Meet the Coaches / Breakup Advice (EP. 1)

Hi everybody and welcome to the Way Through Podcast, our inaugural episode. My name is Keith McPherson and I'm so glad that you've decided to join us today. This is brand new for all of us coaches here and we're going to be speaking all about relationships, breakups, how to navigate your way through all of these places. Today our episode is really just to get to know the coaches that are involved in this podcast and in our community. And we also want to share a little bit about, um, how to get over a breakup for those of you that are tuning in and finding it challenging to navigate this space and the unknown when what you knew has just completely dissolved and gone away. So, um, for those of you that are just learning about Way Through for the first time, um, this is an online community, an app that we've started for people dealing with relationship Breakups and Recovery. Um, it's a brand new community. Go check it out at waythrough.com. And today, uh, we want to introduce you to our community and who's involved on the coaching side of things. So with that being said, I'm just going to go around and we're going to just introduce the coaches. And, um, I'd love to just, uh, have each coach share a little bit about your practice as a coach, and then also maybe just share a little bit about, um, for people listening going through a relationship breakup right now. What advice or suggestions do you have for them? That there might be some overlap because, I mean, there's the typical things of, you know, just don't call your ex, but let's, uh, let's see what unfolds today on, on the podcast. So maybe we'll just, um, start with Courtney Click, who is joining us in Michigan today. Uh, Courtney, welcome. And, uh, yeah, I'd love for you to just share a little bit about your coaching practice, your background in this area, and some tips for our listeners about how to navigate all of this.

Thanks, Keith. I'm super excited to be here today. And hello, everybody. I primarily work with parent couples, and I've been a relationship coach since 2020. And where I like to meet people is in this space of we're trying to make it work, and we're not sure if it's going to work out. In my experience in long-term relationship, every fight is like a mini breakup. And it feels that way, right, in our nervous systems. And so my hope is to help couples through those mini-breakups and then through that decide, like, are we sticking around here or do we need to break up and find something else? So my personal favorite advice when going through a breakup is to develop the relationship with yourself. Use it as an opportunity to rewrite your own personal story, and to go very deep in relationship with your own self-love, your own relationship with self. I see every tough thing that we go through in life as an opportunity to grow, right? And so the embers from that experience, we can stoke those embers and create an amazing fire that will help us transform. So while breakups are super painful, and, you know, really transformative in the sense of what our life might look like. They are the best opportunity for turning the page to create the life that we want.

Thanks, Courtney. I love it. That's some really good insight and advice. And, uh, I'm just going to go around so that you, you, as, as you're listening, you can just kind of get a sense of all of us as coaches, and then we'll go into a deeper discussion. But, um, Bonnie Schroeder's here as well. She's joining us from Canada. And, uh, Bonnie, I'd love to hear also a little bit about your coaching practice and, uh, just some initial advice for people listening that might be going through a breakup today as well.

Thanks, Keith. Hi, thanks, Keith. Hi, everybody. I am so happy to be here to be with everybody and to support you along your journey. For those of you who are hopping in with relationship issues, I come to you with decades of experience in— initially it was traditional healthcare where I was really curious about about why some people heal and other people don't. After traveling the world, I realized the common denominator is how we deal with stress. So I'm coming in to help you navigate stress through the ending of relationship, channel, channeling, challenging relationships, or what— and that will translate into everyday stresses in your life. So it's not just helping with how you navigate through a difficult relationship or an ending of a relationship, but how you live your life. And one of the things that I always invite people to do is be where your feet are. So our mind will take us on all sorts of stories in our ending of relationship. In this wild life of ours, pain is guaranteed, suffering is optional, as they say. The optional part is how we get caught in our head and that we have something to do with that. We can learn how to work with the stories that come up in our head that create the suffering. So continuing, just taking a breath, coming back to where your feet are. It may happen a million times in a day that your mind wanders and you need to bring it back. And this isn't so that you avoid what's going on, it's so that you get more comfortable with being uncomfortable and learning how to navigate through the difficult parts in our lives. Ending of relationship is one of them. So that's why I'm here.

That is such an edge for so many people, is that like unknown space between like when a relationship, you know, ends, and then you're like, who am I now? And like, how am I actually gonna find my way through this? And it's like a whole new beginning for people. So I love that you're bringing that to the table, Bonnie. Um, I just want to move also to Jess Hendrick, who's joining us from California, another one of the coaches on the Way Through platform and on the podcast. Uh, Jess, welcome, and I'd love to hear also a little bit about your coaching practice and, uh, just some initial advice for people going through breakups right now.

Thank you, Keith. I'm so grateful to be here and be a part of this project with all of you. I just think it's so, so important. And I'm someone who struggled with relationships from the time I was little with my family of origin and the relationship dynamics there. And then they ended up translating into my adult romantic relationships and actually all my relationships. So what I had to learn is how to, as Courtney said, work on the relationship with my own self so that then what I attracted outside of myself started to shift because I know that we're really trained to look outside of ourselves for peace or happiness or joy or connection. But it's actually really the inverse way that it works is we have to make sure that we're working on our own selves and becoming the person that we would like to be in the world, just embodying those values so that we can actually attract that externally, whether it's with a romantic partner or friends or community. So yeah, it's been a lifelong journey and so many crazy stories, which I know we'll get into on the podcast. But I just want to help people because I know how painful and heartbreaking it can be when you're going through a breakup and how you can feel so alone. And it's just something that I don't think we can actually go through alone. We need support. Of course, we're going to have our own journey, but it's okay to have support and lean on people, community, support, coaching, therapy. So, yeah. And as far as what would a piece of advice be for someone going through a breakup? For me, it's really been just a simple, simple but not easy thing of just taking it one moment at a time, just one moment, one breath at a time. And during the hardest times in my life, that is how I got through it. Just one breath, one moment, which is what my mentor, walked me through one of the hardest breakups of my entire life just by that one moment at a time way of meeting yourself in each moment and seeing that we actually are supported if we can slow it down and not go so much into the past and so much into the future. Like Bonnie said, our brains are going to do that anyway, but that's what I think would be a helpful practice for anybody if you're in that moment right now.

I love that. That reminds me of the quote from the Tao Te Ching, which says, The journey of a thousand miles is one step at a time. And I think it's really true when you're going through a breakup, just to slow down and take it one step at a time. Yeah. Um, finally, one of our podcast hosts here is Drew Jensen, who's also joining us from Canada. And I have to say, Drew is kind of a bit of a wild card on this podcast because Drew actually is not a coach. He is a social media marketing amazing person that's been helping us launch this platform, and we couldn't leave him off the podcast because he's just such an entertaining guy, and he's been through it. Like, he's been through it when it comes to relationships, and we want this to be not just us giving you advice but us also talking about some of our experiences going through reality of relationships. So Drew, welcome, and we'd love to hear a little bit about your story of what led you into this Way Through community and maybe some advice based on your own experience so far of navigating relationship breakups. Absolutely.

I can speak to that for sure. Hello, everybody. Thank you, Keith, for the wonderful warm introduction. My name is Drew. As he— as Keith so warmly mentioned, I'm a marketer, communicator, storyteller, former actor. So I've kind of got like a bunch of different things that have gone on in my life. One thing that's always kind of stuck with me— I know I'm not a coach, but one thing that I I bring to my own life and I try to bring to other people is just the value of play and really going back to your roots as a kid. So I know going through a breakup, I had just gone through one a few months ago, really, really rough one, a bit of a crazy ex stalker situation. So the thing kind of got prolonged a little bit. But one thing that I really leaned on heavily was just the value of play and really trying to do stuff that I did when I was a kid that made me happy and really transported me back to that fun, carefree zone. Obviously, when you're in a relationship and you're going through a breakup, there's going to be some hobbies and some personal interests that you lose touch with. And I think it's so important that when you're going through that pivotal moment of growth and uncomfortableness, as some of our other podders, podcasters here have mentioned, that you kind of go back to, you know, doing stuff that brings you happiness and sort of adds a little bit of fun to your life. So obviously staying away from substances is important, so not one of those things, but maybe you want to pick up a hockey stick and, and shoot the ball around the net, or maybe it's going to the gym and lifting weights, or maybe it's doing what Bonnie does and, and, you know, going into some breathwork and getting out there and really sort of connecting with nature. So that's one piece of advice that I could give to fellow people going through breakups that I really sort of leaned on heavily. And yeah, I'm excited to be a part of this project. Helping people like myself go through this, this journey and feel supported is so important to me. And just know that you are not an island. All of these people here that are speaking to you today care for you so much. They may not know who the heck you are, But I'll tell you right now that if you get connected with this, with this community, you're going to feel like family. And I can tell you from firsthand experience, I definitely do. Life's biggest moments aren't always easy. Breakups, divorce, parenting challenges. Sometimes you just need a way through. That's where Way Through comes in. The new app built to help you navigate life's toughest chapters with confidence. Inside the app, you'll You'll find expert coaches offering group and one-on-one sessions, a supportive community of people who truly get what you're going through, and a library of checklists, webinars, and resources designed to guide you step by step. And when you just need a boost, turn into Breakthrough TV, where you'll get quick, powerful insights from podcast episodes and coaches who care. You don't have to go in alone. Download Way Through today. And discover a new way forward together. Remember, you're not an island.

Oh, thanks, Drew. You had me at the hockey comment, honestly. I mean, I've gone through a lot of— I've gone through a lot of breakups, and I never thought to go play hockey. But I think that's a great piece of advice for any Canadians, especially in the winter.

If you're not a Canadian—

That's what I heard too, is, wow, our Canadian roots are showing.

Yeah, I'm in Central Canada too. Go Jets, go!

And I'm Canadian, by the way.

That's true.

Living in California.

Yeah.

And I'm a wannabe Canadian, by the way.

You're an honorary Canadian.

Yeah.

And what I will say is one of the beautiful things about Canada, and many countries, but Canada is so known for being a multicultural community that is a country, right? And so it's connecting in with, from unique perspectives. I love walking down the street and we hear different, like 5 different languages in 2 blocks. And so we're connecting with everyone. There's a common thread of English so that we can come together to communicate more fully with each other. But I love that it's a really multicultural, cultural perspective on how do we come together. And from my perspective, what I, I hope to help people do is come together with themselves more fully, so then they can connect with people, uh, in the community more easily, with their partners in relationship, in fresh relationship and ending old relationship, in all of those ways, right? So I think this multicultural piece helps us also connect with all the various parts of ourselves, which is really important.

I think it's so interesting.

Oh, go ahead, Courtney.

Bonnie, I love what you're saying because one of the biggest conflicts in relationships comes up when there are differences between two people, right? And you see out on the street right now, we have a lot of differences going on. And I think as humans, we're forgetting how to navigate those differences. We're supposed to be different. We're supposed to have that diversity of opinion and a perspective. But it's really the skill, the art, the understanding, the embodied understanding of how do we actually live in peace with each other when we're so different.

Amen. I think social media has really made that prevalent because people just want to live in their echo chambers, and that's what's comfortable, right? People regurgitating the same thoughts, the same mindsets. But what's going to help you grow is sort of like, yeah, challenging yourself and, and surrounding yourself with people that have different opinions and Yeah, I agree with that wholeheartedly.

That's what's comfortable until it's not comfortable, because you can only do that navel gazing for so long.

Yeah, I think it's like interesting, like the, the idea that no matter where you're from, what culture, race, um, gender, you know, however you identify, it's like one thing that we do have in common is that we're in relationship with each other. And this has been so intriguing as we've been putting together The Way Through Community, is to really consider the different dynamics that are happening. I mean, we're really focusing on romantic relationships for a lot of our content, but I think when you really think about it in the bigger scheme of things, we're in relationship with everyone and everything. And sometimes things end. Like, everything is— nothing is built to fully last forever. So, um, it comes to these pivotal moments in, in our lives where relationships end or sever, whether it's through a romantic breakup or a marriage ending, or maybe it's a death in a family. It's— we're all— I, I think we're all like collectively at some level dealing with grief and letting go and trying to find our way through these places. And it's really one of the reasons why we've put together this community, because I think this is also kind of a taboo thing to talk about in, in public, whether it's, you know, you're sharing about a relationship breakup. I know I had this with my family and they were getting so tired of me telling the same story over and over again about my breakup. I'm like, who do I talk to about this? Like, how do I— how do I make sense of this? And so this idea of coming together communally to speak about these things is really part of this vision as well. So yeah, I also just realized that I didn't really share anything about, um, my background as a coach. But, um, as I said at the beginning, my name is Keith, and I was the one that got the download to start this community way through. And it honestly just happened because I'd gone through so many relationship breakups in a row. I was divorced— how many years ago now? Must have been about 6 years ago. And it was just one of the most challenging times in my life to navigate that divorce. Even though it ended quite amicably, it was still just so painful. I have so much compassion for those of you that are listening that might be going through divorce right now and you're just literally, you know, everything is just being torn apart and you really don't know how to navigate your way through. Um, mine ended pretty amicably, but after that I found myself in the space of like, now what? Like, who am I? Like, everything that I dreamt of and thought of was gone. It's like this whole vision of what my life was going to look like was completely turned upside down. And then I, uh, got on some of the dating apps, and I don't know about you guys, but like, that was horrendous, like trying to find out if it was even a real person on the other end of the line. Like, I was like, you know, am I just talking to an AI bot or is this actually reality? And so out of all of this, I just thought, you know, it'd be really amazing if we could bring together people that are struggling in that in-between place of finding their way through relationships and ultimately maybe even trying to find, you know, their, their next relationship and moving into it from a space of maybe more consciousness. You know, I'm still in that space in a lot of ways of trying to figure out, you know, when do you know you're ready to date again? And I think this is like one of the first questions that people like ask after a relationship ends is like, how do I know when I'm going to be ready to jump back in? Or they just jump back in. And so just a second round here about this. Um, I'm curious especially from you guys, like, as coaches and also just living in life, Drew. Like, how does one know when they're ready? And should they just jump back in? Or, like, is it better to take space? This is a big question.

I don't know if this is the best question for me because I just jumped right back into it.

Well, can I grab— can I answer it? And then— okay. So what I think with this kind of thing, right, if you're— if you've just gone through a breakup, it can be really beneficial to take some time and space just to process and reflect on what did you learn and what worked for you about the relationship, what didn't, and just help you to gain clarity. Because you might, you might find yourself just meeting someone and jumping into something. You might like— we don't really have control over these things. And if that happens, that's okay. But then you're simultaneously processing the old. You're simultaneously processing the old while trying to build the new. So it can be a lot. To hold. But ideally, I would say take some time and space away to focus your energy back on you and give all of the energy that you were giving to the relationship back to yourself and just see what's there, right? Allow yourself to just be in the void, as uncomfortable as it is, which it really is. It's also really valuable and sacred, that time with yourself. And the other thing too is if you rush yourself, like, I know I've, I've done this in the past not lately, but years ago, I would just try to get back on the horse and force myself to go on a date. And literally the whole time I'd be thinking about my ex and comparing to my ex, and it just was not good for anyone. It wasn't good for me. It wasn't good for the person I was on a date with.

It was—

it just wasn't the moment to be jumping back in.

So those are my thoughts.

Anyone else on this? Curious.

I have one. Are you approaching dating again from a place of wholeness or from a place of fear? Right? Yeah. Fear would be, I'm afraid of being alone. I'm afraid I'm not going to find a partner. I'm afraid I'm not going to have that kid before, you know, I'm infertile one day. Like, you know, we can make those choices from fear. And generally, that will not turn out as well and we'll have more to deal with. In our nervous systems and in our lives if we choose from fear, right? If we choose from wholeness, which is, I am whole as I am right now. I feel whole with the story of what happened, even if I still feel big feelings about it, even if I still can revisit pain. Do I feel mostly whole with the story? Or there's still major gaps, major gaps in my understanding of what happened or my part of it, right? Even if my part of it isn't, oh, I caused this, but rather, yeah, maybe I don't set boundaries very well and that's why it got to this point. So I would invite those who are thinking about it to sit with that and ask themselves, am I motivated to date because of fear, or am I motivated to date because I feel steadiness within myself and readiness?

Interesting. It's so interesting because so many people don't even ask that question. They just jump back into another relationship as quick as possible. And I know for myself, having done that, embarrassingly I might have to say, like, but having done that at one point, it doesn't lead to anything good. The same pattern just keeps coming up, and it's like this pattern that's trying to get your attention of like, hey, this pattern isn't working anymore. Like, underneath the surface of whoever it is that you're attracted to I think there's like, there's stuff to learn in relationship, and until we get the lesson, the quality of relationship isn't going to evolve for us until we, we get that, that lesson. So I guess you could keep jumping back in if you really want to, but you're just going to keep learning the same lesson in various ways until, until you get it.

Yeah, you can't avoid the lesson. Yeah, you can't, no matter what.

What are your thoughts on that, Bonnie?

My thought around that, and Courtney, you read my mind. We have one brain coming out here. I think we're all talking, pointing in the same direction, is what is the pull? Is it coming from a place of wholeness or a place of perceived lack? And sometimes we try to just fill the space in our life because we're uncomfortable with it. And so this is the practice and sort of weaving back to some of the things we were talking about before around, can we be with the discomfort as we, Discover who we are outside of another. Who am I in this space? And doing things that you love so that the primary relationship is with yourself and launch from that place. And I will add to that, we don't have to be some unicorn perspective of perfect. It's not about being perfect, whatever that is. We are messy humans. And glorious humans in the mess. It's learning how to navigate really, as Jess said, coming— and you too, Keith— shining light on what is it that— what were the gifts from this relationship? What did I learn from it? If I haven't learned and I'm just trying to avoid it and hop somewhere else, get curious about that because it's gonna show up in your friendships, in your work relationships, everywhere it will show up. And so it's, really getting honest with yourself and also, so giving yourself some space to really get to know yourself. And from that place, it'll just be clear, clear. And it doesn't have, as I said, it doesn't have to be perfect. We are perfectly imperfect, glorious humans. Let's be kind to ourselves along the way.

For those of you listening as well, if you're listening to this podcast and you're going, well, that's really nice for all you coaches to say, but the reality is like I am in a deep dark place right now, because many of us are, like, when we're coming out of relationship. And I just want to encourage you again, this is why we've created Way Through, is you don't have to navigate this all by yourself. This community is here to support you. We have professional trained coaches that are literally trained in how to help you stay focused on finding your way through the situation. And there's a community of people also going through it too that can relate and I think there can be an edge joining a community like this, and I want to speak to that briefly as well, because like I said earlier, I think there's a bit of a taboo or stigma around even speaking about relationship breakup for a lot of us, because it can be embarrassing and it's very vulnerable space. And so I just want to say, like, this, this particular community is all about confidentiality and really holding you in a safe container to be able to do this healing work for yourself. And so if this is speaking to you, we really want to encourage you to come visit us at waythrough.com as well. Um, Drew, I'm just curious from your perspective on this, how do you know when you're ready? Because, um, you'd shared with me like you'd gone through a pretty bad breakup, like stalker-level breakup, and now you're finding your way through. Curious, where— how do you know when you're ready to date again?

So for me, I'm— I did jump right into a relationship right away. But the thing is, I wasn't looking for it. And I think that's something that I could pass on as advice. Whenever you try to force something, whatever that is, it typically doesn't work. It just doesn't. My mom always told me, whenever you're looking for something, you're never going to find it. And then as soon as you stop looking for it, it just falls right into your lap. So I think like, how do you know when you're ready to date again? When you're not thinking about dating. I think it's when you're totally focused on you, you're doing the stuff that you enjoy, you're growing, you're putting yourself in those vulnerable situations where you are uncomfortable and you are growing. And yeah, I think that's what it comes down to because you can try to force it as much as you can. And yeah, you might meet somebody, but it might not be the best person for you. I just think it's all about just kind of going with the flow and letting the universe sort of work its way. It's a magical thing, the way that relationships work and how we sort of interact and bond with each other. I always love the idea of like the 6 degrees of separation where we're all sort of connected to one another, you know, just with that 6 degrees of separation. So I think, yeah, whatever you put out is what you're going to get back. So if you're sort of putting out that desperation, you're just going to get that back. So how do you know when you're ready to date again? When you're not thinking about dating again. You're just out there living.

It's so easy to say, but so challenging when you're in it. But trust the process, everybody. It's like, this is all, this is all unfolding, even though it's so challenging to know that.

Can I share a quick story about that, Keith?

Yeah, please.

All right. So I was in my early 20s, right? And I was just ending a 4-year-long relationship. I decided after, I'd say about 10 months post-breakup, I was just done. I was done being in that space of mourning and regretting. And one day— and I did a lot of work on myself— and one day, like, okay, this is it. I am ready to turn the page. And I was with some friends at the time. I had dreadlocks. I'm like, let's cut off my dreadlocks. Right, which is a crazy thing to do if you have dreadlocks. So we cut them off, we're on the beach at a lake in Michigan. And that night we came back to town, we went to a restaurant bar in, in town here. And I made a declaration. I said, I'm ready to fall in love again. And it was a feeling, it was embodied feeling, right? Yes, I am ready. The next day I drove to California or flew to California and showed up at work the next day and met my now husband. Wow, less than 48 hours, right? So trusting the process, that's how it happens.

Yeah, let it go and let it flow. The world is weird and it's unfolding perfectly on time at the same time if we just trust it. So this is great. Um, we want to thank you guys for joining us today on our first inaugural Way Through podcast. We're just getting our feet on the ground with this. I want to encourage you, if you're listening to this podcast, to please stay in touch with us. We're at waythrough.com. You can subscribe as well to this podcast. And if you have like burning questions that you need answered as you're going through your relationship struggles, please reach out and let us know through our website right now at waythrough.com. And also on the podcast page, we're going to be entertaining listeners' questions every week. And doing some sort of informal coaching around everything that you're going through to help you find your way through. And in addition to that, like I said, please come and join us. We have a free live Q&A mini coaching session every week on our app and on our community. And we're here to support you. We really want to be a resource for you as you're going through your relationship breakups. So thanks for joining us today, and we look forward to seeing you and, um, speaking with you on the next episode of Way Through.