The Mentor - Day 5
Heather Hales leads a mentorship session with Genevieve Rackham, Susie, and Brianna on self-worth, business growth, and the emotional challenges entrepreneurs face. The group discusses psychological aspects of mentorship and how to validate yourself instead of waiting for others to do it.
Sam.
I am a business artist, and I have people become wildly successful at their own craft. We are revolutionizing entrepreneurship. Foreign beings. And welcome to the mentor program. Today we're going to have a few people that are VIPs come in. It's going to be fun. And there's some powerful conversation today as well I want to have with you. So first things first. There's an energy that I've noticed in sometimes in my entrepreneur or not in my entrepreneur, in my mentoring journey. This has happened often throughout the whole thing, and it has never stopped. Like, it hasn't gone away. And so I want to talk to you about this because I think it's an important piece of the puzzle. It's not a very long piece, but it's an important piece. And I think we kind of, kind of went into it a little bit yesterday, but I want to take it to an even deeper, more powerful conversation. So have you ever experienced. Thank you. Have you ever experienced as a client or as a mentee? You hire a mentor and then you're terrified that you're bothering them all the time. Or even worse, you create the story in your mind. Like, maybe they don't like you. Like, maybe you're just not. You don't click. They don't. They don't like you as much as they like their other clients. Maybe you're not as fancy or shiny or as successful or as fun. And like, you love the mentor, but you feel like they don't love you. And so I want to talk to you about that, because this is something that often happens in the mentoring industry, is that we have this, like, desire of how we want to feel with people, but we have this preconceived limit of how much we believe people genuinely love us. And we find those limits out in mentorship. So I have found such a liberation. And becoming a mentor because I realized that a lot. And being mentored because I realized a lot of the fears I had of, like, showing up on social media when it was for the masses. I didn't realize this is what it was, but when I had a mentor, I realized what it was. It was like I was afraid to bother the Internet. I was afraid to post too much. I was afraid that I was going to be all excited about something and no one would care. I was afraid that I was, like, bothering people with my thoughts and my celebrations. I compared myself to other people the Internet seemed to like more. And then when I had a mentor, I did the exact same thing with the mentor. I thought the Other clients they had were probably cooler than me. And I noticed it in myself quite early. I was like, whoa, this is really interesting. Why am I doing this? And so I really feel like being mentored is an incredible opportunity to see who we are in relationship to the world. It is like a smaller. It is like a microcosm of a bigger way that we are with people. And so sometimes we get really excited about relationships, and the minute the relationship starts, we get into our head about it. You know, you may be really good at dating. The first date, the second date, and then you get in your head. I feel like maybe the person doesn't care so much about me anymore. Maybe they're not that into me anymore. I feel like at the beginning, they were more into me. They're not so much into me anymore. It could be with friends. Like, I feel like we clicked so much in the beginning, and then, I don't know, something happened. And so we often imagine when we're going through these things that it's someone else that's feeling this about us and that we're just noticing it. But a lot of the times, what we're actually noticing and feeling is what we imagine to be true about ourselves. And in a lot of cases, in our human design, our projection and our thoughts about ourselves are actually the most important thing. Because, for example, anyone here who's a projector, whatever you project onto the screen is what's. Is what people are going to see. And so as a projector, the most important thing is that the beliefs about yourself are so there because you're looking at them like, whatever. You know, you're not the screen, you're the projector. You're the one who casts whatever it is that people see about you onto the big screen. So if you cast that you're annoying, you cast that, people don't get you, you cast well, then people are like, oh, okay. Thanks for letting us know that's what you are, who you are. Thanks for letting us know. We didn't realize you were annoying, but now that you're telling us you are. Thanks. We didn't realize that you were boring, but now that you're telling us, that's really great to know. Thank you for telling us that you're inadequate and boring. Thank you. I would have never known. I looked at you, I thought you were fabulous. But thank you for letting me know that you are inadequate and boring. This is very helpful knowledge. So it's so important that you see yourself as this powerful person and that you're Doing your best to hold that energetic frequency because your projection says so much same thing. If you are a person who has a strategy to respond in life, so you have a sacral authority or an emotional authority, and your strategies to respond, well, you respond very differently based on how you feel. So if you feel like people don't like you, your response is going to change. How do you treat people when you think they like you? Versus how do you treat people when you think they love you? Versus how do you treat people when you think they hate you? Versus how do you treat people when you think? Totally different thing. A completely different thing. So when you're responding to life, thinking that life is telling you you're annoying, you're not good enough, no one really wants to spend time with you, no one really likes you, you're not the one. Well, you respond to life differently, you respond to people differently. So if I have, if I have this belief that my mentor doesn't really want to be with me, doesn't really love me, I'm not just not good enough somehow, well, I'm gonna, I'm gonna respond to them so differently. I'm gonna show up so differently in that relationship. Same thing for the projector. It's like you're waiting for the invitation. For the, from the person that you think doesn't like you, you're never going to see it, even when it's there. And then for those of you who are manifesters, who it's so important, like, the manifester is very self centered, not self centered in a bad way, self centered. Like it's, it's all about me. It's all my life is very much about me, in the center of it. And so if my experience is that people don't like me, I'm completely lost in the center of my life. The one most important thing in my world, I don't know how to be. And for the reflectors, Reflectors are such a special design because it's like there's you're all or nothing depending on the people that you're around, it makes a huge difference. So depending on what your family is like and what it's like to be around people in your world, if it's, if you have this belief. But I find like reflectors are my clients that are the easiest to just. This has been historically true for me. My reflector clients are the ones that kind of just feel like they belong everywhere. And then if they really start thinking about it, they belong nowhere. But then if they stop thinking about it, they belong everywhere. Kind of like that. And they could change every environment and just belong. Then they could also think about it and think they don't. So they could change environments and then feel like they belong. Then they could overthink about it and feel like they don't. But. So that's like. That's their own journey in life. But for most of us, the most important thing is how we feel about ourselves, what we think about ourselves. It's so important. So you may have a trauma or a code around feeling annoying to people that represent power in your life. And so if your parents got annoyed with you and all you wanted to do was play with them or impress them or just show them and they were not impressed or they were annoyed, or they felt like they always wanted you. Okay, no, it's adult time now. The kids need to go. Or, like, we're going on vacation, you can't come, or you need to be quiet, or you need to stop. Now go to bed. It's your bedtime. I'm still staying up to watch my shows, but you've got to go to bed. Any little thing like that creates this thing sometimes as a trauma response of like, you're the one that I desire to be seen by the most, and you don't see me. This could be with big, you know, older siblings. It could be with a grandparent, a parent. But what it often is is in response to someone that you admire that you want to be seen by. And often we project that onto mentors and coaches. So it's like, you're the one person that I want to be seen by. You're the one person that's supposed to just want to be with me, and you don't. It's not true that they don't, but any tiny little thing will make you think that if you haven't yet healed the part in you that doesn't see yourself as equal to the people you admire. This is why mentorship is so powerful. Equal power, but different. Shoulder to shoulder. If you're able to walk shoulder to shoulder, equal power, then you're not going to have that trauma response of what tends to happen when you put someone on a pedestal a little bit. And the thing with being with a mentor is that you can be so grateful they exist without putting them in a position of authority that changes the way you respond to them. Like, if you can see a person that's your mentor as a person who's like, I love you. Like, I love you, and when I walk with you, I Love my life as opposed to, like, you're better than me. I need to learn from you. I need you to approve of me. I hope you like me, which is, we don't do this on purpose, but we do this and we get less out of the mentorship like that. I love you. I'm grateful for you. I'm having the time of my life with you. I want to share something with you. Oh, my gosh, let me tell you something. I want to laugh together. I want to share these incredible things together. Yes. I choose you because you've done incredible things. But ultimately, I love you. I love and respect you. I want to do. Life with you is so different than, I hope you see me. I hope I'm good enough for you. I hope you enjoy. I can't tell you how many clients that I love that I think are absolutely fabulous in the course of my career. Who had a conversation with me about, do I really like them? Is there something wrong? Because they feel like maybe they're annoying me or maybe. And I'm like, no, no. Like, I compare myself to other clients. They seem like they're making so much more. Like, maybe you have more fun with them. And I'm like, no, you know, maybe you don't. Maybe I'm not. I'm going through something hard right now, and maybe it's just not so fun for you to be my mentor. That's not what this is. That's like. That's like you telling your friend, you know, I just feel like maybe you don't. You. I'm not as fun as your other friends because I don't have as many things to celebrate. It's like, but you're my friend. It's like your. Your kids or your. Your sister or your. Your cousin or your friend. Your friend. Like people that you love, completely love, who are like, I'm not. You must not love me as much because I'm maybe not enough or not cool enough or not. Not this enough or that enough. And so this is also something that, as a mentor, you're going to have to walk with these people, projecting that you don't care about them. And this is going to be a very difficult moment for you, especially considering how much you actually are going to love and adore the people who are going to share this with you. You don't want to. You don't want to invalidate their feelings. Like, this is how they're feeling, but you know, it isn't true. And a lot of times it brings up a trauma Response in us of like, no, like, how. How much do I. What do I have to do in order for you to feel loved by me? Why is it that no matter what I do, it isn't enough? This is what I've often seen with my clients that are receiving this from their clients. They feel so defeated. Like, it doesn't matter how often I get on the phone with this person, doesn't matter how often I talk to them, doesn't matter how many messages I respond to, doesn't matter how deep our connection goes for me. They don't feel it like, what am I doing wrong? It doesn't matter how much. How, How. What about that time where we laugh? About that time where we talk? What about all the things that we've shared? What about all the things that you've shared with me? Like, you don't feel like I care about you? How is that? And so it's so important to do the work, to not take it personally. Because these projections are usually cast when the person is momentarily blinded by whatever status they've. They've decided you have, they don't. Or whatever status your other clients have that they don't. It's a comparison game that's a trigger and a trauma response from a very long time ago. And so to elevate in the most pleasant version of mentorship, the goal is to find people that doing life with them just expands you. And that when you notice yourself having thoughts like, what if this person doesn't like me because I'm not as successful as everybody else, turning the question around to yourself, like, do you do that? Do you like people less if they're less successful? Is it like, oh, if I have a friend that's celebrating stuff, she's my friend. And if I have a friend that's going through hard times, she's not my friend. Like, do you see yourself doing that? And then there's either work for you to do on, like, oh, I think I do. So maybe this is a projection based on myself. Or you're like, no. So why do I imagine that my mentor would do that? Do I believe in people and their power? Am I able to see that the goodness of my heart is the goodness of their heart? And there is no comparison. Like, that we're all important. And so this part is like, if you can do this work for yourself, I think it's going to be really transformational. But sitting with yourself and really asking you, you know, where. Who in my life that I really seek to be seen by that Shaped a lot of my behavior where I was maybe a very, very good girl to try to do, you know, see if you can remember memories of not feeling seen and not feeling good enough. And also try to see if you can remember memories of being seen and being good enough. Because either way, it's a trauma response. This is the thing. Like, even if you were applauded for every good thing you did and that made you feel so strong and so conf. The fact that your confidence comes from being applauded is actually also a trauma response. Like, we. We respond to things in our youth and they either make a quality that we like or they make a quality that we don't like, but either way, they come from the same place. And so where did you get the applause? Where did you get the validation? And now you're seeking it everywhere because maybe you were an only child or a firstborn and every single thing you did was like you were just the greatest thing on two legs for the longest time and everybody thought you were fantastic. And nothing has ever quite measured up to the first three years of your life before the next kid came. You know, there's so many different places in life where we're either so seen and then it kind of goes away. And we consistently try to recreate that, or it feels like we're never seen and we're just trying to create that. So ultimately there's a surrender that occurs where it's like, we don't need anyone to tell us what we are worthy of. We don't need anyone's validation. We need to be able to see ourselves. And our journey is the one of seeing ourselves and of being able to walk with people and seeing them while they see themselves. When. And other people and then people walking with other people while they're seeing themselves. Because we go so much further when we take radical self responsibility for the seeing. If I'm only really powerful when you see me, that is circumstantial power. And so I really believe one of the reasons that I made it to where I am right now is I was able to be invisible for a very long time. Even when I started my journey with my online Facebook lives and stuff like that, there was nobody watching. I'd be like, I remember starting my live videos like, hello, let me know if you can see me. Let me know if you can hear me. Does the connection work when you're coming on live? Say hi, Let me know where you're from. What time is it over there? Is this working? Is this thing on so I'm just gonna wait a few minutes to see if somebody's gonna come home. Like, these were the beginnings of my first Facebook lives. And so if I would have needed that validation from the beginning, I probably would have quit. And a lot of people do. They prefer to do things where they get immediate validation rather than to go behind the scenes and be like, look, no one's watching yet, but they're gonna because it's me, and I got this. And so eventually, you gotta choose you. And the reason you walk with a mentor is not necessarily to be seen, but you gotta trust that you're gonna be. If you're choosing a mentor that's got a good heart and that knows what they're doing, you gotta trust that they see you, because you're gonna show up so much differently in the container. If you believe that they see you, then if you fear that they don't. It's the same thing in any relationship. If you believe that the person you're across the dinner table from thinks you are the sexiest thing they've ever seen in their entire life, they cannot get ahead. They can't get enough of you. And you're sitting across the table from them, and you know it. You feel it. You're like, I'm a sexy beast, and this person cannot get enough of me is what is happening. You are going to be such a different person on the other side of that table. You're going to be lighthearted and fun and funny. And if you're looking at the person, like, wonder if he thinks I'm hot. I wonder if she thinks I'm sexy. I wonder if they like me. What did that look mean? I wonder if they're thinking of someone else. I think, I wonder if they like me. I wonder if they. I wonder. You're a totally different person. It's a totally different experience. So it's really like, if I'm sexy and I know it, then we can build everything from here. But if. If I can't start until I know for sure that you think I'm great, Like, what. What will it take? And can I even ever show you that? If you've already decided that you're not, Will there ever be enough of me to give you something that you've denied yourself? Like, will I ever have enough power to give you the thing you deny yourself? I don't think so. And so the greatest thing when you're receiving mentorship and when you're giving mentorship as receiving mentorship is just remembering you decide you're good enough. And it changes the way you show up in the container. It changes the connection. It's like, we both want to be here. It's one of those relationships. Could you imagine if on a first date with the person, you could be like, I'm in the mood. Let's say you sign a three month coaching agreement. You're saying, I'm in the mood for a three month love affair. Like, the greatest love affair of my life. I want butterflies, romance, magic. Like, I want to live three months of bliss. Do you want to play? And the person across the table says, I want to play. And you're on the same page. You think you could have three epic months. But what if you go, I wonder if they're going to like me in these three months. I wonder if this is going to go well, you know, one year. Or you start this and you're like, this is fantastic. Let's see where it goes. I'm going to have the time, we're going to have the time of my life. I'm fantastic. You're fantastic. Let's play and find out where this goes. But if there's any doubt that you're good enough or that they're not going to see you, there is no chemistry. And the chemistry and the mentorship starts with the fact that you're a sexy beast. You are magic on legs. You are worthy of mentorship. You are worthy of millions. You're worthy of the relationship of your dreams. You're worthy of impact and influence. You're worthy of a company that thrives. You're worthy of amazing employees. You're worthy of amazing business partners and clients and everything that you ever wanted. And so you show up at the table with your mentor like, hello, I choose you. Let's make magic. Not, hello, I choose you. Do you like me? Because then you're always going to wonder, no matter how scary it is, you got to show up at the table like, hello, I'm sexy. Who are you? Like, let's get started on the right foot. Like, I deserve this. I'm here for this. I'm ready for this. Whatever it takes for you to see you, it's going to change the game. And if ever during your mentorship time, you have a moment where you're like, I feel like this person doesn't like me. Tell them, tell them. Because you're gonna know immediately when you tell them that it's not true. If the person's like, yeah, I know I'm trying real hard to mentor you, but you truly are annoying. You'll know if the person's like, okay, I'm so sorry. Like, that's not my intention. Well, it'll maybe be weird, but that's only because they haven't heard this part of the conversation where they've got to just not make it personal. But what's going to happen most of the time is the person's going to be like, no, that is not true. And they're going to make it right for you very fast. Don't hold on to this if you're stuck with it. Just like, I've got to get something out of the way. I even took a program once where the mentor in the program told me this might happen, and I'm experiencing it. And it probably has nothing to do with you. In all honesty, it probably is projections or from my own stuff. And I already kind of know where it's from, but I just want to voice it because I feel like once I voiced it, it's out of the way. I'll be able to keep going. Your mentor can hold you. You're going to be okay. And as a matter of fact, if you trust them to tell them your real feelings, you'll probably go a lot further together. I have had so many clients that I love with all my heart question whether I love them back. And I was grateful that they told me because I was able to make it right, you know, so that's from the person who is receiving the mentorship. When you are the mentor and a client tells you that they don't feel the love from you, or maybe they're not cool enough for you, or maybe they annoy you, or maybe whatever it is that they're feeling, it's not about you. This is about their feelings, their experience, how they wish they felt. This is really so important that you put them first in this moment. It is not about you. It is not about you doing anything wrong. Because one thing I know more than anything is how much my clients love their clients. And across the board, even when you don't feel loved by your mentor, you know how much you love your clients. And sometimes they feel you don't love them. So we've got to remember, like, this is their experience. And if it's not true for them, hold them in that, be strong for them, and remember that you've probably felt this before or will in the. In the future. And it's just a part of women doing life together. The motherhood wound, the sisterhood wound. There's so much coding around Women together. And we're trying to override so much of that. Sometimes it kicks up some dirt, sometimes little particles of dust cloud our vision for a moment. So as a mentor, be strong. If these conversations arise, as a mentee, be brave. Let your coach know about it, let your mentor know about it. But if it's possible at all, do some introspection before so you can come with some self responsibility. I already know this probably isn't true. I've done some work around this, but I feel like if I don't share it with you, I'm probably going to be stuck. So I feel like if I tell you, I'll get it out of the way. Here's what's going on. And I feel like you'll probably just be like, as soon as you say it, it'll be like, wow, that has so much less power after it's been said. I'm glad I said it. And there'll be an opportunity for connection.
That was the segment I wanted to.
Bring to the table today and I'm seeing quite a few of my clients in the comments. So I love you all. I know that. I know that for a lot of my personal clients and Hypermind clients, unity clients, channel clients, even that are watching this, be like, oh, that's me. You're talking about me. I'm talking about many of you. So like there's, there's nothing wrong about this. This is a common thing and I think it's very important for everyone. And I love you, all of you, a lot. Okay, so we are going to have Susie that's going to come on when she has a second. And I think, and if, if Brianna, if you have something, you can also come up today, let me know if you have anything. And if I'm not mistaken, I think Genevieve also. But we're going to start with Susie whenever she's ready.
Let's see.
She here. Can I see her? Hello.
I was like, I can't unmute.
Thank you, Alpha team. So how you doing?
I am very good. I have a lot of children in the background because I've got my next door neighbour's kids over here as well. So I just preface that.
Okay, perfect.
There may be some action, but I'm good, thank you.
Fabulous.
So I wanted to share. It was a conversation that we were having yesterday and it was about the numbers and how I had finally caught up on my money tracking because I've been away in Peru in April and I take my kids away for a week and then I'd done a 10 day, what you call it, I got on a 10 day plant medicine retreat. And so when my normal daily money tracking happens, it kind of gone out of the window and it was really interesting. I think that it activated some old school habits or beliefs. Like back in the day when I wouldn't money track it was because I was scared of how I was going to feel on the 0 pound days. I couldn't feel, I couldn't hold my emotional wellbeing on the 0 pound days as well as I could on the 1000 or 2000 pound days. And I think that just getting out of the habit of that brought back the fear. And so then when we got to May, I remember coming in and being like, I think I've just had my.
Worst moment month in business.
And, and you were like, you think, but you don't know. And then it took me until literally two days ago and I finally did my numbers and actually it was the smallest month that I had had for a year. I'd done 98,000. But what was really beautiful about that is that I was like, I didn't sell for three whole weeks. I took my kids away and I wouldn't, not just not selling, but I had, I was dark, like I had no technology for 10 whole days and I still did just under a hundred thousand. Like that was great. And, and at the same time I just had a 40,000 pound, I was having a 40,000 pound day. So that was amazing. And it was really interesting how quickly I went from everything's amazing and I'm really abundant to it's not enough when's the next person coming? Because what I also did, because I was on a roll with the numbers, I thought I'm going to look at stripe year on year. And my stripe account said I was down 22% and I was, that's not good. And I immediately went into scarcity. Abundant, amazing to scarcity. And then I was like, look at the numbers because you don't only get paid in stripe. So I looked elsewhere and actually as of the 19th yesterday, I was £100,000 down from where I was the year before, which means that I'm tracking for a 2 million pound year, which is.
So everything you did in the whole of last year, you're just £100 short. £100,000 short of what you did all of last year. And we're not even halfway through the year.
No, no, I'm, I'm not in exactly the same.
Okay, you're at the same place minus a Hundred thousand. Yeah, got it. I'm like, with the timeline. So when instead of being 22%, you're seeing like I'm really less than a lowest month or about a lowest month away from what I did last year. Yeah.
I think what was really amazing is that last year I'd had my biggest month in year. I'd done a 267,000 pound month. I'd had a huge launch at the beginning of the year which we weren't able to repeat because of the pandemic. I do in person events. I've been consistent this year, whereas I had the huge spikes last year. But I feel what's so interesting is that I'm like, we're not even halfway through the year yet. Yeah. And I just, I feel that the momentum is. I'm just, I said that I feel like this is going to be the year that makes no sense. Like I'm going to get to the end of the year and be like, how the hell did that happen? And it feels really amazing. And at the same time there's a little bit of my logical mind that's like, why do you think, why do you think that? And it's just like I do. So I brought it into the mastermind group because it's just nice to be witnessed in the roller coaster and notice how quickly the ride will take you up and down and all of the things. But I. Yeah, I'm always interested to.
Hear your, my take. So there's a few things about this. And first of all, just for the whole group, again, can we just like look at the fact that a 98,000 pound month is the lowest month in how long a year is the lowest month in a year? Like, who else would like to celebrate a lowest month of the year as a 98,000 pound month? Like, I'm gonna take that. That sounds like a great deal. So it's like putting stuff into perspective. Like you're gonna get to the point where you're having multiple things, six figure months, and then a $98,000 month will.
Feel like.
That'S gonna happen.
Like this is why this mentorship at such high levels is important. Because we don't stop desiring growth. We don't stop seeing ourselves as an even greater version than we are now. And so things that we prayed for in the past can still feel inadequate, even though we know conceptually it's still amazing. It's like, yes, it is. I'm grateful, but I know I'm capable of so much more. And I know I'm a match for so much more. So the important thing about these conversations is just to remember, like we have created a sub segment of the world that most people don't understand at all. Like these conversations of it was my lowest month ever. It was a 98,000 pound month and I need some mentorship around this. Like the whole world's going, what? Like it doesn't make any sense whatsoever, you know, but we are a tiny little piece of the world that believes in magic and consistent, consistently sees miracles happen. So there's a few things about this. The first one is how many trips have you been on since the beginning of this year? You've been to Mykonos, you've been to Peru, you've been to Dubai. Like you've traveled so much. You, you're speaking on stages, like world class stages with thought leaders that people be like, what? How did you manifest this opportunity? How'd you manifest that opportunity? How did you manifest that opportunity? You're constantly being sought out all over the place. You've sold parts of your company. There's big moves happening in your life. You got to make decisions about, you know, audio books and redo it. Like there's like your life is huge, huge. The things that you're having to work through right now. And you took three weeks off with your kids, unplugged for 10 whole days, no social media, and came out with almost a six figure month. But the thing that is the most important part in what you said is that looking at my numbers brought back an old thing of like, when I don't, what I don't think I can handle the lows, I don't look.
Yeah.
And so this is one of those things that no matter what level we're at, we've got to train ourselves to look at it because there's a frequency to not looking that matters far more than the not looking. And I remember in May when I said to you, you think you had the worst month, that means you didn't look. And you were like, I haven't because I've had no wifi. And because, and because. But the thing is, I know that if you would had money pouring in at hyperspeed, you'd have made time to look, you'd have found the numbers. The real truth in it is that when we're really excited about our wealth, we tend to track it. There's a pattern for success that we have that our body recognizes as I'm in a good place. And there are patterns that we have that Our body recognizes as I am not okay, this is not okay. I don't want to look, I don't want to see, I don't want to know. And so staying connected to those numbers is even more powerful than the fact that you're counting. It means something energetically we're in a good place, things are going well, I'm connected to my work as opposed to, I think I need to just not look at it for a little bit because I don't want to be upset, which means I already think things aren't going in the right direction. So continuing that practice because there's a time in your life where you had to coach yourself to look at the numbers. Even when you had zero pound days, it was like, I'm going to have to look. And so now it's not necessarily zero pound days, you know, it's just a six figure month. That's like, let's not look at it. It's low but it's the same coding and it's the same essential escaping the, putting my head in the sand, pretending if I don't look at it this month, maybe I won't feel bad about it. But I'm also not connecting to the energy of the, of the money and of the wealth. So retraining yourself and re coaching yourself no matter what, to look at the numbers and to stay connected to them and to find the gratitude. The same process as you took yourself through in the beginning that took you from, you know, trying to hit a 10k month to being mildly disappointed with $100,000 a month. Like there was such a journey in that. But the concepts are the same. It's important not to forget that the other part, which I think is so big with this discussion is the non linear success. So this is the biggest part of the mentorship I want to share with you. When you are counting your wealth and when you are connected to your money and you're sending positive energy and you're coaching yourself through the hard moments and you're looking at the numbers even though it's difficult. You're planting seeds, you're planting a connection to your money and it's going to grow over time and pineapple season is coming. If you don't look, you've unplugged the oven, you've pulled out the seed, you've said that hasn't grown and you just stop watering it, you stop the sunshine, you stop the whole thing and you'll look at it later, later when the weather is better. Later, later. And so What I have found for me is that in understanding nonlinear success, it means that unpredictable things are coming under the surface where I can't see them. If I'm only looking at what I can see to predict what's coming, I'm going to create a predictable success. So far, a lot of what you've done, you've done is unpredictable. But what we tend to do when there's something to lose, because there's a difference between having a business where there's nothing to lose. I'm broke anyway, all my credit cards are maxed. I'm eating soup for the next week anyway, so I might as well do the thing. It doesn't matter when there's nothing to lose. We're so brave. But when it's like, wait a minute, I have a vacation I want to take, I have my kids, I want to enroll in like these next level schools. I've got this, this vision for myself, how I want to dress, how I want to be, the money in my bank account, my taxes, how I feel about money. I need to have money if I'm going to talk about money. And then people expect me to hit a certain amount. All this is coming now and it's all new stuff to feel. So we start to look at what's predictably a good idea, a good plan, a good month, a good thing, instead of remembering that there's more even under the surface than what we're seeing. The year I had a million dollar month. The first month of the year was a hundred and something thousand dollar month. And by September we had a million dollar month that was not predictable at all. It was impossible. As a matter of fact, if you had told me in January that I was going to have a million dollar month in September, I would have said that's impossible. If you would have told me in February, I would have said it's impossible. If you told me in March, April, May, June, July, August, I would have said it's impossible. And then we had one in September. So non linear growth means whether I am having my biggest month or my slowest month ever. It does not actually mean anything about what's coming down the line. What's coming down the line is still in the crops underneath the surface where pineapple season is coming. So everything that's predictable is just what my eye can see. That's just the fun, easy to pick low hanging fruit. That shows me I'm still in business. But the longevity of my crops are still underground. And that is what I've got to keep Believing in, even when I'm successful. And sometimes it is harder because we are so good at dreaming. When we are new, it's like 50, 50. It's actually 90, 10 when you first start. 90% is dreams, 10% is reality. It's all about the dream. It's all about the dream. You dream one day, imagine. It's all about under the. Under the surface and who you're going to be. And then all of a sudden you start to see materialized stuff and you start interacting with more of what you can see than what you can't. But under the surface is the most important always, even when you're successful. So continue to look at your crops even when they're not as fruitful as you had hoped for. Don't disconnect. And beyond that, always have the strength to believe in what you can't see more than what you can.
Thank you.
Thank you for bringing this because I think it was very good for a lot of people to hear this. Like, this was one that I know is for so many, at so many levels. Like whether you're trying to hit a 10k month or whether you're disappointed at 100k month or whether you hit a million dollar month, it doesn't matter. It is the same energetics. It is just we forget when we've got something tangible to look at. We forget under the surface sometimes. Thank you so much. I love you. Thank you so much. All right, let's have Brianna. Brianna, come back up.
Hi.
Hi.
I'm so excited.
Fabulous. I love the bangs.
Thanks. I'm like out of bed. I'm just so proud of myself. I was so sick and I went through this like, very deep sick portal where I don't know if you know, like the naturopaths, especially like western naturopathic medicine, always had like high fevers or times where huge amounts of things transform in a person. I'm like, I am transformed.
That is what happened.
So I love it.
I love it. That that also coincided with this program. And I'm like, oh, it's all perfect. Even though I wasn't actually feeling like it was perfect, I'm like, this is perfect. So last night in my, like I was having like a feverish dream actually. And in my dream I had this image of really diving in more to tend to my clients. It was like, what do I need to do? It's like I love my clients wildly, like, so, so much. It's like more of that. I was like, okay, if there's more of that, then I'M feeling like there that I love strategy. I love strategy in my business. I love strategy with my clients. Businesses. And I also love all the energetics, too. But I was like, it feels like a time to shift how much I'm putting my attention on the strategy of my business. And I'm really. So I'm actually wondering for you, when did you. Or do you ever. Does your team come in and how much of the strategy is your team responsible for versus how much of the strategy are you responsible for? And how does that. Because you obviously also love your clients wildly and spend so much time with your clients and in your programs. And there must. I mean, at this point, for me, I'm just like, oh, there needs to be more of somebody else. I need a somebody else to help with that so that I feel like, oh, I have a little bit more freedom in my time to be more dove. Dove in. You know, that word in with my clients.
Well, this is a special one because the frequency that. Like the energetic match. And I've been talking about this a little bit recently, but the energetic match word of strategy. For me, the energetic match to that is a plan. And the plan is a lot of thought. And so what I found is the greatest way to collapse time is to take away all the thinking process, because it takes as long to think about something as it does to do something. So if you create a plan, it means you think about it before you do it, which means it takes double the time. So take away the time it takes to think, and you just do it. You just cut your time in half. So my strategy was to stop strategizing and to say, let me follow my sacral authority and see what happens. If I'm just like. And what happened is that I cut my life. I used to think 75% of the time. I would innovate at the speed of thought. I'd have a thought, and then I'd think about the thought and see if the thought could be better before I tried it. And then I'd think, no, there's a better way to do this thing. I can already think about it. And so let me think about how I could even make the thought better. When I stopped doing that, I did things, and then I made those things better, and then I did refinement instead of strategy. So it's like two different ways, two different pathways to business strategy or refinement. And I'm a really great person to lead this movement because of the three in my design. So the three is a trial and Error kind of thing. Right. And so that three line is very good at making mistakes and figuring things out. So I figured this out, but it works for all my clients. It doesn't matter. They don't need to have a three design in order to try it. It's just that it was the creation of the three line in me that created it. So what I found for me is that once I've done something and it worked, I look at how can, how can my team help me do this again and better refinement? So I do it once and then we refine it. And so if at first, the first time I'm doing something, it's like I, I have this idea, I want to do a launch. It's one o' clock in the morning. When I decide to do it, I go live, I make a. I make a post and I say, if you need a link, let me know. I manually make the link and then I'm giving people links in the comments and it works. Well, how can I refine that process? Well, if instead of a one o' clock in the morning, I pace myself and instead I tell my team, I write to all my team and I say, for tomorrow I need this link. I'm going to be posting a post around this time. If we can get the team involved so people can be given links with me, I'm going to go live tomorrow. And so, oh, now I've got support and there's less of me being there giving links at 2 o' clock in the morning. So it's a refinement process. So what feels right right now? Okay, go. And then how do I make it better as opposed to, I have an idea. How do I make it perfect? What would I need? What should my team do? Which all is already too long, Like I've already spent more time figuring it out than I would have to just do it. And so that has been the difference for me. Refinement versus strategy.
So you have. So your team does a lot of refinements for you based on things that you've already done, which were based on things that you just instinctually wanted to do?
Yes.
Great.
Then I also know it works. I never asked my team to do something I don't, I know doesn't work. It all works because I've done it. And so they're not also in a situation where they've got to try things. And because the thing is, it's the entrepreneur that's really good at trying things. The employee is not. The employee feels very Bad with failure, the employee feels very bad with stress and not knowing. And so if I give my team the responsibility to create a strategy, they are terrified of making a mistake. We're going to go so slow, but if I, with all of my courage and my willingness to take a risk, go and figure out how to do it, and then I get my team on board to do what I've done, that's been tested, and they just got to do what already works, they're confident, I'm confident, I'm grateful, they're happy. The whole energetics are so much greater. And so that has. For me, that has been the greatest thing. It's been so much easier to do it this way. I know it works. I know I'm in alignment with it. And then they just come and support.
So is there ever a time where you feel like you have something that worked? Kind of like you're like, oh, that was. Didn't maybe, like, hit the numbers. I was hoping it would hit or didn't. Like, not as many people attended or whatever, but it worked to a degree that it's still worth having them refine.
Mm.
Yeah, this is. This is honestly how I think I'm here is because of all the refinement we've done over time, things that we've tried, because a lot of people try something and then say, that didn't work. I'm going to try something else. And that is that stop and go energy. So it's kind of like, for me, the equivalent of I'm baking cookies, I open the oven, they're raw, so I throw them in the garbage. It's like you realize you could have just closed the door and waited about five minutes. It's like, oh, I didn't realize they were raw, so I just threw them away. Like, raw isn't the same as burned. Raw means you can put them in again. And so what I've seen for myself is nothing has ever burned. It's just raw. They're not ready, they're not good enough, but they're not burned. They're raw. They just need more time. They need more refinement. So every single thing that happens in my world, if it's like this, still has the potential to be good. I'm going to find what we need to do to make it good. Like, what was missing? What was good about this? I always ask myself, what was really good about this that I would do again? What was not good about this that I would not do again? And, like, what is the difference what Are we doing differently? And we constantly innovate. Innovate and refine. And so our work, our same body of work is getting better and better and better, which means the team is getting more and more and more connected and understanding to it. It's like part of us now, this fundamental work that keeps getting better and better with time. And I'm not in this. Like, this didn't work. I'm going to try this. This doesn't work where I get so exhausted. It's just like all of this worked and this didn't let me tweak that. And the refinement process has just a lighter energy, I find.
And your team, you feel like your team then doesn't feel like it's failing. Like, if it's like a refinement in those ways. And do they bring to the table all their ideas for refinement too? It seems like your team is really great.
Yeah.
That they come to the table with refinement ideas and does that. Then do you at that point kind of let them run with some of those things?
Yeah.
So the first thing about my team that I'm so grateful for is how much they believe in me. Like, they. Even if I'm doubting something, they're like, you're gonna figure it out. Like, we have no fear. And that is so good. The other thing is I chose a team that has worked with companies that have been very successful in the past, meaning they are used to million dollar numbers. Like, they've worked in hotels or huge companies where these numbers don't feel weird to them. They've worked with big numbers before. And so Alpha femme hitting these numbers doesn't feel to them like I'm used to being in a company that makes 50 grand, you know, like, I don't. I've never heard these numbers before. Like, they're able to understand these numbers. And so for them, they don't even conceive the possibility that failure could ever happen in our brand. It's too solid, it's too beautiful. The people are too good, the vision is too good. I'm too good. They're too good. Like, nothing's gonna fail, nothing's going to burn. It's just raw. That's really the feeling for the whole team. And so if something isn't working great or could work better, they are so excited to tell me because they know that anything they tell me that could make it better, if it works, I'm going to be so happy. Plus, the whole. The whole team wins every time. There's a win for the company. And so any good idea, they're so happy to be like, I have an idea. You know how this is happening? And this is happening. Yeah. What if we tried that? This is a great idea, you know, and sometimes it's like, do you want to create something? And I'll. I'll refine it. And they're like, yes, I'll put something together and then you can refine it. And so their leadership ideas, I ask them to do something with. So I won't be like, oh, thank you for your idea. Now I've got to add an extra thing of work. I'll be like, that's a great idea. Do you want to show me what you would do with it? Flesh it out, Give me a plan. And they're like, yes. And then I refine that. Teamwork, teamwork, teamwork. But everything is just undercooked, never burned. Nothing is broken, nothing has failed. It is just not ready yet. It is a little under seasoned. It is never too much. And that is the thing also with the energetics of business, is you don't go overboard. You know, those of you who did fempire with me, when I say overdoing it over, does it over seasoning, you can't fix as well as under seasoning. Overcooked, you can't fix as well as undercooked. And so I prefer to go with trusting in the universe and not overdoing things to try to be good enough, but instead doing my energetic best and seeing what that matches and then tasting it and being like, oh, this needs a little more spice. This needs a little more this. Instead of going overboard and being like, oops, I overdid it. Then it's scrapped. We've got to start it all over again. So that trust really helps us. Being able to add, Add more energy, add more love, add more flavor, add more seasoning, add more time to the cooking. All that can be fixed. But when you overdo it, that's when you get burnt out.
Great.
This is so perfect. This is exactly what we need to hear.
Good. I'm so happy. Thank you for these questions.
That's so good.
Thank you. Thank you. Ok. I'm just wondering if Genevieve might be here, because I think she said she also had something in Unity, like a riff or something. Do you guys see Genevieve Rackham in this room? She's there. If not, I'll have a closing statement for you.
Hi, I'm here.
Ah, there you are.
I was like, hi. It wouldn't let me unmute And I was like, I'll just wait. Alpha team will unmute me.
They got her back.
I know. I was like, I don't even have to do anything. They're so on it. Hi. Okay, I'll try and be fast. First, I want to say I thought initially I was going to come on here and ask you, like, completely different question. That's always how it works. But I just feel so good, so on fire. Like, everything feels so, like, squeaky clean in my world. Like, I feel like things are popping off, and it feels so good. So thank you for all of your love and support around that. So I do have a question slash vibe I want to feel into with you around, keeping my energy fully open to what I'm available for financially. And I know there's this sensation that sometimes occurs for me where it's a subtle contraction when I start to, like, feel momentum. And it's not momentum in general, but it's like, a lot, a lot, a lot of momentum. Because I feel like right now, I feel in my system, like I'm like, would not be surprised if I had, like, a $500,000 month, you know? Like, I. I feel it. And then when the momentum starts happening, that's like, in alignment with numbers that I'm like, never really thought I could ever do on one level. On another level, I'm like, of course, to the moon, my system kind of goes a little bit.
Yeah. So this. My intuition, and tell me if this is completely off base, is to ask you, like, when in your life did something really great turn into something real bad, real fast?
Oh, God. I just spit a little bit. Sorry. Honestly, it's like, not having anything specific come to mind. Thank you. But it. It does feel like there's these subtle feelings of, like, I really, really trust myself. I know I could handle things. But there's like a. It's like a tiny little. Little, like, just niggle in the back of my head that's like, what if it got so big and maybe I couldn't handle it? Or what if it got so big and I didn't know how to, like, keep holding it or it left or. I don't know. Like, there's just something that's like, it's barely there. It's barely there. And it used to be, like, not. It used to be, like, a thing, and now it's just like, oh, it's just a tiny little thing sometimes. You know?
Here's another one then.
Who are you protecting?
Who are you protecting by not being better?
Oh, My God, Melanie, I. It's a. It's a feeling in me that's like, it's gonna. Oh, this is so interesting. I did not expect this. You, like, can find it. You're so good at this. It's this feeling of like it's gonna take me away from my family. Wow.
So you feel like the potency of that though, it's like it comes in and just like it just. It just takes over. Right. So if you keep the big month at bay, you don't even need to think about that. Like, that might not even be true. It may not even happen. But by not having the big month, you're making sure you don't even need to think about it. And so you protect yourself from all that by having a six figure month instead of a multiple six figure month, by having a million dollar year instead of a $5 million year. Because they can handle this much and it's already not easy. There's already little wobbles. So. Oh gosh, like, at least let's keep. Let's not even think about what would happen if I was even better.
Oh, wow. Yeah. I think it really is this, this big feeling for me because I know, ladies, inside unity. And you know, like, I've brought some stuff in about my family and I think underneath it all there's like this deeper feeling of, like, feeling like my.
Family.
Doesn'T want me to be that successful, you know?
Okay, so let's just think about this for a second. Let's just play a game of like, just, just for a second imagine what would happen if all of a sudden a person in your family, when you were really, you were not, like, you were not successful the way you are now, you were trying, you were hoping, you were wishing, and all of a sudden someone in your family became really rich. Although there's a part of you that would be happy for them because you love them. How would you feel about you.
About me, if someone in my family randomly.
Got like super rich while you're trying and it's not quite exactly working?
About myself, I hadn't even thought about that, actually. I'm just kidding. I always think about that with my twin sister. I'm like, if she did that, I would be. I would feel so happy for her and also excited for myself.
Excited because it would feel like if they can do it, you can do it.
Yeah.
Yeah. So what hurts the most is that when we are the kind of people who believe, if you can do it, I can do it, we have a very hard Time understanding when people feel like, how can you do that when I can't? Because that's not the way we process things. So it hurts so much when we're doing good and someone else just doesn't feel just good about it. Because it's like, if this were you, I'd feel happy for you and excited for me. But the difference is you're you. You believe in you. Other people succeeding as evidence for you. When someone does not quite believe in themselves, other people succeeding is not evidence. It's possible for them. It's evidence of another person who's more capable. And so what's going to be that? I think the gateway to this is absolute compassion for your family. Like, the greatest, highest level of compassion for your family, that they don't have the peace where your success makes them realize they could have anything. The piece where instead, although they're happy for you and they are, they love you and they're proud of you and they're happy for you, but beyond that, how they feel about themselves is they're not good enough. And that overrides the joy for you.
Yeah. Yeah. So powerful. Yeah. Because I really feel. And this is why, like, I am so obsessed with, like, the. The work around money and, like, why I wrote a freaking book on it, you know? But it's like the. There's so much purpose in here for me because there is such wounding in my family and specifically, like the women in my family on my mom's side, where they just feel radically incapable, radically, like, disempowered financially, all the things. And there's almost like this feeling of, like, if I really, really go for, like, there are certain levels that feel like comfortable levels of success. Right? Like six figure, month, million dollar year, like, whatever. And then it's like 5 million, 10 million, you know, it's really just like, okay, that's both feet all the way. All the way in, you know, and it's like, would my. Would my family like. It would be like this idea of, like, me fully separating from my family with that almost.
So I want to give you another perspective.
Okay.
What if you only actually crack the code with them, for them when you achieve your potential? So you holding back doesn't teach them anything. So instead of the mindset of, like, I'm only doing this much and this is bothering them, imagine if I did this much, if it's like, it won't even count until I'm all in. They don't change until I'm all in. Because I can tell you the year I celebrated a million dollars, my mom did not even believe me. She would. She told me later. She was like, that night we celebrated the million, I thought, oh, no, my daughter is a liar. What? Like, she. I was celebrating this, and her mind, she was like, that didn't happen. But now that it was a $25 million year, now she's doing the moonwalk in the living room, and she's like, I don't know how to be a millionaire, but I know how to make one.
Like, now.
Now she gets that. But it took all in from me. I needed to believe in me more than anything for her to see it. And what it did, is it set entire family for free? Everyone believes in different things now.
Oh, I feel, like, tingling in the back of my neck. That's so weird. This feel like. I feel like a shift in, like, my body. My body. I love that when I go all in and I really let it blow up, like, in a really big way. I will set my family free in that. Because, like, this tiptoeing back and forth is not really cracking them open.
And, like, you're still protecting them, which means you're operating from their lack of power. So how can you set them free when you're protecting their lack of power? You would have to believe in their power to be set free and then.
To set them free. Wow, this is incredible because, like, that's. That's what I want. And I'm really realizing, like, being in your world, too, and just like, the conversations we have are. Are different because it's like when you're making. When you're going for those kinds of numbers, it's really like, we're not just creating wealth for ourselves. It is for our families and for other people and what we can do with it and all these things. And so it's like, naturally. And of course, I thought I was coming on here for a different type of conversation, and then it was like, no. Burst into tears in front of everyone.
On the Zoom call.
Let's talk about family, because this is such a. This is a thread, but this is. This is it. Thank you. I love you. I love you. I love you.
I love you so much. So much. So much. All right, so, ladies of the mentor program. That was beautiful. I would have you look today, sit with yourself and ask yourself, who are you protecting? Is there anything. Is there any one of you being. If you are a little less of what you can be, someone else is more comfortable? You may be afraid for your spouse. Will your spouse be uncomfortable if you out earn. How about your parents? Is it something like you can't make more than your parents have made? Like, is there something there for you where there's someone that you admire and look up to? Is it even your mentor? You are afraid of making more than your mentor or your coach? Like, there is something that would be so scary to override and you are trying to protect them somehow when in fact you would set everyone free completely. You would just set everyone free if you set yourself free from all that. So take a moment to feel into that today. I want to thank you so, so much for another beautiful, powerful calling. So grateful for you. I'm going to break the session now because I've got my unity call with my mastermind ladies and I'm very excited about that. But thank you for today. I love you. You're beautiful. You smell nice. And I will see you tomorrow.
Sa. I am a business artist and I.
Have people become wildly successful at their own craft. We are revolutionizing entrepreneurship.
