The Episode.

Hey, you're listening to the Single Dads podcast, a podcast for single dads by single dads. In this podcast, you're going to be encouraged and hopefully given some practical tools to be able to become the parent that you've always wanted to be and that you know you can be. Hopefully, this podcast encourages you. Make sure that you download the Single Dads podcast app to join our community.

Hope you enjoy the show. Guys, welcome back to the episode. The episode. Welcome back to the podcast, man.

That's what we're gonna call it.

The episode podcast.

No, today's episode is the episode that.

I like that, bro.

I like.

You don't know what you're gonna get today. You don't know what you're gonna get.

No, man, we don't know what we're gonna get. Truly.

Guys, I was talking with Scott, man, and I was just talking about how so much stuff happens in our lives, and we just. Bro, it's like, I told you this, but it's like we just. We just forget about what it really means to be a dad, what it really means to be a parent. Like, not. Not that we forget what it means, but we forget how. How incredible of a privilege it is. You know what I'm saying?

Yeah, it's. It's one of those things. It's. Can be cliche, but, you know, we. We. We often take things for granted, but when it comes to being a father, we take. There. We don't even think about the. The number of things we take for granted, especially being a single father.

Yeah.

You know, it's like, it's so easy to overwhelm your. Overwhelm yourself with. With the things that are difficult because it's difficult as I'll get out, to be a single dad. I mean, alive. And in general, I don't even want to go down the rabbit hole because that's a whole nother episode. But, yeah, it's. You know, it's just so easy to. To think about how. How tired I am after work and how I have to work, you know, an extra 20 hours to pay for daycare, and the more money I make, the more money she takes. You know, it. One thing after the other. Yeah, but what about the beautiful things that come with. With having the ability to be blessed with having children.

Yeah.

Period.

Yeah, exactly.

And I don't care if you have, you know, four kids with four different.

Yeah.

Moms. You're blessed four different times.

Yeah, bro, because we. We see it all the time, or we say we hear it all the Time where life is such a miracle. The fact that we're born even. It's like we, we hit the jackpot, we hit the la. The lottery. But we don't. Why don't we think about that in the middle of these situations that should be our focus. Like I hit the lottery. I hit the jackpot by becoming a dad. Because them being born is such a miracle. And think about how many parents or people that want to be parents are out there that they just wish that.

That'S, that's the whole thing. It's like just being born, us being alive, us being here. We. That's our lottery.

Yeah.

Seriously?

Yeah.

We have like a one in a number that I don't even know how to say and I mean to be alive and then to be able to create a life.

Yeah.

You know, it's like. Yeah. I, I don't, I don't know that many people, especially on a daily or weekly or consistent basis, think God or your. Whomever it is your higher power that you think things for to, to be able to have the ability to be a parent. And yeah, there's, there's a lot of things that come with being a parent that are, are challenging and difficult. As is life or as with life, I should say. And you know, I, I think shame on us for not being more, more grateful. Grateful and, and blessed and are re. Realizing how blessed we are.

Yeah.

And it's just, you know, there's, there's so many situations and you know, one, one guy in our support group, I'm not going to say his name but you know, he, his, his daughter I think is like 17 months old now. Yeah. Had open heart surgery when she was, I can't less than a year old. I mean, and going through a split up with, with the, with the mom. I mean it's like that kind of just. That's crazy.

Yeah.

You know, and so, you know, I know he, he, he probably thinks about that stuff more so than the average person.

Yeah.

But it's, it's just a lot of times maybe it takes events or things happening to us for us to like really think about how fortunate we are.

Yeah.

To have a health, to have a healthy kid or healthy, healthy children.

Yeah.

And you know, it's like be live when somebody's like, do you hope it's a boy or a girl? Oh, I just want a healthy child. Yeah. You know how many people are actually honest when they say I just want a healthy child. Motherfucker. You want a b. You want a boy? You Know it.

Exactly, bro. Like, you desperately want a boy, but it's like, okay, so if you really do just want a healthy child, does that mean you. You want a healthy child or. I want a healthy child and I'll be happy if I have the health, healthy child, but I also have somebody else that never gives me any problems, and then life always goes my way, and then I never have a hiccup in life because it's a different story. Like, we have a healthy child. That's all we wanted. We.

We.

I have a healthy child. All the other bs, you know what I'm saying? Like, the divorce, it. Was it difficult? Yes. Did it. Was it more difficult than it had to be? Absolutely. It was way more difficult than it had to be. Why? Because I made it that way, bro. Like, I made it that way by what I was constantly just focusing on when I could just. Right now, I could just be focusing on how incredible it is to have a little girl, man, that I can spend time with tomorrow. Right? And. And it's like this, bro. Like, I mean, this is just how I see it. There's people out there that willingly become single parents that literally willingly step into the shoes that you're in right now because they can't have a kid. And maybe they don't have somebody and they're like, but I want to be a parent so badly. And they're absolutely happy because. And then you could be listening to this right now, right, and be like, yeah, well, they don't have to deal with all the drama of, like, the X and this and this and that. Well, it's. It is what you make. Really? Is what you make it. Are you going to let that person influence your life for the rest of your life? If you are, that's your choice. And you're going to have a pretty crappy experience on earth for the next 18 years. And plus, if. If you don't change that mindset, if somebody else is going to control your experience here, bro, like, what kind of life is that, man? I'm sorry. I'm sorry, but I don't want to leave it up to somebody else to make me have a good time. I don't want to leave it up to somebody else to make me happy and to make me appreciate what I do have. And I think we just forget sometimes, man, how much of a blessing it is. How much of a blessing it is, right? Like if your kid's in diapers to change a diaper, how much of a blessing that is if you're Changing a diaper and then your boy starts peeing on you. How much of a blessing that is.

Right at that moment in time? Yeah, it probably pisses you off. But, but, but, but in the macro. Forever from that point on. Yeah. You have an amazing story to tell, bro. Yeah.

If you were 85 years old. Let's say you were 85 years old.

Pretty close.

You're getting there, dog. But if you were 85 years old, would you or would you not give away all your money so you could go back to be like, 25 or whenever you first had Riley and whenever you first had those diapers and you had those first years and maybe even when he was 4 or 5 years old, would you not give away all your money to just be able to experience all of that again?

Absolutely not. I, I would, I wouldn't. I would give it all. I would. I would give it all to him. Yeah. Because, you know, in this crazy world, he needs it. Yeah.

Yeah.

Maybe he won't eat it. Well, if he doesn't, then I'll give it to somebody else. But no, I don't want to go backwards. When I'm 85, if I still have any friends that are alive, which I may have a one or two. Yes. But I would.

I would love to go back and relive personally. Right. I would love to go back and relive my little girl taking her first steps. Because I don't think I. I don't think I. I don't think I internalized it as much as I, I would now. I would.

So. So because you can't go back in time and you can't relive it.

Yeah.

Why don't we take exactly what you just said and for all you dads out there, parents out there that, that have children that, that haven't taken their first steps yet, that haven't said their first words yet, that haven't pissed in your face yet or other things. Just make sure that.

Yeah.

You document and video or record or whatever, as much of it as possible and just, you know, enjoy every, Every season or phase that your kid has as. As you. As they develop and you develop as a parent.

Yeah.

And if you're listening to this podcast, that means that you're looking for resources to become a better.

Yeah.

Father or parent. And that in itself demonstrates that you're on the right track and you are on the right path to, To. To being the best dad, the best parent that you can be, and kiddos for that.

Yeah.

I mean, and I hope that the Things that, that we offer, you know, sometimes may be worth a. Sometimes they may not, and sometimes they may be applicable to you and sometimes they. But at the end of the day, we try to give you insight. And me being the 85 year old man with, with wisdom and experiences that I've been through, I try to offer what I can and hopefully it helps some of you and, and all of you in some form or fashion. Yeah. And you know, based on what Frank just said, you know, just, just really, I mean, he would give all his money to go back and do it. So for all of you who haven't done it, take what he just said and know that that's how important it is. And yeah, if it. Give all his money up to go back and do what you haven't done yet.

Well, yeah, bro. And it's like, it's something that I started practicing because Alex, I forgot what his name is. Alex Halsey Mahosey. Something weird. He's a huge dude right now. He's like 32 years old, multi, multi millionaire, huge business influencer. But he said that he was talking about how he struggles with this whole gratitude thing. Like, he's like, I'm not, I'm just not a journal type of dude, whatever. But he was like, I created this grandfather frame that when I wake up in the mornings, I imagine if I'm 85 years old, if I'm looking at like thinking about my life now, how I would appreciate and be like, man, I'm so happy that I got to do what I did in those moments. And it just becomes more special if you're seeing it as I'm about to pass here in the next 10 years.

Right.

Like, you're just like, man, I'm so happy. I'm so happy that I got to go through. I'm so happy that I got to experience it like that. And so you know that I'm building the house right now. And it's like a beyond stressful process. Especially when you're the one that's like, building it. You're not going through like the normal stuff. And so I was, I took my little girl to see the house and she walked into her room. I hadn't even told her which, which room I was planning on giving her.

Yeah, you sent me the video of it and it was, it was super, super touching to see because just watching, I don't want to tell your story, but just watching his daughter walk around in, you know, a house that's under construction, but, but the walls are up the roof is, you know, the windows are in place, so it's very easy for, for even, you know, his daughter, who's what, 11, 12? I can't remember.

Yeah, she's 10. She turns 11 this year.

And even for. For the goose to, to walk through and, and I, and I heard in the, in the background, she's like, this place is amazing. And that was so touching. It was so co.

Yes, bro. And for me it was like, it was so special because it's like, first of all, we lived there before. It was just in a mobile home. That's where me and her mom and her lived. And we called it the new.

You lived on that lot before?

On that lot. And so at first we lived in an apartment and then we moved there. And so we called it the new house. That's what we would tell her. Like me and my ex wife, we would tell the goose, like, yeah, well, we're going to a new house. To the new house. So now my little girl, she usually says, I want to go to the new house. And now this one, I'm calling it the new new house.

But that's funny.

But bro, it's. It's so cool because I experienced that with her and it was. It was awesome. It was incredible. I was present in that moment. I was soaking it in. And then the next day, the next day I went back to the house because I had to drop off like, some doors and I just walk inside and I started thanking God for the house, right? And then I started thinking, thanking him for allowing everything that happened that got me to this place, me and my little girl to this place. Which part of that is the divorce? Had the divorce never happened, this new new house would never be happening. It just wouldn't. So I would have never had that experience with my little girl, right? Because my ex wife did not agree with my vision that I had for our lives. So we were not aligned. And so it was always a constant struggle, constant fighting, constant bickering of, what are we going to do this?

And then that.

And I was like, dude, like, I'm trying to, like, lead us into this vision, and you don't want that vision. So it was just turmoil constantly, right? And so realizing that, man, had it not been for that, I would not be here right now. I would not be sharing this memory with my little girl, right? And just being able to like, soak that in, in that moment. And, and this is what I think is so important. Like when we have moments with our kids, when we have moments in Life, like Tony Robbins talks about all the time. Like, stack it, stack it. Go back home and relive what you just lived and notice all the beautiful, like, detailed increases about or into integracies. Yeah, that one. It's a hard word. I'm Mexican, bro. I gotta buy on that one.

I should rol. Tip of your tongue, man.

But it's like, when we stack those moments, bro, it's like we get to relive them again, but we get to really, really appreciate them. You know what I'm saying? And I just think that is one of the biggest blessings of being a parent. Just that we get to have those moments with our kids. And I don't want to let all this other stuff, man, take away from that anymore. Like, I just don't. That's. That's just my choice. Hopefully someone that's listening is, like, on board with that too, because the time's ticking, man. Time's ticking. Time's not waiting for you. It's not. It's not waiting for us. It's just not. It's not waiting for us to get better. It's not waiting for us to make a choice. Like, we have to make a choice now to experience the life that we want to experience. And I want to experience fatherhood the way I want to experience it as a freaking blessing, bro. Because that's what it is.

Yeah. And as the old wise one here, my advice to anyone, honestly, is whatever situation you're in, good, bad, or indifferent, we all have challenges, of course. And we all have good times. Focus on what you have, not on what you don't. Yeah. And most importantly, be proactive in making changes to make things better where you have control over them.

Yeah.

Because if you have control over it and you're not being proactive in making those changes.

Yeah.

That's on you.

Yeah.

And exactly. That's where that word regret comes in, years down the lines. So if you got control over it, it's up to you to be proactive in making those changes.

Yes, bro. I love that. Because the last thing you want to do is be on your deathbed and be like, regrets, I should have. I should have. And the only way to change that is exactly what you just said. You have to take full ownership, man. You cannot blame anybody else for where you are in your life, because it's not their fault. It is ours. 100 hours. Because.

And that's why. That's the. That's literally my whole point in saying be proactive.

Yeah.

Not reactive. You know, reactive. To me is playing defense. Proactive is playing offense. Yeah, yeah. Choose your side.

Yeah, exactly. You can be blocking blows the whole time, but if you never throw a punch, bro, you're never going to get a knockout.

Exactly. And therefore, you cannot move forward.

Exactly. Exactly. So, man, if. If you take anything from the episode, just remember that being a dad is a blessing. It is a massive, massive, massive blessing. And I know that life gets a little crazy sometimes. I know that it gets a little trippy. This thing is just dwarf on you, bro. It's like, stay right here.

Stay right up here. Where are you? I hear you.

Yeah. But just remind yourself of what a blessing it is that you have a child. Like, I'm sorry that life is not perfect. I'm sorry, but that's not going to change. It's not going to change in five years. It's not going to change in 10 years. Life is not going. Going to be perfect.

But the aspects of it that can change. Yes. Are the ones you have control over. If, in fact, you're proactive in making those changes and whatever it is you have to do, write them down. Make goals you want, you want to. We. We all know that. We all have room for improvement.

Yeah.

Period. The end.

Yes.

So you just need you to. To decide what is the most important aspects of your life that you want to improve in that you have control over and start there and prioritize and make changes where, you know, you have room. The most room, too. Yeah. And go from there. And I think it's a good way to wrap up this episode.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, man. I love that. Hopefully this encouraged you guys. We'll see you guys on the next episode.