Relationship Advice | When Your Lover's Desires Are Different Than Yours

When your partner says, I want or I desire this, and it sounds like that's too much, or I don't want to do that, the question you have to ask yourself is, what would I need to be a yes to that? That's the way we don't shut down our partner's desire and we stay fully engaged while honoring where our partner's at, where we're at. So I can be sitting down next to London and I could say, I want you to rip off your pants and spread your legs.

If I don't feel at that place yet, rather than kind of just immediately like, no, you know, or like, what's wrong with you that you don't see that I'm not there? I could just pause and— what would have me genuinely want that? What makes that sound like a really good idea? What I would need is for you to deepen your breath. Yes, I would need you to command me a little bit with your words and with your eyes.

Now what we're going to do is we're going to teach you how when you get to that moment, it's like, well, what happens to my want right there? Is she going to take off her pants and spread her legs? Part of me still wanting to get there, and so I'm meeting the moment with equanimity. If I still have the desire to go there, I might go there. But as I'm sensitive to her needs, what's the next step that I could guide her in that would take her closer to my desire and simultaneously honor where she's at? So she said, I want to come in. I might say, I want you to lean back. So I'm getting her closer to where I want her to be, and I'm honoring the timing and tempo for experience. Can you see that? So this is going to be an art form we're going to learn together, where it's like, how can we honor my desire and her desire at the same exact time?