How to Help Kids Feel Secure and Come to You for Help

Hey, single dads. Welcome back to another episode of the Single Dads podcast. Hope you guys are having an incredible week so far. Hope. Hope you guys enjoyed the last episode. We did. I. I really liked it, man. I felt. I felt like. I. I just. I want to talk about more things like that with you, bro. Like, because I think that's. That's, like, so crucial to us just becoming better versions of myself. And I mean, we all know the saying, right? Like, if you're not growing, you're dying.

You're dying.

Yeah. If your business isn't growing, it's dying. If your relationship's not growing, it's dying. If a tree isn't growing, it's dying. And so what about the tree.

What about the trees that are already grown and they're just pretty and they're staying there?

I think they're still growing. I think so. I have these trees in my backyard that I've been wanting to cut. Cut off, and it's because the branches keep falling off of them, and I think it's because they're dying. I think it's because they stopped growing.

I don't know. After the freeze, Mageddon we had. I. I had to. I lost seven beautiful, fully grown trees, man, and it sucked. But they were done growing. But they sure looked pretty. So I guess. I guess they allowed me to grow because I looked at it and I thought, wow, I want to grow to be like them. Yeah. Be one with nature. No, but, yeah. No, you're. You're 100 right in saying that if. If you're not growing, improving in some aspect in life, hopefully it's multiple aspects, then, yes, you are moving in the other direction. So that's why we discussed, you know, putting systems into place and. As opposed to just goals and. Yeah, I like that episode too. I hope everyone got something out of it. Something. And what are we going to talk about today? Man?

Man, I want to hit on. Scott. Found this really powerful article, and there's some really good points in here that I believe both of us have really been striving towards. And honestly, we kind of covered a little bit of these, but I just like that it's like more systemized again. Systems, standards, systems from. From last week. And it's literally the title of the article is, I talked to 70 parents who raised highly successful kids. Here's the number one parenting style they used. And I mean, if that doesn't get you to be like, huh, I kind of want to try this. I want to see what this is all about that, I don't know what will. Because I want to raise a successful kid.

It reeled me right in, man. Obviously.

Yeah.

So after I read it, I, I was like, Frank, if, if, you know, we don't have to go over this whole article, but there's some, definitely some things in here worth talking about that I think we should encourage everybody, all the single dads out there that, that we talk to every week and let them know, like, you're doing a good job, and we all are. If you're listening to this, it's because you want to continue doing a good job or you're looking for ways to do a better job, or you're looking for voids that you need to feel, fill and feel. And I think this article kind of covers a lot of those things for, for just about anybody. And so, like, I don't, I don't have the article in front of me, but just going off a memory. I know one, one of the, one of the things mentioned is like, you know, how not to be so one way with your kids as far as, like, you know, let your kids make decisions. And I know, well, my kid's 4 years old. He's not, he or she's not going to make their own decisions. I get that. However, there are. It doesn't matter what age your, your child or children are. It matters how you allow them to do things. And it's not, you know, Even when they're 4, 5, 6 and younger, you know, it's like there will, you know, come times where, you know, if, if little Johnny doesn't want to play soccer and he wants to play tea ball or doesn't want to do either because he's not interested and he wants to wear makeup. You know, I don't, I don't know if I want to go down that rabbit hole. But my point is, is, is, is that let your kids, you know, be.

Be.

Find out what, what makes them tick. And you can find out what makes them tick by kind of not just, you know, being the authoritative authoritarian figure of like, hey, this is what you're going to do because your dad did it, you know, or this is what you're going to do because I did it as a mom. And, and like, you know, there's a lot of dads out there that, that are very, you know, if they were in the military, then, you know, you're going to be in the military or if they were, maybe have a family business, they want you to also learn the family business. And that's not always what, you know, the direction you should kind of force your, I don't think you should force your kids in any, any direction. But if they want to do that because they decide that it's interesting and they've tried other things, then by all means support it. But I think it's healthy to let your kids be selective in, in, you know, whether it's hobbies or, you know, depending on, again, on the age, but you know, what their first job may be or just really a lot of, I guess any decisions that a lot of parents make for their kids, when the kids should have the opportunity to make those decisions themselves, make sense.

Yeah, yeah, I, I, I agree that we need, we need to be able to. And I think for me at least, I just want to speak from like my personal life with my little girl. It's like there's some decisions that obviously she cannot make and she's not going to make not until she hits a certain age. Right.

For sure, for sure.

But then there's also other, other stuff that I want her to make tough decisions and I want to see because I want to see how she makes decisions. And it kind of takes us back to Kimball Lewis's episode, if anyone remembers that, where the, the child behavior expert, how he was saying that when kids get frustrated and they start throwing like these fits and they get emotional and all that, it's simply, it's, it's nothing else than they don't know how to solve that problem. It's like a problem solving issue more than anything else. And I think when we allow them to start making decisions, they start to learn how to problem solve. Right? Yeah. So like with a goose, that's literally what I try and do. It's like first of all, there, there's no decision be made about Jiu Jitsu, like you're gonna train.

Is there? Is there? Like, was, was autism part of that topic or was he just in. Because I know he, he does specialize in that in, in certain things and autism was one of them, but I don't remember if that was.

Yeah, we never, we never got into that, unfortunately. We should have them back though, because I'd be curious about all that.

Okay, so I, Autism wasn't part of this because I know the goose has a form of autism.

Yeah, exactly, exactly. But like I have her make decisions. Right. And so for example, like, she wanted a chameleon. I could have been like, nope, absolutely not.

But I later I remember that.

Yeah. But I let her make that decision. She really wanted them. So now, guess what? She has a decision to make every time when she comes over. Am I going to feed him or am I not? And this is all her decisions. Like, I take care of the thing whenever I'm here, but whenever she's here, it's not my. It's not my job. That. That's your sweetie. Right. And then also, like, with. With her room, like, I'm gonna let her decorate the room the way that she wants to decorate her room. And I actually.

So nice of you.

We actually made a pretty good decision not that long ago. Well, she did. I asked her. I was like, baby, what would you want to do when you grow up? What would your dream job be? And she was like, well, I'd like to play YouTube or I'd like to play Super Smash Brothers on YouTube. And like, all right, that's it. That's a decision she made. So guess what papa's gonna do when we move into the house? I'm. I'm a builder. A little streaming setup. And at 11 years old, she's gonna start streaming and she's gonna start doing that because. Why not? Why not? Because I wanted to see, like, when you make a decision and you start following through with it, like, the lessons that start to come with it. Right. And I think there's decisions that can be made on whether I'm going to give up, whether I'm not going to give up. Why are you going to give up? And I like to prone, like, at those. At those questions, at those. Those roots, to kind of see where her little mindset's at.

That's. It's super smart and. And that's exactly what I did for. For my son at this about. About the same age. Um, and just one thing to be aware of is the relationships, because when you start streaming online, you're. You also have interaction with complete strangers. Yep. And at that age, well, just for obvious reasons, you just need to be cautious of. Of that and. And supervise it to some extent. And I failed to supervise that as closely as I should have. And there were a couple times where our Internet got hacked and shut down because Riley was, you know, he pissed off the wrong dude or something, and the guy got. Got our IP address and shut it down. I was like, man, this shit's got to stop.

Yeah, it's wild. That's why I can't wait for, like, artificial intelligence to release cy Cybersecurity. And it's just constantly securing your stuff. Like, I guarantee you there's going to be a program like, that where it's.

Just, it's, it's, it's, it's literally already out. I, I, I have, I have it pulled up right now. I was re, I was literally, I, I was going, I got, I got a whole ebook on it. I'm serious. I was, yeah, I was just, I was literally just learning about it last night or yesterday sometime.

Yeah. Because, I mean, that would just be brilliant. And. Yeah, no, definitely, like, that's something that I've thought through. That's why, like, her streaming and I'm also going to use it as, like, a little bonding experience too. So it's going to be like, whenever she's here and she wants to stream, I will stream with her. And so it'll be like a moment for us to get to, like, kind of connect. I'm invested. There you go into, like, what she loves. And at the same time, I'm, I'm protecting.

There you go. That's, that's perfect. Perfect opportunity to kill two birds.

Yeah, definitely. But I think, yeah, decisions are a huge thing to, like, allow our kids to start making some. I, I don't agree with. Like, obviously, we all know there's that crazy, like, just liberal movement where it's like, if your kid wants to have a sex change at 12, they should. I'm like, okay, well, we don't even let them vote for a reason. We don't even let them drink. Like, so let's, let's calm down on the mutil your body and changing it completely. I'm like, I'm just saying, I don't think that's a good decision yet. That's what I'm saying. Like, I think we have to start and every parent knows, like, or hopefully every parent knows what's best for their kid as far as, like, okay, I'm gonna allow decisions, but I think the main thing is, like, not just being a super controlling parent that never lets them live and never lets them, like, fall on their face, because that's when we grow the most, is literally when we fall on our face.

Yeah. What, what's, what's, what's a time when you fell on your face that you can think of in which it caused some growth for you?

For me, the first thing that comes to mind is my divorce, honestly. But even just taking it more, like, more back in time, I would say in sports. I remember I was terrible at baseball, bro. I mean, we didn't start playing until I was like, 12 and which is, I think, pretty old to start playing sports. Right. But I mean, that's when we started. That's when we had like the, the funds to be able to like get us into anything. And I just remember that my coach was so hard on me. So freaking hard on me. Like, bro, there was. Because anytime that a pitcher threw sidearm, it scared me. So I would literally like bounce back every single time. As soon as they released the ball, it could be right down the middle, it could be on the outside corner, but I jumped out of the batter's box because I was so scared. And my coach once just comes up behind me and he literally draws a line right where my heels are with my bat. And he gives me back the bat and he tells them, umpire, he's like, if he steps behind that line, you call it a strike. I don't give a damn where the ball is in front of this. Was that in the middle of a game, bro? And my parents, guess what? They didn't take me out. They didn't take me out. If it would have been up to me, I wouldn't have played baseball no more. I would have just stopped. And they're like, no, they, they didn't take me out. They didn't take me out. And so for me, falling on my face was in baseball a lot. But what ended up happening was then I, I, at 14 years old, I was playing with 16 year olds and I took the position from the starting shortstop and I became the starting shortstop and then I got state MVP as a freshman in baseball. The, like, the thing that I was failing at the most, I like, excelled in. Right? And then I was supposed to go play with the Olympic, the U.S. olympic team in Puerto Rico. And like all these opportunities happen from an area that I kept falling on my face. Falling on my face. Like, bro, I was so scared of the ball. So scared of the ball. But it was those times of failure that eventually like, I learned to like, overcome them. And it just gave me such great resilience in sports. But then I carried that lesson into other areas in my life, obviously. But yeah, I think that's one of the times.

It's, it's, it's, it's interesting because like, you know, my son is driving now and has been since, well, I guess October, ish, early October somewhere in there. And so he's Also my new UberEats guy and my Aaron boy or whatever I need done. You got a car? Go get this. And there's, there's been some situations like where I know, like we, this, this, this restaurant, we got dinner from the other night, I knew that it wasn't easy to find, and like, I, it wasn't going to be an easy experience for him.

Yeah.

But rather than, you know, giving him the, like, here, do this or you should do this, I just let him figure it out. And he came back and he was like, he's like, dude, I totally got lost. And. But, you know, he goes, I figured it out. And, and he's, He's. I know I'm biased, and I want to say he's such a smart kid, but he, He. He literally does pick up on things, and it's cool to see him, like, figure things out on his own. And it's, It, It's. It's fun for me as a dad to say, you know, like, like, yeah, I could, I, I could definitely make this easier on him, but I'm gonna, I'm gonna choose not to and. And then just see what happens. And, you know, at the end of the day, it's not easy in some cases, especially when, you know, with driving and all, but they have to figure it out. So, I mean, that's how you learn. And so I, I encourage anyone, not necessarily if your kid's driving or not, but just to let them figure things out sometimes and not just give them that, that path to, you know, make it easier on them. And as parents, we. It's challenge. It's kind of a challenge sometimes, at least for me, I can speak myself on this. But it's. It's a challenge to not want to. I mean, it's. It's kind of a natural parent instinct to, to want to, you know, give your kid the, the, you know, make them comfortable. It's your kid. You know, you love them, you want them to, but at the same time, it's like you also want them to be independent and not, like, have, you know, be one of those kids that has to lean on somebody for everything. And I think the younger you start doing little things like that, the better because, you know, you. When they, Once they do get to that age of 16 and 17 and they start driving and doing. Having to interact with. With people for the first time in a different scenario on their own, like, you know, start going to their own dentist appointments and doctor appointments and things of that nature, it's like, you know, they, like, they have to overcome their. A lot of fears like that, you know, things that they haven't done before. Going to the. Just little things like going to the grocery store, like, bro, you've been with me so many times. You know how to go through the self checkout, you know, where the little money thing is. I mean, and it's funny because. Because it's like, I remember I. I was at the store with him before I knew he was going to go, and I'm like, here, here's the money. Put it in. And it took him a minute to figure he was trying to put it in every little slot except the slot the money goes in and, you know, but it's easy to just do the credit card swipe, but he doesn't have a credit card and I'm not going to give him a credit. Yeah, I had, you know, let him learn with cash. And so, you know, just little things like that, you know, make them. Make them learn and make them struggle. Sometimes it's. It's good for them.

Yeah.

And I don't. Don't feel like it's not. So it may be kind of difficult for some parents, but just know that it's, you know, in the, in the long term, it's. It's a good thing.

Yeah, absolutely, bro. I think that's the. I think that's the main thing that if we're being honest as single dads, that at least I know I struggled with was because she was already going through such a hard time, given how she was born, like super premature heart surgery, lung surgery when she was a preemie, to then like, you know, mom and dad weren't together and they weren't. And then they weren't again. And one day she just woke up, went to school, never came back home again. Didn't know why. It just kind of. That was her reality. And knowing that she went through all of that, I was like. It was. There was something in me that I was like, I can't let her go through any more hardships, but I was robbing her of opportunities, of growth by removing structure like that, man, like, for real, like, I had to, like, let her fail. And I think there's a little bit of a difference. I'd be curious to hear your take on this. I think there's a little bit of a difference. Whenever it's like a girl and a boy for this reason, like as a girl, like my little girl, she needs certain qualities that, you know, will attract, like a very good man.

Right.

And most men really do want a woman that will follow them and that will, for lack of better words, I know that there's so much negativity around this, but that'll be submissive, but it's not even about Being submissive. It's just that you trust my leadership enough to where I don't have to argue with you and convince you about every decision I'm trying to make. Like, do you. Do you want to go with this castle or not? Right? Like. Like, every decision, Like. Well, I just remember being in a relationship once where I went a different route because I had already thought it through about the traffic times and everything, because of my experience in the area from trucking, always being on the road, and I made a different run. And she's like, well, why are you doing? Why are you going this way? And I was like, well, because it's faster. Well, why? Because. And I was like, the. The amount of frustration that I got of, like, the. Can you just. Do you want to drive then? Like, do you want to sit on the wheel and drive? It's like, can't you just trust that I know what I'm doing? And it's not even that big of an issue. We're driving a different way. I said it's going to be faster, and I don't feel like giving you this history lesson on why I know it's going to be faster. So it's like my little girl, right? It's like, she doesn't necessarily need the qualities of, like, let's make, like, this crazy vision decision of where we're all going to be going, right? But, like, as a man, you kind of have to. And. And as a man, it's like, if you don't got any scars, you're not sexy. But a woman with, like, a bunch of scars, that's not that sexy.

It's. No, it's not.

You see? You see what I mean? It's like different worlds. Like, a woman sees a man with, like, you know, gun wound and got, you know, stabbed, and she's like, oh, that's hot, because he's been through some stuff. But then, like, if my little girl has all that, someone's gonna be like, dude, like, that looks a little. You know, why are you so scarred up? And so I feel like it's different. And that's what I'm trying to, like. I mean, I've been going through it internally, man. Like, raising a little girl. Because I'm like, okay, I gotta stop raising her as if she's a boy, because she's not a boy. Like, I need. I want her to know that daddy loves her, Daddy's proud of her, and daddy's gonna protect and provide for her, because that is my duty, and I want her to find a man who believes the same. Hey, you know what, girl? It is my job to protect you. It's my job to provide. It's my job to lead. And for her to be like, I love the way you lead. I love where you're going. I want to be a part of this and then come behind him, right, and support or beside him and support him and build that empire with him and really just build him up so that he can continue to conquer. And so I just feel like it's a little different, like, with boys. We got to raise them to like, bro, you got to go through some hell, or else you're not going to be anybody in life.

Well, I, I, I, I, I definitely agree with you. And I can only, you know, it's one of those things. I have a boy. You don't. You have a girl? I don't. Yeah. So, you know, but I definitely know if, like, if, if I did have a girl, I would. I, I definitely know my life would be night and day different. Yeah, it's a struggle over here, bro.

I need some more testosterone in my household.

Oh, man. Yeah, I, I wonder, like, how, you know, some, some of the, the dads that, that have, you know, four daughters and, and their wife and That's. I can't. That's, That's, That's. God bless you guys.

I was talking to a dude, and just a little quick side story. It'll be very fast. And he was, he was telling me how all he has is daughters. And he was like. He was like, this might be a little too information. He was like, but my daughters and my wife. Oh, no. He has, he has three daughters, wife, and one son. So he's got that. And he was like, this might be too much information. He's like, but they all get their periods at the same time. He was like. And when that starts happening, he was like. My son is like, hey, dad, do you want to hang out this weekend?

Like, can we leave the house? That's, that's probably not a bad thing, man. Just to, like, rip the band aid off all at once as opposed to scattering them about. Boy, I'm glad that's not a scenario that I have to deal with. Funny story, though, nonetheless. But, yeah, man, I think if, like, you know, we were kind of talking about this before, like, so, you know, certain things, like, like, I, I want my, you know, you, you want to teach your daughter, like, chivalrous or to be. Or that she should be with a man that will treat her with chivalrous. Keep chivalry alive. And you know, like, that's. My, My son hasn't really dated yet, so. But when he does, I mean, I, I do, I do give him advice and I've given him, you know, like certain. In certain areas, like what, what, what. Where I made mistakes when I was his age and things of that nature. And we, we've had conversations and it's cool that we can have, you know, such conversations. So, you know, when, when he does start dating and does. And I know that he's like sexually active or what or whatnot. Like, I, I know he'll be comfortable and, and you know, talking about those things with me and that's certainly a good thing, but. But you have to have, you know, completely different conversations and that's. I don't know how. Like, I don't have advice for, for. I mean, this is where you would be better off giving. Well, you probably haven't had that conversation yet, but my, my conversations are obviously going to be a lot different than the ones you're going to have and, but they're definitely going to be with, you know, about, you know, treating how to treat women respectfully and you know, to be like when you, when you go out on dates. Yeah. Open the doors and so on and so forth and, and be respectful. And my, My son already has such a big heart. He's super empathetic. And I think a lot of it has to do with just, you know, the what, what he's already gone through at such a young age and yeah. You know, having lost his mom and you know, just to understand like, how, how, how precious life is to learn that lesson at such a young age is. Yeah, it's, it's unique and un. I don't know why. It unfortunately creates a different person than he would have been. You know, and I guess if, if you want to look for the positives and the negative, that those are some of the things that I would, I would say that, yeah, you know, we can, we can pull out of the, the tragic loss of his mom. And you know, that's. That's one of the things that, that helps and has helped me to cope and deal with that situation. You know, granted, it was 11 years ago and. But being. Becoming a single dad because of that is. And was like, you know, like changed my life obviously, and changed his life and it made both of us different people. And you can, you know, allow it to slow your life down. You can allow it to prevent you from doing certain things or you can say you know what? If she were here, she would not want me being. To be, you know, slowed down or prevent me from doing anything other than raising. Raising our son to be the best possible young man he can grow up to be. And just knowing that you, you do. You do what you got to do. And those are the, you know, you look for the positives. And yeah, if you focus on just the negative aspects of, of, of why you are where, you know, why you're single or, you know, then. Then you do get slowed down and you do prevent yourself from maybe doing certain things because you're, you know, feeling sorry for yourself when you shouldn't be. You know, it's like, I don't want you to feel sorry for me, so I'm not going to feel sorry for myself. And it's, it's unfortunately part of life, and life happens. And sometimes in, in a lot of cases, it's not like I'm the only person that has suffered loss. I lost my mom in a car accident, as many of you know, and so, like the two. Most. Two closest women I've ever, you know, and my two favorite women I lost. And I've had to, to learn to, to move on with a positive outlook and do so for not only myself, but for my son. And that, that makes you an empathetic individual. I mean, it really does. Because you, you, you know, anytime you hear about something like that, you. You're just like, my heart goes out to anybody who suffers loss in any form or fashion. And even if it's, you know, different. And I can tell it's, it's, it's been, it's played a huge factor on how my son is in certain situations, in certain scenarios. And, you know, that's why I, I think he has a huge heart. I think he's very empathetic. And I think a lot of that comes from what happened, what he's been through.

Yeah, no. 100, bro. 100. I think it's good.

Didn't mean to get off topic there, but yeah, yeah, it's good.

I mean, but I think that's why. I think that's why God let him have the dad that he has. Because, like, we covered this on an episode prior where you were saying how, like, it actually, it actually killed off a version of you that you. That didn't need to exist anymore, and it rebirthed the version of you that you're, like, extremely grateful for now. And I think it's the same thing with your son and like, the reason why he's been able to do that is not because you taught him that. It's because you modeled it. That's just what I believe. That's what I believe. Because there's a lot of people that try and teach their kids certain things, but they don't model it. So the kid never learns it.

I, I 100 agree with that. And that's why in so many episodes, in some form or fashion, we have covered, like, you know, what the things you do, not the things you say, are what our kids see and hear. The things that we don't pay attention to, they do. You know, they're paying attention to everything. And the things that we don't think about, arguments we may have with our significant others, or, you know, just things in general that you just don't think about.

They're.

They're watching, they're listening, and those things matter. I mean, like, one example that comes to my mind, like, my, my dad was a very unaffectionate person. And every time my mom is a complete opposite. Like, she wanted to hug. Like, every, every time I walked by her or my dad walked by her, and, like, you know, my dad would be like, yeah, okay, okay, okay. All right. Like, it'd be. It should be in the kitchen, like, cooking. He'd come in, like, picking at it, and then should want to hug. And he'd be like, all right, get out of my way. Whatever. You know, back to, back to. Back to the cave we called it, where he hung out and drank his beers after work or whatever. But anyway, it's like, you remember those types of things. And honestly, for the longest time, I was one very. And to some extent, I guess I still kind of am, but I've learned to be better about it. But I wasn't a very affectionate person. I'm still not like, the, the most. At least, at least in the beginning. I'm not one to, like, make first moves or, like, I'm not a. An aggressive dude when it comes to that stuff. And I think a lot of it has to do with just, like, seeing that growing up, you know?

Oh, that'll definitely do it. Here, bro. Give me one second. I got a piece. So bad.

Well, that's an interesting topic. I guess I'll keep talking, assuming that he's not going to edit this out. So when I, when I was, Because I, I grew up, like, seeing my mom be so affectionate, she was so affectionate with me. Maybe that stuck with me and has allowed me to become more affectionate, but. And be more vulnerable. And I think just maturing over the years has allowed me to do that as well. But back to the whole point of this conversation and why it started is like, what. What we see as kids and as parents probably don't think about more. So our kids are picking up on it. And so just all you dads out there think about that stuff. Like, you know, when you're dating or not dating, you know, they hear phone conversations and, you know, it's like you think you're being slick, you think you're being sly, but they hear and they pick up. So just, I guess the takeaway from. From all that would be just be aware of what you're saying and how you're saying it to whomever it is you're speaking to. Because, you know, when, if. If your kid hears you on the phone, you know, disrespecting a female or talking down to. To a female or in any form or fashion, they're going to think that's okay. And, you know, it's just. They pick up on that stuff. So just, you know, the takeaways, I guess I'm. I'm saying. Or be fucking where. Yeah. And don't say like that in front of them.

Don't listen to this episode in front of your kids.

Definitely not.

No, bro. I think it's beautiful though, that, like, how you were able to notice like, a difference between even, like, your dad and your mom, and you were like, okay, this is the adjustment I want to make. And like, here's the thing, our kids are going to learn. They're going to be able to grow because we're not going to be perfect parents. And we gotta. We gotta be okay with that. We gotta be okay with the simple fact that, like, it's like that one book, how to do the work by Dr. Nicole Lepera. That book depressed me. It gave me a lot of great insight, helped me through a lot. But at the same time, I was like, dang, anything that I do is gonna cause parent trauma in my little girl. Like, anything, anything in the whole purpose of it, she was saying, she was like, this is so that you know also that it doesn't matter how great you are, they're still gonna have to deal with things and they're gonna have to learn because that's how it's, like, designed. So, like, you. You got to a point where you made a certain decision of, this is the kind of man that I want to be. And then Riley's gonna be able to make the same thing just like the Goose, there's going to be things that she learns from me that might not be serving her when she's 30, 40, 45, you know, and she's gonna have a choice to change those beliefs. But I think like we can do, we can do a good job at at least laying down like a great foundation that they can build off of. Right. And as long as we build off of, like, as long as we build off of our parents foundation. Like, I'm not the same as my dad. I want to be greater than my dad. Right then. I want my little girl to be greater than me. But I wouldn't be where I am had it not been for the foundation my dad gave me. And I wanted to be vice versa with like my little girl.

Yeah. I mean there's, there's, there's nothing more, you know, as a parent than it's interesting. It's like now that I can see from both, both ends, you know, as an adult now, like, nothing, there's nothing more important than having my dad say I'm proud of you, even as, even at like this very age that I am and now and because I, you know, I, he may be around another God, I don't even want to talk about it. But I mean, bottom line is I. The fact that he has at, on more than one occasion told me that he's proud of me for this or that and accomplishments or how I've treated people or, or just, you know, things that, that you want to hear from your dad that change, like make, make you feel like, okay, I can die now, at least for, for me, that's how it is. Because like, I don't, I don't have any other living family. And nevertheless, as a dad, you know, it's like all you want to hear from your children or child, at least I want to hear from my son, is that, you know, he, he, he wants to model something. I mean, I don't want, I don't, you know, I want him to do and be whomever he wants to be, do whatever he wants to do. And I've made that loud and clear. But at some point I want him to say, you know, my dad, you did a good job. Thank you. I'm proud of you. Or, yeah, just, or just thank you. I'm grateful. Yeah.

Because there's more than. I love you. I feel like I'm proud of you. Which just hit so much deeper. Right. Like hearing out from our kid.

Well, them hearing from us is, is definitely a bit a big deal. And it's Definitely as. As we talked about earlier, like, something that needs to be said, and it needs to come from the heart. It needs to be for a specific reason and. Or it doesn't. I mean, it can be just generally speaking, like, I'm proud of you because you've turned into such a. A mature, wise, beyond your years, young man, and. Which my son has, and I've told him that. And I'm glad that you have made some of the decisions that you've made, and I'm. I'm glad that you continue to strive to make straight A's and. And do well in school. And I'm. I'm. I just want you to know I'm super proud of you. Keep it up. And you know that I can tell. Encourages him to do just that because it has an effect on him, and I don't need to hear that from anything from him for me to continue to be a good dad. Although it is a feel good thing, for sure.

Yeah, exactly. It's like, we don't need it. But, dude, my. My little girl told me one day that she was proud of me and that she. She was proud that I was her papa. Oh, my gosh, bro, I was never expecting it. And she said that to me. It was when I was taking her to school one day, and holy crap, it was like, the best thing that's ever happened to me. Like, easily. Easily the best thing that has ever happened to me. And yeah, bro, it was just beautiful. And again, I think it's because we reap what we sow, right? Like, I sew that into her so often. Like, even last night, coming from my brother's house, I was just telling her, like, baby, I'm so proud of you. And she was like, why, papa? And I was like, because I saw the way you were playing with your little cousins. And she's always been very, like, standoffish. It might be like the autism thing, where she's like, just socially more like, leave me alone. But she was actually intentional with playing with him. Like, she was pushing them around on their little cards, laughing with them. She brought her whoopee cushion, was just making my little nephew, like, die laughing. And so I was just like, maybe like, you did so good as, like, a big cousin. Like, I'm really proud of you. And then she hears me tell my parents now that I'm proud of them, like, and I'm proud to be their son. And so.

Oh, yeah, you see? Huge. Yeah, it's huge.

So I wonder if she's, like, picking that up like 100.

100. She is. Yeah, absolutely. That's. I, I didn't think about you had. You have that temporary dynamic while your house is being built. And that's. That's interesting because, you know, not a lot of people have that dynamic. I know I, I certainly never did. And so, yeah, that's. Absolutely. She picks up on that stuff.

Yeah. Which is all. Which leads to another part of that article, which it talks about us being warm with our kids. Like, in order to raise successful kids, we got to learn to be warm with them, which obviously means, you know, like, being present and like spending quality time. But like, one of the things that I think stood out to me right there, that was really good was that they can turn to you for help. And it's like, it takes me back to the office where they ask them, they ask them like, hey, would you rather be feared or loved? And Michael Scott was like, both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me. And, and I feel like so many parents, right. Especially as dads, like, I've, like, there's this trend that's always been of like, your kid has to fear you, they got to respect you and this and that. And yes, there has to be a level of that. But I want my little girl to be afraid of how much she loves me. Like Michael Scott would say, like, I want her to be able to, like, come to me with whatever she's going through and just know that, like, there's this one quote, I think it's so beautiful. It's about Christianity and it's talking about, like, how religion says, I messed up. Oh, no, dad's gonna find out. But how relationship is. We have the reaction of, man, I messed up, I need to go talk to my dad. It's like completely different. And I want her to have that. I want her to have that. That feeling where it's like, oh, snap, I did something. I need to go talk to my dad. And in order to do that, it's like, I can't hound her about everything, about every mistake, every mess up. Like, I gotta listen to her. And there's got to be correction, obviously. But I think correction can be done in a way where it's still coming out of a place of love, not of a. Not out of a place of, like, frustration. And if it is coming out of a fresh place of frustration, like it has with me often, just because she's so limited on things that she can do sometimes. And I'm like, I get frustrated because I'm afraid that she won't be able to do them. And then I just. Her future life plays out in front of me in that moment, and I'm like, dude. So it creates fear in me, and then that turns into anger. So I projected that that way. And so even in those moments, I tell her, I'm like, look, baby, I'm so sorry. Like, I wasn't mad at you. I want you to know that, like, I just get worried because I want you to do good, and I want you to be able to have. You know what I mean? And so I come back. I try and come back around because obviously we can't. We can't hit every nail on the head, like, perfectly every single time. But, yeah, I think it's so important for us to, like, be warm with him like that, too.

Absolutely. And we've been going for quite a. Quite a minute. But I think that's a good, good place to wrap things up, man. I've enjoyed the episode. I hope you guys have as well. Hope everyone's gotten some decent takeaways. There's been some good ones. And hopefully Frank's break didn't throw everyone off, because I know you won't edit it out. I just kept talking anyway while you were gone.

So we gotta have it real and raw.

That's how we do it, man.

At least y' all didn't hear me taking the leak. I mean, at least that's a plus.

No is what it is, man. Take us how we come or don't take us at all. And that being said, everyone have a phenomenal week, and we will see you next week.