How to start turning your life around.

Hey, you're listening to the Single Dads podcast, a podcast for single dads by single dads. In this podcast, you're going to be encouraged and hopefully given some practical tools to be able to become the parent that you always wanted to be and that you know you can be. Hopefully, this podcast encourages you. Make sure that you download the Single Dads podcast app to join our community. Hope you enjoy the show. Welcome back, gentlemen. Man. On this episode, I want to jump straight into it. I want to talk about the power of rewriting our story, because the chances are if you are looking or if you are listening and watching this podcast, it's because you've either been widowed or you've been through a divorce or something has happened to where life did not turn out the way that you thought it was supposed to turn out, and you're turning to places for answers. And so I really hope this. This. This specific episode encourages you and empowers you a ton, because I know that this alone is something that really shifted my life and continues to shift my life, because it never ends. It never ends. Okay, so I want to talk about the power of rewriting our story. Everything in life, man, I was talking to Scott about this. Everything in life is about the story that we attach to something, and it's always in our head, and we have a choice on how we entertain it and how we choose to see it. For example, there's the same example I was telling Scott about. Like, there are people that have scars in their lives that they're kind of, like, ashamed of because of the way that they got them, right? And some. Some of those might be emotional scars, but I'm talking, like, physical scars, right? And obviously the illustration is to lead into emotional scars, but you got physical scars that you're, like, ashamed of. Maybe it's on your face. It doesn't matter. But you're just ashamed because of the story that is attached to that scar. But then you meet some other dudes, right? And maybe you've been out with your boys, drinking, and. And you ask someone about a scar, and you just see them light up, because now they get to tell you the story of how they got that scar, and they're so proud of it, right? I know for me, like, whenever I'm walking around and my face is a little jacked up from Jiu Jitsu, I'm like, I wear it proud. And I'm like, I hope somebody asks, oh, no, what happened to your eye? What happened to your nose? What happened to this? Because I can I can talk about Jiu Jitsu, and I'm proud of wearing it because of the story that's attached to it. Now, guys, we do this in the good and we do this in the bad. This is why when you find when something good finally happens in your life and you self sabotage it, you get an opportunity. You meet somebody that's high quality, but then you end up self sabotaging it. It's not because you don't want it, and it's not because it's not good, and it's not because you weren't good enough. It's because of the story that you tied to that opportunity presenting itself. You tied the story that this is just too good to be true. I don't deserve it because nothing good happens in my life and I'm just not qualified for it, Right? So then because you believe that story, you treat it as such and you end up creating that in your life. This is literally the power that we have if we choose to rewrite the story. What you're going through right now, what you're going through right now, it is going to leave you scarred. It is. Why? Because it wounded you. If it hurt you, it wounded you. So it's going to leave a scar. But what story do you want to attach to that scar? You have a choice in that. We all have a choice in that. It's like, do we want to lay down our lives and just die and just be like, well, after that moment, all life was just terrible. I just. I never trusted again. I became insanely insecure because of it. Right. All of these different things. Or do you want to use that story and say, you know what? That was a wake up moment for me. Let me tell you about that scar. That scar's got some power behind it, and I want you to hear it. That scar made me a better man. That scar made me a better father. That. That scar showed me the areas in my life that I was lacking in. And then it moved me and propelled me to start moving in that area and make some changes. And had it not been for that wound, had it not been for this scar, I would not be who I am today.

You know what? I like everything you just said. I love it. And it's so spot on. What about the people that are living a life that they're telling themselves this, they're telling themselves a story that they're. That they think they're living, but they're not? For example, let's just say somebody wins a, an award, ESPY or A Grammy. You know, they first. First person I'd like to think is the Lord God Almighty. Without him, I would have. Wouldn't have anything. Okay. And then I want to thank my parents, you know. You know, I couldn't have done it without that. All right, so are you living your life as the first person you thought thanked? Are you living a life under the. What, the way God wants you to? You know, Are you. Or is that just the story that you're telling people in yourself?

Yeah.

You know, and. And it's like you. You tell people that. Yeah, I'm. I'm. I'm a Christian first, I'm a. I'm a father second, then I'm a husband then. And your career is always like the fifth, you know, know, fourth or fifth one for most people anyway, that, that are telling themselves this is how they're living. Right.

Yeah, exactly.

So until.

And.

And for those of you who are living things in that order, more power to you.

Yeah.

Then you have the ability to do exactly what Frank just said.

Yeah.

But if you're not.

Yeah.

Living the way that you are, telling yourself and others, then you don't have the ability to do what you just said.

Yeah.

Because you're not living. You're not living the way that you're allowing yourself to believe you are.

Well, bro, there's a story there that needs to be rewritten. There's a story that I have to show up a certain way to be accepted, and that is the story that you've written in your head. If I say that I do this, if I say that I am this, then people will accept me and acknowledge me. You got to rewrite that story because now you're living out of integrity, and you need to rewrite it to where it's like I can show up as genuinely who I am, imperfect with my imperfections, but have that growth mindset. And if I show up as this person, I'm going to draw the people that belong in my life in and I'm going to filter the ones that don't belong in my life out. It's all. You see what I mean? It's all a story. It's what story you're telling yourself. Why are you showing up that way? It is because to some degree you believe that you have to. To please others. And if you don't show up that way, you won't be loved or accepted. That's a story. Yeah, rewrite it.

Just like, you know, I have to work this much. I have to work two jobs or Three jobs, because, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. No, you don't have to do anything. You. What you can do is you can be more strategic and. And. And put more thought into how you can do things in a different way to get the same outcome.

Yeah. But, bro, it's all. I had a gentleman on Facebook that I first. I've been following him for a while, bro. I don't know where he came from, and I genuinely just felt like God kept putting him on my heart. Like, I would catch myself going to his profile, seeing the pictures of, like, him and his kid and his post and how he's struggling, and I just. I was just drawn to him. I wanted to help. I don't know. I felt like God put him on my heart literally anytime something from him came up. Like, I don't really get on social media.

Drawn to him in a. In a positive way.

Yeah. Like, I wanted to help.

Oh, okay.

You see, I'm saying, like. Like, I want to serve this person.

Okay.

Is how I was drawn to him. And so I reach out to him, and he's just like, man, well, I'm just struggling with this and this and this and that. And, like, I don't have money for my kids to see them and that. And I just feel like I'm gonna have to stop seeing them as much because of it. But this dude's always posting images of him out drinking at him at ballgame, like, doing this stuff. Right. So I challenge him a little bit. I asked for permission first.

Why you don. Great job.

I was like, bro, first of all, I want to get your permission because I want to help, but I have to talk to you as if you're a client. Are you okay with that? And he was like, yeah, absolutely. So then I started challenging him. I was like, okay, you don't have money. Cut that stuff out. Well, I don't really drink that well. I don't really do this much. I was like, okay, well, how are you investing into yourself? Well, I don't really have much time to invest. But yet he's driving eight hours to pick up his child. You're driving eight hours. You don't have any time to put on a podcast that helps you. But he has this story in his head of how I'm so busy, I don't have enough money. So when he's entertaining this, it leaves him hopeless and powerless, so he doesn't make a change. It's not that he can't. It's that he feels going into coach mode right? Now, right? This is from the last episode. Y' all heard it like, I'm gonna give you everything I got. But you see what I'm saying, bro? He. He feels like he can't do these things because of the story that he's written in his head and he's bought into it, and it is such an effing lie, dude. You do have time to grow. You do have time to invest. You do have money to make it happen. You're just.

This is the exact. That's exactly what I was just saying.

But the story, it's. It's what you.

What you tell yourself.

It's what you buy into, man.

What.

Which is.

Well, whatever you tell yourself is what you're buying into.

Exactly. Like, if. Okay, we've all gone through stuff as kids, all of us, some terrible things, some not so great things, some had a great childhood, but there was certain expectations placed on them, and so then that affected them in a negative way. And now as adults, we use that as a crutch of, this is why I am the way that I am. That is a story that you can choose to rewrite because of this. I'm choosing to not stay this way. I'm actually choosing to become better. That's why Oprah's story is so powerful, bro. She was literally, like, I. I believe she was abused, like, sexually since she was a child. And then she went from foster home to foster home to foster home and was abused in almost every single foster home.

Oprah's. Oprah's one. That everyone knows. But there are so many people that have. Have. Have gone through sexually abused rape, you name it, and they turn it around. And they turn it around because they. They turn all the. The pain and. And they turn it into positive.

Yeah.

Positive. Like, I'm gonna. I'm not. I'm not gonna let this define me, define me and wear me down. I'm going to do the exact opposite. I'm going to. I'm going to take all this. This pain and this. This emotion that I have, and I'm going to turn it into positive. And those are the people that oftentimes become phenomenal public speakers, bro. That's.

That's it.

That write books.

Look at a successful person write books.

Hence rewriting their story.

Literally rewriting their story when they write a book. Yeah, but guys.

So I'm just saying, why can't people that. That think, like, woe is me for all the things that happened to them and use it as a crutch, right? Write a Freaking book.

Well, it's because. It's because the story that. The story that we believe, whether it drives us into a ditch or it takes us up to a mountain, it gives us. It gives us some sort of relief. And I know somebody might be thinking, well, how does my story give me relief if it's just making my life worse? Because it gives you the security of not having to try.

Yes.

It gives you the security of not having to be courageous. It keeps you safe. And you know the outcome now.

Yeah.

So it's predictable. So that is your reward. And so you've got to get sick and tired of that reward so you can create a better reward. And so we all have the ability to do this. It's just who's going to do it? It's like in the book the Matrix, right?

Or the.

The. The movie the Matrix. Morpheus was like, neil, I can take you to the door, but I can't make you walk through it. You got to open it and walk through it.

Isn't that the horse to the water thing?

Yeah. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't freaking make a drink like you. You just. I can give you everything you want. You can listen to this podcast every single day. You could have it on repeat and repeat and repeat, and it'll make you feel a little bit better. But if you don't take action, if you don't do something different, the first step to rewriting your story is identifying the current story.

Sure.

The second step is doing something different. Noticing. Noticing. You know what? I've written this story in my head that because of this, I'm not good enough. And when I feel that way, I end up showing up this way. So what I'm going to do is the next time I feel that way, I am going to intentionally choose to show up differently. You just started rewriting that story. Now do that 1% every single day and watch what happens to your life. But you've got to be willing to show up.

Yeah. It's called execution, bro.

Knowledge is not power. Whoever told you that, if you're listening to this, lied to you. Execution is power. Knowledge is just potential power. And all of us have insane potential, man. Every. Every man that's listening right now. You got so much freaking potential. Me and Scott, we've got so much freaking potential that we haven't even tapped into yet because there's still areas in our lives where there's fear capping us, and we're going to rewrite those stories and make things happen. Right. I truly do believe that. 100 and so you've got so much potential. Execute on it, move on it. Even if it's scary. Because I think it's scarier to stay in the same place for 10 years, man. I think it's scarier to stay from our last episode. I think, I think it's scarier to have that be your last day and you're in the same spot that you were 10 years ago.

That's what scares me. And, and, and you, you've probably heard this from somebody or from, from somewhere that when you go and go sit down and talk to a, to a 90 year old.

Yeah.

Or 100 year old or whomever. You know, someone that's, that's lived and they, and ask them for advice and the one thing they're going to tell you is don't have any regrets.

Yes.

And it's so true. So if you've heard that somewhere before, what do you do with it? Do you just hear it and. Okay, that's cliche.

Yeah. You know, that's what, that's a cliche for a reason.

Exactly.

It's like stereotypes. They're there for a reason because they're freaking true. Mexicans use Vicks to cure everything and Sprite. Just say it. There's a stereotype for a reason. I can say that because I'm Mexican. Yeah. No, but it's so true, bro. And honestly, anyone that's listening to this, I hope this impacts you. I hope this wakes you up. I was telling Scott this before we aired. I said there's a time for hugs and then there's a time for hits. At the end of the day, there's a time to embrace each other and be like, hey, man, this is rough. But there's a time to say, bro, you're doing this to yourself. I'm gonna slap you to wake you up. And it's time to move. It's time to get up. This, this, this episode is a little bit of both. We get where you're coming from. I get exactly what you're. What you're, what you're feeling. Why? Because I had stories. I still have stories that I'm dealing with. But it's also a smack in the face to say you either choose to stay there or you choose to change it. And whether you choose to not change it, that is still a choice.

Guys, the bottom line is it comes down to one thing. You have a choice. Understand that you have a choice and understand that you are, are choosing to do one of two things. Stay where you are and not execute or gain knowledge. And use that knowledge by executing it and putting it to work. And that's really all I got to say about that.

Yeah. It's the only way to change your life. Go. Go rewrite your story. Men.

Do it. Thanks for tuning in, Sam.