How to handle your kid's coming back from your ex's house.

Hey, you're listening to the Single Dads podcast, a podcast for single dads by single dads. In this podcast, you're going to be encouraged and hopefully given some practical tools to be able to become the parent that you've always wanted to be and that you know you can be. Hopefully, this podcast encourages you. Make sure that you download the Single Dads podcast app to join our community. Hope you enjoy the show.

Jump straight into it. Hey, guys. Welcome back to the podcast, man. I don't know if you noticed, if you listen to our episode on Spotify. We've got video episodes on Spotify now, which I think is just so sexy.

It's dope. They just. They just integrated that like a month or two ago. Yeah, it's recent.

Well, I know Joe Rogan has been doing it whenever he made the switch from YouTube, and I wonder if that's what kind of opened it up for everyone to where that Joe Rogan was like, I have.

Nobody really knows who he is.

Nobody listens to Joe Rogan. So it's cool, man. If you want to watch the video portion of it, which. Why. Why the heck not? Why would you not want to? Look at our not so clean setup. A lot of cables everywhere and this super sexy background. Look at that thing, man. Good Lord, man.

Sometimes, like, if I listen to a podcast, if you've never seen the people that you're listening to or person, you. You create this image. Right.

It's true.

And. And then sometimes you're, like, mega disappointed when you see who it is. Like, man, she sounded so odd.

Yeah, well, I mean, I'm not trying to get any of our viewers to think we're hot because it's single dads. Not applicable here. Not applicable.

Well put, man. We're.

We're stoked about this episode. We're specifically covering this episode based off of a topic request that came through the app. If you have not downloaded the app yet, go ahead and download that app. And also, Scott's been telling me that support groups have been going incredible. I gotta be honest, I've. I've been resting on Monday nights. The other day, Scott messaged me and he was like, hey, man, wanna run some things across you?

Whatever.

He was like, let me know when you're free. All I did was screen him screenshot the. A picture of my. My schedule that day based off of calls, and I literally talked to people for 10 hours. So I was done.

So. So did I. But. But I didn't make any money.

Yeah. So who's this?

Who's the smart one here. That's true.

So I'm sorry, man. I wasn't able to join, but I love being here with you guys, and I am going to be in those. In those groups. I just talked to Scott today, switching some stuff around with my schedule to free myself up more, to make my. Give myself a little bit more capacity. And it's all because I want to be involved more in. In your lives. I want to be more involved in my little girl's live. I want to be more involved in my life, for crying out loud.

Yeah. And. And the cool thing is these. These groups, we haven't had, like, a. Like a crazy turnout where we've had, like, 10, 15, 20 people, I think. I think like, maybe nine or potentially 10 was, like, the max one week. But nobody's really asked, like, where's Frank?

Cool.

No, I'm kidding. No, they. They've been like, that's what. Man. I actually. And just FYI, I know some of you guys have, like, popped in late and stuff, and I was, like, saying, you know, I'm not gonna let you in if you show up late. But I let everyone in. And, yeah, we ended up going, like, literally two hours last. Last time it was. But it. Everyone was engaged. Everyone. I don't know, man. Like, there's. There's a hand. Like, Trevor, Jay, Miguel had Edward join us there. It's like there's like, a little crew of regulars that are showing up every week, and then maybe a couple of new ones, which is cool, but, man, it's just. There's so many layers to everybody, so you never run out of things to talk about. And it's. It's. It's. It's therapeutic. It's. It's. It's enjoyable. It's almost addictive to some extent, because it's like you enjoy, like.

Yeah.

You know, not only getting things off your chest and supporting, but just as. As Jay so eloquently put it, like, just to. To know that there are other people out there with the same struggles.

Yeah, man.

Just makes you feel, like, better, you know? So.

So sick. I mean, that, bro, that's been the. The vision. Yeah, that's literally been the vision from almost a year ago, I think, in July. Almost a year ago in July when we started the podcast. It's just. We want people to know you're not the only one. And even sometimes just knowing that, it's like, man, you know, you can start bouncing things off of each other, or you can see how one. One guy Right. Has been progressing and they have the same situation, which gives you that hope and that encouragement of I can, if he did it, I can do it. You know what I'm saying? And if he's not giving up, I'm not giving up. That's why it's so key to work out with a gym partner, man, because you push each other. You get that one more rep, you get those two more reps. You know, it's the same thing in here. So that's, that's awesome, man. That's awesome that the support group is going so incredible.

And just while it's on my mind, because I'll probably forget to message you, but Jay and you, you, you shared, shared something in the app, which I appreciate and I accidentally deleted it, man. I'm sorry.

We're working on a feature.

So if you don't mind, just, I don't know, rewrite something cool. Again, I'm really sorry. Anyway, moving on. Yeah.

So today's subject is going to be a relatively short one, but it's been, it's been, it's been brought to our attention that somebody wants us to talk about just some quick advice, some help, some encouragement on, you know, our kids transitioning from home to home. And I told Scott, I was like, this might be really cool to chat about because he has a different type obviously of situation where his son usually goes to his grandma's house for like a week at a time or two weeks sometimes. And then there's probably an adjustment coming back. Right. So if you are a widowed parent and you are going through, you know, certain transitions like that, where they go off with a certain family member, things like that, Scott's gonna be able to give some insight to that. But I think it all, it all stems from probably the same exact thing. And it's just that transition's hard for every single human. I mean, humans will literally do more to avoid change than anything else because change just is not comfortable. Right. And it's the same thing for kids now. There is things that we can make it to where we make it like a lot easier for them and that's, that's going to be relative to every family and every kid. But the thing is, routines like have some sort of specific. I'm going to use this term, I only know it from the fish keeping community, but acclimate your kids, right, to coming back home type deal. Have those type of routines.

Yeah, Like I was just thinking about this before, like whether you like you're in a co parenting situation or A unique situation like mine make like, like when my son comes home because he doesn't have siblings, you know, it's like he comes home from having his, you know, cousins and like, friends, you know, that he's, you know, made with, you know, his, his family or family on his mom's side that he sees when he goes over there. Right. And so when he comes back, it's like, I mean, he's even told me. It's like. Yeah. It's just. It's not that I don't love you, dad. It's just I come back to like, nothing. Yeah. So. And I understand that we're talking about probably a scenario that's. That's unique, more so to a few people than the. The masses. So from a co parenting perspective, if you and your significant other are ex. Ex just X, if you and your ex can each like, kind of like put, you know, talk to each other about this and, and, and figure out, like, all right, words of encouragement when you're leaving moms and coming back to dads. Like, if, if you can say, hey, isn't that, you know, when you get back to dad, you always have this and, you know, and have something that's like, what. You know, whatever is special to you and your child or children, you know, that they can look forward to. If you don't have something, create something. Yeah. And then talk to your, you know, your co parent and kind of work with each other so when they go away from you.

Yeah.

You can sit and get, you know, say, hey, you know, remember every time you go over to your mom's house, you get to do this.

Yeah.

And. And vice versa. And I was just thinking about that, you know, that just doing something like that creates like a level of excitement to overshadow the sadness.

Yeah.

Of the change or the turmoil.

Yeah. Of just the, the transition. Right. Because it's not like something bad's happening, but it's just transitioning.

Yeah. It's transitioning. It's you. It's just change you get. Whether it's a weekend, a long weekend, or.

Or like today I'm gonna get my little girl for like five hours. That's it. Still transition. Right. But here's. Here's a hack that I want to teach us men and ladies, if you're listening, okay. It's all about our emotional state. Okay. Everything that we experience. Life is about your emotional state. And we've. And I can prove it to you because if you're in a great mood and your kid drops and shatters a glass, your reaction will be way different than if you are in a frustrated mood. If you're in a frustrated state, Straight state. I can't talk right now. If you're in a frustrated state, your reaction is more like, what are you doing? Like, what? What happened? Da, da, da, whatever. And you might react in a different way, but. But if you're in a more of a calm, peaceful, playful state, your reaction is probably more like, oh, my God, are you okay? And then they're like, yeah, yeah, I'm okay. And they're. They might even cry because of the sound. Whatever. And they're like, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. And your reaction will probably be like, no, it's okay, it's okay. It's just a piece of glass. Don't worry about it. It's just. We'll buy another one compared to if you're ticked off, right? So it's all about states. That's what I'm trying to get to. So your kid, for example, my little girl, when I notice her not in a good state, I know, I gotta, I gotta get her. Her mouth moving, her lungs capacity exploding, and her body moving. Because the number one way you can change your emotional state is with a radical movement, right? Tony Robbins taught me this. And it's. It works so well. Now. You can't tell your kid that, hey, man, you gotta do a radical movement, right? No, they're gonna be like, dad, what are you talking about? I'm six, right? But when I was younger and my little girl was younger, I noticed that I would kind of do this naturally. I would. We call it breaking the pattern, right? I do this with clients as well.

Breaking the cycle.

I don't tickle my clients because that's what I'm about to say that I do.

My little.

Used to do with my little girl. But I do. I'll use like, I'll use vulgar words in a humorous, impactful, hard way that makes them kind of snap out of the pattern emotional state that they're in. And it'll make them laugh. And now I got them back to where I want them so we can do work, right? It's the same thing with my little girl. I used to tickle her when she was in a bad mood and I would just be ridiculous. And then I would get her laughing. Now, what was once a problem is not that big of an issue. Now when I pick her up from school, depending on what state she's in, I will put on right now the Turning Red Disney soundtrack. Because she's all about it. And it starts off, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, right? And then immediately I just see her face start to shift. And what I do is I don't give a crap what anybody around me thinks. So I start fist pumping. Bump, bump, right? And then I start singing the song and pointing to her when it's like a different part to get her involved in like five, not even five minutes, man. Like in a minute, she's interacting with me, she's dancing along with me, she's singing along. I got her body moving, I got her voice moving. And now she's in a different emotional state. So now the transition is a lot easier as where before it'd be more of like, come on, come on. You know, that's.

That. That's a bad. Really? Really? I was. I was about to say badass. No, no, that's just gonna say it anyways.

I was about to say. What I'm about to say right now.

Is a phenomenal example because I was thinking, like, give an example that works for 2 year olds and 8 year olds and 12 year olds and. And that works for all ages, whether they can talk. Because it's just like the. Whatever song music is. Like, any. Any kid of any age can pick up on the.

Yeah.

You know, what's going on and, you know, assuming they can hear and then, you know, it works. Yes. So that's. That's a great example. That, that kind of covers everything, man.

Yeah. Yeah. It's all right.

That was a great episode.

No, it really is a great hack. But here's the way it works. It only works if you hack yourself first, right? Because they're going to match your energy. They're going to match what you're bringing to the table. And this, this is what I tell all my 1% men. You're the king of this freaking castle. If you want to have a good time, your castle's having a good time regardless. And if not, get off the party bus. Okay. You can hop on at the next stop, right? That's how I am with my mom, with my dad, with my little girl, with usually anyone that I'm around. If I'm like, if I'm trying to be like, in a good mood, we're going to be in a good mood. Like, I'm sorry, you know, like, that's just it. And so with my little girl, it's the same way, man. Like, I get into a great mood and. Because there's sometimes where she's just. She's 10 now. So she's starting to cop a little attitude and this and that, you know? So I've got to play. Yeah. I've got to dig harder and play harder and not be perturbed by her. Right. Don't meet. Meet that energy to eventually get her to come over onto my side and show her like, hey, this is fun. Like, there was one time where I had to break her with Nerf guns, man. Like, I pulled. She would not break and would not break. And so I was like, okay, you know what? And I brought out a Nerf gun. And I'm like, this attitude ends or you end now. And I started firing away. Guess what happened? The attitude ended without her having a chance. You know what I'm saying?

That's awesome. And it literally comes back to self awareness.

Yeah.

And like realizing, okay, put yourself in check. And because it have. We're human. And whatever kind of mood we're in, if we're in that agitated mood from a long day at work or whatever the case, you know, it's like that one little straw that broke the camel's back. Yeah. That pushes you over the edge to, like, you know, be a total a hole or bring that. That. That negative energy to anyone that's around you. Yeah. And so, yeah. You know, when you're especially making the transition with. With your child or children, then you have to be so, you know, self aware, like, how am I feeling? And because my. My child's going to pick up on it immediately. Yeah. You know? Yeah.

I. I have this example, bro, and this is going to sound ridiculous, but I want to use it anyways.

Okay.

Don't let your kid be a taco. Let me explain it. Okay? Let me explain. Every other food that we, yes or no, we bring it to us. We adjust it to where we're at. Every food.

But you go to a taco.

But to a taco. Yes or no, bro? This is what you do. Yes or no. Literally, you start tilting your head to try and get the taco in at the right angle. You see what I mean? You start moving towards the taco. So don't let your kid be a taco. That dictates how you move to them. You bring them to you, man.

Where did you hear that?

Dude, I just observed it one day.

And I felt the Holy Spirit speak that up.

I'm sorry. Serious? But is that not true?

It's funny, man. It is true. It is true.

But it's like, that's the same thing. Like, if you see your little girl or your little Boy. And they're just kind of, like, down and out. Don't meet them. Don't meet them with the same, like, man, like, come on, just talk to me about what's going on. Just talk to me. No, get them in a great state, and then you can do work. Then they. Then you can talk about what's going on, because they'll talk about it differently.

They'll.

They'll have a different outlook on it, because now they're in a good place. It's like, if you went and you got a bad haircut, if you're having a bad day and you get a bad haircut, life sucks. And you're like, this is the worst thing that could have ever happened. You want to, like, sue the barber, right? But if you're having a great day and you get a bad haircut, you're still ticked about the bad haircut, but you're like, dang it, man, it'll grow back. I'm just gonna wear a hat. I'm gonna go get a more than a conqueror hat from coach Frank Ortega, and I'm just gonna rock it for right now. You know what I'm saying? Like, it's just. It's all about our emotional state, and.

If it doesn't grow back, then we got.

Then we got a whole nother problem.

I don't wish we're not gonna go.

To an enemy, but, yeah, that's. That's what I wanted to share. I hope it did help everyone and encouraged you, and I hope it puts you in a good mood. Hopefully you're feeding off of our energy right now. And just remember, you are the king of your castle. How do you want to experience today? I have this new term that I started adapting into my life, and I'm using it a lot now. I think Mike Tyson said that life happens on its terms, and then I've kind of. I kind of added to it. I was like, yes, life happens on its terms, but we get to experience life on our terms by the perspective that we choose every single day and by the outlook that we choose to channel our focus to every single day. So, yes, right now, life might be happening on its terms to you, but just know that you get to experience it but on your terms, and you can make that shift right now, man, to say, you know what? Eff it, I'm going to have a good day because I want to have a good day. That's what's going to happen.

So true. You. You literally, you. You can make the decision before you go to bed at night, literally that tomorrow I'm going to wake up. Yeah, I've got. I've got my. This dope outfit laid out and I'm gonna rock. After I hit the gym and from there I'm gonna go do this. And, man, I'm gonna kill it tomorrow. I'm gonna crush. I've got this meeting or I've got four new clients or I've got clients, whatever. Yeah, you can mentally tell your prepare yourself to, like, kill it the next day.

Yeah, it's very true.

And it'll also probably allow you to sleep better. Not probably. It will allow you to sleep better. And just a proven fact that, like, if you go to bed at night and you're, like, already thinking, like, tomorrow's gonna suck, I've got this. You can change that with your mindset before you go to bed.

It's called neuroplasticity. There's actual science behind it.

Neuroplasticity. Google it. I don't want to hear Frank talk about it anymore. Golly, no, but it's true. It's all fact. And it's just like we say. We say the word awareness often on this show, but, like, just self awareness. Like, how. What is my mental state like?

Yeah.

And you know when. Like Monday nights after our support groups. Like, man, I'm always in a good freaking mood.

Yeah.

And so it's usually been a long day. And it's. It's a great way to cap off a Monday of all days. And it's like, you know, it's like, have a great week, guys. And, you know, it's like, I don't know, man. I've just. The support group and we've only had it for, I think four. Four times now. But I don't know, man. It has made. It has impacted me, so I know it has impacted everyone who has attended and. Yeah. So if you haven't, please attend. Check it out. And all of you who have, please come back because I. I really like you.

That's going to be it for today, guys. Hope you have a blessed day. Remember, you get to experience life on your terms. So choose how you want to experience it today and make that transition with your kids an incredible one. And you've got way more control over things than you think you do. At least the illusion of control, man. So grab life and just grab it by the horns and submit it.

Make it happen. Have a phenomenal weekend. I'll see you guys on Monday night.