What kind of dad are you VS the one you want to be?

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All right, guys, welcome back to the Single Dads podcast, man.

Welcome, welcome.

Hope you guys have been having an extraordinary, extraordinary week, man. Today we're going to cover a subject. It's going to be really fun. We're going to allow ourselves to dream a little bit. We know that as single dads, as humans in general, we go through so much stuff every single day. And today, man, like, let's just dream a little bit. Let's turn up the creativity a little bit. Let's change our focus to where we want to go to where we want to be. So the subject for today is, without further ado, what kind of dad do you want to be? So, Scott, what kind of dad do you want to be, bro?

I want to be a dad that raises his son. I only have one, and I'm pretty sure it's gonna stay that way. That ultimately, a lot ultimately makes my son. I just want my son to. To think before he does. I want to be the dad that if. When I'm not around to give advice, when I'm not around to answer questions, he can think. What would my dad do? What would my dad say?

It's cool.

That's the kind of dad I want to be. And I also want. Because my son's starting to, you know, he's 15. He's about to be 16. And, you know, I've. I've. I've. I've gone through so many different phases of fatherhood. Right.

Yeah.

And looking back, I don't have really a lot of regrets, to be honest. It's been. It's been a tough ride. I'll be. Be honest about that. But I just want. I want to be friends with my son. I want to be that dad. Yeah. And. But I also want him to know the difference between being friends and. Yeah. Me being his dad. And I want him to be able to come to me about girl stuff.

Yeah.

Sex stuff, about alcohol, drugs, decisions, life decisions.

So good.

The, you know, that's the dad I want to be. And honestly, like, that. That would. There's really nothing more important to me than that. I like that. Is That a dream? Gosh, I hope it's reality, man. I really do.

Yeah.

But in a perfect world, that my son would be my best friend. Yeah, we go golfing together, we go fishing, whatever the hell he wants to do. I don't care if he. He wants to go to a freaking gaming tournament live, whatever. I don't. That's cool, bro. I just want to be friends. And I. You know, I want him to make it to the point where we can have a beer together and he can look back and. And say, dad, you did a good job. Yeah, because I can now. I've been able to tell my dad that.

Yeah.

At the age that I'm at, and I. I can only imagine that it makes him feel good to hear. And so if I'm dreaming, that's what I. That's what. That's my vision, and that's my dream. Like, I want my son to be able to. I. Be able to have a beer with him and say, you did a good job, dad. And. And that's because he's where he wanted to be at or where he wants to be, or not necessarily where he wants to be, but he's happy where he's at.

Yeah.

And he had minimal struggles getting there because I was able to eliminate as much of those as possible.

That's so good, bro. That is so good, bro. Something that came to mind when you were talking is because I think all of us really want our kids to be our friend, but also have that boundary of, like, I'm also your dad. Do you think? Because this is what I think. Right. But I'm only 10 years deep, so you got five more years on me. Do you think there's seasons, bro? Let me expand a little bit. There's, like, a season where you're, like, the parent. Like, you know, like, I'm strictly the parent. I'm doing exactly what's best for you right now. I am not technically controlling you, but if I say no, it's. It's a no, because I know what's best. And right now, you don't really need the explanation. You just need to follow suit. And then I almost feel like there's the season where. And it might be the season that you're in, bro, where it's almost. You're more of, like. You're like the high school coach of the football team to him. You know what I'm saying? Like, you're coaching him, you're guiding him, but you have that, like, relationship now and then maybe in, like, the twenties. I think it's, that's where we graduate into like, the friendship.

It's like, hey, that, that's exactly how I envision it. That's why I, I referenced having a beer, you know. Yeah, he's gonna be hopefully like through college and. But if he chooses not to go to college and has other plans, then so be it. But I, I use, I referenced a beer because that in early adulthood, you know, he's old enough to drink. He's in his early 20s.

Yeah.

But, yeah, the 100 about seasons and the season I'm in right now is, Is a scary one, if I'm being honest, because he's, he's. He's learning how to drive. He's going to be faced with new decisions, you know. You know, when you get 10th, 11th, especially 12th grade, junior, senior year in high school, you know, more girls start coming into your life, more decisions as far as alcohol and drugs, you know, making. And that's what I'm talking about, like, making the right decisions. And I'll tell you what I've done thus far that I think all parents should do is anything, you know, I, I was a total F up as a youngster. And I've talked about it on here before and I've told him, you know, why I should be dead or in prison and not just to scare him, but to tell him, like, one bad decision can ruin your life.

Yeah.

And so I've told him all the, all the things. And as he gets older, I kind of like, you know, can tell him more stories so he'll understand. And ironically, just about a week ago, one of someone he knows really well was, who's only 18, broke up with or I think his girlfriend broke up with him or something, got wasted, drank, and wrapped his car around telephone pole.

Dang.

If it wasn't wearing a seatbelt, it would have killed him.

Yeah.

And he knows this person really, really well. And it really rattled him.

Wow.

And thank God the kid's okay, but for real, man. But I think when something like that happens, it really hits home and allows you to say. To understand, like, this is. This stuff can really happen. Yeah. Like, I can tell him story after story, but when you see something and it hits close to home and it happens to someone, you know real well, like, wow, this. And it allows him to. I was very impressed by the things that he said as to what. Because I asked him, why do you think he made that decision? Why do you, you know, and why would you not. Yeah. And things like that. And that Conversation was pretty interesting. And. And I was very proud, everything he had to say. And. But he hasn't been faced with such decisions yet, you know, And I. And I talked to him. I'll, like, I'll. I'll say, you know, it's like you can have three or four beers, and all of a sudden your mindset changes, and you think it's okay to have sex and not put that condom on, and boom, you know, you're 16, 17, and you got a kid on the way.

Yeah.

Or you get an STD or whatever. And, you know, so you just have to think before you start. Make that decision to crack that beer open. Where am I? Do I have to drive after this? Could I potentially make a decision that could cause issues? And that's what I'm trying to get through to him the most right now in this season, as you would put it.

Yeah.

Because. Yeah, there are seasons.

And you're the coach right now, bro.

I'm the coach. And you can give examples, but you can't be there.

Yeah. And when it's wild that thankfully nothing severe happened, but that. That's now a real life experience for him. Yeah. Because it's like, it almost like it made him come alive probably. Like, oh, snap. Everything that my dad said, pretty darn true. I mean.

Yeah. And. And I'll tell you what, like, the. The couple of times that he has effed up pretty bad, and. And it really came down to him being dishonest with me and. And me finding out, the disappointment. Put it. The way he reacted scared me. Like he. He wanted to. Like the words came out of his mouth. I want to kill myself. Because he was so disappointed with himself.

Wow. Man.

And that scares me.

Yeah.

Of course. And that. That Those words created a. A. A time for me to, like, step back and think, okay, if he can have such a thought like that, even if it was for a. A moment in time and he wouldn't really do it, but those words came out of his mouth. It means he had to think it. And that made me step back as a dad and say, okay, what. What can I do differently? And, you know, so it. Stuff like that is scary as hell.

Yeah.

Being a parent is scary.

Yeah.

And it. It only gets scarier. And I think I'm entering that season right now where, you know, it's like, all right, we're gonna put my father.

My.

My fathering skills to the test. Right. Because let's. Let's. Let's see as he graduates into this. This new season of. Of of driving and freedom and autonomy and being able to, you know, I mean, hell, yeah, I'm going to put a tracker on that car.

But, you know, wisdom.

But, yeah, I mean, it's, you know, I. You know, we'll see.

Yeah. Bro, you are in an intense season and. And you are in the, I think, one of the scariest seasons. I think about that often. Like my little girl going into that season.

Yeah.

And me going into that season with her. And it is petrifying. Bro, it is so scary because that's when you have to start releasing. Like, when it's here, it's all fine and dandy because I know I got it right here.

Yeah.

But whenever you're doing this, it's like, oh, snap, what's going to happen? And if you're not watching the video, I'm opening up my hand.

And. And see you're. She's going to be in sixth grade.

Fifth. She's going to fifth.

So when she goes into sixth, that starts a new season.

Yeah.

And I'll tell you why. And real quickly, because all of a sudden, because I remember when my son went to sixth from fifth.

Yeah.

All of a sudden all these things that didn't exist, exist, like clicks and fashion. And if you're not, you know, do. If you don't play a certain sport or if you don't do this, then you're a nerd or, you know, all kinds of things that fifth graders, you know, they. Yeah, they do some things, but nothing like middle school.

Yeah.

Middle school is a different story in high school.

Intensifies.

Yeah. So it just gets scarier and scarier because you lose less ability to make decisions for them.

Yeah.

I guess is the best way I.

Could put it, literally, is what it is. But, bro, I wanna. I wanna exhort you a little bit because I feel like you are that dad, the one that you want to be. And it's because you've been so intentional about it from the beginning. Like, bro, you were telling him to, like, be careful with stuff like this before he even knew what stuff like this really was. Like, you're already planting the seeds. You know what I mean?

And.

And now it's like they're blossoming, which I think is a good lesson for all of us. Right. Like, if you want to see something in your kids, start sewing now.

Absolutely.

So that the harvest will come out earlier and.

And like, just little things. Because he's now about to, like, get his first job. Right?

Yeah.

Like, one thing that I taught him from the time he could understand, like, as a. Like, probably three years old, maybe four. I. When you shake someone's head, anytime I introduce you to somebody.

Yeah.

And you shake their hand, you always make eye contact. Never look at their hand, never look down. You always look. Make eye contact. And to this day, I still observe every time I introduce him to anyone. Like, if we walk into a car dealership.

Yeah.

Hey, this my son, Riley. I watch him and make sure that he's doing eye contact and his handout, you know?

Yeah.

And that. And when he's having a conversation with me, sometimes I'll kind of look away while I'm talking, because I tend to think while I'm talking, and I'll go back, and he'll be right.

Right there with you. Yeah. So I do remember that when I.

Got to talk to him. That's just one of many, like, little things like, that you need to think about, you know?

Yeah. Yeah. I love that, bro, because I think you're well on your way to be literally the dad that you want to be, but it's because you've been intentional about it that we got to be intentional about these things, and that's what this.

This.

This whole episode's about. Really quickly.

What about you?

Yeah, that's what I was gonna say really quickly, because we've already been going 15 minutes. That went by fast, dude. No, it's all good, bro. I. I mean, obviously, I want to be that dad also, because. But I want to, like. I want to be. I really want to be the dad that, like, makes her feel safe.

Yeah.

Like, secure. Like, not just in, like, the emotional side of things. You know what I mean? Or like, the trouble side of things. But I also want her to feel safe, to be herself and be fun. Like, to be goofy and be this and that and just like. Because right now, my little girl, she still has a wild imagination, bro. Wild imagination. We'll be driving down on the road, and she's talking about, like, look, do you see those dinosaurs? And stuff like that. And then there's, like, this part of me that's like, you're too old for that. Right on the inside. That's, like. Because I'm scared that kids will make fun of her and things like that. But I don't want to kill that, because I think it's somebody else is gonna kill it. I don't want to be the one that does it. That's interesting, you know what I'm saying? I want to be the one that keeps it alive until. Until she goes into Something. And she's like, wait, hold up. This isn't okay with them. But I want her to know that it's still okay with people that love you. You can authentically be yourself the entire way through with people that love you. Because if I'm the one that kills it, I feel like I'm telling her, you can't be like that around me. And if you can't be like that around your dad, then what makes you think you can be yourself around anybody else? Does that make sense?

That makes all the sense in the world. And it's super, super mature, man. I. I thank you, bro. No, it is. I think you're. I think you're so spot on because, you know, you're. You're. You're also raising. Not only are you raising a daughter, you know, which is night and day from a son, as we all know.

Yeah.

But one who has autism, and that is going to come into play. And. And I mean, sadly enough, like, Riley got made fun of all. All the way up. I mean, still does to some in. Some. Because his mom is dead. Yeah. So you get made fun of for that. Being different in any form or fashion. Kids are freaking mean, man.

Yeah.

And it's gonna happen, so.

But.

But what you just said is so mature and so, like, I want to hug you, man.

That's the rum punch talking.

You really are.

I appreciate that, bro. Yeah. I just. I want to be that for her, man, just because of that reason, you know? I want her to really, really feel safe with the people that she loves and know. Know that she can be that person around the people that she loves and the people that love her will accept her for that type of thing. I don't know, man. I just feel like that's my one thing right now that I'm really, like, focus on, which leads. Leads me to this part. And we'll end here because we're about to hit the 20 minute. We were like, hey, let's do shorter episodes. That's probably. It's gonna happen, but there's gonna be episodes that still go a little longer. It's like, okay, I was talking to you about Ed Mylett a little bit downstairs. He shared something. Have I shared with you this? The marathon and sprints. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He shared that, and it changed my life. And I want to share this with you guys because you said this earlier whenever you guys got that little sweet hotel deal, and they were like, well, you guys can take it, like, next week or whenever. And you're like, no, there's no better moment than to take it right now. Here's the thing, guys. We need to focus on what kind of dad we want to be today. Like, have the vision of who you want to be in the future, but then ask the question, how can I be that today? How can I show up as that man today? Be. Because the Bible's so clear, man, that life is but a vapor. And I think we're all aware that we're not guaranteed tomorrow, but for some reason, we have the audacity to plan five years ahead and move. Here's the big difference. Move as if we have five years. I'm not saying don't plan for five years, but move as if you have.

One day and clarify that. Because I think that's a big deal. We do have to act like, hey, today could be the last day. And I think in many aspects we should do just that. But yeah, we should also plan for exactly in other aspects. Four, five years or 10 years down the road.

Exactly. So this is how I like breaking it down. Okay.

Okay.

If you're running a marathon, you're gonna run slower than if you're running a sprint or a hundred yard dash. Everybody that I've asked, some people are. Some people are just gonna coast even on that 100y. And every time I ask somebody that, I'm like, well, why would you run faster in the 100 yard dash? And they're like, well, because it's shorter and it's so interesting. So if we stop seeing life as a marathon, we start seeing it as a dash, our urgency will intensify. Now, here's the thing. Imagine that you're running a marathon, but they tell you, hey, you're gonna run a hundred yards. And every time you run 100 yards, we're gonna stop the clock and that's your time. And then the next time, another 100 yards. Will that be the fastest marathon you ever ran?

Yeah. That's an interesting way of looking. It's an interesting analogy. Yeah.

And so for me, it's plan for five years, but move in a 100 yard dash pace.

It's allowed to take breaks.

Not 100 yard dash, bro. Yeah, but when I started thinking about that, bro, I started operating differently. Like, I'll be honest, even with some of my clients, I've got them, massive breakthrough in our first session to the point where they don't really need the next ones. And it's not good. It just means I'm really good now. Right. But it's like. But it's Because I changed my urgency. Because I was like, I don't know if I have another meeting with you. So I have to give you everything that I have right now and from the beginning. Not going to wait 30 minutes in. Let's go after the root cause now and see what we can shift. So same thing with my parents, man. I don't know. My dad's a truck driver. He's constantly on the road. I don't know if I'm gonna see you tomorrow. So I'm gonna love the hell out of you today. This moment that I have with you, I'm gonna show up. How do I want to show up? As a son? And then I show up.

It actually goes back to our last episode, too, right? Creating moments.

Yeah.

And creating them anywhere, whether it's in a store, the backyard, or on trip or wherever. But living life today like it might not be there tomorrow is basically the point you're making.

Exactly, bro. And here's. Here's the interesting point that we can. We can. I've been applying it to, like, every area in my life, and Ed, my light, said this, so I have to give him credit for it, but he was saying the reason why we sometimes don't get the dreams that we believe we deserve is because we show up as if they're five years away. He was like, what would happen if you showed up as if it could happen today? What different actions would you take? You would show up way differently, Way more energized, way more excited, which would not guarantee the results, but increase the probability of you getting those results faster.

Absolutely. And he's onto something. And I know we gotta go, but it really just comes down to. And everything you're saying makes all the sense in the world, but all. But what? For one to succeed in doing this, they have to change their mindset.

Yeah.

And think of it in a way that you put it.

Yeah.

And so kudos to how you put it in the marathon and sprint and hopefully people will take that. The takeaway there is exactly that. Living life to the fullest every day.

Yeah, man.

And not thinking, oh, well, I've got to get to this and this and this. Because may not be true.

Yeah, exactly. Exactly. So hopefully that encourages you guys. Focus on what kind of dad you want to be. Maybe you want to be the fun dad. Maybe you want to be the goofy dad. Maybe you want to be the intense dad. There is no right or wrong answer. It's just, who do you want to be, man? And then run as if you're going in 100 yard dash.

I love it.

It.