Setting up our kids for success

Episode 6, Man, We didn't even change shirts because we don't need to filming two in one day, honestly, just because we really enjoy it. But, man, Scott brought something up in between episodes that I think had to absolutely be captured because I truly do believe that this is, like, something that goes through everyone's mind. And if anything, I think it causes us a ton of anxiety because it's the thing that probably consumes us more than anything else, and that is what the heck are we going to do to set our kids up for their future.

Right.

Whether that be in any given area. That could be. Financially, that could be. What are. What's our plan for, like, getting them invested into certain trades, certain, like, life skills, things of that nature. And I think that's just going to be something. Honestly, man, just good to talk about on here. So if you want to just.

Yeah, well, one of the things that I had. I brought up that I think is, like, super important. One of the things I brought up that I think is, like, super important, man, is like, I asked Frank, like, what do things look like for your daughter when it's time for her to go to college or when she graduates high school? We all are very aware that a couple hundred colleges closed during the pandemic.

Yep.

That's. That's a fact. Yep.

And the popularity for school is just going down more and more.

I mean, I think nose diving. Who was it?

Elon Musk said I would never hire someone that has an MBA because I'd have to completely retrain them.

Yeah. I'd have to untrain them and then train them.

Yeah.

And, you know, there's been businesses that, like, when I was in the auto industry, I would never hire a salesperson that had been a salesperson at another auto dealership.

Yeah.

Because we did things completely different.

Yeah.

I hated people that came in thinking they know everything and so on and so forth. But point, I don't want to get off track here, but, you know, it's like, what, what, what. What are we doing right now? And I was asking Frank, I'm like, did I screw up earlier in fatherhood by allowing my son to stop playing soccer because maybe he thought he wasn't good enough because I didn't push him enough when he quit martial arts? Was it because I didn't push him enough?

Yeah.

You know, is it. Is it bad of me to allow him to just quit because he wants to? And, you know, I. In my situation, I know I have allowed him to do or not do things.

Yeah.

Because he had he, you know, he's, he's growing up without a mom. You know, his mom passed away when he was 5. And it's, I can't not think about that.

Yeah.

And I, I just wonder how many decisions I've made because of that making, allowing that to be like, in my head, like, well, and then so I, I, I, I constantly think that have I screwed up in certain aspects being, being a dad. And it's, it, it does cause anxiety. And you know, what, what is he, you know, I want, I, whatever the heck he's passionate about, I'm, I am so willing to double down on and support him. And like, and I mean, especially now that, you know what I just said, like, I know I've allowed him to stop or quit or whatever other things. So, you know, right now I'm concerned because his, the main, what he's, he loves to do is, is gaming just like a lot of kids. And you know, I, I get that. You know, when I was a kid, Nintendo, it was, you know, what we, what we had, Super Mario Brothers and whatever, Sega and all that. But now it's like a legitimate sport where people, you know, like Gary Vee is part owner of, what is it.

Vayner Sports or something like that.

Yeah, he's got his owner of a, a team and, and a gaming team, so you can make a living doing it. But it's like, how many kids actually do is that, you know, do I need to, you know, open his. I don't, you know, I, I just don't know. And I, I think there's a lot of, a lot of dads out there that have to be in my situation. And that's why I'm bringing it up because, yeah, I don't have all the answers. I wish I did. And you know, I just want to make the right decisions and, you know, loving your child, supporting your child, making sure they stay in the, you know, in the right lane through their, their teen years and, and not make, you know, making any like, crazy stupid mistakes. That's, yeah, that's my job and that's what I'm focused on the most. But there's other things that I need to focus on too. And I think sometimes I let some go by the wayside and it concerns me.

Yeah, man, I, I agree 100% because I, I think about that quite often, you know, especially because just, just how my little girl is right now, you know, just being like on the autistic spectrum, things of that nature. I, I cannot help but to like, think about that. And what I've gathered is like, I started, I started realizing that the reason why I'm always so concerned about her future is not just because I want her to succeed and have like a fulfilling life, but it's because as men we like to be in control.

Yeah.

And that's one thing that we can't control. And I think the reality of that, like us, us beginning to think about that and accept that is scary as crap.

Like, extremely.

You know what I'm saying? Like the, the fact that I am not in control of my daughter's outcome, I can do everything I can, you know, like, you know, I love Jesus and like the Bible says, like, you know, to train them up in the way that they should be. And I think that's just more character wise. And then after that it just becomes into like, for me personally, it comes to trusting God that you have my little girl and, and I am going to raise her to fall in love with you kind of thing and to trust you. And I'm going to do my best to put my core values in her, which is why I'm obsessed right now with developing my own core values and becoming the best person I can be. Because if we are replic our kids, ourselves and our kids, which is really what we're doing. Right. Like our parents replicated their, their weaknesses and a lot of their strengths in us. That's just kind of how it is. And we get some from here and some from them or some from the mom and some from the dad kind of thing. And I just want to replicate like hard work, empathy, gratitude, like these specific things in her that I feel, I genuinely feel will create success in her life and fulfillment. Because success is relevant, Right. Or relative, I should say.

Relative, yeah.

Success is relative. So for, for somebody, you may want your kid to like become a multi, multi, multimillionaire and for some parent, you're like, I just want them to be happy doing what they love with a, with a family that, somebody that loves.

Them if, if that's what happiness is for them.

Exactly.

So you know what, what's happened? I, I think there's probably a lot of parents and especially, you know, we're talking about dads right now, you know, that have in their mind what they, they think. They have a picture of like what they look, think success or happiness looks like for their kid at age 18 or at age 25. You know, Mary isn't married with a couple of kids and a dog and yeah. Owning a home. But you know, that's not the way the world works now. And you know, home ownership is not like the, the, the. When it's time for my son to own a home, I don't think he'll want to. I think the way the world's moving, it's like everyone's so true. Becoming nomadic.

Yeah.

So the world's changing, so.

And that's scary in itself and creates more anxiety for the future.

It does, but, but it also, it's like also in a weird way provides me with some relief because, you know, as I was telling you before, it's like college is not as crucial and important as it once was. Unless you want to be like something, you know, that you need a degree for, like a nurse or a doctor or a lawyer or an engineer or, you know, the list goes on. But if you're just going to be involved in marketing or your passion is, you know, creating content and social media, things like that, you know, that's self taught. Yeah. I mean we have the Internet, we have YouTube. I mean, literally there's not a, there's no such thing as asking a question to somebody and arguing over the answer because we just say, hey, Alexa, what's the answer? Right?

Yeah.

Or man, Siri, or whatever.

That's so true.

And it's funny because I, I realized, I was like, why, why am I having an argument with you about something? Hold on, here's the answer. Yeah, argument over, bro.

I'll never forget little side story, but I was having a discussion with someone about how there has never been an overdose on marijuana. Like an overdose death. Right. And this specific person was just, yes, there, it's adamant that there was all this stuff. And all I said was, can you just Google it? And if there was an overdose death caused by marijuana, it would be the number one thing on Google when you, when you look it up. Because everyone wants that to be the case so that it's, it can be criminalized. You know what I mean?

Well, if it were one of three or four other drugs or something like that. Yeah, but.

And not just marijuana, the answer was not there because it doesn't exist. And this person would not accept the fact that, that it doesn't exist. They're like, there has to be. I'm like, in 2020, you know, I mean, like if that existed, it would be on Google. But all that to say is, yes. Like, we have so much stuff at our fingertips right now. Like all my video editing, everything that I've learned to like on how to do podcasts on how to create logographic. Does all, all of these things I learned from YouTube self taught, literally. And, and I don't even tell people self taught. I'm like, I'm YouTube top bro. Like, I went to the, you know.

Yeah, right.

University of YouTube.

And that's, that's what so many people are monetizing too, is just, you know, webinars that teach people.

Yeah.

You know, about how to be the best sales or how to market. Yeah. How to monetize your podcast. Yeah, whatever. And you know, I did not read or do a ton of research about how to have a successful podcast. I think I've watched enough to know. You just have to be yourself, have a topic that people are interested in and be consistent with, you know, showing up to talk about it.

Yeah.

And, you know, maybe we'll get to 100 subscribers one day and that'll be awesome.

Yeah, that'd be phenomenal.

We're happy because 100 people want to listen to us, hang out with us. Yeah. Literally talk about what we talk about. But you know what? We don't really have a goal. We're not, you know, this isn't the end game for us. It sure would be nice if it were. Yeah. Because we love doing it.

Yeah. Well, and here's something that I would like to challenge all of us with anyone who's listening, and me and you. It's like I was telling you earlier how Gary Vee was talking about. We love Gary Vee, if you can't tell. So we reference him a lot. And also the simple fact that he's like predicted all of the business future for the past, like 10 years, literally. So everything, where everything is going, culture is going, finances, business, college is going.

Under with the next recession, everything.

And he, he, he posted this TikTok and he was talking about how when you were a kid, you probably told your dad when you were dreaming when you were at your healthiest state, let's put it that way. Because when we're kids, that's when we are the healthiest that we can be. Right. That's when we're so creative because we haven't physically, mentally. Yeah. We haven't bitten our, our brains haven't been jot down.

We haven't been tainted yet.

Yes.

Most of us, anyway.

Yeah, exactly. And I mean, obviously everyone goes through things and all that good stuff. We want to be sensitive to that. But that is where your brain is just running, where you're like, I would love to do this, you know, and it's so out of the box. And it's so crazy that most parents are like, you need to chill and do something normal. So in this video, Gary Vee talked about how you probably told your dad when you were a kid that you wanted to be a chef and your dad probably said, so you're just going to work at a restaurant all your life, not knowing that in 10 years, Gordon Ramsey or Rachel, whatever the heck her name is, like, all these people would start blowing up as famous chefs. And more, more than that, somebody who's passionate about cooking that starts a YouTube channel and teaches you how to cook recipes makes probably a better living than anybody that has an mba, doing it.

From their home if they want to or wherever, and loving what they do. And that's. That. That is the end game for, for me, same. That's the end game for my son. And what I'm, you know, when I, when I just said something, I was like, there's also some relief in what we're talking about. Yeah. That relief is the fact that, like, doing the exact opposite of what our dads or did or whatever, saying like, no, you need, you gotta go to college. You gotta do. You know, I get, we get that things are changing and they're changing big time, drastically and fast, fast, faster than anybody can even keep up with. Yep. I mean, it's crazy that, you know, you got teenagers becoming millionaires over dogecoin and, and, and things of things like you guys like that.

You got kids becoming multi, multi, multi millionaires. Opening up toys, bro.

Right, exactly.

On YouTube. So, like, that's if, if we're always supposed to be students. Right. Anybody who's healthy is always a student, period. You're always learning. Why not learn from our kids? Because like, like Gary Vee said in that video, he said, I would listen to your kids because your kids, you hated that they wanted to be a chef and you hated that all they did was play video games. Now look at where we're at. Chefs is like something that your parents are like, you should do it and you should chase this and go 100%. And then. And gaming, it's like, hey, you love it. Cool. I'll get you the best equipment. We're going to start your streaming channel, whatever it is, because there's an actual future with that now. And so I would say, like, the hard pill to swallow is to acknowledge the fact that maybe we're wrong. You know what I mean?

Like, in what aspect?

Maybe maybe I'm wrong by thinking my little girl has to do X, Y and Z. Because X, Y and Z may be irrelevant in the next 15 years.

Which is kind of my point earlier. And the thing is, is again, that as parents, it's almost like human nature for us to want to see our kids doing X or X in the future.

Yeah. And it comes from a pure place.

It does. I mean, it comes from our intent of wanting them to be happy.

Yeah.

But what is genuinely going to make them happy? I. I think is. Starts right now, and I'm learning this as I say it and going to make some changes after I say this, but I'm going to start talking more about what are you genuinely passionate about? What do you want to learn more about? And making that happen and helping, you know, do you want to learn about digital currency? Do you want to learn about investing in the stock market? You know, let's learn that stuff together. And what if he says no? Well, then we figure out what he wants. Yeah. And, you know, if he doesn't want to learn about anything, then that's another conversation I need to have. Yeah. You know, because I'm. I'm hungry for knowledge. And I have, you know, my, My career I've had, you know, when I was your age, I. I owned my own business already. And through my 30s, I had had some great success. And then I had, you know, the, the biggest career bomb ever. And that's. Had, that's followed. That follows me today. And it's, you know, it was like, you know, you just never know what's going to happen.

Yeah.

And I, I was invincible. I. And I did everything ethically I did. I came from a good place. I had a great reputation. I did, I didn't do anybody wrong even when I had the opportunity to. Yeah. And I still got burned. And because of circumstances and situations, I don't ever blame anybody for my, my reality except for me. And I made decisions that, you know, whether. Yeah, sure, I was injured and I can blame it on this, that, and the other. But at the end of the day, and my whole point in saying all this is, you know, if I didn't fail so horribly at one of many businesses, you know, I was successful at so many others, and I failed miserably at one. And it wasn't because I did anything bad or illegal or wrong. It just happened. Yeah.

And you might, you might be onto something right here. Because the thought that just came to my mind is the only thing that life guarantees us is failure. Think about it.

Yeah.

For any human, any, Anybody listening right now, I guarantee you you have failed. At one moment in your life in some area. And we have so much anxiety about our kids futures because we have, there is a lack of control there. But the one thing that I think we can control is how they handle failure from a young age. You, I mean, so even I know for, for my little girl, I try so hard. Whenever she's trying something, she fails. So I mean, something that's really hard for her to do and for some people, it might be hard to believe is her, her socks, like bunching her socks into like one. Yeah. That is extremely difficult for her to do. You know what I mean? Which you wouldn't think at nine years old. Right? And so I remember asking her to help me fold the laundry and she said because of. Yeah, of everything. And so I remember asking her to help me fold the laundry one day. And she's, she's such a servant, man. She has such a servant's heart. She always wants to help. And so as soon as I asked her to help me with something, she's like all, all down for it right now. She's kicked back a little bit about, about it more. And I think I know why. It's because of the failures, you know what I mean? And she doesn't like failing. And so this moment I was teaching her, I said, look, grab the socks and then you're gonna go like this, right? And she was trying, but she, she couldn't, she couldn't do it. And it like, it broke my heart honestly, because I was like, man, like, she doesn't know how to like fold her socks, you know what I mean? And that, that's me and her mom's fault because we haven't sat down and took the time because with her, we have to take more time to show her that. Right? And so I was super patient. It took us about 30 minutes and she failed over and to the point where she had tears in her eyes. She was so frustrated because she wanted to do it and she saw probably how daddy did it so easily.

It's got to be so difficult to watch, man.

It was, it was, it really, it really was. And it makes me a little emotional just because I love her so much. Right?

Yeah.

But at the same time, she saw how easily I was doing it and I could see the desire in her to do, do it. But I could also see the frustration of like, I just cannot do it. And then she would just tell me, she's like, I can't, I can't. It's too hard, it's too hard. I Can't do it. I can't. And I was like, look, Goose, like, just try again, baby. You know? And then I would put her hands in the positions, and I'd be like, do it like this. Do this motion. Do this motion. And I'm telling you, man, for one pair of socks. Took us about 30 minutes. And then she finally did it. And she was so happy. So, so, so happy. And I, like, I'm just now thinking about that moment, that.

That moment and that patience and whatever it was that you did, she'll remember the rest of her life. And it taught her something.

Yeah.

Never give up. Right? And whether you've realized that at that moment, at that moment in time, or you're realizing it now, that's it's a fact.

Yeah.

And good for you. It's a really cool story to hear.

I appreciate that, bro. And I honestly, like, what I was talking about earlier, that. About the core values, like, that's the one thing we can't control about their future, is what they believe, why they believe it, what's. What's in them. And for me, that's something that my dad always taught me, you know, I mean, my dad wasn't like a super loving dad, anything like that, but I know that even in. In basketball, I remember being in the back of the car multiple times where I wasn't allowed to play because I wasn't good, you know? And then he was just like, just be patient. Like, you will have your time, I promise you. Just keep. Just keep working at it at home, you know? And so I would just literally have weighted vest, ankle weights, and me and my brother would just be out there. I'd put on the dribbling goggles, and I would dribble on rocks because I wanted to, like, be better. And I would mess up over and over again. He'd just be like, just. Just keep trying. Just keep trying. Next thing you know, I'm the star point guard, you know what I mean? So he taught me that. He taught me to, like, never give up. And I know for a fact, like, and I. I think this gives me a lot of peace, you know? And this is so. Man, I'm happy we talked about this because this is very therapeutic for me right now. But, like, I'm just realizing this. Like, I can be confident in my little girl's future because I am, little by little, instilling her, like, the value of never giving up. Just like my dad did me. And I know I'm gonna be all right. And my dad knows I'M gonna be all right because I do not. Stop.

That's awesome. And. And actually kind of is a good segue into something that just popped into my head. You know, you hear a lot about, you know, if your kids on soccer team, like, everybody gets a trophy, you know?

Yeah.

So. So, like, oh, we're all. We're all winners. And I know this. That's. It's a controversial topic, and I'm not gonna go there because I'm not. Because I don't want to piss anybody off.

You probably got someone listening right now that's like, heck, no. You're only a winner if you win.

It's true. But my. My point is, is so you kind of know how I think. But it. It's literally what. What we allow our. Our children to. To understand growing up, you know. Yeah. Everybody doesn't get a freaking trophy.

Yeah.

You know, you can. You've gotta. You gotta feel what it's like to lose.

Yeah.

Because that's what life is going to give you time and time again. And, you know, and sometimes, you know, I've suffered more loss than I would wish on anybody. And not even. I don't really have any enemies, but even if I did, I wouldn't wish on my worst. And I actually made a decision. This is totally off topic. To not have enemies anymore. People that have wronged me. And it. It takes too much energy to. To not like somebody.

We don't got time for that, man.

It's bs.

Yeah, but we don't got time for all of that. Not, not like we don't have time to talk about it, but we don't have time for that in our life, bro.

No, I got too much other crap to worry about. Exactly.

Not, you know, like being a single dad and running a phenomenal podcast.

Yeah. But, you know, and there's. And there's a lot of really crappy single dads out there. And, you know, they're not listening to this because they're crappy single dads.

It's probably. It's probably true.

And if they are, then maybe they're becoming less crappy dads. Nevertheless, you know, Journey, we're all on. My whole point here, Frank, is that it is okay for our kids to, you know, I mean, unfortunately, my son suffered great loss at a young age, and. And how that's affected him. It's impossible for me to genuinely empathize.

Yeah.

You know, I've tried, but I don't know. And, you know, he's. He's been teased at school which is crazy for that. And you know, bullied and you know, so he suffered a lot of sadness and yeah, that breaks my frickin heart. But I can't, you know, at the end of the day, I also don't want to like baby him, which is why I've kind of taught him, hey, if somebody says something so over the line, then freaking do what you got to do, bro. And, but you know, I just think that, like, if, if, if we don't allow our kids to understand that. Sorry. Having a little issue. All right, we're good. If we don't allow our kids to understand what losing is like and what failure is like, then how the heck are they going to deal with it when they're, when they're older? And as you said, you know, I mean, I literally, I never thought that when I, when I was 30 years old, when I was your age, I literally didn't have a thought in my mind that I would fail. And especially doing everything the right way and you know, it's crazy. I did and it wasn't intentional and I did again. You know how hard that is to accept and deal with. It's been one of the toughest things. Um, and I still to this day, it, it hurts, man. It really hurts to, to have worked so hard to build something from ground up and then just ripped from you. Ripped from me. And not because I did something that I shouldn't have done or something like that. You know, just circumstance.

Yeah.

And, and that's where we have to, that's, that's where people need to realize, you know, it's all about unforeseen circumstances.

Yep.

And how you handle them. And it's how I handle. How I've handled it has been. I haven't been proud of some ways I've handled it because it's, I've allowed it to keep me from growing or as an entrepreneur, doing more than I've done. It's almost like I, I, I, I have like a, this, this little voice in the back of my head, like, if you build something up again, it's gonna happen. Some, something will, you know, cause it to. And so I just kind of, you know.

Yeah.

Just I, I build something and I sell it for probably less than it's worth or, and start over with another project. Yeah. Or whatever. And you know, it's just, again, I'm not trying to make this about me, but more so it's just like it, you have to, you have to prepare your kids for failure. That's, that's the bottom line. Yeah. And because again, it's. It's not always about them making a mistake or a bad decision.

Yeah.

It's just circumstance, man.

And like, I. One of my buddies said this the other day we went to Dallas, and. And he was preaching there, and he said, life is not what happens to you, but it's what you let it cause in you. So, like, when something happens, we now have a choice of, like, okay, you know what? I'm going to let this thing limit me. Because, dude, pain. Pain will limit us, and it'll make us scared to take chances. And, like, I mean, if I remember when I was training Muay Thai, the first time I ever got dropped, I got kicked in the liver. Like. And you see boxers all the time when they get punched in the liver and they just go down and people are like, oh, what the heck? Let me tell you something. When you get hit in the liver, I'm just. I'm just saying, like, it's the worst, most excruciating pain you'll ever experience before you die. But in that moment, I remember I had a choice. And I was like, I can either get back up because my coach said, all right, bro, take this round off, and then you're gonna go back in the next round to keep sparring. And I was like, I could call it quits right now or. Or I could do what he's been telling me from the get go and tuck my freaking elbow so that doesn't happen again or limit the chances of it. So I tucked my elbow and I said, I'm not going to quit because that was extremely painful. I am going to do something to protect myself and take caution. And guess what? If it happens again, I've been there, done that, know what it feels like. So I'm just going to get up and try again, you know, and that's. That's what I want to put in my little girl. I want to put resilience.

Yeah. So metaphorically speaking, that, you know, take that and, you know, put it into any situation in life and figure out how to get up and do it again and guard. Even though it might have been something that you couldn't have stopped, now you know how to stop that from happening again.

Exactly.

At least.

Exactly. And so, I mean, at the end of the day, I think if we want to set our kids up for success, it comes down to how are we parenting and what are we depositing in them? Because I think there is practical things that we can do, like set up, you Know, mutual funds, things like that, so that financially it's a little bit easier for the, in the future so that they can pursue and have room to kind of like, I want to really invest into this or into this or into this. But if you do that, if you set them up with $100,000 by the time they're 18 and then they have the opportunity to try things, if they fail once and they don't realize that, hey, this is okay, I can keep going, that 100 GS is going to go to waste. But if you get, if you put that into the hands of someone who's resilient, like, they'll find a way to make that 100,000 again and more.

You know, I mean, a lot, A lot of people are probably thinking $100,000 in crap. And in essence, it's, it's not a significant amount of money these days. However, if you're smart and you think about, you know, okay, I have a hundred thousand dollars and this is my end goal, then you can make a hundred thousand dollars. A lot of money.

Yeah.

If you're smart.

Yeah.

And what we can teach our kids is how to be smart and how to look at that. Hundred thousand dollars is not chump change, but a hundred thousand dollars is an opportunity. And that is the biggest thing that I think if, if nothing else from this episode people get is, hey, teach your kids that anything is an opportunity.

Yeah.

And to view things as opportunity. And because you know what the major, whatever the majority of people think, if you think the opposite, you have a much better chance of having success in life.

Yeah.

Because the majority of people, sadly, are lazy. They won't show up. I mean, if you've ever owned business, you know how many employees, like, it's just like with a relationship to some extent, there's that honeymoon period and then they just get lazy or terrible or.

I hated having employees, man. It was the worst.

It's, it's, it's just amazing. There's, it makes it easier for smart people to, to have success because there's the majority, the 90. Whatever percent, you know, aren't going to show up, aren't going to continue to do a season two of podcast because we only got 40 subscribers or 40 listeners. Right. We're, that's not going to stop us from doing. Exactly. Episode or, I'm sorry, season two and season three. We're going to do it because it's what we set out to do and, you know, whatever happens, happens. Yeah, we'll, we'll pivot we'll figure some things out to improve on if. If we only got 30 or 40 people. But our. My point is, is like, you know, setting that example for.

For our kids, you know, and if we're going to teach our kids to find opportunities and look for opportunities, it starts with us 100. And I want to challenge anyone who's listening right now to look for the opportunity to teach these things in the. Day by day. Right. When you're folding laundry, like, don't get ticked off at them because they don't know how to do it. Find that. Find the root cause on. Wait, why don't they want to do this? Because there's a reason why they don't. My little girl didn't want to fold laundry because she felt so frustrated. She fel. Like she could not genuinely do it.

Empathize or. Or. Or ask the questions until you figure it out.

Exactly. I'm like. But I mean, at the end of the day, this might sound bad, but if you're not willing to put in the work, then. I'm sorry, don't expect your kids to. Yeah, I'm.

If you.

If you're not willing to invest into your kids, then I don't know what to tell you, man. Like, that's what. That's all parenthood is. Is literally like unknown investments that we're doing every single day.

We talked about an episode or two ago. It's like, it's. It's. It's so much of the things that we don't realize that they observe, that literally that's what makes them who they are, the things that we. That we do. So if. If we're genuinely crappy people and we're. We only try to get our kids to do. Do things when they're paying attention, but they pay attention when we don't know.

Yeah.

And that's what everyone needs to be cognizant. Oh, yeah. Because that's. That's stuff that makes them who they are, literally. Because I remember, you know, as. As a kid, like, my. My dad was very. Like, he. He wasn't into any. I don't want to call it pda, but just affection in general. My mom is super affectionate.

Yeah.

And, you know, my dad would come in the kitchen to pick at whatever she was cooking, and she'd stop him, try to get a hug, and he'd be like, all right, get out of the way. And just. I remember that as a kid. And, you know, for the longest time, I was not very affectionate, you know, with my you know, first few girlfriends or whatever. And fortunately, my mom was very affectionate with me. And I think that over rid the things that I saw my dad not doing. But I remember that stuff. And, you know, I. But I also remember some of the good things that he. He like, would tell me and my brother, like, hey, clean the kitchen for your mom. Like, if she left before she, you know, she'd go do something. When she came back, the kitchen was clean. Dude, it made her like, oh, I freaking day. So my dad making us do that like once or twice. Then we started just doing it because we saw how it affected my mom and, you know, little things like that, like, you know, some. My dad wasn't a complete. A hole, but a lot of the times he was. But again, I'm not trying to get.

Into all that, but I love that you said how your dad didn't do this, but you did kind of thing eventually. And I think part of it is, yeah, like, you know, your mom kind of offset it a little bit. But I think a lot of it also is that you learn what not to do also from your parents. And I personally want to make it a goal in my life for my daughter to more. To learn more of what to do from me and not what not to do. You know? I mean.

Yeah. And I want to ask you a question and see if you agree. When growing up, like, I had. I had a one. One friend in particular I'm thinking of, like, he had an older brother and they had like a really big house and like, the upstairs was kind of like there hang out. And he had like a fridge in his bedroom with Budweisers in it. And we were in freaking high school. Right.

Yeah.

So his parents didn't like, you know, like, say, no, you can't have a beer or whatever. But he wasn't an alcoholic. He didn't want to get hammered all the time. So. Whereas, like, if I had a fridge in my bedroom with Budweiser, I wonder if I wouldn't have wanted to. And my point is, is like, do you think that, like, not letting your kids do certain things makes them want to do them more or. Because, you know, like, allowing, you know, certain. I've tested it on my son on. On occasion, and it's like he doesn't necessarily want to do it if I allow it.

Yeah.

And of course, he's still young and, you know, I. We'll. We'll see what happens in certain areas. But I just remember that from high school and like, I. You some other Examples that are similar.

Yeah.

And it's just, like, because they were a. They had the access or they. They. They were able to do it. They didn't. But, you know, there were also plenty of cases where, you know, parents let their kids smoke in the house in high school, bought their kids cigarettes, and. Yeah, they still smoke today, and they'll probably die from it.

I think it's relative, man, to every person, because my parents didn't let us drink. But that didn't stop my brother from going out and partying and getting crazy. And I did not drink until I was 21. I didn't want to.

You're a rare bird.

You know what I mean? Like, I. I literally did. I'll never forget being at a party with my brother and my buddies, and I wanted a pina colada, but a virgin one, right? And they tricked me and put some Malibu, and I tasted it immediately. So I was like, dude, what the heck, man? And, like, I didn't drink it. I made myself my own version because I trust them anymore, you know? I mean. And I was like, dude, I just. I don't know.

For.

For me, it was. I learned from the surroundings. So I saw a lot of my family parties, like, a lot of drinking. And so there was a lot of fights that broke out between uncles and things of that nature.

You have so many of them.

Yeah, literally. And I was just like, man, I don't want that to be my future. And then I remember also experiencing the complete opposite, where it was like, being. Because you're a Christian, oh, you shouldn't be drinking and all this, and the Bible never talks about that. So I remember just having this thing in me where I was like, I want to show people that you can do this and still be a good person. You know what I mean? Like, that's.

That is literally the sign of an independent alpha male. Because it is. Because, like. Like, I don't care what you think about me. I don't want to do it because I don't want to do it. I'm not giving into peer pressure because I've made a decision that I just don't want to do it. Yeah, it doesn't matter why you made that decision. You made it. You stuck to it. And I guarantee you had plenty of peer pressure pre 21 to drink and potentially other things. And you made the conscious decision, I don't have to do that. I don't. It's not going to make me any cooler. It's not going to make people like me more and if it does, I don't want to be around those people anyway.

Yeah.

So, you know, kudos for that, because very few people are like that. So, I mean, it says a lot about your character, being able to do that at a young age and then a decade later, you know, that. That's what I've learned about you. You're loyal. You know, you're a loyal guy. I trust you with anything. And that's just like, you know, that that's always been your Persona and your. The characteristics you portray and have. And that's why I'm friends with somebody that's, you know, 15 years my junior. So.

Yeah, I appreciate that, man. And guess what? Now a lot of people look at me and they're like, man, I've never seen Frank drunk, but I see him drink, but I see him love the Lord, and they can't. You see what I'm saying? I'm, like, diffusing that whole thing that was always, like, built of, like, if you're drinking, it's because you have problems, and you. This and this and that.

Like, there is such thing as responsible drinking. Yeah. I might do it. I know you do it.

Yeah.

And, you know, and that's something that I. That brings up a good point. One more. One more point I want to make before we wrap up is. Is. Is like, I have. I make a point to tell my son's stories of people, whether I know them or not. If they're real stories about real people that have made, like, one bad decision.

Yeah.

And has cost them dearly. Like, whether it's cost. Cost them 10 years of their life or they had three kids before they were 19, which makes life extremely complicated. And you give up your entire 20s, which, you know, you give up your. You give up a lot. And it. It'll prove, you know, just so many different kinds of mistakes you can make. And every chance I get, I. I tell a story so just to try to get through to him. So when it comes time for him to make that decision, whether it's, you know, wearing a condom or, you know, saying no because four out of five people are passing a marijuana cigarette around or. Yeah, whatever, because it's all going to happen, and he's going to be exposed to all of it. I just, you know, I've made it so clear, like, hey, man, just be honest with me. Don't be afraid to do what you know is right.

Yeah.

And I'm going to tell him what you just said about, you know, you being 21 and you know, it's stories like that, I think, and it's a good way to wrap up this episode, which. Which has been less comedic, but more, you know, on the real. And I've enjoyed it.

I've really enjoyed it.

You know, he. If you can get through to your kids or child or children and have them make decisions like Frank did when he made the conscious decision not to drink until he was 21, he made that decision and he stuck to it and he did it. And that just says a lot about somebody's character. And it explains a lot to me as to how you are, how I met you, and how you are right now as a. As a person today. So, again, kudos to you. Um, let's wrap this episode up, man. I thought it was great. We touched on a lot of points that I know a lot of dads are dealing with and having to, you know, make difficult decisions, just like we all are, and that's why we have this show. Yeah. So if you got. Got anything from it, share it with another single dad that might get something from it, too. We'd greatly appreciate it.

And come hang again, man.

We love hanging out with you guys.

Bye.