The Buyer 2023 - Module 6

Sa Sam. Hello, gorgeous. Human beings of the buyer. This conversation today is going to be another good one. And it's all about boundaries and guilt and shame and all the great things that come along with being a very successful person. So, first thing, I want to kind of jump back into yesterday's discussion because Jocelyn kind of ended the conversation the perfect way to start it. You know, her question was like, how do you organize your life? Do you set boundaries ahead of time of how much you're going to work? Do you just decide, like, past a certain time? I'm not working anymore. I'm tending to my family. I'm taking care of other things. Like, how do you deal with the feelings that come with that? And this is a very valid question because one of the things that happens as you're becoming more and more successful is that people start to forget that you exist on human time. And this is something that happens in all companies across the globe. But. And you will probably be able to experience this in your own self. Like, I remember feeling this when you want to call, you want support on something, and it takes longer than you would prefer. Like when you're calling the bank and you're on hold and it's taking longer than you think it should, or when you. The, you know, the business hours aren't what you think is reasonable. What do you mean you close at five on a weekend. What do you mean? What do you mean you're not available to answer my calls? I bought this really expensive thing, and I need you to be able to answer me right now. And so there are a lot of things that come with having a luxury brand, and that is that people have this attachment like, I've paid. And so I have this expectation of what I should receive because money and power are very much intertwined. And people tend to spend money as a. An expression of power, as we were talking about at the beginning of this program. And so when they're spending money as an expression of power and they're being met with, please, please hold. There's a very infuriating feeling about that. And so you're going to have the experience. And this very much often happens when you sell High Ticket, you'll immediately have this feeling whenever your clients need you or you're getting messages in outside hours of pressure. That's like, if they were paying you $20, you would be very happy to resume communications till Monday. This is a $10,000 package. The pressure in your body is like, I know I shouldn't answer this because I don't work on weekends. But I'm going to explode if I don't answer this, even though I don't work on weekends because I'm afraid this client's not going to be happy. Because I'm worried that they're going to think I don't care because I'm terrified they're going to cancel or they're not. They're going to want a refund because they're not happy with how long it took me for me to get back to them or they really needed something. What if I can just answer real quick, I wonder is, let me just look. This is normal. And there's two very different perspectives to this, and I want to give you both so you can figure out what's best for you. So the first perspective is to say, until I have found people who can absolutely be there for my clients, and I trust them to be there as much as me, I will work every day. And there's nothing wrong with that if it feels in alignment with you. I did that for a very long time before I had a team that felt like they really could nail it. If I had one of my high ticket buyers in my inbox, for sure I was going. I worked seven days a week and there was nothing about it. First of all, because my business didn't yet represent boundaries at all. I wasn't sharing that. I was sharing freedom, but not boundaries. And so freedom felt like, I can work from anywhere I want in the world. Boundaries look like I can work from anywhere I want in the world, and I don't work weekends. Those are two different conversations. I'm free and I have boundaries. And a person who is free and has boundaries becomes one of the most triggering people in the world. There's only two people in the whole world, two kinds of people in the whole world that are more triggering than a free person with boundaries. And that's a free person with boundaries that's hot and a free person with boundaries that's hot and rich. Those people, they're very hard for anyone to handle. That is very difficult. And so as we are mentors and coaches proclaiming freedom and boundaries, all while looking our best selves and being as successful as we've ever been, there's a big target for annoyance. People are like, don't like how I feel about myself when I'm with you. Although some might feel very inspired, others are like, and we feel that. And so a lot of us are empaths and a lot of us have that. I can feel people's Energy. And so what will often happen is we will lower our power in order to feel a little bit less triggering to people. But when you lower your power, you also lower your energetic match. So the minute you lower your power to feel more relatable, you also become completely invisible to anyone who needs a powerful person to do business with. So this is where we've got to like figure out the ratios. Let's just see. Where are we right now? We haven't seen this background since E3. We are in my lake house. Since my lake house. So I love how you. I know. I love how you remember that. Where are we? We haven't seen this background since 3. That's pretty next level. Okay, so the other. So the way of seeing this is saying, look, I am free. I'm able to work from wherever I want, I can make my own hours, but I have a small select group of people that actually do spend very much with me and those people I'm always available for. Or you really do model boundaries and you say, no matter what, under no circumstances will I ever be available on these dates. These dates, these dates. And this is something you're going to have to regulate your nervous system to be able to do. As crazy as it sounds, most people think you need to learn to stretch your anxiety in order to take more on. But for a lot of us, we need to regulate our anxiety in order to take less on. Because our mind is the one that's creating all the scenarios that we're not good enough, that we're not doing enough, that we're not providing enough, that our clients are not going to be happy, they're going to leave, everyone's going to quit and the whole thing's going to fall apart. That creates just as much anxiety as the pressure in your body of having too many messages and too much work to do. And we don't talk about that enough. A lot of us have been, you know, you may have had a job as a kid, you may have gone to school and had issues with school and studied extra hard and had a part time job and friends and cared about your family life and there was so much to do. And you've always been overpacked with stuff. And for the first time now you're testing feminine energetics and leaning back and taking space to relax. And the whole concept was great in your mind. But when you try to actually do it, it feels like I'm not very good at this. I can't relax. My mind is just spinning. So when you're Building your business, there's, there's different ways that you've got to tap into yourself as you're building. Sometimes it's like I want to build this without compromising this energy, meaning I want to stay very much in alignment in my body. I do not want to overextend myself. And even if it takes me a little bit longer get to where I want to get, I'm not going to compromise anything to get to the result and I'm going to stay in my alignment. That can take a little bit longer. But what it will ensure is that you never do this thing where you go all in and then you try to scale back and find your alignment. So you're constantly staying in your own flow. And that feels like very feminine energy. So to give you a visual of what I see when I think of feminine energy, I see a business that grows like the ocean. Tide goes up, tide goes out, tide goes up, tide goes out. The ocean is not more valuable when the tide is up or when the tide goes down. You're not more valuable on a higher month than a lower month. The tide goes up, the tide goes down. Your business is the entire ocean. Your business is not just high tides. Your business is not just low tides. Your business is the ocean. Now, masculine energetics is what you can control. It's like a pool where the minute the water goes under a certain level, there's an automatic system that turns the taps back on and brings the water back up. The water will never go under a certain level. It's artificially created, it's not on a moon cycle, it's not in sync with the world. It's man made. And so why some people prefer to have more of a man made or masculine energy LED business is so they can have consistency. And so a lot of people talk about consistency like it's the be all and end all. Consistency is the be all and end all. If you don't know how to regulate your nervous system around the tides, if you need it to be perfect and seamless all the time, or else you question your sanity, your well being, your business, your capacity, your clients, the end of the world, then yes, it's best to create an artificially curated experience where every month is the same. And what you'll find when you do that is a lot of reoccurring income. Clockwork master classes or promotions, leads, Facebook ads that calculate on average, if you spend this much, you should make this much a funnel. Sales calls with certain ratios. That's what a masculine energy business Is is I am controlling the energy. Feminine Energetics is. There may be months where a bunch of people come in and there may be months where not so many people come in. But on the big scheme of things, I take the months where there's less people to rest and I take the months with the people mo that are there the most to play and to be creative and to enjoy that energy. And I know it's never going to stay up for too long, so I'm grateful when it's high and I know it's never going to stay down for too long, so I'm grateful when it's low because it means I can navigate my life and my business at the same time. And so when you're figuring out what your boundaries are in your life, there's also two ways of looking at it. If you need a schedule and your kids need a schedule and your relationship needs a schedule, meaning your kids need to be in bed by 7:30 and you have, you know, romance date night on a Friday and you cannot cancel that again because it's the one night a week where it feels like you were in your marriage. It's going to be very difficult to be willy nilly with your business because it'll feel like if it doesn't fit the very constructed life you have, you're going one against the other. But if there's a lot of flow in your life and it's like the kids go to bed when they go to bed and date night is any night, I say so, you'll notice that the flow in your business doesn't feel so scary. So a lot of the times the pressure you feel in your business has to be measured against the support that you have in your team. Can they take over and do the things and the structure in your life, whether that is very structured or whether that is very flowy, because you're going to measure your business against your life. And if everything is flowy, it'll all feel good. But if one is rigid and one is flowy, you're going to bump into things and it'll feel like one thing causes problems. So if you know, I really want to be done every day by 6:00', clock, 6:30pm I just don't want to work at all past that time. You're going to have to work on everything in your mind and your body and your everything that tells you that something like impending doom will occur at 6:31. Because that's what we do. We say I want to be done by work, by 6:30. And then at 6:30 we have this thought about something we haven't done yet or we have this feeling that someone's going to write to us and we check and then if there is someone who wrote to us, we immediately deal with it. And then next thing you know, it's 7:30. And now we're frustrated and now we start attracting more people because we're frustrated. And Next thing it's 9 o'. Clock. The whole thing went, you know, wrong and we're frustrated at our business. So you've got to be able to regulate the feeling of I'm okay and everything can wait. And if you can't, you've got to set up a team that's available to support you. That's the way you have the magic of no guilt and no shame because you're also promoting. And this is why I think this certain phase in business is so extraordinary right now is we're promoting a healthy balance in life and business. So if it's actually part of what you talk about and then you model it beautifully, that's a win, win situation. Now there are example. There are. What's the word? Exemptions. There's an exemption to this. There's something that's, that's not. There's times where this won't necessarily work. There's times in your business where you will feel exceptions. Thank you, Mom. She's sitting right there. She just gave me the answer. There are times in your life where it's gonna feel like you have maybe overridden your natural system a little bit. You went into a little bit of masculine energy. It's Christmas time there. More money would be really good. You know, the holidays are coming. If you had more resources, that would be really great. And so you're like, I want to work a little bit more because I would like to have more money come in. And you go and you add something that's way more energy than what you usually would. And when you do that, there's something that happens which is that it's not the natural amount of giving that you did. And so what's naturally going to happen is it's an unnatural amount of response that's going to come in. And if you don't receive that and say I'm available, not just to sell more, but to serve more, it's going to feel like a lot of guilt because it's going to feel like you put out a mass invitation to a party and then told people they couldn't come in when they got to the door, or you made a mass invitation to a party when they show up, you said, well, I only made enough cocktails for 12 people, but the 57 others of you can have water that feels pressure. It feels like if I've opened the door for this many people to work with me and then I'm not available to answer their questions, I'm not available to support them, I'm not available to give them what they need, I'm not doing a good enough job. And that's a real truth. So where we've got to be responsible with ourselves is, are you willing to work in the front end as you sell as much as you are on the back end when you're serving? And if you find you're doing something a little sneaky energetically, which is that you're selling heavily, but you're not going to give the same amount of presence in the delivery, you will start to feel that disconnect and eventually it will affect the sales long term. Because when people start to figure out that you take on more than you can handle and it actually devalues the service, they won't buy from you anymore. And that's a really upsetting day. Then it feels like you need to work twice as hard for the same results, and it's very upsetting. See, I feel like I am experiencing this not with serving clients, but with the amount of inbound that I get. So this sometimes happens when you'll be like, I really want to see a lot more engagement on my post, or I really want to help a lot more people. And I, I'm sick of just feeling invisible. So I'm going to go all in and I'm going to do this thing. And then everybody goes like. And then you're like, whoa, I wanted to give a bunch more and I wanted the likes, but I don't know if I wanted the private messages and the conversations that turn into dialogues. And I, I don't really have the bandwidth for this. It's not really what I was putting out there. It's normal. And this is trial and error. And you're going to figure it out. And it's better for you that it happens like this than that it happens in a paid container, because when you add money, it's even more pressure. So right now, what you may be experiencing and this, this happens when you have a lot of social media engagement is it feels like your power gets tested and you don't need to ask people to DM you for them to feel like they can it's like, I know you, I know you. You're the guy that does all the live streams every day. I feel like I can message you privately. You know, you're the person that shows up every day. You're open for dialogue. Right. I know you. You're the person that goes live on Instagram every day. And sometimes it just gets a little out of hand and you don't want to shut them down because it feels like the whole goal is building relationships. So you've got to navigate power dynamics in those moments. So, as at the beginning, you'll probably be tested with power dynamics. This is one of the first things that I understood as I started navigating my business. And I was tested with this multiple times. So what are power dynamics? Power dynamics is boundaries saying no to people and them either responding like you're a parent that told them off or won't let them have ice cream after they've eaten all their broccoli, or them being able to absolutely honor and respect that because you're equal power individuals and they respect that. It's your weekend off and you're going to be shocked by how many people actually see you as some, some person that had the power to take away the ice cream. You'll be like, I, I'm just off for the weekend. You know, like, I'm not, I'm not your mother. I'm not your. I'm not your guardian. I, I have no power over you. Like, what are you doing right now? But when you have a lot of power, when you're selling high ticket things, the way people will perceive you will change. It's the strangest thing, but they will decide that if you are able to sell something of that price range, you're rich. And the minute people imagine you're rich, they imagine you're powerful. And when they imagine you're powerful, they will feel about you however they feel about power. And if power has made them feel ashamed or scared or worried in the past, if it's made them feel small, inadequate, or unimportant in the past, they will feel all those things about you. So as soon as you say no, there will be an outburst about that. These are all things to consider when building a high ticket business, because a lot of people say, I built a high ticket business because it was much easier to receive a $4,000 payment than a $400 payment. That's true until you're navigating power dynamics. And so when you're the kind of person in your body that doesn't do well with people challenging you. That doesn't do well with people not being satisfied by what you did. When you're a person who needs extraordinary validation, you may be blocking the high ticket sales from coming in not because you're not good enough, not because your product is not good enough, but because you're not ready to experience what it feels like. When a person thinks they own you because they paid you a big amount of money, that is very upsetting day, and you need to be able to hold your power in that or else you can wreck your business reputation or want to burn the whole thing to the ground. Believe me, I know. Been there, done that, bought the T shirt, tried to return the T shirt, but there's no going back. It's just the way the cookie crumbles. So what I want you to focus on in these moments is, like, where do you tend to feel the feelings of, I don't think I can do this anymore. Notice in your body where. How easy that may come to you. Of, like, when people are this way or when I. This expectation of me, or if people are going to just take me all out of context or if people don't get it. I just don't think I want to do this anymore. Any part of you that ever wants to give up when you're challenged, do you have any of that? Does it ever come up for you where you're like, I don't think I can do this anymore, or I'm so frustrated with people, or I hate this amount of expectation, or I feel really. I feel like this is just so much pressure on me, or I feel like people don't get it, or any. Any time where people outside of you or in your job or in your. In your audience make you feel like this is too much pressure and I. I want to hide. I want to run away. I want to block you. I don't want to talk to you. You make me feel like I don't want to show up. Has that ever happened? So Charmaine says, I feel the projection for sure. So let's bring Charmaine up so we can have a discussion about this. So tell me about the projection. How does it go? What does it look like? What does it feel like?

Okay. Hopefully it's not too loud in the background. How is it?

I think it's good.

Okay. I'm in a cafe, so they play the music loud. Okay.

So.

Well, I'm 5:1 in human design, so I've been used to people projecting onto me. I also take full Responsibility for times in my life where I have. I can. I can read what people want me to be and then put the mask on to be that for them. I stopped doing that a long time ago, but I can always feel that in my body, you know, so I can feel their projection. And I've been pretty great at giving it back, but there are times where, you know, they are paying me and I'm like, you know, and I. I can't take responsibility for them and their. Because otherwise, because I see their power. And so I. This is. I've been playing with this for a while, but I, I. What I want to say is I feel the projection. Like, I really feel it strong.

Have you ever found yourself playing down your power in order to not receive a projection?

Yes.

Can you remember a specific incidence where this may have happened?

Yeah, I can't think of anything right now.

Get. You're gonna get you in trouble.

What happened?

My mom opened her phone and went, so I give a. It's all good. Tell me.

Okay, Mom, I don't have one. I can't think of one at the moment.

Okay, so what I would love for you to look at in this, just in the, the minute I asked you, though, you immediately went, yes, I remember that feeling. Can't think in your head, but you remember in your body.

Yeah.

So in the energetic field of high ticket buyers, it's not a mental thing. It's an. It's a body thing. It's an emotion thing. It's. I recognize your power. I feel your power. I'm drawn to your power. And so what we will sometimes do unknowingly is as soon as we feel like we're in danger, it's not safe for me to hold this level of power. We shut it down. What we don't realize is we don't just shut it down with the one person that's in front of us. We shut it down with everybody. And so it kind of go. It's like the whole. The whole village goes out. So after this discussion, I want you to notice in what context you sometimes shut your power down. Just pay attention to this, because if you're able to manage holding it strong and open and not feel the need to lower it, it's going to amplify. So I've talked a lot in my past about the compound effect and what starts to happen when you don't unplug the oven, when you leave the heat on and you don't stop and you don't open the door and the, The Heat doesn't get released. That's when the compound effect kicks in, when you never actually unplug it and go, I need a break from this power. I can't handle this. I don't want to be responsible for this. Where it's like, no matter what, you're still there and you never unplug the oven. That's when the reputation builds. That's when the energy builds. And with a five line, it's so important. Reputation for five lines is one of the most important things. If you ever put it down, it's much harder to build. It's. You've got to keep holding it. So this is a very good example where you might not be able to tell in your mind, but you know in your body you've done it.

Okay, so what's coming to me right now, I can't remember any of the recent specific moments, but what's coming to me, the memory, is when I was in high school, so I was in a commercial, brown cow commercial. It was nationally syndicated in Canada. And so everybody knew me as the Moo girl because I said moo in the Hershey's brown cow commercial. And I would walk down the hall as a 14 year old girl and all we want to do is be liked and accepted and included. And I had girls immediately hate me, not even know me, and say moo and yell moo down the hall at me. So I remember my body. I could feel the feeling of making myself small. So that will come and I can feel, and I've been navigating that ever since. I feel like I'm pretty through it, but let's just say like, that's, that's the spot. So then, you know, I've worked my way through that for the most part.

Okay.

And I love the coincidence that I yesterday was listening to the compound effect.

Of course. Of course. So what the real breakthrough is at this moment is like, people that you respect and that you want to respect, you might be triggered by your power somehow. And then you'll lose something. And so in order for that not to happen, you switch the power off, you get back to a comfortable zone, and then you start to rebuild it. And so that's the pattern a lot of us will do. Instead of saying, I got this, I can handle the heat and I can handle it all. It's like, oh, too hot, unplug. And then, okay, we'll, we'll rebuild the heat. Oh, too hot, unplug. And we'll rebuild the heat. But High Ticket is all about Trust and an ability to feel like you're never going anywhere. If you think about it, the most important thing is reputable and powerful. That's what really is the high ticket frequency. So when you hide under a rock, when you hide under your power, it's like you're shielded from the very energetics that call in the energetic match. So that will be a very beautiful thing for you to focus on. Thank you for sharing this with us.

Thank you for asking.

Of course. Okay, let me see. I had seen another one too. Anna says it came up last night. I let myself lie down and allowed. Allowed myself to feel it. And then it shifted after processing the feeling. So would you be willing to tell us what happened? What happened?

Hi.

Hi.

Hi. Yes. Okay. I was feeling overwhelmed just by, you know, feeling like I should be somewhere else. You. I was listening to you in the buyers in the bond jail yesterday, and you talked about the AFE being like this university. And I was like, I had a big aha moment.

But it.

It came today, it came later. And so in that moment, I was just feeling overwhelmed. And I was like, I'm trying to go on all in on my business. I'm in all these programs, I'm doing this. And I was feeling like I'm not successful or it's not working for me. I started to doubt my abilities. I started to doubt whether clients were really coming in. I've hit this lull and I realized I'm an energetic match for where I am right now. I'm going through like a client transition and clearing. And that feels natural. And then the mind comes in. So I went into feeling a lot of fear and my inner child came up. So I took a shower, I laid in bed, and then I just let myself breathe to a soft song. And then emotion came up. So I'm just learning to locate myself, feel the emotion and validate it. And that's. My trauma response has been dissociation. So being in my body has felt a little unsafe and uncomfortable. And so I let myself just feel it. And then tears came and it only took like 12 minutes, which is not long compared to what these. These waves used to take. But then after I came out of it, I was like, okay, like I need to do this and I'm here for this and I'm here for the intensity. And. And so it was just feeling like, what exactly in alignment with what you shared yesterday on the call? What helps you recharge? How do you disconnect? Because I feel like so much of what I've been doing has just been trying to plug into all these areas and keep up and push myself more and more and more instead of honoring the natural cycle of unplugging and disconnecting and filling yourself up first.

And so is there any guilt that can technique that you can usually come up in that when have you found yourself sometimes override that natural thing because guilt or shame comes up about it? Yes.

Like my historical pattern was to shame myself, judge myself, go into the compound effect, compounding that negative emotion, feeling guilty for feeling this way, feeling like I should be doing more, feeling like I'm not being productive enough, going into the hyper masculine energy.

Okay, so when you imagine, and this is where these discussions become so valuable just for our processing of them. But if you could imagine hiring because you're a, you're a mentor, you're a coach. Right. So if you could imagine hiring a person knowing that they're overriding their natural thing for you because they're afraid and they feel guilty and all this, would you feel as safe with them knowing that they can't handle that?

No.

No. So even though we think we're doing it for our clients, they actually will. Will feel something that's not right. Because this is the thing in this line of business, you and I, our clients are very intuitive. That's not the same for every industry. I can't say that this is the. I wouldn't give everyone the same coaching I'm giving you. But in our line of work, the more intuitive the buyer, the better. But also the more intuitive the buyer, the wiser the buyer. You cannot pull the wool over their eyes. You can't, you can't just be like, I'm fine, I'm having a breakdown on my bed. But you can't feel that. La la la la. Like, that doesn't really work. They're like, something's up with you. I'll think about buying tomorrow or the day after or the day after.

Totally. Yeah. And there's this part of me that's believed that I can only show up perfectly. Like the perfectionism comes in really strong. And there's this, I'm too sensitive, you're too emotional wound from my dad. And so that shows up in how I show up online or with clients. And believing that I can only show up when I feel happy and perfect, which then I go into the shadow of the two line of Heidi.

Now this is true. Your dad is right in a masculine energy paradigm. Because in a masculine energy paradigm, you should be able to only show what the client needs. Because you're in a. You're just basically recalibrating the pool to the right level of water. It has nothing to do with the moon cycle. It has nothing to do with high tide or low tide. No one cares about you being the ocean. We just care about the same amount of water, and everyone can see that there's the same amount of water. And so it's not to discredit this this way. It's just that we know whether that's the way that works with us or not. And some people really naturally have a more masculine balance, and they feel more at ease with this. That's what they prefer. So there is no right or wrong. It's just what's right or wrong for you in your experience. And this is what I love with Alpha femme and all these. These concepts is for the people who do realize, like, I do have a cycle, and I've been trying to pretend I'm even keel, and it's making me hate half of me. All of a sudden. It's like, oh, my gosh, I can. I can actually be all of me in this. And it's actually beautiful. So for anyone who is a coach, a mentor, someone who helps people through their. Their lives and the ups and downs, this is a great opportunity to even share with your audience. Like, today is a. Is a day for me to rest so I can be a greater mentor. This is a day where I drink tea and, you know, rest in the bath and have a nap in the middle of the afternoon and listen to this kind of music in my bed, and I relax, because on days like this, it's time for me to give back to me so that tomorrow I can give back to you. That's a beautiful modeling. That's a beautiful example of you being an exact, energetic representation of what you're selling. So that's when it's so important for us to tap back into the wisdom of what it is that we're doing. If you have kids, it's the same thing. Like today, all day, I gave to my clients. Tonight, all night, I receive and give to my children. And that's the balance that I've created in my business. And you get to create the balance that you want. As long as you're modeling something that you stand behind, the clients that are right for you are going to love it. But you'll never be able to completely remove the people who are working against their natural system and are overriding a lot of their intuitions to have an even keel Business who will be very offended by the fact that you give yourself the right to do this, because they'll be like, I feel more comfortable even keel. But every time you're allowed to break down, and I'm not, I wish I had that. And I feel very jealous of that, and I feel very triggered by that. And so I'm upset with you, and I think you're unprofessional, and I think I should tell you about that. And so sometimes we receive that feedback not because it's valuable to us, but it feels valuable to the person who gets to get it off their chest that they're tougher than you. And you're like, good. Do you like a badge while I go take a nap or are you okay? So we've got to just be all right with our natural rhythms. Even if you're with a person or you're in a conversation, even with a client who's like, well, it's business hours. You know, I remember a few years back, a client hired me. It was a man when I used to coach men and women. Man. His business was in New York, and I didn't work on a Tuesday. Was the one day that I took as goddess day. And so he messages me on a Tuesday. I don't work Tuesday. He says, that's unacceptable. It's business hours. I was like, I don't think I'm going to be very. I'm not. I don't think this is my kind of client. But there's fear in that, because this is a client, though, that pays on time like clockwork, that signs the contract, that will never default on payments because they're in the masculine energy paradigm. And so sometimes you give up the safety for, you know, it's one or the other. But I really knew it. I was like, it doesn't matter how much safety comes with this. I can't be told what to do in my company. That's not. This is not a job for me. And so I had to, like, soften my. Myself and figure out what my right buyers were. And so sometimes you might find that you haven't made peace with who your ideal buyer is, and you still have your dad in the back of your mind to impress. And in some of your copy, the person you're actually selling to is not your ideal client. It's your dad. You're trying to show that you're there no matter what, and that you're tough enough and you're good enough and all the things. And it's without even Recognizing it, you're writing the copy for your dad instead of your ideal client completely.

Because that showed up a lot in Impact Academy of feeling like I have to prove and I would write a lot feeling like I need to make them see that I'm good enough to then hire me.

Yeah. So that's when you realize your trigger is taking over the show, and it's like your fears are overriding the dream. And High ticket is very much connected to the dream. The dream, the luxury, the desire. And so anything that's coded in trigger and fear and trauma is usually not on the same wavelength. So it's good to tidy that up and just pay attention if that's something that's coming up. And the biggest. The light that goes ding, ding, ding to let you know when you're kind of stuck in one of those loops is you feel guilt or you feel shame. Those are the two biggest masculine energy emotions. Women feel disappointed. Men feel guilt and shame. And I don't like to say women and men feminine energy experiences. This is how it should be said. Feminine energetics. We feel disappointment. It's so. It's like, ow. Like, I believed and I'm so silly, and I feel so sad, and I really believed, and maybe I. Maybe I shouldn't have believed. And like, that's the feminine, and the masculine is like, I don't want to look at it. I don't want to talk about it. I hate this. I. I feel just. I just feel so bad, and I just don't. I can't handle feeling like this. And so I just can't look at it. And I just need to just focus on something else right now. And I just need to, like, that's more the masculine energy. And so we've. Either way, we've got to lean into the emotion. And it's like, this hurts so freaking bad. But the way your mom would usually punish you and her if you had a very feminine energy mom or even if your dad had a lot of feminine energy would be like, I'm very disappointed. But the way a masculine approach is. Is like creating a lot of shame. Like, I'm ashamed of you is the feeling that you're feeling like, you should know better. So one is, I'm disappointed, and the other one is like, guilt and shame. And so you'll notice in your business, the masculine energy clients tend to make you feel guilty and ashamed, and the feminine energy clients make you feel disappointed. And you've got to. You've got to work through it either way, because those are the different. The difficult emotions. And if we can't handle those things, that's when we block the business. Because it's like the universe won't give you something that's. That's hurting you and that you're not capable of holding. God won't just send you the thing you say you want just to hurt you. That's just not the vibe. So we've got to work through the emotions on the way there. So thank you so much for sharing this example with us as well. This was super aligned with what I'm trying to bring forward. Chrissy says whenever I felt an increased projections, I focus more on connection and my content. I don't think that's lowering my power. I love that. Okay, perfect. Linda just started watching the compound effect. That's pretty cool. Such a beautiful, vulnerable share head in the sand. Yeah. So why this is so important is because you're gonna. You're gonna experience other people doing this to you, but you will also end up doing it to yourself. And high ticket will tend to trigger a lot of the. I should. And I feel guilty that I wasn't present enough. And I feel ashamed that maybe my client didn't get the result even though they spent a lot of time or I feel disappointed that a client spent that much and they're a difficult client. I thought by raising my prices I would attract a more aligned buyer, and instead I retracted this person. I'm so disappointed. I thought, I thought, I thought, I thought. So what we've got to really work on in order to become an energetic match for constant high buyers is our integrity, our alignment, and our own trust in ourself and in our capacity to overcome the difficult bits. Even if I said to you, let's say I said to you tonight, if I. If before today's module, I would have said. And you can be as transparent as you want. Okay, I am feeling very exhausted today, and I don't think I can deliver the absolute best module for you today. So what I would prefer to do is to add a module to the program because this doesn't feel like I'm going to nail the module. Who here would feel not good about that? Like, I've made a lot of arrangements to be here. This doesn't feel good. This. I don't like this. Maybe you wouldn't have told me, but the feeling would have been, like, super unprofessional. I don't like it. Who would have felt? Uh, no, I don't like it. Now I know people are already Telling me that they would understand, but who would not? I want to hear anybody here that would say, I would not like this. And you, I won't be mad at you. This is not like it's okay. I'm asking, is anybody telling me I would appreciate it. I would completely understand. I would be grateful. I would have felt happy. I would have thought it was perfectly aligned. Okay. Michael says, I would have felt some disappointment, but I would get it. Christy says, I, I would totally get it. Christy says, I swear we're in a lot in sync. All of my content this week has been on standard self care boundaries. And I announced today in my stories that I'm going to talk about integrity and alignment tomorrow. Crazy. This is amazing. I would get it. Mary says, unless it was super common. This is what the thing I was hoping to get so in the middle as this, I'd be disappointed that I understand. Okay, so here's the thing. If it never happens, and I really say today, there's just something like, I'm not feeling it. You would be able to have the honor and the respect for that because it never happens. You'd be like, she must really not be feeling good. And although I'm disappointed, come on, everybody's human. Give her, Give her a night. But what if this happened three to four times per program, every program, then be like, I don't think I can trust in this. I don't think I can. I can't put this in my schedule. Then I'll never, I'll never book live. I'd feel frustrated. I feel like I don't matter. Like, do you not take this seriously? This, the whole thing would start to change. So this is the conversation now about standards. So there is a difference between standards and boundaries. Kristen says, this woman can't hold me if she can't hold herself through the life stuff. Like every time something bad's going to come up, you're just not going to be there. So the thing is, people feel this way before they're in your paid container. If you go through a hard thing on your social media and you just ghost for a week and you don't post anything and you don't show up and nobody hears anything about it and it's because you went through something hard, they will feel the same things. It's so shocking. It's the same kind of thing we were talking about with Michael before, where people will literally DM him. And that feels like a lot of pressure based on power. Not money, but power. People have the same expectation of you, like your content has changed or your, your wishy washy with your stance, your pricing is, it has changed you. You just cut all the programs that were super expensive, you just slashed the price in a quarter and everything's not expensive anymore. Like I don't know what to trust. And so sometimes when we have a wobble because of guilt and shame, we make an, we make an action out of fear. We actually devalue our entire online presence, our entire business because we're afraid. And so the standard you've got to have is something that is non negotiable, something that you really are able to hold all the time. Why it's important that you don't do High Ticket too soon is because you have to be able to withhold the standard of the energy of that all the time. If you drop it once, people will be okay with it. But if you drop it over and over and over and over and over again, you stop holding the vibration that people respect for High Ticket and becomes almost impossible to rebuild it unless you rebuild a whole other audience. And so it becomes difficult. It's a lot harder to pick something back up after you've put it down. So Natalie says a one off is okay, but not on repeat. And this is where you'll notice if you've ever had a off and on stop and go. I'm in my power, I'm out of my power. If it's not acceptable in a container, it sure as heck is not, is not acceptable outside of the container. It's not. People will watch you before they buy something very expensive. They'll watch how you navigate your content, they'll watch how you show up on social media, they'll watch your posts, they'll watch your stance, they'll watch your pricing, they'll watch what people are saying about your stuff. They'll watch everything. And if it's sustainable, then that feels like trust and it feels like yes. But if it feels like up and down, there's a, there's a block around that. So this is why if we circle back to the beginning of this conversation, I really do suggest that you don't push to try to hit a certain thing that's beyond what you're capable of holding because there will be a day you have to put it all down to take a break. And on that day it's a lot harder to pick everything back up after. What makes more sense is to follow your own pace and to say, let me do what's in energetic alignment with me right now. I've seen so many people try to mimic my launch patterns, mimic my social media style of graphics, try to mimic whatever it is that I'm doing. But the thing is, the energy it's taken me to build to this point makes it feel like I can have this sustainably. If you saw one post or one launch that's done well, on the next launch that's not done well, and then one thing, one social media post that's written well and the other one that's full of mistakes and I don't care and I post it weird, and then the next one's good, that feels odd. And unfortunately, when you can't sustain something, it's not a good time to put it out there just because you can do it once. It's better to grow with your alignment because consistency compounds trust. And that's the most beautiful way to put it because the more you're the same, the more heat you're gathering, the better you're getting, but the stronger your, your presence is and people feel that. So if when you're taking this buyer program right now, you're like, how do I just launch an expensive thing today? I'd rethink that strategy. It's more like, how do I build my power that I'm eventually going to feel like it's a yes from head to toe to have this super expensive thing. And super expensive means different things to different people. For some of you, you're contemplating a 25, 000 package. For some of you, high ticket is four grand. For some of you, high ticket is a hundred thousand dollar offer. For some, high ticket is $777,000. Like you're, you're contemplating what your next level of high ticket means. And so it's not just about throwing spaghetti at the wall and seeing what sticks. It's about actually building something sustainable that the magic can roll on. And even if you're having a good time or a hard time, doesn't matter, your energy holds all of it. Edwina says, oh, my goodness. I can see this so clearly in the boom and bust cycle in my business. And so when you see that like up and down, that's not always bad. Unless it feels like you can hold your power when it's up and you can't hold your power when it's down. That's when it's not, it's not right. Because the real truth is up and down is the way of the world. Land is up and down, mountain chains are up and down. The tides go up and down. The sun comes up and goes down. Everything has a cycle in nature. It's when you're trying to control it and you can't. You've got to look at what you've been trying to create or force or push because those things aren't sustainable forever. And then eventually you've got to tear them down. You've got to have a good reason for that. And the whole thing feels a little bit off. So why do I bring this forward in the buyer is because it's very enticing to see high ticket and people posting about big months and high cash flow months. But what we're going to also talk about in the buyer is repeat customers. We're going to talk about people who come back over and over again. And a person who bought the right thing at the right price at the right time will buy the right thing at the right price at the right time. Again, the person who bought the wrong thing at the wrong price at the wrong time and felt bad about it will never buy again. This is also why there's very little benefit in pushing the sale because it ends up being one client, one time and never again. And that's not the buyer paradigm. The buyer paradigm is about building a client roster. It's about building a connection of people that's always tapped into you. That's like, whether I buy now or I buy later, I'm buying, I'll be back. This is what happens in my world. People say, I love it and I'm, I'm never leaving. Or they say, I love it and I'll be back. But I, I very rarely will get a person unless it's for financial situations. And it hurts them less to tell me that they don't love me anymore than to tell me they can't afford it. And I honor that because most of them come back later anyway and say, I didn't mean that, I'm sorry, I love you and I've got money again, what can I buy? So it's usually a money thing. But either I, I'm here and I'm staying, or I'm, I love you and I'm coming back. Or, sorry, it was a money thing. I pretended it wasn't, but it's usually a money thing. So what I would love for you to contemplate in this discussion for your own business is what's the price point, the real price point that allows you to consider your buyer fully and not get into your own head about the guilt, the shame, the disappointment, the pressure, like what's your price point that really feels like there is zero pressure around this price point. But not. There's zero pressure and there's zero pleasure either. You probably have a number that when it dings in your phone, it feels normal and you're like, yes, but it doesn't feel. That's just that much. And it doesn't feel like I could get payments like that every day. It would be amazing. What's the number that when it comes in, you're like, yeah, it just feels right. It just feels good. That is your energetic buyer ease number. And you want to see how often you can build offers around that price point. Then we'll look at what your next level price point is and what stretches you and what we need to do and how you need to build your inner system to not either hide under a rock because you don't want to be seen or what doesn't make you over give or what doesn't make you start marketing to your dad. So he's proud. Like all those things because these are all things that we do. It's just we don't do it on purpose. But there's a certain price point that triggers. Are you proud of me? Did I do enough? Am I worthy of this? Do you see me now? All the things. And what we want is to really get clear on the aligned body price so that we can then stretch that body price. Okay, let's see. 10,000 was my first thought. Never done an offer like that makes me feel excited. So that's not. That's not what we're looking for. We're not looking for. This makes me feel excited. We're looking for the number that normally comes in that makes you feel like. Yeah, it doesn't feel like you discredit it. It doesn't feel like I always get payments that size. Those don't matter. You recognize it when it comes in. Like, I love when I get payments that size, but it also doesn't feel like. I just wish I could get payments like this all the time.

This is so crazy.

I love it when this happens. Like, you have those that are just so good and you're like, oh my gosh, if only I could only have those. Not those either. The ones that come in and they feel normal but good. Not desensitized normal but good. If I don't feel one yet, does it mean I'm not there yet? Not necessarily, but I would look at what you normally feel. So do you discredit every payment that ever comes in? Like every time you get one, you're just like, well, it's not a lot. Do you go, oh, my God, this is crazy. This is so much money. Every payment that comes in, so there's something in the middle that feels like, I love it when this amount comes in. And I don't. It doesn't feel like it's not a lot, and it doesn't feel like it's a lot. It's just this feeling of, like, I love it when this amount comes in. Trying to prove him wrong. Energy. I do have the make my dad proud. Most of us do. I don't discredit any money after a year with you. I love that. How do we determine if this is a sale? Okay. How do we determine this? If sales are up and down and super inconsistent, so there isn't great data, I think that you will still be able to tell, on average, what number usually makes you not feel where. You just kind of know the money came in, and you're like, okay, that payment came in versus the payments that come in. You're like, oh, my God, I needed that. Versus the amounts that come in, and you're like, oh, I love this price point. I love this one. This comes in. There's just. It's just a good vibe. It doesn't make you feel pressure, and it doesn't make you feel discredited. It's just a good vibe. So see now, Marjorie. 500 bucks that I'm used to. Perfect. Charmaine. 4,000, 444 for under 2,000 square feet. 6,666 for 2 to 4K. But what's the number? What's the number that came to your mind first? 13. 3. 3 has been the recent one. 2k for me. Very good. I only have one. One offer. It feels okay as it is there. Okay. It's more about I can do whatever I want and worked for. I'm used to 10 to 20k a month. So I'm talking about an individual payment. I'm talking about when. When an amount comes in and you see it come in so, 5, 5, 5, 5. 25,000, 4,444. So my amount that comes in, and I just feel the effortlessness of it, is 1888. That's the number that, when it comes in, I'm like, I love that number. I love that number. Anything above that, when it comes in, I'm always like, I love when that happens. But 1888 is my just, like, buttery number where I'm just like, love those payments. Love, love, love. Those payments. Love, love, love. I don't discredit the others. Like they all suck, but they all kind of come in like, yep, good, good, good, good. 1888 feels like butter and everything else feels like sprinkles. And so you're going to figure in your body, like, what's the easiest, butteriest one where you could just receive that payment over and over and over again with ease, without feeling like you have to over deliver and without feeling disappointed that you should be paid more. There's a lot of wisdom in that number because that number is a number that you believe can happen twice in a second and it would change your world. So what we're looking to do in the buyer paradigm is to create a really solid foundation where money is coming in so much that you don't need to worry about the high ticket stuff, stuff that you never need, the high ticket stuff that when you're creating those higher ticket offers, they're coming from the most valuable place in your soul. They're like, I don't need this. I want to create an experience around this because if I only ever made eighteen hundred dollar payments again, I'd be happy. But what do I create that makes this energetic match for the higher buyer experience? And that's when your energy gets tangled in. So because the higher payments tangle your energy, you've got to make sure that it tangles beautiful energy and not I need more money. And so I'm making the higher price thing. We want to have like just easy breezy, just, oh my gosh, these payments come in so easy. And then we want. I just had a genius, brilliant idea. The price points higher. My energy's tangled into that. Bang, bang, bang. This is so good. So where I would love for you to do some inner work on today's module is, first of all, I want you to really work on the feeling inside where you might feel any guilt or shame or disappointment in your business and it makes you lower your power. I want you to contemplate that deeply. Where has that happened? Where have you shut your power off and do you feel safe turning it back on? Or is there something like, what is the reason it's not safe to keep the power on? Why has it felt safer to turn it off? Contemplate that. And the second thing you're going to contemplate is the number. What is the number that feels like butter? And this is like the craziest thing. Every time we get to the end of the call, someone says, the reason this all comes together so Christie just said I lower my power on my pricing. This is exactly the conversation that's coming next. So try not to connect them too fast. Do this work? First, really look where do I cut my power and then look where is my pricing? Like butter. And then we're going to go to the next level together. But really contemplate this, because if not, all you're getting is information. And I really want you to think because all your breakthroughs happen in your thoughts, like you contemplating, you thinking answers are going to come through for you and share with us in the group what's going on for you. What are you realizing? What's coming through, Chris, if you want to break that down in the group and share it, do that. Let yourself have an experience and a breakthrough around this. I'm so happy to hear that. Just know. Just notice the guilt, the shame, the disappointment mixed with the pressure and the wanting to hide under a rock. There's so much wisdom in that and it's where most people never go. And it's why there's not a lot of people that actually nail the high ticket sales thing. We're getting closer and closer to figuring it all out. So thank you for being here. Thank you for your time, your energy, your love, and I will see you on the next module of the buyer. Sam. It.