Walking Through Fear

Hi and welcome to another episode of Hannah Talks About Things. Today I really wanted to focus on anxiety and fear and debilitating just insecurity because I'm in it right now. And so I figured, once again practicing what I preach kind of against my will, I am going to talk about what it's like and how to walk through fear when it hits. So, oh, as a lot of you know, recently I've been just kind of nonstop posting things, articles, private practice stuff. I mean, I've just been like putting myself out there. And so with that comes a lot of fear. And that fear is, what are people gonna think of me? Are there gonna be people gossiping or just talking shit about me? What are they gonna say? Is this too much? Am I spamming people's news feeds, etc.? And so I've had to do the last couple weeks is acknowledge those thoughts and accept them and also say, does this make or break who I am as a person? And I know I can say in theory there's always going to be people that, you know, don't want to see you succeed or just have some negative, nasty things to say. I can say that, but then practicing it and really not letting those things get to me on a core internal level is a totally different story. So like I said, recently I've been, you know, really kind of putting myself out there, and I'm doing it as a marketing strategy, right? I want to share what I have to say with the world, but I'm also marketing because hopefully I can get these bigger platforms to reach more people. So like Psychology Today, that was a huge opportunity because while any given article I post to my website gets anywhere between like 200 to 900 views at the most, one article on Psychology Today can rack up 3,000 views in 24 hours. And it's just like, yes! And so that's been really awesome. And I guess what I'm saying is Part of this video is me saying, listen, I'm not just like shamelessly self-promoting because I like to hear myself talk. Um, contrary to potential popular belief, I'm really trying to kind of brand myself so that I can get these messages that I have across. So I'm getting a little off track here, but basically anxiety. So what to do when the feelings of vulnerability, right, being seen, being heard, saying something, taking a stand, whether it's about something you believe in or don't believe in. I know for me, whenever the political climate is the way that it is and has been for as long as I can remember. I'm pretty verbal about it, and there's always people that are going to disagree, and that's okay, right? And that's the kind of what I talk about, about standing in the light and living in your truth. It's, it's scary. Um, Brené Brown's book Braving the Wilderness talks about how the wilderness is showing up to be seen even when you know people are going to disagree with you. It means continuously putting yourself out there, living your truth, speaking authentically and allowing yourself to feel all of those shame narratives like, "Oh my god, what if I have nothing good to say? What if people judge me? What if people gossip?" Acknowledging those feelings, feeling them, not just letting it go because that's not helpful, and doing it anyway. And to me, that's what courage is. And so, again, I think it's a lot easier for me to sit behind a computer screen and like type articles and put them on the internet and still kind of anonymous even though my name is attached to them than to do these videos, which is like Really uncomfortable. So I'm just kind of gonna do like a rundown on this morning, how that kind of anxiety came and what I did about it. So this morning I woke up and I felt a lot of embarrassment and shame and insecurity about just like posting all the time. And it's that kind of vulnerability hangover. It's like I'm really putting myself out there on Facebook, on LinkedIn, on Instagram, on Psychology Today, on my website. It's kind of like, hello world, what's up? And that's terrifying. Especially because, like I said, everything that comes out of my mouth is my opinion, and a lot of it is based in my own personal experience. Some of it's based on my professional experience, but it's still just like my opinion. And I know there's gonna be some backlash. I know there's gonna be some judgment. And knowing that doesn't— like, part of me feels like, well, if I know that's gonna happen, I'll just prep myself and it's okay. It doesn't make it okay. I still feel all of those same feelings of embarrassment and shame. So I woke up feeling all of those things. And like, there was a catalyst, but I felt really uncomfortable. I felt really raw. I felt, um, like I just wanted to deactivate all social media platforms and just like hide. That's how I felt. And so what I did, uh, was I opened up my email. I like just tried to distract myself a little bit because I was just like crippling anxiety. And I got this— I'm in a 12-step fellowship, and there's this daily email I get from what's called The Grapevine, and it's like quotes from different 12-step literature. And it said something along the lines of, true tolerance is seeing yourself the way others see you and not getting mad about it, or something like that. And this was like for June 27th, for today, like here's the daily reading. And I kind of just like, I was like, all right, universe, whoa. True tolerance is seeing yourself the way others see you and not getting mad about it, which means acknowledging that not everyone is gonna agree with what I do and like what I do. And fear is okay. Fear is not weakness. Anxiety is not weakness. It is a survival instinct. It is a mechanism that keeps us safe, right? That fight or flight— freeze, fight or flight— but still, that fight or flight is a primal instinct. So if I'm in the wilderness hunting for food and a bear comes, if I didn't have this primal instinct of fear, I would die. It keeps us safe, just like so many of our behaviors that we may find maladjusted or not really great. These behaviors keep us safe. And that means I need to detach from this core narrative that fear and insecurity and embarrassment equals weakness, equals I'm not practicing what I preach, equals I'm not perfect. I'm never gonna be perfect, and I think reveling in that helps me to be stronger. Like, hear my imperfections, right? It's easier for me to lecture about anxiety and fear than it is to just own it and talk about it the way I'm doing right now. It's super uncomfortable. Ah! And so yeah, so the first thing I did was I opened up my email and I read that and I breathed. I could feel, I could feel like the physical anxiety and I just felt it in my chest and was like, "Whoo!" And I reached out to some people. Again, in a 12-step fellowship, we do these things called spot-check inventories. Like, am I resentful? Am I selfish? Am I dishonest? Am I afraid? And it's just really awesome ways that anyone can use to keep us not only accountable but continuing to live up to our ideals. So boom, spot-check inventory. Yes, I am feeling these things. I am feeling all of these things. And I sent it to a couple people that I really trust, like that I really trust. Because selective vulnerability is incredibly important. And that means that I don't tell everything ever and my whole story and all of my feelings to everyone because then I am signing up to be hurt. Selective vulnerability is feeling out the people that I can trust and, and utilizing them in those moments. So instead of telling myself, "I'm weak, don't tell anyone, just shove it down and it'll go away," unhealthy and unhelpful, I immediately reached out and was like, I'm feeling all these things. And I breathe, I prayed again, prayer, intention setting, whatever it is, and was like, ah, universe, help. Just like help, because I want to be able to be present at work. I want to be able to, you know, go through my day and not be crippled by self-centered fear. I just wrote an article about self-centered fear. Ah, and then similar to some of the articles I've written about combating shame and also walking through rejection. Again, I think I used to have a sponsor, Scotty, who would say, Hannah, you have to feel, deal, heal, and it has to go in that order. And so, right, step 1, feel. I felt the fear, the embarrassment, the shame, the insecurity, all of those feelings of like, oh my God, everyone probably just thinks I'm so annoying on the internet. I felt those. And instead of telling myself, no, they don't, that's not true. I'm sure, I'm 100% sure there are people that don't love what I do, and that's okay. They also have autonomy. They can unfollow me. They can talk shit about me. They can block me. They can follow me and keep talking shit about me. They can do whatever they want. It's not my responsibility. Step 1 is feel. Ooh, I feel seen, and that is uncomfortable. Step 2, deal, right? Sending that mini inventory, praying, breathing, talking about it, walking directly through the fear and anxiety instead of saying, I'm just not gonna feel this. Oh my god. Feel, deal, heal. And then I get to heal. And even like, that was this morning, hasn't even been 24 hours. I feel a different sense of freedom. I feel like, okay, this doesn't have to have power over me. And I know for a fact, like, I've heard people talk about this, especially people who do gain more traction with like viewers or followers or readers or whatever it may be, like there are always going to be people who don't agree with you or who mock you. There's this great Instagram, uh, Instagram profile called @commentsbycelebs, and it's really, really wonderful because it just like tracks these comments that celebrities leave. And a lot of times these celebrities are responding to like pretty ignorant comments that just like random people are leaving on their posts. So like, "Who do you think you are?" And the Instagram person like the celebrity will respond and be like, "Hi, thanks so much for being a kind human being and taking time out of your day to shame me," or whatever. Comments by celebs, it's really great. And it helps me to see like how normal it is that everyone has feelings and like we're all gonna have fear. And the reality is that so much of our fear is self-centered. It's, "What are you thinking about me?" And when I truly play that tape through and walk through the fear, what you are thinking of me does not make or break who I am. I just noticed that I'm wearing hoop earrings and like my first thought is like, oh my God, are these professional? Like, what are these? Are these hoops too big? Like, I got them at Target. And it's like, all of those feelings are normal. Um, or, and I only say all of this to like, again, make myself more human and ideally relatable, right? Like even when I get close, I'm like, oh, I have some acne. I have all these flyaways. Like, what are people going to think? How do I edit this video. And I'm just like, or I'll just own it. Like, I'm just going to own it. What you think of me does not make or break who I am as a person. Do I feel fear and insecurity and pain and want to deactivate all social media and hide in a hole? 100%. But do I do that? No. And so I guess kind of the moral of this whole story is you will feel fear, especially if you continuously show up, listen to your gut, speak your truth, speak up Right? It's like the whole, "If you don't stand for anything, what will you fall for?" I just quoted Hamilton, which is a Broadway musical that I'm seeing in 2 weeks. But it's true. Like, I'm gonna stand up and I'm gonna stand for something, otherwise I'll fall for anything. And I would rather have a loud voice, which I do, than be quiet and conform and just stay hidden. And the last thing I'll say is that one of the most profound quotes that it's the reason I kind of fell in love with Brené Brown. It's in her book Daring Greatly, and she quotes Teddy Roosevelt. And actually, let me pull up the actual quote so that I don't butcher it, because I was about to. It is not the critic who counts. Hello, I am not prepared. So this is the man in the arena quote by Teddy Roosevelt, and Brené Brown quotes it in her book Daring Greatly. And it helps. So especially if you start kind of stepping into the light and speaking your truth, whether it's on social media or writing or just at your job, whatever it may be. I love this quote. It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly who errs, who comes short again and again, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat. Theodore Roosevelt. Oh, I have the chills. So remember, like Dare greatly, and it's not the critic who counts. Unless you're in this arena with me putting yourself out there, then your opinion is not gonna rent space in my head without paying for it. Woo! Woo! Okay. Walk through your fear. Go forth. Have a great day. Happy Thursday. Bye!