I'm missing my kids FIRST events.

Hey, you're listening to the Single Dads podcast, a podcast for single dads by single dads. In this podcast, you're going to be encouraged and hopefully given some practical tools to be able to become the parent that you've always wanted to be and that you know you can be. Hopefully this podcast encourages you. Make sure that you download the Single Dads podcast app to join our community. Hope you enjoy the show. Hey, guys. Welcome back.

Welcome back to the Single Dads podcast, man.

Today we're going to be having an incredible. And man, your voice sounds a lot better than mine right now. Like way deeper. Way deeper.

Well, I don't know what to tell you, Frank.

Let's see. No, I don't know if that did anything. Anyways, today we're gonna, we're gonna talk about a. Something that we all, all as humans struggle with. We're going to talk about just the frustration of, like, the reality that we're experiencing and how, you know, there's certain situations that come. Come in our lives, especially as, like, single parents, where you feel like you're missing out, you. You feel like you're being left behind. You feel like you're getting forgotten because maybe your kid is experiencing things without you with or things that, you know, whatever it is. Right. And so we're gonna talk about that today and hopefully empower you. Hopefully give you some, some very practical stuff and then also just a ton of encouragement, man, to really help you out if you're facing frustration right now.

Yeah. At the end of the day, one of the biggest things that we all deal with, especially when, you know, it's whether it's co parenting or dealing with situations or scenarios with our kids, it leaves us angry sometimes. It leaves us frustrated sometimes. And these are the things that if not if we don't catch them, if we're not aware of how we're feeling and why we're feeling that way. Yeah, they can simply or not simply, but they will quickly snowball and vastly. And that's what we want to encourage you guys and give you some things to do to avoid this from happening. Because I want to give you an example. I was actually on Facebook or meta whatever the hell you call it these days. And I, I keep getting these notifications from some of these toxic groups called single dad groups, Single dad groups or.

Whatever labeled as single dad.

And literally as I was canceling one, I started reading a paragraph that somebody had written and it was talking about this guy and how pissed off he was that he or his baby mama and her, I guess, new significant other was taking his kid or kids to. To SeaWorld or San Diego and they were going to hit SeaWorld and they were going to hit the San Diego Zoo. And he was not going to be able to have that time and take his son or kids until, I believe, the following month. And he was super pissed off about it. And it got me thinking, like, you.

Know, which makes sense, though, why he would be mad and frustrated.

It does on the surface.

Yeah. Yes.

And this is where I'm going with it. So if I'm that guy and this, and this is what I want to provide perspective to those of you who may be in a similar situation or a scenario not necessarily exactly like this, but, you know, something similar where you're pissed off that, you know, your, your kids getting to do something you haven't done with them and they get to do it with, you know, the new step, whatever, baby mama, boyfriend, whatever, whatever. Yeah.

Situation.

So I'm thinking. All right, Scott, how would you handle this and, and how would you share it with your listeners? Well, I, I've taken my kid to San Diego and I thought, and I thought about some things and, you know, San Diego Zoo is freaking massive. Massive. There's no way you're going to be able to see all this stuff in one visit.

Unless you're, like, rushing, which then at that point you're not even enjoying the process.

Yeah, I mean, it's an, it's an experience that he'll have and encourage your kids to enjoy it and encourage them to remember maybe the things that they didn't get to do that they wanted to do, but at the same. And know that they get to do it again or. But the bottom line is just be supportive in any situation about your kids getting to do something without you. Be supportive, because guess what, you get to do it on your own time. And the experience that you can create is something that you can start planning now and get excited about. Like, you know, it's not about, I'm gonna make a better experience and one up his mom or anything like that. That's not what I'm encouraging you to do at all. I just want to make that clear. But just know that, you know, every kid has exp. They get to go. I mean, how many times did you go to Six Flags when you were a kid? You know, I can't really count how many times. And each time was a different experience. If I went with different friends or with my mom or if I went with my dad or, you know, Whatever. Point being is, take any anger or frustration that you may have and turn it into support for your kid. Encouraging your kid to have a great time and, you know, say, take some pictures and you know, and encourage them, have a good time and just know that you're. You're going to be able to have your time. Don't. Don't get involved in the petty shit where it's like, oh, he gets to go with his mom first, and, you know, who cares? Is it really worth it to become angry and frustrated? And that's just one example. And what I want to get to is the whole thing about anger and frustration and hopefully encourage people to identify when you are angry and frustrated about whatever the situation is. What happens if you know somebody, if you're driving and somebody cuts you off, you get angry, you flip them off, you honk back, you might swerve at them, you might do something stupid. A friend calls you, you're probably in a mood and you're an asshole to them. Or you don't even pick up and you don't even pick up on it and they do. Or maybe you. Yeah, or pick up. Maybe you don't even pick up the phone and you ignore them or whatever. I mean, there's just so many. Or maybe you're on your way to work and you walk in with a shitty attitude because you're angry and you're frustrated for things that are out of your control. And not to sound cliche, but come on, guys, when we're angry and frustrated, we have to be aware of that, right?

Yeah.

And awareness is something you hear us say a lot, so be aware and act on it. What puts you in a good mood, Frank? Give me one thing that puts you in a good mood. Is it a song? Is it just anything off the top of your head? Worship. Worship music. Worship music. So for Frank, spending some time with the Lord or praying or putting on that jam, that freaking gets him going, whatever it is for you, do that, change your mood and have a new and positive perspective on whatever it is that causes the anger and, or, and, or frustrations so you don't affect the other aspects of life that really matter.

Yeah.

Not that whatever you're mad at doesn't matter. Yeah. But make that pivot. Be aware and pivot.

Yeah.

And figure out. And once you kind of make it like a workout system, like, every time I get angry at this, I can't change it. All I can do is get angry. And what does that do? It snowballs into more negativity. Right.

Yeah.

So that's kind of my two cents. And that I wanted to get out there after reading that little.

Yeah.

Moment on whatever group that I 86 from. From my. From my life. But just, guys, please.

Yeah.

We want to encourage you to have perspective and awareness and.

Yeah.

Do not let negativity and anger snowball because it happens faster than you realize.

Yeah.

And it affects so many other people in your life that didn't do anything.

To you and opportunities and everything. I love that, bro. Because here's the thing, okay? We're. We're in a culture right now where men feel like they're not allowed to feel. But I want to hit on this very, very quickly and simply and effectively, okay. As effective as I can. You are allowed to feel angry. You are not allowed to stay angry. Okay. As a man, as a human in general. You are allowed to feel what it is that you are feeling, but you're not allowed to stay there. I mean, you are if you want to.

But what happens?

Exactly. Here's what, here's what happens. Whenever. Whenever our kid goes and does something with, you know, our ex and their significant other. And it's fresh. Right. And you. And it might not even be fresh. It could be three, four or five years for some people.

Right.

But to them, they're still making it fresh. And so what ends up happening is the reason why you're really struggling is because you feel like you're being left out. You feel like you're missing out. You feel like you're gonna be forgotten. You feel like you're gonna be replaced. But the truth is that you are absolutely not.

Not at all.

Are you missing out on that specific moment? Yes. Can you create that specific moment? Again, no. But you can create your own moments, just like you were just saying. I mean, like at the end of the day and, and here's what happens. You feel like you're going to be replaced. You feel like you're alone. You feel like all this. And that's why you're angry. Because that event made you feel all of those things and you're projecting them as anger. But if you choose to stay in that state, I want you to notice what happens. It's like a self fulfilled prophecy. You start being angry, you start being frustrated, you start self loathing. And now you're ignoring the calls of your friends. Now you're not doing the things that you know that you want to do and that you should do that make you feel better and gets you engagement in your community. And then what ends up happening. You end up being lonely.

Yeah. And you lose focus on. On the positive things where. Like that you have to have a positive mindset, whether it be with your career or starting a new job, which a lot of people are doing these days, or. Yeah. Or changing careers or anything. There's just so many.

Or taking a risk, man. Like, you're sitting here saying, life sucks because my kid's doing this. And if you stay stuck in that, life will suck because you're going to show up in a sucky way and you're going to ruin all the things that you just talked about 100%.

And, Frank, I want you to recap something that happened in our last support group.

Oh, yeah? Yeah. So I'm not going to mention his name, but there was a gentleman in our last support group who was just. Man, feeling down, down, down, down, down.

Anger was a word that came out of his mouth.

Yes. So anger, angry. So frustrated. Feeling like a failure. All these things. And I understand why. Right. And. And.

And furthest thing from.

Yes, exactly. First, he is not any of the things that he thought he was. Remember, your thoughts don't have to be real to create genuinely real feelings. So in that moment, what ended up happening was this person was feeling like he was letting his little, like, child down. And specifically, he. He started talking about all the reasons on why he's letting her down. And then one of them was that he's actually getting a bigger place for them where she'll have her own room. And then she got sad because she said that she wanted to keep sleeping with her dad and she didn't want to sleep in her room. And so he's torturing himself on how he keeps failing her, even in that area.

And then I was like, not laughing at you, bro.

Yeah, no, prom is not laughing at you. But the reason why I'm laughing is because I was sitting there listening to him, and I know how much this man loves his child. And so all I asked him, I was like, bro, when y' all move into that place and your daughter asked to sleep with you, what are you gonna say?

Go to your room. Go to your room.

He was like, yeah, I'm gonna let her sleep with me. I'm like, exactly, Exactly. So you're torturing yourself about something that hasn't even happened yet and more than likely is to happen. And immediately he started smiling and his mood started changing. And it's because we get wrapped in the frustration of, this is what I think, and this is what I think, and this is What I think. And your life is not what you're living. Your life is what you are creating in your head. That's how we experience life. That's why life can be experienced on our terms. Men. And so at the end of the day, it's like, look, the reality is, is that there have been certain areas that you might feel like you failed in, but the other reality is, is you have not.

And literally all Frank did was offer perspective.

Yeah. And an alternative reality in the future is all I offered.

Yeah. And everything changed from that moment. And hopefully today, right now, it's still like that. Well, we'll find out our next support group, which is. Oh, tonight.

Yeah, tonight.

But, yeah, I mean, at the end of the day, guys, that's really what we wanted to get across, is offer encouragement and perspective, because don't let the negativity and frustration and anger about things that you have no control over snowball into affecting other aspects of your life, because it's not worth it and it's just going to cause more pain.

Yeah. And I just wanted to give a quick personal story as far to, like, a scenario like that that we had brought up about the Sea World thing. Right. So my ex took my little girl, Disney, and I. I could have made it all about me and how I'm not gonna have that with her. I didn't get to take her. I did all of that. Right. But instead, this is what I said. I'm gonna take her anyways. Because you can't go to Disney too much, especially as a little kid. And if you go to Disney, if you can't visit all of Six Flags and. Or San Diego Zoo, you cannot visit all of Disney in one day, especially with the lines that there are. Right. And what ended up happening was I took my little girl to Disney, and her. One of her favorite characters is Stitch. So I see Stitch, and he's having a little dance party. I grab my little girl, I sprint over there with her in my arms, and I literally put her right next to Stitch because she's a little shy. So I just put her right next to Stitch. Stitch turns around, starts dancing with her, and she has a blast. I'm talking about. She was holding Stitch's hand the whole time, and all these other kids were, like, following them as. It was like a little line dance or whatever that they were, like, moving around with. And she was leading it with Stitch.

Awesome.

And so later on that night, she. I asked her, I was like, baby, did you have fun dancing with Stitch? And she was like, yes, Papa. You're my hero. You're my hero. So did I get to take her on her first Disney trip in that year? No. Did I create an incredible experience with her? Yes. But it's because I was more focused on creating an experience with her than I was about what I'm missing out on. And it's like I told you downstairs, bro, at the end of the day, humans, we do not remember days. If you're listening to this right now, you don't remember days. You remember moments. Moments. So create moments. Be intentional about moments. And are you allowed to feel angry? Yes. Are you allowed to stay? To stay in it? Not if you want to have a happy life, man. Not it. Not if you want to show up as the dad that you were created to be. Not if you want to show up as the parent that you were created to be. Not if you want to show up as the you that you're created to be. And if you want to be a blessing to others and be a blessing to yourself, you cannot stay there.

Absolutely not. Be a good person. Be positive. Be somebody that other people want to be around. Be somebody that people look up to. Because. Setting an example.

Yeah.

Be positive and be aware.

Be somebody that you want to be around.

Right.

Would you hang out with you? Like, that's a. That's a pretty good.

I can't think of a better note to end things on, buddy. Guys, thanks for tuning in.