How to become unbothered by your co-parent.

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All right, brother. We're live, man.

What's up, everybody? We are back with another wonderful episode, and today, Frank and I really struck. No, I'm just kidding.

But we do. I mean, hey, we're human. Right.

We all struggle. And to be honest, that's kind of what we're going to be talking about today. But just to kind of start things off, today is the anniversary of my wife passing. And I'm not bringing that up to go down a road of mourning or anything of that nature, but did kind of get me thinking about certain things, and I wanted to, I guess, get people, get our listeners to think more about what is important in life.

Yeah.

And what things you take for granted. And I'll give you an example, like if. If you're arguing with your. With your ex or with your. Whomever you're dating or anyone for that matter, family. And during that argument, you get a phone call and it's a hospital or a state trooper saying that someone in, you know, someone close to you has just been in an accident and they're on their way to the hospital and wanted to let you know, that argument that you were having when you put things in perspective, how petty does that, that argument become at that point in time?

Pretty petty.

Pretty petty. And that's kind of what I want to get our listeners to think about, is that we oftentimes find ourselves lost in petty things and put. Put things into perspective and think, like, am I spending time, like, arguing about something that's really worth it? You know, when you think about, like, where we get one life and life is so precious.

Yeah.

And it can be take. We can be taken any time.

Yeah.

And we often. I think it's just human nature that we're reminded of that once in a while when, when things. Bad things do happen to people we know or when we hear about, you know, tragic things that happen on the news, whether it be a school shooting or, you know, things. Things like that, that kind of hit home. But, you know, if, if, if we can train our brains to do all the things that we do Whether it's, you know, like, becoming. Getting on a workout regimen or getting to a diet or hiring a coach.

Yeah.

You know, to help with the recovery. Divorce recovery. Just like your clients do. Right.

Yeah.

Then can't we train our brains to focus on things that matter and let things that are petty go away?

Yeah, we definitely can. We just don't. We just don't.

But we could.

Yeah, we have. We absolutely can, man. We absolutely can. And I love that you bring this up, bro, because, like, it's just so true for. For anyone that's listening, it is very, very, very true that we just take things for granted sometimes and we make things bigger than they are in the moment. And then in the grand scheme of things, we can look back and be like, that wasn't that big. Whenever those type of situations happen, when you end up losing someone or you see somebody close that lost somebody, and you start seeing, like, wow, dude, life really is precious. And what I was, like, bitter about, it's so small.

Right.

And that's not. Please hear our hearts on this. We're not trying to invalidate anybody's pain whatsoever.

No, no, not at all.

Not like. Not even a little bit. But if we choose to focus on, like, what we have right now, rather than on, like, what's going wrong and what's missing and how people. And place all these expectations on people. If we train ourselves to do that, we'll be a lot more appreciative of the people that are in our lives and the things that we do have in our lives, so we'll stop taking those things for granted. And it's a training process.

Absolutely.

It's. Bro, it's. It's no different than learning how to drive a car. You just have to choose.

Yeah.

Or a bike. You just have to choose to do that daily and. And catch yourself daily repetition. Exactly. And I. Because I think. I think for a lot of us. I know for me personally, I'll speak on. On my behalf is I missed a lot of good moments with my little girl because I made the whole divorce thing such a huge thing. Such a huge thing in my life, which. Which is a huge thing in people's lives. But it. If you're there right now, what do you want to choose to make out of it? And if it's costing you all these other areas in your life and you had the perspective of today, what if today was my last day? Would I be treating it this way, or would I not let it impact me in a negative way and instead focus on these other areas and let it move me into a positive way into, like, a good interaction with another person.

Yeah, absolutely. I. You can even create fictitious mindsets to help. To help you along. I mean, for real, you know what I do sometimes I buy a lottery ticket, obviously. Well, I shouldn't say obviously, but I don't. I don't buy one, like, every lottery.

Yeah.

Because I know I'm, you know, I'm throwing however many dollars I decide to spend that day on lottery down the drain.

Yeah.

But at the same time.

But if you're believing for it and you're listening to it, then.

Well, you know what? You know what I do? You know why I do it? Because it'll.

It.

I can't pretend and think about the what if. If, you know, I can't think about what if I win if I don't give myself a chance.

Yeah. You know, can't even entertain it.

Exactly. And I. I enjoy. So, like, it's cool. Like, I'm cool with spending 12 bucks or what, whatever. 15 or whatever I have in my pocket that I'm willing to throw away that day, but I'm willing to spend it so I can think about for that night or the next 24 hours or whenever the. The drawing is or that, like, what.

Would it feel like?

You know, like, who would I help? You know, what would I do first? And you might make fun of me for this, but I've thought about, like, I might. You know, there's a couple friends of mine or buddies of mine that are on the fence sometimes. Like, would I toss them a million if I want a billion? Yeah. And I'm like, I'd pick up the phone and I'd call him and be like, hey, man, I need a favor. I just think of a favor, and if they do it, if they do it, guess what? You just made a $1.8 million favor.

Yeah.

But if you have an excuse as to why you can't help a brother out, you just lost it. You just lost a couple million dollars.

I love that.

So that's what I pay 12 bucks for.

Yeah.

8 bucks or whatever it is.

But, bro, even with that silly example, right? Even with that, which is not that silly. It's pretty dope. That should just show everyone. If Scott ever asks you for a favor, just do it. You never know. But even that. Anyone, like, think about it. If you. If they knew, hey, Scott might give me a million dollars if I help him out, their perspective on get doing a favor changes their attitude towards it. Changes because there is now a possibility of an outcome. You know what I mean?

Exactly.

Just entertaining that idea changes the way you show up.

Right. Which is why it works in so many different ways. And that's why, for me, buying a lottery ticket allows me to have a perspective on who would I help out, how would I help out?

Yeah.

Who would I mess with? Yeah.

Just.

Yeah. And I guess that's how diabolical I think.

No, but it's. It's so true. And like, that's why even on the show, you guys have probably noticed that there's sometimes where I get a little intense and I go in, like, really, really hard sometimes until, you know, Scott's had to ask me to relax a little bit sometimes. But this is. This is why. It's because this has been my perspective on life for a minute now. It is. I don't know if we're going to shoot another show. Another episode is not guaranteed.

Nope.

So why the hell would I hold back from you? Why would I wait till next week to potentially give you something that I could give you today that I know might genuinely change your life? How selfish is that of me? Same thing with my little girl. I do not know. I'm gonna meet the teacher tonight. I do not know if that'll be the last meet the teacher that I go to.

But you don't think that way.

Me? Well, I do now.

Typically, people don't think that way, which is why we're talking about it.

Exactly. So that we can think. Because all it is is choosing to think that way when you're going to pick them up and you know, you're gonna see your ex wife, you know the outcome. That always happens. You know, how she talks to you, you know, all of that stuff. Just think about it. What if this was the last time I was going to pick him up? What I want that what I want whatever she says or he says to really put me in a mood. And then now it takes me hours to get happy and joyful and peaceful again and get into this blissful place so that I can actually enjoy my kid. Or do I just want to listen, be like, hey, you know, I'm sorry you feel that way. Honestly, I just want to have a good time with them so we can talk about this later. And you walk away with your kids. It's a. You. You have such a different attitude when you choose to think that way over and over again. And the more you choose it, the more habitual it becomes. And the more you show up that way daily Exactly.

And for anybody out there who can. Can honestly say to themselves and. Or a friend or anybody for that matter, that if today were my last day.

Yeah.

If I didn't wake up tomorrow, would I be happy with my legacy or would I be happy with how I left things with my kids?

Yeah.

My ex, my friends, my parents, whomever it is that is in your life that is special and you care about.

Yeah.

And because nobody else matters.

Yep.

Can you honestly say I'm. I'm good. I'm good with the way things are. I'm good with the way I am right now? I am. I'm. I'm good with the way I am mentally. I'm good with. With the way I am physically.

Yeah.

And I'm someone that my kids can look up to and be proud of.

Yeah.

You know. You know, can you say that?

Yeah. Even. Even if you messed up for years.

Yeah, exactly.

Even if you messed up for years. Like, what if today was the day. Today was the day that you decided and you said, no more. I'm turning things around. And your kid gets to look at you and say, man, you know, my dad, my pops went through a lot of stuff. But I remember there was this one day, he just. He showed up differently.

Yeah.

He was not the same guy anymore. He was strong. Right. He was all that masculine stuff. He was like a dude's dude. But he was also soft and kind and peaceful, and he didn't have to try and demonstrate this fake alpha, like, you know what I mean? Facade of, like, being this dude. But no, he could actually talk to me. He could. Real strength, real vulnerability.

Like, it's funny you bring that up because that. That lately. I know we didn't have a support group last week, but. Well, I don't know when this is going to air, but anyway, lately in the support groups we have, it's been brought up that p. There's a lot of guys that. That. That label themselves as, you know, alpha males or a type A personalities. Yeah. And it was funny because one guy was like, it's funny. So many of you guys label yourselves type A, but I'm. I'm type B, straight up. I. I'm not. I'm not ashamed of it. It's just who I am.

It's pretty alpha.

And I. I kind of thought so.

Yeah.

But. And then he goes and calls out some type A or, you know, people that were calling themselves type A, and he's like, bro, you're. You're not type A because you wouldn't be Saying and doing this. Yeah, you know, it was kind of funny. Yeah, but. And he knows who he is if he's listening. But, but at the end of the day, he is a type B with some type A ish. And you know, I guess to be able to do that. But I just thought it was funny because a lot of guys do label themselves that way. And I often wonder, is it a facade? Is it, are you labeling yourself that way so you can lean on that is a reason as to why you acted a certain way or didn't act a certain way or so on.

Yeah.

And it's, it's, it's, it's, you know, I, I don't judge anybody in our support groups and I, in fact, nobody gets judged. That's why we're there. And it's, it's just interesting though, you know, that if you come, come honest because you'll get called out.

I mean, that's what it's for. That's how, that's the only way iron sharpens iron is by some clinking. Right. Smashing those together. But yeah, bro, even with like the whole alpha thing, bro, I'm just saying, if you're, if you're, if you're putting down a woman, even if that woman hurt you, you know, I'm sorry, you're not an alpha male. You're not an alpha male. If you're, if you're putting down another dude also constantly, I get it. In the moment you walk into some frustration, you operate out of that emotion. But if you need that to feel good about yourself and, and give yourself some motivation, like to me, that's not alpha. I'm sorry, you're, you're just not a man's man in my opinion. Because like one of my clients did the manliest thing this week, bro. He called his ex father in law and he apologized.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

I told you about this. And I want you guys to listen to this real quick. He literally called and apologized because he owned his side of things instead of doing what little kids do. Okay, this is a good sign if you're an alpha or not. If, if you, if you blame like little kids do, everybody else. Everybody else is the problem. Every. You're failing because of everybody else. Yeah. Check yourself. Okay, that's not, that's not alpha. This dude took full responsibility of his side. He didn't say she didn't do anything wrong. He didn't say she showed up perfectly. But what he said is, this is where I fell short. And he apologized to the father in law for that, because that's all he can own. I can't own what she did. I can own the way I showed up. And he called him and apologized, and guess how much freedom. I mean, that dude experienced so much freedom in his own heart. To me, that's a man's man.

Absolutely.

That's a man. Somebody that's willing to say, bro, I am deeply, deeply sorry for the way I showed up. Regardless of what anybody else did, I'm deeply sorry of the way I showed up. And you own it.

I was literally just. Just talking about that with a friend. A friend that I've literally known more years than. Well, since I've. Since I. Before I had my driver's license, put it that way, so. A long freaking time.

Yeah.

Right. And so we know each other well. And he was. He was saying. Yeah. He goes, we're just joking around. He's like, yeah. A lot of people, I've heard him say, oh, Scott's this or that. I'm trying not to curse, but. And I said, you know what? I. I've had my moments. We all do. But, yeah, sometimes you catch me at the wrong time. Whatever's been bothering me about you, you'll. You're gonna hear about it, you know, and. But, yeah, I always come. I'll turn around and come and come back, correct and say, look, I shouldn't have done that. I shouldn't have said that.

It's my bad.

It was 100 on me. I apologize. And it's not just friends. I do it with anyone. Yeah. My significant other. If. If that happens, I will literally, even if it's three minutes or four minutes later, because it's just something that you kind of have to do to make a relationship work. Any kind of relationship.

Yeah.

And, you know, I.

If you.

If you lie and you just say, I just lied to someone. No, that didn't happen.

Yeah.

Own up to it. Fess up to it.

Yeah.

Just another thing that, you know, I've trained my brain to do.

Yeah, but. But that. See, that's what I'm saying. When you have the perspective of, what if this is my last day? You'll show up. That way, you'll naturally show up because you don't want to leave that dirty. Like. Like, you don't want somebody coming to, like, you know, your funeral and being like, dude, the last experience I had with this fool was him. This. I'm saying, like, no, I want it to be good. I want it to be good. At least I want a piece. Feel Peace in my heart, to liberate me.

That's what it's all about.

Exactly.

And if you care about having peace in your heart, then you will.

Yeah.

Do those, do those sorts of things.

Yeah, exactly. You'll just, you'll move differently.

So think about, oh, I'm an alpha male, you know, I'm gonna own up. I, I don't think that way.

Yeah, you just show up.

I just do what I feel. I, If I made a mistake, yeah, I need to make it right.

And the best thing about that, bro, is that it kills your ego a little bit. And your ego does nothing more than hold you back.

Exactly.

It literally, your, your ego tries to save you from rejection, from failure, from all the. That's all your ego does. It's trying to protect you from the world. And so if you're always operating out of ego, you're just sheltered, you're walled up, you're guarded. And I'm sorry. Like, that's just not a way to live. I mean, if you want to choose to live that way, you can, but it's not freeing. You're not going to enjoy your kids the way you want. You're not going to have the relationship with your kids you want to. You're not going to have the intimate relationship you want to have because the ego's stealing it from you.

You're you. You may try to seem open minded and try to seem like, yeah, I care, but at the end of the day, your, your ego is. Yeah, exactly what it is. It's an ego.

Yeah, exactly. So today, men, like, let's choose. And ladies, the ladies that are, the 19 of our listeners that are. That are fe. Let's choose to have the focus of man, I might not get tomorrow. I might not even get to shake this person's hand again. I might not even get to say bye to my parents again. I might not even get to say bye to hang out with my kids again. So what kind of experience do I want to create and be intentional? Be intentional about it. And I'm telling you, our lives will change. They'll look so different. It'll look so different. What kind of unforgiveness do you want to let go of? Which person do you want to finally just tell them, like, look, dude, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I want to kill that mess. Yeah, I want to kill that mess. Because if I'm being honest, putting the ego aside, I actually miss you, dude.

Totally.

You know what I'm saying?

100%. And one thing I. I also wanted to say. I meant to say earlier. So before we wrap up.

Yeah.

Wrap it up for this. For. For anybody out there, and a couple people I've mentored in the recent past would often say, it can't get any worse. And I just want anyone that ever has that thought process to suppress it, make it go away. Because I'm here to tell you it can and it will get worse. It can always get worse. Always. If you think you're at the bottom of the bottomless pit, you're not.

If you only have one leg, you cannot have two legs. If you don't have two legs, you could have no legs and no arm. It could just keep getting worse and worse and worse.

And if. If you think that way, that means you're not thinking in the way you should be, which is being thankful for what you have.

Yeah. Br.

Instead of, oh, things can't get any worse because of that. That mindset. You literally think that I have nothing because I have nothing else to lose.

Yeah. And you make them worse. That's. That's what's crazy. You're like, it can't get any worse than this. And then you make it worse.

You make it worse. And so you make that freaking attitude.

That fear, and that thought process literally creates the worst and the worst and the worst and the worst for you.

So I. I hope our fresh perspective helps you all out there and apply it to your situation and situation scenarios, people in your life, and we will see you next time. Thanks for tuning in.