Single Dads and Dating Apps.

What's going on? Single dads. Cheers from Scott and me. I got water. He's got a Corona. I'm envious right now.

I've already worked out today, man.

You're more Mexican than I am today.

It's, It's Corona Premiere. 2.6 carbs and 90 calories, bro.

I, I really gotta stay lean. Yes, sir. I love Corona Premiere. It's such a good beer. This episode is actually not sponsored by them, but we're giving them a shout.

Out anyways and be a lot cool it were.

Yeah, exactly, man. Single dads. I hope you guys are having a phenomenal day today. We, we are going to chat about a really cool topic that I'm sure you guys are gonna really, really enjoy. We're gonna talk about the dating scene. Dating as a single dad dating.

Oh, man, that's, that's, that's a topic. We could go, we could go whoa, wherever with this. Let's see what this one, this might turn into an interesting podcast.

Yeah. Yeah, exactly. And man, I really want to chat about this because there's, there's so much fear that goes into, like, after you're a single dad, there's literally so much fear that goes into the dating world. And like, we're like so scared of getting hurt again. Or we're so scared because we got to try and like control everything so then get messy again. And then on top of that, you throw the layer of like, we have kids now, right. And it's just, there's so many different dynamics and dude, dating is supposed to be fun and there's people who have like such bad dating experiences. Single dad or not single dad. And I think what, what we need to recognize is that dating is what we make out of it. If you want to have a good time dating, you're gonna have a good time dating. If you, you're gonna have a bad time dating, then you're gonna have a bad time dating. And you're gonna, you're gonna, you're the one that's going to create that. Normally we do that by putting so much pressure on it. Like, I don't know if you've noticed that, Scott, but like, we put so much pressure on dating sometimes that it's just not even enjoyable.

Yeah. I mean, because it's, it's a hassle, dude, if I'm being frank. Frank. Literally when you think about it, especially if you're like on date, you know, I, I, I started using the, the dating app a couple months back. I've tried two now, and I can't say I'm thrilled, man. It's just. It's. It's a hassle, and it's like, it's almost. It's like there's strategy involved. There's like, you know, it's like there's games that are being played, and I.

Just.

Could be, you know, I guess it really depends on what you're looking for, though. If you're just looking to get laid, that's easy, right? But I mean, if you have. If you have a job, a place to live and a car, you're. You're pretty much in as far as that goes. But if you want a relationship with somebody that's quality, it's like, man, it's just. It's. It's just been. I've gotten to the point where I've kind of, like, just given up on the dating app thing because I'm just like, man, just over. It just. It's. It's too much, like, corresponding. And like, every. I, I. I think. I think we kind of. See, how do I. How do I describe this without sound like a total. I think people that are on dating apps see other people as just disposable, like, very. It's very easy to, like, find something wrong with someone really easily and on to the next one, you know, and either you don't give someone a fair shake or fair chance, or you're not given a fair chance in some cases. And I guess it really depends on how much effort you're putting forth. And you know me, like, when I sent a text, I. I tend to, like, actually type a text with substance. And apparently chicks like that. Some of them. And then some of them are like, well, you should have just like, here's my number. You just call me if you're gonna type that much. I'm like, well, yeah, okay, I'll call you now that you freaking invited me to. But I mean, and then it's like. And then some give you their number and want to keep texting. It's like, what the.

Yeah, yeah, it's. It's very true. A lot of the stuff that you're bringing up, especially, like, the whole not giving each other, like, the. A fair sh. Fake and what. Like, here's. Here's my perspective on dating apps, man. And I'm not saying it's the right perspective or the wrong perspective. It's just my perspective, right? And I've dabbled in them for. For a while there, I was like, man, dating apps are a joke. This and that. But I have an open mindset, or at least I tried to. So I was like, okay, let me. Let me dabble in this and see. See what this is all about. And what. What are some good ins and outs. And there's a. There's a phenomenal coach that, you know, I learned from quite, quite a bit, and he's a genius when it comes down to. I mean, he's just got it on lockdown when it comes down to, like, relationships and attraction and things of those natures.

And things of those natures. Yeah.

And. And it's. It's so true. Like, for. First of all, I think what we need to recognize is that men, Whenever men are on a dating app, it's like our end goal is a relationship, right. Or some sort of interaction with that person. Physical interaction. And if a lot of men are being honest, a lot of the end goal on the dating apps is, well, I want to potentially end up hooking up with this person, because then that means that we're actually very connected, whatever. And. But for.

For.

For women, it's a little bit different. But sometimes men need that physical connection to feel some level of fulfillment, and women usually need more attention. And if they get the attention, then they get that level of fulfillment, which is why you see so many pictures on Instagram and they have the most following. And even if they're in a relationship, they still post sexy pictures.

Some of them, like, literally post their love language and tell you, like, you know, this is like. So if they, if they are. I don't know all the love languages off the top of my head, but, you know, like words of affirmation or connect or quality.

Physical touch.

Or quality. Yeah, physical touch. And some of them are. Are open. And will the old pros that have been on there for, like, the last 12, 15 months or something that have, like, the premium VIP Gold Platinum membership or whatever, and they. They. They just know, like, what. What to do. And then me, I'm. It's been a minute since I've been on them, and I get on there and I'm like, man, last time I was on here, it was so much easier. But. Yeah, but, you know, I. I also think things were different too. But anyway. Sorry to interrupt.

Keep going. No, it's okay. So. So I think, as if. If we're on there and we're looking for something genuine or the potential to have something genuine, I think. And again, this is from my perspective, I want you to offer your own. Right. Something that I saw that actually worked with Me that got me into actual physical dates either the week of, or the next week following of mess. Like matching with the person is first of all having a, having a vetting process in your bio. Right. And so whatever that looks like for you, but something that I.

A vetting process?

Yes, exactly. Like, like this is my wants type of thing. And even rewording it to the point where it's like, hey, if you are a woman between this age and this age, if you're that specific, it shows that you know what you want. And you are, you are of Christian background, you are family oriented, you are a single mom, you are not a single mom, whatever your preference is, you enjoy dancing, you're open to whatever. Because now what's happening is as they're reading your profile, they are trying to qualify themselves to even match with you. And it shows your level of assertiveness of I know what I want and I know how I want it. And like one of the things that I posted on mine once was if you have your Snapchat in your bio, just feel free to go ahead and swipe left. Okay. Because if you're just giving your Snapchat to anybody and everyone that views your profile, that's not really somebody I want to match with. Right.

I don't even have a Snapchat account. I don't even think, I don't even think I ever have.

Yeah. And so what I noticed was that once I started laying out my bio that way, I even had messages from women whenever I match where they were like, I really liked your bio, so I had to match with you. And then the follow up process with that is obviously, you know, it's kind of like sales. You build a little bit of rapport, have some sort of like light playful fun, you know, two, three messages back and forth, light, playful fun, and then immediately move in for the kill for the close. And what, what is that to a phone conversation? Yes, exactly. But this is where it gets really good. And this is where it also can be frustrating depending on the mindset of the man. Right. In that moment, what happens is you immediately try and move it into a, a phone date. I always say about five to 10 minutes so that I can get to know you. And if those, if that goes good, then we can set up a time to hang out. Right? And so what's going to end up happening though is you'll notice that you'll give your number, you'll do that call to action and some of them will stop responding, some of them will respond but then won't text you. Some of them will respond and text you and then set up a time to actually chat. Those are the ones that you want because they're actually serious about moving the needle forward. The ones that you don't want are the ones that just want attention, which means you give them a call that, hey, let's phone.

Or they want to be pursued.

Yeah. That is you pursuing them. Right. But they.

Right. That's the whole thing. It's like, I'm like, I'm not going to freaking, like, text you five times with no response. I'm going to text you once, and if you don't respond, peace out.

It's tennis.

Right? Exactly. I mean, I. I'll pursue you. That's what I've done to this point. That's. I see things very similarly similar. I tried to say that online in a similar way.

Yes. I see things in a simple. Yeah, and so what I noticed is that that would actually end up filtering out the women who just want attention because they exist. Just like there's men that just want to get laid. There's women that just want attention. They just want you to swipe on them because it makes them feel good. You give them a compliment, it fills their ego. And then they can go on about their day. Right. And you want to filter those out as fast as possible. So two to three messages. Playful banter, joking. Find something on their profile to joke about. I had something that was my go to, and I would always. I would always say, hey, I want to ask you a question, but you got to be 100% honest about it. Okay. And, like, with a laughing face and a 100 emoji to show that it's like a playful question, not serious. And they'd be like, okay, go ahead and shoot or ask away or whatever. And then I would ask something that's just. It takes them and creates a positive emotion. So it'd be like, what is something that you did as a kid that you never got caught or punished for till this day? And then. So it takes them back to fun, crazy moments in their childhood. So now they connect you with a good emotion, and then they tell you, oh, my gosh, da, da, da, this and that. And you just unlocked this emotion in them. And then they'll usually ask, what about you? And then that's when I kind of, like, dangle the carrot a little bit. And I was like. I was like, well, if you want to find that out, you're going to have to give me a call. I'LL tell you on the phone.

Look at you, Mr. Psychology. I love it.

You see what I mean? And so what ends up happening is there's the. Because you want. I mean, I'm not gonna tell you what you want, but I would hope that you want, like, a playful woman who just knows how to laugh and joke.

Yeah. It demonstrates, like, a sense of humor and, like, how. How. How they interact about stuff like that. I like that.

Yeah, exactly. And so it creates that. It filters out the ones that are just like, oh, so many masculine women out there right now because they've been hurt. Right. So I get it, but I don't want that. I don't want to filter. I don't want to filter. I don't want to deal with a masculine woman. I want to deal with a playful, soft woman who is ready to. And has the confidence to get on a phone call or a FaceTime. Because your pictures might be filtered. Right?

That.

That's a. That's.

Yeah.

That's another thing that I would put in my bio if. If you got butterflies on your. On your cheeks, on every single picture. Because that's like a big Snapchat filter right now. I'm like, then just go ahead and swipe left. Right. Because I want to see the real.

I would. I wouldn't talk to anybody that had on their face like that.

Exactly. So just put it in your bio. And then they're like, oh, snap. Oh, I. I hate that, too. I like this guy. You.

In fact, that. And, I mean, the. The age range that. That I would like to date is probably different than yours since I'm old. But, you know, it's like mid-30s to low-40s. Like, super low. And not. But. But I'm. But I'm open, you know, I mean, I wouldn't, like, close anybody out because of. They're like 45 or something. But how do you feel about dating someone without. Without a child of their own? Because there's a lot of people that are. That. I've noticed a lot of women, anyway, that are not interested in dating a man that doesn't have. If they have. If they have a. A child or children, they're not interested in dating a man that doesn't know what it's like to be a father.

Yeah.

Because. And I totally get that. I'm almost. I'm almost kind of on the same page where I would prefer it. But then again, you know, I'm like two years away from being free again. And so. But, you know, so I don't know, I'm, I'm kind of on the fence with that one. But. And, and I'm very open minded, just generally speaking. So I don't, I don't, I don't have a, A set preference. I'm, I'm. Yeah, I'm kind of open. But. But how do you feel about it?

Yeah. So before I jump into how I feel about it, I think that it's okay. Exactly what you're saying, because I think that's where I'm at too. It's like, ah, it's. I could go either way. It doesn't, it's not really dependent on that. And I say that because if you remember, the last episode that we ever did on dating was with Maddie.

Yeah.

Remember that?

And absolutely, I remember it.

And my brother came on here and he was like, I will not date a woman with kids. Like, it's just not what I want. It's just that doesn't fit into my cat. And he said it so confidently, so boldly.

And then you go and date somebody with three.

With three.

Smoking hot.

But like, Jennifer Aniston's doppelganger was on the news for it. Right. And she had, she has three kids and now they're having a kid together.

Oh, that's right. I forgot.

Yeah. And so I was like, it's interesting that what you feel you want in one season can directly make a complete shift depending on the person you meet. Which is why I don't think we should base it off of, is she a single mom? Is she not a single mom? Now you can obviously, bro. Like, we can't. Like, okay, so we did the, the Conquerors fly in where some of the, some of my coaching clients flew in for the weekend and, and the Monday after, I was asking them, like, once everyone was back at home and we were on our normal coaching call.

Anybody hook up on that deal?

No, no, no. Everyone thought, right? They said that all their friends and family was like, wait, so you have a bunch of people who have gone through a divorce?

I thought for sure somebody was right.

And, and they're like, and you guys are all staying in one house and you guys have never met. This sounds weird. It's like the real world, but for divorcees, right?

Yeah, it's like, it's inevitable. Like, unless everyone is unattractive.

And see, and that's, that's what was.

But even then, if everybody was one way, it wouldn't matter.

Yeah, but see, here's the thing. Like we would think that. But these people are in such a healthy place where there's like, they actually know how to have a brother, sister bond and never take it there. Right. And they're like, looking out for each other. And so it was such a beautiful experience. Anyways, so what ended up happening Monday? One of the takeaways for one of, one of the women, she said that she was, she was in the car with them and she heard how one of the men was talking about how he wouldn't date anyone unless they are a single mom. Because he was like, it would show me that they will know how to love my child as well and that they have the capacity to offer that. Whereas somebody else might be like, I don't want to date like Maddie in that sense. Where he was like, I don't want to date a single mom. They come with baggage. So it's all about what it is that you're looking for and how you're perceiving it. Right. And so I don't think that either one is good or bad. I think you find the good in what you want to get. That's it.

Yeah. I mean, at the end of the day, that's really what it boils down to. And, and also, I think you have to be like, to some extent, motivated. And I think I, I lack motivation to some, like, to the point where I'm, I'm not willing to give it a hundred percent or even like 75 or even 50. 50? Yeah, because I'm just, I'm just like, yeah, whatever. You know, it's like, yeah, like at first I was a little like, oh, this is kind of, you know. But then I'm just like, yeah, I, I don't know. Yeah, such a. Whatever.

Yeah. Which, which then leads to the question of when do you know if you're ready to start dating?

Exactly. And, and It's. I'm, I'm 100 ready for sure. I'm, I'm so over and done with my, my last.

Rendevous.

My ex. Yeah. I mean, we're amicable to some extent. And that's it, you know. No, no dirty laundry, really. But, but I mean, yeah, I'm, I'm 100% ready.

I just.

I don't know.

Yeah.

So I don't have an answer. I guess it's just, it's like, I, I, I would rather, I guess I would rather put my, my time and effort into actual work or doing things that I, I don't know. I mean, I still have a son, so I can't, like, go be out, partying every night. But he's old enough where I. I have to. I do have that autonomy or freedom to. To. If I do. If I wanted to hit, you know, go out on a school night or work night or whatever you want to call it, I absolutely can. I just. I don't know. Yeah, I'm just not, like, highly motivated to. I think that the whole dating app thing, like, really kind of put a bad taste in my mouth. It was just. And I'm. I'm still. I think I'm still on him. At least one. Do you have to, like, close your account out on those or.

I don't know. Honestly, I have no idea. Probably. I mean, but if you don't, you just delete the app, then you'll never even know if you're getting notifications. I. Bro, I see exactly what you're saying, because I feel very similar in. In some degrees where I'm like. I'm so focused on my mission right now that it's like, you. I. I would need. I would need a woman that's very understanding and not time demanding, where it's like, they know that, okay, this man is building something, and he's working his tail off, and I love that, and I'm able to spend this time with him, and that's okay. But if it's, like, demanding, like, I gotta see you, like, three times a week, this much time, and I'm not able to fulfill that, and then that starts turning into something where, like, it's an issue, then I'm okay letting that go. In this season, different season, that may shift. But in this season, the priority for me is mission, right? And. But what I've noticed. And this is kind of like for. For the men and even the ladies in my coaching group, when they asked me this question, the number one thing I always fall back to is we got to understand what the foundation of every good relationship is. And that is you're there to give. If. If you're with somebody who's just taking from you, you're exhausted. You don't even want to spend time with them. So don't be that person.

Don't be that person.

So it's like I tell my men, I'm like, if you are in a place where you're like, okay, what can this woman give me in this moment? Then it's like, you might not be ready because you're just going in looking to receive and to take. But if you're in a place where you're like, okay, what can I offer this person? How can I serve this person? I'm like, I think now you're in a place where mentally, you've got the right perspective to start pursuing someone. Because this is how I. How I see it. And this has been, like, my experience in, like, dating scene is that when I go looking to serve the person that I'm going out on a date with, it's. How can I make that person feel beautiful? How can I make that person feel heard? How can I make that. Give that person a good time to where when they leave that date, they're like, dang, dude. Like, I really enjoyed spending time with that man. Right. And so if your focus is serving, you knock it out of the park almost all the time. But if your focus is, what can she bring to me? What can she do for me? Now you're more concerned about you than them. And you're a little bit more guarded, you're a little bit more anxious. You're not really yourself, you know, and so we cripple ourselves.

Yep, That's. That's a lot of validity to that very valid point. And I think, honestly, that's probably why. I'm. I'm probably not putting forth the. The effort, because my effort is elsewhere right now. And the funny thing is, I think, honestly, like, it's a lot different when you're 30 as opposed to being 40, because when you're. If you're single and 40 and you don't have kids, you're probably pretty married to your career, you know, and if you do have kids and you're a single parent, you have to be married. You probably have to be married to your career to afford having being a single parent. And to some extent, anyway, unless you got a lot. Unless you got a lot of money coming from her ex. But you also have to be a mom. So it's. It's. It. There's a fine line. It's like, when you're 30, there's a lot of. A lot of different differences as far as, like, what. What people are doing with their lives as opposed to being 40, you know, so age has a ton to do with it. And. Because when I. When I was in. When I was, like, 33, 34, I was unstoppable. Now it's like, when I say unstoppable, I don't mean that in an arrogant way, by the way. I mean, as a. I was very motivated to, you know, be out there dating and traveling and doing whatever I could when I could. And now it's like, all right, yeah, yeah, it's, I don't know.

But I'll, I'll be honest though, brother. Men at your age, you guys actually have a next level advantage because it's shown that like a man's sexual market value is at its peak between the ages of 45 and 55, which means that's when that you're actually the most desired in the dating scene in general. And because also what it, that's why you see so many like older men, they end up getting like the 26 year old. And, and what's crazy is also that the 30 year old has a tiny chance with the 26 year old because she wants a man. And at 30 years old, you're not a man yet in their eyes, right? Like you're not as established. So you got to work your tail off to become established and then be that person to where they see you and they're like, this ain't just normal, normal 30 year old. Like this dude's got his stuff together. But with a 45 year old, they're already assuming, even if you don't have your stuff together, they're already assuming he's got his stuff together. He's got this stoicism, like stoism or whatever. Stoic, like those stoics or whatever. He's got that about him where he's lived some life, he's got experience, he can guide me, he can lead me, he can protect me. And so you guys actually have that playing in your favor. It's pretty wild.

Yeah, I mean, I, I can't argue that. Yeah, I agree.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. So like out here, it's just, for any of the single dads that are like listening to this right now, just know that like, if you really want to enjoy it, just kind of take the pressure off like, like take the pressure off of, of what it needs to look like, how it needs to fall into play. Because when you take the pressure off, you show up a lot more playful, you, you'll show up a lot more giving, a lot more enjoyable. And the number one thing that really scares women away is men trying to get them to commit. Like you, you can't, to God. Yeah, you can't do that.

Or, or, or vice versa. I mean, I, yeah, I, I, I run from that.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. If it's like way too soon, you're like, no, no. Right. And so it really just, it really just, it's completely up to you what experience you want to have. Like, man, just get to know some people. Like, and here's the thing. Stop expecting that you're going to marry the next person you date after your divorce.

That's that. That is such a valid point, man. And, and also like, like, don't, don't take all the negative shit from your, from your previous relationship and say, all right, like I'm not going to talk, I'm not going to sit here and talk about my ex or anything. But hypothetically speaking, let's say if, if, I don't know, she lacked empathy or she just didn't do this or she like, don't take all the, the things that you didn't get out of your last relationship and, and, and be so worried or if you were like verbally abused or just. I'm trying to think of things, but just be open minded and understand that you can't like pinpoint and, and be like, I'm not going to date a person that does this or set, you know, or like don't label somebody or judge somebod quickly because you think they're a narcissist or, or I don't know, just be, maintain your open mindedness. If you are open minded already and if you're not, work.

If you're not, consider becoming open minded because being closed minded led you to where you are today. And more than likely, yes, and more than likely where we're at today is not living an extremely fulfilled life, which means we need to grow and we can only grow with an open mind. Right? Like the same level of thinking that got me here is not going to get me to where I want to get to. Therefore I've got to be okay saying, all right, I've got to elevate my thinking now. Which is why coaching is so incredible. You go and you find someone who is where you're at and based off of the result, you know that that's where I want to get to. And then you'll learn that, wow, they think differently than me. Yeah, that's what you got to adapt. You got to adapt that level of thinking to get there. That's why coaching is powerful, right? And you can speed up the process in coaching. But that's so true, brother, because I remember getting into like some relationships where I was like, man, dude, no, no, thank you. This doesn't serve me. I don't want this no more. You get out of it and then you go into like the dating scene and you're almost expecting them to like be the same. So you're just showing up like guarded and you're already showing up labeling them a little bit. So you're just a little bit like, I don't know, because the last person this. But they're not like that whatsoever. And so then you literally self sabotage such a potentially good relationship or forget relationship. Such a potentially good dating experience. Yeah, because of your past. Which is why we need to heal from those things so that we stop self sabotaging future potential opportunities.

Just don't go into it with expectations, period. I mean, go into it with an open mind. Go into it like, I'm gonna, I'm gonna bring my best self and hopefully she does too. And if we click, freaking cool. We'll go out again, we'll have a great time. But if you don't, I mean, my preference, like, one thing I really won't do is go out with someone without at least a phone call. It doesn't have to be a FaceTime call. I prefer it to be. But I, I, I, I, I can live without a FaceTime call. In fact, there is this one chick, dude, that like, stood me up for a FaceTime call twice. Because she's like, and she was a, she, she didn't even, she didn't have kids. She was like 36 or 37, and she didn't have kids. And she was a te. You know, I'm, I, I'm, I look up at teachers. I admire teachers and anybody that, you know, my, my late wife was a teacher, but my God, if you're not, if you, if you can't put for, like, she was like, oh, I went to the gym and I don't have to take a shower and put up, put on makeup. I'm like, for a phone call, Put on a filter, man. Or what?

That's why you do the, that's why you do the FaceTime. Because. Okay, let's just, let's paint out a scenario. Let's have some fun. Okay, Scott?

Okay. I'm just saying, like, I, if you, if you, if you can't make time for a FaceTime call, and you stand me up for that two nights in a row off, just straight up, man, I'm out. Because, like, first and foremost, I don't, I'm not, I didn't require it, and I don't require you to put on makeup. She's like, well, I just prefer that, that we meet in person and I can show up and bring my best self. I'm like, I need to know who I'm meeting. I don't want to invest an entire Saturday night on some person who can't even make time for a phone call. Excuse my language, but, man, see, exactly, man.

Everything that everybody. Everything that you're saying right now, everyone thinks. Everyone thinks, and it's so true. Why. Why would I risk giving up an entire Saturday night for if. If you're not willing to show me your real face and get on a little call that it's like, without makeup.

Yeah, who gives a. Like, I. I, like, I wouldn't want a man that would, like, if I couldn't, like, I would want it. I want a chick that can throw her hair in a ponytail and not put on makeup and have to get all done up for a freaking FaceTime call. It's like, dude, seriously, like.

Yeah, well, and that's.

That would have gone nowhere real quick. I know that.

Yeah, I think.

And she's not even. She's like 36. She's like, I like to wind down at 7:00'. Clock. I'm like, no wonder you're single. I mean, come on, seven o'. Clock.

Well, see, and it's okay. That just shows that, okay, there's a low level of interest. That's fine. I will move on. That's why the dating. That's why, like, that's why dating apps are so interesting. Because it's like, you. We need to see these. Especially, like, as single dads, you got to see these as, like, you're vetting them and that's it. Right? And a lot of the times, though, what women will do is. And this is subconscious. It's just how they were wired. They're wired to test men, to see, to separate the boys from the men. And they've dealt with so many boys that if they tell you, right, if they. If they stand you up and you get butthurt, they're like, he's weak. This is a boy. Right? But if they stand you up and you're like, hey, this is the second time that you've done this. I get it that you're busy. So this is what we'll do. Whenever you get freed up and your schedule gets free, let me know and I'll be waiting for you to call me. So now it's like, I'm not butt hurt, but I'm also putting you in your place. And I'm also giving you the opportunity to open up the door again. But I'm closing it as of right now. Right. And so it's like the takeaway method, and then you put the ball back in their court, and so then that if a woman is testing you she'll.

Say, nicer than I am.

Yeah. So if a woman is testing you, she will see that as strength, that, oh, he didn't get butt hurt. He didn't get angry. He didn't throw a fit. That's attractive to me. That's attractive to me. But if she's not testing and she's just quote unquote, for lack of better terms, toxic, then she's just not going to call back. And good, you filtered her out. That's beautiful. That's perfect. And so it's like, we got to see it as like we're vetting women and if they're, if they like to go to bed at 7 o' clock to unwind and that's not what you want, then okay, thank you for that because that's not really what I'm into. So I'm going to keep moving and you just leave it. You just leave the doors open. Just leave the doors open. And that's all you got to do. But see it as a vetting process. The message is a vetting process. Are they able to joke around and banter immediately? Are they serious? The phone call is a vetting process. Are they committed enough to hop on a five minute phone call? Right. And you just got to be honest, too. Like, be super honest. Hey, I really want to do a FaceTime before we meet because what if, what if we're not what we look like? I think it's fair.

Exactly.

I think, I think, I think it's fair that I know what you look like, you know what I'm look like. Let's see if there's some chemistry on this FaceTime. And if so, then let's, let's make a time to meet. Right? And then the time to meet. This is, I mean, this is, this is how I do it. It's, it's, it's very rarely gone to just this time. And you'll see what I mean by that. I always set like the date for 15 minutes. Like Saturday. This time you got 15 minutes. And they're always like, 15 minutes. What? And I'm like, well, if those 15 minutes go good, we'll make it. We'll extend it and we'll go longer and we'll hang out. I'm like, but what if those 15 minutes, your breath stinks. What if you got a poor personality? What if I see you being mean to the server and I'm like, I don't like that. Why would I give up my whole evening just to spend with you?

Like, no, be Be, be upfront and honest and, and just say, look, I'm, I'm not trying to be rude or disrespectful, but I'm. I, I just don't think that this is a connection. And I would like to salvage the rest of my evening, if you don't mind. And I'd like for you to do the same. And I don't want to waste your time and. Because I respect your time is just as much as mine and you don't have to necessarily provide a reason or be a dick about it. But you can say that, can't you?

Yeah, I mean, absolutely. But I do it in a playful way before we even link up.

Like, but that's the, that's my whole point is like, if, if you, if you have a phone call and it lasts, like, if you, if you're like, holy, it's already been two hours, then you're probably good to go for a date, you know, And. But then again, I've had a couple of those and still didn't go out with them.

But was it because a long phone call, it kills attraction because the mystery is then gone. So then they got like, remember how we were talking about how women are more drawn to attention and men are more drawn to the physical?

Like, that's the end goal for me. I was able to honestly just learn enough within that two hours that there's some, still some things that you're hanging on to that alerted me that it's. They weren't quite ready to be in the dating scene, in my opinion. And, you know, that was just my opinion and I'm entitled to it. Yeah, but, but that's, that was what. I would much rather have a two hour phone call than like, you know, get all, you know, dress, dress well and go out to fine establishment of sorts and then find out, man, this person's a dud. You know, it's like, yeah, I want to, I want to, I want to weed out the duds before, before we get to that next step. And if we have a good, a good, exciting, enticing phone conversation with a lot of laughs, and you learn enough about them that you're like, all right, I want to learn more about this person. And I just haven't had that.

And that's okay. You're vetting.

Yeah, I haven't had many phone. I haven't had many phone calls either.

But yeah, you're just, you're just vetting. Right? And I think that you're in a place, bro, just like me where it's like you want a woman that's confident enough to be like hey this is what I want. And if, if she's like yeah, let's FaceTime, that shows confidence and that shows determination too.

Absolutely. And that's what I want to see. I'm like I, I here's I'll, I'll be like we'll go back and forth via text a few times. Sometimes I get it you haven't been on the app. Cool. And I'm not on it every day and you see notifications, you get busy, you know, you forget about it. But if I do see somebody that's attractive and the profile is attractive, I'll, I'll, I'll try to initiate a phone call and if I, if I get there, great. If I don't, so be it. I gave it, I gave it, I gave it an effort and didn't work out so but I am definitely open minded and.