In this 20‑minute video lesson Hannah Rose, LCPC walks learners through Step 1 of Codependents Anonymous (CoDA). She explains that the first step requires admitting powerlessness over others and recognizing that one’s life has become unmanageable. Rose contrasts CoDA language with that of Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous, then guides participants to identify specific areas where they feel powerless (e.g., others’ opinions, reactions, expectations, safety, and joy) and where their lives feel unmanageable (e.g., sleeplessness, resentment, lack of personal time, hurt from boundary‑setting). She introduces the concept of loving detachment and healthy boundaries, recommends the book The Codependence Guide to the Twelve Steps, and encourages learners to pause, write down reflections, and share questions in the course classroom, promising personal voice‑note responses. The lesson emphasizes that resistance, confusion, and the distinction between powerlessness and helplessness are normal parts of the process, setting the stage for Step 2’s introduction of spirituality.
Chapters
Hi everyone. Welcome to the second day of this course, which is going to focus on step 1. I keep saying this course or my first course because I haven't named it yet. I don't know how teachers on Insight Timer make courses because so much goes into it. And what I've noticed is there's a lot of fear, and this ties into the first step. I am powerless over what other people think of me, but my life becomes unmanageable when I try to contort myself to fit their needs. And so the first step through the lens of Codependents Anonymous is admitted we were powerless over others and that our lives had become unmanageable. Now there's 2 distinct points in that step. Can I recognize where I am experiencing powerlessness? And what are the ways that my life is currently unmanageable? So when I first got sober, this step in other fellowships is a little different in language. So in Alcoholics Anonymous, it's admitted we were powerless over alcohol and that our lives had become unmanageable. In Narcotics Anonymous, I believe it's we admitted we were powerless over drugs and that our lives had become unmanageable. So in this step, and feel free to pause it, I invite you to write this down: What am I powerless over? What or who? How is my life currently unmanageable? And I'll share some of my own examples from 2011. And so I said, these are all of the ways that I am powerless over Alcohol. I say that I'm not going to drink, and then I do. I say I'm only going to drink this much, and then I drink much more. I am lying to the people around me, etc. So that powerlessness is showing me where I don't have control and power. In this context, when I'm looking at my powerlessness over other people, I can come up with specific examples or broad themes. Where do I feel powerlessness? I am powerless over what other people think of me. I am powerless over how other people receive me, respond to me, react to me. I am powerless over the safety and joy and contentment of other people. In this case, I am specifically speaking about adults. And adults that are not requiring of a caretaker for their physical needs. So let's say you have children who are living with you in the house, they're minors, they require you on some level or on many levels. It gets a little trickier there, and I'm not a parent, so I will not speak to the intricacies of parenthood, but what I'm speaking about are— other adults in your life who are not experiencing, you know, a physical disability where you are their primary caretaker, or maybe a neurological shortcoming, right? Like, not shortcoming, but a neurological condition where they rely on you. I'm talking about people in your life, whether they are family members, friends, coworkers, etc., who are experiencing Their own unmanageability, and you want to come in and fix it and help and rescue and save. Helping others is a gift, but at what cost is the question we have to ask ourselves. So this step— where am I finding powerlessness in my life? Whether it's helping someone, fixing someone, controlling someone, What if it's I am powerless over? I think one of the big ones is when someone is mad at me, or I feel like someone might be mad at me, or maybe it's someone's expectations of me. This first step is called the detachment step, and it is about looking at where we can and probably should lovingly detach. Detachment does not mean. We don't care. It does not mean we abandon someone, and I can't recommend this book enough. The Codependence Guide to the Twelve Steps because the first step, which is the whole first chapter, goes into detail about what this means. So we've looked at the first part of the step. Where am I powerless? What am I powerless over? And if the word powerless doesn't resonate with you. Where am I consistently trying to exert control where in reality I have none? And then the second part of this step I think is even more important. How is my life currently unmanageable? For example, I find that I can't sleep at night because I'm worrying about someone. I'm consistently feeling resentful or taken advantage of because of how much I'm helping another person. Someone has tried to set boundaries with me, and I feel hurt and rejected as a result. Right? What feels unmanageable right now in my life? I don't have time for myself because I am essentially helping everyone else. And so you can pause the video and just look at powerlessness and unmanageability. Feel free to share in the course classroom. You can ask questions, maybe clarifying questions, and I am going to. I'm going to respond to every single one with a voice note because that's what my favorite teacher does in his courses, Charles Freeley. So step 1, admitted we were powerless over others and that our lives had become unmanageable. And if you notice resistance coming up in this step, that is absolutely okay, and that is normal and human. But can you turn towards that resistance and just notice it? Powerlessness and helplessness are not the same thing. What is in your scope of control and what's not? And taking a look at where my responsibility ends and someone else's begins. And this is the work of detachment, of boundaries, and of the very first step out of 12. So I will see you tomorrow for step 2, which is where we begin to introduce spirituality into this process.
