Why is life so painful?

Okay, awesome. Let's jump in then. Hey, everybody. Welcome back.

What's up? What's up?

Another episode, man. First off, we just want to share some pretty cool news. If you're watching this, you can see on the screen, it just feels like a real show. Now we got announcements on its TV screen, bro. So we're gonna have a live podcast with open question and answer. That's going to be October 24th at 12pm Central Standard Time. But we're going to be featuring Kimball Lewis, who is a child behavior expert. You can check him out@empowering parents.com and again, this live experience is going to be exclusive for supporters. So if you need, if you want to become a supporter, go to the app, tap on resource payments, and then it will actually let us know. And then we will actually be able to send an email out to every single supporter to access that live call. And what's really cool about it is that you're going to be able to ask this gentleman questions that are like, specific for you and your situation.

Everyone. It's, this is kind of what everyone wants because we all have scenarios or situations that are very specific to us. And just like in the app and in the general chat, we see people, you know, often asking for advice and they'll give us, here's my situation. And it's often difficult to give advice when we only know so much.

Yeah.

But when you're able to verbally say, hey, Mr. Lewis, this is my situation. And this guy is crazy knowledgeable, he's been featured by so many very, very reputable publications and even TV channels and been on multiple podcasts to help people in, you know, with child behavioral situations. Empower parents to help empower parents. But no, with situations with, with teenagers, with situations, with youngsters, with co parenting situations, I mean, you name it. So. So this is going to be a phenomenal opportunity to be able to, you know, ask somebody who will have great advice based on experience and years and years of dealing with different types of situations. And, and also he is, he specializes in dealing with parents of people of kids that have special needs like autism and things of that nature. So, yeah, be a supporter. And this is also in our app under one of the side pages, pages of people that we recommend and, and all the details are there. So we wanted to let everyone know about it, plan for it. It is going to be at 12:00pm Central Standard Time on a Monday, October 24th, which is in like two weeks, two weeks from today. So two weeks from today. Right. The at this time, we'll be on with him talking and we will have a live Q and A once we're done talking with him and picking his brain for all sorts of stuff.

Yeah, and just so, you know, just so that everybody feels comfortable. Also, the, the episode will end and then we'll start the Q A. So the Q A will not be in the episode on Spotify and Apple podcasts.

Right. So your live questions can be, you know, personal and you don't have to worry about them being blasted, blasted on social media.

So it's really exciting stuff, guys. Hope to see you guys there. Make sure you become a supporter so you join us live on that. We want to do this more often for people. I think this will be really cool. It's going to be our first shot.

At it and try and try and plan for it. If you're on the west coast, it's going to be at 10am if you're on the east coast, it's going to be at 1:00pm and obviously Central and Mountain Time will be at 12:00'. Clock. Straight up noon.

Yeah, exactly. Exactly. So awesome. Now we get to put these two sexy beasts back up on the screen. Man, let's jump into this. Me and Scott wanted to chat about a little bit, Little, little something that I think is going to encourage a lot of people. And man, we were just talking about how everything in life, man, life can seem like it sucks. And you know, it really is what we choose to make it. We, we've, we've covered along this line a lot of stuff. And just, even just with awareness, bro, every time that we mention awareness, it really does revolve around this. And we just want to talk about how, man, life really is at the end of the day, even the worst of the worst situations, like, it can happen for us. And it doesn't mean that it's just happening to us. I mean, it can just happen to us, but it depends what we do with it.

And to add to that, when things that we feel like are awful, when bad things happen to good people, when bad things happen to us, they. And I wasn't saying that we're not good people. It's kind of separated. Like when they happen to good people and then when they happen to us. No, I'm kidding. Just generally speaking, though, when, when bad things happen, regardless of what it is, if something doesn't go your way in a custody battle or you have a situation or scenario where you're, you know, you're just freshly going through a divorce and Having to deal with, you know, you're seeing your. Your ex start dating other people and, you know, all of this stuff that causes pain and sadness and frustration and anger and all these emotions, at the time this stuff happens, it never, ever at the time feels like this is going to make me a stronger person.

Yeah.

However, if you can understand, and at least take my word for it, because I'm old. I'm. I'm in my mid-40s and the lower mid-40s. And, bro, if this pod, when we're.

Still doing this podcast in 15 years, you should just keep saying I'm in my mid-40s, even in 15 years.

But point being is, I have been through a significant amount of things that I thought were just like, how could God, if there's a God, how could he do this to me? That type thing where you start doubting, you know, your. Your faith, your beliefs. It's like, why on earth would God take the sweet angel of my wife away from me and my son? Like, why on earth would my mom get killed in a car wreck right when she and my dad were retiring? It just doesn't make sense. And, you know, it's like, I. I just never in a million years can I. Can I, through any kind of calculation, come up with an answer that makes sense, like, why would this happen? Why is this happening to me?

Yeah.

And I'm not saying that losing someone in your life, whether it's through death or just they're not going to be a part of your life or they're not going to be a significant part of your life any longer. I'm just saying that sometimes when these things happen, it's. It's part of life. You know, we. We all get one of them. And when you lose somebody at the time, you are distraught and you don't understand it, but as life goes on, you tend to realize, well, I better start living it, because it's precious. And I just saw somebody who did not deserve to go away, go away forever. And it just is what it did for me ultimately, especially with my mom's passing, and it made me look at life differently. Yeah. And it should make, you know, any. Any tragic event or breakup or finding out that your wife has. That you have loved and been with for so many years and you know so well. And then all of a sudden, she changes and isn't that same person anymore, and infidelity takes place, cheating takes place, obviously, or. Or anything. Maybe she becomes dishonest and lies and you fit, you know, just a number of Things can happen. And I'm not trying to ramble on and on about a bazillion different things, bad things. Just know that when these things happen, because they, they, they're all happening to people right now, everyone that's listening probably, well, literally has something going on. And just know that it's cliche, but when one door closes, another one opens.

Yeah.

And it's so true. And my, I guess my. The biggest takeaway from what I'm rambling about is to understand that life is precious. We get one of them. And if you want to sit around and sulk on something that's out of your control, that's your decision.

Yeah.

I'm not saying that you can't be sad. I'm not saying you can't have emotions because it's human nature and we're all going to have them. And I'm not saying it's going to be easy, but I am saying that if you understand, and I think those that are younger will have a harder time with this. But just know that whatever happens to you, that seems unfair and that's so bad is teaching you something. And a month, two months, six months, a year, I don't know. It's different for everybody and depends on what it is, but it will provide a life lesson that will make, make you wiser. It will allow you to look at life differently. It will allow you to make decisions moving forward differently with a more cautious outlook. And if you, if you choose to say this is, this is a life lesson and I'm going to look at it like that, rather than holding on to something, you know, it's like in the general chat, I, I read something from somebody new that was talking about, you know, wanting to hang on to their, their ex that is now dating someone else. And I believe somebody even responded exactly how I would have. And it's like this, this person that you're, you know, it hurts, but she's clearly moved on and she's clearly not the person that you once knew. And she's not going to be that person again. Yeah, she. So that person that, that, that thought process or that image of what you are holding on to or wanting to hold on to or you think you want back, you don't.

Yeah.

Because that person is gone. They are a different person now. And what you once knew isn't going to happen again.

Exactly.

You know, Exactly.

That's, that's where all the, all the beauty in life's tough situations, man, is kind of like what you were, you were Talking about, we can get so caught up with, I lost this person. So it means that life's not fair, right? And. And we. We have a valid reason to believe that, and we have a valid reason to attach that meaning to that situation. But is that. Is that meaning going to help you in the long run or not? More than likely not. And I think you found, like, a precious gift in it, bro, that, like, your late wife gave you in the passing of your mom, where it was like, you gave me the gift to appreciate this to another level that I didn't know I could appreciate this at. That's a gift. That's a gift. It was a.

It.

It came through a painful way. But you found the meaning that. This just means that, man, life is short and that whoever is close to me, I want to make sure that I take advantage of it and don't take any of that for granted. And now because of that, you're a different person 100%. You know what I mean?

You're.

You're just. And it probably helped your empathy level. It probably helped your intentionality, like, all of these different gifts that came to you. So going back to the topic that happened for you, like, it happened to you, but you used it for you, right? You used it for your son. You used it for your future, right? Like, which I think is so powerful because with divorce, for me, honestly, it's kind of easy to, like, teach people how to find that blessing and get them, like, over their. Their ex. That's why I'm pretty good at my job, right? But with that situation, it's so much. It's such a different dynamic. But even just hearing you talk about it, it was like, wow, dude, he actually got a very precious gift. And it doesn't mean that it wasn't painful. It doesn't mean that it didn't hurt. It doesn't mean that you don't miss the person. It doesn't mean any of that. But it does mean that, man, like, you can, bro, you could have, like, you know, a glass of whiskey and sit down, and you could be outside by your pool and just be like, you know, to whatever your mom's name is and your late wife's name is, and just be like, thank you. Like, thank you. Thank you for. For this gift that you gave me. Like, I could never repay you for that. And I wish that you were still here, but if you were still here, I don't know if I would be operating to this capacity.

So I wouldn't. Yeah, I wouldn't Be. And that's the whole point. And how you comprehended what I just said. Yeah. Is exactly how I hope everyone listening does. Because it's, it's, it's so true. Yeah. My empathy level went through the roof.

Yeah.

And it's, it's like my, My appreciation for things that I, like. Like take it. I took for granted. Yeah. I started appreciating so much more and I was begin to catch myself taking things for granted. And I would stop myself and, and say, hey, you get one life. It's precious and it can end in the, like, boom. You know, on my way home from here. God, please don't take me then. But, but, but it's so true. We don't. We. That's one thing that every single human being on this planet has in common, is we're all going to die.

Yeah.

And those that realize that and learn to live life knowing that, you know, we're only going to be a certain age for so long. You know, time doesn't stop, Right?

Yeah.

And doesn't wait. But time is, you know, the time. I guess one could argue this, but this is how I look at it. Time is the same for everyone. A minute is a minute. 60 seconds is 60 seconds. Yeah. 60 minutes is 60 minutes. It's an hour. But it's not the same for everybody because some people are living and growing and progressing and make. And doing things. Therefore, they're living life at a different rate of speed.

Yeah.

Than those that are maybe.

More down on themselves.

Down on themselves and feeling sorry for themselves and using alcohol or drug or they're addicted to drugs because they chose to, you know, numb themselves of whatever pain rather than realize the pain is a way for me to do better in life, not a way for me to become worse.

Yeah.

And get down on myself. Pain is we, we make it one direction or the other. Right. And if I chose to just go backwards or sit still, well, time for me is passing me by.

Yeah.

And I'll never get it back.

Exactly.

Whereas those that say, I, I lost something, I lost my marriage because of something that I did and, And I regret or something that they did and it's out of my control. It doesn't matter.

Yeah.

Regardless of whose fault it is or was.

Yeah.

You. You have to learn, if it's your fault, then you must accept blame and say, I screwed up and I'm no longer going to have what I had because of the decisions I made. And that's on me. But I can still be a great dad or parent. Yeah. And I'm not going to let it affect my kids more than it has. And co parenting in an amicable way can in fact, be a very good way to move forward. Yeah. In fact, a much better way to move forward than staying with someone for the wrong reasons and arguing all the time with them where you're. And then that affects your kids in a negative light way more than them having to health, like a healthy relationship of co parenting.

Yeah.

Right. So, you know, there, it's. It's up to you guys how you choose to react to what happens to you. That what. You know, regardless of being out of your control or it was a decision you made that was in your control and learn from it. So you don't. Don't make the same mistake over and over and, you know, but don't let time pass you by, because while time is the same for everyone, how you live is really how. How time works for you. Yeah. I can't think of a better way to say that. I hope it didn't sound stupid.

No, I follow you, though, bro. I follow you, though, bro. And it's. It's weird because you said, like, you know, some, like we're all. We're all guaranteed the same thing, which is death at the end of the day. But the problem is some of us are living as if we are dead already, which is like, it's. So that's one of my passions, bro. Like, that's why I do. What I do is like, I don't want anyone to stay in that place because I was in that place. Right. And the situations that you've been through, bro, it's like that could have ended you. You could still be the same Scott from then, but you chose to live. You. You chose to say, this is waking me up, not killing me, but technically it is killing us because it's killing a part of us that needed to die, I think. You know, like, it's killing the. The arrogant version of me. It's killing the. The version of me that likes to medicate and not actually learn what's really happening. It's killing the version of me that takes things for granted and doesn't take things and appreciate them for what they are and give my all to them. So it's killing that thing away, and it's bringing out a new side of us. But the only way we can do that, though, is if. Is if we identify. Like, okay, what do I want to make this situation mean? And I think that's what a lot of us don't Sit down and do. Because it's, it's painful, bro. I mean, it really is like to sit there and look back at.

Do it because it's, it's, it's. For some, it's impossible in to them.

In their head.

In their head. It's not, it's not impossible. Which actually comes down to what I was talking to you about earlier or brought up to you earlier is like, I just want to surround myself with people that are positive, that brings, that bring something good to my life and that are uplifting. I don't want to be around people that bring me down that are, that are weight time wasters.

Yeah.

You know that.

Yeah.

Don't have any care in the world about if my career goes well or if I'm happy or do they really genuinely care as to, you know, how are you doing? You know?

Exactly.

And you know, it's, it's the people that just want, you know, a lot of people just want to feel better about themselves and they want to bring you down. So they feel better about themselves.

Yeah. You know, or they just, they take so much from you that eventually you just feel drained. And then now it's like they left you feeling all off. But they feel great. Right. That's why these whole like venting sessions that people like to do with their friends, it's like, trust me, I get it. But like, learn event with yourself first and then you don't have to projectile vomit all over the people that you love. Like, if you. If we would be willing to like literally sit there and what is going on with me? Why is it that I'm feeling this way and all and then just let it all out? Then guess what? It's kind of like a little bit of a different conversation now. It's more like, bro, Scott, I was going through this dog and I just started going in and then afterwards I felt amazing. I felt this. I felt that. Like, how have you been? You see what I'm saying now? Instead of being a taker, you're, you're a giver and, and you're serving somebody. And the only way to like, really enjoy life is to serve people. Like, look, if we wanted to look at the most miserable people in our lives, they're always wanting something from someone and then feeling like they deserve it and that and expecting it. Right? And then the people that are the most fulfilled are the people that have like, very low expectations, if, if any. And they're just like, how can I serve? How can I help? How. How can I Be. And then people get mad because they're like, well, why are they doing so well in life? Or why. Why are they getting promoted at work? Was because they don't mind staying an hour later if the boss needs it. And they're probably proactive about it by saying, hey, can I do something else? What else is on your plate that I can help take off of your plate? That's how you get promotions. That's how you get promotions in it, with friendships, it's like, absolutely.

There's a.

There's an analogy that one of my buddies, our. Our. Our buddy Jonathan Bodner uses, and he's like, relationships, like, you cannot expect to always withdraw and never deposit into the atm, or else it's going to go into insignificant, insignificant funds or whatever. Insufficient funds, right? And I think that's how we. We need to, like, be able to look at it when it comes to, like, you know, relationships with people is how much am. Am I actually investing in this? You know, how much am I with no strings attached? Like, and sometimes, honestly, bro, the best thing that we could do. And. And I know this because me and you have this type of relationship. Me and Jonathan have this type of relationship. Me and Brandon, me and my brother. Like, I've created these relationships, and I feel like I've attracted these relationships because one of the best things that anyone can ever do is be like, hey, how are you doing? And then when they're you, when you respond, you're like, oh, man, good. Just been busy. No, how are you really doing? Like, no bs, bro. I actually want to know how you're really doing so I can pray for you, so I can encourage you. So maybe I have something that I can help you with, you know what I'm saying? Like, that is the best. The best fulfillment that I've personally experienced in relationships that so many of us. Like, so few of us do. But we're always expecting it from the other person.

Always.

Like, well, why doesn't nobody check up on me? Well, I remember I checked up on a buddy for the first time in, like. Like three months ago. And then, like, two weeks later, guess who checked up on me? It was naturally reciprocated, you know what I'm saying? So then guess what that makes me want to do, man, you know what? I'm gonna shoot him a taxi. How this dude's doing real quick. And then you check, and then we begin to create that. Right?

Wow.

We just went completely off topic, but that was really good. It was really good. No, back to the Original topic about how life is always happening for us. Right. Like, I want us to consider this. We can't. We can't really identify that something is actually good for us if we're never willing to, like, run into it. Like, the thing that's going to teach us the most and give us the most fulfillment and blessing in our lives are usually the things that we run from. The pain that's being caused. Right. That heartbreak that you're experiencing right now, us running from it because we don't want to feel it, is actually taking a blessing from us. Because when we run into it, we can find truths, like you did, bro, where you're like, man, because of this. Like, I'm not as. I'm not scared to revisit this pain because I'm thankful for what it gave me at the end of the day. Doesn't mean it didn't hurt. Doesn't mean. Doesn't mean any of that. But I am thankful for what it gave me. And so I want to encourage anyone who's listening right now because that's really, like, all we can do is, these are the cards that were dealt. How do I want to play them?

Exactly. And. And we have seasons in life. Right. And those seasons are often not changed because we say, you know what? It's time for a new season in my life. They're changed by things that happen to us in our lives or around us. And we make decisions to, well, this relationship is no more. Now what. How am I going to move forward?

Yep.

And what am I. What have I learned from this relationship? And how do I want the next season to do? I want to take a break from dating and just focus on my career or myself or my health or whatever. And so the next season in your life is now I'm going to focus on my physical and my mental health.

Yeah.

And what is that? What's that going to look like?

Yep.

And, you know, then you start creating goals and you start focusing. And. And whether you. You join support groups or get a coach or go to therapy or whatever, read books, you know, or articles and publications that have to do with what your goals are now in this new season. So, you know, rather than try to hang on to something that we know deep down is no more, and it's not ever going to be the same, why spend time putting yourself through that. That self depreciation? I mean, just it's. It's literally you're. You're bringing pain to yourself by allowing it to hang around.

Yeah.

And before you Ask for advice from someone you know or someone you don't know. Think about what I'm asking for. I'm asking for advice as to. Based on this scenario. How. How should I handle it? Well, before you ask for advice, ask yourself that question or those questions and see how you answer them and answer them yourself and just. Just to kind of see where your mind is. And then go to a support group or, you know, maybe like in the single dads app. And if you want to ask about your advice on. On your scenario based on, you know, I've got a kid on the way and things of that nature, answer those questions yourself to see how you answer them and then see how other people answer them and compare and, you know, just see kind of where you are in comparison to people that are, you know, are willing to give you advice based on, you know, maybe their wisdom or their similar scenarios or just having basic knowledge of how to handle things. And, you know, just try. Try doing it in a. In a way that makes sense. And to me, that's logical to. To ask yourself. And like, before I. Before I go to you and say, man, what do you think I should do? I've thought about it and I'm thinking I should do this. What are your thoughts about that?

Exactly. Exactly. Because now you're getting them filtered. Yeah, now you're getting them filtered out, and now you're not creating a dependency on somebody else, which is really good. I. It's something that I. I used to do in ministry when I was like, you know, leading leaders, and they would be going through something and they. I'd get a text. Hey. They'd call me pastor. It was so weird because I'm not a pastor, but they'd be like, hey, Pastor, do you have a minute to chat? Really struggling with something right now. And I'd be like, yeah, of course. Have you prayed about it yet? They're like, no, not yet. I'm like, well, go ahead, pray about it. Right? See what you hear from the Lord, and then come and talk to me about what you prayed about and what he spoke to you, because more than likely he's going to reveal some answers to you and then we can talk about that. So what I was doing was I didn't want to create a dependency on me. I wanted them to create a dependency with their connection with God and then bring it in and, like, filter it out, just like you said. Because if. If you're sitting there and you're like, dude, I just feel like this means that life's not fair. And then you talk to your buddy about. And you really sat down. You're like, okay, what does this mean? What does this mean? And that's all you came up with. And just be honest about it and be like, bro, I can't come up with nothing. I feel like this just sucks. Right. And then have that person speak into your life and be like, okay, well, have we looked at it this way? Well, have we looked at it this way? And the more that you surround yourself with voices like that, the more your eyes. Like, that's how. This is how it happened with me. My eyes just began to open, and I started to see things differently. This is why they say that if you surround yourself with people that make a lot of money, you will eventually make a lot of money. Because now your. Your eyes have opened to a different side that's available in this life. Yeah. Everything changes. So same thing with fitness. You surround yourself with a bunch of dudes that are all driven for, like, fitness, and they're hitting their goals, and they're doing that Now. You have steroids, too, right? Yeah, exactly. You can get on the juice as well.

But. But, you know, it's like if. If. All right, here. Here's a really good example. Like, you know, I've had multiple businesses throughout my career. Right. Well, and. And this is also something that I observed from. Well, from. From other people as well. If. If you've had employees and they call you to ask you a question, like, hey, I need to know how to do this, or, hey, it's almost like they're. They're. They're. They're calling sometimes to let you know that they're doing something, or if they really don't know how to do it, it's because they haven't thought about how to do it, and they just want the quick answer. There's. But if you. Is. What I would do is I. I observed this. I learned this from a mentor, and I just quit answering the calls. I just wouldn't answer the call.

Yeah.

If it was an emergency of some sort, I'd get a text. It's an emergency, but I just wouldn't answer the call. And then eventually they quit calling, and they would make the decision and answer the questions they were calling about themselves.

Yeah.

Yeah. And that's how they would learn. And otherwise, if you just continue to pick up the phone and give them time they don't need of yours when you need to be doing other things anyway.

Yeah.

Eventually. That they'll figure it out.

Yeah.

And My point is, you'll figure it out on your own if you know, but don't allow, you know, don't wait for an answer. Be proactive. You know, think about, you know, what. What. What do you think my boss would say? What do you think whomever would say or how they. Or what would they do? Someone you look up to that you want to know, you know, before you ask? Like, answer the question yourself.

Yeah, dude, here's. I want to do this. I think this will be cool. I think you'll think the same thing if you are in the single Dads podcast app. I want you to ask yourself that question, and I want you to go ahead and try and find, like, a good meaning for why you're going through what you're going through. Find the gift, identify. How is this actually happening for me? Right? Did this actually make me a better father? Because now I'm a lot more intentional. Now I'm a lot more caring. Did this actually bring out new sides of me that I didn't know that I was. That I had, but that now I'm actually willing to, like, explore? Did this actually open up an opportunity to where now I can actually end up with somebody that I'm aligned with? You see what I'm saying? Like, there's so much, so many gifts that could be there, but I want to challenge everyone that's listening right now. Like, you go find them, just like Scott said. Ask yourself the question, like, what do I want to make this mean? What do I want to make this mean? What is the blessing? Where's the gift in this? And then when you come up with some, throw them in the general chat and share it with people. Be like, hey, man. Like, this is something that I've been struggling with, and this is the meaning that I'm choosing to find. This is how I'm going to allow it to work for me, not against me, but I'm going to allow it to work for me. And I think. I think that's, like, a good, practical place for anybody right now that's struggling. This is how you can begin to create your own closure. This is how you can begin to start letting go. This is how you can begin to stop wanting your ex. Like, it's literally a proven process if you. If you give yourself to it. And it's also going to help you, like, finally, like you said, spend some time with yourself, with your thoughts, and be like, okay, this is kind of what I'm coming up with. And you might be extremely surprised that. Holy smokes, I was actually able to navigate it. I just had to, you know, for lack of better words, grow a pair and dive into the. And dive into the pain and get a little curious about it instead of just seeing it as, wow, this sucks. Wow, this sucks, my life is over. My life is over. That's so easy to say. So easy to say. I know that this is killing you now. Find what it's killing in you and find what it's awakening inside of you.

As well, most importantly, what is awakening. And, and just accept the fact that your situation is what it is and nothing, I mean, I shouldn't say nothing you can do will change it because.

It'Ll change how you experience it though.

It'll change how, how you go through whatever you're going through. But I mean, support groups are for exactly that. And oftentimes you get per. The perspectives of different perspectives help people.

Yeah.

And when you can get perspectives from people that have gone through what you've gone through or have been able to be advisors, trusted advisors to multiple people that are and have gone through what you're going through, then to have access to those people is, Is fantastic. Yeah. But you have to go into it and with, with the mindset of what, whatever, whatever perspectives I get or if my perception is changed that then I need to, I need to understand why and I need to believe that that is a positive way for me to go about it. So you have to, you know, be aware and think about your situation and you know, whatever someone, whatever advice you get or new perspectives that you get that you had maybe hadn't thought of before.

Yeah.

You still need to think, does this apply to me? Or how can I apply it to me? In a healthy way, in a logical way, in a rational way. And in doing so, you will come out of it in a more positive manner as opposed to sitting around and, you know, being reactive and not proactive. And you know, it's like those who know they have issues but keep, they let the, they lose to their emotions. The negative ones. The ones that suck.

Yeah.

The ones that suck the life out of you.

Yeah.

And when you lose to those, you make bad decisions, when you make poor decisions, you do stupid.

Yeah.

Ends up. That's when you make decisions that you regret. Excuse me. And when you don't think things through before you do them or say them, which is advice that I give to everyone and I will continue to do that. If you, if you want to do something or say something to your ex, don't do it in the moment because you're doing it based on an emotion that won't be there in an hour or in 24 hours. So please, here's my advice to anyone and everyone that's asked for advice. Think about your situation for a solid 24 hours before you ask for advice or before you make a decision as to how you're going to proceed, or if you're going to reach back out to your ex who's now dating someone else, and you're, you know, all pissed off about it. But do you really want someone like that back in your life anyway? You know, it's really. Think about, think about it.

Yeah.

So that's my advice to. My general advice to everyone is to just think about your situation very carefully and think about the emotions that you have and think about why you have the emotions, the root cause of those emotions. And I'm not saying that they will go away, but you can move forward with those emotions in a healthful way, and that's what I'm advising you to do.

Yeah, I like that. I like that. Because if we move on emotion, we're controlled by the emotion. And I think the only emotion that we should make immediate action off of is, like, pure love. Like, if you're just in that loving state where you just feel powerful, right? It's like the most powerful emotion we can feel is like, genuine gratitude, appreciation, and love. If. If you can move off of that emotion, then move off of that emotion, but don't move off of the other ones. And you can create that. Like, you really can. Like, our thought, our thoughts is what creates every single emotion. Like, I tell my clients this all the time. What you entertain in your head, you're gonna experience in your body. And if you don't believe me, start thinking some negative stuff right now. Watch what happens. Emotion gets created, but then start thinking about kind of like what we did earlier, things that you just genuinely appreciate in life and really, like, give yourself to thinking about those. And what you're seeing in your head, you will eventually experience in your body. And when we can learn that and we can learn to check ourselves and be like, hold up, I'm off. Emotionally, I'm going to readjust my focus. That's when we get powerful, bro. Because I've caught myself doing it multiple times now. And it really does help change the way that I address issues and the way that I see life. And then it makes issues that seem so massive, small. But it only happens when we begin to, like, master our emotions. And so that's really good advice, bro. Yeah. I want to encourage everyone, make sure that you do that and make sure that you spend some time, man. If you're really, really struggling and you're in the single dads app, type about what you were struggling about and then type about what, meaning you found what blessing you found in that and then let everybody in on that instead of just, man, I'm just really struggling with this. Be like, hey, this is something that I'm struggling with. And this is how I'm kind of seeing that it might be actually really good for me. Might be actually really good for my kids. Might be actually really good for my future, for my family dynamic, for my purpose, and then play off of that. Like, that's powerful. You know what I'm saying? Do you got anything else, bro?

I just want to say Miguel Martinez, who's been part of this community, was one of the first people.

Yeah.

To become part of this community, who is an amazing guy. I got a phone call from him on last Friday, and he. He's been traveling overseas. He's been furthering his education, furthering his career. His ex is now. Hope he doesn't mind me saying this, but I don't think he would. But his ex is, you know, who he had to deal with, you know, with those of you who are going through fresh divorces and breakups. Like, this guy had to deal with, you know, infidelity and. And just all. All the.

All the mess that cripples everyone.

Yeah. And to take his mind off of it, he. He decided to quit drinking. He wasn't like a crazy alcoholic or anything, but as he would say, he. He was. You know, he drank and he would get drunk multiple times a week and things of that nature. And he lives in California where it's legal to smoke. So, you know. Yeah. He basically just quit putting the toxins into his body and started doing positive things to further his. His career and his education, which go hand in hand. And I think it's been approximately four years. And his ex is now about to have another baby with her, you know, new partner who he has be, you know, been able to overcome and how they now have an amicable, really good relationship. So much so that he was telling me that when. Like, when he was traveling just recently to. And he was gone for like a month, plus she had to. She took their. Their daughter for like an entire month while being, you know, eight months pregnant. And so now he's offering. Hey, while you, you know, when you have your baby, things will be, I think, He's November, December. Anyway, he. He said, when. Once you have your baby, I'll take. Yeah, I'll recept. I'll reciprocate, basically, and take. Take our kid for. For the. For a month.

That's so awesome.

So I just thought. I wish he had. He. He's. He's so pressed for time and hopefully he'll. He'll hop on one of our support groups on Monday nights coming up. But he's just one of those guys that brings so much positivity. And he was, he was asking about some of the regulars and like, Trevor. I was like, yeah, Trevor's on a complete one 80, man. It's awesome. And he was asking about CJ and CJ, I miss you, bro. Wish you would join us. I need to reach out to you and I will. Miguel said the same. So sorry about getting all personal here, but I just wanted to say what's up to Miguel and hope to see him, but. And use him as an example. Like, this guy really went through a lot. And, you know, here he is down the line, his ex, who, you know, they were at each other's neck and cheated and so on and so forth. Now he. He's like helping her with having a child with somebody else.

Yeah.

You know, so, yeah, just. I mean, powerful, man. If that's not powerful, that doesn't demonstrate that you can overcome and, you know, and, and, and move forward. He. He made a decision.

That is a man who chose to make this a blessing.

Yes.

Everything is a choice. You can make it a curse or you can make it a blessing.

That's why I brought it up.

Yeah, it's beautiful.

So, yeah, man, that's all I got. And I don't know when you're gonna push this live, but we're recording Monday at noon. So if you push it live, we will be having our support group tonight. Yeah, I'll send emails out as usual and hope to see you guys there.

Awesome. Have a blessed day, guys.