Facebook Live Q&A

Ah, I'm live! All right, hello friends. Um, so this video is going to be saved to my Hannah Rose LCPC Facebook page when I'm done. So I actually deleted this event. I woke up today and felt super overwhelmed and self-conscious and embarrassed and just like not at all about it, and so I deleted it and I was like, I'm not gonna go live. Um, but Here I am. I went to work today and I came back and I was watching The Office for a while and I decided, alright, you know what, I said I was gonna do this, so I'm just gonna do it. I think if I really play the tape through, my biggest fear is that no one is gonna tune in. And the cool thing is it's been 43 seconds and no one has tuned in and like I'm still okay. So what I'm gonna do is just answer some of the frequently asked questions. Whenever I post a a video, which is a new thing for me, or whenever I write a new article, which I've been doing pretty, pretty consistently since 2017, maybe. What's up, Dr. Crone? Um, so I'm going to talk about the most frequently asked questions, which first and foremost, one of them is, you know, what degree do you have, what licensure do you have, and how do I get that? So for me, um, what I did was I was a psychology major at Goucher College, so I did a 4-year bachelor program Bachelor of Arts, maybe. And after that, I took a year off and I worked in restaurants. I worked at Texas Roadhouse, and then I pursued my master's degree in clinical mental health counseling. And for that degree, I went to Johns Hopkins, which is like a miracle. And so that's it. I mean, that's the schooling, right? I did a 4-year bachelor's program in psychology, which isn't actually necessary to get further licensure. You can just have a bachelor's degree, period, in anything. You know, a lot of the people that were in my master's program didn't actually have a bachelor's degree in psychology. They had bachelor's in maybe like history or writing and all these other things. So, so that's what I did— bachelor's in psych, year off, and then a 2-year full-time master's degree in clinical mental health counseling. So there's a lot of different routes that you can go if you're interested in pursuing counseling. I know a lot of my peers, um, specifically people who are in recovery, are really interested in working in the treatment world, so working with other people in recovery. And you don't actually need your master's degree to do that. Um, depending on the treatment center or the agency or wherever it is you're interested in working, you can also just have a chemical dependency certificate. So the letters there are CSCAD. Clinical Supervised Counselor Alcohol and Drug, maybe. So that requires, I believe, an associate's degree and then like a certificate. Um, so that's one way of doing it. You can also do a master's degree part-time. You can do a master's degree full-time. I worked in restaurants and just did 2 years full-time all the way through, so that was cool. But if you're interested in being a therapist, so a clinical mental health therapist, there's still a couple different routes to go. So like I said, I did a 2-year master's in mental health counseling. I have friends that have done the 2-year program for school counseling, which is 48 credits, and then you can take an extra 12 credits after that to become a licensed clinical professional counselor. So this is a whole lot of things, and if you're not interested in pursuing counseling, then like you can just skip this part unless you're watching it live like the one person who's currently watching. Who is a psychologist at Ashley Addiction Treatment where I work. Thank you for being here. If you are not interested in being a therapist, cool, but if you are, getting— completing school isn't— hey, Vince— is not the end of it. So you can get your bachelor's degree and your master's degree, but then you still need to get licensed in whatever state you're in. So I live in Maryland, so I took the Maryland State Counseling Exam. Exam, which is called the NCE, the National Counselor Exam, maybe. And, uh, that's what I did. So then you get licensed, and then you're a licensed graduate professional counselor for 2 years or 3,000 hours, and you need 100 hours of supervision. And then you apply for your LCPC, which is licensed clinical professional counselor. So basically, if you're interested in becoming a therapist or a counselor and you want to do the least amount of school possible, you can become an addiction counselor, CSCAD, and then you'll be a CACAD. Hey Brittany! And, or if you want to be a therapist and you want to do more school, or like a medium level of school, you can do a bachelor's and then master's, which is what I did. And if you want to be a psychologist, then you need to get a doctorate. So you can either get your PhD or your PsyD, which is a psychology doctorate. So, um, I applied for a PsyD at Loyola earlier this year and got rejected. Um, I suggest that you study for the license— the exam to get in, kind of like the SAT but for graduate school, so the GRE. I just didn't study at all. Um, so you can become a psychologist, and then if you want to be in this profession and prescribe medication, then you would be a psychiatrist and you have to go to med school. So that's kind of the breakdown. Of that. So that is my schooling, and that is probably the most, the most frequently asked question that I get is like, I want to, I want to do what you do, how do I become a counselor? So that is the short-ish— it took 5 and a half minutes for me to get all that out— that is the short version. So other questions that I receive often that don't have to do with licensure and school are more about vulnerable issues. So How do you walk through emotional pain? You know, how did you get through this breakup? How do you deal with grief? Especially, you know, working in the addiction field, that's a really common one. You know, how are you able to write about really personal things and then like live with yourself? Ooh, I got a text, sorry. So those are the questions I get often, and so essentially like my blog hannahlicerose.com, addresses a lot of those things. The most common topics that I talk about are shame, you know, guilt is I feel bad, shame is I am bad. Those are two really different processes. Heartbreak, probably like the most common human emotion. Fear, fear and self-esteem, those are really, really big ones. You know, how do you walk through fear? How do you get more self-esteem? And so if you're interested in learning more about this stuff, like, again, I kind of write the way I speak. It's just like word vomit. Hey Alex, I miss you so much. Wow. And so again, that website is HannahEliseRose.com, but I also think that sometimes you can read an article and it's just not the same as like seeing it in person. And for me, it's like a new level of vulnerability being in front of a screen. I don't know if people are gonna like it or watch it. Again, like, I cancelled this Facebook Live event when I woke up this morning because I was just like, nope, that is way too vulnerable. That is a new level of discomfort. Hold, please. But I really kind of, as always, I really want to practice what I preach and step into the arena. Oh, that's really nice. Hi! Hi to Portland! I want to step out into the arena of discomfort and vulnerability, and essentially for me, that's this fear of being seen. And I think a lot of that for most of us can stem from a fear of being seen and then not being enough, right? Or what if I show my true self, whatever that may be, to another person and then that person leaves because I'm not good enough or I'm too much? I think that's like such a common human emotional process, and not just for women. I think a lot of times we get a really bad rep, women, for being, you know, emotional and hormonal, and the reality is that men experience all of these things too. Men experience shame and a fear of authenticity and a desire to belong and fit in and this almost toxic masculinity of like, what does being a man mean to me? And for me, I think when I was maybe like 25, 26, so this is like a couple years ago because I'm 28, I went through this almost identity crisis of individuation from my parents. And what that looks like was, who am I? What are my values? And what are my parents' values? And that was a really painful time for me because it was like, do I value higher education? Do I value being like cultured? Like, I don't care about museums and stuff. I tried. I don't. It's just not who I am. And it was this period of like existential— I'm gonna try to not swear— like an existential crisis of like, who am I? And so I think for a lot of us, we have this fear of being seen, but then at the end of the day, we don't even know who we are. Like, we don't know what's underneath that fear. And so that's why recently I've been uploading these videos. The first one is about shame, obviously, and then the second one is about why your relationships suck. And I could have easily reworded that to say why a lot of my relationships have been unhealthy or not fulfilling or not authentic or why I self-sabotage, but I did choose a very clickbait title. So I haven't uploaded the why your relationships suck video in its entirety. I just uploaded like a preview of it because my Significant other said, "Don't upload all your videos at once, like, space them out," and apparently that's good marketing. But I just want to share everything with the world, but I can imagine that I might overwhelm some people if I just start uploading these like half an hour videos about like getting really in depth with your psyche. Also, shout out to the 5 people that are tuned in right now. It is currently 3:08 PM on Sunday, and I believe there's some golf, uh, event going on right now. So thanks for being here. Um, and let me take another sip of this. So as there are 5 of you present, if you do have any questions or any topics that you want me to touch on right now, feel free to comment and let me know. What I'm doing right now is kind of going off on a tangent about frequently asked questions because I'm live right now, which is really uncomfortable, and I don't really know, like what to do in this moment. And so I'm just talking, I'm just talking about whatever it is that's coming up for me. So like, if you have something you want to know— so more about myself because I don't know what else to talk about. So I recently started private practice and I work in Baltimore, Maryland at the Rotunda in Hampden, which is really cool. And what I cater specifically to in terms of specialties There's like general mental health for sure, but my— like what really revs me up and gets me passionate, as I'm sure some of you know from my articles and from my videos, are relationship problems, existential crises like lack of purpose, a lot of identity issues like who am I, what makes me me, what is my identity, is my identity contingent on my job or my relationship or my role in my family. The age range that I work with, um, typically the youngest is going to be in the teens, uh, probably like 14 at the very youngest, because my demographic is typically people around my age in their 20s and 30s, but also 40s, 50s, 60s. I don't really— outside of my scope of competence would be working in the geriatric community. There's just specific dynamics in that stage of life that I don't feel competent with therapizing with my level of training and certifications and stuff. So I'm also not a trauma therapist. I think it's really important that if you have any level of trauma, big T or little t, you seek out a clinician who has specific training with trauma. I think one of the most unethical things in my field is people treating a demographic of clients that they're not trained to work with. So be super mindful of that if you are seeking therapy, like, hey, 'Hey, are you comfortable treating X, Y, and Z?' Like for example, if you're networking and trying to find a really good therapist for you or for your friend, like make sure you're asking, 'Oh, does this person— is this person comfortable treating someone who is trans and really struggling with their identity?' Or, 'Is this person comfortable treating trauma or treating clinical depression?' Etc. That's really important. So, so far no one's asked any questions and I don't really know what to do from here on out. Yeah, I'm probably gonna end this Facebook Live kind of soon. I've been talking nonstop for 12 minutes and 50 seconds, which is not only awkward, but it's really scary. It's like, at least with a video, if I mess up, I can kind of delete it. Or if I'm writing, I write— like I said earlier, I write the way I speak, so I'll be like, ah, and then I can go back and delete it. But Facebook Live for me is just this new level of discomfort because I I am speaking from the heart and nothing is planned, but I'm also like, if my brain just stops working for a second, I don't know what to say, you're just watching and that's super uncomfortable. And now there's 7 people watching right now, which is like kind of a lot, I think, for me because it is a Sunday at 3 o'clock. Ooh, 6 people. I probably just made someone X out. It's totally fine. So basically this page, Hannah Rose LCPC, is marketing not just my private practice. So like, if you know people that need therapy, especially if they're in— actually, only if they're in the state of Maryland, because I do offer teletherapy, which can be over the phone, Skype, but they have to be in the state of Maryland. But I'm also a writer and a public speaker, and what that means is that I really want to start getting comfortable with the things that I'm uncomfortable with. So every single time I write an article and post it for for the world to see, I experience this massive level of like fear and discomfort and it almost feels like I'm raw and exposed and it's just like, "Oh, I'm so uncomfortable!" But every single time I've written an article, depending on the topic, that discomfort gets a little easier to deal with and it doesn't feel debilitating or paralyzing. And like when I made the video earlier this week about shame, that was a new level of discomfort. I was like really in my head about it for a little bit and then I just walked through it and that was awesome. And I feel like I'll probably feel similarly with this Facebook Live. It's like, now that I'm in it, it's fine. And I'm sure right when I end it, I'm gonna feel really raw and exposed and awkward and weird. And like, that's cool too. And what I started this Facebook Live with was talking about some of the frequently asked questions. And one really common one is like, how do you do that? Like, I always hear people say like, I wish I could do that. And I'm like, But like, you can. You can. And the narrative, "Oh, I can't do that. I could never do that," is so unhelpful, but it's also not real. It's just this construct that you've created, giving yourself this out, right? "Oh, I could never do that." Like, you— anyone watching this right now in the live or later has just as much of an ability to do whatever it is that you do admire, like writing something really vulnerable or speaking or sharing your truth in whatever capacity. Every single person is able to do that, but we construct these barriers. I know I reiterate the same thing, the same things every single time that I write a new article or post a new video. It's the same things, and it's that quote by the Persian poet Rumi, and it's, "Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you've built against it." Like, your task is not to go wait until you're comfortable enough to do something that's really scary. Your task is to look internally and say, what's blocking me from this? If you're like, God, I have such an intense story and I'd really love to share it with the world. Oh, I can't. Like, ask yourself, why can't I? Usually the number one thing is gonna be fear. Okay, so what is the fear? Is it the fear that it won't get any traction and it'll just fall flat? I've written articles that have gotten like maybe 20 views and I'm just like, ah, and I have to really look at that and be like, does that make or break this writing for me? Like, does my quality of writing depend on how many people read it? And sometimes I can easily say like, no, it doesn't. And sometimes I'm like, yes, it does. I need more likes because I'm a human being and I'm also a millennial and it's 2019 and social media is just like life ruining. Let me take a sip of coffee. Mmm, god, that's good. Woo! So basically, Your task is not to go find the perfect person to be with. Your task is to look internally and say, what's been blocking me from a healthy relationship? Your task is not to go, like, yeah, find the best outlet for you to share your truth, whether it's with people or in writing or in a video or whatever it is, right? Your task is not to go seek outside of yourself, in my opinion. Your task is to look internally and say, what is blocking me from this, right? I'm in recovery, and spirituality is a really huge part of that process. Not religion, not a belief in God, just a belief in something, right? And that's up to interpretation. And so for me, the barrier was not, uh, the 12 steps don't work, or like, God isn't real, which are all things that I believed. It's more like, okay, what's blocking me from connecting spiritually? Is it contempt prior to investigation? Is it my own relationship with the religion I was raised with that I don't feel connected to, right? Like, what's blocking me? It's not what's the problem with all of you and all of these things outside of me. Like when people say, "Oh, I want to go back to school, but I just suck at school. I just can't." Okay, well, deconstruct that a little bit. Like, why do you think you suck at school? Is it because when you were in school you did really poorly? Okay, so how long ago is that? Like, what was going on in your life? You know, like, what's changed since then? And usually the biggest barrier that blocks us from whatever it is that we want to accomplish or do is fear. And that fear is not something that we can just let go of. My least favorite piece of advice— I wouldn't call it advice, I just call it like fuckery. Ooh, I swore. Whatever. My least favorite thing that anyone can tell another person is like, yeah, just let it go. Like, thanks, super helpful. That's sarcastic. It's not helpful because if it was as easy as just letting it go, I would have. And so rather, we need to actually cultivate genuine empathy to connect with one another. Like, God, it sounds really hard. Like, I mean, this might be like a therapist question, but like, you know, why— like, why do you think it's so hard? You know, and just really being inquisitive and curious with each other instead of inadvertently shaming each other and saying, yeah, just let it go, get over it. You know, there's starving children in Africa. Like, I'm all about perspective, but there's such a thing as gratitude shaming, which is like, you should just be grateful you have a job. I remember feeling really stressed. Oh, this week I'm a little stressed. I'm working full-time at my job, but I'm also working part-time in private practice, and I'm commuting like all over the state of Maryland because I'm moving to Baltimore and I live 45 minutes north of Baltimore, and it's just like a lot right now, and I'm stressed about it. And I had the thought like, God, I want to talk to someone about how stressed I am, and I had this follow-up shaming thought of You shouldn't complain, you should just be grateful. Well, this faux positivity is not authentic, right? It's okay to be grateful and stressed. It's okay to be like really proud of the stuff that I'm doing and also struggle. Like multiple truths can exist. It doesn't have to be one or the other. And I think it's really important to allow ourselves to show up for any and all of our emotional processes. Okay, so it's been 20 minutes at this point, and again, I've just been talking nonstop for 20 minutes, so I'm gonna drink coffee and probably watch The Office so that I don't think about this Facebook Live. But for the 7 of you that are here right now, thanks for tuning in. Tell your friends, and if you're interested in hearing about a specific topic, seriously, like— oh wait, there's 7 comments that I didn't look at. Oh, I'm not done yet. Holy moly, I didn't know. I've never done this before. Okay, let's see. Starting from the top. Thank you, Diane. I love you too, Portland. Alex Deimos is my spirit animal. What's up? Shelby! Hey! Thanks for supporting me! Okay, Diane. Dealing with a breakup and can't seem to let it go. Ooh! This is like— I am— I don't know if I should be professional and not show my tattoos, but also this is my Facebook, so who cares? I don't know. So let's see, Diane. Ooh, ooh, ooh, I've got all these people writing things. Holy moly. This whole time I thought people were just watching and not saying anything, and I was really uncomfortable, but looks like you guys are saying stuff. So Diane, I'm dealing with a breakup and I can't seem to let it go. I broke up with him, but somehow my brain is playing tricks on me. I know time heals this. I'm about to go off, but I'm scared of the unknown. I'd be patient and wait if I knew I'd bump into my soulmate years from now. But it just sucks all around. Okay, so for those of you just tuning in, Diana's going through a breakup. I have so much experience with this in terms of walking through emotional pain, and I truly believe that heartache is like one of the worst kinds of emotional pain. This may piss some people off, but I've worked through a lot of grief, like with actual death, and I have found at different times breakups to be harder. Again, this might piss some people off. For me, because there's— it's this thing called ambiguous loss, and what that means is that I'm grieving you, but you're still alive. Like, you're still alive, and I see you on social media or in the world, and I know that you're still there. And it plays tricks on us, right? With death, it's so finite. I mean, we go through the stages of grief for sure, like shock and denial and bargaining, depression, anger, acceptance. But we go through those stages of grief with breakups too. The issue is when we're in the bargaining stage of grief, we are likely to create loopholes in our heads to return to that person. And we can know in our gut that we made the right decision with the breakup, but we return to that person. Why? Because being with something that we know, like comfort and stability to an extent, is better than the unknowns, right? If I knew when I was going to meet my soulmate, I would feel better. And that for me is where trust in the universe comes into play. So a couple things about what you said, Diane. I am a firm believer, and I wrote an article about this, that time does not heal all wounds. Time does not heal all wounds. I cannot stress that enough. I have been— I have gotten into a relationship in the past when I wasn't over another person, and like, time didn't heal anything at all. Distractions doesn't heal all wounds. Time doesn't do anything but pass unless we are courageous enough to lean into the discomfort of the unknown and our own raw, exposed self and walk through it and deal with it. So I, um, I went through a breakup like a lot of different times where I was the breakupper. And, you know, I think there's unique elements of pain that come with being the dumper or the dumpee. And I think a lot of times if we're the ones that make the decision to end the relationship, the general consensus is like, "Oh, you're lucky because you're the one that dumped them, so you must be fine." And it's like, no, because we can question it, we can feel badly, we can feel guilty, we can feel responsible for the other person's well-being and convince ourselves that we should really be with them because we just really want to save them. I mean, this is like— I could probably go on for 3 hours about relationships because it is my favorite topic. But basically, time does not heal all wounds. What heals our wounds is the ability to show up for the feelings. So for me, what has helped infinitely is for sure connection with something greater, for— it's like the universe, and trusting that I'm gonna be taken care of no matter what. And what that means is that like, even though I can't see the whole picture right now, if I'm trusting my gut and ending a relationship, then I know it's for the right thing. And I need to embrace that unknown of when I'm gonna find the next person. And get comfortable with not— yeah, with not knowing and with who I am. So a really integral part of my life— integral? Integral? I don't know— was in 2015, a therapist actually recommended that I take a full year off from dating. And I did not do it perfectly at all, and I don't believe that everyone needs to do this by any means, but for me, when I'm telling my story, like in the confines of a 12-step program, A huge— God, this blue light's really pissing me off. A huge part of my story is for me it was infinitely more difficult to take a break from dating and attention-seeking than it was for me to get sober from alcohol. And I don't know, for me I personally don't believe that that's talked about enough in the rooms, whether you're sober or not, or like maybe just in life. And what that means is that like my codependency, my need to be in a relationship and be validated by what people think of me, was so much stronger than any other, like, thing in my life. And so when I took that year off, um, I felt empty. And that is when I wrote my first article, and it's called "Why I'm Letting Go of Intentions" or something. And it was written in August of 2015, and I was in so much pain, and I didn't know what else to do. I felt like— at a certain point, I felt like, what's the point of anything? Like, if I'm not pursuing a relationship or in a relationship, what's the point? And it was so intense. And the second article I wrote is called "When We Seek Externally to Fill Internally." It's my favorite article I've ever written, I think, because I was— I've never been in that much pain, like, in my life. And I remember sitting at work just typing, and that article starts with me saying, like, I can't eat but I'm starving. And I don't know if it's a reflection of all of my failed relationships or if I have, like, real depression. I don't know what's going on. And it was the most pain I've ever been in, and I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. And so my outlet that saved me, besides therapy by the way, go to therapy, was writing. And I found strength in writing and I found connection in writing because the more honest I got about my emotional experience with my breakup, the more people I was able to connect with on a deep authentic level, which was so cool. So basically being scared of the unknown is normal. Time does not heal all wounds. Being in a clusterf in your brain after a breakup, even if you're the one that broke up with them, is normal. Be gentle with yourself. Try to cultivate total abstinence because the more we kind of like tap back into that relationship, even just as friends, the lie of "let's just be friends." You— this is my opinion— cannot be platonic friends with someone that you've slept with right after you broke up. Maybe you can, but like What? Okay. But it just sucks all around. You're not alone. The fact that you could even comment on this and share that is freaking huge and is a reflection of your strength and resilience. What's up, Lisa Walker, my best friend from Scotland? I love you. Okay, Alex: Lately I've been feeling the need to make changes in my life but haven't because I'm pretty comfortable and scared to do anything different. Miss you too. Miss you back. Okay, um, also so normal, so common, and you are not alone. I don't know if that's helpful to just be told like, "Your feelings are valid," but they are. What you're describing is probably one of the most common things I hear in a therapeutic setting. It's, "I want to make changes, but I don't know what that's gonna look like, and I'm scared." And so there's a couple different things you can do, right? Like, I can't just provide you with a solution by any means, because it's all about navigating through the unknown and like the kind of whitewater rapids of our psyche and our emotional ups and downs. But basically, to me, like, there's been times in my life where I haven't made changes until the pain was great enough that I was like forced to. And as I've gotten older, or as I've been sober longer, the main change for me has been I no longer wait until I'm in excruciating pain before I make changes. I probably still do with some things, but I don't— I don't think I do. And so I think it's important to look at what are the changes that I need to be making? What is my gut telling telling me? You know, like, what is this intuition saying? Is it I should go back to school? Is it my relationship isn't right for me? Those doubts, those like gut-level thoughts will not go away no matter how much you push them down and distract yourself. And I've done it, and it worked for a little while, but it always will come back up. Like, for me, I would rather in the past stay in a relationship that I knew I was kind of not invested in anymore than end the relationship because that was the unknown and that was terrifying. And in my experience, every time I've just taken a leap of faith and trusted my gut, I have 1000% landed on my feet and ended up infinitely in a better place than I would have ever been before. And I think that's the difference between doing what a lot of us do, which is like putting the mask on. Brené Brown— read all of her books— Brené Brown says we have a tendency to trade authenticity for approval. 'And I love that because for so much of my life I traded, right? Like I just sacrificed my authenticity, my authentic self for the approval of others.' And in her book Braving the Wilderness, she talks about how it's interesting because we all want this sense of belonging, but how can we ever truly belong if we're shoving down our authentic self and putting on a mask? So that's just the whole thing. Alex, I recommend that those changes you need to make in your life, like just You don't have to make all of the changes overnight, right? But start, like you have already by commenting, like start getting honest with yourself about what those changes are. Don't sell yourself short. In my video about shame, which is on this page, like further down, I talk about how we accept the love we think we deserve. We also accept the life that we think we deserve. So if I'm at like a shitty job and I'm not getting paid well and my coworkers are talking toxic and my friendships are shitty and my relationship is unfulfilling, I'm gonna accept all of that if at my core I don't believe I'm worthy of more. And so the real work, in my opinion, has to do with tapping into figuring out what am I worthy of? Do I believe that I'm worthy? Do I believe that I'm deserving? And if the answer is no, I gotta look at that because who says? Who says? Okay, I'm gonna keep scrolling. Diane, what books would you recommend about this topic? Oh, okay. Well, first of all, please go to my website because this is literally all I write about. If you go to HannahEliseRose.com, there's a tab that says writing, and there's stuff from 2015 to now, and I'm just like, here's all of my pain, but also here's some solutions that I have found along the way. I also recommend Brené Brown, and if you know me, you know that I talk about her a lot, but all of her research planted the seeds in me that like put me down this path where I can like develop my own opinions and kind of informal qualitative research about this stuff. But basically, her first book is called I Thought It Was Just Me, But It Isn't. That one's good. The Gifts of Imperfection is number 2, and that's good too. Daring Greatly is the first book I read of hers, and it's about vulnerability, and it's so good. And I read it in 2015 when I was in this like emotional black hole, and it changed my life. Like, so much of who I am today is based on how I grew and changed from that book. And daring greatly comes from the quote by Teddy Roosevelt, which I'm gonna butcher right now. Rather, I'm gonna paraphrase it. And he says, you know, it is not the critic who counts. And Brené says it's like, you know, the people trolling you on Facebook or the people behind the screen, like, they don't count. It is not the critic who counts, but it is the man in the arena who whose face is marred with dust and dirt and blood, and he fails over and over again, but he keeps getting up. And at least when he's failing, he's failing while daring greatly. And that's just a paraphrase of the quote. I would look up Teddy Theodore Roosevelt daring greatly quote because it's like, yeah, you know what, unless you're also in the arena putting yourself out there, your opinion doesn't matter to me. And that's been really freeing. So in terms of like what's blocking me, what was blocking me from living my truth was fear of what others thought. And at a certain point, that quote became really true for me. Like, it's not them— it's not the critic who counts, but it's the man in the arena. So like, if you're in the arena with me, your opinion means more to me. That's harsh, but it's true. If you're on the sidelines being like, "Wow, Hannah's so attention-seeking with these— with this stuff," which is not something anyone has said to my face, by the way. It's just something I can assume that people have said because that's an assumption, which might not be true, but I don't know. It's none of my business. It's really freeing. So Brené Brown's Daring Greatly changed my life. The book after that of hers is called Rising Strong, and it's about how to get back up after we've fallen down, right? After we've gotten hurt, after we got rejected, after we lost that job, how to get back up and continue living with an open heart. Such a powerful book. Rising Strong, Daring Greatly. My favorite, I think, is Braving the Wilderness. And she talks about— and this, Alex Browning, this has to do with what you were saying— Braving the Wilderness has to do with stepping into the unknown or the proverbial arena. And so Braving the Wilderness can be getting honest in your relationship. It could be getting honest at work and setting a boundary, right? Setting boundaries with family. It can be being willing to do this kind of introspective work. Like, that is braving the wilderness. And for me, it changed my life because that's the book where she really alluded to trading authenticity for approval. And I realized in how many friendships and dynamics I was doing that. And like, since I read that book— and this also sounds kind of harsh— my friend circle has gotten smaller and smaller and smaller. And a lot of— and like, I know that some people think like, oh, you got into another relationship, that's probably why. And I'm just gonna say this on Facebook Live, that's not why. I have actively detached from certain friends and groups of people, not because they're less than and not because they're sick or anything, but just I found that I wasn't able to be my most authentic self in those friendships. And that book, Braving the Wilderness, really helped me to start to detach and start saying no. Like, when someone or a group of friends are like, "Hey, let's do X, Y, and Z," like, I'm really comfortable being like, "No." And like, "No" is a complete sentence, which I still struggle with sometimes. But I'll be like, "No, I'm just really tired and I need to veg tonight." I was on the phone with my stepmom right before this, or like a couple hours ago, and she wanted to talk about some like pretty deep stuff and I was like, honestly, I'm really drained, like emotionally and physically I'm just kind of drained and I don't think I can like hold space for a deep conversation. And she was like, thank you for just telling me that. And I was like, cool. And she was like, cool. And we like set up a time to talk tomorrow. Like, that's cool and freeing. So Braving the Wilderness is phenomenal and then Dare to Lead, oh, it's like the cherry on top. Dare to Lead is her I don't know, like 6th or 7th book or something, and it's about bringing these principles into like a work setting and whether you're a leader, like a manager, or not, like how to lead, you know, which really planted some of the seeds for me to be willing to do this kind of stuff. Like I'm marketing myself as a private practice therapist, a public speaker, and a writer. Like what? But I do those things, so like that's who I am and that's pretty cool. Okay, so those are the books I recommend. Anything by Brené Brown. General book recommendation is The Codependent Guide to the 12 Steps. You don't need to be in recovery from alcoholism or addiction to get something out of this book. Holy moly, it's by Melody Beattie, B-E-A-T-T-I-E, and it's called The Codependent Guide to the 12 Steps. And don't just read it, write down your answers to the questions at the end of each chapter. It will change your life. For example, in chapter 1, Essentially, the first step is admitted that I'm powerless over others and that my life has become unmanageable. And what that means is like, I'm powerless over what you think of me, I'm powerless over what you choose to do or not do. And for me, admitting powerlessness over others is so much more difficult than admitting powerlessness over like, I don't know, like nicotine, which like I recently just quit vaping 34 days ago. Whoo, cold turkey! Oh no, I just dabbed on my Facebook Live. Whatever. So I forgot what I was saying, but another really great book that changed my life is called The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. It's tattooed on me forever. And The Four Agreements, he goes into detail on each one, are: be impeccable with your word, don't take anything personally, don't make assumptions, and always do your best. And that book changed my life. Okay, I'm gonna keep scrolling. Lindsay, yes to all of this. Thank you so much for supporting me. I appreciate you. Oh my god, people are joining! Liv, I appreciate your authenticity, resonating with a lot of what you're saying. Glad to see you living your passion. Thank you so much! God, I am fired up now. It's been 37 minutes and it feels like it's been not that long. There's no more comments that I know of. I tried to see if there's more and there's not. So I think if there are not any more comments, I'm gonna bring this to an end. This has been awesome. I really want to be doing more of these. I definitely value all of your engagement because again, like, I can write about and talk about what I think people want to hear, what I think is gonna be helpful, but at the end of the day, like, I'm doing— I mean, I'm doing this for me because it makes me pumped and excited, but I'm doing this because hopefully I can reach someone. Someone was saying to me the other day like, oh, you could really like capitalize on this. I'm like, yeah, my life goals would be to like do a TED Talk and write a book, multiple books, and that's all cool. And if I could make money doing what I love, that would be legit. But the reality is like me capitalizing on this, like doing a Facebook Live and making videos, is not my primary MO. My primary MO is to hopefully like— and this is why I do counseling, right? I just want to be able to do this on a much like broader scale where I get to reach people who didn't know that it's okay to not be okay, who didn't know that time does not heal all wounds. I want to reach people so that they give themselves permission to feel and be vulnerable and that their relationships are able to be more healthy as a result of the work that they've done. And the trickle effect of emotional health is like the most beautiful thing in the world. That's why I'm doing this. So if you're not comfortable like leaving a very public comment of like, this is what I've been struggling with, can you speak about this? Direct message me, right? Like send me a message, send me an email. It's HannahEliseRose@gmail.com. Thank you guys for being a part of this. It has been almost 40 minutes and the time has flown. I feel really like grateful and really privileged to kind of get to be on the front lines of some of your growth.. And I know that if there weren't people cheering me on when I was in the thick of it— and I'm still like, I still go to therapy, I still go to 12-step meetings, like I'm still trying to read stuff that helps me grow. It's not like I've just kind of made it, you know? Like I am not by all means like the picture-perfect, this person has it all together. And that's the thing is we'll inadvertently put people on pedestals that are able to speak from the heart. But if you truly listen, a lot of the stuff that I say and write about is the stuff that I'm struggling with constantly. Currently. And so right now that's a ton of the fear of the unknown, it's a ton of stress because I'm working every day, and it's also exciting and multiple truths can exist. So I'm just now coming up on 40 minutes, so I'm gonna end this video now. Thank you for being here and thanks for coming to my not formal TED Talk at all. Okay, bye!