The "Pro's" of being a single dad!

You know, turn your problems into, like, some blessings because it's there. The pros to being a single dad are there, Are there cons? I mean, everything in life has cons. But what are you going to choose to focus on? Because that will expand. So focus on the pros and make this life incredible, because you only get one. Hey, you're listening to the Single Dads podcast, a podcast for single dads by single dads. In this podcast, you're going to be encouraged and hopefully given some practical tools to be able to become the parent parent that you've always wanted to be and that you know you can be. Hopefully, this podcast encourages you. Make sure that you download the Single Dads podcast app to join our community. Hope you enjoy the show.

Welcome back, everybody.

Hope you guys are doing incredible. Today we're going to be talking about the pros of being a single dad. It's going to be a really good episode. Man. Dude, I cannot get over the fact that my legs are so, so sore right now. I feel like such an old man, dude.

Yeah, so do I. Oh. Because I am.

Man.

Oh, man. Yeah. Frank had a crazy workout and he's been whining about it all morning.

Yeah. Yeah. I. I don't like, you know, everybody like, likes working out or they say they like working out. I don't like working. That's why I do jujitsu.

Nobody, nobody likes working out. Otherwise everybody would. I think some people do, but I think at the end of the day, they like the feeling that they. They the rewarding feeling that comes after the workout and of course the results.

Yeah, but the soreness, man, gosh, it was like a CrossFit workout. I'm just gonna tell you guys what it was so you guys can try this at home and let us know if you try it at home. It's 25 burpees, a hundred.

What's a burpee?

Oh, that's where you drop down to the ground, you do a push up and then you jump up.

That's like a squat thrust kinda.

Yeah. Except you drop all the way to the ground, chest has to touch the ground, and then you pop back up and then you jump in the air. So.

Yeah, like a burpee.

Yeah.

Squat thrust. Yeah.

So do 25 of those, then do a hundred push ups, a hundred sit ups, a hundred squats, and a hundred walking lunges. And then finish off with 25 more burpees. That's what I had to do yesterday before doing like four rounds of seven minutes of jiu jitsu. And so it was extremely painful, but so freaking good. My mom's calling me right now. Come on, mom.

And crypto is just crashing.

What's new in 2022? Crypto keeps crashing, and then it gives you a little. It's like the cowbo. They give you just a little bit of hope, and then as soon as you get a little bit of hope, they just take it away.

And I don't. I don't even go into this. The season anymore with hope. I say I don't, but I do. I want. I want to not have hope. Yeah. But. But I do. It just sucks. It sucks having to root for a losing team that's a loser.

That's so phenomenal. That has such great potential, bro. I thought about doing series, switching up my content a little bit this season, specifically this season, football season. And I was going to do videos based off of, like, heartbreak advice from a heartbreak professional. A Cowboys fan thought it. Thought it'd be amazing. And then I saw the other day, there was a meme going around on how, like, the Cowboys, they're the only team that did not score a touchdown in week one. And I reshared it, and I was like, already breaking records. We them boys. We them boys, Dude.

There. There were some, like, I don't know if you know what a prop bet is if you're. No, if you bet, but prop bets are, like, for. For football. Some examples would be, like, how many. Who will score the first touchdown? What team?

What.

What will it be? A running or a pass? How many field goals will be kicked throughout the game? Not extra points, but actual field goals. So, like, in Vegas will create bets for you. Like, if you want to say, like, what. What's the over. Under on field goals? Or will. Will a team only score field goals? Which is what the Cowboys did. Right. So I'm like, man, if you would have put $1,000 on the Cowboys scoring five field goals and no touchdowns, you probably would be pretty freaking wealthy after that because the odds would have been crazy.

Is there any bets that the. That we can make that the Cowboys won't make it past the first round of the playoffs? Because I'll. I'll put money on that.

Well, at this point as well, a lot of people, you find. Try finding somebody to take that bet. I mean, Vegas will take it, but they'll put odds probably saying, yeah, no, they might. They might give you even odds on it. Maybe. Probably not. You probably have to, like, bet a dollar to win 50 cents.

Golly, yeah, that's how terrible they are right now, unfortunately.

Week one, anyways.

But, yeah, no, we're gonna be talking about just the. The pros, man, of just being a single dad. We want to highlight some really cool things. I had a cool live that I got to do with. On. On my business account, and I was telling Scott a little bit about it. You guys have heard me talking about how, you know, I'm in the middle of just building my house, and I was talking about how, like, that was the one thing that in. In my marriage, it was always a problem. Like, she did not. She did not want to live there, like, whatsoever. And I had this dream for a long time of building a house on that property because it's the property that my parents purchased for the first time when we first came over here.

Right.

And that's just something that she didn't want. And so that's something that I kind of, like, gave up on. But then the moment that she left, it was like, I can pick that back up. I was able to start moving on that dream, and now it's becoming a reality that that one dream is becoming. Well, it is a reality. I mean, it'll be done here in, like, the next month. And so it's just so cool. Whenever we can look at situations this way, right? And maybe. So there's somebody listening right now, and you're like, dang, dude, you know what? I had something that I really wanted to do, and I laid that down because it wasn't making that person happy, and that's not what they wanted. And then guess what? That person chose to leave. And when they left, yes, they took a lot, but they also gave you a lot. They gave you that dream back.

Exactly. And. And that's what. That's what's cool. And Frank and I were kind of. He was telling me about his house and what he just shared. And it's like, how. How many of you guys identify the things like. Like after you got. You and your. You guys split up and you're getting divorced, or you're now divorced or separated, not living together anymore, Right? What. What things. How many of you have identified, like, what things that you now can do that you weren't able to. That maybe you used to enjoy, maybe you weren't. You've been married for 10, 12 years, and I know a lot of you guys on the support group, that seems to be a kind of an average number. And so it's probably been a while, but maybe there's things that you used to enjoy that you gave up just because of family life. And now you, you. You have you time again.

Yeah.

Which is one thing that a lot of people probably at first anyways, think of as a bad thing. Like, I'm miserable, I'm lonely, and.

Yeah.

You know, and, you know, I'm not ready to hit the dating scene again. But. And you, you actually may be doing things that are not good for you, but I'm just wondering how many of you. And this is a question to ask yourself, you know, what things did you used to do that you enjoyed that you know, maybe you haven't identified yet?

Yeah. Like, ask yourself, Ask yourself that question.

It could be different for, for everybody. Everybody. But we were talking about sports and betting, you know, like, yeah, that's, that's probably something you can't do a lot of when you're married.

Yeah.

And I'm not, I'm not encouraging anyone to go bet or a lot of.

Single dads are going to get gambling problems after this episode.

But, but it, but it is a good example. Like, you know, maybe you used to really enjoy following sports and you could get back into that and.

Or maybe you liked watching Keeping up with the Kardashians. She didn't your guilty pleasure.

Maybe she didn't like Lifetime and you did.

I'll never forget, bro, I was, I was dating this chick and it's talking about, like, men liking a lifetime and stuff, right. And I really wanted to watch the Notebook. It's one of my favorite movies.

Haven't seen it.

You guys can judge me all you want. I don't really care. Meet me on the mat. But I really wanted to watch the Notebook, man. And I'll never forget, she was like, no, we're gonna watch Vikings, like this hard show of men killing other men. That's what she was, like, determined to watch. And I was determined to watch the Notebook.

That's pretty ass backwards, right? Right?

Hey, there's no shame in it. Is my guilty pleasure. Whatever. But yeah, I want us, like, what if we began to ask ourselves that question, like, in the middle of them leaving and taking so much, what did they give me back? What, what, what dreams did they give me back? What passions did they give me back that I can now pursue and start going after? And this is more like pros of, like, going through a divorce, even if you don't have kids. And we're going to get into, like, pros of being a single dad. But I think that's a good place to even just start in, like, what, what she give me Back, bro. Like, I want you to ask yourself that. I want to ask you that, bro. Would she give you back when she left? What did she give you back? For me, I got back Jiu Jitsu as well. And I'm so happy for that because I'm able to do that. I also got back ministry. I was able to get a lot more involved in like church ministry again, which is something that I was not quote, unquote, it just. She didn't want me doing that. Right. And also it just took a lot of time from the family also, so I completely understand it. But I got that back. I got that back. So I think like right now it's like take back season. I want you to see it as that, like, what if this, this season of your life, what if you chose. Chose to make it a take back season? We're like, I'm taking it back, I'm taking it back. I might have quote unquote the crappiest cards, but the reality is I have some damn good cards right now because I get to take a lot back, you know?

Miguel. Yeah, it was like the very, the very first person that ever did. Don was like a donor, you know. Yeah. Supported us and like, like not another person supported for like, like three months. And he was the only one. Yeah. But that guy is. He. He's overseas right now. He has. So he hasn't been in any of the support groups, but he's. He's like going crazy. Like he's. I think he's getting his doctor, his PhD. He's got, he got his master's, I think in. He's. That guy's freaking taken back, man.

He's.

He's doing all kinds of stuff. Yeah. That's like positive and, and bettering him himself in so many ways. And he's such a. He's. I wanna, he's a great example. So I also want to give him a shout out and say, what's up? We miss you, man. Yeah.

Hope you're doing good, bro. Keep killing it.

But yeah, I mean, man, that guy just freaking. A prime example.

That's how you.

That's how you do it and taking names. Just doing all sorts of cool stuff, bro.

I was also, I was also a trucker dog, man. Listen to me. I was a trucker. I didn't want to be a trucker, but it made good money to like help her fulfill her dreams, you know, And I did that. But I didn't want to be a trucker. I was not meant to be in a Dump truck and then ordering other men. No, she didn't want me to, but I knew that it was a good way to make money. And so she really encouraged it, obviously, because it was good money, you know, and to support the family. And I don't think that's bad.

No.

But the point is I abandoned my purpose. Right. And she didn't ask me to. I willingly did it. First of all, we willingly do everything. Like, come on, if we're going to take our life back, if we're going to have a take back season, we got to have full responsibility that nobody made us do these things. We did. We actually made the decision to. I'm going to do this.

Some people might argue that.

Oh yeah. But it's kind of like, it's kind of like nobody made you smoke weed or try, try the alcohol. I don't know I was gonna say that. Or drink alcohol. Like nobody makes you do. Do they influence it? Yes. But at the end of the day, whose choice is it? It's our choice. So I made that choice. I could have fought back. I could have continued to fight back. And at the end of the day, if she didn't like it, we're gonna really have to work through it or she would have ended up doing what she did later earlier. Anyways. See what I'm saying?

Yeah.

It's like Grant Cardone. I don't know if you guys know who Grant Cardone is. I know Scott does, but he, he has this incredible like, tick tock that was just going viral. And he was being interviewed, he was like, this is the one thing I told my wife before I married her. I said, I will give you everything in the world. The one thing I will not do is give up on my dreams. Because if I give up on my dreams, then I'm gonna give up who I am. And I'm like, dude, that is such a good way to like present it to somebody that you see a potential life with. Like, look, I'll do anything for you, but not my dreams. I can't kill those. Because if I kill those, I kill part of me. And then we lose, we lose purpose, bro.

Yeah. And I, I think it's, it's crucial that after you get separated and divorced and you move on. And it's important that you identify these, these things that you did give up. Yeah. Not only for yourself and to make that decision if you want to start doing them again, but just to know that whatever, you know, whenever you do have a newfound relationship, you are able to consciously know what things you aren't willing to give up. Yeah. And what. And make sure that your goals align with whomever it is that you are beginning to start a relationship with. And that way you don't waste a year of your time.

Yeah.

And you know up front that like, hey, these are things that you know. And you can ask her what you know, what are things that you've identified that what's.

Your non negotiables.

You aren't negotiating on.

Yeah.

And let's, let's make sure that you know, you know, because if things are starting to get kind of serious, then that's when you have to have a talk like that. I think.

Yeah, I mean, bro, I think that's crucial and I think that's one of the biggest lessons that we take after a divorce or that we should take. I think everybody takes it obviously, but it's, it's not because we don't take the lesson, it's because we're scared. Right. Like you get a good connection with someone and then starts, things start to not line up vision wise and goal wise and then it's like I'll compromise because I'm scared of not meeting somebody else that I could connect with as much. Right. It's like that fear begins to control.

A lot of people take. I mean it's, it's almost human nature. I don't want to say it is human nature because not everybody does this, but a lot of people become aware of, of the things that just, you know, that happened to them, that, that scarred them from a previous relationship or that their ex did. And they, they are scared shitless that they don't want that, you know, they don't want the next relationship to, you know, for that the, these characteristics to like pop up two years into it.

Yeah.

And I know that there's a lot of guys out there that are just absolutely frightened to date again of fears they have that whomever it is, they start dating are going to like have these, you know, narcissistic tendencies that they hide maybe up front or. Yeah, that, you know, or, or trust issues or whatever the case may be. There's, there's, you know, lots of things and you know, you can't, you can't just be fearful and not date because you're concerned. But you know, find a way to identify the things that maybe are holding you back. And when you feel like you can move forward, make sure that, you know, whomever it is you date knows. Like, I'm, I'm honestly frightened. I've been frightened to start dating because of these reasons. And I don't want to see a reap, a repeat. And I'm sure if she's somebody that you're going to continue dating, then she'll understand and at least you can identify right then and there, like whether or not she too has, you know, maybe some of the same years.

And, and if she doesn't understand, wouldn't you want to know that early on?

Exactly.

Instead of having to deal with it in a divorce two years later, three years later, five years later, like, like it would just be better not. Bro, I've gotten, I've gotten to this place where I feel like I'm okay. I'd be okay losing somebody, but I would not be okay losing myself again. That's like my standard now. Like, I would be okay losing you, but I will not be okay if I lose myself again. And that's where my non negotiable stand. It's, it's more than like, you have to do the dishes. It's deeper than that. That's so surface level to me. To me. And it might be important to some people and that that's okay, right? Because I mean, little things matter also because little things add up. But to me it's like what's most important is my passion, my purpose, bro. Like, don't, don't, don't try and come in between me and that. Even, even Jesus, like, even Jesus told Peter, one of his best friends, whenever he was going to go to the cross. And Peter was like, nope, I'm not going to let that happen, not on my watch. And Jesus literally told Peter, get behind me, Satan. He called his own best friend Satan because he tried stepping in between his purpose. And he was like, I don't care who you are, I don't care how close we are. You will not come in between me and what I was sent on this earth to do. That's the attitude that I want to carry. Like, look, if you're going to try and come in between me and my purpose, obviously you don't belong in my life. I hope you stick around, but for now get behind me because I'm going full stream ahead, you know? And bro, that's, that's what we were designed.

I want to be a little more delicate. Oh, obviously on the delivery with that.

But Jesus was a little savage.

But, but yeah, I mean the thing is, is you kind of hit it nail and hit the nail on the head. Frank, when you said one thing, I, I don't want to Lose myself. I can deal with losing you. And that's a good. That's a really good mindset, I think, because you. You don't want to be in a relationship where you feel like you need that person. You need to be in that relationship because you want to be there.

Yeah.

And you could be okay. It would. It would hurt, and you would miss them, but you'd be okay.

Yeah.

Without them.

Yeah.

Right.

Yeah, Exactly.

And I think that's a. If. If you can't think that way and have that mindset, then how healthy is your relationship?

Yeah.

Because if you're thinking, like, I need this person, I can't live without them.

Yeah. Then all I'm saying is I would rather you be absent than me be absent in my own life. That's all I'm saying. At the end of the day, that's. Is it going to hurt? Absolutely. Are you going to miss them? Absolutely. But I don't want to miss myself, man. I just don't. That's kind of where I stand on it. Okay, so pros about being a single dad. Let's get into the freaking episode. 21 minutes in. Here's a cool story. It's just so small, but it's also so big, and it brings a lot of joy to my heart. When we were at the house, I told you how the goose was like, you know, looking at the house, planning out her room, all this stuff. The first thing I told her was when I walked into the room, I was like, hey, goose, guess what's going to be over here? She was like, what? I was like, you're on tv. And she went wild, dude. She was like, really, Papa? She still calls me papa. I hope that never changes. The other day, she called me dad. I was like, don't you dare. Don't you dare. It will.

It will. It will change.

But she was like, really, Papa? And I was like, yeah. She was like, so I can play my Nintendo Switch in here? I was like, baby, you can play your Nintendo. She was like, and I can watch movies in it. I was like, baby, you can do whatever the heck you want on your TV. I'm like, you want to watch YouTube? You want to watch net? Watch whatever you want. Obviously there's going to be a limit, though, right? And then the other day, I was asking her, I was like, baby, do you have a TV at your mom's? And she was like, no, I'm not allowed to. Right. And I don't know how true that is. You know, sometimes kids just. Whatever. But for me, one of my pros that I noticed is exactly that. Like, I think it's okay for her to have TV in her room. I want her to have a TV in her room. Obviously with guidelines, boundaries, all those healthy things, but if we were together, she might not be able to have a TV in her room. And one of the pros is I get to make that decision. I get to make that simple decision. That first of all is going to bring her so much joy. It's bringing me so much joy to give that to her. And there is no discussion, there is no arguing, There is no, like, going back and forth. Like, eventually that'll change once I'm remarried. You know what I'm saying? But for this season, I'm gonna enjoy the simple fact that there is that freedom to make that choice when I want to make that. And I'm gonna put a freaking TV in my daughter's room.

Yeah, but even when you're remarried, it's still your daughter, so you'll still make those decisions, not your new wife.

Yeah, but at the same time, I feel like that's just going to bring division between like, me and her, because then it's like, oh, hey, you cannot influence over here, but we can parent over here together, just not over here. And so that's just the way that I think the culture that I want to build in like my household. So I want somebody that is obviously, that's why it's so crucial for me to find someone that's aligned because. And someone that I can fight with and fight well with. Because I was listening to a podcast with Ed Mylett and the Angry Therapist. That's what this dude's called, the Angry Therapist. Because apparently he just like talks passionately, but he comes off as like, angry, but he spits facts. And he was saying that it's not about how much you fight with someone, it's how well you fight with them.

Yeah.

And that's one of the things that I'm like, really looking forward. Like, I want to see how well we can fight together. Because if a TV in her room is going to be a fight, I want it to be a good fight, not an off the walls fight. You know what I'm saying?

100.

Yeah. So what about you, bro? What's one of your pros that you've identified? That was just a recent one, a really cool one. I'll hit some others, but I want to hear from you.

I'll say that I, I, my, my situation's so different. So it's and you know, my wife passed away 10 years ago, so, and I've, I've, I've had relationships along the way, but none that I brought into my son's life. In fact, I was talking with Trevor about this briefly and I think we're waiting for some people to hop on the support group a couple weeks ago. But, you know, it's, it's like, you know, I went through my phases, but where I was, you know, just kind.

Of doing your thing.

Doing, doing my thing. But I, I never let you know, my revolving door of females affect my son. They would only, I would only, they would only come to my house when he was away and that would be the only time I would have to date or do anything anyway. And I just, any relationship I had, I was just very, very cautious.

And is this your pro for single dads, the revolving door?

Yeah, kind of. It's the first thing that came to mind. But I mean, but, but I, you know, and now I'm in a relationship and she does, she, you know, we all live together, but she works a ton and she never got involved in like co parenting, so I wouldn't, and she doesn't refer to herself as, and my son doesn't refer to her as a stepmom, even though we've lived together for a few years. And you know, it's so, you know, I, I, I kind of, it's, it's probably a different dynamic than the average. But like, you know, she, she, she's married to her career.

Yeah.

And I'm cool with that. Our goals align and because I didn't want to have any more kids and she's 10 years younger than I am, so to, to find somebody that's career oriented that does really well. She's very successful and, you know, gets along well with Riley. But when they see each other, which is like at the dinner table for 12 minutes and then he's back to his room, especially these days. But even when he was younger. But you know, we, we, but you know, he, he comes along to like, her family stuff and things like that. But anyway, I'm getting off, off track. But I, I, I, I've had, I've just got, I've just kind of gotten used to, you know, making my own decisions and, and, and as far as parenting, I'm so, I'm dead.

So I'm, I'm really curious though, because there is such a big dynamic.

Right.

And I know that there's some people that are widowed that also listen to the podcast Even some ladies that have, like, asked me for help on my page and I send them to like, the podcast because I'm like, Scott, right? Like, that's his story. So listen to anything he has to say. So I'm curious, Like, I just gave you my dynamic as far as, like, I don't have to run this by her and I can make that call. So to me, that's a pro as a single dad. Your life as a single dad looks differently, but there still has to be pros to it. So what's like a pro of? Maybe it was even before you were in relationships, right. With you and your son, that you were like, hey, this is actually, this is actually better or this is actually good. And that might be tough.

It's very tough because my, my, my biggest concern was, you know, like, raising this, this boy by myself, you know.

And full time too.

Yeah. Like, he doesn't like, you know, my mom passed away. My dad's, you know, not in, in his life. And so he only has one grandparent from his mom's side. Yeah. But he has lots of cousins and aunts and uncles that all live within 30 minutes of us.

Yeah.

So honestly, a pro is what is slash was when I got a break from being a full time dad, which was, you know, as often time in the summer when he goes and spends time at his grandma's at length or with his cousins. Yeah. So which is. And, and it's like I have me time and it's like. Yeah, it's almost like I don't know what to do.

See how, bro, See, this is why I like this. Because there's so many. When you go through a divorce, it's like, that's bad in our minds at first. Right. It's like, what, what is bad that my kid's not with me. My kid's not with me. So in our minds, that's a punishment and we suffer because of it.

Exactly.

But in your life, because you are full time alone, a break is actually a healthy thing.

Yes.

You see what I'm saying? And so it's interesting because it's like in life, man, in life, life is not our situations and our circumstances. It's the meaning we attach to them. So when our kids gone, does that mean that you're failing as a parent or does that mean, man, I get to actually focus on some things right now and make some stuff happen, you see? Like, what meaning are you attaching?

And that's why, like, my perspective that I, that I've brought into multiple Conversations with, with divorcees is that like, I, I, when I, when I don't have my son, that's a break. And I understand it's like, and that's okay for, for you, you're fighting for time with your kids.

Yeah.

And I, I understand that.

Yeah.

But whenever you settle on whatever the 50, 50 or depending on whatever your situation is and your career and how much time is allotted that you get, enjoy the time that you have with them, but also enjoy the time you have that you have because.

Yeah.

You have to live your life.

Yeah.

And your life is now co parenting.

Yeah.

And seeing and being a part time parent.

Yeah.

So being a part time parent is a huge pro for me. Yeah, I, I would, I would, you know, I would say if, if I could, like, and I think all you dads out there that like, probably can't see it from my perspective because it's just there's too many other variables involved with that bring in other emotions.

Yeah.

And I get that. But to not have to hit the PTA meetings and to not have to hit every soccer practice or whatever they're involved in is a break.

Yeah.

You know, so it was for me to, to get, that was, you know, that was a big pro.

Yeah. Yeah, bro, I agree with that. I agree with that because, I mean, I'll be honest. If, if I didn't have the schedule that I had, I would not be able to do what I do right now. I would not be able to invest the time that I invest. I would not be able to help the amount of people that I help. I would not be able to grow the way that I'm growing because it's like, you'd have to, I'd have to be present 100% of the time. Right. And it gives you, and I know this could sound bad to some people, but it gives you the freedom to create what you were meant to create if you use it as that, which in the big picture is actually for your child. Like, for me. Everything that I do, just like everyone that's listening right now, man, like, what? Whatever it is that you're doing, you're doing it for your kid. Like, I know, I know that you are. That's your biggest why, Your biggest why is I am doing this for my child because I want to leave them something, something tangible that can help them in life. So same thing for me, I'm like, okay, you know what? Right now I have the gift of time with myself to invest and build something substantial that by the time she's 18. Hopefully. Hopefully I've done enough in this life to where. Hey, sweetie, you don't have to worry about any finances. You can fully commit to your dream and pursue it wholeheartedly. But maybe I would not be able to do that if this had never happened because I wouldn't have had the opportunity to work till 9, 10, 11 o' clock at night. You see what I'm saying?

100%. Because for me it was such a challenge to like, I remember, you know, there's different seasons, you know, because it started when he was five and you know, there was a time where like I was a. I, I had the means to hire like a full time nanny and that would give me the freedom to run a business.

Yeah.

And, and pay for her and pay for the, the lifestyle that I wanted to live and give my son. Yeah. And. But I had to, I had to work and. Yeah. Then it got to a point where, okay, he's self, you know, he can take care of himself to some extent. And I think it was somewhere around fourth grade he started, he would go from school, he would take a little bus to daycare and then I would have to leave and I, I had like employees that would literally throw, like drag me out of the office to make sure I would get to pick my son up on time because I was such a workaholic. Yeah. And because I like, I'm like, I can't leave. There's, you know. Yeah. And it's like, so it was, it was just constant non stop for me. And to get a break from that was like such a huge pro, man.

Yeah. Yeah, I like that. I like that because it offers a different perspective. And just so you guys know, these are just perspectives. I mean they're not, they're not absolutes. You don't have to take them. But I mean really, really what I just want to encourage all of us is like the, the cards that you're dealt, how are you going to play them? Yeah, you got to play every, everybody.

Out there has different. We understand your, your scenario is, is unique to, to you and our scenarios are just ours. So we can only speak to that. And, but it's interesting and I think everyone that listens to our podcast and other and goes, you know, searches for other resources to help them better themselves because nobody listens to, to this podcast because they're, because they don't. Because they want to be a shittier person.

Yeah.

You know, we don't, we don't promote that. But my point is, is like unless.

You'Re just listening to judge us and.

Then a lot of time on your hands. Lucky you're doing more.

More with your life than that.

But. Yeah, I mean, I don't even. I forgot where I was going with that, but I think I was just trying to make the point, like, we understand everyone's scenarios are different. Ours or what. You know, but sharing different perspectives is what it's all about. And it's. It's. And that's why, you know, we go to support groups and. And listen to multiple podcasts and. And other people because we want different perspective.

Yeah.

And, you know.

Yeah.

We don't always agree with them. You don't have to.

Yeah. But take what you want.

But.

And use it.

Take the bits and pieces that matter that you can apply to your life, that can make it a. Yeah. A more positive situation, and hopefully we provide that to some people.

Yeah. I would say another pro. Another pro that I've. That I've recognized is that I became way more intentional. Way more intentional. I'm sure a lot of men can agree with this after you go through a divorce. Like, let's be honest, some of us might have been couch potatoes at some point. Right. Might have had really low energy, so you weren't as present even when the whole family was there.

And.

And that might be part of the thing that led to the divorce. Let's be honest. You got to take responsibility for that.

Right.

Yeah.

A lot of people fall into routine, and.

Yeah.

And that routine becomes routine. Routine.

And it's, like, so stagnant.

Yeah. And that's when things start sucking. And it's like. Like, we used to have fun. We used to go out and do this and. All right, so you can now go out and do that.

Yeah.

You know, it's like, whoa. It's just.

That's wild.

Just. Just with somebody else. Yeah.

Or with your boys or with yourself. Like, some stuff that you like. But I think I want. I want you to give. If you're listening to this, I want you to give yourself a little bit more props. Okay. Because life's hard enough for you to also be hard on yourself. I'm just saying life's gonna beat you down. Why are you gonna do. Why are you gonna help it? I'm just not about that game no more. So I want you to give yourself a little bit more props, like, going through what you went through. Recognize that now you are a little bit more intentional. For crying out loud. You're listening to a podcast about single dads to help Single dads. How intentional is that? Like, when you were married, were you listening to podcast on how to be an incredible dad and how to be an incredible husband? Maybe. More than likely not. More than likely not. So give yourself some freaking credit, dude.

That's a good point, man.

Like, give yourself some freaking credit because now you are more intentional, man. Now you care about the moments that you spend with your kid and you want to make them incredible and you want to have fun with them and you want to leave a legacy. Whereas before it might have just been not even a thought. Might have been in the back of your mind, but it wasn't in the forefront of your mind and now it is. So like, celebrate yourself for that dude 100%. That's huge, man. I think we overlook that sometimes and we're like, oh, this is just so hard. This is just so hard. Yeah, but you're trying more than you tried then, and that's huge. Yeah, that's massive. The effort has astronomically increased. One of one of my boys.

That's, that's, that's so, so well said, man. It's such a good freaking point and I, I, I applaud you for that.

Thank you, brother. Thank you. It was really nice of you to say. Don't cry on the podcast, man.

Well, it's, but it's so true, man. It really, really is. And, and we, we've, we touch on, touch on it, but you got, you got real intentional with, about, about being intentional. Yeah, and, and, and it kind of opened my eyes even more so that, you know. So well said, man. And what a good point.

I appreciate that, bro.

I want to make a real out of that and put it on freaking.

Tick tock.

Yeah. Yeah, man.

One of, one of my clients, man. This dude, this dude is incredible. You guys have heard me talk about him. His name is Johnny. And the dude is just a beast, man. Such a beast. He got an emotion pillow with like all the emotions on it to be able to pinpoint what he's feeling, when he's feeling it. And he's teaching his kids this practice, he's teaching them at a young age how to identify what I'm feeling and why I'm feeling it and how to process it. Oh, my God. If that's not the most intentional thing I've ever heard of a father like, bro, your dad didn't do that with you. My dad didn't do that with me. I did not do that with my little girl when we were married, but now I Do you see what I'm saying like just think about the effect, the positive effect that that's going to have on those kids lives. And it all came from a terrible circumstance but he turned it into a blessing. Like that's beautiful.

Please remind me when we're not on the show to tell you there is about, about a, a feature that a plug in for you can put in your app that does exactly that, that documents. I don't want to talk about it.

I love that for real. But remind me, you guys just got like a little sneak peek of what I'm working on. Scott's helping me with, with. It's going to be amazing, man.

Hey, by the way, I, I haven't done this and I need to. Oh yeah. For everyone listening, we built a new app for the Single Dads podcast and if you already had it downloaded, it's still there. It's just different now.

Yeah.

And all you have to do is refresh it and create a new login. And if you haven't created a new login, you obviously haven't been to the app in a while or if you didn't. Yeah, no, but it is now. I can confidently speak that it is amazing. Amazing. There's, it's so feature rich. You, we, we have different groups. Of course you still have the, the, you can access the live support group. There's also a live support group chat.

Yeah, just for people.

Just for people that are in the support group.

And you can turn on your notifications to be notified when someone post in there now too. Which is also really cool.

Yeah. So if you, if you want to like hop, hop on the, in the community directory you can see everyone where they live on a map and if they're close to you, you can reach out to them and message them directly. There's chat rooms where you can up there's. You can upload pictures, gifts, whatever you want. And I know a lot of you guys have chat threads out there. I mean you can still do that if you want, but you can communicate with each other. Confidential, confident.

In private.

In private. And, and so you, and you'll be notified. There's. You have your own inbox. So if you miss a message you can always pop and look at it later and see what time it came in and from whom and all that good stuff.

So it's dope man.

Just check it out there. And Frank even made a video showing.

You how to use it.

It's like three minutes long. That just kind of takes you through the app and shows you the different features, and I've even added more since then, so. And my company built it. It's AppGro. AppGro IO is the website. So if you know anyone out there, we typically build them for life coaches and podcasters, influencers and things like that, but. But we can literally build them for anyone. And we're actually building one for Frank right now. It's gonna be done and it's gonna be live here probably in the next week or two, so.

Oh, yes.

But, yeah, I. It's been a while since I've talked about it, and there's a handful of guys that kind of figured it out, and so I just wanted to say something because I haven't put anything on Instagram about it, so if you listen to this podcast and you haven't downloaded our app, it's the Single Dads podcast. You can get it in the Apple Store and Google Play for you. Small percentage of Android users for you sinners. But anyway, just. Just check it out. And if you had already downloaded it, you do have to create a new profile.

Yeah.

And you'll be in like Flynn. Check it out and message me and let me know what you think. There's also lots you can dope stuff. Just check it all out. It's cool.

Yeah, it's incredible, man. Hopefully this episode blessed you. I like this episode. I had a lot of fun.

Yeah.

You know, just chatting through it. Hopefully it resonated with you, it encouraged you, and hopefully it just lit something in you for the rest of the day, if not the week, if not the rest of your life, to just implement some different things, see things differently, and, you know, turn your problems into, like, some blessings. Because it's there. The pros to being a single dad. Are there. Are there cons? I mean, everything in life has cons, but what are you going to choose to focus on? Because that will expand. So focus on the pros and make this life incredible, because you only get one.

And it's short, man.

It's so short.

Super short. I speak from being old. Thanks for tuning in, guys. We'll see you next time.