How to Break Up with Your Phone

Hi everyone, and welcome to another episode of Hannah Talks About Things. So today I wanted to talk about the book that I've been reading that has been kind of changing my life called How to Break Up with Your Phone. So one of the things that Catherine Price, the author, asks in the beginning of the book is to identify— basically, no one's gonna like this. No one is gonna like this, but I'm just gonna go for it. So in the beginning, she talks about a test that the Smartphone Compulsion Test developed by Dr. David Greenfield, founder of the Center for Internet and Technology Addiction and Psychiatry, professor at the University of Connecticut School of Medicine. I'm from Connecticut. So it says circle the questions that apply to you. So just hang with me. You can make a little check mark for yes, or you can just listen. Um, do you find yourself spending more time on your cell or smartphone than you realize? Yes or no. Do you find yourself mindlessly passing time on a regular basis by staring at your cell phone? I'm just gonna say cell phone instead of cell or smartphone. Do you seem to lose track of time when on your cell phone? Do you find yourself spending more time texting, tweeting, or emailing as opposed to talking to people in real life? Has the amount of time you spend on your cell phone been increasing? Do you wish you could be a little less involved with your phone? Do you sleep— do you sleep with your cell phone turned on under your pillow or next to your bed regularly? Do you find yourself viewing and answering texts, tweets, and emails at all hours of the day and night, even if it means interrupting other things that you are doing? Do you text, email, tweet, Snapchat, Facebook message, or go on Instagram while driving or doing other similar activities that require your focused attention and concentration? Even if you're at a stoplight? Do you feel your use of your cell phone decreases your productivity at times? Do you feel reluctant to be without your cell or smartphone even for a short period of time? Do you feel ill at ease or uncomfortable— ill at ease, okay— do you feel ill at ease or uncomfortable when you accidentally leave your phone in the car or at home, have no service, or have a broken phone? When you eat meals, is your cell phone always part of the table place setting? When your cell phone rings, beeps, or buzzes, do you feel an intense urge to check for texts, tweets, emails, updates, and so on? And last one, do you find yourself mindlessly checking cell phones, your cell phone, many times a day, even when you know there's likely nothing new or important to see? This is not on here, but my favorite is when I open up an app and I exit out and immediately open the same app again, and I'm like, what am I doing? Here's how Greenfield interprets people's scores. If you said yes to 1 to 2, of them, your behavior is normal, but that doesn't mean you should live on your smartphone. If you answered yes to 3 or 4 of them, your behavior is leaning towards problematic or compulsive use. If you answered yes to 5 or above, it is likely that you may have a problematic or compulsive smartphone use pattern. And my favorite, if you answered yes to 8 or higher, or if you're like me, if you answered yes to literally every single one, you might consider seeing a psychologist, psychiatrist, or psychotherapist. 'who specializes in behavioral addiction for a consultation.' She then says, 'If you're like most people, you've just discovered that you qualify for a psychiatric eval. I mean, come on, the only way to score below 5 on this test is to not have a smartphone.' So she does normalize it. Again, if you're interested, the book is called How to Break Up with Your Phone by Catherine Price. And I just wanted to talk a little bit about my experience. So when I first started reading this book, the first half is about studies and, um, like scientific evidence that shows what our smartphone use is doing to us. So the way that every single time my phone lights up, dopamine is released, and it's this habit, and it's picking it up, and it's mindless. It's like I bring it to the bathroom with me, I bring it on a walk, I bring it to work, I bring it everywhere with me without even thinking about it. So the first half of the book is just inundating you with information about what this is doing to our brains on a neurological level. It also talks a lot about, about what this is doing to us emotionally and mentally, and my favorite topic of all time, what it's doing to our interpersonal relationships. If you're like me, you would much prefer to text than to talk to someone on the phone or in person. If you're like me, I mean, even when I started my private practice, I said on my voice message, you know, if you are a new client, please email me at HannahElyseRose@gmail.com, as in don't leave a voicemail, I'm not going to call you back. That is absurd. I mean, I say that it's absurd, but in my head I'm like, yeah, that makes sense. If you're like me, you only order food from restaurants where you can do it on an app instead, or online, like on a menu. Online rather than calling them and actually speaking to another human being. And so what's happened is we are the most connected population of people in history, but also the most isolated. If you're anything like me, you'll spend so much time scrolling through Facebook and Instagram inadvertently comparing yourself and your life to the highlight reel of millions and millions and millions of people. I'm not saying that phones are inherently bad. There are a lot of really great things about having a phone. I use Waze, the GPS, often. It's really great to have Google at my fingertips to just look something up, and it's a really wonderful way to stay connected to people. But I've realized just in the last week or so, not having Snapchat, Instagram at all, and then not having Facebook on my phone, so I have to go to a browser on a computer to check it. I could do it on my phone, but that's just like going opening Safari. It's just like, it's a speed bump, like Katherine Price talks about. It's a speed bump that actually forces you to look at Well, what am I doing? Now in the past, if you know me, you'll know that there are many times that I've deactivated Facebook and I've just been like, "I'm going off the grid." But that kind of all-or-nothing extremist thinking wasn't helpful to get me to a place of total abstinence or even a healthy breakup with social media. So it went from compulsively using Facebook all of the time to deactivating and being off the grid completely. It's fine if you're deactivated and off the grid completely, but for me it was very all-or-nothing extremist. And one thing I really like about this book is it has kind of helped me to say, Yeah, like I can check Facebook if I want to, but I can check it from a computer and my browser, and it's not gonna be something compulsive I do all of the time. The other thing I've noticed is I am so much less resentful in general. So I was looking at every single person that I follow, their Instagram story, their Snapchat story. I look at the Snapchat map, and I was doing all these things without thinking about it. So in between a client, boom, pick up my phone and start scrolling. And in my mind, that meant It was helping me to destress and just tune out. But it actually wasn't. Fear of missing out, FOMO, is something that is so pervasive, specifically due to social media. In the last week, I don't think I have thought once, "Oh, I'm missing out," at all. In the last week, I have not been judging and thinking about other people's lives based on what they post or don't post. One of my biggest pet peeves is when people are in emotional pain and then post about how great their life is. So for example, someone is really struggling with, um, their body image. And so they overcompensate by posting pictures of themselves in a bathing suit with some kind of caption like, I really miss summer. And in my mind I'm like, it's so obvious what you're doing. But why is that a pet peeve of mine? Right? Why is that an emotional trigger? And I believe it's because there have been so many periods of time where I've done the same thing. Where I would be insecure in a relationship, so I'd post tons of pictures because the more likes I got, the better I felt about the relationship. I remember someone said to me the other day, like, "Oh, so-and-so is in this country," but I genuinely don't know if they went to the country to travel or to just post pictures of themselves in said country. Now I have a trip to Thailand coming up, and I'm not gonna lie, my first thought when I was deleting these apps off my phone was like, "But how am I gonna post about Thailand when I'm there?" And it really made me think, like, what is my motive for doing things? Like, what is my motive for, like, having a fun date or hanging out with friends or going to another country and exploring? And part of that motive is I want to post about it. You can easily say, well, I just want to share it with the world. Sure, sure. But honestly, for me, at certain points, when I'm honest with myself, it gets to the point of If I don't post about it, is it real? Does it matter? And you may be like, wow, Hannah, that's really messed up. Or you may be like, yup. I encourage you the next time you're doing something fun or exciting or like Instagram-worthy, like try not posting about it. What would it be like to experience something and not send a Snapchat of it? It's wild how insidious this has become. And so the second half of the book is a 30-day how-to break up with your phone and then get back together, but in a healthy relationship that's on on your terms. And the crazy thing is that this last week, like, it hasn't been hard. I thought it would be really difficult, and I'm just noticing how much more present I am, how much more, like, calm and non-reactive I am. And when I'm feeling something like discomfort or pain or resentment or anger, I have to show up and feel it instead of just reach for my phone to feel anything else. It's been really cool. Granted, it's only like Like I said, it's only been 7 or 8 days. I'm not even gonna minimize it. It's been really eye-opening to look at how intense my relationship with my phone has been and how it just keeps going and going and going. And that there's, you know, studies and evidence to show that a lot of these apps are designed to keep us wanting more. We call them— they call them— we call them slot machine apps so that it's giving you this inconsistent variable of notifications so that you won't get a notification right when it happens. Always, if you're on an app and your activity starts to slow down, that's when you'll get a notification. It's just so interesting and it's honestly really sad. One thing the book has you do too is just notice in the most nonjudgmental way possible, just notice how many people are on their phones. So like at my job, I have to take an elevator to the 4th floor and anytime I'm in the elevator with another human being, they're on their phone. And I've done the same thing just to avoid human interaction and contact. So it's been really cool to just be. I'll be waiting in line at the grocery store if I don't use Instacart, which delivers my groceries to my house, um, and I'll just be there without scrolling, without focusing on other people's lives. And if you struggle with self-esteem, um, body image, just feeling inadequate, imposter syndrome, I'll tell you one thing. Removing yourself from the grips of social media really helps, uh, because whether or not we're aware of it, we are constantly comparing ourselves to literally everyone else. And social media is exactly that, is a highlight reel of the good times. It's just a highlight reel. And I don't want to look at people that look really happy on social media and have to tell myself, yeah, well, I wonder what's really going on behind closed doors, because that is super sad and judgmental. And so whether you're happy or not, I mean, my like This is a judgment, so I'll just preface that. But my thing is that when I do see a couple that posts so much, I'm like, the more you post, the more insecure you are about the relationship. Now maybe you disagree with that and that's judgmental, but that's how I've been in my current relationship. Like, and I've noticed this just in the last week, like, I don't feel the need to post about it and of him because I don't need the world to know that it's good enough because I know that it is. And like, that's pretty cool. You may be like, "Well, Hannah, you're making videos and posting them on social media." And I am! And I am doing that. But what I've really learned through this process of making videos is that I'm not doing it for your approval. I'm doing it because I genuinely believe that it might help some people, and I feel good about it. I feel like I have something to share with the world and I want to share it. But whether or not you like this, like I've said in other videos, or subscribe to this video or share it with your friends, doesn't fuck with my self-worth today, and that is emotional freedom. Anyway, check it out, How to Break Up with Your Phone by Catherine Price. This is not an ad. I am not being sponsored by Catherine Price. I just think it's really cool. Okay, thanks so much. Have a great day. Bye.