What every Single Dad should do!

Episode eight.

Boom. I am feeling great, brother.

Man, eight episodes already. Man, this is awesome. This has been really, really cool. I don't know, I just really enjoyed it. I hope you guys are really enjoying it. I know me and Scott definitely are.

And a great short ride and it's going to be a long ride, so I hope there's more than a few of you. So keep watching, listening, sharing with your friends. Yeah, we greatly appreciate it because we want to keep this thing going. We think it's obviously a topic that isn't talked about enough. And you know, we're single dads and.

We like to party.

We do.

Today we're going to talk about one thing that I truly believe every dad needs to do. Whether you're a single dad or whether you're not a single, it does not matter. I think every single you are human. Yes, you should do this one thing and that is self care. So if you guys haven't noticed, if you're watching this on video, I look a lot more tan today and that's because I just got back from vacation. So much fun.

Just went to the tanning bed, to.

The tanning bed for a couple hours. Got a little bit sunburnt, but my face is already turning tan because I tan sunburned.

Mexican.

Yeah, but yeah, man. No. And this one may not even be 30 minutes, you know I'm saying. But either way, I think it's something that needs to be talked about and I think the importance of it.

Define self care so because it's a very broad thing. Self care because you can take care of yourself in infinite ways.

Right.

So what self care are you referring. Got it.

Okay. So the self care that I'm referring to I think is the number one most important one and that's mental. Mental self care. For example. Agreed. If someone tuned into this and they're like, oh, there's an episode on self care but they just cheered to with dose Equis. Probably not self care in a health wise. Right. But mentally it is self care.

Not if you drink 24 of them.

Yes. Then it's the opposite. Do not do that.

We do not recommend that.

I, I think mentally. Right. So as, as dads normally what happens is we take on so much mentally and emotionally and it's almost like not to be graphic, but you know when you're constipated like you're just back and you do not feel well because you're just completely backed up. It's almost like that happens to us mentally and emotionally because we haven't been able to just like release everything and just kind of check out for a moment.

Interesting analogy, but it works.

I mean, hey, hopefully it's, it's just a bunch of men listening to this and they're like, I, I get that, I get that. I've been there before. But it's like, I think it's really important for, for example, for me and not mentally check out as in like you don't deal with anything. Right? So for me on vacation, I did this on one of the mornings. I went on a. Probably an hour and a half walk by myself and you know, I had some worship music playing. I was praying a little bit, reading the Bible, and then I was just kind of self analyzing like, hey, why do certain things trigger me? Right? Because I saw this post. By what? Huh?

Like what?

Like anything. Right? So if I don't get my way, why does that trigger me? If somebody doesn't do something that I want them to do or if you're human. Yeah.

And you're a sociopath. Okay.

But, but I started, I started thinking like, well, first of all, I was on Instagram scrolling through a little bit and I posted the most beautiful ocean picture. It was incredible. But I was on Instagram and I saw somebody posted a post from a therapist or I don't know if they were a therapist or mental, whatever. Anyways, it said if somebody is doing something that triggers you, then they might not be the problem. You might still need healing in a certain area. And I was like, that's an interesting perspective because me personally, I try and change them or the situation to benefit what I want, you know what I'm saying? Which is almost like a type of control. And I feel like we do this with our kids too. If they are acting in a way that we do not want them to. For example, if we desperately want them to play baseball but they don't want to play baseball and that triggers me, then I think I need to self analyze. Why does that trigger me? Is it something that I'm doing wrong or is it genuinely something that needs to be assessed on the other side? But I think always looking inward first is key in that. Right? And so I believe that's the number one self care. And you can do that on vacation or you can do it in your backyard at 7 in the morning or at 11pm at night when everyone's asleep with a cigar in hand, coffee or whiskey, whatever. But the point is not to check out mentally, but to actually check inward mentally. Does that make sense?

It absolutely Does. And you brought up a good point when you said like, I desperately want my son to play son or daughter to play baseball, but they don't want to. And I think just about every dad can relate to that in some form or fashion because we want our son. Like I want my son to do a lot of things that he's not into. Um, I wish he would try more things and it triggers me and I have, you know, self reflected and figured out that it doesn't do me any good to get upset about it or certainly get upset with him about it because he's not doing something that I want him to do.

Yeah.

At the end of the day I just want him to be more active than he is. I will back the kid all day, every day if gaming is what he is into. As long as he makes a freaking lot of money doing it eventually. But, but no, I support, I support him and whatever it is that he wants to do. And he's getting, you know, he's almost 15 years old so it's like, you know, I, I, I. Back to your point, I guess I have learned to not, you know, get my panties in a wide. Over, over not, you know, when he doesn't do something I want him to do.

Yeah, well, and I think it's, I think it's interesting bro, like, like looking at that, that you said you were self analyzing first. Because that's the key, right? If you notice, oh wait, it's not triggering something in me because there's something that I need to deal with. It's triggering me because I want him to be healthy. Right? You mean I want him to have, then that's, now you can actually make the right call in that and, and have an actual talk and be like, son, this is what's happening. Right. But if it triggers you and there's, it's because there's something in you that needs to be dealt with. Normally what happens is we lash out if it's untreated, like trauma or whatever that's going on or we're just again backed up emotionally or mentally. Um, at least that's what I've noticed. For me, like if it's something that my daughter's doing and that it's triggering. But it's because I know that I want the best for her and it's like very practical stuff like being healthy right Then at that point I'm like, hey, I am not, I am right in this area. But if it's just because I want to be controlling, that's Something that I need to work on. You know what I'm saying?

For sure. If, if anybody, I think first and foremost everybody needs to learn how to self reflect. And you know, I think it's such a. I don't want to get too off topic here, but, but thinking before you speak and, or act, especially with your kids, is such a huge deal. And, you know, I just, you know, I don't know that the last thing that you want to do is say or do the wrong things to, you know, make them feel bad for something that they didn't do or that they. I shouldn't say that they didn't do that, that they're not doing or whatnot.

You know, when it can be avoidable.

When it could be avoidable. Absolutely.

Yeah. It's like what we've talked about before on the show where we're talking about like, like I forgot how I, how I worded it, but it was like unknown investments or whatever, you know what I'm saying? Like investments that you don't know you're putting in them, but you are. Right. And it could be something like that. Right. And so I know that for myself when I'm not at my peak or at my good, like, stable self, and for me, what that looks like is if I don't spend time in prayer, if I don't read the Bible, if I'm not being active physically, and if I'm not like getting just some alone time and my prayer and the Bible are kind of those times for me to reflect and meditate. And then I recently started doing like breathing exercises. If I'm not doing that, I do not feel that I'm my best self. And I notice that I will get more impatient, I will lash out a little bit more. And I don't like that. And I think that is why we're talking about it today, that this is the most important thing that we can do. Because you cannot parent well unless you are thinking well and thinking straight.

I think that kind of wraps up and makes the point. I could go off and tell you guys, you know, what it is that I do to make sure that I'm mentally stable. And you know, at the end of the day is what we're saying is you need to be.

Yeah.

On your game mentally. And what that looks like is you need to be feeling good about yourself. And because if you're not feeling good about yourself, it's going to have a negative effect on anyone else that you correspond with in some form or fashion.

Yeah.

So take everything that Frank just said and you know, put it, put it into this. What makes you mentally good, Good for lack of, for lack of a better term. I mean it, you know, figure that out. Write it down if you have to. I'm one of those people that likes to write things down so I don't forget and it reminds me. And when I do that, I find that I successfully take care of the things that need to be taken care of for me to be, you know, mentally have that clarity and have the self awareness so I can think before I speak or act. And I'm not, you know, on edge all the time where I'll react in a, you know, a way that I'll regret.

Exactly.

Whatever that looks like for you guys, that's what you need to figure out and make it part of your routine on, on the daily. And then on top of that, what you mentioned that you just went on a vacation. Everybody needs to do that, in my opinion, once a quarter. And you know, I'm not saying you have to go to Mexico or somewhere crazy, crazy expensive. I know not everybody's, you know, financially able to do that, but you can always find something that can give your mind a vacation and your body as well.

Yeah.

And.

Well, and at the end of the day, if you don't pay the cost to take care of yourself first, it's going to cost you a lot more in the long run. I truly do believe that, even just in relationships and even, you know, with our kids. But like I love what you were saying and I want to dig into that part a little bit. You said that if you don't feel well about yourself, you'll take it out on others. And more than that, you won't just take it out on others, but you will be dependent on others to make you feel well about yourself. So then as soon as your kid is disrespectful, right. As soon as your spouse doesn't give you the affection that you think that you needed to feel the way that you want to feel, like when that is going to cause issues. Right. It's like that relationship coach that I tell you all the time that I like, listen to coach Corey Wayne. He talks about how a true alpha male doesn't need someone to complete them, they're just complete by themselves. Which means that if the person that you're pursuing, dating, married to, whatever, if they lash out, you're not going to react like a little pansy and be like, I can't believe you would say that to me. How, you know, What? I mean, like, thinking. Think about what that looks like for a second from the outside in. Like you're just complaining because they're not treating you good. Like, no, you make it to where it doesn't even bother you, doesn't even phase you, because you take care of yourself.

Absolutely.

And you feel well in yourself, with yourself. And now everything else is supplemental. It's not necessary. But when we make things necessary now, we've attached expectations onto those people and those relationships, and when they let us down, we feel like we are not enough and we lash out.

Yep. Couldn't. Couldn't have said it better myself. And at the end of the day, we want those. Anything and everything like that to just deflect right off.

Exactly.

When we're at our best and clarity is there and we're feeling good about ourselves, that's what happens, you know, that negativity that comes our way. We don't act like pansies and we don't, you know, pop off. Pop off or do whatever.

Yeah.

We deflect and we just move on.

Yeah, exactly. Exactly.

And we do it well.

Well, have you still been doing the. The recording yourself thing that I talked about?

Ironically, I did it this morning.

Really?

Yeah.

How'd you feel afterwards?

You know, I feel better after I've done it, I don't know, four or five times and I. I always feel a little bit better. I have not gone back and re. Watched. I don't know that I need to or want to, but it's just. It's kind of like talking to someone.

Yeah.

It's really weird. I don't even know how to describe it.

It's talking to someone. Trust to the fullest. That's yourself.

What we're talking about, for those of you who haven't maybe watched every episode, is a guest we had on.

The previous episode.

Previous episode. We. One thing that he does is takes his cell phone and records and just gets things off his, you know, off his chest and, you know, talks into his phone records. It. That's kind of a, you know, something that he does. And I picked up on it and started doing it because it sounded like a good idea. And it has definitely had a positive effect for me as far as, you know, getting things off my chest. So to answer your question, yeah, I'm. I still do it and I will continue to do it.

Yeah. And for anyone right now that's listening that you're thinking automatically, I don't have enough money to like, do a staycation or do a vacation. Guess what, what me and Scott are talking about right now, that's a form of self care, literally. And it's free. And anybody can do it at any given moment because afterwards you do feel so good. Like me on this podcast, after we talk, I always feel incredible because we just get to literally put it all out there and just chat about what we're always thinking about. You know what I mean?

Yeah. And in hopes of, you know, things that you guys can relate to.

Yeah.

And that help you. And hopefully you guys are going to be commenting and you know, telling us what's up.

Yeah. Honestly, leave in the comments whatever it is that you do for your self care just so that way people can actually view them and give people ideas. I know something that I started doing that's been pretty incredible. I started it yesterday but I was telling Scott about it. Wim Hof. He does some breathing techniques.

Wim Hof is a guy. His name is Wim W I m last name Hoff. H o F f or just H o f. Oh Hof. All right.

But he's incredible. This dude has done a ton of stuff. He ran a marathon in the desert with no water. He climbed Mount Everest in nothing but shoes and shorts, which is impossible to do. And then.

Or not for real.

Apparently not. Anyways, he's defined what the physical body can do to the point where doctors started asking questions and they actually started running tests on him. They injected him with a bacteria that is guaranteed to get you sick, severely sick, for six hours. So it's kind of a controlled setting. But he showed them that because of his breathing techniques and taking ice baths, he now can control with his mind what. What the body does. And so I started doing it yesterday. I did a full round of the breathing exercises which takes about 11 minutes. And if you don't have 11 minutes then I'm going to tell you that you're lying because there's 160something hours in a week. You work 40, you sleep 40. So what are you going to do with the other 40?

You have 11 minutes.

Yes.

Bottom. I even did it before we started podcast today. So.

Yeah.

Anyway, check this guy out. I mean to talk about him, it almost, you know, it's like whatever. So you know this, this guy sounds like a freaking. A freak of nature. Right.

Which he is.

Go to YouTube W I m h o F and check it out.

Yeah.

And there's breathing exercises and things that you know, he'll recommend that you do and some self care things that can be picked up that you never thought of. So I encourage everyone to check it out.

I was just.

Frank enlightened me about this guy today, and we did a breathing exercise right away. And I'm not going to say I felt like a new man or anything, but it was cool. And it's something I'll continue to do and look more into this guy. So, yeah, definitely check it out. And. And I guarantee most guys will. Will find it pretty fascinating and probably get involved in some form in some way.

Yeah. And. And the point that of me bringing that up is just so you know that they are. There is endless amount of free things out there that you can do to take care of yourself, because you cannot possibly take care of your child unless you're taking care of yourself. Because. Because it's just. It's just not going to happen. We have to be at our best selves always to be able to give our best selves to our kids. You know, And I'm not saying that we're going to be perfect. I know there's going to be days that we just are not feeling it and we're going through some stuff and people can't relate. And I get that. And we're human. I mean, but at the end of the day, I think that it is our responsibility as fathers. Right. Not as men. Because someone that doesn't have a kid, they don't have to deal with this stuff. Right. Unless they want to have good relationships. But there's not another human depending on them to be their best self. But when we become dads, you got this tiny little human that is like, looking up to us in every way possible. And there that is depending on us to set them up for success. Right. And to set them up to be decent human beings or phenomenal human beings. And if we ourselves aren't doing that, then how are we going to reproduce that? So that's my point with that.

And a good way to wrap today up, Tay. Yeah. So a good way to wrap the beer. Blame it on the beer. A good way to wrap today up is to talk about or just kind of wrap things up saying, you know what? There's freeways, there's infinite ways to clear your mind and make sure you're at your best for your little one or little ones and find them. Find what interests you, whatever works for you. If it's golf, if it's going to the gym, if it's listening to this guy that we just told you about, whatever.

If it's listening to this podcast, as.

I was just about to say, we don't have all the solutions or answers, but if anything, we hope we're a catalyst to get you to some things that will help you be better parents. That's the bottom line.

Yeah, that's really good. I think that's where we'll end. Thank you guys so much for tuning in, man. This episode was short, sweet, but straight to the point, I think. Honestly, very necessary. Again, guys, if you like the content, if you enjoy it, share it with someone that needs to hear it. I know that there's a lot of people out there, we both know, that need just a community of single dads that is positive driven because there's groups out there that do nothing but focus on hating on the baby mamas. And that's not what we're here to do. We're here to empower each other, enlighten each other, have some fun every now and then and honestly get some good conversation going. So make sure you like, you subscribe and you share this with anybody that helps us a ton of and we will catch you guys on episode nine.

Looking forward to it. Thanks for tuning in, guys.