Sacrifices of a single parent.

Yes, this is episode five, Single Dad Podcast.

And forgive us if we're breathing a little heavy. We just did some push ups.

We do, man. We stay fit in between filming. Sometimes we even change our shirts so it looks like we're doing them on different days, even though we're not.

Podcast hack, man. I'm excited for today's topic. We actually, we rolled in here and we just started chatting a little bit and we came to a better topic than we were going to do, in my opinion. We're still going to do the other topic, which is, you know, just discipline. How do we discipline our kids? What do we do when they say no? We found some really funny stuff that we're going to share. But today's episode is going to fully revolve around, like, the sacrifices that we make as a single parent. And this is going to be cool because it's complete. Different perspectives from. From what the sacrifices you make and the sacrifices that I make. Right. And how they kind of like, I don't know, they just contrast each other and they're pretty different. And so it's just gonna be cool to, like, chat through those.

And another. That's probably not really cool to you guys, but. So I literally just took my son to his grandma's for the next almost a month. He'll. He'll be coming back for Father's Day, obviously, so more like three weeks. Hang out with his cousins and they're going down to. Well, they're gonna go do some fun stuff. So I just became a single dad, but really now I'm just a. A dad without a kid. So.

For three weeks.

So it's like you literally don't think about, like, oh, I don't have to feed him tonight. I don't have to worry about taking him here or picking him up here. And you're getting the goose. His daughter for the next month.

We're flipping the script.

Essentially.

The tables are turning this next month. Yeah.

So the goose might be coming over while we're filming a couple episodes maybe. Right?

Yeah. Yeah. I'll make sure to bring her, have her say hi, and then I'll give her the iPad to entertain herself for a little bit.

And I would never let my son get on here until he got his freaking haircut hangs below his eyes that he thinks is cool.

Dude. So, yeah, so let's jump straight into it because there's probably, I mean, a lot of dads that are listening right now that make different types of sacrifices.

Right? Yeah.

And it probably, like, I mean, honestly at the end of the day, I think this episode, I want it to be really encouraging for anyone that's listening just to, like, pat yourself on the back and be like, man, I am doing a lot on whichever side of the spectrum of single dad I'm in, whether I get them a little bit or I get them all the time.

If you're a single dad, period, you should pat yourself on the back and on Father's Day. True. You should take that day and do whatever the hell you want to do. And I genuinely hope to God that every dad out there, you're going to get props from us, even though you won't maybe get it on the radio or. You know how I am about that. Yeah. Because on Mother's Day, who listens to.

The radio nowadays anyways?

Busted.

It's all Spotify or Apple music, period. Or YouTube music.

I know. And. And the car I drive has more technology than most on the roads, and I still have the radio on.

Old school versus new school. I like it. But.

Yeah.

Okay, so let's talk about it really quickly. So you came to the realization, like, Riley's about to be gone for a month, and you came to the realization of, like, some of the stuff that you sacrifice. So walk us through that and then tell us a little bit of, like, how to enjoy this next, like, time that he's not going to be around all the time.

Okay. It's. It's funny because I'm going to be completely honest and transparent. When I dropped him off, I had a feeling of, man, I'm gonna miss him. I gave him a big bear hug because he's as big as I am now, and. Which is crazy how quickly that happened as cliches is to say. But gave him a big hug and, like, well, go have fun, buddy. And I think as I drove away, that feeling turned into, I'm free. I'm just being honest. I'm like, all right, what do I have to do now? All right. Frank and I are going to film our podcast, which I love to do. So it's not like I'm going to go to work, even though I guess technically some people refer to this as work, but not for us.

Yeah.

And after that, I don't know, maybe I'm going to grab my golf clubs and go to topgolf. Maybe I might call one of my three friends and see if they don't have their kids or my one friend that doesn't have kids. But to get back to the point, I mean, I literally felt like I'M going to miss him. But I literally got a sense of freedom. Yeah. Which I don't get often. Yeah. It's. I'm not going to lie. It's kind of cool. And. But unlike you, I don't make that, that change often. Right. So for me, it's like an annual thing.

Yeah.

And so I forget what it's like to not, you know, be a full time single dad. So it's, you know, for all you dads out there that may have, you know, co parenting scenario that you change sometimes, maybe you'll get them in the summer or however that works. You know, sometimes it's an annual thing or a biannual thing. Sometimes it's a weekly thing and then you obviously have things worked out. But for me, it's just like a month in the summer. He'll come back for a couple of weeks and then maybe go back for the rest of the summer. I try and get as much break as possible. I'm not gonna lie.

We have them all the time because.

It'S, you know, and when they're, when he's gone, that's when I realize how much sacrifice I make because it's like I could be doing so much more. And, you know, I'm, I'm starting a new workout regimen that I couldn't do. I can't do when he's here.

Yeah.

Which I'm excited about. I'm going to do it. Just, you know, I have, I have a lot of things planned that I'm gonna do for the next few weeks. And then the, you know, toward the end of the summer, I want to have another few weeks.

Yeah.

So I'm gonna take full advantage of it and do some things for me. Yeah. And, but you know, because I'm the rest of the year, it's. I'm always doing things for him. And I also kind of came to the realization that I don't feel appreciated that much now that I'm thinking about it.

Dang. That's deep.

It is deep. And no fault to my son. It's just, you know, he's at that age and I think they don't know how I think, I think, you know, any single dad can, can relate. It's. It's like they don't genuinely appreciate every meal that you put on the table for them or allowing them to, you know, have this or when, you know, I like what, whatever kind of shoes you, you want. You can have that type of thing. I never freaking got that when I was a kid.

Yeah.

So that's something that I, that I've done for him. Like, what kind of clothes do you want? I'll buy you whatever you want. You know, not crazy, but. And, and I think he says thank you once in a while. I mean, it's just, it happens. Maybe it's, maybe it's me, maybe it's the way that I've, I've raised him and I don't know, but I'm just, I'm just literally thinking out loud and being totally transparent with, with, yeah, you know, how things are with me and my son. So.

Yeah, no, and I appreciate that. I guarantee you, anybody else listening appreciates that. But I mean, it's true. Like, you just. And I think that goes for any parent, even if you're not a single parent, like, you don't feel that appreciation, you know, And I gotta be honest, I haven't started really, really vocalizing my appreciation until probably about two years ago with my, with my parents, you know, I mean, and now it's like I tell them all the time, like, man, I'm so, I'm so proud to have you guys as my parents.

That's awesome.

And to be your son. And I'm just like, thank you so much for like, for believing in me and investing like your life into me, you know, but, but yeah. So some of the sacrifices you've made. Well, what's that look like? Whenever you do have them all time.

Just I'm. His schedule dictates my schedule. Yeah, right. 100%. So when I take him to school, you know, I've got to be there for him to feed him, you know, every evening within a certain, you know, a certain time frame. So I don't feed him at 10 o' clock at night. You know, things like that, getting him to, you know, be there for him to talk to and open up and maintain that father son relationship that's so crucial, especially at his age right now. So it's, it's like I've, you know, my life revolves around, you know, my, my mini me, or not mini me anymore, but that's what I used to call him. But, you know, I, and the thing is, what you just said something that kind of hit home and like, I don't have parents to say thank you because I lost my mom in a car accident and you know, my dad's not in my life. So it's just, you know, I, I appreciate so much that they both did, you know, even though I didn't see my dad much growing up, but he was working, and that's kind of how things were back then. And. Yeah. But my mom and I were very, very close. And, you know, it's like anytime something exciting happens or you're. You're my son does something cool, the first thing I want to do is pick up the phone and call my parents, you know?

Yeah.

And. And I can't do that. So that's one of the things that I did do with what we talked about last episode, which was recording the phone. Yeah. I. I recorded while I was alone and just started talking about things on my mind.

How'd it go?

Well, that was one of the things that came up. I was telling my future self how it sucks. Very bad for me because, like, there's so many things that happen in my life. Good. Bad, that the first people I want to tell are my parents, and I don't have that option. And it's. It's. It's sad, and it's something that I think I've kept in. So I don't know, maybe if I keep talking about it to myself or recording it, it will be therapeutic at some point, but.

Well, I think it already was because it brought up something that you didn't even know was there.

Yeah, that's very true.

That crazy.

Yeah. And I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get off topic with talking about that, because I don't want to make this about me, but. Yeah, I mean, as far as sacrifices go, it's like, I think all you single dads out there, as well, of course you. For. I mean, every. Everything is dictated by our children.

Yeah.

And that's it, you know?

Yeah. I saw. I saw a quote by Elon Musk, and he said, my kids didn't choose to be here. I chose to have them, so they don't owe me anything, and I owe them everything. And I was like, dang, dude. Like, when you put it in. In those words and in that perspective, it's like, wow, that's. That's so true, you know, 100% true. And that's where, like, the sacrifices come in, you know? And, I mean, we can call them sacrifices, but it's almost like there's a willingness to. It because we want them to, like, know that we love them, that we want to be there for them and things of that nature.

But.

But yeah, I mean, it's. It's so true. Like, for example, this. This Friday, I'm gonna get my little girl for the entire month of June, and then, like, one week in July, and I Just started training Jiu Jitsu again, which, if you know me, I love, love, love, love Jiu Jitsu. And it's like. I mean, the first, like two weeks training, I lost like £10. And I'm like. And there's just no better feeling than I. In my opinion, there's no better feeling than then, like, you're about to die, but then you don't, or you're about to kill someone, but then you don't, and then you just reset and.

Yeah, we talked about that last episode, I think about working out and just getting it all out. Yeah, stuff like that.

Yeah. And so one of the things that I am willingly going to have to lay down, you know, it's funny that I said willingly going to have to.

Willingly going to have to.

I love that because it sounds like complete opposite, but is Jiu Jitsu, you know, I. I can't go to the 6am class now because my little girl is going to be at the crib sleeping, you know, and so unless I want to wake her up and then lay her down on the mats over there so she can like, try and sleep, but she probably won't because the me, all this, I'm like, I can't. I can't do that to her. You know what I'm saying?

Right.

And so, like, just realizing that. And then also I. I love to meet with people. I meet with a couple guys, not weekly, but, you know, I would say quite often to where we just kind of like mentorship relationships. And I'm probably going to have to be very strategic with those. You know, I'm saying just because I'm still trying to find the balance. And I think all of us can relate where it's like living your life and living like, what you feel is your purpose. Which part of my purpose is to be a father. Right. And for most people, for some people, maybe even like, that's your sole purpose, which. Which is phenomenal. Right. But for me, I feel like I have to find the balance between, like, okay, this is. This is what I love to do and what I am trying to build. And then this is who I love to be with my little girl and who I'm trying to build and then trying to balance. That just. It almost seems impossible because when you're a single dad and you don't have them that much, you. You almost overcompensate, you know what I'm saying?

100%. And one thing that comes to mind when you're talking about this is every year, and I Can say this because my son's about to be 15 years old and having been a single dad for a decade, each year it's gotten easier. And when I say easier, I mean as far as them becoming more self sufficient, which lessens your. I guess it lessens things on what, you know, what you physically have to do and be there for.

Yeah.

But it doesn't lessen responsibility. It doesn't lessen teaching them lessons and so on and so forth. I mean, all of that is constantly changing. But Your daughter is 10.

Nine.

Nine. Almost 10. Yeah. So, you know, when you hold on.

I'm gonna hold on to that nine as long as I can do it, man.

Because it's such a great age. I. I loved like 8, 9, 10. And then, you know, once they get in that, once the. Well, for. For guys, once the voice changes, it's like, you know, I don't want to get my hair cut. I don't want to do this. It's just. I mean, that's how I was. And I mean, not every kid's like that, but I was kind of halfway joking too. But, you know, things change. Are constantly changing though, as the age of your kid or kids, you know, get older.

Yeah.

So. And I'm sure you've noticed that, you know, over the years, but maybe haven't thought about it. But as they get older, you'll start to think about it because it's like, you know.

Yeah.

All right, I can actually leave the house and leave my son at home.

Yeah.

Comfortably. You know, not for like all night or anything. But I mean, I'm not gonna go like downtown. Right. I'm gonna go out and do. Do it up and come home at 3am or something. But I can go. So I can go places and he. Trust him at home. Whereas you can't do that.

Yeah.

Right.

Nope.

So that's. You kind of get what I'm saying now? So, like, once she gets to the age where you feel comfortable.

Yeah.

And trustworthy or she's trustworthy enough to stay home alone and you feel that it's safe, then things kind of open up for you, you know, and you're able to maybe get in that, you know, meet up with your. With your friends for what, you know, whatever. Yeah. You can start doing those things. And it does open up, you know.

Yeah.

Your schedule a little bit.

That's so true. Because I'm just sitting here thinking about my girlfriend. Did you see I made it official. Facebook official.

Yeah, man. Yeah, man.

Made it Facebook official. So. But that's official with. With her and, like, her little girl. I've noticed, like, me with the goose. It's been. It's been a minute since she was 2, you mean a long time. But my girlfriend's little girl, she's. She's two right now, and all it's been is, like, mommy and her. And so anywhere that she goes, like, she follows you. I mean, and she'll, like, tell me all the time. She's like, it's just so hard to get things done because I can't. I can't be away from her. Right. And. And you know, that stage.

So you see exactly what I'm talking about.

Yeah.

Especially such a young age. And I don't mean to, like, sidebar and just completely shift, but brings up, like. And maybe this is a topic for another episode. But at what age, like, you just got made your official girlfriend official.

Yeah. Right.

So when do you feel comfortable introduce making that introduction to your daughter? And is it right away? Do you wait a certain amount of time? I'm very curious as to everyone out there, how long they wait, because the last thing in the world you want is that revolving door. It's something I've always been cognizant of, and I've, you know, been careful. Not that I've had, like, a crazy revolving door, but we'll just leave that at that.

Bro. Honestly, I think that's a. That's a great full episode right there. Honestly. Maybe, like, we can cover. Because we're gonna have to cover dating, and then we're gonna have to cover the introductions, But.

But it is a question that. That I'd like for everyone to think.

About because, well, I guarantee everyone's thinking about it too.

Of course.

That's, like, in the dating world, I'm just.

I'm just. Just out of curiosity, I want to know what other people do, because I know. I think I could be wrong. I think women are more protective than men. As far as introducing again, I could be totally wrong, but just based on historically thinking, you know, the. You know, any girl that I ever dated that had a kid or kids, and to be honest, thinking back, like, the ones that would introduce me, like, instantly, I pretty much bail instantly. Because that kind of tells me, like, a little bit of a red flag. Well, it's like, if it's so easy for you to do, you probably do it often.

Yeah.

You know, that's a great point. Now, that's not me saying assumptions are okay. That's just me making an observation and deciding I Don't want to hang out with you anymore. Yeah.

Either I want to take part in it or not.

Right.

Yeah.

So it's just something, you know, I'd like to get other. I love to get other people's opinions on such topics. Yeah. Yeah.

I think those are going to be some fun episodes, man. Some really fun. Especially when we bring Maddie on, I think. I think we're going to have a lot of fun on just the whole dating.

You've brought Maddie. Matt is a buddy of Frank's who is also a single dad, and I have not met him. I've heard great things about him and he has a. What does he do? Tell people what he does. Like so. On social media and whatnot.

Oh, yeah.

So. Because we've talked about him or you brought him up every episode.

That's true. And I haven't even introduced you guys or given you guys, like, a little profile about him, so. Dude's actually really cool guy. I don't have my phone because that's where we're filming on. Or else I would give you his TikTok username. But I think he does like consulting, to be honest.

I think that's, like, that's not abroad.

Like, I'm. I'm not. I'm also a consultant, but all I know was this dude was in my life since I was a kid. He ended up marrying one of my cousins, and then they ended up splitting.

How many cousins do you have? Right?

Don't. We'll be here all night.

I know. That was a joke.

It's like a kingdom of just Mexican cousins. Like, if you guys need something done, let me know. I got a cousin that. That can handle that for you. But, yeah, so. And I just. I stayed really connected with him because he was kind of like the only spiritual father figure that I had growing up, you know, like my dad. How old is. Not really. He's. He's in his 30s, probably like 36, 37. But now he's actually popped off quite a bit on. On Tick Tock. He's hilarious, man.

Yes. I've seen some of his videos and yeah, I'm like, I. I gotta meet this dude. So. Yeah, having him on our podcast will even be cooler. In fact, I don't even want to meet him until he's on here because it'll make it a lot more interesting.

Yeah, get like, that raw reaction.

Totally, bro.

It'll be awesome. Anyways, great guy. He's been through a lot and he's gone through a lot of healing. He's the dude that told me about that technique, the talking to the phone thing. And so I think, honestly, it'd probably be cool to have a couple episodes with him where we hit like, dating and then healing like from a relationship. When you do introduce that person to your children and you get fully invested and then they dip, you know, I mean, and things of that nature. So I think that's going to be like, super, super interesting also. But I mean. Yeah, that's. That's Maddie in a nutshell. Sorry. We're like all over the place on this.

We really.

Which is cool though. I like it. I hope you guys are enjoying it.

Yeah. If you guys haven't figured out if you've watched previous episodes or listened to previous episodes, you probably understand and realize we don't have scripts. We just think, hey, let's talk about this.

And we drink nitro cold brews every single time. So the caffeine does not help.

Yeah. If it's, you know, pre 4 o' clock in the afternoon and on the day, then we might switch over to Modelo. But that's. If. That's. If we go long and then things get really all over the place. But nevertheless, I hope people aren't pissed off that we just went all. Everywhere today. But it's probably a good time to wrap up. You've got to. You've talked about Matt or Maddie almost every episode, at least in a mention. And so he's obviously going to be our first guest on the show. Yeah. And I'm looking forward to that.

TBD on the episode.

Yeah.

Still to. To be determined on which episode he'll be on.

Yeah.

But it'll be fun because he's got his own podcast to the Dallas Dating Diaries. That's a. Yeah, it's a dating podcast.

So I'm excited. I think he'll. He'll bring a lot to. To the show. Being a single dad, having a podcast about dating diaries, I mean, and his.

Personality alone, man, like Will Ferrell and Ryan Reynolds combined, man, it just sounds.

Like a couple of guys with a man crush. I don't even know this guy.

Anyways, back to sacrifices. We all make them. And I think at the end of the day, probably the most important thing that I've realized as a father is we. We always have to weigh it. We have to weigh the sacrifice. Right. And so it's like, is this worth being away from my child and what message is it gonna send? And then being. Being super intentional with our communication. So with my little girl, like, there was A moment where I'd have to leave her every Thursday because I was running a church group.

Right.

And I didn't want her, in her mind, to think church is pulling me away from my dad.

Yeah.

Pulling my dad away from my. That's a very real thing. So, you know, eventually I made. I had to make the decision of, like, hey, I'm gonna have to stop this group, because I need to, like, focus over here, you know, and, again, weighing that. But I was always. I was always communicating to her, like, hey, baby. Like, this is why I have to do this. This is why I'm doing it. There'd be times where I'd even take her with me for a little bit, and then my parents would go drop her off or something, you know, but. But it's just always weighing the options. And if. If there's absolutely no way to, like, get past it, I just personally want to make the decision to be. To communicate above and beyond, which I know can be hard as men, especially if we didn't grow up communicating and being vulnerable and things of that nature. But I think they appreciate that, you know, 100.

It's such a valid point you make. And, you know, I think it's a great way to kind of wrap the episode up, but, you know, being intentional with your communication in regards to the sacrifices made. Yeah. So they understand because children think, you know, depending on what age you know how they think, sometimes we forget that, you know, they're. They're not thinking like, we are. So being intentional with your communication and letting them understand the sacrifices in a way that they can understand, that's so good. Absolutely crucial. So great way to wrap things up, and great points you made, Frank. Um, so again, guys, all you single dads out there or everybody watching or listening, we genuinely appreciate you, and we hope to, you know, get as many people watching and listening as possible and involved. Our goal is to, you know, just kind of create a community of a. A place where we can talk about, you know, all the various things is, you know, being a single dad has. And, you know, and help people and make it therapeutic, make it funny. So we hope we, you know, as cliche as it is, helped at least one person with this podcast and whatever if we did, please share it with somebody and let us help two people.

And worst comes to worse, hopefully you just enjoyed hanging out with us.

Yeah, pretty cool.

But we'll catch you guys on the next episode. We're super excited. Make sure, like, share all that good stuff, and we'll catch y' all on the next one.