How can I motivate my teenager?

Foreign.

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Yeah, yeah. Make sure you guys do that. Jumping into today's episode, we're going to be talking about how to get our Kids out of their shell. And we're gonna probably go a couple different directions on this. We're gonna try and keep it short, sweet, to the point because all single dads and single parents have a busy, busy schedule and.

Yep.

And so we're going to keep it, try and keep it below 30 minutes for you and just keep the content heavy. So we're going to be talking about how to get our kids out of their shell and we're going to talk about it in a couple different ways. But the first way, and first of all, I just want you, Scott, just to share you had a really, really good story that happened or a good situation.

Yeah.

Event that happened this past week involving your son, which is pretty cool that it's following the episode that we had just recorded about entrepreneurship.

Entrepreneurship.

So go ahead and share that with us real quick.

This is a cool story and I hope I, I genuinely believe it'll help any parent out there. Dad or mom. I know some moms listen. But, you know, so my son's just turned 15 and, you know, you probably, if you follow us on Instagram, you've probably seen or read a quote somewhere about nobody gets anywhere, you know, doing what everyone else does. And I've kind of realized that subconsciously at least, that's kind of my son's. He. He kind of has told me in multiple occasions, well, you know, I died. You don't know every, everybody does this or nobody does that. And, you know, it's like, yeah, I, I would typically get frustrated and walk out and it's like, you know what? There's. And also I need to include. I've been kind of beating myself up lately because the fact that he's turned 15 and it's kind of like, kind of make becoming real that, yeah, you know, all of a sudden he's going to be driving in a year. But is what scared me is is the fact that, you know, I looked up about, you know, the driving school that you have to go to, at least in Texas, where we are, and realize that you have to complete driving school and have your permit for six months before you can get your driver's license, regardless of turning 16. I had no clue that wasn't like that when I was younger. But anyway, he had no clue about that and he's not going to get on and take the initiative to look up. And so had I not, like done that and, and talked to him about it, I literally, I mean, I don't think he would. I don't know. I just, it Made me realize, like, my son is not taking initiative in the areas that I know I would at that age. And that's a problem.

Well, and let's take it deeper than that. Not just that, you know, you would in that age, but in areas that, you know he's going to need in the next four years.

Yeah. I mean, I don't want him to turn 16 and not be able to have a driver's license. But, but sadly, I think very, if I didn't say or do anything, that would happen. And that's kind of what opened my eyes to where I'm gonna go with this little story. Because I've, I've allowed my son admittingly to quit. I probably talked about it in the past. If you've listened to our other episodes like he was in martial arts and he had, you know, to, to get his next belt. He was, he feared that he was going to fail. And I didn't know this but, you know, he quit and I didn't know until, you know, months after. That's, you know, he told me that's why. But anyway, my whole point is like, I just started kind of realizing all these things and I'm like, man, I've got to somehow get through to him, break that cycle. And I was just chilling one day after school last week in, in his room, and of course he was on his computer playing whatever. And I said, man, what, what would you do if you had like a thousand bucks? You couldn't spend it, you could only use it to make more money with it. And of that you could obviously do whatever you want with it.

Yeah.

And I didn't know what answer I was going to get. I was probably expecting subconsciously him, I don't know. But he spouted off real quickly. I would buy and sell accounts or account names or handles and I'm like, for what? He's like, Instagram, Twitter, social media, Minecraft.

And be honest, did part of you wish that he would have said, oh, I want to start mining Ethereum and then give you a hefty discount on it?

Well, honestly, honestly, I want to back up because I've been seeing, ironically, I saw it was on the news that like these, these teenagers, siblings in, in Plano in the Dallas area had, had been mining Ethereum. And yeah, that was local. Yeah, they were, they made like 30 odd thousand dollars a month with like the previous two months or something. So it made the news and tore me and, and it just got me thinking, like, you know, what if I were to invest in my son, maybe that's what he needs or, you know, so that's kind of where I was going. I was. I had seen some success stories. I shared them with him, hoping they'd, like, spark a fire or something.

Yeah.

And so there was a couple other stories that I read or saw or whatever. And anyway, so I was. I was pleasantly surprised when he answered the way he did. And I said, are you familiar with what sweat equity is? And he's like, no. And for those of you out there who don't know what sweat equity is, it's when you have. You're given a. A stake of a company or a partnership or x percent in a company, whether it's 50, 50 or whatever. And for your services, your work, you're. You're given that ownership, and that's typically what, like, an investor does. So I told Riley, my son, I said, hey, man, if I'm the investor, do you honestly think you can buy accounts and make money?

Yeah.

And I said, I can be the investor and you can be my partner. Sweat equity. You do all the work, I take the risk, and I put up the money. And then I explained to him, hey, dude, you know how few people get opportunities handed to them like on a silver platter? None. Like, you have to create your own opportunity these days.

Time.

And there's a lot of people his age that are doing it. I'm like, so, look, dude, you can continue to sit on the sidelines and see all these other, you know, kids that. There's not a ton, but, you know, there's the. These exceptional stories that you hear about, and whether they're influencers on social media or whatever. And I said, you can sit on the sidelines and you can. You can here, you know, watch me show you these stories and read about them and. Or you can take advantage of an opportunity that's being handed to you and maybe become one yourself.

Yeah.

A story that is a success story. And so I said, if. If you want to, you know, you can continue to be lazy and play video games and do nothing if that's your decision. But, you know, I. I said, do you want to work at Whataburger? Because his cousin, that's where his cousin works, that's 16 or 17. And he's like, no. I'm like, well, if you want to work for yourself on your own terms. Because I said, where can you buy and sell accounts from? He's like, anywhere. I'm like, that's my point. Yeah. You know, so it's like, you don't have to go and do something that you don't like. You can actually do something from wherever, whenever, however, on your terms. So think about that. Let it resonate.

Yeah.

And, and you can, you can use.

What he loved too, Right. So I was thinking about this earlier. Like, you could have so easily been like, look, son, you love playing video games, right? He's like, yeah, well, do you want a job where you're not allowed to play video games for the 8, 9 hours, 10 hours that you're there?

That's. Or I did. I did.

Yeah.

I broke it down. I was like, dude, you're gonna be. Whether I take you or you're, you get off your butt and, and do something and, and have enough money to buy a car where you take yourself. Either way, you're going to be working because you're gonna have a job. You have to. That's what happens when you turn a lot of times 15, if not even sooner. Yep. So I'm like, you're lucky you're not working right now, but I don't have time to take you to and from. So at any rate, I, I, I said, you're gonna come home from school, change, and you're gonna go to work. You're gonna be there till nine sometimes later, come home, shower, get up and do it all over again.

Yeah.

How fun does that sound?

So you broke him out of his shell by entering his shell, like, from the inside out?

Well, at this point, I didn't know if I had gotten through to him or what he was going to do if anything. But I was very, you know, like any kid, nobody wants to disappoint their dad, you know, that's like the one thing that I can really know and see if I demonstrate disappointment, it has an effect on him.

Yeah.

And he came home from school the next day and I walked in his room. He didn't like, come home and race to my office and say, look what I did, Dad. I actually walked in his room because I was still like on zoom calls until 6 or something. And so he was home a couple of hours. I walked in his room to say hi, and I saw a piece of paper, and he's like, oh, yeah, I was going to show that to you. And I looked what it is. I said, well, I tell you what, I'll be in my office, so you can come and talk to me there. So it's a more professional level and kind of, you know, get.

Yeah. Change the atmosphere.

Yeah. Make him present it to me.

Yeah.

I didn't show the excitement that I was feeling that he had actually done something. So he came in my office and why didn't you? Because.

Show that excitement.

Because I didn't know what it was. I didn't know what he was going to tell me. So I waited until all that took place and he had written out like pros and cons as to why buying Spot or Snapchat would not. Accounts would not be good or the pros and the cons. And, and I was really, really impressed. I won't go over everything, but I was really, really impressed with what he had done as far as, like demonstrated his knowledge and to how he presented it to me, looking me in the eye and, you know, saying this and you know. Yeah. So. Excuse me. And so he, he, he did such a good job. And I told him I was super proud of him and I said, now, you know, go find three accounts. He basically dwindled it down to one. And I said, go find three. And of those top three on Friday you're going to tell me why you think they're going to make money if we buy them and what our marketing strategy is and we'll go from there. But I am super proud of you. I'm, I'm, I'm speechless to be honest. Yeah, like, I'm amazing. Really proud of you, son. And so the rest of the week, he wasn't playing video games, he was doing research on accounts.

That's awesome.

And I walked in his room and I was like, do you feel kind of a, some level of excitement now because of this? And he's like, yeah. I'm like, good. You're supposed to. And we hadn't even.

And that's been massive for you too.

For, for me, it was, it was huge. It's huge because, you know, and I, and I told him. So I kept my end of the bargain and we bought an account on Friday and we used a third party broker. So, you know, at 15, I didn't know what equity was, much less sweat equity or business partnership or the things that he now knows or what a broker was, you know, how to use, you know, why there's escrow and you put your money in there and that's the safe way to do business, you know, until you get all the information that you need to get when you're buying things, such as an account. Yeah. So he had to do a lot of hours of research and figure things out and he did. And so we now own an account and I told him, keep looking and if you find another one, we'll buy it.

Yeah.

We're partners. Let's, let's go, man. And so I'll, I'll keep everyone updated as to how this goes. But man, I'm, I just, I just want to tell for everybody out there that's watching or listening for that have, you know, obviously I have teenagers and you've kind of gotten to that point where I was and you're frustrated. Yeah. Because it's like they're not into anything and it's so crucial. But you know, before they get to that 16, 17 year old. 16, 17 year age. Where, you know, lots of decisions are made, where they're, you know, drugs are coming to play and girlfriends and you know, there's just a lot of decisions in like what group you're going to run with. And it's where you can really make some life altering decisions. Both bad and very negative. And as a teen at that, When I was 16, 17, I made some very, very, very bad decisions that could have ruined my life.

Yeah.

Literally. And I've told my son those stories so he won't do the same.

Yeah.

Because I'm very blessed and fortunate, God willing, that I'm even here, much less not in debt or in prison. But you know, so I guess I just, the, you know, I, the point I want, the takeaway here is get creative with your, with your son or daughter. And somehow I felt like I had to get creative for them to get creative for him to get creative. So that's really the takeaway, man. I'm just, I'm really stoked that the outcome was what it was. And I hope that we make money, but if we don't, we're going to learn from it and we're going to buy it. We're still going to keep doing it because we're not going to stop. And I'm not. This is my opportunity to demonstrate. You don't quit, you learn and you keep going.

Yeah.

And I hope, God willing, that this is a life altering situation. That one question that I asked him, if you had a thousand dollars.

Yeah.

What would you do with it?

Yeah.

That one question. I hope to God that was a life changing.

Yeah.

You know, and I can tell this story years down the road that because of that he did this and because he did this, then, you know, I told him, I was like, dude, you want to be 20 years old being and be like, shoot, I was buying and selling accounts when I was 15.

Yeah.

And you know, and maybe your 20 year old friends are Just now trying to do something like that. Yeah. I was 15.

Or even more than that. Like, flex the fact that, man, I was able to buy my own car. I never had to ask my dad for money to take my girl on a date. I took her on a trip.

Yeah.

I mean, like, at 18 years old, I took my girl on trips. Why? Because I made money. Because I knew how to take care. Like, that's the biggest flex right there. You know what I mean? Especially at that age. But, man, that's. That's incredible, because I know that's meant. That's been weighing heavy on you for a minute now, and I think it is for any dad, right? Any single parent that is, like, seeing their kid grow up. And you're just. You're petrified of what they're gonna face on earth in this life.

Absolutely.

Right now. It's just the world is crazy. We all know that. And it's just terrifying to be, like, even just seeing where, like, the economy is going, businesses, all of this stuff, especially right now with this stupid covet thing where it's like, if you don't get a shot, you're not gonna work here.

Yeah.

And I'm just like, man, like, I want to make sure that my little girl is set for the future. And if I can't leave her set for the future, financially money wise, then let me leave something deep in her that will make her actually push through. Just like you're doing with Riley. Like, I think that's where all.

What.

All we're wanting to do. And I would. I do want to bring this up because we're talking about bringing our kids out of their shell. And you brought Riley out of his shell.

Right.

And I was listening to this one therapist. He's massive on TikTok. He's got, like, over 3 million followers. Just incredible. Incredible dude. And he was talking about how, like, one of the mistakes that we make as parents is we use what they love against them to make them do what we need them to do. And he was. He was talking about if we look at it from their perspective, if this kid hates math. And we asked them, well, why do you hate math? And they give us the BS surface. I just don't like it. No, there's a reason why you don't like it. It either makes you feel stupid and competate, like, you feel like you can't understand it. Like, what is the real. And we get to that real reason, right? He was like, now you understand why they hate it. But you know that they need it. So instead of saying, hey, if you do not do your math homework, I'm going to take away your Xbox. This is what you're telling them to do. I need you to feel incompetent. And if you don't feel incompetent, I'm going to make you feel like you're losing your freedom. Also, because the place he probably finds the most freedom is in his Xbox, hanging out with his friends. He feels cool. His KD is high, right? Kill death ratio. He feels like a God. Let's just put it that way, in those terms. He was like, so you just took away their godliness, like, their moment of feeling like God to do something that makes them feel incompetent? He was like, that's not very motivating. He was like, but what you could do is you could switch it and you could say, hey, I understand why you hate it, and I know that you love your Xbox. If you do your math homework right now, I will actually give you extra time on your Xbox. More time to feel like God. Like, using it, right? Using the thing that just gets them going to do the crappy stuff.

That's so ironic that you brought that up, dude, because seriously, I literally. That was a conversation that we had Tuesday, the day before this epiphany that I had, for lack of better term, but. But anyway, no, he's in algebra now, so I freaking hate algebra. Hated it. And anyway. But I did exactly what you just said. And I said, look, man, you get to come home and you get to do this. Well, we. We kind of have a rule now that you're only able to do this for two hours. So if you want to do it for a third hour three times a week, then I want to see an A in algebra.

That's cool.

I want to see you go. I wanted to see you take the initiative to go to tutoring. So that's something that happened that week, too. He went to tutoring on. On Thursday, had a test on Friday.

Dang, that's cool. See, that's. That's it right there. Use what. What it is that they love to, like, get them out of their shell and try new things. Also, one thing that I was gonna say is, this is something that I'm trying to do with my little girl. If she doesn't want to do something that she's afraid of, right. I tell her, I get it, and I understand. But then I tell him, like, this is what we're gonna do. We're gonna do it, and I Know that you're afraid, but I'm be here with you to do it. Right. And then after that, if you don't want to do it anymore, then you don't have to do it anymore. But you didn't stop at fear.

Yeah.

You see what I mean? It's just that one extra step, because more than likely what's going to happen is after they do the thing that they were afraid of doing, they'll feel really, really good.

Yeah, absolutely.

Yeah. And. And then even if they do feel really good, but they don't want to do it afterwards, at least they didn't give up because of fear. At least then they beat it. And then they had the choice of saying, I'm going to walk away, not because I'm scared, but because I conquered it.

That's. I'm so glad to hear that you're doing that because at the beginning of this episode, I told you that I was beating myself up for exactly that. I allowed him to not do it because I didn't make him beat fear.

Yeah.

And now I'm kind of paying the price, but, you know, hopefully, well, I'll be able to pivot around that and so will he. But, you know, it's. So that's a great example for anybody out there that's, you know, got some, you know, your kids are, you know, 12 and under, you know, or any age, really. Yeah. Honest. Make them beat fear, man. That's a. I'm really glad you brought that up because it's such a. A pivotal moment in any kid's life is to conquer fear.

Yeah.

And to, you know, to be able to achieve something, have that feeling of. Of victory or winning, like when odds were against you or whatever the case may be, you know, and that's another thing like, that I'm so happy and excited about is I know that this will lead to achieving something, you know, whether it's learning lessons or eventually making money.

Yeah.

And we set out to do something. And when he achieves that, he'll have that feeling of like. And. And I know it'll build confidence, like. Yep. Wow. I. I just did this on my own.

Yep.

And now after we split the profit 50. 50, he can start investing on his own.

Yeah.

And that's the end game here.

Yeah, exactly. To help him learn that and build that and all that. Exactly.

Man.

That's. At the end of the day, like, I. I'm doing it right now with my little girl in the smallest things possible.

And.

But it's those.

The small things.

Yeah. It's something as simple, honestly, as, like, she's afraid of the hallway where the laundry room is, but that's where I keep the water bottles. And so she's like, papa, can you give me a water bottle? And I'm like, no, baby. So I'll go by the door, I'll stand there, and I'll let her run again and then sprint right back. And I'm like, see, it wasn't so bad, right? She was like, yeah, not so bad. But it's like, just because you're afraid doesn't mean daddy's gonna do it for you. And it's been really hard because it's been the opposite of that for a long time. Because you carry that parent guilt. Right. Especially after a divorce. Anybody that's divorced probably knows, like, that parent guilt, where you just want to do everything for them to keep them happy all the time, but it's just not. It's not scalable. Your kid is not going to be able to grow up as a healthy human doing that. And I've had that realization. My girlfriend's helped me a lot with all of that, too. And. Yeah. So if you want to get your kids out of their shell, man, like, be there with them. Be their team, their team player, be their partner, help them out, Be there in those moments. Don't take it off of the weight off of them, but just be there to spot them.

Yeah. And create something for them to achieve that. That, you know, that they will somehow want to achieve it. And you know what? Yeah, what. Whatever they're into or could be into. And because initially I was. I was pushing toward. Towards the whole, hey, I'll invest in mining, cryptocurrency. But yeah, that's not what came out of his mouth. And he's like, maybe. He's like, maybe I don't want him, you know, so, yeah, anyways, and plus, that would have been expensive, I think probably.

Probably would have been really expensive.

So I probably couldn't have afforded to. To let him go that route.

So anyway, but yeah, that's going to be it for today's episode, man, I hope you guys enjoyed it. Remember, if you want one of these sexy world's best single dad mugs that you can drink whiskey out of, too, if you want to, then go to ww coach frank ortega.com, go over to the More section, hit the apparel. We got hoodies shirts, kids hoodies, kids shirts, and the. This gorgeous mug there. And so show some support for the podcast.