Matchmaking and Single Parents

Guys, welcome back to the Single Dads podcast, season two, episode one. We got a really good treat for you guys. We actually have a a acquaintance and a friend that I met on Instagram. Her name is Laura Jacobs. Can you say what's up?

Hey guys.

Thank you so much for taking the time out of your busy schedule to come on our show. And I have to notate that you are the first female to female guest to ever be on our show.

Wow, that's amazing. I feel honored.

It is pretty cool. It is pretty cool.

Why me? Why did you choose me?

Honestly, I just saw what you did and I thought it was really interesting. Right. And so we'll just jump straight into it. But you do, you do professional matchmaking, right?

Yes, yes.

And then on top of that, you sell courses on teaching people how to master dating apps. What exactly is that?

Yeah, so I mean, as a woman myself, I struggled so much to find my partner and proud to say I finally did it. But I am very into psychology. That's my training and my background. And I just was getting so frustrated with dating apps. And so I really started researching for a long time, like years, the psychology of what happens to your brain when you're using a dating app. And I use all of that research and did a ton of my own research. Like, I mean, I did crazy stuff. Like I created profiles as a guy just to see like, what girls are like on the other end. Like, you know, I just did a lot of stuff. I gathered so much research and made this virtual course. It's tailored to women to find a meaningful relationship on an app. Because I just wanted, like, I just from coaching women, like, they had all the same issues as me. And I do believe, like, you can find love on a dating app, but you got to understand what's going on, man. Like, these are multimillion dollar companies that want you to stay addicted to this, like, video game number one among so many other things. So, yeah, I feel like I maybe need to change the name of the course because people are like, what is this? Like, I know how to use a dating app. It's like, but you don't. I promise you don't.

And it's interesting you bring that up because I've never thought of it from, I guess from that perspective as the million dollar companies that want to keep us on there.

They do. Yeah. And they don't want you to delete it. That's their whole marketing. But like, why would they want their users to delete their app when they're.

Making so Much money because they're good people. Yeah.

That'S what we want to believe anyway, right?

Yeah.

So. Sorry. Go ahead. I'm sorry.

I'm curious when you were playing around with this and you, I guess, created a profile as a man.

Yeah.

Can you, can you tell us anything that happened or.

Yeah, of course. I, like, I learned so much. I actually was just like, so shocked at how, like, I don't want to say mean, but how short some of the girls were with me, you know, pretending to be the guy. And I wasn't actually. Just so you know, I wasn't actually pretending. I was, I was. One of my matchmaking clients. It's a service we offer. He hired me to run his profile. So he was. It's a real person. You know, I was setting up dates for him. I would send him pictures and. Okay, what do you think of this? I would set the restaurant date and time up for them or whatever. So, you know, he was. He's a good looking guy, in his mid-40s, never married, no kids, and he really wanted to find someone really special. And, you know, the girls were so mean. Like, they're like, why have you ever been married? Why don't you have kids?

What's wrong with you?

I'm like, like, I don't even know what to answer this. Like, do you want to go to dinner and talk about it? Like, I was like, oh, my God, no.

You tell your client to run. That is such a terrible person to even try and chat with. Good lord.

Oh, my God. There were so many girls like that. And I was like, oh, my God. And then if you, like, say one wrong thing or something, they don't, like, they just like, unmatch you. And I'd be like, oh, man, I'm so hurt. Like, I just spent all this time talking to this girl and she unmatched me. And I would, like, take it personally. Oh, my God.

So it's funny, that is a common stereotype that when you're, you know, if you're in your mid-40s, which I am. I'm 45.

Yeah.

If. If I'm not married, which I'm not. I was. My wife passed away, but. And you don't have kids, then people think something's wrong with you. Yeah, that is a. That is a common stereotype for sure.

For sure.

So have you. Have you noticed if women want more a man that's been married and divorced than they want a man that's never been married?

You know, I think, I think certain women find something Wrong with any guy, they get in their own way, man. Like, it doesn't matter. Like, I have matchmaking clients from all different backgrounds. Never married, no kids. Have kids, were married. And I present these guys to women in my database all the time, and they find something wrong all the time. Oh, oh, oh, he's been married. He has a kid. No. Oh, he's married. No. I'm like, okay, well, you can just, like, stay single forever. That's fine.

See, I. I actually teach my clients this. I say red flags are always revealed, never sought out. Because whatever you look for, you train your brain. Find it. So you'll find it in the best human in the world. You'll just be like, oh, red flag, red flag, red flag. So. And that just means you're constantly on guard. That's not a way to live. So I kind of. I kind of feel bad for those ladies. Like, they need to. They need to walk through some. They need to do your coaching. If you're coaching women because that. You're not going to find a good relationship like that. Like, if something bad happens and then it's a red flag and it's revealed right, then obviously you address it. But if you're just constantly looking for it, guess what? You're going to find it in the best humans ever. And that is so sad.

No, it's so true. You're so right about that. And, like, I even. And I do so much inner work, personal work, research this for years, but because I was using dating apps so much for my own course and everything, and I'm proud to say I don't have any now, and it's just so freeing. Haven't had any for, like, six months, so great. But I was actually kind of snippy with my current partner, and he, like, jokes with me about it all the time. Like, I was really snippy with him because I remember I talked to him on the dating app, like, I don't know, six months ago or something, and our. And we never met up. And then I deleted the app. And then I downloaded again, like, two months later, and he. I remembered him, of course. And I was, like, really snippy about it. I was like, well, don't you remember me? You know? And he's like, I do, I do, I do. But I never got the chance to take you out because you deleted this app. And I was like, well, how long have you been on the app? And he's like, well, I've been on it. I think he told me he had been on it like, 10 months or something. And I was like, well, that's crazy to me, like, that you haven't found anybody. Like, are you looking for a relationship? Because he was so eligible to me. He was like everything I was looking for. So I was like, this guy has got to be a player. And I was like, well, why? I mean, you really haven't dated anybody in six months. Like, are you like, what's going on there? And he was, like, very picky. Yeah. And he was like, look, can we talk about this at dinner? And I was like, absolutely. So love it. I was pretty mean. And, like, I was. I was, like, hesitant. And, yeah, I was looking for a red flag that literally wasn't there. Like, he was so excited to delete his app and find me. So it's like, it's. Yeah.

Case in point.

You hear me?

I can hear her.

Yeah. That was so weird. Yeah, I can hear you. Can you still hear me?

Yeah.

Yeah, I think we're back.

We're back.

We're good.

Yeah. Okay. Perfect. So there we go. Okay. Sorry, guys. We just had a little bit of a technical difficulty. That was so weird. Anyways, I want to hear from the matchmaking side. You've worked with single parents, correct?

Yes. Yes.

So what would you say is some of the biggest obstacles that you. You help them overcome or that you notice, even just working with them and trying to find an ideal partner for them, just as a single parent alone, that's different from anybody who doesn't have kids.

Yeah, it's challenging. Like, I definitely always try to match them with someone who also has children. Actually, I think that's probably the best just for, like, understanding each other. Like, my current client, now, he has a son. And, you know, like, it really works when I set him up with a girl that also has a child because she's like, oh, I have to reschedule. I have a babysitter. And he's like, I totally understand that. Like, tell her my condolences. Like, I understand. I think it's tough for me to sometimes convince other people that don't have kids to go out with single parents. And I think that's, like, that's. That sucks. So, if anything, the single parents are always very open. It's like, the other people that don't have kids that are like, I don't know. I don't want to date a guy with kids. And I'm like, all right, fine.

Weird people are savages these days.

Yeah, they're savage.

See, because I. In my mind, because I'M dating a single woman or a single parent, you know, a single mom. And whenever I don't have my little girl, she has her little girl. When she doesn't have her little girl, I have my little girl. And it makes it so hard to find that solo one on one time. And so how do you maneuver around that or how have your clients been able to do something that like, works?

I mean, it's definitely difficult, but I feel like any relationship worth having always has an obstacle like that. Like you're, you know, you're just not gonna find it all. You're just not. You have to compromise on something. So I think if it's a priority to you, you know, they just, they work it out, they compromise it, but it's hard. Yeah, you're gonna, you know, they see each other less than they want, of course. Yeah.

And at the end of the day, they understand each other. Whereas one, if one of the people in the relationship did not have a kid, then they wouldn't be able to empathize as well, and the relationship probably wouldn't go that far.

Yeah, that's what I found. That's what I found. Like, I've set up men with women that don't have kids and it's great for a while and then eventually it actually just doesn't work out for some reason usually. Yeah. Because one party, usually the one without kids, will get like annoying that they can't see them as much and stuff and. Well, yeah, child's a huge responsibility. That's, that's. You knew that, right?

So that's very true. So I want to see if you can share with us a juicy success story of a single parent. Yeah, like, like a good success story of a single parent. And maybe they ended up married. I don't know. You don't have to say names or anything like that, but it would be really cool just to hear what you do and then see the result, the outcome. Right?

Yeah, well, yeah, I do. I have one guy, he's three kids actually, so he's been in a successful relationship for over a year that I set him up with. He was the pickiest guy I ever dealt with. Like in matchmaking, you know, I deal with very wealthy eligible guys. They have to afford our rates. That's fine. But he was like, you know, very good looking guy, early 40s, looked like 30, just like, you know, he was like, look, you know, I'm used to dating girls in their 20s, like straight up. I am just used to that. Late 20s is like fine. But actually, like, ideally, I. It's fine if she has kids, but I don't want any more kids. Like, I've had three kids. Like, I'm finished. Like, I'm done, and I'm really fulfilled with these three. And it's a lot, and I don't want any more. And he wanted, obviously someone super beautiful. Cool. I was like, man, my work is cut out for me here because it's. That's tough. Like, try telling a really beautiful girl in her 20s. Yeah, look at him. He's good looking. He's eligible, successful.

He doesn't offer kids.

He has three kids. He wants no more kids. And I mean, so I charged a lot and I struggled for a while. Like, he went on many dates and then, I don't know, the perfect girl just, like, fell into my lap and I had a feeling about her. And I said, like, well, he doesn't want kids. Are you, like, okay with this? And she was like, I actually don't want kids. I'm happy to be the mom and help out with his kids, but, like, I don't. I'm. I don't ever want to have kids. And I was like, you're so perfect. So he, like, he traveled to meet her and he told me it was like, love at first sight. And, yeah, they live together. They're probably going to get married.

That was hard.

That was hard for me to do. That's what matchmaking is. People think it's so fun. They're like, oh, my God, matchmaking must be so fun and, like, so easy. I'm like, I almost feel like it's.

Kind of like wedding planning where you think it's going to be great and then you deal with a bride, literally.

Yeah, it's so stressful. You know, people are really picky. Like, they're coming to a matchmaker to pay a lot because they can't find.

What they're looking for.

And what they want is really hard to find.

Yeah.

Do you ever push them away from what they normally go to? Because if they're normally going to that and it's not working, I mean, why? It's like insanity, right? Doing the same thing, expecting a different result.

Yeah, I try to push them, of course. Like, I try to coach them. Some guys are open to it, some women are open to it, some are not. So I always tell them, hey, like, I'm here if you want to talk. My strategy. And I learned this from my boss because I used to, like, start up front and, you know, diagnose and Be like, this is what's wrong. And then she was like, don't do that. Give them exactly what they want. And then when they hate it and they come to you calling, oh, my God, then be like, are you ready for a change? Are you ready for a change? So, yeah, that's what I do. So it's like, I have a client like that here, the one whose hinge profile I was managing, and he was always going for the same type of girl, and, you know, getting very hurt by it. He was really going for, you know, I live in Miami. He was going for these, like, gold digger types. It's a bad stereotype. But, yeah, you know. Yeah, like, just like, you know, beautiful girl who just only, like, was basically kind of using him. And. But like, any girl that wasn't like a 10 out of 10 looks wise, he was like, no, I don't want to go with her. And it was so frustrating. So I was like, this is so frustrating, but I'm going to send him exactly what he wants. And then after, like, the fifth date, he called me. He's like, this isn't working.

Like, what can I do?

What can I do? Like, this is so frustrating. Like, you know, after, like, the fifth girl that was just again, taking him for a ride, he was like, what can I do? And I was like, well, are you. Are you done having transactional relationships? Are you ready to change? And he was like, transactional relationships? What do you mean? I was like, you are having fully transactional relationships.

You're not even realize it.

You didn't even know that. You didn't even know what that meant. I was like, you're having no intimacy. Like, are you ready to change and be open to a great woman who's going to love you for you and not just your wallet? If you're ready for that. Like, we. Let's talk. He's doing better. He's doing better.

I just. I just don't get how you think that shallow thinking will yield you a deep connection with someone. Like, if you're just. If all you're focused on is the looks but nothing else, bro, what are you expecting?

Yeah, there are.

There are men out there that with a lot of money that literally just want arm candy, and there's plenty of women that will fit that arm. But, yeah.

If.

If you want substance in a relationship, you know, you got to find somebody that's actually going to like you or love you for you, not your wallet.

Yeah. I think he was just so used to the pattern and. Yeah, like, A lot of men, they just want a really beautiful girl and they're kind of willing to do anything for it. But it's like, you know, if you want that status of such a beautiful girl, then, you know, some lot, like, I mean, not all beautiful girls are like this, but, you know, the ones that he was always attracting and looking for, well, they want something too. It's like a deal with the devil and it's never going to go well.

That's crazy. So you've had. How many people have you worked with? A ton of people, haven't you?

Yeah, I wouldn't say I've only been professionally matchmaking, like, three years. I don't know. I would say, yeah, like 20 clients, probably. And a lot of different, you know, database members, which are like free members we put into the database and set them up if they match a pain, what a paying client is looking for. So, yeah, I just deal with people all day.

Sounds so fun. That's incredible, man. I really. I really like what you're doing. I really like what you're all about. Because right now there's just a need for that and there's people that aren't willing to put in the time. But to know that you have a heart, to genuinely help people get a connection, a genuine connection, I think that's. That speaks a lot about you. And honestly, anybody who's listening to this that needs help, like, they need. They need to reach out to you, right? Because at the end of the day, if they're not willing to go and put themselves out there and if they're just wanting to and everyone can do whatever, right? I'm more of an in person kind of. Kind of guy anyways. But if they want to do the apps or anything like that, like, it's cool that there's people out there like you, because modern dating has changed so much. Like, how long have you been doing this?

Three years.

Three years? Yeah. I wanted to do it earlier, but I think I was, like, just worried what people would think. And. No.

And then.

But then I just. I don't know, I think I turned 30 and I was like, you know what? I really want to do this. And it is so honestly, when you do change somebody's patterns and you find them someone, it's so fun. They're like, thank you so much. Like, you change my life. Like, I have clients, like, they send me gifts every birthday, like, oh, thank you for finding my partner. There's nothing better you can do for someone.

That's awesome. One of the Biggest takeaways I hope our listeners get from this because it's certainly one that I got is the fact that these dating apps want to keep you on. And the psychology of it is the fact that because there's always someone else, people become more, very much more disposable. And that mindset, well, if this doesn't work out, I can go back and find somebody else. And it's a vicious cycle. So if you want to take it seriously, you know, I think you need to, you know, step up and comprehend that that's what these dating apps are doing. And they want you to keep disposing and find a new one.

And yeah, no, and like, and my course is really reasonable. Like, it's $100 course, four weeks, videos, exercises, like I go through, tell people.

How they can find you.

You go to moderndatingcoach.com and click on coaching programs. And my Instagram is Laura Rjacobs and I offer one on one coaching too. I try to keep it reasonable because, yeah, I do really want to help people. And I just think, yeah, dating apps, it's so unfortunate what's going on because people are just. They are, yeah, they're looking for someone better. They're addicted to, like, the next message, the next swipe, and it's like, these are real people. These are not. It's not a video game. Like, you're talking to real people. And when you, when you're snappy at someone and you just unmatch them, like, you could have just unmatched your husband. Like, thank God I gave my guy a chance. I was, you know what I mean? Like, people are so. They're not forgiving and they're like, whatever, someone else here is better. But then everyone is unhappy with dating apps. Everyone I talked to is like, oh my God, I can't find anybody.

But they don't change the habit. They don't change their way of thinking. And that's what I teach everyone. Like, bro, if you don't change your thought process, the same result is going to keep happening. And so they literally keep doing that same stuff. And I don't know. That's why I don't like these apps. And honestly, I feel like there's a big culture movement right now of where everyone is saying, you need someone that's going to give you the world, but you only give them just a little bit until they give you the world. And I'm like, you can't do that. If you have that mindset, you will always get dropped and never Be with someone that wants to give you the world. Because a fulfilled human and a fulfilled human come together and create even more fulfillment. But a fulfilled human and someone who's just wanting to suck you dry, that's never gonna work. And if I suck you dry, I don't necessarily mean, you know, but I'm.

Talking about, like, emotionally.

It'S because you laugh. So I was like, I really hope she don't think I meant that.

No, I was. I was thinking more like the energy vampire way. Like, how you're saying it. Like. Yeah, like, that's. No, I know. Yeah. And a lot of people, they have so many guards up, and they're like, oh, prove this to me. Like, I find women. And, like, obviously, I love women. I'm a woman. Like, but, you know, so many guards up, like, and all this stuff online. Like, I saw this meme. It's going around. It's like, I'm no longer dating. I need a 500 word essay on how you will not waste my time. Okay. Are you kidding me right now? Like, girl, like, I'm like, I know.

I wasted my time with that meme.

You wasted my time with that meme? Yeah. Like, they're getting in their own way. Like, really? And I understand it because I was getting in my own way. I, Like, I can take accountability. Like, you know, it's. You're a woman, you've been hurt, and then you're just like, I'm gonna put up so many walls. And it's like, that's not helping.

That's so good. I actually want to. Go ahead.

Yeah, I was just gonna say you change your way, and it worked out well for you. I hope our listeners will change their way. Those that are having trouble moving on and meeting, you know, their match after being divorced or widowed or whatever the case may be. And for those of you out there that want something that's much different than your typical dating app, I hope we're here can help you out.

Maybe. Yeah. For real. And I want to leave everyone with this because I genuinely believe that it. It works and it helps. And this is. This is what I teach. If you're constantly focused on a fear, like, they're gonna leave, they're gonna do this. You will create that. Just.

Yes. You will manifest it.

Yeah, Literally. Literally. But if you will begin to focus on man, there is good men out here that aren't trying to waste my time. Then guess what? The guy that you just started ghosting, maybe that was the one that wouldn't have wasted your time. You just never know. And so for all the single parents, honestly, stop worrying that people are just out to hurt you like the old person did.

Not everyone's like your ex.

Yeah, there are. There's amazing men out there. And I think, yeah, when you're a woman that's been hurt or you have a certain type, like, your judgment is just clouded. And I think, you know, people look for the wrong things, too. They have this huge list of qualifications. Oh, he has to be over this height. He has to not ever have kids. And, well, it's like, honestly, get out of your head because your soulmate is probably not going to be who you think.

That's such a weak list, too, if.

You think about it.

And that's not. That's not just women. That's men.

And too. Yeah, everyone has these qualifications of, like, what they think they want. And it's like you're standing in your own way, like it's a date.

Go for a drink.

Yeah, get out of your own way.

That is so good, man. Well, we'll. We'll end there, man. Thank you guys so much for listening. If you guys liked what you heard and you're interested in switching things up and you're ready to meet a partner, then hit up Laura. She is incredible. We're gonna tag her IG and then you can just DM her. She's obviously pretty interactive in her DMs. That's how we met. And so just shoot her DM and she'll set you up with. With a boss babe that's going to take care of you and that you're going to take care of her. Let's go.

Laura, thank you so much for being our first female guest. We really enjoyed it.

Thank you, guys. Me too.