Dealing with Stress and Anxiety as a Single Dad.

Hey, you're listening to the Single Dads podcast, a podcast for single dads by single dads. In this podcast, you're going to be encouraged and hopefully given some practical tools to be able to become the parent that you've always wanted to be and that you know you can be. Hopefully, this podcast encourages you. Make sure that you download the Single Dads podcast app to join our community. Hope you enjoy the show. God, that would be so extra. I'm leaving that in. I'm leaving that in, bro.

Do it.

Welcome back to the show, guys. Welcome back. Welcome back. Today we're going to be talking about stress and anxiety as a single dad. How we handle it, why we don't handle it, why we don't talk about it. Because we all have it. If you're a human, we all have it.

In fact, I'm thinking about stuff right now that's stressing me out. All right. Just kidding. I'm. I'm in podcast mode.

Serious, serious mode.

Serious, guys. Let's. Let's be serious. No.

Yeah, but it. It is true that once you become a single dad, your stress levels intensify because the amount of things to be stressed and anxious about intensify a ton.

So regardless of how many kids you have, of course, each kid multiplies your stress level because it multiplies your amount of money you have to spend.

They also multiply your joy. See, this is why we need both.

Good cop, bad cop, negative, positive. All right. But in all seriousness, being being a parent, period, is insanely stressful. It's constant concern. It's constant worry. And then we add life.

Yeah. Everything that comes on with it, too.

It's just everyone has, you know, things going on. Our listeners for sure do, and that's why we're talking about it today. And what. What are some things that you have found that can bring your stress level from here up high to a more, I guess, normal level, if that's a thing, or just down to. To not. So you're not at a point where you're just constantly. Because when you're constantly anxietable, when you're constantly stressing, it's bad for. It's bad for your body physically, mentally. It's bad for your. Whatever you do for a living. It's bad for your children to see. It's bad for your relate every relationship you have. So these things just are oozing with negative results.

Yeah.

And there has to be things that you. Actionables that you take in life.

Yeah.

On a regular, consistent basis. Just to keep your anxiety and stress levels at a somewhat healthy level.

I was gonna say, you know, you love the office, and if you're listening to this, hopefully you love the office as well. I was gonna say to keep your stress and anxiety levels. Not at midnight. What was that movie Michael Scott made? Threat. Threat level midnight. We don't want our stress and anxiety at threat level midnight. We don't want that typ, bro. I think, honestly, there's a. There's a lot of things that we can do, but it all comes back down to action. Right.

Doing something 100, it's. It's action and not just popping a pill. I'm guilty of that. I take medicine for anxiety, and sadly, I'm scared to know what life would be like without it. But.

Well, that's also not just things. Things causing anxiety, though, right?

What do you mean?

Like, it's not just like, you're not just taking pills because things cause you anxiety. It's, like, programmed in your body almost.

Yeah.

You know how people need medicine.

Yeah. Okay. I have, like, legit panic attacks, and.

It'S not like your car payments due and then.

No, no, no. Thinking of, like, tic tacs. If that was my. If that was my stress, I would be one happy. Oh, man.

But I think, bro, the first thing. First thing first, and we talk about on the show a lot is awareness.

Yeah.

And it's acceptance, man. Like, own. Own your thing. Right. I think it can. It can be scary as a parent to admit. It can be scary as a human. Okay. And then especially as a man, it can be really scary to admit, like, I'm. I'm stressed the hell out right now, and I don't know what to do about this because it can come off, depending on who you share that with, as weak. Right. And, you know, there might be. I know there's a lot of people right now that are just like, society this, society that. Right. And it's like, yeah, society might say one thing, but at the end of the day, you're in charge of your own life and the people that you surround yourself with. So maybe surround yourself with peers. And this is again, why I love the support groups and what I do with. With my business. Because you can come with your stresses and your anxiety and things that you're anxious about without being judged and ridiculed about them. Yeah. But being understood. Right? But it's not enough just to talk about them, because the more you talk about it, the bigger it gets sometimes. And we have to, like, the first, the first thing to making any change in life is accepting it. Right. If I don't ex, if I keep saying that I'm big boned and I'm not, I'm just, I'm just fat, like, then I can't make a change because you see what I'm saying? Because I'm blaming it on something that is completely out of my control. But as soon as I own it, I can do something about it. Also the fact that I'm only like 5 9. I see that.

So, but, so that's a great segue into this. So the things, there are things that we have control over and being 59 is not one of them. Right.

Yes.

However, it's how you accept being 59 and how you, you know, whether you, you know, I don't think a lot of people say, oh look at him, he's 5 9. However, you might not think that way. You might think, you know, it might be a legit insecurity for you or you know, just among other things, you know, like it doesn't matter how tall you are or short you are or skinny or big boned or overweight or jacked. What? Yeah, it's, it's how, it's perception and a lot of times, and without getting off topic, but like, you know, my, my own son was like, had insecurities and I had to fit, you know, figure out like he was playing in his head. Like he literally thought people were talking about him just walking down the hallway at school.

Yeah.

Which wasn't the case. And by getting him to realize that, by empathizing and letting him know that I understood that, that feeling, we were able to get past that. But back to you know, like threat level, midnight anxiety, what things we can control. Like let's, for example, someone in the support group is, is currently in court and for, you know, a lot of different variables coming into play with this, the custody of his child and how that's going to turn out, you know, that's, yeah, that's something that he has to deal with and he, he only has control over how he handles it. Just like you know exactly how you were born. If you were born with brown eyes and you wished you had blue or whatever, get some fake contacts, man, you can control it. Or if you're bald and you know, you want to wear a tupe or you know, just, it's all about how, how people handle things and what works for them.

Yeah.

But you know, there, there's something that someone else in the support group mentioned that it's like we as men sometimes are guarded and we. We hide because. Hide our anxiety or hide our stress because we believe that we have to be the man that handles and we're the rock and we are the, you know, financial.

The provider.

Provider. Yeah, exactly. We have to provide. We. So we don't. We. We can't show weakness. And yeah, at the end of the day, it's like we have to be able to be vulnerable and we have to be able to know that it's okay to be weak. It's okay to make mistakes. Yeah. And. And, you know, that's kind of where I'm trying to get this conversation to go. Is.

Yeah.

Is. It's okay.

Yeah. Yeah. And that's. That's the thing. I think it's. It's how we perceive it, like you were saying. Because if you perceive it as weakness, of course you're not going to want to talk about it because the way you think controls the way that you operate. Exactly 100%. So if you see it as weakness, then you're going to feel like, I am weak and people are going to think that I am weak. But if you see it as vulnerable and vulnerability is a true strength, right. And it's something that you value in people, then why would you not give that to people? Now I get it. Right? There's going to be people that reject us when. Whenever we are vulnerable. But to me, the way that I see that is it's not rejection. It's redirecting you to the people that do belong in your life. Because I can sit here and talk to you about stuff. We. We do it all the time in those meeting rooms, right? And you're not just like, man, bro, you're. You're weak. You got this. You know what I'm saying? It's like, nabra, I see where you're coming from. Whatever. And it's that venting process, which we all need, which you should do with men. Okay? You should always vent with men because what you want to do is that is be in a safe environment. And another dude that you can vent to is probably going through stuff also. So he's not going to be like, bro, you're weak. He's going to be like, bro, I get it, I get it. And so we need to, within ourselves, stop seeing it as weakness and see it as strength. And if somebody can't handle that strength, then that is on them. Them. You know what I'm saying? Like, I get. I get so many comments of just men saying, well, yeah, But I opened up to them, and then they this and this. So now I'm never opening up again. I'm like, you're the one losing then.

Exactly.

You're the one that's losing. I'm like, the fact that they couldn't take you opening up is actually a win for you because you no longer have to waste your time with them. They just showed you their capacity and they maxed out, so you're good. Now, if you begin to honor your values of saying, I value vulnerability more than hiding it, Right. Then when you present yourself with I value vulnerability, you'll show up vulnerable, which means you'll start attracting people that. Like that, that that is one of their values and that can empathize with it. But if you stop showing up vulnerable, then what's going to happen is you're going to attract people into your life that are not vulnerable, and then you're going to have a weak moment where you need to be vulnerable and you can't take it anymore, and you're going to be vulnerable, and that person's going to reject you because you just brought in a person who doesn't value that. And you just reaffirmed the belief that I'm not supposed to be vulnerable, and that's not how it is. So I think as soon as we begin to realize, man, this isn't weakness. This is actual strength. And when somebody rejects you because you're vulnerable, instead of popping off, be like, hey, I'm sorry that you don't know, like, what emotional strength looks like. I'm not going to take the time to explain it to you, you know what I'm saying? And then walk away. The strongest position to be in in a negotiation is being willing to walk away.

Exactly. Desperation is the worst position to be in. And, you know, I. I've gotten DMS and messages through Facebook messenger and from complete strangers, some of which don't even know about our podcast.

Yeah.

Which is weird, but. Or I shouldn't say weird, just kind of sucks out of left field. But, you know, it's like sometimes, I mean, just one very recent message I got, it was like almost one o' clock in the morning, and someone reached out and was like, man, I. I really need to. To talk to somebody. I'm. I'm heartbroken. And I literally had no clue who this individual was, wasn't part of. I even went and looked through all the users in our. In the back office of our app to see if they were part of. No clue, but. So there are a Lot of people out there that aren't. Aren't scared to say, I need to talk to somebody. But, I mean, yeah, and.

And this is where that is step one, right? But the last thing that we can do as men, because we are created to be the protectors and the providers, right? That is what we are created to be. The last thing that we can do is sit in it, like, express what it is that you're going through. But then you have to find a solution. For example, you just. You just encountered an issue earlier downstairs. You see, I'm saying, and what if you would have just stayed in the fact that this doesn't work. This doesn't. I'm stressed, I'm stressed, I'm stressed, I'm stressed, I'm stressed, I'm stressed. And then you just talk to people for it, about it for a month, two months, three months, and you just talk and talk and talk to vent, and then you never do anything about it. You're digging your own grave, and you're not trustworthy anymore. And so this is what we see a lot that happens, right? And this is why with a. With a healthy person, you can open up about it, but then come up. Come up with a solution with an action plan. And I heard it said like this before, right? If you're at a job and they say you've got to finish this by this deadline, and they're your boss, you're gonna do whatever you have to do to hit the deadline because you have to do it. You see, I'm saying, so why don't we do that with us whenever we know I've got to handle this because it's causing nothing more than anxiety and stress in my life. So I got to handle it. Why don't we meet our own deadlines? You see what I'm saying?

I know that's a rhetorical question, and, you know, it's. And. And what happened downstairs, like, I've trained my brain to not like it is what it is. You heard me say that. And in my mind, although I didn't say it out loud, I already had actionables planned. Like, okay, the second we're done here, I'm driving home and I have. I'm gonna do this, this, and this to. To inquire, not even seek out, and figure out what my alternatives are to my solution.

Not even that situation. You started doing it there immediately. You started doing it there, and that's what happens. I want you to notice this, and for anyone that's listening, this is why this is so true, and it literally was just proven today by Scott, is that you had a moment of frustration and pissed off. Ness. We should make a shirt that says, dealing with my pissed offness, but with your pissed offness. Right. And it was maybe a minute, minute and a half, which is what I've preached about so often here. We experience emotions. There's a biochemical change that happens in our bodies for 60 to 90 seconds. After that, we create our own suffering. You could have stayed in that. You could have, but instead, you took your focus elsewhere. Instead of focusing on the problem, you started focusing on potential solutions, and that's all that we can do. Right?

Right.

And so I think the first thing is, like, we were talking about.

That we should do exactly.

I think the first thing is exactly what we were talking about. You've got to create a safe space. Keyword. Create a safe space for yourself. That means you know who you're bringing into the table that you can talk to. You know who that is, and you're intentional about it. And second step, you got to come up with an action plan. And I'm telling you guys, like, our brain is so powerful. What we can do as humans is insane. Look at Elon Musk, for crying out loud. But what we typically end up doing is not that insane. It's. It's not because we don't ask the right questions. Instead of being like, man, this is messed up. This is messed up. It's like, how can I make this happen?

That's keywords. We don't ask the right questions.

Yep.

I see it so often, and. And it. It blows my freaking mind, man. Because, like, someone's met with an issue or a problem. I don't. I don't care if it's talking to, negotiating your freaking cable bill online or not online, but on. Over the phone with somebody that is reading from a freaking script. Right?

Yeah.

It's like, ask the right questions.

Yep.

To get to. It's like, otherwise, you're wasting time. Valuable time, energy, energy.

Hair.

Increasing stress.

Hair's gonna start losing hair.

I mean. No, but for real, it's like. Like, I'm. I don't want to use any person as an example, but we'll just say Bob. Let's just say Bob. It's like, all right, you. You have this issue. You have this problem. But why didn't you ask this? Because if they said this, problem solved. Yeah, but why didn't you ask? I don't get it.

Yeah.

And. Well. And then I have to listen to an excuse?

Yeah, I hate it.

You know how I'm an anti. Excuser?

Yeah. It's. It's pride is what it. What it comes down to. We've got to kill our ego men, like, we really do, because our ego is not going to get us anywhere. Anywhere whatsoever.

No, it's not.

Like, tell me one human that's made it on their own. You can't. Everybody is standing on the shoulders of somebody, even if those shoulders were only five, five foot nine, you know, and. And then you're. You're ticked off at the world because somebody else is standing on shoulders of somebody that was 6 foot 5, so they got a higher advantage. But we're all standing on somebody's shoulders and we're all helping each other. And if we can start seeing it that way, then it's like you're no longer afraid of rejection because it just means that God's cleaning up your life. He's cleaning up your circle. If you extend like a hand to someone, you say, dude, help me. I need help. And you're on the ground and you're like bleeding, and they're like, you are ridiculous. This is so sad. Whatever. Then instead of being ticked off at the world, be like, thank you for showing me who you are and who I can trust and who I can't trust.

Exactly.

Now I know not to run there again. You see what I'm saying?

100%. And I just. Like, there's. There's just so many scenarios. But I. We have to identify certain things. And like you said, you mentioned, like, fear of rejection. Like the reason that you don't find solutions and you. And you choose to wallow in your stress or whatever your situation is, is because you fear. What? Like you're scared to do something. You're scared to take a step. It's. You're scared to fail. You're. The. The easy way out is to. Woe is me, and I'm going to drink or I'm going to smoke or whatever, but everyone's different. But you have to identify, like, all right, I'm stressed out. I'm. My anxiety level is through the roof. What. What are the root causes? Identify. Yeah, right. Identify and then create potential ways to lower it. Whether it's a resolution, whether it's a workout, to give you 45 minutes to think about more, you know, your next steps. But there. There's always something.

Yeah.

Execute.

Yes.

So you have to execute on potential actionables. Right. And whether it's. And. And sometimes it's literally like Cool. I'm. My stress levels super high and Monday night at 9 o' clock I'm going to talk to.

Yeah.

I'm going to talk to the guys on the, in their support group and there's not been one single support group where I have, have logged off and not felt good.

Yeah. Literally. Yeah, that's, that's the safe space.

But it is, it's a safe space and, and it just even, you know, I, I do a lot of listening more so than I do talking since I can talk here.

Yeah.

And I like, I like it to be an open forum for, for everyone else to, to talk. And some people get on and just listen too.

Yeah.

Because I think either side can be therapeutic in some form or fashion. Right. Or just sometimes people want to get, build up the courage, you know. But anyway, not to hone on that. But it's just like there are, there are things that we should do that we don't.

Yeah.

And so each and every person listening, whatever you're stressed about today, whether it's new, whether it's on been ongoing, think about what things you could do to lower that and potential resolutions. I know a lot of things are out of our control. Right. But let's start with the things that we do control.

Yep.

And then when we get, you know, let's just kind of chip away at things. Right. And sometimes that starts with just talking to someone. You know, you can, that you can be vulnerable with and get different perspective. It's so important, so important to, to get different perspective because I see things one way and I'm just, maybe I'm just not in the mindset or the mode to see it from a different perspective because how often do you, outside looking in, you can identify problems of other people. Like, man, if that individual did this, so much would change. Right? Yep. So it's the same with me.

Yeah.

You're probably able to identify some things sometimes and vice versa or whatever. So point being, get perspective from others that you, that you respect, that you trust, that, that maybe a mentor, maybe somebody that has more experience in life than you or it doesn't even have to be those things. It could be somebody younger because perspective is, is just a different point of view from someone else. And sometimes someone who hasn't been through whatever your situation is may have the answer because they don't. They're not thinking.

Yeah.

Like that. So it may just be a very simple, like holy shit, I didn't even, you know, you, you've only been here on this earth for and Here I've been on this earth for 45 years and you just gave me a freaking answer that I would have never thought of. Because it's fresh perspective.

Exactly. And that's at the, at the end of the day, there's controllables and non controllables, like, like Scott was saying. And what you're saying is right on point, bro. Because this is literally one of the exercises that I walk clients through. And it is so simple. And if you want to lower your stress and anxiety, do this. But you got to take action on it. You literally, instead of just sitting there and just thinking what's causing me stress, think about it, write it down, make a whole list of the things that are stressing you out, then scratch out the uncontrollables. Can I do something about this? No, I don't need to worry about it then. Right now. Not right now. Eventually I'll get to that. Right now, I don't need to worry about it. Right. And so you scratch it out and then the next thing you do the things that are controllables, start asking the question, how can I get a solution to this and then go to the next level and how can I enjoy doing it? There's gonna be some things that you can't really enjoy doing it. You just gotta do it. Right. But your brain will start working with you and it'll start giving you answers again. Better questions, give you better answers, give you better results in life. So just start asking, how can I make this happen right now? How can I do this? How can I? And then start taking action immediately on those. Because if you're crippled with anxiety and stress, your confidence is low. You might think it's high, but it's probably surface level confidence. Because real confidence and self esteem comes from being able to trust yourself. And if there is stuff that we're not executing on, we don't trust ourselves. That's why we're not executing on them. Because if we were, if we did trust ourselves, we would execute on those things. Because I know I can make it happen. And if I can't make it happen the first time, I'll find a way to make it happen. That is why you see these super successful people, they're so confident and it's because they know they have certainty within themselves, not within life. And the result, but they're like, if this doesn't work, I'll go to plan B and make it work. And if that doesn't work, I'll make plan C work. You see what I'm saying, but it's all about asking the right question. How can I make this happen? And Rob Dyrdek said something that was really freaking good, man. He said that what he did once was he wrote down everything that was stressing him out, and then he took care of it. He was like. And then what I started doing was I started dealing with stresses as they came. Now, my life isn't stressful. It was like. Because what happened was I had so many things that were stressing me out, and then more things always come in that create more stress. He's like, but now I'm not carrying stress and taking on new stresses. Now I'm just taking on new stresses. And so it's almost like, let's have, like, a stressless month, right, where we attack the stress, the things that we can control. And now active. Yes. And now I want to go to the things that we can't control. Okay. There's actually a study done that the people in the United States that deal with anxiety the least are. Are people that are consistently going to church. Now, this isn't me pushing church on anybody, okay? Because you can do whatever the heck you want to do with your life, but at the end of the day, what that shows is people that trust in a higher power have less anxiety. Why? Because the things that I can't control. If you are a person who seeks certainty in your life and that's like the number one need that you try and seek, you are, there's nothing that you can do, then at that point, and if there's nothing that you can do to control it, you better believe that there's somebody up there controlling things and making things work out for your good, even though you cannot see it right now. And I promise you, there's evidence that situations in your life have worked out for your good, even though you couldn't see it in the moment. And this is another part of the process, start looking at your life. Start looking at bad situations that happen that seem so out of control, and then start asking the question, how was that a blessing for me? What did that teach me? How did I grow because of that? And more than likely, some of the things that you love the most about yourself and that you admire the most about yourself came out of the worst situations that were completely out of your control, like in my life. And when you do that, you fortify that for you mindset that life is happening for me, it's not happening against me. And then something that's out of your control now, you don't see it as, why is that happening? I can't believe that's happening to me now. You see it as, how is this helping me? How is this building me? How is this going to be a blessing for me? And that's how you experience life on your terms.

And that, that's a great. You just even offered an exercise. Yeah, maybe without, with or without knowing, I don't know.

But no, yeah, I knew what I was doing.

Yeah. You know what I'm gonna say?

Yeah, that's what I do with my clients. That's why I said in the be beginning.

No, but shoot, now I went brain dead. No, but you offered an exercise by thinking about situations that, when you thought you were in such an awful situation scenario, maybe it was two years ago or, I don't know, just things were really, really bad. And a year later or two years later, looking back in hindsight, where are you as a person now in comparison to where you were then? So you've grown, you've become better at this, you've become stronger in this. You're able to provide wisdom to others. There's so many, you know, a list of things that you are now better at, mentally, physically, even. You've made a lot of improvements, right?

Yep.

So right now you, you are that person two years ago in a different scenario. And in two months, three months, three years, I don't know. Yeah, whatever. However higher power wants it to be, you're going to learn and you're going to be better. So just start thinking of exactly what Frank was talking about. But as an exercise, think about those things that caused you to be better than you were back then and the. What, what transpired and did you have to go through a lot of tough things and tough situations and. Absolutely. But every, I mean, if, if there wasn't bad, then there wouldn't be good and.

Exactly.

I mean, if, if we didn't work hard, then vacations wouldn't feel like vacations. Vacations, you know, so it's like you, you have, it's just part of life and it's, it's okay to make mistakes. It's okay to be where you are right now. Because right now is preparing you to be better in a year from now or six months from now or maybe even shorter term. Yeah, but. So that's one way to put your mind at ease and to start thinking in a more positive, proactive way.

And I want you to notice what we just did. Okay. We did not post a bunch of positive sticky notes on a bad situation and pretty much said it doesn't exist. No, no. That if anyone tells you just to do that, like, they don't know what they're talking about. Because at the end of the day, we're not saying that there is no weeds. We're saying, look at the weeds and see, how can I pull the weeds out? And then on top of that, start seeing, well, there was weeds in this area, but how did I learn from that? Oh, I learned how to garden.

And I'm not going to just chop the weeds because they're going to grow back. I got to get to the root of those weeds.

And what if we. Okay, I want to submit this to you, gentlemen and ladies, if you're listening, what if we started looking at life as a gift? All of it. All of it. The good, the bad, the ugly, the trials, the tribulations, the triumphs, the wins. What if we looked at all of it as a gift? Because here's the thing. You're a dad now. You are a parent, and your job is to replicate a freaking human being that is resilient and will take on anything this life throws at them. How will they be that if you never take on the things that life throws at you? Because they're gonna model what we do. They're not gonna do what we say. They're gonna model how we show up. They're gonna. They're gonna remember one day, man, my dad was going through this, and he handled it like a champ. Right? They're gonna be 20, 30, 40 years old, and they're gonna think back and remember, man, I just remember my dad. This. This. This happened, this terrible situation. And then this is how my dad showed up. And now I see that within myself. You see what I'm saying? But without the trials, without the unfairness of life, you can't give that to a man. You would not be able to give that to them. You would just make them soft. Like, that's why I. I love the fighting analogy, because it's so true. The more I get hit, the harder I become, the more I can endure. And so it's like, okay, thank you, life. You're preparing me for a bigger war.

Yeah.

And if I conquer these wars, what is my kid going to be able to conquer? Because I put that into them.

And that just reminded me something, that a new member of the community. It was on the support group last Monday. Tyler brought up hope. You didn't mind me mentioning his name, but he. He was giving. Just given, I guess, something that works, that he's doing not being able to be around his kids. Yeah. So he like, he went like got up, went and got a stack of papers and he's like, I've been writing and like writing letters whether my kid. That's like my kid's not gonna get them today or tomorrow, but one day.

God, that's beautiful, bro.

One day they're going to, to see this and they're going to know that I cared. Yeah. And so whatever the situation is, and I'll just leave it like that. I thought it was an amazing example because it was, it was also good. And someone else brought. Brought up something good out of their situation as well. But look at that.

That was an uncontrollable. Yeah, he can't, he cannot control that his kids are not there. Just like I can't control my daughter isn't with me half the time, more than half the time. But I can control what I do with that time to become a better father, to become a more loving father, to become a more vulnerable father, to create better experiences for her. You see what I mean?

Yeah.

So even though, and that's that, that's what you, you always hear it like, oh, that you're just a part time dad, you know, to all these like hurt, hurt parents. Right. They start saying that you're just part time father, part time mother, whatever it is. Well, don't be a part time father and mother by doing what that man is doing. He's still parenting. Look at that man. His kids are going to receive those letters hopefully when they're like 18 or 20 and they actually like take them in and they're like, wow, dude. You know, in our.

Whenever, whenever he wants to. But. Yeah, but, but we, we as. We as. We as any as kids who are 3, 4, 5, 8, 9, 10, whatever. Right. You know, they may not have your presence, but when they're mature enough and old enough.

Yeah.

To, to wow. This, this, this is what my dad was doing. Even though right now they may think whatever. And I'm not talking about your particular situation at this point, Tyler, either. Just FYI. I just wanted to bring that example up, which was awesome, by the way. But just generally speaking, like something, you know, there, there's other ways you can do things like that too. And just kids you can't control. Like, because I know so many parents out there are so worried about what their kids are thinking about them right now.

Yeah.

But that was such a phenomenal example and just one of many ways of creating for the future, a way for Your kids to know, hey, you may. They may think and it will also take a ton of weight off of your shoulders depending on your unique scenario. Whatever it is there. I. I hope that. That idea, that idea. If you don't do that. Exactly that get your wheels turning to do something and just realize that your kids, what they think of you now, they're kids.

Yeah.

And you remember when you were a kid, when you were 8 years old, what you thought, like you don't know when you're eight years old.

Yeah.

And. But you do know shit when you're 18.

Some, you know some stuff.

Well, you know. And you know enough to say, hey, my dad.

Yes.

Really was a. Yeah. An awesome person. And that's what matters. That, that really what does matter?

Because you know, dude, that, that dude. Tyler, you're thinking in the macro, bro, not the mic.

Totally.

Like so many people get stuck in now, man, this sucks now. Yes, it does. But he's thinking, how can I use now to impact the future? Future, literally, like in the long run. Because now his kids will never be able to say, you weren't around. You didn't care. Because he's got tangible proof that says, look, baby, I did the whole time you thought I wasn't there. I actually was there.

I had no control.

Yeah. And I was there. I did what I could with what I had. And here you go. I hope this blesses and bro, those kids like, you know, once, eventually, you know, you pass away and everything, they're going to have those letters forever and they're going to be like, even when my dad wasn't there, he was there. Like, that's. I'm not gonna lie. I'm gonna start doing that for my daughter.

And we now we have the power of video. Right?

Record videos.

Record videos.

I mean, start a private YouTube channel that doesn't go public. Leave them on there and then give that YouTube channel to your kid.

I mean, you know what my late wife, my son's mom did at one point just like had a little recorder and just set it in like the, a central area in the house.

Yeah.

And like her best friend was visiting for, for a few days and literally just went about things in the house, conversating with her best friend and things like that and recorded it. And I have it in my safe. To date, he has not listened to it, nor have I. Yeah, but that's something that, that she did. I mean, granted, you know, a different situation for. But for any of you that are in a situation where you're going to be widowed or, you know, it, that's, that's one way. But to, to do something like that, but just to get, just to get other scenarios to get your wheels turning, it's just, there's just a lot of interesting and, and cool things that you can do with, especially with the technology we have access to. Right. So while writing a letter is one thing, you can record videos, you can record audio, you can do just a lot of things. And it's, you know.

Yeah, it's powerful, man.

Very.

And that is, that is how, that is how you come up for solutions that are stressing you out and causing you pain and you find a way to make it work with what you have. Because, I mean, that's incredible. That, honestly, that, that is an incredible, incredible story and just what he's doing. And so for, for anyone who's feeling anxious and stressed, it's more than likely being caused because you're away from your kid a lot, you know, and then the demands that come with that and so just start asking better questions. Show up where you can show up. Because here's, here's the thing. You're not going to be alone for the rest of your life. I know right now you might feel like that and you might feel like all women are the same and love is impossible and all that, but it's just not true unless you want it to be true for you. Right. Whatever you believe is what you will create in your life. But it's like if you want to be in a passionate relationship eventually to where your kids get to see that and they get to see that even though you went through hell, you made things work still and you came out on top, then you need to show up for yourself first. You really, you really, really do. Because you want your kids to grow up trusting that regardless of what happens, Daddy's got them. You know what I mean? And then that future partner, you want them to trust that no matter what happens, it's not that you're not going to go through stress, but that you're going to go through stress, you're going to go through anxiety, you're going to experience these hard times and you're going to weep about them, but then you're going to find a way to make it happen.

Absolutely. And I, and I know we've, we've said this in other episodes, but this is so crucial.

Yeah.

That until you have you taken care of mentally, until you are positive forward thinking and, you know, you, you have to, you have to be mentally strong and take care of yourself before because if you show up to anything and you haven't taken care of you yet.

Yeah.

Then you're going to bring the wrong things to the table.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. Exactly. Man, that was a really good episode, man. I hope you, I hope you guys enjoyed that. I hope it was helpful for you.

That was a, this topic was from a topic request someone sent in. And so just know that we engage with those topic requests and if you have any get on the app, send them in and we'll talk about them and hopefully we'll help as many people as we can that listen.

Yeah, yeah, that's awesome, man. Hopefully you, you guys have a great day. You have a blessed day. And remember, the support group is on.

Monday, 9 o' clock central standard time. Thank you guys so much for tuning in. We really appreciate.