app. Just like kind of swipe up if you have an iPhone and make it go away and then refresh it. You guys know how to do that, I hope. But anyway, check it out. Tell us what you think and. You got anything else, Frank? Nope.

I think that's it, brother? I. I just want to say, everyone, this is a new year, so let's come at it with a. With a growth mindset. I know me and Scott are so excited about this next season. We're going to be talking about a lot more things, not just emotions. We're gonna be talking about sales. We're gonna talk about business as well, because I think it is crucial for the winter, the 8 to 9 to 10 year winter that we're about to experience in the United States of America and. Or all over the world. But mainly here is what I'm talking about. That recession that's going to start hitting pretty heavily. It's already hitting a lot of people heavily. You might be affected by this. And here's the thing. You got to go through winter, but in winter, you can either be outside and die, or you could be skiing. And so life always happens on its terms, but we get to experience it on our terms. And I know it's my heart, I know it's Scott's heart to try and bring as much value to you, not just by encouragement, but actually have some practical takeaways that you can utilize in your life to make more money so that you can solve more problems that require money, but then also to solve problems emotionally and internally and in other aspects in our lives. And so I'm really excited for this season. Thank you so much for tuning in today, man.