Divorced and Widowed Single Dads

Foreign.

The single dads podcast. Guys, my name is Frank, and I got my co host Scott Fisher with me. And honestly, first things first. Happy Father's Day. We're launching this on Father's Day.

Happy Father's Day to you, brother.

And it's not like, man, I feel like it's just a perfect time to, like, release it on Father's Day, just because the vision of the podcast. Right. Like, there's so many resources out there. Me and Scott were talking how there's so many resources for single parents, exclusively single mothers. And not just resources, but acknowledgement.

Acknowledgement. You said it. And I want to stop and say happy for freaking Father's Day to all you single dads out there. And I really mean it, because it's tough getting a single dad, and we. It's tough being a single parent. And I will never, ever take anything away from single moms. I want to make that very clear. However, one thing that happens every year that I was telling him about earlier, without fail on Mother's Day, whether it's a radio or commercials or whatnot, there's always props to all you single moms out there. And on Father's Day, I want to hear it. I wait to hear.

Just never.

It never comes.

Especially on social media. You almost get the opposite on Father's Day. It's still Happy Mother's Day for single moms.

Well, my close friends will. Will throw me a happy Father's Day on Mother's Day sometimes. Yeah. Because. Which is awesome to. To feel because it's like, you know, you're playing both roles and. Yeah, it always makes me feel good. So thank you to all three of my friends. You know who you are.

Yeah, man. And honestly, that's so relevant with your story, which you guys are going to get to hear about. I can't wait for you to story a little bit. But honestly, this podcast started for that reason.

I. I didn't mean to cut you off, Frank, but we were literally sitting in my office.

But you're gonna.

My home office. And. And I said. I literally. I said to him, I was like, you know what? We have two things in common. I mean, we have more than two things in common, but I was like, extremely handsome. Things we have in common are we're both single dads.

Yeah.

And we're both entrepreneurs.

Yeah.

And that's kind of what created.

Well, and three things. And we have a deep, deep passion to help people.

Yes.

Yeah.

100%. And thank you for including that. Yeah. And. But. But that's what kind of started the conversation that led to us sitting here right now filming a podcast episode, one for single dads.

Yeah, it was. It was cool because I had a. I had a call from one of my boys, Raymond Wright, and I was just on the phone with him while me and Scott were working on one of our other projects. And, like, the. He brought up something about, like, his little girl and things of that nature. And he. He's also a single dad that, you know, I think he walked through divorce. I'm pretty sure that's what it was. But regardless, I was just kind of encouraging him in that. And Scott was there, you know, just listening to the conversation. Then as soon as I hung up, that's where Scott was just like, man, why have we not done this? And I was like, bro, you're right. And we started looking up, like, podcasts for single dads. And I mean, no disrespect to anyone who's out there trying, but, like, the best one that we found was of a dude that was recording on his phone as he was driving. And then the past three episodes were about how he was just apologizing for not uploading enough. And I was like, I don't. I don't want to hear this. I really don't. And that's not to say that we have so much to offer and that we do, or that we're, like, experts in this, but I think it's just.

But we are.

But I think it's just like giving our perspective, giving our story and giving recognition to, you know, if you guys send in your story or connect with us and we get to hear about your story. Just giving you recognition for being a single dad. And honestly, just letting you know that you are seen and that you are valued because you are. And more. More than that. Like, I mean, honestly, that's really what we want to do eventually. Just build a community of single dads that are doing their best and trying. And instead of being hammered down every Father's Day on how you should be doing XYZ better, like, let's celebrate the victories that we do have and talk about how to navigate this thing.

Right? I mean, and that's our. I mean, the long play here is to build a community, as Frank said, but engage with single dads out there and hear your story, because, let's face it, there are so many different reasons as to why one may be a single dad and not going to go down the list, but there's just a lot of reasons. There's a lot of different scenarios and. Which I think is a great segue into kind of going to our stories and let you know how we became single dads and. Which, obviously is the reason behind that. Got us to do this.

Yeah. So you want to kick that off then with your story a little bit?

I will. So if you haven't noticed, I know I look a little bit older than Frank. That's because I am. So I'm 45 years old, and so I'm, what, 15, 16 years older than you.

Yeah.

But our kids are only a few years apart, which is kind of crazy. And the irony here is I became a dad around your age.

Oh, wow.

So, because my son is now 15 years old and. Or actually he's 14. He's about. He's going to be 15.

Yeah.

This summer. But nevertheless. So I lost my wife to cancer, a rare cancer, and devastating to. To lose, you know, an angel at the age of 35. And my son was five. Had just turned five, is literally one week after his fifth birthday.

Jeez.

Man. And so, you know, I don't want to go into more details than that at this point in time, but it was just, as I said, devastating is the only word that comes to mind at this point in time. But as we discussed, it's like, you can try and plan, but I could not get my mind, like, okay, when. If and when my wife passes away, this is what it's going to look like, or this is what it's going to be like.

Yeah.

I just couldn't get my mind because, one, you don't give up hope.

Yeah.

Two, you just can't fathom that. Start planning for something that you just don't believe is going to happen.

Yeah.

Or certainly as quickly as it did in my case. And. But, you know, it. It happened fast and too fast, and next thing you know, I'm a single dad in uncharted territory. I don't know what the hell I'm going to do now. And I. I don't have family on my side. He fortunately has. His mom, has a lot of family that lives in McKinney, which is a suburb of Dallas, which is where we're from, and live. But at any rate. So it was just. That's. That's my story. I'm sorry if I'm not being very articulate or speaking greatly, but that's still tough to talk about. But. So it's been almost 10 years now, and my son, as I said, is about to turn 15, and so it's been a decade now. That I've been a single dad. And we'll, we'll get into a lot of the, A lot of the stories that come along with that. Yeah, and, and definitely some, some, some good stories, some, some fun stories. Been a tough road, and we're going to cover a lot. And again, everybody is. All you single dads out there, we understand, you know, different scenarios for, for all of you guys. And now I'm going to turn it over to Frank and let him tell you little bit about his story.

Yeah, so. So my story, it's a little bit different than Scott's, which is cool because we have different perspectives, obviously. But my story was found out that I was going to be a dad when I was like 18 years old. Daughter was born at. When I was 19 years old, so started really, really young. I know that there's even probably some single fathers in here that started even younger than I am, which is. We would obviously look forward to hear, hearing that perspective as well. But for me, it was kind of trippy because we started off, I started off as a single dad, literally because we weren't together when she was born. Actually didn't get to see my little girl until she was one, just because of a whole mess with everything and how to go through attorneys, all that stuff. But anyways, I was relentless to see my little girl, and I made it happen. I did what I had to do. And so single dad for about four years, and then me and her mom actually ended up getting together. We're married for. We were together, I think, for like, three years, married for two years. And then what happened was, to me, it was an abrupt separation where I did not see it coming. We'll get more into like, that story and more, more of those details later on, but I just want to focus on, like, how I became a single dad. And so then it was weird because I had experienced what it was to be a single dad, like, immediately. But then I also experienced what it was to have, like, your family together, which was a whole different experience of its. Of its own. And then after that, I had to experience being a single dad again. And I think, I mean, I think, you know, like, it just, it takes it to a whole nother of level of, like, difficulty, like, emotionally and mentally whenever you've had that unit together. And then all of a sudden it's. It's not together anymore. And now it's like you're operating as a single parent. And so then now I've been a single dad again for two years, three, no 20. 19. Yeah. So two years.

And how old your daughter now?

My little girl is nine now, so she'll be 10 this year, so I got a decade of experience under my belt as well.

And you. You call your daughter the Goose?

Yeah.

Tell them why.

Yeah. Little girl. If you guys hear me refer to her, I'll probably say the Goose, which is not her name. And it's not a bad thing. My mom was like, why do you call her the Goose? Because in Spanish it sounds, like, really bad. And so whenever I post on Facebook, it translates it to what it is in Spanish. And I was like, mom, it's not a bad thing, I swear. But anyways, it started because she would, like, be. She'd be silly, and then we would call her, like, the Silly Goose.

Right, right.

But then she'd be like, hangry because she was hungry. And so then I would be like, you're just being an angry goose, or are you a hungry goose? Things of that nature. Then she didn't want to take a bath, and I'd be like, just spot on. Yeah. I was like, baby, you got to take a bath. You're a stinky goose. And then now it's just the Goose, so it's pretty cool. She loves that. She loves that nickname. It's.

For now. For now.

And so she turns into a teenager that she's going to, like, stop calling me that.

Yeah. And. And that. Boy, you're in for a ride. Enjoy these years that you're having. What a great age. Nine is awesome age.

Yeah.

And, you know, I'm. I'm dealing with a teenager now who, you know, used to want to dress like me and be like me, and now it's like, get out of my room, dad. And, you know, it's like, you know, you gotta have those. Those talks, you know? You know, he's gone through puberty now. His voice is as deep as mine. And it's. It's really weird because, I mean, he can wear my shoes, he can wear my clothes. I mean, and it's just. It's crazy. And it's like a. Seeing, like a me as a teenager, but much better behaved, fortunately.

It's funny how, like, being a single dad is not just about, like, oh, could cover this and then be done. Because there's always new chapters in parenting.

Oh, yeah.

Like, which you're in a whole new chapter than I'm in. You know what I mean?

Yeah. And it's. The funny thing is, is so he. He has quite a few cousins that, you know, that live in the area. And he. He doesn't see him as often as he. As he used to because as everyone gets older, they, you know, they start driving and, you know, they're. They don't want to hang out with their relatives or parents or siblings or anything like that. So at any rate, when he was younger and he spent more time with his cousins, a lot of which are girls, you know, he came home and would tell me, oh, dad, I already know what a period is. I already know this stuff. And I'm just like, what? And he's. How. He's like, my cousins. I'm like, I said their names. But he's like, so and so told me. And I'm like, so you guys just have these open conversations about the female anatomy. And he's like, yep. So, you know, I've still had talks with him, trust me, about, you know, what. When he gets to a certain point in his life where, you know, certain things happen, you know, what can happen, and one single bad decision could affect him negatively for the rest of his life. And I've told him a lot of stories about me and friends of mine, people I've known that have made bad decisions. I'm literally fortunate to be alive, not in prison. But, I mean, in all seriousness, I've told him legitimately true stories, not just to scare him, but to open his eyes to what can happen.

It's a reality.

It is reality. But I want him to know before he starts driving, before he starts, you know, having girlfriends and. And things of that nature and, you know, what happens when, you know. So I want to tell him, you know, true stories about, hey, this is what happened to this guy, and this is where he is today because of that decision. Wow. And things. And things of that nature. And I know for a fact I've gotten through to him in some areas. So, you know, that's one way I think you can. You can be a good parent, mom or dad is. Is to tell those stories that, you know, you witnessed or went through.

Yeah.

Almost went through, whatever the case is. Well, you know, there's lots of things. And as he gets older, I'll have even more stories. Oh, yeah.

Give them to him as he can handle them kind of thing.

Absolutely. But, yeah, I mean, that's, you know, that. That's one technique I use as a parent. And it's just crazy how much he learned from his female cousins.

Well, bro, I think. I think it's cool specifically with, like, how you do that with Riley, like, telling him about the reality of Consequences and life choices and things of that nature. Because you don't do it from. From what I know about you, you don't do it in a way of where you're, like, pissed off. And like. Riley, listen to me. If you. I mean, because that immediate, like, kids are such emotional beings. They're not logical. Like, that doesn't happen until probably more later on in your high school years to where you just think more logically. But they're more like emotional beings until, like, they're preteens, I would say, almost. Um, but it's like, if you come off in that, with that emotion, then now it's an attack. So now anything that we say, they're not going to listen to it. All they're going to think in their mind is like, what? Like, it's just, he's being mean. He doesn't like me. I'm doing something wrong. And then now they're going to, like, try and please us. But you do it in a way where you're just very calm and you're just like, hey, look, man. Like, this is this, is this, is this life, you know, and it almost becomes like a. Like a mentorship.

That's exactly my, My, my goal. It's like, I want to be your friend.

Yeah.

But I'm always going to be your father.

Yes.

And I want you to be able to come to me. And since he could talk and listen, one thing that I've always instilled in him, and it's the most important thing, is as long as you are honest with me. Honest.

Yeah.

Then you will never get in trouble.

Yeah.

But you have to come to me. You have to be forthcoming, and you have to be honest with me or I cannot help you.

Yeah.

Nor will I. Yeah. And trust me, there will be times when you need and want my help. Yeah. And, you know, I hope that you're able to make good decisions, but we all make dumb ones at some point in time. I just hope and pray that his aren't, you know, so. Such. So impactful that they, you know, cause major problems. And that's why I want him to know he can come and. Come and talk to me. And I've proven that to him. Like, he got in a fight in school and I always told him, you know, if. If you need. If you, if you need to defend yourself. And in this situation, I'm kind of getting off track here, but somebody, some kid actually, like, made fun of him. And so I won't even repeat it so bad. But it was so Derogatory about not having a mom.

Wow.

And yeah, that'll get you clocked. He got the fight and according to the principal, punched the kid 10, 12 times. And I'm not gonna sell you say that. I celebrated it, but I told the principal, I was like, he won't be punished when he gets home. Yeah, he will not be grounded when he gets home because that kind of thing is crossing the line and just shouldn't happen.

Yeah.

Sorry for getting off track, but if.

The parents aren't going to educate their kids, then.

Exactly. That's exactly right.

Just saying.

I mean, if. If. Now, if he said that to another kid, then we'd have an issue big time.

And, bro, what you've done with Riley is you've opened up the door so that he knows that he can trust you and he can come to you before anything escalates. Right.

100.

So, like you said, I just hope that some of his decisions are like. That most of them are great. And if they are bad, that there's not big concert. Well, I think that what you're. You've done with him is you. You've opened it to where he can come to you at phase one of the bad decision before it gets to, like, phase 10, you know what I'm saying? And just know that my dad's not going to dog me, hate me, like, hurt me, but he's going to listen to me and walk me through it.

You know, and because of the. The hand that he. We have been dealt, you know, especially with his mom, you know, he has learned to have a big heart just like his mom did, and he has learned empathy at a young age, so he's able to think about, you know, how would I feel if I were in this individual's shoes?

Yeah.

And he, you know, he's the guy that has taken up for, you know, special kids that have been being made fun of and things of that nature. Uh, so I'm. I'm nothing but proud of him, to be honest. And I. I'm. I hope I can. Can. I know I'll continue to be regardless. But, yeah, I mean, yeah, as parents, we. We do the best we can. And. And we just hope.

Yeah.

You know, they're not. They don't put themselves in the position or in situations or scenarios where those decisions. Those decisions can be made.

Yep, exactly. I think, honestly, we should do a full episode on creating a safe space for our kids as a single dad.

Because that is bullying. Safe space. There's. And guys, these are the things that we want to talk about. We understand there's limitless topics to go over, and that's why we want to hear from you all. We want to open this up and, as we said, create a community. And, you know, in this. This first episode, we just kind of wanted to introduce ourselves and give you our. Our back stories, or at least part of it, and.

And just cast some vision for where we're going, honestly, because there's gonna be a lot of really fun episodes, and then. And then we're gonna dive deep on some stuff, you know, because we. We do need that. But. But, yeah, it's funny because you're in a completely different stage and the stage that I'm in. Jordan Peterson. Do you know who Jordan Peterson is?

No, I don't.

So really, really smart dude. And he's been on the Joe Rogan podcast. That's where I heard him for the first time, but just really, really smart guy. But he was talking about how the goal for parents, whenever your kid is, like, a toddler, right, and he's about to. They're about to start going to school, like, the goal for you right then and there, like, it's not about what you need or anything like that. It's to get them to be socially acceptable, he said, because what you want is when they approach a kid, you want the kid to be inviting because of how socially acceptable they are. And when. When an adult meets them, you want the adult to give them a genuine smile and genuinely be like, man, what a good kid. Because the kid is like, that's it. And so for anyone right now, that is in that stage of life where your kid is, you know, 2, 3, 4, 5 years old, like, maybe just focus on, like, making them socially acceptable. And that doesn't mean, like, bending to the culture, Right. Which we'll have an episode on that as well. But I think that just means, like, you know, having the normal stuff, like, not the. What do they call it? Like, resting face or whatever. Like, you don't want your kid to have that, you know, like, you want them, like, be able to shake everyone's hand, you know, and obviously be cautious.

Look them in the eye when they do it. Yeah, that stuff on our topic, son at a young age.

And, yeah, like, for. For me, I'm like, my little girl, if we go somewhere, she's gonna say hi to every person that I say hi to, period. Some parents are like, well, you know, kids have, like, this distinction where, like, if they don't trust someone, like, well, if they're meeting Someone for the first time, obviously, they're not gonna trust them, but you have to guide them to say, hey, this is someone that we love. This is someone that we, like, welcome in. So say hi to them.

Right? Just.

You don't have to, you know, leave them with that person for a week. Just say hi. And then, like, my little girl, she sees me give someone a hug, she gives them a hug, like, and she.

So she follows suit. Like that.

That's cool. Yeah. She just knows that, like, that is what we do. Like, yes, we're careful with strangers, but if daddy welcomes this person, you welcome them. Right. And then we just open that communication. But, I mean, I just see. I just see some parents where they're like, well, if they don't want to say hi, I'm not gonna force them to say hi. I'm like, well, if they don't want to do their schoolwork, don't force them to do their schoolwork then, either.

If you mean what horrible parents. I'm like, totally kidding.

Just different perspectives. And, hey, we'll see outcomes later on in our lives with them. But, yeah, I just want to encourage someone with that, because you were kind of sharing a little bit of the stage where you're at with Riley, and that's kind of where I'm still at with, like, my little girl, you know, especially because she's. She's in the autistic spectrum, so takes a little bit more work to, like, you know, work with her. But. But, yeah, man, that's that.

The bottom line is we are all in uncharted territory. Yeah. And that's, you know, essentially why we are here, because we want to hear about, you know, stories. Some of you are ahead of us. Some of you are way behind. Some of you are right there with us.

Yeah.

That's what this community is about. That's what this podcast is about. We want you all to. To share stories. We're gonna have guests on the show. Yeah. We're gonna have fun. We're gonna talk about some really fun times. In fact, I think we got a really cool show planned for our. Our second episode. Yeah.

Yeah.

So, yeah, we're looking forward to having a blast and just really getting into this space that is sadly, unsaturated.

Well, yeah, more than unsaturated. It's ignored.

Completely unsaturated. Yeah, that's certainly the case.

And what you were saying, like, uncharted territory. Somebody could hear that and be like, well, there's plenty of single dads out there that are already Doing it. But it's uncharted territory because you and your child are completely different individuals than anybody else.

And so charted territory for single dads. For single parents. Yeah, you know, I mean, I'm, I, I don't know what, you know, when he's 16, I'm going to have to deal with things that I have no idea. Yeah, you know, how to deal with. But, you know, that's for another time, but.

And we were looking up, like, we were looking up just some. Doing some research earlier today and we were trying to find statistics and data and things like that on single dads. And I came up on this article by parents.com and 2013 and. But it even said, it said that there is so many resources and data, but it's all geared towards the health and wealth, well, being of single mothers. And then it literally said there is not enough data to do any of that for single dads. And I was just like, literally go.

To any podcast and type in Single mom and tons type in single dad. And.

Yeah.

And so again, that's what we're here for. And I hope that we're able to, even if it's not a big community, create a community and, and, and bond, meet some people and allow you guys to, to, you know, meet other people and really, you know, make this a success. And it's going to be a success regardless because we're not going to stop filming.

And if it helps one person, it was successful.

As cliche as it is, if we help one single dad, then. Because we have a blast doing this.

Yeah.

So we're just glad that we found something that we can talk about that's not a saturated market. We're both entrepreneurs. We could do an entrepreneur podcast, but, you know, would never be found. And hopefully, you know, doing a topic that we're both passionate about will be found and, you know, meet some really cool people, hear some stories and make this podcast a success.

Yeah. Let's go. We're going to be releasing two episodes every single week going forward. And so if you like the podcast or if you know of a single dad that you're like, man, I think you would really enjoy this while you're driving, then send it over to them. Even if, you know, like a single parent, like a single mom, and maybe she wants the perspective of a single dad or, I don't know, whatever it is, share it with whoever you want. We're really just here to help as much as possible.

And again, we're gonna have a lot of freaking fun.

Yeah.

And we're gonna have some funny stuff. We've got some cool stuff planned already. So I just want to say again, happy freaking Father's Day to all you single dads out there.

Yes.

Yes. We love you, and we're here for you, and we hope you get some other single dads to tune in. So we will see you guys in the next episode. Hopefully, we'll see more of you. Happy Father's Day.

Peace.