Our kids will do as we do.

Hey, you're listening to the Single Dads podcast, a podcast for single dads by single dads. In this podcast, you're going to be encouraged and hopefully given some practical tools to be able to become the parent that you've always wanted to be and that you know you can be. Hopefully, this podcast encourages you. Make sure that you download the Single Dads podcast app to join our community. Hope you enjoy the show.

All right, guys, welcome back again.

What's up? What's up?

Same day for us, separate day for you guys. I love this though, man. Two episodes in a week. Hopefully you guys are really gonna enjoy this. We want to make sure that we're giving you guys high quality content. I feel like this is really gonna be able to do it by keeping them short, spicy, to the point, and honestly. Yeah, man.

And also just for all of you out there, if I've got. I've gotten a lot of DMS from people that want to share their story, come on our podcast, and things of that nature. And I know people in our support groups know about this, but if you want to share a story or let people know how you've overcome something, and if it has to do with our show, it's even better. Or our support group. But we're going to start doing like a live once a week. I am anyway.

And is that going to be on Instagram?

Yeah, on Instagram. We're going to do a Live once a week. I'm going to have somebody from our community on that's going to kind of talk about something that will be inspirational to other people in the community as to what, maybe something that. About depression they're going through or something they overcame or whatever the case may be. We're going to start doing that once a week, so just want to let everyone know about that. If you're interested, please DM us on our Instagram. Instagram account.

Yeah, let's get. By the way, guys, these lives, they. They stay on the Instagram.

Yeah.

So it's not like, oh, if.

If it'll be in our app.

Exactly. So if you really want to get your story out, this is a good way to do it. I want to be as bold as to say that if we're able to get a copy of that video from Instagram and get it into the app, I can more than likely get the audio and we can upload it as a podcast episode as well. But don't hold us to that yet. We got to do a little bit more research on that. That way we get your story out. Because, you know, there is power in our testimony. There is power in numbers. And when you share what you're going through and what you've been through, it deposits hope into somebody that's going through the same thing. Because, man, all you got to be is one step ahead of someone to help them. That's it. Help them take that one step. And so make sure that you share your story. We want to hear it. Today we're gonna be talking about something really interested. Scott, you want to start us off with this, bro?

Yeah. So we were just kind of, like, chopping it up, as we always do, and to come up with what we're going to talk about when we get on here. And our last episode, we talked about, you know, what kind of dad we want to be.

And.

I just. I. We started. It kind of brought back some memories, and there was a couple of things. And I have a really cool takeaway from this, so stay with me. When I was young, too young to remember, but I had my brother, who's three years older than me. He went into my dad. My dad's little den, where he hung out and smoked cigarettes and drank beer, and he said, dad, when are you gonna stop smoking? It's bad for you, and it stinks. And as the story goes, my dad put that cigarette out, and he has never touched a cigarette since. Wow. He began jogging, and he became like a. I don't want to say a marathon runner because he didn't compete, but. But he ran every.

He traded addictions, bro. He was like, I'll take this. Leave this addiction. I'll take running.

It's a good one to trade it. And, you know, when I was a teenager, it's no secret that I was f up, and I did a lot of things I shouldn't have, and I was an immature loser. And I said something to my dad, like, you drink? Are you gonna tell me not to, even though I was underage? Yeah. But he's like, because the law says it. You live under my roof, and the law says you're not supposed to. But. But even so.

Yeah.

What did he do? He literally poured the beer out. He was drinking. Never to drink another drop of alcohol again. Wow. Literally, just like that. And those two instances have had more of an effect on me than I realized.

Yeah.

And thinking back as I was talking to Frank, I was just like, dude, this happened, and this happened, and it has allowed me as. As I've gotten older, especially. But it. And through college, it has allowed me to have Self control. It has allowed me to be able to, like, when I might have.

Tell me your nickname, bro. Tell me your nickname.

Houdini. That's so sick. I would be literally be at, like, a party, and there was. If there was drugs there, people are snorting stuff. Stuff and whatever, and staying up all night. And I was able to, like, come to the realization that, like, look, nothing better is going to happen tonight. Just hanging around like a. A bunch of dudes putting stuff up their nose, and I would just. I would just slip out the back, you know, and where'd Fisher go? Oh, but just. Just little things like that. I would. I would always. I. I don't know. I've just been able to identify the fact that, like, this could go south. I always would go back and my. That would always come out. My dad just stopped drinking just like that. Stop smoking just like that and that. So the takeaway, guys, is when you do things. And you said it best, Frank, so I'll let you say it again. Like what? Like what we model. How we. You know.

Yes. What we.

What we see now, what we hear, per se, but what we see our parents do. So as a dad, what you do, your son will. That. That will. It will affect your son, your daughter, your kids in some form or fashion. It will affect each of your kids differently because they'll see different things at different times. But that affected me in some. In so many ways. And kudos to my dad because.

Yeah.

And I've never told him that either, so.

Should tell him.

I will.

But by the way, I love how you and your dad's. I know nobody really knows this, but how you and your dad's relationship has so evolved since this podcast started, bro. Like, it's been amazing, and me and my dad's relationship. But it's because we. We practice what we preach.

It's true. Yeah, but. And it's also opened our eyes to a lot of things that we did. You know, like we're dads, and we're like, okay, why do we do this? Oh, I know why. Well, yeah, so I wanted to throw the, like, just those two things out there, and they have affected me in multiple, multiple ways. And making good decisions is because I've, like, my dad can just stop drinking beer. Why can't I just stop doing this? Why can't I just walk away from doing that? You know, if. If I know it's. It's going to potentially cause harm or put me in a situation that is bad news.

Yeah.

Or could lead to bad Potential. Then I gotta slide out, man.

So Zap disappeared. No smoke bomb needed for Scott. Just back door.

So all you dads out there, everything you do.

Yes.

Literally.

Yeah.

Matters. And just keep that in mind, because your kids hear you, that your kids see you, and they will model that.

Well, they know we know we know. Like, even I was talking to my parents. Okay. I told you this about weeks ago. I was talking to my parents and I was telling them about just some of the stuff I went through because of the divorce, like the depression and the suicidal stuff. And they had no idea of the suicidal stuff, and they had no idea of the stuff that I worked through internally. And I just remember my mom was sitting in the back seat of the car. This is when we were driving back from Destin, and she started crying. And I was like, well, mom, don't make it weird. We're just chatting now. You just made it real. And. And she asked me. She said, she was like, it's just wild that we never really know what our kids are going through, even though we think we do. And then I started.

We don't. We never do.

Yeah. And I started thinking. Exactly. But I started thinking about why in this specific area, I didn't open up to them and share with them. Because I was like. I didn't share with them, but I never thought about why I didn't share with them. And as I started pondering, I started realizing they weren't happy. I could see that. And because I love them so much.

Didn't want to put your problems on them.

Yes.

So. Which. That's such a phenomenal point, dude. I'm glad you said that and brought that up, because when our kids see us upset, whether it's because of co parenting, custody battles, whatever. What? Whatever. Yeah. If you lose your job or if, you know, the millions of things that can allow us to be upset and be human. Right?

Yep.

But we have. We as parents, we have to be aware of how we act. And if we are unhappy or if we do get upset at stupid, small things, we need to do our best to not do it around our kids. Because. And. And I think so few of us would. We don't think about that, bro.

It's what you were just talking about. They're gonna model it.

Exactly.

They're going to model what we do. When your dad was doing those things, you did those things and then you saw him exit out, and it took you a little bit, but eventually you were like, hold up, I can do that too. So you started modeling that it's the same thing with our kids. Like, I know for me personally, I made a decision probably, like, two years ago. I said I was not going to be like my dad, which sounds terrible to say right now.

What aspect, though?

In the fact that I wouldn't be happy? I was like, I am not going to sacrifice my joy.

So. So I'm glad you bring that up because it's. It's a question I was actually gonna ask you. Like, what. In what aspect do you think your dad would not want you to be like him?

I think in that aspect, honestly, I.

Know for a fact, just because of recent conversations, my dad actually told me, and I might have even brought this up in a previous episode recently, that, like, never taking a vacation was the worst decision he ever made. And he's like, I can't get upset about it now because it's done. He's right. Yeah, it's done. But, you know, I mean, it would.

Be kind of cool to go on a vacation now with your dad, because now you are boys. Now you have that. It's the different stages that we talked about in the last episode.

Yeah, he's kind of a chill dude. I don't know that that's gonna happen. I'm just happy to talk. Talk to him on the phone, but, you know, I'm gonna push the envelope. But, yeah, I mean, it's. It's just like, I. I know that he would like the fact that my son's been able to do a lot of cool traveling at such a young age. And it's not because I'm wealthy and I've been able to allow him to go all these places. It's because he's been fortunate to know people or being invited places.

Yeah.

And it's just actually just pure luck. But. Because I certainly, certainly. I mean, we've taken a couple of vacations, but, you know, nothing like crazy, but. Oh, but my whole point is, is, man, it's just crazy. Like, you have to just be, dare I say, Aware.

Yeah, bro. If we grab that reality and we really take it to heart that they're gonna model what we do, not what we say, I think it'll. It'll light a little bit of urgency underneath our butt. Dude. For real. Because I want my daughter. I want my daughter to handle adversity in the best way possible. That means I've got to show her what that looks like. I literally have to demonstrate it so that she's not. It's like, bro, the last episode you were talking about Riley and that experience that happened with that close family member and everything that you had told him, it became real because he experienced it. So imagine if we tell our kids, look, when something bad happens, you have to focus on what you can control. You have to focus on what is possible, not what's going wrong. Focus on what could go right. Focus on finding the blessing. We could tell them that. But then what if we told them that and they saw us do it and they saw us walking with believers.

Yeah.

And then they would become it. You know what I mean? Like, and.

And it's not. We're not talking about overnight. Yes. Success. Overnight parenting success. It's stuff that sticks with them, that molds them. It's who they become.

Yes, yes.

You mold. You're molding your kids as, like every season.

Right.

And how you treat. Every season, you're molding them, and that's who they're going to become, what they see.

Yeah.

So when they see if you're a litigious person that likes to sue everyone that does something wrong, then they're going.

To be a Karen, bro.

They're going to be a Karen. Or a real shitty lawyer.

No, but for real, though, like, man, I'm just. Who do I want my daughter to be? God trusted me with her. What do I want to put inside of her? You know, like, what seeds do I want to plant in her that will harvest later? And I want to encourage everyone because it's true. It's not overnight parenting success. I know I'm not having it. I know you're not having it. But I see these glimpses that I'm like, okay, we're doing something right, and we're doing something right. And the Bible says it right. Raise up, train up a child in the way they should go. But this is the part that everyone misses. And so that when they are of old age, they will not depart from it, which means they might not catch it till they're 40. They might not catch it till they're 50. You don't know, but they're going to catch it. So I don't know, but they're going to catch it.

But I can speak of being older than you and probably most of our listeners, and. But as. As I. As I ended in my 30s and entered into 40 and 41, I literally. That's. That. That was when things really started to, like, make sense from, like, wow, this is why I'm. This is why I am doing this. Because. Because I started, you know, becoming. I was a single parent.

Yeah.

And So I started focusing on like, how I parented and I wanted to identify, like, as to why I'm doing certain things or why am I not. Or why do I not want to, or why do I want to.

Yeah.

And that's kind of when I started noticing things, so.

Oh, that's weird. When you became aware. It's crazy. Yeah.

Right?

It's crazy how that happened. Yeah. So honestly, gentlemen, like, I know you're going through a hard season. We like, everybody is right.

Especially right now with the economy and the world so up. Sorry for the language, but it's, it is tough for, for, for all of us right now and in some form or fashion in different scenarios. And that is why, you know, we, we come on here and talk in the. And hopefully provide encouragement.

Yeah.

And that's why we have support groups which we're expanding on. And I can't wait to talk more about that, but I'll do it in another time. But we are, we are avidly creating more and more resources.

Yeah.

To help you guys. And we just hope these 20 minute episodes that we come on and talk encourage you.

Yeah.

Maybe shift your mindset at the right time and just kind of make you think maybe I should do things a little bit better in this aspect or in this area.

Yeah.

And that's the main takeaway we want you to walk away from today.

Yeah, exactly. Like, bro, today I'll finish with this story and then we can close out.

Awesome.

Today we were at the doctor for my little girl because like a, A pre op appointment because she's about to have surgery and the doctor was going over all this stuff and my little girl's like petrified, like so scared. You know what I mean? And she was literally sitting in between me and my ex wife and she was just like, you know, really down and like really like clinched up. And you know, I was just holding her and she was just like, I'm scared, I'm scared, I'm scared. And I kid you not, bro, in that moment, the first thing that went through my mind is how do I want her to respond to scary situations in the future.

Interesting.

That was first for some reason, bro. And maybe it's because I've been thinking about the podcast today, like trying to think of like, you know, and the more that we think about being aware as parents, it's almost like these things just start popping up. It's funny how our brain works. It helps us that way. But I was like, well, baby, let's pray, let's pray. I was like, because you're going to feel scared. And it's okay to feel scared. I'm like, but if we pray, let's watch what happens to that fear. We prayed. And then I was like, baby, do you feel better? And she was like, yeah. So I'm like, the next. It's not that I can't. I'm not. I can't guarantee that she's not going to ever get scared or face fear in the face, but how do I want her to respond to the fear? And I'm implementing those seeds now. And now, bro. Now that I noticed that today, that is going to be my goal for the next 30 days, is that's what I'm going to be ultra. Anytime she gets scared. Hey, baby, let's pray. Let's pray and start. Seed, seed, seed. So hopefully we get like a harvest later, you know what I'm saying? And you will.

Yeah. That's awesome, man. That's a great way to end it. Thanks for tuning in, guys. We really, really appreciate it. And as always, hope you get a. Get something out of it. And.

It.