This is a short YouTube talk by Dr. Karol Darsa (psychologist, founder of Reconnect Trauma Treatment Center) presenting 11 signs that people commonly hold themselves back from a happier life. The speaker lists and explains barriers such as fear, assuming the worst, inability to say no (people-pleasing), harsh self-talk, perfectionism, lack of self-improvement effort, poor discipline/procrastination, disconnection from the inner child, avoidance of reality, and fear dominating choices. The video closes by linking these barriers to past trauma and directing viewers to ReconnectCenter.com and social channels.
Chapters
Hi, I'm Dr. Carol Darza, author, psychologist and founder of Reconnect Trauma Treatment center in Los Angeles. Today I'm going to talk about signs that you are holding yourself back from a happier Life. I've compiled 11 items, so I'm going to go over them. I hope you find this helpful because this is a very common situation that people feel sort of stuck in their lives, right? So first one, you're stuck because you think you're not worthy or you can't get out of your comfort zone, or you think you shouldn't ask. So a lot of the people are actually afraid to make changes because they are somehow in a certain comfort zone, even though they know that they're not happy. But change really scares them. So that's an important thing about the ability to face something new and the ability to take a risk if you want to really get unstuck in your life and make some changes. Second one, you assume the worst. So you're planning things, you're going to make a change, maybe a change of career, change of relationship, change of country, but you're always assuming the worst. Something bad is going to happen and you're not even thinking of possibilities of happy scenarios that can come out of it. So you have a list in your mind of what's going to go wrong and that gets you stuck. Third, you never say no. So you have a difficulty to express your needs and you have a difficulty to say no. In fact, people pleasing is part of your life and you sometimes even think that's a good thing because you say, I'm a peacemaker, I get along with people. But you end up really hurting yourself by not saying no. Remember that when you don't say no to someone else, you are actually saying no to yourself, which is often meaning you're saying no to your self. Care so great you end up being a caring person, but not caring of yourself. So be careful with that. Four, you talk shit to yourself. You say things that are really bad, and you have this sort of tape in your mind that says you are ugly, you are fat, you are lazy, you are stupid. I'm sure you guys can fill in the rest. I often ask my clients to pay attention, maybe at least one whole day to every negative thing that they say. And then they start writing it down. And then, you know, they, I encourage them to do this, maybe sometimes the whole week. And then they come back and go, I knew I spoke very badly to myself, but I didn't realize how badly I do. I mean, I'm really, really judging myself. In fact, I'm my own worst enemy. And yes, that can happen. And, and that will get you stuck in life as well. Because who would be motivated if they're constantly hearing negative things? You just need to say things that are positive. So challenge. Every time you notice something negative, challenge yourself. You expect perfection from yourself, from other people, even, you know, from life, from God, however you want to call it. You think everything has to be perfect. If it's not perfect, I'm not taking that risk. I'm not doing because I don't want to fail. So you have to be willing to. Willing to fail. You have to be willing to not be perfect. Otherwise there's never actually the right time to start something. You don't spend enough time on self improvement. You think life is just going to kind of go on its own. And then, you know, I'm born this way, I am this way. People say that a lot, like, well, I'm this way at this age. I can't change. And you don't even put any time or opportunity, opportunity to improve who you are, improve your behaviors, improve your attitude or your mood, anything you may think of that needs actually improvement. 7. You don't have discipline. Well, again, that's kind of a little bit of like before. You think it's just gonna, you know, fall from the sky, and if I'm lucky or if it's meant to be, it will happen. Well, yes, there's something that could be meant to be, but it requires work. So if you put in discipline and even if you start with just a little bit every day, you'll be able to find some sense of routine and discipline and you'll definitely see the fruits of it. You're not in touch with your inner child. And why is that important? Because your inner child is often the one that has the most amount of joy and that dreams big and believes in magic and believes in play and doesn't actually see restrictions the way adults do. So if you really get in touch with your inner child and have a sense of her or him, you'll find yourself much more hopeful and sort of creative about life. So maybe I'll do another video about how to get in touch with your inner child. But just right now, remember that one, you procrastinate. This is the cousin of no discipline, right? So maybe you have some ideas. You, you are able to do some things, but you keep putting off the date, oh, it's not today. Something else comes up. So it's not really organized and you end up procrastinating and really not achieving what you put your mind to. You avoid reality, okay, this is an important one because reality is sometimes more bitter or more painful than what we would like. And it's very easy to avoid things, right? Avoid feelings, avoid conflict, avoid people, avoid anything that's stressful. Actually, if you, if you notice, the more sort of technologically we are oriented, I think the more we became interested in easy things, right? Two steps to be happy, I don't know. Five things to do to be grateful and that's it. And I don't have to do anything else. Well, that's not really how reality is. We're just. We need to learn to face negative emotions as well as difficulties in life and don't judge them. Make them part of your life. So this will allow you to also become much more realistic about what your potential is. Last but not least, fear dominates you. You are more concerned about what is not going to work and how you're going to fail and how you are going to maybe lose money or lose a person than the possibility of success. So a lot of the times the fear is what gets people stuck. All these items that I mentioned that are blocking your life, that enable you from going ahead and really enjoying your life could be related to your past trauma. And that's where Reconnect center comes in. We are specialized in trauma and if you would like to connect with us, just go on our website, ReconnectCenter.com or. Or follow us on Facebook or Instagram. Thank you for watching. And remember that trauma equals disconnect. Healing equals reconnect. Stay connected.
