How to Decrease Anxiety

Hi everyone and welcome to another episode of Hannah Talks About Things. So today, as you can tell, is a little different. I decided not to dress up or pretend to get dressed for work from the waist up, uh, for the purpose of a video. Um, I just wanted to keep it really real. I know a lot of people are struggling right now with anxiety, with depression, with just untreated mental health, and with a lack of coping skills because right now a lot of our survival mechanisms are popping up. A lot of our old wounds are getting activated. Whether you know someone that's been directly affected by the coronavirus or you are just scrolling in this wormhole of social media, it can be a really difficult time to navigate. And so I just wanted to talk about really, really helpful ways to get grounded and centered if you're feeling out of control. Now, if you're not feeling out of control and you feel like all of this is just this blown-up kind of conspiracy, okay, you don't have to watch this video or comment on it. But if you need some tools to, to help you ground down and feel a little more sane and a little more in control of the things that you can control, as in your person, uh, this is the video for you. In case you're wondering what I'm wearing, this is a vintage sweatshirt. Uh, this is from my bat mitzvah, so there's that. And October 26, 2003. These are the cool little things that I gave out to all my friends when I was 13. So it says Hannah, established 1990, bat mitzvah Rose, October 26, 2003. Um, my stepmom made this, and then it says Hannah, 13 years. Anyway, so without further ado, ways to feel grounded, ways to feel calmer, things to do at home with limited resources if you struggling with anxiety. First and foremost, and this is a tip that a lot of people are going to say, yeah, I hear you, but that's just not realistic— limit social media time. Limit the amount of time that you're specifically scrolling. So I have kind of given myself permission to check social media platforms for notifications, just because, in case I've gotten any messages or people have any questions. Um, also I just like to see— I'm a human being and I'm like, how many likes did I get? And As much as I want to detach from that kind of attachment with likes and validation, I think that's really normal if you are posting things. So what I have found is that about a week ago, about a week ago, I was feeling— I put it in a journal entry— listless, kind of purposeless, kind of out of control in terms of the spiral of thoughts in my head, you know, difficulty sleeping. A tightness in my chest, knot in my stomach type thing. And I realized how much time every single day I spent scrolling. And even though once in a while I'll get a meme that's kind of funny, overall what I was gaining from scrolling was a greater sense of impending doom, powerlessness, and anxiety. You know, I was saying to my friend the other day who was really upset about her own situation regarding potentially losing her job and not having an income and you know, just a lot of other personal issues she has going on right now. And then she said, not to mention all of these people that are affected, all of these people. And I stopped her and I said, you will rarely hear me say this, but now is not the time to try to cultivate global empathy. Now is not the time. I'm not saying that if you don't have the internal emotional resources and the capacity to really sit back and hold space for other people or actually do something like donate, You know, if you have the finances, like, ask people like, "Hey, how are you doing?" And, you know, I saw people posting their personal Venmos and saying like, "Listen, I'm a server. I just lost my job." And like, if you have the finances, like, do it. Do it privately. Do it anonymously. Like, don't talk about it. Because that can also kind of decrease the sacred act of giving is when we're like, "Look at me, I just gave." So that's something to think about. But anyway, now is not the time if you're struggling with your own anxiety to now take on everyone else's anxiety. And that's really tough to do sometimes if you are like me and you are an empath and you feel the weight of people's experiences. And one thing I've learned through my training professionally and then just personal experiences as a counselor is that if I take on— if I'm present for other people's experiences and emotional pains and trauma, but then I'm taking it on and it's almost like breaking this barrier so that it's affecting me personally, um, that limits my usefulness to others. That limits my efficacy as a counselor. That limits my, my passion and my fire because I will burn out. And I have experienced that before firsthand. And so again, if you are absolutely not affected by this at all and you're not feeling anxious, then like, yeah, maybe it is helpful and important to tap into that empathy and really look at how this is affecting so many people. But if you are already struggling, now is not the time. I cannot stress that enough. And so one thing we're seeing on social media is a lot of people's personal testimonials as what's going on to them, what's going on for people that they know, et cetera. And so my first tip, and I cannot stress this enough, if you are not in a place to just limit social media completely, create time blocks during the day where you physically put your phone in another room and do something else. I shared on my, um, Facebook page the other day, yesterday, that one thing that has been super helpful for me is putting on a show that I've already seen or or, you know, a podcast I've been meaning to get around to. If you're like me and you love Brené Brown, she has a new podcast called Unlocking Us, and it's phenomenal. There's also some great podcasts that are funny and they're not emotionally heavy. One of my favorite comedic podcasts is called— bear with me if you have children around— My Dad Wrote a Porno, and it is hilarious. If you have not yet listened to My Dad Wrote a Porno and you need something to laugh about, that is the podcast for you. It doesn't have to do with any current events. It's literally just 3 British comedians and one of them, his dad wrote a pornographic novel and there's seasons and seasons of it and it is hilarious because his dad is just like an older man who does not know a whole lot about the female anatomy and then the plotline gets really good. So it's hilarious. Again, My Dad Wrote a Porno. I am not sponsored by this podcast. I just find it hilarious and it is so important to laugh right now. So I have been putting on Big Brother, which is my go-to show, and coloring. I have used this suggestion for clients for years, you know, to get out of their heads, to be doing something with their hands, to find this creative outlet. I am not artistic, so I've been using coloring books. See? And I have— it looks like we have children in our home, which we don't, because there's just pages upon pages on my on our fridge of things that I've colored in. And it's mindless, but also we can get into that flow state of being really present. And the best thing about coloring or doodling or sketching or some kind of creative modality is that we are not on our phones. I did a video, and if you're interested, it's on my YouTube channel, a couple months ago about the book, uh, How to Break Up with Your Phone. And I think now more than ever, that book is so pertinent. Our brains are not wired to be receiving this much information. And especially when there's something big going on, like a global pandemic, our survival mode kicks in and we go into this place of, I need to know more, I need to know more. But ask yourself and kind of take that mental inventory. Do I ever feel more relaxed and more grounded after scrolling for a period of time? You know, again, once in a while I get a meme that is just a gem and I tag everyone in it and I send it to people and I'm like, haha, and then it passes. And one thing that social media does is it actually activates the part of our brain that wants more, that pleasure center, that dopamine. And so that fear of missing out of something, like, I need to keep scrolling because I might miss something else. I experienced this on TikTok a lot. If you're going to scroll, I would say just do it on TikTok because at least it's not, um, news and personal. It's just kind of mindless and there are some funny things on there. That's also really addicting though. Maybe don't download TikTok right now. But in any case, suggestion 1: limit social media. I am telling you that across the board, one of the biggest predictors of increased anxiety during this time is amount spent on one's phone. I also feel like, well, what if I miss something? And what if like something big is happening? I personally subscribe to the New York Times and they have a great feature where your phone will light up with a little headline if there's any kind of breaking news. Aside from that, it does not help me to be watching the stock market on a live feed. It does not help me to have a live interactive map that's showing every single coronavirus update. It does not help me and it does not help anyone around me because I'm still trying to gain this false sense of control because the more I know, the more I can control, and that's just not true at all. So limit social media. Find things that are grounding, right? So for me, coloring while watching Big Brother, coloring while listening to something is super helpful. Find those things that you have not gotten around to that you want to. And if you have headphones, which most of us do, you know, while you're cleaning the house or doing another home project, put in your AirPods, you know, put in your headphones and listen to that book you've wanted to get around to. I have crushed so many books on Audible, not since this quarantine, self-quarantine, but just in life because I find that listening is easier. Because my social media use and my phone use, I think, has really limited the parts of my brain that are able to stay focused while reading something, which is also horrible. But put on an audiobook, you know, and I love to gravitate towards books that are really intense, whether that's memoirs about addiction or like murder mysteries. And I'll never forget one time someone saying to me like, "What about a nice beach read?" And I'm like, "What is that?" Like, you know, where it's just maybe a love story. And I'm like, "Oh, and someone dies?" It's like, "No, you know, maybe it's just a story about friendship." And I'm like, "Who's the serial killer?" And it's like, "Okay." Right now, gravitating towards intensity may feel good, but it's actually harming us. So again, if your favorite show is Breaking Bad, which I just finished all the seasons, it's not the most helpful to watch a very intense anxiety-producing show when you're already in an anxious place. Turn on The Office, rewatch that, right? Find things that are not intense. It's almost like, um, it's, it's really counterintuitive, I think, to come up for air, especially during a time like this. But if we don't, our anxiety will get worse and worse. Now, of course, another great tip is finding mindfulness, aka meditation. I, like most human beings, I'm not great at just sitting down and clearing my mind because that is not realistic, especially right now. So I love guided meditation. And whether you use an app For me, Calm is my absolute favorite app, or Headspace, or you just go to YouTube and type in guided meditation. You know, I really like body scans where you're just bringing attention to different parts of your bodies. I've been trying to do a 10-minute meditation every single day, and it's so helpful. So meditation is super helpful. Again, getting you away from that screen time and that active scrolling and disconnecting while connecting with yourself. I think we talk so much about social distancing, But right now it's physical distancing that we need to be disconnecting from, but we need to be fostering and cultivating connection with ourselves and the people that we love and/or can tolerate, right? The other piece that I find incredibly helpful is, and this depends where you are, I think, but even just getting a breath of fresh air. I went on a short walk yesterday in Patterson Park where I live, and you know, there was no, there weren't people close to each other at all, and it was so nice to just feel the sun on my face and feel fresh air. That can be really helpful too. Walk with someone that you live with, walk alone. Again, doing things to really connect with self. But I can't stress enough that what these things have in common are putting the phone away, putting the phone away even for a short period of time, even like, like going on a taper, right? So like, today I'm gonna go and I'm gonna put my phone away for 1 hour. Okay, start with that. Maybe the next day you can do 2 hours. Maybe the next day you can just not mess with your phone. Especially if you live with people or live with your partner, etc. If you live alone, I understand that feeling of disconnection, but make a FaceTime date, you know, make a Zoom date. That can be really helpful. That can also be really anxiety-producing if everyone on the Zoom call or on FaceTime is stressed. So again, be mindful about who you are kind of inviting into your circle right now. If you are like me and you are kind of, uh, someone who's prone to taking a caretaking role, or like a fixer role, or like a let me listen to you role, now might be the time to set some boundaries. Now might be the time to say, I don't have the emotional space, I'm also going through it, and that's okay. And lastly, what I find incredibly helpful— actually, second to last— is journaling. I'm not a fan of journaling. I'm not a fan of saying like, dear diary, this is how my whole day was. But I am a fan of bullet journaling. And so the last couple days, what I've done is I just making these different lists like, today I feel, and then bullet points. You know, these are my intentions for the day. These are my goals. This is something I want to do every day. And even set— making a goal for yourself like every day is a little lofty. So maybe just today, what am I doing today for grounding and what can be really helpful? And so journaling can be really grounding, again, fostering that connection with yourself and doing that check-in. You know, I do this on my Instagram sometimes. I put polls up like, Daily check-in or like weekly check-in. How are you feeling about your body? You know, what's your relationship with yourself today? Are you limiting social media? And I do that with the hopes that people will kind of say, oh wow, I'm really not feeling good, or you know what, I'm doing pretty well. And again, just increasing that mindfulness of self. So there's that. And then lastly, physical movement. I'm not saying go do home workouts if that's not your thing. That is my thing, not home workouts, but working out. And I haven't done that I might have done it once this whole time, and I'm not gonna beat myself up for that. I'm not gonna shame myself because that doesn't help me or anyone else. Movement though, any kind of movement. Yesterday I was sitting all day during a training and I was sitting on a medicine ball. That really helped. Stretching, yoga, any amount of movement. Because what's happening is we're sitting, we're hunched, we're looking at our phones, and our bodies are holding on to this stress and tension. And what's happening is a lot— like I said in the beginning— a lot of our own old wounds are getting activated and even triggered, right? Feeling stuck, feeling powerless. Depending on what your background is and what you've experienced, this can be incredibly activating. So now is the time for self-compassion and nurture. And self-care does not always have to be indulgent. I just saw Dr. Jenn Hardy on Instagram say, um, self-care can also mean routine, you know, like, am I showering? Am I brushing my teeth? Am I doing what needs to be done? Am I taking care of things and then giving myself time to just relax and veg out? So I guess in summary, your feelings are valid, right? Your feelings are valid. There is no right or wrong way to feel right now. Really, really tapping into your gut and your intuition and finding out what do I need, and then listening to that and being willing to take action. If you're going to watch this video and just keep scrolling and doing the same things, you will continue feeling the same way and it will continue getting worse. And so be willing to step out of your comfort zone, be willing to put the phone down and get in touch with your body, get in touch with your emotions. Journal, read, color, stretch, walk around, walk around your house, play with your pets if you have pets. God, I want an animal so bad. Yeah, those are all my suggestions so far in terms of grounding down and staying sane during this time. And again, I just can't stress enough, your feelings are valid. You are so not alone in this. But connecting via social media sometimes doesn't lead us to feel actually connected. It makes us feel more alone in our experiences. So, ah, yeah, happy Wednesday. Is it Wednesday? Yes, happy Wednesday, um, and may you be well. Bye.