Your Confusion Is Telling You Something

Another car chat with Kris Plachy, the CEO Sage. I'm so glad you're here. Thanks for tuning in. So this was gonna be— I might still make this an email. I was originally gonna make this an email, and then I thought maybe I'm gonna talk about it too, um, because sometimes when I verbally talk about it, I get more download, more insight. But I was having this thought this morning, um, and the thought is that your confusion Is the insight. Like, the, the confusion actually is the tell. So wherever it is that you're confused, whatever it is that you're confused about, I believe is where the answer is. And it tells me like everything I need to know about you when you tell me what you're confused about. And so for the last 4 weeks, I've been doing this Hot Seat Summer coaching. We just wrapped that yesterday. And I do think I'm actually going to do some hot seat coaching going forward. So if you're not on my list, you probably want to get on my list by going to my website. We'll have some more details about that. But, you know, so the way these— this hot seat has been going, it's just, you know, what do you want? That's the question I ask. What do you want? And people tell me, first of all, they can't tell me what they want. They tell me all the— what they want. I want to have this and I want this and then I want to have this and I want to have this. And I want this, and I want to have this. And it's all like, you know, I want to have a business that I can spend all my time with my children, and I want to make this much money, and I want to serve these amazing people, and I want to create new content, right? It's like a— it's like a to-do list. It's not really a what do you want. I'm like, okay, so using that as an example, right? What do you want? And then there's this stumpedness, right? This face of like, well, I just told you what I want. No, just give me a list of stuff. Okay, well, what? Why do you want all of that? What do you want? And there's still a stare. And sometimes people will say, well, I don't really know. I don't. I don't really know what I want. I. Okay, yeah, you do. You know what you want. Are you afraid to say it? Do you think it sounds bad? What if you weren't confused about it? What would you say? Right? And then it gets. It gets. It starts to get cleaner. Well, I just want to. I just want to work with 10 people. Oh, okay, that's cool. Why do you want that? Well, because if I work with 10 people, I can make this much money, and then I can have this much time with my kids. I'm like, oh, so maybe we should just say that. I want to work with 10 people. All that other stuff you say sounds really pretty, but it doesn't laser you in, right? But, but we believe if I don't say all that other stuff, then I'm meaning that all that other stuff isn't important. Of course it's important. But when you tell the universe, when you tell Tell yourself, because we're all one and the same, what you want. You've got to be clear, and your confusion is your tell. Well, I don't know what I want to do about this person on my team. That's another one. What do you mean you don't know what you want to do? Well, they've worked here a long time and they're really talented, but they're just not aligned anymore, and a lot of people complain about them, and, um, they, you know, they cause some challenges, but God, they've been here so long and they do do a really good Not at this. So why are you confused? Because I don't know what to do. You do know what to do. You just don't like the result. You don't like you don't like the consequence. What do you want to do? Well, I want to keep them for another three years so that you know. I think somebody I was just coaching somebody on this a little while. I want to keep them for a couple more years because I think they should be here when we sell the company. Oh, so you do know what you want. You just don't like what? What about that don't you like? Well, I think she. Well, she causes some problems with other people and— Right, okay, well, are you willing to deal with that? Because you just told me what you want. Do you really want that? Are you willing to put up with all of that so that she can have the win when you sell? How about you just pay her off now? Get rid of her. How much more could you sell your business for if she wasn't in it? Right? What we tend to want in these moments, especially when it has to do with other people, is we want other people to just be different. Because ideally, we I just want this person to change and that— and everybody else to like them, and then I don't have to deal with it anymore. But that clearly isn't the option because this person keeps causing problems. Other people don't really like working with them. So, you either keep not making a choice, which is telling me that's what you want, or you just choose one. I'm gonna keep her and I'm gonna tell everybody else, chill out, or I'm gonna let her go. Choose. Your confusion is— all that your confusion is telling me is what your thoughts are. It's such a tell. It's like, I don't like any of the potential consequences, so I won't make any decisions. But you're in charge, mama. You, your, your job is to make decisions. And the best news ever is every choice you make, you can, you'll, you'll still be there. And the surest way out of confusion is action. One of the other things I like to do is the takeaway. So, uh, this is a silly example, but I'll— so I, I had a VIP day with a client on Thursday at Disneyland. It was super fun. There's 2 places we could go to lunch that are really nice at Disneyland. And so I said to her, well, we have reservations in the dining room, but if you want, we could go into a lounge. And the lounge is super cool. different, but maybe the dining room. And she said, I don't care, you choose, right? She just— and I get it, she doesn't want to make another decision. I'm like, okay, then I choose the lounge. And then a couple seconds later, I texted her. I said, okay, now I made the choice. Are you disappointed or are you happy? Because sometimes that's how we find out what we want. Because she might have said, oh gosh, you know what, I'd really rather go To the dining room, not the lounge. And then we know, right? And I would invite you to do the same thing. And sometimes I do this with clients on a call. I'll just choose for them. I just, I just did this with a new client yesterday. We were talking about who she's going to focus on. And I said, for the purposes of this one-on-one arrangement that we're doing, what do you want to focus on? Do you want to focus on client individuals or companies? And she said, I think I want to focus on individuals. And I said, okay. So, for the next 3 months, we're just going to work on that. And then I said, how do you feel? And she said, I actually feel really good about that. And I'm like, okay, good, because that's how we get out of confusion. Then we know. If she had said, I don't know, I think maybe I would rather work with companies. Oh, good. That's good insight. Sometimes we have to take out— we have to take an option away. And the last thing when it comes to confusion, And this might sound counterintuitive, but I want you to hear me out. I believe this is one of the advantages of coaching. The last opportunity or the last suggestion is to actually get a whole other brain on your problem, because other brains have ideas that you never even considered. I was coaching someone yesterday who is selling her business, and the person buying the business, she's concerned he's not going to pay her monthly stipend or whatever, you know, payout. And she's also battling a serious cancer diagnosis, and so she has some concern that she might pass away before—

Oh my gosh.

All of the payout happens, and then her husband won't get paid. And so— or her estate. And so she's, she's telling herself she's really confused because she thinks that she has to keep working to protect her husband's future if she's not going to be there. But she doesn't want to work. She wants to stop working. She wants to be with her granddaughter. She wants to live out her remaining years doing what she loves.

Oops.

Not her job that she's run her company for a kajillion years. I'm sure it feels like, right? So I don't know the intricacies of her business agreement. I don't know anything. But I said to her, I'm like, I have to believe that there is an attorney who would manage this for you. I don't know if that's true. There's someone who will manage this for you— an accounting firm, a CPA firm, a law firm, Somebody will manage these payments for you. Your power of attorney, your executor, I don't know. It does not have to be your husband, and it, and it can still be done. And it was so interesting because it was just an idea that came to me so easily, right? Because I'm not in her story. I'm not worried about all of the things she's worried about. And I watched her just go, oh yeah, okay, like, that didn't even occur to me. I'm like, of course it didn't. When we focus on the problem, we can't find answers. So sometimes we just need someone else's brain. So listen, your confusion is your tell. Your confusion is just telling you, you have thoughts that are in the way. And you have beliefs that if— that are centered around the behavior or the choices of other people. That you wish would be different so that you could get what you want. But we have to always assume that other people will never be different. So, in the case of the employee whose behavior is jacking everything up, we have to just assume she's going to keep being like that. We can't just wait for her to be different. We can't wait for other people to not be annoyed with her. We can't wait for her performance to change to know the right answer. We have to know the answer today. And that means we have to wade through our own thinking. We could do the takeaway.

Do it.

Make a choice. With the woman who I said, right, like the long-term employee, I'm like, why don't you just pay her out now? Why do you have to wait to sell? You could pay her out now. Pay her, thank her, all her contribution, move her along. Or keep her. Tell the other team members she's more important than your discomfort, because that's what you're basically saying, right? She's more important than your discomfort as the, as the actual client. Tell the truth. Okay. And/or get another brain. Just get another brain. A brain that isn't invested is the last thing I should say. Like, they don't have an investment in your decision. They aren't your spouse, they aren't a business partner, they aren't even a girlfriend, because they all have like investment in your choice. And you've got to talk to someone who can be objective, that has some competence in the area that you're working on. But confusion is always solvable, my love. And the only thing that confusion does is it delays action. And if all else fails and you don't know what the hell to do, and you don't know the takeaway doesn't work, and you don't know anybody who you can talk to, just take action. Take some new action and see where it gets you. Action over time will resolve that confusion because it will reveal new insight to you. And that will help you. Okay? You don't need to be confused. It's always a little bit of a lie, but it also is a reveal. It's revealing something like, why am I so confused about this? Oh, it's because my brain wants everything to be the same, even though I make a new choice. It's not gonna work out that way. All right, sunshine. Thanks for tuning in.

The best news ever. SAGE has reopened for registration going into the '26-'27 season. We will begin at the end of September. And complete next year in July. And I'm so excited. We have some amazing gatherings scheduled, and the focus for this year will be just wonderful. I cannot wait to get started. There's still some spots available, so if you're interested, please go to thevisionary.co/sageinvitation. You'll see all the details, and the next step is for us to meet and have a call and talk about it.

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