ID - The Gateway to an Alternate Life - Day 2 Q&A

Our identity as we know it begins to form from the instant we take our first breath. We start off as a blank slate, an open book waiting to be written. Our early years are filled with first steps, first sights, first discoveries. Each of these moments shapes us, adds a brushstroke to the canvas of our character. As we move through adolescence, the picture becomes more complex. Little by little, we become a mosaic, a multifaceted collage, a puzzle formed from.

The fragments of our life.

There comes a day when we grasp the paintbrush ourselves.

We realize that we need not be.

Defined solely by circumstance, that we have the power to paint our own future. We awaken to find that we can reshape our identity. Our identity continues to evolve, but now as an intentional work of art, guided.

By our own hand.

We are the artist and the masterpiece. It is time to step into a greater identity. This is the gateway to your alternate life.

Foreign, gorgeous human beings of identity work. Okay, I gotta tell you, yesterday I stayed up way too late reading your stories. This morning I woke up, my eyes were glued shut and so someone. Because I was just crying all day. Like, when you listen, when you really read these, I could see them like movies unfolding. I don't know if you experienced that, but I could see it. Like, some of you, the way you were writing it, I could already tell. Like, I. For some, I could tell like, okay, this is the beginning. And that's kind of what I expected. I expected this energy of like, okay, they're. They're starting to touch the surface. But some of you wrote your stories in ways where I was like, they already get it. They already get that that matters, you know, just in the way the words were written. Like, I could feel it swelling up in my body. It was getting me right in my. In my heart. I was like, oh, my gosh, like, the meaning and what it made me. I was reading all your stories yesterday is, when you think about it, every movie we've ever watched is just a story from a person we don't know that's told well, where we completely fall head over heels with a person within like an hour of watching the movie. That's all it is. It's a stranger with a story that probably has happened to somebody at some point, unless it's a fantasy. But most of these stories that take our breath away are just a really well told, real story story. And so many of us here have the ability to tell our story well. It's just the only way you tell a story well is you got to care about It. And the only way to live a life well is to care about it. That's the breakthrough. That's the first breakthrough. So many times people be like, okay, so the key to being successful is you got to be a great storyteller. How do I become a great storyteller? You've got to care about the story. How do you care about the story if you don't care about your life? How do you care about delivering a good story if you don't even feel it when you're telling it? And so this is really the beginning of something extraordinary. And I want to congratulate all of you for the work you've done so far. I know some of you are just catching Module two. You haven't seen module one yet. This is going to be a really incredible program to tap into and to keep connected with. So make sure you're watching the modules, order if you can, to get the greatest experience possible. Q and A is, is. Is good. But make sure you've watched day one before you go into day two. Now, I want to bring someone forward for you, because this is you. Probably a lot of you have met her already. She is a masterpiece of a human being. And she always helps me create the most powerful containers. Her name is Jaclyn Shaw, and she helps me create activations and really deep real emotions for the clients in any program. And so the idea is that we bridge the screen, that you're not just learning the programs, that you're actually taking the wisdom and you're bringing it into your body to feel it, to activate it, to bring it home. And this is really her specialty. And so I want to bring her up for a moment because she's going to be leading some activations in the program and I want you to know her face and I want her to have a chance to say a few words before she hops off for another training. So, Jack, whenever you're ready, jump on in. Hello, hello.

Hello, Melanie. Hello, gorgeous souls.

Gosh.

I have to start by saying yesterday, when that automation played like, the emotion and the beauty I felt in it felt next level. And then after spending the morning reading your homework from yesterday and watching it again, I feel like it just took things even deeper for me. Like, there was so much coming up and seeing, like, Melanie, like you said too, like this, this space right now of, like, understanding and truly, like, feeling and getting, like, who you are matters and matters so much. And I'm so happy to be here and to support in this space and in this process and so there'll be various activations with me in this space. We're having our first one tomorrow morning. So after this call, there will be an activation. And I often get asked, like, what. What to experience in an activation. Is it a meditation? Is it a vis. And honestly, it's neither. It is an activation portal. We're going to shift energies. We're going to move. We're going to. And when I say move, not physically move our bodies, we're going to receive. You're going to shift energies, you're going to release. There's going to be things that we let go of. There's going to be energy clearing. We're going to cut cords to past evidence and versions of you that you're holding on to and bringing into the now that's no longer serving you. And we're going to activate. We're going to activate the soul remembrance of who you are so you can step in and full ownership and claiming who you are, knowing who you are, remembering who you are. And so this is going to be an incredible journey. I'm so happy and excited that this is just the beginning.

Oh, my gosh, I'm so excited. So is there anything that they need to bring for tomorrow's session or do they just show up?

Show up.

We'll.

We'll go off camera. So show up in a state of receiving. If you have, you know, there's a candle you want to light or crystals or anything that just allows you to really surrender, receive. You can be in the bathtub, you can be naked, you can be clothed, like, just really showing up so that you can receive. And with, you know, with no agenda, I'll. I'll invite you in as we begin the activation to really drop in, to release the expectations. So showing up however you desire.

That's perfect. Thank you so much, Jack. And I'm sure I speak for everyone when I say we are very excited to experience your magic in this program. Thank you. Thank you, thank you.

I love. I'm just seeing bathtub activation. So next level. Yes. And it is at 10:00am EST, so I will see you then.

Perfection. Thank you so much. Okay, so we are going to be starting off with our Q A today. There's quite a few questions and I want. I want you to know I have really read a lot of them where I'm like, oh, that's coming, that's coming, that's coming. And I was hoping that would happen. Just because the Q A threads are such an interesting thing. They kind of help me see where people are. Sometimes I'll go and I'll put in a Q A thread and I'll notice people are asking me everything we've already talked about. And I'm like, okay, something didn't land or a lot of the information got blocked somehow. Other times I can already tell people are eager for the next thing. They're like, my question's about this. And I'm like, that's coming. And so there is a lot of that. But there are some questions on this thread that I want to prioritize today, which I think will make it extraordinary session and will pave the way to the next one. What I do want you to know, though, is if I don't answer your question in this Q and A, it's not because it's not good and it's not because it didn't matter. It's either because it's coming or. And the answer is literally coming or it's because I want you to experience a few more calls before I make sure that you still need this question, if that makes sense. Okay, so Alpha femme team, if you don't mind tagging me in the Q and A thread, because for some reason. Oh, there it is. Sorry, never mind. This disappeared from my screen for a moment. Okay, so the first question. All of my life, I had been super confident, but the last five years, I have lost my magic. I'm not that confident anymore. I'm going through menopause, so I think my hormones have to see with this. What recommendations would you make to recover energetically from this? So there are so many different ways of coaching, and this is why I love coaching and mentoring, because I feel like there's so many angles that you can come to things with. But what we're going to do in this program is we're going to look at it through the lens of identity work. So I'm going to ask you a question, and this is a question for the whole group. Do you think that it is possible that when your body starts to change or when you hit a certain age, or when the hormones in your body even you've been told they're gonna. When you hit a certain age, is it possible that the way you feel about yourself, the way you think about yourself, the way you identify with yourself changes, is it possible that from never even considering your age, that for never even thinking about it, now all of a sudden you're saying, well, you know, I'm about to hit my menopause. Well, you know, I'm getting to that age I'm getting to 54. You know, it happens to people my age. My mother went through it and my aunt went through it and you know, every person I've ever met that went through menopause went, had a hard time, like I'm right in it. So, you know, I really resonate with that and I really, I, I'm in that. I am that now. You know, I am a 54 year old woman and I am going through menopause. Is it possible that by having really strong thoughts about that, that there may be an underlying identity thing that just that happened without even realizing it, that you may have picked up a new thing? Like this is kind of who I am. And so is it true that it's possible that your body is going through hormone shifts? Yes, of course. But you. I have seen people go through hormone shifts as 30 year old women. But their, their identity also gets hit, but in a different way. The fact that you would have lost your magic, that isn't necessarily 100 a fact of something that's, that should happen for sure when you hit menopause. But it is a story or an identity that a lot of people will tell. As soon as I hit my menopause, I was a totally different person. And when we hear these things often and often and often through all kinds of different examples, is it fair to say that a lot of us have a preconceived expectation of who will become as we age? We hear stories about grumpy old men. We hear stories about women who used to be so magnetic when they were young. Even if it's not a person that, you know, there's an underlying story in humanity that women become less magnetic as they age. So why I really feel this identity work is so important is because we actually do have a big piece to say in what we identify with. Because I have met a lot of people in my life that have said things like, I just don't, I don't, I don't buy that. Like, I don't believe that. I don't think it's true that I'll be this way. And then they don't. And it's the weirdest thing they'll say. You know, people said when you get to this age, your body starts to change and you start to not like the way you feel. I never, I never experience, I never believe that. And their body doesn't change. And I've seen people be like, well, you know, I always knew it would happen. And I've already noticed some stuff and I'M already noticing. So sometimes it's conscious and sometimes it's subconscious. But what I want you to open your mind to is this, just for fun, if you decided throughout this program to look at your yourself like this instead of saying, I'm 54 and I've lost my magic, because that is definitely a thing that when you say it starts to define you. If you said something like, a whole new chapter of my Life starts at 54 and I'm really reconnecting to myself in a way I never have before. Like, the connection I have to myself is stronger than what it was in my 30s, my 20s. Like, I've never been more sure about me and who I am and all of life. And I've never put more intention into myself and my. My love of myself in all of my life. Not necessarily saying I've never been hotter and I've never been felt sexier and I've never felt more magical. Those words aren't necessary, especially if they're the ones that currently feel untrue. You're going to look for something that's a little. Just a little aside by just a little bit sideways of what you just said. I've never spent. Spent more time really focusing on me and taking care of me in all of my life. I've never felt more connected to myself and my journey. And then you're going to notice when someone in the group says, I love being 60, 60s are the best. I've never felt better when people say, nothing changed for me now what becomes difficult. And this is where a lot of the work I do with my clients stems from. And for those of you who've done femme fatale with me, you know this. A lot of the work that I do with my clients is about maturity, like actually growing up. Get becoming a full, capable, emotionally strong woman and realizing when there's a little trigger of like our smaller self, little baby chicken nugget, baby goddess that's not feeling good about something. And so where we sometimes mess things up for ourselves is that we love to get validation for our pain. And so if I am feeling at age 54, like my life has started to decrease, and I like the idea that it's because I'm going through menopause, because then it's not my fault. And so when I say, you know, it's menopause, I validate my experience with an external fact. Now I meet another person who's 60, who's magic on legs and who says that's crap. And I don't believe that. How do I feel about that person in that moment? I don't feel inspired. I'm not like, oh my gosh, I love hearing that in that moment. I feel like, how dare you invalidate my evidence that it wasn't my fault. How dare you present me an alternate truth to what I had made peace with it not being my fault. So we've got to decide in life what we care more about. Being right or being free, liberated from any identity that doesn't let us be whoever we want it to be in the first place. So a lot of the triggers that you will experience in this group on the Internet, all the things are identity clashes. You will, you will believe something about yourself in business and you will validate the way that you are in business with a certain way of being. And someone will do the opposite of what you're doing and invalidate your truth. And you will be triggered by that person. Even though listening to them might give you more freedom, more money, more peace of mind, more, more, all the things, it will trigger you that they're invalidating your experience, that times are hard right now. If you're saying, you know, the world's really scared right now, the reason I'm not making money is just because, you know, a lot of people are just very careful with their money, it's not my fault. And then you see a brand new person on the Internet doing the moonwalk because they just had a ten thousand dollar a month or a hundred thousand dollar month, you're gonna not be happy to see that. Which is so weird because what you would want and want to identify with is we can do anything in any time in humanity. And I want to see evidence of that, like that's what would make sense for us to want. But no, because the minute you see a person succeeding in the very same times, this just invalidated your experience that people aren't buying right now because it's the world. And now you're triggered that that person's doing it. So what I really want to open our minds about and why I love this question so much is that in the context of this course, I'm going to coach you based on identity. There are so many different angles I could take with you. I could coach you based on how to make the best out of, you know, your hormones. I could coach you on your emotional intelligence. I could, I could coach on all kinds of different things. But we're not going to do that in this program. Not because the other things aren't valid or true. But because what if this is the only thing that matters for now? And once you're at the peak of your identity, and this is what I truly believe, once you're at the most solid of your identity, the answers become a lot easier to find the right answers. Because the fact is right now, when you're in your thoughts that your magic is gone and you're 50 something years old, your magic is gone, what are the odds that you will actually find the most aligned vibrational, magical solution to what you truly desire while feeling bad about you? What are you going to attract as a vibrational match of solutions? What are you going to attract as people and their evidence or your reaction to how they speak or what you think and what you feel in that, in that identity, the odds that you're going to have a breakthrough that's an energetic match for the version of you you'd love to be are like almost nil. So we've got to move your identity into being. I'm taking more care of myself than ever before. I've never been more present and more connected to how much I matter in this whole world. And I'm 54 and I've never mattered more in my entire life and these things. And when I see a person who's 60 and who shows me evidence that it's possible to feel great, I'm open minded and I say okay, so it's possible. Let me stay curious. Can you see how we're already getting so much closer to a vibrational match that's closer to the wish or the dream or the hope. Like all of a sudden now the, the energetic match for an answer that would feel good and be good are a lot closer. Because if not, when you're 54 and you're in your menopause and you don't feel good, even if it's a good answer, it feels bad. We don't want that. So in my identity I am more curious than in need of validation. This is an incredible identity piece. This is one that I always take with me. Like I am curious. I don't need to, I don't need validation that I'm right. If there is a better vibrational match, truth for what I'm going through, I'm staying curious. You know, this is what I'm contemplating at the moment, this is what I found at the moment. But I've never been more engaged in my transformation, my evolution in all my life. So I'm staying curious because if there's something better, I want it now. When I See, the person that tells me 60 is great. I'm open now. When I see a person that tells me money's possible during hard times on earth, I'm open now. I'm open because my identity is not that I need validation for something in order to feel like it's not my fault. My identity is that I'm open because if there's a better life experience out there, I want it. So can. Is everyone feeling the vibrational difference, the vibrational shift and identity for the coaching on this question? So you can take this. Whether for you it's menopause, whether it's your body, whether it's your bank account, what if I'm this and I want to be that? What if, what if, what if it's the same coaching, identity wise. So take this with you and we're going to deepen this throughout the program. Okay? Another incredible question that we had is how do you handle projections from others who resonate with an old version of you and don't align with the new version? So let's look at this from the most rudimentary standpoint. Like the, the most simple standpoint. Do you remember being a little baby, little kid and all of a sudden being five and still being treated like a little kid and you telling people I'm not a baby anymore. I don't want to be treated like I'm a baby. I'm five and a half. Why is no one getting the memo that I've grown up, I'm not just a baby anymore, I'm five and a half. I don't resonate with the way you used to talk to me or the rules I used to have, or the fears you had for me. I don't resonate with that anymore. I want you to treat me like a grown up. Five and a half, but I still want that. Do you remember being an adolescent, 16, 17, and saying, I am not a kid anymore? You can't just control everything about me. If I want to change my hair, if I want to wear this dress, if I want to do. You can't just control me like I'm a grown up. The world will not just give you the right to be who you declare yourself to be next without resistance. And if that is something that you need in order to step into your next level identity, I'm really glad this question came because or else you're just gonna stay small. I need the rebel energy to come out in you a little bit. That five and a half year old that stood for the half that Teenager who said, I'm, I'm not a kid anymore. That same hunger you had to be seen in who you are. You. You've got to stand for that now. I have so many people I work with tell me, I tried so hard to be this new person, but then people don't. Don't believe me. So then I. I don't be that person. That doesn't work because that just means you were trying it on. That's like, I tried to put this jacket on, but they told me I wasn't allowed to wear it, so I took it off. That's not the same as this is who I am. You trying on an identity and people not jiving with it is one thing. You deciding who you are and living into that and saying they'll figure it out eventually. So this is a huge piece of coaching. If you can, like, really hone into what I'm going to tell you right now, this is a really, really big, big identity piece. When you have an identity, you have character traits, and those character traits are typical for you. There's a way that you are, and there's a way that people expect you to be. When you do something that's outside of the scope of what your natural character is, people will even say things like, that's really out of character for you. This means it's inconsistent with the behavior that validates who you are. Are you with me? So if you do something out of character, people will feel it right away. They'll be like that. This is not you. Now, if you were to consistently change your typical behavior and the things that were out of character became who you are. Eventually, instead of people saying, that's out of character, they will say things like, you've changed because the thing that you did, you did consistently enough that you now feel like you're somebody else, you've changed. It isn't. It's. You can't just consistently do something that's not in alignment with. With your identity and still have the past identity, because before you know it, people will say you've changed. It won't be that it's out of character. This new way that you're being will be out of character. But we become extremely uncomfortable with those two sentences. That's out of character for you. You've changed. For some reason. Those two things make us wonder if we're all right, if it's okay, if that's a judgment. Is that bad? Well, no, it's not out of character. It's just. And it's like, well, what change? Like what change? I haven't changed, I just, I've just. When people start to comment on our changing, sometimes it gets us in our mind, in our head. So the fact of the matter is this, when you start shifting your identity, at first it'll feel like some of the things you do are out of character. You need to just be able to hold space for that. I'm testing when someone says to you that was out of character, you say, yeah, I'm testing some stuff out. Keep it light hearted. And if someone says you've changed, you say thank you. Because that's the point, right? If you're constantly stuck between who you were and the weird feelings of shifting, it'll be very hard to have a full identity shift. But you've got, you've got to live it. I remember my mom telling me, oh gosh, you're not, you're not a baby anymore. And sometimes just her saying that even though I didn't want to be a baby, me wanting to say, take me into bed, say something nice to me, snuggle me. I love you. Don't say, I'm not a baby anymore. You don't say it. I can say it. You don't say it because what does that mean? What will you stop doing for me if I'm not the same? What will, will you stop loving me when you're not the same? If I'm not the same? You know, I remember when I became was, I was 18 and my dad said, well, you know, you're, you're not, you're an adult now. And I just thought, ah, I wanted to be an adult when I was 16, but now I'm 18 and now I'm you. You agree that I am. And now I, but now ah, there's also challenges as we shift our identities. And why this is so important is because of what I'm going to tell you right now. We, you know how they say the grass is greener on the other side? We imagine that when we're in a different identity, everything will be fixed. It will not. We will just experience a new duality as this new identity. And you will feel that the minute you start to transition into the new identity, you will also have things. There will be things in this new identity that you question. Things that are new levels of problems, new thoughts, new things. No identity is perfect. There is no solution on earth where you just become a different person and all of a sudden kumbaya, you have no problems. This doesn't, this doesn't happen. So it's this realization that our identities shifting are a part of our human existence. Some people prefer us to stay the same because it means that they don't have to adapt their behavior and things don't need. They don't need to worry about anything. They don't need to adapt to anything. Some people want us to change because they also think life will be better if we're different, but they don't know who we become yet. So it's got to be so light hearted, this conversation about identity shift, because it's not like all of a sudden you're going to be completely different. It's that you're going to add significant changes to who you already are. And it's going to kind of shift some of the ways that you behave. But you won't be non recognizable. It won't be like all of a sudden you're just like, wait, oh, what, Cassidy, is that you have never recognized you. Like, it's not going to be like that. It's just going to be like, huh, I like that. I like.

Whoa.

Okay, okay, okay, okay. That's new. You got to get used to that. Okay, okay. That, that's what it's going to feel like. And so instead of putting on a pedestal, like, I am going to have change and I am going to be this and I am going to be that, which is a very immature way of seeing transformation. You've got to know it. It's a fact. The way who you were when you were two and the way who you were when you were five and the way you were when you were 15 and the way you were when you Were 16 and the way you were when you're 18 and the way you were when youwere 20 and 25, you just changed. We try so hard to change, when in fact it's inevitable. It's just an identity shift is led by us. And that's the biggest difference. Change is inevitable, but shifting into the way we want to be, that takes conscious creation. If you leave it up to chance, the circumstances guide your identity. When you pick up the paintbrush, you decide. And that power is the one we're often afraid of. Did I paint myself the right way? Should I have done better? Should I have done different? Is this, is this correct? But you can always readapt your identity so you can't mess it up. Just a great thing. Okay? So just remembering always, it's not possible for you to just. It's not possible for you to change and stay the same. But if the only way that you're in agreement with your change is if everybody agrees that you've changed. You just won't. So you've got to go step by step, day by day. And light heartedness. Whenever you hear any kind of comment about you changing or not. Some people like you haven't changed at all when you know you have. Some people say, you've changed so much, you'll be like, I haven't even started yet. Some people like, you've changed. You're like, no, I didn't. Some people say, you're the same. You say, are you kidding me? I've transformed. So other people's opinion cannot be a fundamental pillar in your transformation. This is your journey entirely. Okay, the other question that I wanted to answer today. Hang on. Okay. In light of the topic of perfectionism and the common notion of requiring a clear purpose before accepting our current worth, I deeply resonate. Recently I've also, or I've also resonated with the idea of our hesitation often lies in starting small rather than starting at all. How can I shift my approach to exploring and defining my identity from a place of perfectionism to one that embraces authenticity and gradual growth? What strategies or mindset shifts can support me in navigating the complexities of self discovery without giving in to the pressures of achieving a flawless understanding of myself from the start? In what way can I cultivate self compassion and resilience as I uncover different aspects of my identity, allowing for imperfection, experimentation and evolution in this journey of sex self exploration? So this, I find, is a beautiful evolution to what I. What we've been talking about is if you tell yourself I have got to change who I am entirely, like, this is who I am now. And now I've got to decide exactly who it is I'm changing into, got to get very clear, and then I've got to become exactly that person and no longer be this person. The chance of that happening are almost zero. And that's how most people try to do identity work. To be like, I want to be like Kourtney Kardashian. And so I am going to try to become like that. And I'm going to try right now. One, two, three, go. It's not working. And everybody says it isn't working. And I feel odd and I feel weird and nobody likes the way I'm changing and I don't believe that it's working. It isn't working. I quit. That's not the way an identity shift works. How an identity shift works is you realize who you're being that creates this version of you. What are the things that you're actually thinking, feeling, being that creates this version of you, and you bring them into your conscious mind. So, like, my awareness of I don't matter, that was a huge identity shift for me, just removing that. And I didn't need to put in, I'm the most important person in the world, I'm going to change the planet. I didn't need that for an identity shift. I just needed to no longer say, I don't matter. So you're going to notice there's things about you that literally define you. Things like, I'm not good at dot, dot, dot. I don't know how to. I've never been good at blah, blah, blah. I've never been capable of dot, dot, dot. I've always been dot, dot, dot. It's always been hard for me to blah, blah, blah. I am dot, dot, dot. Those things are the things that if you were to remove one, you would start to change immediately. So you might find that there's things like, I'm not, I'm not very fast, I'm not very efficient. I. Change is hard for me. I struggle with, like, what are some of the things you sometimes say? And if you're not sure about what they are, you could ask your partner, be like, what are some of the things I say in the next week or so, if you can point them out to me, that you would say, like, define me. So I'm not good at that. I, I, you know me, you know me, you know, it's just always like that with me. I just can't. I've tried so many times. Whatever it is that you've been doing has created the identity that you are, and whatever it is that you do next will create the identity that you become. But it doesn't, it's not hard. It's not hard because you're going to transition over time. And what's so wild is that you remove one belief and then all of a sudden something starts to change. And then all of a sudden something brand new comes in as the truth. So I'll give you an example. When I took away, I don't matter when I took that away and I was like, where? Why would I even think that? Like, and, and the crazy thing is, what helped me see that I, what made me question, and I think this is the gateway to a lot of this work is you don't just decide that you matter. You question why you think you don't and so what happened for me is that this one night, I was sleeping in the front seat of my car, and this snowplow kept passing in front of my car. And I found myself saying to myself, I so don't matter, that if I got hit by the snowplow, it wouldn't even matter. And I got myself into a really scary place, and I was like, I've got to just move, because every time the snowplow comes, I have the same thought. So I just need to move. And I moved in front of a hotel, and I heard this big crashing noise in the middle of the night, and a woman jumped out of the 14th floor of the hotel and fell right in front of my car on the very night I thought if I died, it wouldn't matter. This person took her life, and it haunted me, and all I could think about was this person really like. And I. I found out more about her later. I found out she had kids, and she did it at the hotel so that they wouldn't find her. And I could only imagine her kids. Like, was it really true that she didn't matter? Like, did she really have all the evidence of that? Like, it didn't make me feel like, oh, lucky her. I should have done that. It made me feel like, was it really true that she didn't? And it made me question. Like, I was literally in that mind space hours before I saw that. Was it true for me? Is it really true that I don't matter? Wait, how did I get here? And that was enough for me to start paying attention a little bit more. This is when the have the relationship you want started to become a real question in my mind. Like, maybe I've just been asking the wrong questions. Maybe I've just been a little tough on myself. Maybe I've just lost touch with myself. Maybe. Maybe just curiosity. And then I started listening and watching life and experiencing life with a question mark instead of needing it to validate the truth that I didn't matter. So if you even just start this identity work with, I'm curious about what the rest of my life is meant to be. But you say it with an undertone of a smile, not an undertone of, I'm curious about what the rest of my life is supposed to be. Because at this point, looks like I'm all going downhill from now. That's indifferent. You're gonna find different evidence. But if you're like, you know what I'm curious of what's supposed to happen for me. I'm curious what I. What I do next. I'm curious about how to make the rest of this life really freaking epic. Like, I've had a lot of people model a good life up until the age I am now. I realize I don't. I didn't really get a lot of people live a really full, happy, excited life past the age that I am. I wonder if that has something to do with the fact that I feel I've lost myself. Huh. Maybe this isn't even me that I. That I'm deciding is. Is done is that I've never watched a person flourish past this age. Well. Well, I wonder how I could be that for the next generations. And I wonder who else is doing it. Let me look outside of my immediate circle. Maybe there are women thriving out there. Oh, wait, there are. Oh, look. Oh, yeah. Oh, wait. Okay. All right. Okay, okay. So what if I'm a little bit more like this? And what if I'm a little more. And that starts to shift your new identity? And then it went from, you know, maybe I matter to I wonder what would happen if I actually mastered some of this stuff. And then I wonder what would happen if I were in a relationship feeling the way I feel now. And then I wonder what would happen if I actually did something that I love with my life. Like, if I had a career that I love and I felt proud of myself. Like, I wonder what. How I would be at work with the way that I feel right now. And then, oh, my gosh, I'm a. I'm a coach. I'm a mentor, and, like, that. I'm a coach. I'm a. This changed my identity. Becoming a coach was one of the biggest identity shifts of my life. It felt like I really matter. Like, what I think about matters. How I speak matters. What. How I. How I lead myself matters. Like, what if I bump into one of my clients in the middle of the street? Like, whoa, hey, whoa. You know, how do I speak at a restaurant? How do I speak at a. How do I speak to people? How do I model things? Like, whoa, this really matters. I became. I went from I don't matter to Nothing in the world matters more than my behavior in a very short period of time. But I didn't try to go from I don't matter to I super matter, because that wouldn't have clicked. So if you haven't yet found out what your identity is supposed to be, the best thing you can do is just get super curious. I know I'm not great with this right now. I know I'm not done with this identity. There's a lot of this I'm not taking with me. But I wonder what's going to be. And then when you're looking out and you're looking at what other people are doing, and you're like, gosh, that's evidence of a person who's found their way, and that's evidence of a person who found their way. And so it's very possible I'm going to find mine. And that's a story of transformation. And that's a story of transformation at this age. At that age. At that age. Hey, this is really cool to know, okay? The curiosity, because that becomes part of your identity. Being a person who needs to validate their experience is a different identity than a person who's curious about what comes next in their life. And that's an identity shift, just like that. So Cammie says, is anyone else finding today confronting? So I would love to actually ask you what is making you feel confronting? So would you come up and chat with me for a second? Okay, let's get Cami up. Cammie Kinison. Hi. All right, let me unmute you. There we are.

Hi.

Hi. Okay, so tell me. Tell me where the confronting feeling is coming from.

Oh, my gosh. I did not know I was going to be on camera. Oh, my gosh. All right, well, so I. Oh. So when you were talking about being.

Older.

Like, I think I'm just really, like, not okay with my age because there's still so much I want to do and create, and. And, like, I just. I just wanted to, like, just leave. Like, I was like, I don't want to talk about this. Why is she talking about this? I hate this. And I. And I. I mean, I know it's just my trigger, Right? So I stayed here, but that's just a really challenging topic for me.

Well, I'm really glad that you stayed.

I didn't know I was gonna get coached.

Well, I am gonna go out on a limb here, and I'm gonna say that you get triggered by your age, even when I don't talk about it.

Oh, God. I mean, I'm like a ping pong ball. Like, people start talking about this, I'm like, bye. Like, I'll just. Yeah.

So there is an identity that you have underlying in your subconscious about what aging is. There's different things. Either different people who've represented a certain ages for you or society's meaning. Like, what are some of the biggest things that you've heard and that you hate oh, God.

This is really hard to talk in front of everyone. So the biggest thing for me is I have not been married yet, and I've wanted a family forever. And what I saw yesterday is that I have it, that it has to be in some order. Like, I first have to get my finances right before I can have a family. But what's really weird about that is that I was brought up to be a state. Like, I was trained to be a stay at home mom. Right. And so, like, it's like I'm all mixed up. And so I'm now 54 and I love children. I would be the best stay at home mom. And I. It's not even like, it's like, not. I don't want to say not. It's like now I'm like, I'm too old. Right? Like, that's how it is. Is for me.

Okay, so I'm too old is one of your identity things. It's not even like aging or becoming old. It's like you've already decided.

Yeah, like, I'm so behind because I can't even have kids and I'm 54. I should be a grandmother. Like, oh, God.

Okay. Did you tell yourself things like this before you were 54?

No. It's like I literally feel like I woke up going, oh, my God, how did I get to be 54? I have all this stuff I want to do and I just stop myself. And especially with a family because, like, you know, like, I should have done this already. I can't physically have kids and people are like, so nice. Oh, you could adopt. You could. Might meet somebody. And I have not even met anybody. I'm interested. I literally haven't dated for five years.

Okay, so let's, let's go five years back. So five years back, you're 49. How are you feeling about yourself then?

Awesome. My dad was still here. My dad died and it just changed a lot for me.

Okay, so this is actually a very common thing.

Really?

Yeah. So when people watch their parents age or pass, there is a huge realization of time that hits sometimes for the first time. Like, people don't think about time until all of a sudden something shows you time in your body, in your nervous system. So how old were you when your dad passed away?

49.

49. So there, if you can think about this, being a daughter, meaning being someone's kid, was your identity. For 49 years.

I was like a daddy's girl. And it was, it was, it was, it was devastating, to put it lightly.

I Get that. So you being a daddy's girl was a big part of your identity, and even at 49, that still felt comfortable to be a daddy. And probably, if we look at it, one of the reasons you didn't find a partner and have kids was because you were more in the identity of being a daughter than a mother.

Oh, yeah. He was also an alcoholic, and so I kind of took care of him a lot, and I was okay with that, you know, Like, I just. I had a role, and. And. And, yeah, like, my whole entire life fell apart when he died. Like, literally. Like, every part of it, literally.

But what happened is you had a circumstantial, forced identity shift. So if you had decided at 25, I'm not a daddy's girl anymore, I'm a woman, and I want to meet a man, and I want to be a mother. If that would have been your identity shift at 25, your life would have been very different.

But, I mean, I dated. I always had a boyfriend, but they were never a healthy boyfriend. Like, so I took a lot of time to do healing work.

But I think the biggest thing is not the boyfriend. So this is where the identity work is so powerful. It's not that you didn't have the right boyfriends that you were not yet in the identity of. I'm ready to find the man that's gonna be the father of my children, and I want to start my life right now. I'm ready. Like, your identity was still more in being the daughter, taking care of your dad, being connected there. And then the boyfriends could come and go, and you weren't finding the right one yet, but it didn't really matter that much.

Yeah, I mean, I was kind of like, the joke, like. Like, my dad would be like, I don't even want to hear about a guy until you've been with them for. Because it was just like. Yeah, it was like, it was something fun to do, but I never took it serious. And now I'm all of a sudden, like, it's like I feel like I Woke up at 54 going, what the hell am I going to do? And, like, I hear my inner child going, where's my family? And they're all gone. Like, they're all passed away. Well, the ones that are. That were nice to me.

So I'm gonna. I'm gonna have you first take a really deep breath, as though your job with this breath is to soothe yourself. Like, you would hope a baby would take a deep breath when they were freaking out. Like, Fill your lungs and really care about yourself in this breath. Okay. Now, when you look at the life you've lived up until now, you have felt a lot of love. You have had a lot of fun. You have had a lot of laughter. You found a lot of meaning. There has been absolutely nothing wrong with your life up until this part. Nothing. But when the identity that was most yours changed, that's. That's where now we've created a big spiral. And nothing has felt right since then.

Nothing.

Nothing. So what you've told yourself, which is really super mean, is that the one thing you should have been which would have changed the way you're feeling now is a mother. That's not.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Then I would at least have, you know, like a family to celebrate things with.

Right. So right now, instead of saying, gosh, what a life I've had, I'm so grateful that I felt so youthful for almost 50 years of my life, that I was playful and young, spirited and. And happy and carefree, just loving and wanting to. To be with my. My dad and to live like that. Like, I'm so grateful that I have that. Because some people are having a life crisis at 49 and they're. They feel like their whole life doesn't matter. Then you went until 49, so sure about who you were. You've got to really anchor that. Like, I'm grateful for my choices and the curiosity part. Now, instead of saying, I should have done that because then now I would have this. We don't know if you would have had all those things if you'd be happy now, who says you wouldn't be divorced with kids who are living with their dad. Like, you don't know what your life would have been. So instead of putting on a pedestal this other identity, you say, I'm really excited to find out what's gonna light me up for the rest of this life. And the thing is, when people are telling you you could adopt and you could meet someone that has kids, the reason that's not helping you is that it's invalidating the identity that you've decided you should have been, it still doesn't make up for the fact that I didn't have kids. It still doesn't make up for that. But when you look at it like, what I really want is to have a role again. That's what I really want. I want to find what my identity is on this planet, whether I'm a lover, whether, you know, maybe I meet a guy that doesn't even have Kids. But he has nieces and nephews and I freaking love them. And I become a cool aunt that I never thought would be a thing. And maybe he's got siblings that are amazing. And I'm a part of this family where I've got like a sister in law that feels like a best friend. And we end up being together and traveling until we're 99. Like we don't know what's coming. And that's why it can't just be I should have been a mother. Because that is the one identity that you can't have and you're going to make it the one thing that would have changed everything. That's not fair. But there's so many other things that could become your purpose and your identity. And it's keeping your eyes open to say, up Until I was 49, I had one of those and I never questioned life. Why am I going to decide what it should have been now? Why not just stay curious and I'm going to tell you, your face just changed in the last one minute.

I just felt it like, it's like I can hear you because I feel like you're hearing me.

Yes.

And I've had this conversation a million times with people and you're so right because they go, blah, blah, and I'm like, like. And they're all trying to fix it, right? And they're like, you could do this, you could do that. And I'm just going, I literally want to go to shut up. Like, it's not helping.

The issue was never actually an issue. It's an identity shift. That's all it is. And I can tell you that in that if you ever rewatch it, I wonder if you can even see it what happened. But you just became so much softer. Your energy, I felt it.

I don't even know what you just.

Said, but I felt, yeah, now the identity. And we're going to keep building on this in the program, but the identity now is like, what's my role going to be for the rest of my life? And what a cool thing to start figuring out from a place of curiosity and enjoyment and mystery and fun instead of deciding one thing it needed to be and making that the be all and end all.

Thank you.

My pleasure.

I mean, I don't even know what just happened, but I, I, I'm going to listen to this. I feel like I got, I felt like I finally was heard. Whatever you just said, I feel heard.

Good. That's amazing. I really want to thank you for being here because this is the other part. Like, sometimes in life, you're about to leave the situation because something feels too hard to hear, and you might leave. And in that moment, if you're brave and you show up, you actually become the catalyst for so many people's transformation. And I know that this conversation helped a lot more people than just you. And so you went from almost leaving to being the reason a lot of people just shifted. And just in one choice, it was so.

It was so huge that I was like, in my head going, why did I do this? This isn't going to do anything. This isn't going to change anything. Nothing's going to change. No one can change that. I'm 54. And then you're going, 54. And I'm hearing you say 54 was like, oh, my God, I'm leaving. I really was gonna leave.

I believe you. But I am telling you, you look like a different person right now. Like, something completely different about your energy, something completely different about your face and the way it's sitting. Something different has just hit. And so it's just a reminder to all of us. It's the identity that creates everything. And so we've got to find the core identity and walk in a different way.

I didn't know that my identity was being a daddy's girl. I didn't even know that. And you. And it's like, whatever. Like, you saying that made sense of it. Like, no wonder I feel so lost and alone all the time, because I was always hanging out with him and having fun and doing all these things, and. And now I'm like, there's nobody. Nobody cares. I'm by myself. And it's just. It's. It's really different.

Yeah. And what this does is it gives back the beauty of the choice you made to be with your dad instead of robbing it and saying you should have been doing something else, because that's not fair. Like, you loved that choice. You loved your life. You. You did. You made an amazing choice. And so if you say that was. That was all what I was supposed to be doing, there's not one part of that I regret. Then the question is, what's next? If not you start adding what you should have been, it almost discredits the incredible decision that you made, which you don't regret.

Right. And for five years, I've been just. Like, I don't know what I'm doing. Like, I just wander. Like. And what. What lit me up today was sea. Sea life. I was at the beach And I saw fish swimming and I was like, I'm going to go get my camera.

And take pictures and videos.

And I was all excited and like, I'm an artist, so I like anything. I don't know, I just get. I get on these trails. You know what I mean?

Yeah. So now we've already just pulled out one piece of identity that we really love. So I am an artist. So right now we've got this. This is part of your identity. You're an artist. You love sea life. These are two things we know that you love that are solid, that are good. We're going to build on that.

And this is so amazing because I was hearing this voice when I left the beach. I heard this voice go, they can't take that away from me. It's like, like I have it. Like the universe took my dad away or whatever. You know what I mean?

If you ever are in a situation in your life where you can do the Femme Fatale program with me, I.

Mean, I would love that. I pray every time you draw something.

I want to do that one day when it's the right time, it'll land in your lap. But one of the things that I really helped my clients within there is that we are created to watch our parents go. It's the right order of things. So we have the pieces in our nervous systems to have that happen. So no one took him. And you really made an incredible decision to be with him until the end. And so now honoring that decision looks like saying, this was my choice and I love my choice. And now I get to live the rest of my life and let me discover what that was, that what that's going to be about. And I think that that light heartedness and that approach is going to open up the world instead of close it down for you.

I'm so grateful. Thank you for calling on me.

Thank you for being vulnerable and for showing up. I know this was scary at first, but you've made more of a difference than you could even imagine. So thank you so much.

Thanks.

So I want to. I want to just address the group for a minute here. You know, this is one of those things in life where it's. It's one conversation, it's one moment where instead of someone trying to fix your problem as though there's something wrong, you just see what is and realize, like, what was the identity? What's the identity? What's the identity? I often, I tell you guys, like, there's nothing wrong with you. Like, there's nothing wrong with you, there's nothing wrong with you. But when we're feeling like something is wrong, it only makes sense sometimes is there's something wrong with us because or else there'd be nothing wrong. But sometimes all that's not correct is that there's a misplacement of identity. There's something like you feel like you're this way but you're trapped in this or you used to be this and this left and now you don't know who to be. And so I love that this was able to come up on this Q A. And I think this is a beautiful demonstration of the work that we're doing because when the right piece drops for you, it's like whoa. All the questions don't aren't even questions anymore because the identity is correct. It becomes curiosity, it becomes let me find out. Because none of us are supposed to know who we're going to be. If I asked the, the four year old, who are you going to what are you going to be like when you're eight, what are the odds that four year old would give me an accurate answer? And if I ask the 8 year old who are you going to be when you're 13, what are the odds that that 8 year old would give me an accurate answer? And if I ask the 13 year old what kind of 18 year old will you be, what are the chances that that 13 year old is going to give you an accurate answer? Of course they don't know. So they don't know we don't know. Identity work is not about you knowing who you're going to be next. It's about no longer needing to validate the truth that who you've been is who you are. You get that it's not about trying to decide who you're going to be, it's about no longer needing to validate that who you have been is who you are. So anything about my past that seems like it's who I am doesn't need to be. That's what identity work is more than any other thing. With then a curiosity to explore. Well, what is it then? A lot of people think if they don't know who they're supposed to be, they're lost. We're the most lost. When we think where we've been is who we are, that's where the most lost we are. Because then it feels like there's nothing else that can change. And so when you're saying I feel like I can never get there, that's more your identity Than the there you're trying to get to. My identity is I feel like I can never get to where I want to go. Not I wish I could go there or this is what my identity should be. My identity is I never get to go there where I think I should be. And so what needs to change way before you ever end up where you think you should be is that you actually decided that you don't get to go where you want to be. I never get to where I think I should be. I'm never where I should be. It never works out for me. I don't ever become who I thought I was gonna be. That's more the identity. And the fact is you got to hear not being able to get to where you want to be by being who you are. And it's not that there's anything wrong with who you are. You were that to be right about the fact that you never get to where you want to go. So you're nailing it. So before you get in your head about where you should go next, we're not even going to worry about that. Because the goal about the future is more so open hearted curiosity. That's actually what's more important right now. Open hearted curiosity. What matters more is to notice what you're trying to validate. Because what you're trying to validate is your real identity that you actually believe that you are. Anything you try to prove to be true is the identity you think you are. When you say it's hard for me, that's who you think you are. It's never worked for me. That's who you think you are. I just don't know how to do it. That's who you think you are. I just. No one in my family has ever done it before. That's who you think you are. You know, I just don't know. I just don't know things. That's who you think you are. It's hard for me to. That's who you think you are. And so we want to start to invalidate that. That's a permanent truth. That's more important. It's like, well, I tried on, and this is how I like to put it, I tried on the identity that nothing ever works for me and I don't like the result anymore. So I'm curious about what else I want to try on. Can you see how light hearted that is? I've tried on the thing where I'm old and too old and I don't really like how that feels as a result and who I become with that thought. So I'm gonna try some other stuff on. I don't know yet what it is that I'm trying on. I'm open hearted and open minded. I'm going through a program right now that's gonna help me figure that out. But what I do know is I've tried on that thought and that identity of not knowing and being too old. And I. I don't think I want to take that further. I've seen what that gives me and I don't like it. You'll say I tried. On the whole, I'm not good enough and I don't know how to do this and I suck at things and I don't like the result I get. So I don't think I'm going to continue with that identity. I'm open minded to see what else drops for me. I don't know yet where I'm going or what I believe. I just know that believing that gives me this. And I think I'm complete with that chapter that is so simple and so light and it starts to open the possibilities of what could come in next. You know, even things like I'm triggered or I'm annoyed or I don't get it or this is too much for me or this isn't meant for me or I'll probably not find. I'll probably be the one person that doesn't get it. Knowing me, it'll work for everybody else except for me. I've literally had clients tell me things like this. Knowing me, everyone else will get it and I won't. Like, that's the story of my life. These are the identities we carry. If I haven't done it by now, I'll probably never do it. I always wanted to do that and I never could. So at some point I just needed to realize that wasn't for me. That's also your identity. Now this is the other part. There are always exceptions to every rule that you are trying to validate. So I'll give you an example. I saw Maria say something about when she found out that she had adhd. It gave her a lot of freedom to understand what the diagnosis was. But then it also became an excuse for a lot of things I've seen. You know, what if you have ocd? What if you have this? What if you have this? Are there people who thrive with adhd? Is there even one? Are there people who thrive with ocd? Is there even just one? That is enough for you to know that that does not make your whole identity. There is a difference between I thrive with ADHD and I have adhd. Those are two different identities. I found out I had ADHD and then it made sense of all my problems is different than I found out I had ADHD and then it set me free. And I've been thriving ever since. And those are two different ADHDs that exist. So it's never just your circumstance. I've spoken to people who are, who have been diagnosed, who have been diagnosed with terminal illnesses that are some of the most inspiring people you will ever know. And I have met people who've been diagnosed with terminal illnesses that have completely given up. But one person says, I'm dying and the other person says, I'm dying. So let me do everything that I can. It's an identity thing. It's not just what happens, it's what you believe that makes you. I'm a divorcee. I'm a single mom. What that has meant in the past versus what we're seeing certain people showcase us. I'm single mom. Look what I'm doing. I got divorced. And then this happened like that. The thing that happened is the thing that happened. But how I identify to that thing, what I make it mean and what I. What I make my identity become because of that, I then spend my. My life and my time validating. And so a person who's given up is a person who validates that they're dying every single day. A person who is diagnosed with a terminal illness and does their best, validates that they are going to do their best until the end every day. Because who cares? Let's just give it everything we've got. You're validating a different thing. And so this is a good belief. This is a good question. How do we. Let me read it exactly. How do we get over the middle class syndrome? What the freaking heck is a middle class syndrome? What is it? You know, that's an identity. Some people will say, I'm so grateful I went from being completely poor, now we're middle class. If we can go from poor to middle class, I believe we could become anything. Some people will say, we used to be super rich, now we're middle class. Seeing how things are going, next thing you know, we'll be living on the street. Some people say we've always been middle class, and so we'll probably always be middle class. Some people say we've always been middle class. And I realize now the opportunity to have as much resources as we do have as we aim for something else. Like we've got such a leg up on so many different people on this planet. How fortunate are we? Some people will say I'm ashamed of being middle class. And people say I'm proud of being middle class. Some people say people who are middle class or middle class forever. Some people say when you're middle class, it's a lot easier to become richer because at least you have some resources to start with. What's the truth? Whatever you identify with and validate is the truth. We work to validate our our identities because you will make sure that you're right about who you are. That is what you will do. You will live a life to make sure that you're right about who you are. Let me just see what Dennis Donna says. She says middle class to me is having a house, two cars and debt, living paycheck to paycheck with not a lot of savings or investments. So to me that sounds like safe and not uncomfortable enough to make a big move. A check with not a lot of savings or investments. So to me that sounds like safe and not uncomfortable enough to make a big move about. To someone else that might sound like boring. To someone else, that might sound like the Ritz. It depends who you are. And so it's your identity that says, I feel so safe and I'm so used to this. And when I'm used to something, I usually don't change it. That's an identity. When I get used to something, I never change it. That's an identity. What if you said I'm realizing that I have this part of my identity which is that when I'm used to something I don't change it and I see what that gives me. I don't think I want to continue with that. I don't know what the next belief is yet, but I definitely know that I'm not. I don't know if I want to continue with that one. That as soon as I get comfortable with something, I can never evolve and I can never grow it because I just stay the same. Don't think I like that. I don't put it down. The. The most important thing is not to start to suddenly figure out what your new identity needs to be. The first thing is to stop validating an identity that you're not even sure you want to keep. And the calmer you are about it, and the more light hearted you are about it, the easier it is to drop. Not sure I want to keep that instead of I need to let go of this. This is my problem. That's also your identity. To be super dramatic and to blame something for your entire existence, like, chill, you've tried this out. Not sure you want to keep it, but what else am I going to become? That's also part of your identity. Needing to know or else you're terrified. You want to keep that. Not sure want to keep that. Okay, so let's put that one down. This is another identity. I shame myself for not keeping things. I can't change this identity. I just tried. I just picked it up a few years ago. Can't just change again. People are going to think where people are going to think. Have to be grateful for this identity. Can't put it down. I don't know if I want to keep the thing where I feel so guilty about putting things down that are bad for me that I just keep them just so I don't look like someone who puts things down. I've tried that on and the result it gives me not sure is like the permanent, forever result I want to take for the rest of my life. I think. Want to try something else. We'll see. I don't know what yet, but I'm pretty sure. So when we start and. And I can see there's a lot of questions here and we're going to have more opportunities for Q and A's. But what I want you to start contemplating is this. The feeling that you feel, whatever feeling of panic or of stress or of how do I. Comes from needing to already be doing more than the one first step, which is to just say, noticing this part. I don't think I want to keep it anymore. So when you're like, but what about. What about. What about what I do after? Doesn't matter yet. Maybe part of your identity is I can't make a first step until I know the second step. And then I realize I don't make a lot of first steps. Maybe I don't want to take that with me for the rest of my life. Maybe I want to put that down, you might say. But then what happens when you don't? You, You. You're putting a weight down that you've always been. And you. You don't know for sure if you're gonna like who you're gonna be next. And then you're stressed because what if you make the wrong decision but you haven't put it down yet? You've just said, you know, I've looked at what it looks like for me to panic about things before I even know Whether it's going to go well or not for me. I don't think I. I don't think I want to take that with me. I don't think I want to. Not sure what I'm going to put there instead, but not sure. I'm not. I'm not sure. When someone said, what. How do you handle your nervous system regulation around shifting and changing? But you haven't really yet, have you? You've just said, don't know if I want to take. I don't know if this result is something I want to take with me. Probably not in the way that we're bringing the first thing forward. There's no reason for your nervous system to go crazy if you're like, but I've already done that first step. I've already said that, Melannie, you said to do that at the beginning of the call. So now what? You have another call tomorrow. So maybe impatient is part of the thing. If I don't get the second thing right away, I'm bored, I'm ready, I'm fast. I need to have the thing right away. Maybe that's part of your identity. Does that work for you? I hate waiting. Well, do you want to keep that forever hating waiting? Or is there something else? Maybe we stay curious, because when I look at my life, I'm always curious, because when I say, I hate changing and I hate waiting.

That.

That's. That defines me. That's my identity. I hate changing and I hate waiting. But what if the change is good? And what if what comes at the other side of the waiting is exponentially better and more powerful than what will come if you take action? Take action. Take action. Take action. You know, a lot of what we've done, of what I've done in my life has come with a lot of waiting and resting and contemplating and leaning back while other people were maybe working harder and doing more because they didn't want to wait. But if I would have waited, I don't know that I'd be where I am. It was being able to hold that void and watching and looking at the. Looking at, you know, with curiosity, my. My discomfort. I was able to kind of relax and realize that actually, sometimes more stuff happens in that void. So I don't want to say I hate being impatient and I hate waiting. I hate being patient. I hate waiting. What I prefer to say is I'm curious how to find out when the right time is for me to take action and when the right time is for me to. To trust. Like I don't know if I like the. I hate that because it puts a blanket statement on everything, and I think it. It takes away certain opportunities for me. So I'm just gonna. I'm just not sure I want to take that belief with me. You know, I hate not being heard or validated by other people, but can you imagine this, who I am? I have been becoming this version of me for over a decade now, and listening to you has become. And hearing you has become a for me, for you, for us kind of thing. So it's not just about you. I don't listen to you to validate you, for you to feel good. It's not why I do it. I do it for us, because I really do profoundly believe that we're all connected. I believe that your shift is my shift. I believe that your transformation is my transformation. I believe that the more us there is on the planet, the faster that the world will change. And so I listen. For me, for you, for us. And it has taken me a decade to become the person that I am. And so I had a conversation with Cami, and in one conversation, she felt heard. But how many conversations did she have before the one she had with me? She told us. I've had this conversation so many times, and every time, I don't feel hurt. But if I were to speak to the people who spoke to Cami, I would guarantee you the people would say to me, I hate giving Cammie advice because she never listens to me. But Cammie doesn't not listen to you. Cammie doesn't feel heard by you. That's very different. Everyone is trying to be validated. I want to be validated in how I feel. I want to be validated in the advice that I give you. I want to be validated in my. How I feel. I want to be validated in what I see. I want to be validated until it actually becomes. For me, for you, for us, it's actually very difficult to validate another person, because in most cases, validating another person means invalidating yourself. So to give you an example, anybody that would not have the answer or not be good, not be good at listening to Cammie may have given her some advice. And saying that Cami's right means that they're wrong because they just gave her advice, and that advice is wrong. And so now they need to be right about what they said, or else they're wrong. And it's more important that they're validated in their advice and that she gets validated in her experience, because that's the world we're living in right now. Because in most people's identity, I want to be validated is at the forefront, and that is because of very early programming. Because when we're little, validation is one of the first forms of love and appreciation. We find you hurt yourself. No. Come here. Let me see who did what to you. Well, punish them. Tell us what happened. No, that's terrible. That's awful. What did you learn? You're amazing. You're so smart. Oh, that's a really hard thing that you're trying to do. That's why you can't do it. You're. It's because it's very, very, very hard. That's why everything we experience is validated. And there's no rite of passage. So we never realize that as a grownup, we don't need validation. We're supposed to model how we're treated and do it for ourselves. And then realize, okay, look, I can validate this if I want to keep it as my identity or if I don't want to keep it as my identity. Maybe I question whether or not I want to even keep it in the first place. So one big piece I want to. I want to say before we complete this Q A, there's so many questions. We're going to get to so many of them. But I think what's more important is that we go this level of deep with the answers than that. I answer 20 questions. Do you agree? Like, it's not so much about blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. It's like, let's get. Let's really go deep with this. So here's the thing. What Cami wrote in the comment section just now is I feel so much calmer. And if you remember, one of the things I asked her to do when I was like, we're going to talk, I said, I want you to take a deep breath. The kind of deep breath that you would ask a little kid to take if they were kind of freaking out. This work works better when one of your goals is to feel calm about it. Triggers. Are you being nervous, stressed, afraid? You needing to know what comes next comes with you being nervous, stressed, or afraid. You worrying that you'll never get it right comes from a place of you being nervous, stressed, or afraid. Nervous system regulation has a lot to do with identity work. Even the thing of, like, I need to change or I need to be different or I should be different comes with a lot of stress. And stress creates all kinds of things. In the body, lack of sleep, digestion issues, headaches. And when you're in a compromised body, it's a lot harder to feel solid. Like, you feel. You feel nauseous, you feel tired, you feel uncomfortable. All those things will make it even harder to process what you're going through. And so if you say, like, I'm. If part of your identity in this identity work is I'm really, I'm really taking this program in a very calm way, like, I am calmly listening and contemplating everything that's being said here. When you notice a trigger come up before typing it in the comment section. Breathe like a little kid needs to breathe. Breathe the way you wish you could tell a newborn to breathe when they're in that stage. Like, if you could, if you could explain to them the importance of a breath, that kind of breath, breathe for the little kid in you that was never taught how important breathing is. Like, breathe like you're nursing yourself back. Because if you listen to this information from a place of calm and curiosity, it's already changing your identity, because that's not usually how you listen. Most of us are listening stressed, okay, but what if I don't get it, but this doesn't relate with me, but this doesn't resonate with me, but I don't like this, but I don't want to hear this, but I. In that energy, nothing changes. If you could imagine you're literally tightening the strings that validate your experience, we want to loosen the strings that validate your experience. Just notice yourself imagining you've been holding on to this identity for however long. And while we're talking and while you're learning in here, you're just breathing slowly and imagining the strings of this identity become looser and looser so that you can decide what you want to do with them. If at the end of this program you decide you want to pull the strings right back, put a big bow in the identity you walked in with, and say screw it. And staying the same, that will be okay, you will survive. But at least give yourself the chance to have these loose strings that you can pull and that you can, you can decide what you want to do with. And when you notice yourself be stressed or triggered or annoyed by someone else, that's invalidating what you think or what you feel or if I'm saying something and it's bringing something up, there's probably something there. You've probably felt this way, way before I talked about it. It's. We're touching something that's also okay. Just be like, whoa, part of who I am is to get triggered by this kind of conversation. Don't know that I want to keep that with me. I'm going to look at that, all of it, with light hearted curiosity. And as much as you can in this program, remember to just breathe. Notice this. Imagine the strings becoming looser and looser so more can bubble up for you, so you can notice more. This is a game of noticing, observing, contemplating and questioning. That is the first step in changing your identity. It is nothing to do with a pivot and a leap. Right away there's untangling and breathing and nervous system regulation. We're going to get to a point in this program where you are so freaking calm, you'll be like, Melanie, feel like I've spent the day at the spa. Like I, I trust. I feel so grounded. That's where transformation comes from. And when you look at all of the people that talk about this kind of stuff from a very scientific standpoint, all of them have a very similar sound when they're explaining it. When you look at the Buddhas and the people who really talk about this from a totally embodied place, there's a very grounded explanation. And so if you want to add on top of your transformation that you are energetic and lively, then you will add that. But you don't need to be experiencing that as you rewire your identity. That'll just be a part that you add on top. Like you want your children in life to be happy and excitable and grateful, but not when they're learning something. It doesn't help that they're in the classroom, bouncing off the walls, standing on their desks, freaking out. But you want to see them doing that on the playground because that's how you want them to live. But while they're learning, you want them to calm down, breathe and listen. And if all they're doing is, I don't think I can read that. I can't understand that. You wrote too fast. Can you say that again? I didn't hear, I didn't get it. You'd be like, relax, breathe, you're okay. Just listen. This is what we need to do. Relax, breathe, listen. Notice the things that are coming up for you right now. And notice if, oh, I like that about me. Or notice that that kind of creates that. Not sure if I want to keep that just like that. So your homework for today is to just have a look at some of the things that you have believed about you. They may have come up during today's call Something about your age, something about your background, something about your energy, something about a diagnosis you received. Something about how it's always been hard for you to get what you want. You've usually been behind. You're the shy one. You're the one that doesn't shift fast. It usually happens for everyone else, but not you. It's been hard for you. You've been trying already. Whatever it is that comes up, and just gently breathe when it comes up because it might cause you to feel a little bit when you think about it. Soften. Notice the strings soften. And then just say, I'm just not sure if I'm going to keep that, because I've seen what. What it looks like for that to be a part of my identity, and I don't know that I love that result. So still considering, but not sure I want to keep that and see how it feels to just lightheartedly contemplate not keeping that part. That's it for today. That's all you got to do. Thank you for being here. The energy in this group is really on the right frequency. Like, we're there. We are in the zone together. This is awesome. Thank you. Cami, thank you so much for your vulnerability. That was the most epic share like that. I'm so glad that that worked out the way that it did. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Be kind to yourself. We love you. We're grateful for you, the whole group. Thank you for showing up. For those of you on camera, I've loved seeing your face. Thank you for being here. And I look forward to our next module tomorrow. Now, I do want to tell you one thing real quick before we go. This program is going up in price two more times. It's going to go up in price today and in a few hours from now. And then at the end of the program when it's all over, it's going to go up to its full price when it's fully recorded to $2024. If you know anybody while you're in here and you're like, holy crap, like, I think people need to be in here right now. We actually have an affiliate thing for this program. So if you think I want my mom to be in here, like, I want people to come in here, I think this would be really helpful. You know, there's an affiliate, and I would just. I just want people to know this work. I know how important it is and how magical it is. And so there. There really is. We'll put the affiliate link in the group for you. I'll get the Alpha Femme team to do it and we can email it with you with the replay as well. But, you know, the whole goal here is that the more of us get this, the easier it is. Like, the hardest part about this work is you're going to be all calm and then you bump into someone who's all triggered and freaking out and you're like. And remember who you used to be and they trigger that, you know. So right now it's 1,111. And the next price raise is 1,333. And then the next price raise is 2084. So thank you so much for being here. I appreciate you more than you know. And I look forward to our module tomorrow. See you so, so soon.

Our identity as we know it begins to form from the instant we take our first breath.

We start off as a blank slate.

An open book waiting to be written. Our early years are filled with first steps, first sights, first discoveries. Each of these moments shapes us, adds a brushstroke to the canvas of our character. As we move through adolescence, the picture becomes more complex. Little by little, we become a mosaic, a multifaceted collage, a puzzle formed from the fragments of our life. There comes a day where we grasp the paintbrush ourselves. We realize that that we need not be defined solely by circumstance, that we have the power to paint our own future. We awaken to find that we can reshape our identity. Our identity continues to evolve, but now as an intentional work of art guided by our own hand.

We are the.

Artist and the masterpiece. It is time to step into a greater identity. This is the gateway to your alternate life.