Dealing with Criticism

Hi everyone, and welcome to another episode of Hannah Talks About Things. So I woke up this morning and in response to the self-centered fear video about fear of what people think, etc., I wanted to post like a very real update about walking through criticism and shame and people being kind of assholes. And so I figured the most empowering way for me to do that is also make a video about it. I know often I'm making videos about things that I have worked through and then I teach and lecture on and present and all that, but the reality is this stuff still comes up a lot. Lot. So yesterday, or maybe 2 days ago, I, you know, paid for a promotional ad for one of my videos just to get more, you know, like viewers and hopefully like help more people. Um, and of course, you know, there's this great quote that says like, who you are on the internet and who you are in real life are not two different people, like please be kind. And I love that quote. I think I just butchered it. But, um, so of course, kind of as expected, but walking through like shame and people being assholes and criticism is so much easier said done. And I had just done this video about fear of what people think, and no one on this planet thinks about us as much as we think about ourselves, etc. But the reality is, so I open up, um, Facebook and I have a bunch of notifications from like random people that I don't know that commented on that video, and they were mean. I mean, like mean comments. Uh, one of them was— and I deleted them right away. I wish I didn't so I could like just keep them up there and like acknowledge the discomfort. But somebody wrote— and especially like, I mean, it really harped on one of those like biggest insecurities of like, I'm young, what do I have to share, etc. And this guy, I'm assuming from England, commented, uh, she's still got cradle marks on her arse, like what does she know about life? And I was like, oh my God. And someone else commented, nobody cares, love. And then someone else posted a meme of like cavemen kind of evolving to current-day man, but the current-day man is facing the caveman and says, "Turn around. We fucked things up." And I was just like, "Ahh." And like those were the only comments. And so it's interesting because again, like I really, really convinced myself at times that like, listen, what you think of me doesn't affect me and I'm not still going to be thinking about, you know, criticism. It doesn't affect my self-worth, etc. And then like this morning, my first response was like, delete these comments and then just sitting in like shame and insecurity. And I think it's really important to talk about that and like identify that we can teach this stuff for a living and we can really feel strong and empowered and self-worth at times, but that doesn't mean that those shame trains, like those narratives aren't going to come back up. And it's important to acknowledge them and walk through them and say, okay, I see you. Like, just because I'm feeling this discomfort and this kind of like weight on my chest of like fear and inadequacy and insecurity doesn't mean that I'm a fraud. It means I'm a human being, and how can I really walk through that and acknowledge it and stay vulnerable? And it reminds me of the Theodore Roosevelt quote, um, you know, it is not the critic who counts. And the quote is The Man in the Arena, that's the name of it, and I don't know it by heart, but it's something along the lines of, you know, it's not the critic who counts, the person who, you know, laughs at the doer of deeds. Essentially, like Why am I creating space for people sitting behind a computer screen or who are not also putting themselves out in this arena? Which is like super uncomfortable. If you go to my Facebook page or my YouTube channel and look at the first video I ever made from a couple months ago, I am like freaking out. I'm like, I'm really uncomfortable. I'm going to take off my glasses because I don't like want to look at the camera. And it's so— and like, it's only been a couple months and I'm like, hey, what's up? I'm going to make another video. Am I in sweatpants? You betcha. The reality is like, it's not the critic who counts. And, and, you know, I don't want to ask directions from someone who's never been there. And so keeping that in mind, if you are trying to put yourself out in some way of being vulnerable or like whatever it is, the people that are mocking you or criticizing you or judging you or talking shit about you, are they also willing to put themselves in this arena, or are they sitting on the sidelines and judging. And I have to remember that when I'm doing the same thing, right? Like when I'm judging someone for being judgmental, I'm no better. I'm still judging. And so it's just important to identify and walk through. And for me, making this video right now is an important kind of practice for me to also stay accountable. Like I can talk a great game, and I don't believe that it's inauthentic, but when a lot of what I talk about in these videos goes out the window in an instant and I just feel insecure and inadequate, I want to acknowledge that too. Like, it's okay to not be okay all the time. It's okay to have a shitty experience and feel kind of like bruised and beaten down, you know? And if you're watching this and thinking like, get over it, it's just a comment, like, okay, I hear you, but things also affect people in different ways. And like, I don't know, even just making this video and acknowledging it and talking about it out loud, it's like, yeah, of course that affects me. Like, Of course it does. And how I walked through that was I deleted the comments and then I sat with it and felt really shitty. And then I talked about it with someone in my home. And then I was making another video about how to find a therapist. And as soon as I finished it, I was like, I'm going to make a video about what just happened too. Because Brené Brown has a great book called Rising Strong, and it's about how to get back up after you've fallen down and that living openheartedly and wholeheartedly means we're gonna get our our asses kicked. She says that all the time. We're gonna get our asses kicked, but it's what we do with it. Can we get back up? Can we say, all right, wow, like, there are people that think I am an absolute joke of a human being, and that's okay because I know my worth today. And sometimes that worth is eclipsed with shame and inadequacy, but for the most part, that worth will keep shining through. And I'm not gonna just sit back and be like, I'm gonna wait 10 years until I am older and people think that I have something to offer. Like, I'm not gonna do it. Ah, goddamn, I feel good now. Anyway, um, hmm. It is Thanksgiving week. That's cool. If at any point anyone wants a specific topic to be written about or talked about or you, you know, are struggling with something, like, feel free to reach out. Send me an email. It's the best way. I don't really respond to Facebook messages because up until a couple minutes ago when I re-downloaded Facebook, I'm gonna delete it off my phone again. And so I only really check Facebook from browsers. But send me an email, it's hannaheliserose@gmail.com. So that's H-A-N-N-A-H-E-L-I-S-E-R-O-S-E@gmail.com. And if there's a specific topic that you want me to potentially make a video on and talk about, like get vulnerable, advocate for yourself, like ask for what you need. This is why I do this. Like I obviously don't make any money from making these YouTube videos. Yet? Question mark? Probably just won't make any money. And like that's okay, I'm doing this because I want to reach more people and hopefully have them identify with like, wow, it's okay to not be okay. Everything I'm experiencing is normal and it's possible to walk through it. And that's pretty badass. Okay. Happy Thanksgiving week. Bye.