Enjoying the Holidays as a Single Dad.

Foreign. What's up everybody? Hope everyone is enjoying the well, I don't know what their weather's like. Ours is nice and cool.

Yeah, dude, it's like beautiful, beautiful over here right now. And it was, bro, it was one day like out of nowhere. Just happened out of nowhere.

So we are currently recording from our home offices and we have decided that these last two months of the year, well, month and a half now, but we've recorded seven seasons back to back to back to back to back straight.

It's been awesome.

Yeah for like 15 months and or maybe more. And it costs money to, you know how use the studio and time. And Frank and I are both literally launching, have been launching businesses and I can speak for myself and say that I was putting more time into.

The.

The Single Dads podcast and the app and trying to get, grow the community and get people engaged in the support group and it was just taking more time than I realized. And I picked my head up one day and I was like, I've been blowing through money because, because I have had no incoming revenue. Well, had a little bit but not much and more just put more going out than coming in and you know that can only go on for so long before it becomes an issue and it's an issue. So I also been having some personal struggles and which I will be happy to go into more detail in a support group but while on the topic of support groups, I, oh, an apology to everyone for this past Monday I did a no call, no show which I do not make excuses. I hate people that make excuses. I don't hate them, I just think they're stupid. But I, I just legitimately forgot and that that's just where my head, my headspace is. Like I, I, I don't know if I even knew it was Monday. And then regardless, again, excuses, there are none. So I apologize and moving forward.

I.

Well, I would like the support group to maintain if you guys want it to and I want it to be self sustained. And each week if some, if, if we want to like you know, communicate via the app and say hey, I'm down and just kind of make a list of I can, I can add a, a form or whatever or we can just do in general chat or the, whatever you guys know what, how to communicate in there. But each week we can say, every Monday morning we can say I'm willing to host and, or do it from my Zoom account and I need a, a list of people that are going to be able to make it or want to make it. And I don't have to be the guy that is involved. And if I can make it, I'll host it, but if I can't, then I can't. So that's how it's going to be, at least for the rest of the year, moving forward. And I hope it continues to take place because I know a lot of people are getting encouragement. They're able to talk and get things off their shoulders and get, get some weight lifted and, and get perspective and. And it helps everybody every time. So just because I'm not going to host every single Monday doesn't mean it can't continue. And I hope it does. And I hope you guys understand that I've just got, you know, life happens. And I just am not in a place right now where I can commit every single Monday without fail like I had for so long. And so I'll shut up about that, but that's how it's going to be moving forward for now. And. Our podcast, Frank and I are going to scale back just a little bit the rest of the year. We're going to be both be traveling. Frank's got family coming in and I've, I've.

I'll be in Mexico next week, too.

There you. There you have it. Lucky. So he sort of a. I will not be in Mexico next week, but I will be somewhere. I just don't know where yet. Not here. I need a break. And. So if anybody wants me to come visit them or something, let me know. Not kidding. So we will still be putting content out when we can on social media or on Instagram to let other people in the community know that don't interact in the app, what's going on. And we'll, you know, it's just going to be scaled back a little bit and we're going to be making plans for the new year to shake up the format a little bit and study all the analytics from the last year plus and see what people have been drawn to and what was appealing and what was popular, what wasn't and kind of make our adjustments based on facts and what you all want and give you more of it. So that is our plan and I just wanted to preface this podcast with all of that. So. So if you're still here, once again, yeah, if you're still here, I apologize and I really genuinely hope that you guys continue to keep it going and hope to see. Continue to see engagement in the app and so on. And Jay Bailey, I will still do as I promised. And congratulations again to you, for being on the. Being on television for the second time, was invited back to. Had like a. A 10 minute segment on one of the news, local news channels and in his hometown of Can. Where is he? Can? Kansas. Wichita. Somewhere in there. I forgot. But anyway, congratulations, bro. You're doing awesome. Keep it up. I've seen, I've seen so much improvement in so many people and, and I'm really, really nice to see you making so much improvement. So you know what? I promised you, I'll stick to it if you stick to you. All right, moving on, Frank. I'm done talking.

Man. Yeah, guys, honestly, I'm just, I'm really excited to plan for, for the next year. And I was telling Scott, I was like, bro, you know that there isn't another podcast that's done nearly what we've done so far for single dads as far as consistency goes, because it's difficult. I think we all know, you know, and I think you can hear it in Scott's voice. Just the wear and tear of actually trying to keep up with life and doing these things as well. And, and when you're constantly pouring like this is. This is why it's so important to have a serving attitude, right? Because when you're constantly serving, if you have other people that want to serve as well, then now everything flows and it just flows, like, really, really well, right? And so for you men that have been a part of that group, right, Like, I know I haven't been a part of the support group. And you know, I was very honest with Scott whenever we were going to start that I even, I even told Scott I was brother, maybe go for once a month first, especially for the price tag of it, right? And out of the goodness of his heart, he went, no, I'm going to go every single week. And I just knew I couldn't do that. Doing more than 20 coaching sessions a week, it was just mentally and emotionally, I just would not be able to do that. And so for any men who were taking so much out of there, and I know Scott has given me some incredible testimonies that have come out of the support group, it's like, I think now is the time. Now it's the time to not just sit back and be like, okay, well, thank you for that, but say no. Now I want to pour into other men. Now I want to step up and help other men. Because the more that you take, the more that you can give, and then the more that you can receive. And then that's how we grow as Men. That's how we grow as humans, right? And so I think it's going to be really excited just to see, man. Just to see which people start coming up and saying, no, I want to start helping men now too. I want to be a part of this. I want to make a support group. Because the Single Dads Podcast is not about the Single Dads Podcast like Frank and Scott. That's not it. I've even told Scott before, man, how amazing would it be if we had the Single Dads Podcast. Dallas, we had the Single Dads Podcast. New York, we had the Single Dads Podcast la. And it's all single dads that are saying, hey, I want in on this and I want to do something great. And I think it starts with being there for each other, right? And so I'm excited, I'm excited to plan, look at everything that we've done and then come out just hitting, hitting it hard in the new year again. I mean, dude, like 15, 16 months we've been consistent. Like, that's freaking awesome, dude. That's freaking awesome.

Yeah, it is. It's amazing. And it's crazy to think like, we put a shitload of time in to into this and I never once thought of it as like, work or, oh, crap, I gotta do this. For me, it was, it was enjoyable. It's awesome to see the feedback that we got from so many people, like thanking us and um, yeah, I mean, even some, some really crazy things I won't even bring up, but it's, it's just rewarding. But at the same time, it's, it's, it. It's just awesome to see people make progress. It's awesome to see people that have an attitude at one point of, I can't, I don't want to. I don't think I can. I'm just hurt too bad to literally a month, two months later, being doing a complete 180 and being like, it is what it is and I'm moving on. And I just, it stings. But yeah, I'm. I got to move on. It's life. And to see so many people do that has been just awesome. And because a couple of guys got together and got pissed off that only moms got shout outs on Mother's Day and Father's Day.

Well, and that every other single dad Facebook group is nothing but toxic of just pussy men talking crap and not doing anything. And we were like, okay, we got to start steering the ship and be like, guys, stop doing that. That's not helping us let's do some stuff that's actually going to be effective. And now we're getting messages like, I just sent this to Scott on Monday. Somebody messaged me on. On my. On the divorce recovery account. They said, been a follower and listener for about four months now. Great content and views on an array of different situations. I've really implemented what you guys have talked about, and the results with oneself within oneself is amazing. Like, man, that, like. And, guys, countless of messages like that and like that. Those messages alone make it so worth it, but it also makes it worth us taking some time to make it better. How can we make this go to the next level? How can we make it even better for you men? Because we've been doing pretty much the same thing for 15, 16 months, and now it's time for the Single Dads podcast to grow and. And to just get a little bit more creative, let our imagination flow a little bit. But it's hard to let your imagination. Imagination flow when you're operating out of burnout, right? And so we gotta be able to. We gotta be able to make sure that we navigate these things the best that we can. And this is everything we've talked about on the podcast, right? Like, if you're not healthy, what you do isn't going to be healthy. So we got to make sure that we keep Scott healthy. I got to make sure that I stay healthy, right, and that I stay on the top of my game so that we can always deliver for you men, because that's why we do it. We don't do it for us. We do not make money off of this. Like, it's literally, if anything, Scott has lost a lot of money doing this because of, like, the whole app and all that stuff and so much time invested into it, but we want to keep doing it. Why? Because there's a greater purpose behind it, man. There's just a greater vision behind it. It's not about. It's not about clout. It's not about money. It's not about fame. It's not about anything like that. It's simply like, we're going to say some stuff and hopefully you implement it and this stuff that we've seen works, and hopefully it changes your life and it encourages you. And even if all it does is encourage you and it shifts your mentality one day, and even if it just makes you show up even better with your kids and actually enjoy them instead of being obsessed with what's going on with your ex and obsessed with all the problems in this World, then I think we won. I think we won. I think that's a W for me in my book. And I know Scott would definitely agree with that. And so we want to make sure that we keep doing that. And so we're going to transition right now specifically into the holidays because, shoot, Thanksgiving is literally, literally next week and Christmas is right around the corner.

Crazy, I know, is wild.

Scott, when do you put up your Christmas tree?

It varies, man. My, My. My holidays for me are difficult and they have for. For many years, but my, My son goes to spend time with the family on his mom's side. And yeah, as you know, I don't really. I don't really have family, so I. Last year I put it up by myself and probably a week before Christmas, maybe a week and a half, and that was because my son was going to be coming home to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas or half a Christmas Day with me and then back over to his grandma's. So, yeah, had to, had to have a tree with something under it.

So.

But, you know, he's. And now he's 16 and he's got a car and, you know, it's like, you think all these transitions that have, that are taking place in my life that I didn't think about before, like, how, like, I didn't think three, two, three months ago, like how things would be different in certain areas, and I was just more like, oh, I can't. I. I'm excited for my son. I'm excited because I was his instructor and I didn't want him to fail twice because I felt bad for that. But, but, you know, now I've. I've got my own Uber Eats guy.

For free. Actually, no, he's more expensive because you got to sustain his own living.

Well, that's always been the case. But, but, but yeah, I mean, I got a little errand boy and, you know, it's like this, this past weekend, I, I was able to like, go out and, And not, like, I could go out and not come home that.

Night.

You know, because, you know, I. He's got food, he has a transportation, and he has the means to feed himself and take care of himself, and I trust him. And, and so I was able to do some. Something really cool that I typically would have to say no to. And, you know, I've, I'm. I've just been buried sitting in my home office. I hate my home office. I'm literally gonna. Once I generate some money to revenue, I'm. I'm. I'm going to refurnish my home office just because I can't look at it anymore, bro.

It just feels good changing your environment, man. There's something so practical about it. So freaking practical about changing your environment. People don't. And it's not even like, oh, I have to gut everything out. It's like sometimes you just paint the walls and you're like, oh, dang. And then you just clear some things out and it just feels so much better. Like our environment has. It says a lot on us, right? Like, it does a lot. Like whenever I'm sitting here working and I open up these blinds and so the outside light comes in, that alone changes the environment because now it's like I'm getting sunlight and I'm like, looking out there and so. Yeah, brother, that'll be awesome, man. Whenever you start doing that, let me know. For real. I'll come help you. I love interior design.

Well, when I sell some apps to interior designers and interior design coaches and, and, and, and 20 or 30 other people, then I'll tell. I'll call you.

Yeah. Awesome. Awesome.

So.

The reason why I asked about the tree is because everyone puts up their tree so freaking early. So early, man.

It gets earlier every single year. I, like, Christmas lights were up before Halloween in my neighborhood. Somebody, somebody was telling me a story that they had. This was post Halloween. It was like just like a week or so ago that somebody came and told them, like, a neighbor was just like power walking across the street to them and, and to tell them that they were putting their lights up too early. It's like a freaking Karen in the neighborhood or something. And, and it's like, it's not too early to start getting in the Christmas spirit just because we haven't had turkey yet. Come on. I mean, I mean, it costs a lot of money and, or if you hire somebody to put lights up or I, I, I don't, or, you know, or the time and research. I mean, so enjoy it for a couple of months. Enjoy the decor around the house. It puts you in a good mood. Get you that annual one that's, you know, that, that feel good, you know, Spirit.

Yeah. Maybe allow yourself to become the jolly big man. The big fat jolly man. You know what I'm saying? Like, give yourself the freedom to do that, dude. Exactly. That's, that's, that's how you enjoy holidays, guys. Even if it's. I just did a coaching call, literally, on this, and then Scott was like, maybe we should do the episode on like, enjoying your holidays after, like, going through all this crap, right? Because some of you guys are probably freshly going through it, whether that's a breakup, whether that's a divorce, whether that's just life change. And I was like, dude, this is perfect. I literally just coached on this Saturday, and everyone was like, this was so good for me. And it's because it's so true. I mean, I did the same thing last year. I just coached on it again because I have fresh set of people in there. But it's exactly what Scott just said. Like, man, why don't you just, like, decorate and just enjoy it? Like, enjoy the lights, enjoy the environment. You're shifting it, right? It's like, that's literally what I told the Conquerors. I was like, hey, I know this is your first Christmas alone. That also means this is your first Christmas decorating the house the way that you've always wanted to, but you were never allowed to. That also means that you get to go and experience something that you've always wanted to do that you never got to. That also means that if you like going to your friend's house for, you know, their event or whatever, but then she or he was always trying to, like, pull you away from there. Like, we got to go, because I want to go do my thing. That means that you can stay there just a little bit longer now, too, right? Like, it just means that, okay, what do I want to do? How do I want? Because regardless, you're gonna have to go through this holiday season. You're gonna have to go through it, and you can go through it as the Grinch if you want to. That's. That's. That's a. That's a complete decision that we can make. Or you can say, you know what? I cannot change the simple fact that this is how I'm experiencing this right now, and this is the situation, But I can change how I choose to experience it. I'm just going to focus on what I have, and I'm focused on what I can control, and I'm going to focus on what I'm grateful for, Especially right now that it's Thanksgiving every right now, man. I hear so often it's Thanksgiving. And they're like, well, I don't really have a lot to be thankful for. It's like, you're choosing. You're choosing that. You're choosing, choosing, choosing that attitude. It's. There's always something else available, but we got to be willing to look for it. Mental. And I want to encourage you. I know that it's tough Okay, I know that it's tough, but what does sitting there saying, well, this is hard do to you? It doesn't. It doesn't serve you. It keeps you stuck right when you could actually be having a good time and actually enjoying, even if it's just one person in your life, freaking enjoy them and be intentional about it.

And I want to speak to that because my. My mom got killed in a car wreck Nov. 19, right before the holidays. And that. That year, literally, what, like a week, just over a week after that, of. Of burying her. What. You know, it was me and my brother and my dad and literally every. All. Well, I'll. I'll make this short, but bottom line is we could have sat around and been just, woe is us. Woe is us. But no, we didn't. We went to Meals on Wheels and we went and delivered meals to people who couldn't. Didn't have the resources to. Or family or to get out. So we did what we. We knew my mom would want us to probably do, and we made the best of it, and we had. And we. And we were still with each other. And, you know, I'm not saying that it was the. The best Thanksgiving ever, but again, we. We couldn't control what happened. We could only control how we handled the situation. And so for all of you that are in scenarios that aren't necessarily similar to that, but they're bad, and maybe you don't get your kids or you don't get to see them or whatever's going on, you just. You're going through a divorce, and. And this is the first year there where you don't have any, you know, the traditional Christmas or Thanksgiving that you. That you. That you've had historically, then, you know, now is the time to start making new traditions. And I. I have literally had to do something different every year since then. And then. Then. And then I lost my wife. And then bam. Same thing. That. That. Then, you know, the. The. The family that I had created after my mom passed went away. So, you know, it was like back to the drawing board. Look, I could have just said, woe is me, but I'm a. I'm a. A world traveler. And so Thanksgiving for me became travel week, and that's. And I've now hit over 50 countries, and it's. You know, so it's. It's been, you know, you. You figure out things to do, and a lot of times I try. I've traveled alone. I have friends all over the. All over the globe, at least on Five continents and the, you know, I have people to go visit, and it's because I, I made that happen. And point being is things can be so shitty, so bad, and it's up to you. Do you want to. Do you want to let them be that way, or do you want to figure out a way to make them good with what you have? And as Frank said, focus on what you have and. Or have the ability to make happen. And if it's, you know, getting an invite to your. Somebody that you don't even know that well, just because they were being nice and they know that things are different for you, take the invitation. Go. Don't. Don't say no. I'm just going. I'm just going to sit at home and drink or, you know, it's like, go, go, go do something. Even if it's not comfortable, even if it doesn't sound exciting or fun, Go do it anyway.

And I would even, I would even encourage people, like, don't even wait for the invitation. Like, okay, I've been. And dude, I don't know if I'm wrong with this. I actually, I know that I'm not. I'm not wrong for this because it's just adding so much goodness to my life right now. But, bro, I've been trying to be extremely honest, like death deadly honest with myself. I've been on this new thing of just honesty within myself, and it's like, dudes, why don't you just, instead of waiting for someone to text you, why don't you focus on what you can control, which is you send out a text or you make the call and you hit up one of your, like, somebody, and you're like, hey, bro, I'm just going to be honest with you right now. I don't really care if I get rejected by, like, this needs to be the mindset. I don't care if I get rejected by truth, because if I get rejected by truth, then it means that, that that person needed to leave, right? So you're just like, look, I'm just going to be completely honest. I'm kind of going through a hard time, but I'm. I'm making the choice to refuse to stay there during these holidays. I actually want to enjoy them and have some fun. And so I was wondering, what are, what do you have going on, right? And I want to be a part of it. How can I help you make it happen? Oh, you're throwing a party, bro, Can I set up chairs for you? Can I serve this? And then, boom. Become a part of it. Be intentional or, like Scott said, like, go and, like, doing, like, the drives, the, you know, the donation drives and all those different things. It's like, that's being intentional, but being super honest with somebody and being like. And not in a way of like, yeah, I'm just really going through a hard time, so I really hope that somebody does something for me. No, like, hey, man, I'm going through a hard time, but I am actually making the choice right now that I don't want to stay there. I want to have a good time. So I want to know if you, if you need help with something, I would love to help. Right. I would love to be involved with that, you know, because then if you're just like, I'm just this and that, and you're like, is it okay if I come to your party? Like, who's going to want a negative Nancy at their party?

You know?

Like, they're going to love you, but they're going to like, dude, like, come. But just, like, don't get plastered drunk and make a scene. Like, now, now they're concerned with you coming, but if you, if you flip the gear and you're like, f this, I want to have a good time and you're honest about it and you're like, I genuinely want to do my best to enjoy these holidays. Like, I think we're, I think you're going to get a lot more opportunities than you think you're going to get. And I think you're going to make some very deep connections with people that maybe that connection wasn't there before like it is now, but it is there now because of the honesty. You know what I'm saying?

Yeah, that's real good stuff, man. I, I, I, I don't have anything on top of that. That's a. Excellent advice. Excellent advice.

Yeah. Yesterday, bro, I went to, you know, Chase, Chase Utley. So yesterday I, I had messaged him earlier this week because I haven't seen him in months. This is one of my boys, everybody. And I hadn't seen him in months. And I started thinking, right? I started thinking because, like, the other day I also went over to Scott's house and, and that's because I got into this place where I started thinking and I was like, I, I have some really good people in my life. I'm like, but I'm not taking advantage of them. And that sounds really bad, but, I mean, in a good way, like, I'm not taking advantage that I have good people in my Life, it's not like, oh, I'm not taking advantage of them and using them for whatever I can. No, I'm saying I'm not taking advantage of spending time with these men, right, that are incredible people that I, that I, I love the relationship that I have with them. And so I just remember I caught myself here in my office where I also never get to leave. And I was like, man, I'm feeling off today. What the hell, dude? And then I started digging deep, I started doing my own processes, processing my emotion. I was like, oh, dude, I'm actually feeling lonely. Wow, I'm feeling really lonely right now. And I was like, why am I feeling lonely? I have so many people that love me. And I was like, but am I loving them? That was the question that came up. But am I loving them? And I was like, dang, dude. And so then I started thinking, I was like, okay, okay. The reason why I'm feeling this way is because I, I haven't been intentional. Not they haven't been, because they have their own life that they're going through. But guess what? As soon as I texted Scott, hey, bro, let me come into your house, we'll work a little bit.

Da da da.

He was like, I think that's a great idea when we could have done it like this over zoom. But I was like, no, I want to go over to his house. I want to be intentional. I'd rather pay the gas and the tolls and the 45 minute drive and be intentional about it. Right? And then my buddy Chase on Monday, same thing. I texted him, hey, man, I haven't seen you in a while, bro. You down to smoke some cigars? He was like, yeah. And he was like, well, I can't this day, right? And so he said, I can't that day. And I wasn't like, well, just let me know when you can. No, again, intentional. I was like, well, can you do Wednesday? He was like, actually, I think that's gonna work perfect, bro. Wednesday this time. And then he was like, man, I don't know if I can do 8, 8:30. I was like, can you do 9:30? You see what I'm saying? And so we got together at 10 o' clock last night, but we hung out until midnight. And it was one of the most refreshing moments that I've had in a while with him. Specifically why? Because I was intentional about it. So I want all of us to just be intentional about it. Like the life that we want isn't going to come to us. Like we, we've got to go to it. And I. It was a fresh reminder to me about that, man, that's.

That's good stuff, man, because I think it's human nature. And so many people are. They, they stop after one, like, oh, like, they, they, they. They make an assumption. And this is why, this is what, this is exactly why so many people suck at cells, at selling things. I mean, I'm serious. I have a. As Frank knows, I'm Have a big back, if I could speak, a lot of experience and a huge background in sales and sales management and teaching people. And. But that's, that's what happens is people make assumptions. And when you make an assumption, you're wrong 98 of the time. So, like, if Frank would have said, oh, he's just, he's. He keeps coming up with it with an excuse as to why he can't hang out. He just doesn't want to hang out with me. But that clearly wasn't the case. But my point is, if you, if you do, if you are intentional as we. We're advising you to be, don't take the first excuse as a. They're just trying to avoid me. Because I don't think you people are trying to avoid you unless you, they're intentional about it.

Unless you show up in a way that makes people.

Yeah. And you should probably know if somebody doesn' want you around. But anyway, don't, don't give up after the first, oh, no, I've got family in town or.

Yeah.

Well, I'd love to meet them.

Yeah.

Oh, you know, because maybe they're making an assumption that, oh, they don't want to be around with all my family, so.

But, bro, that's so true, bro, it is so freaking true. I just went over to my boy's Cody house. I'm telling you, bro, I've been very intentional the past three weeks. I was just at my buddy's Cody's house, and he started talking about his family. And I was like, bro, why have I never met your family? Dog, I've known you for like 10 years now. I was like, why have I never. And I told him, I was like, I want to meet your family. And he was like, dude, you know what? You're right. Like, the next time they're in, I'm going to invite you over. He was like, you know, I just thought, you know, maybe. Again, assumptions. He just thought that I didn't want to, like, hang out with him and his parents. But I'm like, bro, like, if we're in each other's life, then we're in each other's life. Like, I'm not half assing any of this stuff anymore. It's like, if we're gonna be in each other's lives, we're gonna be in each other's lives. I got like five friends. I'm like, I can, I can, I can, I can handle five other families. You know what I mean? And getting to know five other fan. I can handle that. I want to handle that, bro. It's so true. It's like we just assume and it's, it's everything. It's like an assumption is a thought. It's a story that you've already created in your head about the scenario. And so that story dictates how you feel and how you move. So if the story is like, well, they don't really want me to do it, then you're just feel disempowered and you're like, no, I'm not going to do it. Because now I'm anxious, I'm a little insecure, I'm a little uneasy. But if your assumption is like, no, they probably just are doing that out of concern for me. Now you, now you want to eliminate that concern. Concern. So you'll overcome the objection in a healthy way, which again, this is also sales. Right. And, and then you'll get what you wanted or you'll have a way better chance at getting what you wanted.

And I'm sure everyone's heard the expression, you know, when you spell assume, you make an ass out of you and me.

Yep.

Ass. You, Me.

Yeah, exactly. Exactly.

But, but, but it, but, but it is. So don't. That's all. It's asking people out on dates. It's asking people to, you know, do. Do stuff. It's, it's, it's not asking people to do things. It's asking, hey, so you ready to make this investment and move forward with the sell? People are scared to ask. When they say no, I'm gonna have to think about it. Well, what, what's there to think about?

Yeah, I mean, you know, you know what, what I heard from this dude, his name is Alex Mahosey. I think that's how you say his last name. I don't know. He's a phenomenal businessman. But he was like, he was like, this is my, my objection. Whenever somebody says why? I just need to think about it. He was like, he was like, well, actually, what, what they're saying is like, I, he was like, oh, no, I Don't trust you. Yeah. They said, I need some time. It was like, people say, like, oh, I just need some time to think about it. He was like, but time isn't going to make you think more about it. He was like, information is. What's really happening is you need more information, but time isn't going to give you information. So since you have me in front of you right now, why don't you just ask me all the questions that you have so I can give you and that. Gina, I know that's completely.

No, it's, It's. It's. It's totally true. Because at the end of the day, it's like when someone says, yeah, I'm gonna need to think about it and talk it over. All right, well, what is it that I didn't explain or elaborate on?

Yeah.

Because if you understood everything and we're using the numbers that you gave me and by the calculations with the formula that you said is applicable to your business, then by not moving forward, you are costing yourself 8, $500 a month. So there's got to be something. I don't know if you just don't like me or if I didn't explain something or you don't understand something, but I think we need to figure it out today. And, you know, I'll say that to somebody. And because you. We've created a solution for a problem. That's what I'm here to do today. And anyway, that. That's. That's what salespeople's mindset should be. I am a problem solver. I am here to solve a problem for you. I'm going to find out what your problems are. I'm going to give you solutions for them, and there will be a return on the investment. I'm not in it. If, If, If I'm an expense, then I will shake your hand and walk away. Because I'm not here to be an expense. I'm here to be an investment and a solution. So for those of you in sales, take some notes, bro.

I honestly, I want to do maybe in the new year, and you guys can message us about this, too. Maybe in the new year, we. We can do more episodes like this, too, where it's like we're. We're actually zoning in on, not just like, single dad stuff, because single dads, like, I know one of the biggest struggles is obviously finances, right? It's one of the things that weighs the most on single dads. And so learning how to sell, learning how to market, learning how to Package. Learning how to build rapport. Learning how to add value. Right. And how to get out of a scarcity mindset. I think that would be super beneficial for any single dad. Right? Because at the same time, it's like, here's the thing, guys. I love what we do here and I love what I do, but I gotta be honest again. I'm on this whole honesty thing and being completely blunt about it. Like, I don't like living in the past as far as, like, heartbreak all the time. All the time. I just don't like it. Why? Because you're only. You only experience the past if you live in the past constantly. And so even in my coaching group, I'm hitting different things now. I'm talking about purpose. You know what I'm saying? Like, I'm talking about passion. I'm talking about how do we know if we're making the right or wrong choices? How do we get ourselves unstuck, right? How do we trust our different things? Like that. That is different from heartbreak. Why? Because heartbreak isn't it. It's not your home, so don't make it your home. And so in this podcast, I'm almost like, bro, like, I. Scott, if you're down, I'm down to like, okay, you know what? This. It's still the single dads podcast, and it's still geared for single dads. But how about we start, like, equipping single dads with things that they can go like tools, that they can go out there and not just conquer heartbreak, but conquer sales, conquer business. Right? Like conquer entrepreneurship and actual entrepreneurship, where you're not just working in the business, but you're working on the business. How do you survive when you are working in the business? You see what I'm saying? Like, all.

I totally want to go that direction. And it's like, you know, like jb, for example, man, that. Like that. That the guy's been invited to be on. On. On television twice. And yes, that's. That's huge.

And how do you leverage it? How do you. That's.

That's a whole episode. Exactly. And I'm like, I will help you, but you have to. You have to help yourself. In other words, you need to. As we've always discussed, like, if you're going to be the best at what you do, you need to be confident. You need. So if you. If he had. What are your. He's. He's told me some of his personal goals. So when you achieve this. So you need to create a program and stick to it. For three months. And then let's, you know, this is a marathon, not a sprint. But over time, when we see results after one month and two months and three months, and we look back and say, look how much progress we made just doing these little things and following these little things, you know, like pro programs and. And tweaking them as you improve in different areas and so on and so forth. And it's. It's like, that's one aspect of it. So you can show up being your best self mentally and physically, because physical. Physical health equals mental health and vice versa. And then whatever your goals are, your best self, you have the best chance of achieving those. But you have to know, like, you know, maybe he's not the best at marketing and he's not the best at understanding how to. But I've even seen some posts on Facebook recently from him, too. So, you know, so he. He's. He's. I'm already seeing him do stuff, and I haven't even talked to him.

That's so sick. See, bro, that, like, that's what I want to do. And I love that we're doing this on the podcast right now because all you men can message us on Instagram, be like, I'd like that. And if you're like, I wouldn't like that, then just check out the podcast episodes that you would like, because, yeah, I gotta feel like we're gonna do it.

And Chris Perkins, another guy, you, who. He doesn't go to the support group anymore, but he listens to the podcast. He's a donor, and he lives. We live like, a few miles from each other, and we're. I think we're having a zoom call or a phone call or something on Monday or Tuesday. He just hit me up in the app and. Or maybe DM'd me on Insta and said he wants to talk about a business he's starting. And I said, sure, I'll talk to you about it. He. I don't know if he's looking for investors or. Or what. But anyway. But yeah, I mean, people are out there and they, they, you know, they. If you're in a community of single dads, I mean, like, everybody has a wealth of knowledge in some areas.

Yeah.

And, you know, I go to Frank for marketing advice and all the time, and, you know, there's. Sorry about that.

Yeah. It's just using, like, that's why we need community, man. And that's why it's important to serve other people. Because if you serve other people, they'll like it's reciprocated, but you can't go withdraw from an that. You haven't deposited it. You just can't. I'm sorry. It's just not how it works.

You can, but it's stealing. That is very true.

Yeah. So, honestly, I'm excited about that. I'm excited about the new year. I really am. I think we're gonna hit the ground running. I believe we are. And we're gonna. I want to do a lot of episodes like that where, you know, because there's just so much beauty in like, even just, you know, your goals, you want to hit your goals. Well, it's not about your goal. It's about the standard that you set. Because you don't get your goals. You get your standards because your goals might not be aligned with the standards that you're living. So you've got to raise your standards to actually hit that goal. And that's why we often don't hit goals, because we're so focused on the goal, but we don't recognize that in order for me to hit this goal, I've got to kill the current version of me and bring to life a new version of me that has those standards that are required to achieve the goal. And then people are like, why am I not. Why can't I hit this goal? Well, it's because you're still thinking as the same old version of you, but the one that hit the version that hits that goal. That person thinks differently. That thing. That person operates differently. That person isn't moved by his emotion. He moves his emotions, right? And we start learning, okay, this. And this is why I'm not getting there. So now I can adjust, and now I can tweak it. And I think episodes like that, man, like, that's what I'm really excited about, is like, let's. Let's give ourselves and other people incredible, powerful tools that really can change our lives in the way that we experienced it in months. Because we shouldn't be living the same year year after year after year and calling it a life. That's not a life, man. It's just not. That's why. That's why we are. We live in a constant brain fog. It's because it's the same year. So, yeah, you don't have any memories because you're living the same year, bro. Like, that's why I had memories for years.

You know another thing, like, I. I'm, like, genuinely creating an iframe right now for this. This app, because I'm So, like, there's a real problem, and I don't, I don't comprehend why, but it's like people, people on LinkedIn and all, you know, they, they, they, they preach collaboration and there's all this, but when it comes down to it, man, I don't know. I, I have struggled. Like, I have talked with people, and it's like, what. I don't care what you do for a living. But you, you typically, if you, if, if you sell something, then you have a target demographic of whom you sell to, and if there's other people who sell to the same target demographic but don't compete with you in any form or fashion.

Yeah.

Why on, why on earth would you not work together to make a win, win, win for everybody? And it's like I've, I've reached out to people and I'm like, hey, you, you target life coaches, as do I. Here's the solution that I provide them. And the solution you provide them has nothing to do with what I do. But if all you benefits. But, but we're, we're, we're, we're like a, We're. We're coming at them with like, crazy solutions. And by working together, we help more people and we help ourselves. You want to work, you want to, you want to figure, work something out? Yeah, sure. Never hear from them. And it's, it's just weird, man. And so it's true.

It's true. But again, that's what I'm talking about. The standard. Who do I have to become to achieve that goal in order to become so in order to start working with other people that are in similar lanes as you, we've got to become the version of ourselves that kills off arrogance and pride and scarcity. We've got to become that person or else we'll never get there. Like, bro, you, you know this. You've seen me, dude, and it's like, this is something that I'll be on it. I'll brag about this. I don't give a damn. Why? Because that, it was hard for me to get to this place, so I earned the right to talk about it. People can take, take it as arrogance, but it's not arrogance when it, when you can back it up. It's just truth. But I'm one of the only arrogance.

But, but I will say this before you say it. Arrogance is in the delivery.

Exactly. Yeah. So I am the only coach out there currently as far as a, you know, breakup or divorce recovery, whatever coach who I publicly promote other coaches Like, I don't ask people to come and work with me. I even say it on my story, I don't really care if you work with me. I don't need your money. I just want you to get free. And this is how much I want you to get free. If you don't want to work with me and you don't trust me, you don't like my methodology, here are four other incredible coaches that you can go work with. Bro, I'm the only one that does that. I'm the only one that does that. I follow a bunch of other coaches. Nobody is sending people to other coaches. But it's because I've built this mentality where I'm like, the people that God wants me to work with are going to come to me regardless why. Because they trust my voice and they want the results that I produce. The people that end up resonating with that other person, they were meant to go work with that person. But why would I keep them stuck just because of my own selfish desire to hopefully eventually bring them in to work with me? No, no, no, no. Which that's. Actually, now that I've been doing that for, like, six months, it's actually had a positive effect where people have came and worked with me, and they're like, you know, the reason that I came with you is because I could tell that you didn't really. Like, you weren't really trying just to convince me to work with you. You just wanted me to feel better. You wanted me to get better. And I knew that whenever you started promoting these other coaches, because who does that? Who's willing to lose a potential client to somebody else just so that the client can get help? And I'm like, it's called walking in abundance. Like, true abundance.

But, man, there's people within people with integrity that are actually passionate about helping people.

Right, Stephen? I feel like I can't say that or else that'll make me seem arrogant if I said that. But you saying it is a compliment to me. You know what I mean? But if I'm like, well, the reason I did it was because I actually have integrity, unlike these other coaches. And then they're like, okay, calm down.

Well, say, I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't think that's arrogance. I. By. By saying I have. I have integrity, but because you demonstrate that, you know, I. I'm a. You know the motto I live by, show me. Don't tell me. Action over words. That's my handle for One of my insta accounts. And it's just. It's just how. How I. I've always been, man. It's like, you can. Like the. The guys that say, oh, man, I went to the gym today. I went to the. Well, you're still fat. And I'm not seeing any results. For somebody who goes to the gym five days a week and brags about how hard they worked out, I don't see any results. Yeah, you know, it's like. And I'm not. I'm not. Like, I shouldn't have said, like, you're fat, but you're out of shape because, you know, I. I've. I've had people in my life that have done that, and I'm like, all right, well, I. You go to school every day, too, and stay dumb.

This is. Okay. I like that you're bringing this up because this is why I started being honest with myself, bro. This is why I started going on that journey, bro. Like, look, it's like, we say that all the time, man. You know, I'm working out. I'm this. I'm that. But it's like, well, where's the result? No, I'm lying to myself. I'm actually not working out. I'm doing enough. But it's not a workout. Like, it's not to the point where I'm like, oh, dude. Like, I'm freaking sore and I'm not eating well and, like, all these things. So it's like. But I'm just lying to myself because it feels good to go to the gym for a little while, put in a little bit of effort and be like, oh, I'm. Yeah, I'm consistent in the gym. Like, yeah, but I'm lying to myself. That's why I'm still in the shape that I'm in, because I'm not really working out. Because if I really was working out, the results are automatic, right? Like, literally, this is. This is what I told Jonathan, our boy Jonathan, I'm being very vulnerable with you guys. I don't give a damn anymore. But I. I texted him saying. I was like. I was like, bro, I don't want to make the feeling of frustration my emotional home. And he was like, why do you feel frustrated? I was like, because I'm not. Because I'm not honest with myself. And then he just put, oof. It's, like, about what? And I said a lot of things. I just want to be honest and live honestly, like, in every area, man. Not perfect, but honest. And then, like, three Days later, I messaged him. Being honest. I was like, I'm not jacked. It's funny, I was just thinking. And I just, like, word vomited on him with my honesty. I was like, I'm not jacked because I'm lazy. That's it. I talk myself out of lifting and training more. It's not my schedule. It's not my time. It's not the stress. It's the. That I allow myself to talk myself out of it because of my schedule, my time, and my stress. This is how honest I'm trying to be with myself and face the hard reality that I'm a bitch in so many different areas because I choose to be and because I'm not honest with myself. Like, that's it. Which is. I mean, that's the beginning. The foundation of, like, transformation in any areas in our lives, I think is just pure honesty within ourselves. But I think it's just. It hurts too much for some people to be honest that, hey, I am where I am right now because of me. I'm allowing myself to be here. I am where I am with myself.

Why?

Because of me. Why. Why is. Why is my business not blowing up? You know? Well, it's because I haven't allowed myself to follow this specific blueprint. Well, why am I not good at, you know, sales right now? Well, it's because I haven't picked a book and read it and stuck to the schools that it teaches because I just haven't done that. Well, why am I still in this, like, emotional mess? Well, because I'm not putting in the effort to actually do some of the things that people in the Single Dads podcast are talking about or, you know, Dr. Carolina Leaf or Dr. Joe Dispenza. So many resources out there, but I'm not doing it. And I think when we come to the terms that I am where I am because of me really is difficult to admit, bro. But it can be extremely freeing for.

Those that are having trouble, like, you know, getting to the gym or going to the gym and actually getting good workout, or becoming a better salesperson or becoming smarter running their business or becoming just better at whatever that you want to improve in. If you invest in yourself, money monetarily, or you can find, or if you're lucky and find somebody that will work with you, maybe in a group setting or something, or find, find. But I, I have always found, like, if I, if I, if I invest, then I will do it. If I hire a trainer, I will. Or I, I will show up because there's accountability there, and it's like, you know, we are all weak and identifying your weaknesses. Like, you know, it's like if, if, if, if. If I drink too much and I can't say I'm just not going to do it, then I'm gonna go to Alcoholics Anonymous meeting or something, and that way it'll help me stop or, you know, just like, surround myself with people that are doing or not doing what you are trying to do or not do. And so sometimes it is. You have to be honest with yourself. You have to admit, okay, I've identified my problem. Here's the actions I'm going to take to fix them. Yeah. Otherwise the problem will continue, as will the problems that it's causing.

Yeah.

Or they're causing. So at the end of the day, man, you can make the excuse, I don't have the money, but I don't have time, or I don't have this. But the real reason is you're just not making it happen. You're. You're. You're spending the money on something else. You're spending the time on something else.

Yes.

And I mean, like, that's it. That's the truth. It is. It's 100. And it's like if. If I hired, like, if I wanted to become a better salesperson and I hired a sales coach, I. I get. I can. I can do it from anywhere because I can get on my phone and do a virtual sales call, and I can say, okay, here's. Here's what we worked on. Here's how I've improved. Here's what I've done differently. And you're, you know, and you'll become a better salesperson and you'll make more money, but it's just. It's like, do you want to. Are you willing to spend $10?

Yeah.

To make 50?

Yep.

Are you willing. You know.

You know. You know why what you said is so key? You said that we have to invest. It's because when you invest, you're all in before, then you're not. I don't. Yeah, you're. You're in emotionally, you're in spiritually, you're in practically. But now you're also in monetarily, financially. So you have.

You have. In my opinion, you. Until you have skin in the game.

Yep. Then treat it with anything.

You're not going to treat it like. Because it's just different, dude.

It's just. It's. It is what? It. It's exactly it. Like, you're not all in. If. If you're spending your money, where your money goes, that shows where your heart is. It's just the truth. Where your money goes, it shows where your heart is. For some of you men, your money goes all to your kids and it shows that that's where your heart is. For some of you men, your money goes towards alcohol in good times, it shows that your heart is not in alcohol in good times, but it's in you trying to feel better. So you're just numbing it. Right. But you think it's a solution, so it's like you're investing in to where is what's most important to me. When. Whenever breakthrough became most important to me, I invested into coaching groups. And most people don't do that. There's coaches out there that they're not successful. Why? Because they don't invest in other coaches to coach them. So they're hypocrites. How are you going to sit here and tell people that you need to hire me to coach you if you don't even believe in that philosophy yourself? You don't have a coach, damn it. Why would anybody pay you to be a coach? It doesn't work that way. You have to be all. All in all. And that's why you need money, bro. I sent this lady who really, really desperately, just please help me. Oh, Begging all this stuff. So I was like, okay, here you go. Here's a workshop that transforms my clients lives. Do it. I'm gonna give it to you for free. I'm not going to charge you for it. Why? Because I want to help you. But she didn't. She did. She did not invest. She did not invest. Three days later. Bro, send her a message. Hey, how's the workshop? Oh, I haven't done it yet. I think, I think I'll be able to do it this weekend. But my one on one clients that pay the most money, I don't chase them around. Hey, did you do this workshop? Did you this or that? Did you any. No, no, no. They show up on the call and they give me everything they got and then I tell them what to do and then they go out and they do it. And then I send them a message. Hey, do this workshop. And then I get messages like I did today. Hey, so I just finished the for you mindset and oh my gosh, she was like everything that used to torture me. I feel like it's empowering me right now.

Why?

Because she was all in. She paid the money. She paid the money to like be all in, right? And so it's so true, bro. What you said is so key. If you don't invest into it money, you're not going to get a return. But if you invest into it now, you're all in. That's why when you invest into a personal trainer, you're like, I have to show up. I have to show why? Because you care more about your money than you care about your time. It just is what it is. You care way more about your money than you care about your time. So you're like, I'm not going to waste my money on this, so I better show up. And then that's when you. That's when you become all in, man. It's pretty. It's beautiful.

Well, that's. That's when. That's when time becomes money. When you pay for something and you know what are you going to. Not. You're. Are you going to go spend money at the bar to not show up for something that you paid for and spend double and get. No. And get negative results? I mean, that's just not. That's. There are people that probably do that. But, dude, there was this.

There was a gentleman that I tried helping, and it's. It's so frustrating. I tried helping him for free, even, because he said that he didn't have money, but hosting at Braves games and at bars all the time on Facebook, and I'm like, you don't have money? And he went in there for free. Guess how many meetings he showed up for in a month.

Yeah, you know what? My. I historically have had a problem with being compelled to help the wrong people. And the reality of it is I was helping people that didn't. They. They wanted. They. They wanted something else. They wanted attention or. They wanted. Yeah, something. They wanted something, but it wasn't the. You know, anyway. And so, you know, now you will pay me for my time or if. If I genuinely want to help you because I believe in you, I will help you, but only when your. Your payment is results and because you're. You're either going to say, I'll say, all right, talk to me in a month when you've completed this, and then I'll help you more. Talk to me in two months when you've completed this, then I'll help you more.

But if you haven't, there's no reason for us to talk until you complete what I told you to do in the first time.

Don't even call me. Don't even.

And that's. That's how You. Exactly. You see what I'm saying? That, like, that's what we need. And it's. It's so. It sucks, bro, because, like, you know, just being completely honest, like, I just turned 30 this year, and I barely feel like I'm stepping into manhood. Like, I've been a damn boy my whole life because I've needed people to kick me in the butt to get things done instead of me being able to do it. And then I'm. I'm. I'm sitting here, right, thinking I should be able to run a family. I can't even lead myself out of the bed to do this and this and that. I can't even lead. You see what I'm saying? But we have this ex. We have this, like, thing where we've. We feel like we deserve this and women should fall all over us and. And want us when it's like, you're not even leading you yet. You're still a boy. What are you going to do? What are you going to do when the recession hits and you got a family and you got three kids and you can't get past your own emotions because you don't know how to lead yourself yet and you let it cripple you? Like, what are you going to do? That's the reality of it. We can ignore reality, and we could just sit here and be like, man, well, you're going to be okay. You're going to be okay. You're going to be okay. But the reality is we're ignoring reality. But what we can't ignore is the consequences of reality, which is you're not going to be okay when the recession hits and you're stuck in this place and you have this entire family to take care of and you haven't taken action. You're not going to be okay. It's not going to happen unless we change something, right? And for me, bro, I'm like, man, and I have so much more to grow, and I'm finding areas in my life every single day that I'm like, dude, I need to conquer this area. I got to. And no one's going to do it for me, but I will invest so someone can show me how to get there faster. Like, that's. That's. That's what it's all about. Like, when. When you pay that personal trainer, you're not paying them for their time. When someone pays you, Scott, to launch a business, they're not paying you for your time. They're paying for their result. They're paying to have a business, they're paying to have a chiseled body. And so people are like, well, how much do you charge per hour? It doesn't matter how much I charge per hour. How much. How much do you want your body? How much do you want your result? That's what you're paying for. You're not paying for that person's time. And when we keep seeing it like this, it's like we keep. We rob ourselves because it was like, well, that. That person's way too expensive. It's probably because they can get you there a lot faster, don't you think? Don't you think that they can probably get you the result that you want a lot better than the one that's a lot cheaper? It's like, you don't. You don't go and buy a Lamborghini at a Ford price.

You get what. You get what you pay for, period of the end. And for those of you who are always looking for the least expensive method, then you will learn the hard and expensive way. And, yeah, sucks to be you.

Cost you more, dude. It's so true. It cost you more. It cost you. If I hadn't invested in business coaching, guess how I can't imagine how long it would have taken me to launch my stuff, bro.

Like, but you know, you know what's funny? In a year from now, you're gonna look back at your. Where you are right this very moment and you're gonna say, I knew nothing. I knew nothing. And. And a year later, you'll say again and again and again. And I'm in my mid-40s and I still know nothing, bro.

It's like that there was one day when me and Scott were in the. The office and we were doing something about the podcast, and I was editing and I was doing all this stuff on the computer, and then I was getting it to export, and I literally get up and I was gonna go get some water. I don't know if you remember this, Scott, but I got up and I told Scott, bro, you know what's crazy? Five years ago, I had no idea about any of this. This. Not even five, three years ago, I had no idea about any of these things, right? And. But I treated myself as, I don't know anything about this. So I'm going to go and research everything that I can. And now that I've found coaching, it's like, why would I go research it? Why don't I just go hire a coach that did all the research and that can literally get Me there way quicker than I ever could, right? And so that's why it's like, dude, I want to keep growing, I want to keep expanding. I want to keep being able to have those moments, bro, where it's like, I didn't, I didn't know any of this. Like, I thought I knew something then, but I didn't know anything. Imagine how much more I, I can't wait. I can't. Whenever it like, bro, now when it comes to opposition in my life, like I kid you not, like, this is something that's like deep, deep in me now. Whenever I come across opposition position in my life now, I'm like, well, I know I don't have the answers now, but I can't wait to meet the future version of myself that does have those answers. And I'm probably going to meet him in two weeks, three weeks, a month, I don't know. But I can't wait to meet that future version of me. But in order to get there, my pride's got to die. And I have to say, I need help. Anybody who says that they don't need help and anybody who says that they've done it on their own, they are a liar. It's, it's actually, it's, it's a trauma that's called hyper independence. It's, it's, it's comes from trauma. It's where you really don't want to get let down, you really don't want to get hurt. You really care more about your own certainty and security. So you'd rather not take any risk because every single human needs other people. Everyone's standing on people's shoulders. Everybody, somebody gave you an encouraging word that didn't make you give up that day. Somebody gave you some advice that you implemented and it changed your life. Somebody, somebody, somebody did something. And so for everyone, for anybody to say, man, I'm self made. No, you're a hypocrite, dude. You're a liar. You're a liar. You're not self made. You're not self made. The only reason you'd be self made is if you're like in the pits doing absolutely nothing with your life. Why? Because then that means that you really have nobody around you. And so you are self made. And that's what self being self made gets you is isolation and loneliness. But when you, when you have the ability to say, I need people, I need people, and I don't know everything, like that's when really good start stuff starts happening. Because the Bible talks about it, man. We need the hand, and we need the other hand, and we need the arm. We need the legs, and we are the body. And some of us might be a finger, some of us might be a toenail. It doesn't matter. We need every single one of those things so that we can operate correctly together. Bro, we're going really long.

I know. I just looked at the clock. We got to shut it off.

We didn't even. I mean, we talked about the holidays, but then we talked about what you guys can expect in the future. I guess maybe this is an appetizer for what you guys can expect in 2023 for them. The Single Dads podcast.

Yeah, they probably listen. If anyone listened to all of it, it was probably over a week's time. But happy Thanksgiving, everybody, and please reach out to either one of us in the app or DM us on Instagram if you have any requests, need, anything at all, we are here and we aren't going anywhere. So thank you for tuning in. Thanks for supporting us the past year plus, and we're looking forward to 2023.