Episode 2: Return to The Sacred Masculine and Feminine w/ Gerard Adams

Welcome to Scar Tissue, the podcast. I'm your host, Melissa Dugalecki. And here we understand the power that lies within our pain, that lies within the scars and the wounds and the nicks and the burns that come with the experience of life. When we learn how to leverage this, it is a powerful tool and capital that not only can take you to your next level in your life, but can make massive impact on others as well in the most beautiful ways. So here on Scar Tissue, we have real, raw and relatable conversations that will show you that there is not one way to live, that the word should doesn't exist and doesn't serve us in the vocabulary of our lives. That you are meant to live and create your most authentic self, and that we are worthy of everything but entitled to nothing. It is up to us to create it and to create from a place of love, opportunity, possibility, and authenticity. Let's dive in. So excited to introduce you to today's guest, Gerard Adams. Gerard is not only a serial entrepreneur, father, an unbelievable human investor, mentor, coach, consultant, like all of the titles that we could apply to what you do, but who you be is really, for me, just a pillar of continued growth, learning, and love. As I've had the opportunity to witness your journey and for you to witness mine, and the amount of healing that you've provided for me in pleasant and unpleasant ways very much is beyond a gift. And I am just truly, like, emotional and honored. Gerard, thank you for being who you be and thank you for being here.

Oh, wow. Make me cry over here. It's taken me a long time to even be able to receive when somebody acknowledges me because I've been sold the majority of my life in the doing to achieve, to try prove that I couldn't even, ever let myself really digest and allow myself to, like, see who I've become and the things that I've created. And so now hearing that from you, someone who's so near and dear to my heart and had the opportunity and the blessing to be able to be a part of your life and to be able to be someone who has good an impact in your life is something that I like. I'm just so honored to receive that from you. It means the world to me, and it's an honor to be with all of you. Yeah, this is gonna be a really powerful show.

It's gonna be so fun. And before we dive in, I do want to acknowledge this show would likely not exist if I hadn't met you. I never know for certain, but it wouldn't have started when it did because. And I've shared this before, but you get to hear it again, and the audience gets to hear it. I was so afraid to talk into grief. The iteration of this podcast previously, we're going into season four, but seasons one, two, and three were grief and guts, right? And this is top three percent globally ranked podcasts.

So there's a lot they would tell me of them immigrating to this country. My mom from Colombia, not having anything, losing everything. When they even got here, they had a studio apartment with my aunt and uncles. It actually caught on fire. And she was. She's the oldest of four. And they lost it. They didn't really have much, and they lost all that. And my mom would tell me these stories and they would really captivate me and inspire me to want to create a meaningful life. And I would hear stories from my father's side, from Italy, you know, my namesake Gerard, and, like, where that came from. And the crazy stories of my grandfather. I'm like, can I share this? I never shared this, but, like, literally, my grandfather, someone was trying to go after my grandma and, like, in this village, Naples, and my grandfather, like, took no and apparently beat him up with a guitar and, like, was like, we gotta get. He basically had to leave the village and, like, immigrated to the United States. My grandma with, like, a donkey comes across and then gets to this boat and then comes to America to provide opportunity for the grandkids. But my grandfather really need to get out because he did some. You know, here's a lot of these stories, and it inspired me, and that kind of followed my career. The Internet, when that was created, I was just, like, obsessed and like, wow, how can I take this passion for, you know, media, storytelling, movies, and. And also use this Internet thing? And I didn't know what entrepreneurship even was. I didn't teach you that stuff in school. But I was grateful enough to find a mentor at a young age, at 18, that basically revealed to me this path of entrepreneurship. And he was only like 19, 20 years old. He was a millionaire already. And he showed me Internet marketing and email marketing and building communities online, and that kind of blew my mind. Yeah. And then he started teaching me about stocks. And then that kind of just was the beginning of my entire career that now has led to building communities. I think, you know, I'm a community builder, leveraging storytelling as a way to connect to others, inspire others, empower others, and then learn how to turn that into content that we then can turn into a business, you know, leverage for A business. So I'm kind of just kind of trying to encapsulate it because, gosh, over the last 21 years as an entrepreneur there's been so many things, so many stories of failure and overcoming things and figuring out how to build businesses, leveraging content. But I'm grateful now that I have come this far and have sold a couple, a couple of them until this day, building communities online and created a meaningful life that I've just created, you know, impact and I'm proud of. Although, you know, I know I'm still just at the beginning of what's to come. So I'm grateful for this next chapter that's unfolding for me now.

I want to get into failure and the concept of it because I think a lot of people hesitate from risking or taking action. But I think we all have superpowers. You are a super connector. And the way in which you create community is one that attracts in like a certain type of person and it's got a ripple effect. For anybody who is seeking, you know, community, please check out Gerard. But also if you're looking to create community, remember that your ripple effect is to going to be so much bigger than you. That's when we get into legacy and that's where we remember like it's not just about us, it's about what the environments that we create for other people to access what is going to serve them beyond us. But if I even look at today recording day, you know, I just recorded Lauren and before that was Alex White and I'm like, wow, both of these people I've met through Gerard's communities and there's just this deep soul resonance. And so it's such a gift when you share authentically because there are other communities that people are connecting in, but it's one that maybe I wouldn't resonate in. But that's what they're meant to connect in. And so I think it's so important to not only storytell, but to be authentic because that is going to weed out the people that aren't meant for you. Remember, everyone on here wants to be liked by everyone, but you shouldn't, you shouldn't be. Cause and you're people pleasing and it's gonna attract in the ones that are meant, are meant to connect. So yeah, it's just so powerful.

What I was trying to say with that, it's true. Yeah, really, really is true. I mean how that's like when you own your true story and even when you start to own that grief and what you had to overcome. And so it's so scary for us to put ourselves out there. We can feel naked, we can feel exposed, and it's vulnerable.

Yeah.

And that vulnerability, though, ultimately is what I think today, we as human beings are craving more than anything. You know, we're not craving the same picture perfect, celebrity, kind of polished, you know, people we want to see behind the scenes. We want to know, like, what's really going on.

Right.

And we want to feel connection. We want to feel relatability, resonance.

Yeah.

And so when we can open up about our story and, you know, take people on that arc and you're sharing just truly authentically, your people find you, you know, and it also will repel the people that are not meant for you. That's why I feel like it's undefeated. You can own your story, but then practice becoming a storyteller the same way that you would practice any other skill, Whether you go to the gym or whether you go to learn piano or you want to learn any new skill, really practice this skill. I think it's the number one skill currently, right now in the world that will create the most amount of impact. And I feel growth in your business is storytelling, in my opinion.

Yeah, I completely agree. I love the analogy of it being like, a muscle that you build. So many people want to have the six pack before they go to the gym. Right. But, like, you just got to start building the muscle, and it only comes with repetition. Truthfully, like, the way in which I'm able to storytell now is very different. Just, like, laugh. I like. I just picture this girl in, like, lululemon, like, messy hair, afraid to tell her story like deer in the headlights, you know? But I also think there's a underlying beauty of it, is that when we're risking and when we're uncomfortable, it's going to pull up a deeper wound that we get to actually heal for ourselves. You spoke into does mine was this fear of being too much, which is something I continually still come up against in new ways. Right. Too much, taking up too much space. Too much. Right. But can you talk a little bit more about, like, that experience for you of, like, does this even matter? Or kind of the things that came up for you as you began playing at new levels and. New levels?

Yeah, for sure. Well, you know, I said that it's a skill, but it also. Storytelling is a modality, the same way that you would look at breath work or meditation or even, you know, plant medicine or any kind of transformational kind of modality. I Believe that storytelling heals others. You heal others through your story because they find a piece of themselves in that. But it also heals yourself.

Sure.

Because you're kind of excavating it. And the moment that we kind of start to release that so much of our trauma and pain is stored in the body. And it's such a beautiful way to kind of release it and not allow it to be so repressed and stuck and through that, through the throat chakra and like getting it out. I really do believe that we go from victim to victor. Many of us are victims of our story for a long time.

Yeah.

You know, this has happened to me. I don't even want to look at it. It's a skeleton. I'm ashamed of it. I feel guilt, shame, you know, all these things. The moment we kind of, you know, like, anytime, even in relationships, when you kind of just like if you feel something, that you did something, you own it and you fucking say it. It's so scary. But it's. Then you can, like, heal. You can be for that person sees your vulnerability and honesty. And whether they like you or not, they can respect you, respect that. And I just feel that, like, when we do that, you will be respected and. And not everyone will. Not everyone will be okay with. With, you know, with it. And like I said, I think that's part of the. Part of the process, but it's. You got to do it for you. And yes, it will heal others, but it just as much will heal yourself and do it for you by releasing it and sharing. What is it that you learned through this process? And, you know, what did you have to overcome? What has been that struggle? And then I also talk about the shadows. What are those shadows that came up for you during this part of your story? What did you learn about yourself? You know, for me, it was self worth. And that's a continuous thing that I've been working on throughout my entire life. I didn't think my story mattered. And I've struggled with self worth my whole life. And so for me, it was a lot of telling my story. Where I built, you know, companies that were putting content out. I was putting out 80 to 100 articles a day. 80 million people read my publication a month, scaled it to 50 million, but I was hiding on my story. So when the company sold and I had to tell my story and I had to now go into my grandmother passing away, what that was like for me, the trials and tribulations that I had to go through behind the scenes, my mental health and things that I had to go through to now get to where I am and even just open up about not feeling worthy, even my exit feeling, you know, that inadequate, like insecure about if I, if it was just luck or if I actually did, did this thing sell. The company was hard for me, but when I started talking about those things, it didn't have so much power over me anymore.

Yeah.

You know, and I was able to relate to others that you may be watch, watching this right now that also struggle with like owning their worth and knowing like no, you, you have overcome that stuff and you are powerful and you are worthy of the success and worthy of the, the love, the joy and the opportunities that now exist. And so I feel like opening up about these things and it's like your full story, but even on a day to day basis, like sharing more authentically what it is that you're, you're facing with. Because we go through all these different seasons in our lives and I think that when we have that mentality that we're not victims of our story, you know, that we were, the only thing that's happening is truly happening for us. When we truly believe that everything is happening in that divine alignment, then it's like let's, let's own it. Let's like get the juice out of these hardships in our life and share them and also like use it as a way for us to sharpen ourselves and get more newfound self awareness and then share that with the world. And by doing that, I believe that we will attract the people that were meant to impact.

Oh, I mean that was potent, right? Super potent. And as we're looking at that, you know, I think it really ties into this continual journey of learning, of ego death, of working with the light and the dark and the shadow. Because the truth is, anything that's a shadow also has a light side to it. Right. So we don't have to make it wrong. We just want to leverage it to use the words that you did. Right. Leverage it and work with it. So for somebody listening who's trying to understand, like maybe they're trying to elevate their path of growth, of you know, discovery, like what was that like for you? How did you find that path and like how could you support them in them deepening theirs?

That's a really great question. One, finding a mentor that you really resonate with. And I think that's really important. I wouldn't be the man that I am today without pursuing mentors in my life and finding mentors that I resonated with, you know, for instance, I'm going through one of the hardest challenges of my life over this last four or four months with the separation. It's been really difficult. I had the ability to call, I feel, one of my mentors recently, Brian Blair, who's been a really important mentor to me. I feel like, you know, God, I think, chooses certain people for you.

Yes.

And we just have a soul contract. I think we have a soul.

We absolutely do, George.

There's people have a soul contract with you that you're meant to impact in the world, and they're waiting for you to put yourself out there, to be bold, to be confident so they can find you. It's not just, like, in your love life, but I feel like, as mentors, like, I think everyone has that, like, purpose, that Dharma, you know, whether it's like, you're an uncle, when you're an aunt, a sister, brother, like, there's someone in your life that looks up to you. There's someone in your life that you're a role model to. And it's a really good feeling when you can help others.

Yeah.

You know, and so that's the reason why I love mentorship. So, one, seek a mentor. Find the person that resonates with you. When I saw Ryan Blair's book, From Gang Member to Multimillionaire, I was in a gang. I was like, this is my dude. I'm gonna pursue him, and I'm gonna do whatever it takes to get a meeting and to get in front of him and provide value. And now he's been one of my best friends, brothers, and mentors for the last 20 years. This guy's known me for a very long time. And so I'm really grateful for the mentorship. And I think friendship, it's a little different. But the reason why I say friendship is there's a pivotal moment in my personal growth, and it was when I threw an event, my first entrepreneurial event. It was 300 entrepreneurs. I was running an incubator in North New Jersey to give back to the inner city kids and teach entrepreneurship, emotional intelligence, and financial literacy in the middle school and the high school, as well as inviting entrepreneurs worldwide to come to the hood and learn in this integrator. With me, it was really a powerful experience. And at that point in time, I was playing Superman. I was, like, the successful guy. I had the exit. I was, like, doing it all. But deep down inside, I had a hole in my chest. Deep down inside, I had gone through a four and a Half year breakup. My. I had a family member that were facing suicidal thoughts. That was really important to me. I had just some really, some really dark stuff going on in my life at that time. And I didn't, I didn't know, I didn't share with anybody. I didn't really have any friends I could talk to about this stuff. And at my event, one of my, now one of my best friends, Daniel dipiaza, he came up to me after the event. He goes, ag, I can see that you, you're caring a lot. And he created an invitation. He talked to me, he listened to and he invited me to meet with a healer. And I had never heard of shamans and I didn't understand that world spirituality work. But for me, sometimes life comes down to invitations. And you got to have the discernment and intuition to say okay, is this, is this invitation for me? That time I was like, you know what? I just gave a speech about doing the hard thing, uncomfortable, uncertain thing that I learned. The other mention of mine, it's a Navy seal, I gave that speech. And this was when he gave this invitation to me to go out and sit with plant medicine for the very first time. It was very uncomfortable, hard and uncertain. So I said I gotta do it. And on the other side of that, and this is not for me to say that I'm as this in this for everyone. And you know, I truly believe that you can have massive healing and transformation without has been a very powerful modality for me right now. I've been going more deeply into my relationship with Christ and just stepping more deeply into a spiritual path that is sober and giving and really giving that, giving that a try. But plant medicine has created massive transformation for me and so that has worked for me that that gave me a deeper relationship to God, a deeper relationship to Christ and really to discover self love that really isn't taught. And so I that that was really big for me. And so pay attention to the invitations. Whether there's have to be a ceremony, but pay attention to men like your friends call you forth and they say let's go on that hike, right? Or you know, you get an invitation to listen to that podcast. Maybe it's this one. Maybe this is the sign, maybe this is the invitation that you've been waiting for. Pay attention to those invitations from the universe. And I really believe that last but not least, it's like loving yourself more and creating space to actually have more acts of love for you. How know what that is for you? It could be going and taking a bath, you know, taking a moment to go back. It could be going for, you know, walk with your mom. It could be, you know, going and taking that trip and just. And just going. But do that for yourself. And. And then for me, I just. That like, building that relationship with God is everything. And. And for me, I give all glory to God. If it wasn't for, you know, God, I feel like I want to be here today. And so.

Yeah. Oh, my gosh, so much there. Well, first, thank you for sharing courageously. I think when we talk about authenticity, for you to be able to share like the challenges and there is grief in relationship changes, right?

Yeah.

And I think it's important to understand grief because even as you are leveling up and ascending into new spaces, your relationships will change, your sense of self will change. And those are all little hidden parts of grief. But really interesting. I haven't heard it spoken into like that to pay attention to invitations. And I think so often people can be in that victim stance or why me? Or why isn't this happening for me? But they're oftentimes missing invitations.

Yeah, right.

Like the invitation's there, but we're not claiming it, or we're not taking it, or we don't know we're worthy of.

It or we're afraid of them.

Yeah. I mean, I'm sure there are many invitations that I rob ourselves. And I think the invitations many times are the healing and the lessons. Oftentimes I think, did my daughter Layden have to. And this is a hard one for me, but I often think that she have to come in here to fucking get her mom. Right. Because I was going on the wrong path and I was missing the invitation. I was missing the invitation. I was missing the signs. I was missing the signs. I often wonder if I hadn't missed those signs because I was definitely just living a life of should people. Pleasing, overextending myself, all of these things. Like, I was just. I was not awake or aware at all. So I don't really necessarily have anything other than you brought up this beautiful space for me to examine. Where else are invitations waiting for me? And so how might somebody even spot an invitation? How do they know if it's an invitation or a sign? Or like many times people are like, oh, no, it's coincidence. I don't believe in coincidences. But, you know, if somebody's wondering, is that an invitation? Is it coincidence? How do these things show up, gosh.

In so many different ways, Honestly, in your face way. How do I Say it like is. Is when some. Someone actually is inviting you to something. You know, like, that is definitely. I feel one way, you know, either the friend invites you, a family member invited you to something. Maybe you see that live streaming as an invit meditation.

Oh, yeah.

You get. There's just like a sign. You get that text, you get that email, like, and it's just like, have. I have been calling something like this in and so package to that. And one of my best friends right now is going through a really difficult time. We all go.

Right.

It's interesting. I've gotten to a place now, and I know that this may trigger some people because, hey, now we all want to act as if life is just smooth sailing and it's all grade school. Having the love of our lives and the best life possible.

Yeah. That would be nice.

I feel that, like, life really is seasons and. And I'm. Anytime I'll get to a high and I. I will really enjoy when it's good.

Yeah.

Because I know.

Yeah.

It's not gonna stay like this.

Yeah.

As much as I want it to. And you message Micah, have my mindset of, like, positivity. It's all.

Sure.

I just know that you can't have the light without the dark. Right. And what is life?

Right.

Right.

So it's boring.

But usually when you hit that corner and all of a sudden it's headed into this place, call it dark. You know, difficult, hard, whatever. That to me is an invitation. That's when it's like, okay, I'm uncomfortable. This is hard. This is difficult. You feel the emotion. You maybe made a mistake.

Yeah.

Like, I had to just have a tough conversation, my mom and dad about something. It was a really difficult conversation.

Really.

But if you feel that you need to have a difficult conversation, if you feel that you made a mistake, it's okay to make mistakes. Yeah. Those are the invitations for you to grow. That's where you. Can you say, okay, where can I take a little more responsibility? Where can I apologize, forgive myself a little more? Look at this situation. Things aren't aligned. Things are going wrong. This isn't working out for me. And that's the invitation to say, I'm not going to let this beat me down and be a victim to this. But what I'm going to do is use it as a invitation to say, what am I going to learn from this? You talk about being a lifelong student a lot.

Yes.

Right. It's like that, to me, is everything. There's one thing that I fear about Death. Oh, tell me that I will be able to stop the day I stop learning.

Wow, that's your fear of death.

My fear of death is it's going to be the day that I know like that's it. I'm not here learning important.

Mine is regrets. How do I live my life? So I don't have regrets. But I think what's interesting is for me to be able to not feel regretful is to be able to be in ownership of my mistakes and learn from them. Because I made a lot.

We all did.

I've made a lot. But I was speaking into this recently that actually there's a level of capital to mistakes almost revenue if you choose to learn from it. Yes. Because now you're just garnering capital, experience capital, a self worthiness capital that knowing that you're still worthy. Right. Responsibility capital for being in responsibility. But you're garnering all this capital resilience capital. Right. And now you can actually leverage that in the market marketplace of life. You know.

So true. A lot of times when like I have someone who wants to work with me, I can support you and finding the path that is in most alignment and share my experience of what has worked. But really you're hired me because I'm going to try to tell you, I'm going to tell you more of what won't work. I made so many mistakes. You don't value that. We don't value all the failures and mistakes and the things. But there's such value. That's what I told my friend. Yeah, I'm like we're right now like milking.

Yes. Yeah.

You're feeling down and low right now. Milking, learning about yourself. What are those shadows that are coming up, you know? And just where can you take more responsibility? Where can you start to create that opportunity for yourself to shift from the victim mentality and what has happened to you to. For you. Because that's it. That's the growth that. And there's just massive growth on the other side of anytime that we're in those places. And so it's almost like, it's almost like just as high as the highs.

Right.

Because we look at the lows. It's like oh, it's bad, bad and good. There's no, there's no bad or good. This is just what it is and seeing it as valuable. They're both valuable and to your point.

Be present for your experience. As you were saying, like when something is going really well, I am enjoying it. So many times people miss it because One, worried about losing it or two, taking it for granted.

Right.

And I think how can we be present for our highs and our lows? Be present for your lows and will actually pass more quickly. Work through them, nurture them, release them, talk about them. Right. Be present for it. But there's a sacredness.

That's the word right there. Yes.

Right?

Yes, yes. 100.

Like my pain is sacred.

Yes.

My grief is sacred.

Hallelujah.

There's no good or bad. And when we can actually have reverence and see the sacredness in this whole human experience, we can risk more and live more.

And it's honored. Right. It takes zooming out and then you can say, how can I, how can this have happened for me where I can learn, waiting. Where's the opportunity right now going through this. How can I honor my daughter?

Right.

How can I grow as a man? And we really own our story and we own all these things. It gives us the opportunity to step up and I feel like honor the people that we love most.

Yeah.

By stepping up and leading.

Yeah.

Like, okay, I'm gonna lead now my life. I'm not going to be one that's going to just be playing victim and laying down on the floor. I'm going to get up, be resilient and I'm going to love my life.

Yeah.

I'm going to hold my life as sacred. All of it. In honor of my grandparents that sacrificed their lives. Blood, sweat, tears. In honor of my daughter, in honor of Laden and just all of the people that believe in you.

Truthfully, I'm like, you want to love and appreciate the people in your life.

Yeah. Right.

Show up for yourself. Because the more you do that, the more you're actually taking advantage and leveraging your God given gifts. It is so powerful. And. And truthfully, you know, how would it have been honoring Layden if I didn't share? Like, what am I doing? I'm holding her story and her legacy and her impact because I'm afraid of what people think. I'm afraid of being too much. How is that honoring her? What the is our soul contracts? What do we have going on here? That Cuz, man, I know le and I had one. Like you said you and Ryan did. There are certain people I meet and you're one of those. But I think what I'm most proud about in our friendship is. And anyone listening doesn't know, Gerard was my mentor. And I remember witnessing this with you and Ryan Blair was when we were in LA at one of your events and he was speaking into how it was witnessing him being your mentor and then watching you step into your own power, building these communities, and you express something like that. Similarly recently for me at the event, and it brought me back to that moment because I remember watching you guys and being like, wow, that's so beautiful. But I think what I'm most proud of, of our friendship, mentorship, work, collaboration, whatever the hell label you want to put on it. We've chosen to step and lead with love in the quote unquote bad, which is never bad. It's all learning. But I really think our souls were kind of like, like, you're gonna learn from each other. And like, for me, you've really helped me learn and been a mirror for a lot of my pain in the masculine things I project or places I close or patterns I repeat and invite back in. And when you talked about Wachuma, Wachuma kicked my ass. Or you talk about plant medicine in particular, but Wachuma kicked my ass.

For those who don't know, Wachuma is a practice plant medicine that is a grandfather plant. So, like, Ayahuasa is more of a grandmother. It's a little more of like, a feminine, Although it can beat your ass too. And Wachuma is similar, is more like a grandfather essence. So it has this masculine feel to. It's more grounded, but it can kick your ass, especially if you need work on the masculine side, 100%.

And I know that I'm here healing things well beyond me, as we all are, right? But, like, I'll never forget when we were working with plant medicine with Chuma that day, the group. And that's. It's not normally something you are in a group, right? With. And the facilitator was like, normally, I don't, like, kind of allow or, like, I'll encourage people to not be in a group. He goes, but you guys were working through something. The whole group was working through it. For me, like, people were like that, are you guys seeing this? This isn't mine. And I was like, it's mine. It was so powerful. But I feel like you in the 3D have been like, a plant medicine for me. And what I'm meant to he. I'm just getting there. But I really feel like I am finally in a place where I'm just very ready to be open and soft and feel safe in the masculine. And you've been a huge part of that. So I don't know what our soul contract was, but I think you fulfilled that duty. So invoice make. No.

That is so, so huge. Thank you for that. And you mentioned having these soul contracts being similar to plant medicine. And I just want you guys to know that, like, you are medicine, you are medicine. We are medicine. And when we can actually recognize our medicine and recognize that our story, our essence, our words, the way we care, the way we love, the way we see our presence, our listening, all of these things that we a lot of times take for granted.

Sure.

Strip it all down. You, who you 100, your soul, your spirit is medicine, is medicine for this world. And it's medicine for very specific people along your journey. And that to me is legacy.

Yes.

Legacy is such. This thing we talk about so much. And a lot of the time it's looked at as money and what you accumulate, what you pass down. And God knows I want to pass down an inheritance of wealth and money and those things. But more than anything in the world, take all that away. It's the impact of how I touch people's hearts, the way I've been able to be medicine for others, the wisdom I passed down to my kids and grandkids and children that I meant to touch and help and serve and just the way I've been able to elevate humanity. And I think these soul contracts, the healing that happens between relationships. And I'm talking about your friends, Exes.

Yeah. You know, thank them.

Partners, thank them, thank them. Because it's, it is, it really is all medicine. It's revealing things to us. And similarly, you were helping me simultaneously to step into more of the safe masculine and step into a deeper level of integrity within myself. And look at where, where have I, you know, overstepped it? Where have I betrayed or where have I hurt you? Or have it been my word and things like that? There are shadows of mine because I could be a quick start in all.

Yeah.

And so you help sharpen me in the mask as well. And so, you know, it's a truly a two way street and honestly, a friendship because I'm best friends with people that I've, that I served, that served me, which took me a while too. That was another big thing for me. I was like, oh my gosh, can I be best of friends with someone I'm working with? And so, I mean, it was like, yes, I can be created. But thank you for sharing that with me because I feel also that there is a huge shift on the planet happening.

Yeah.

With masculine, finally, us men understanding what it means to be a man and reclaiming that masculinity. Which is something that I'm really devoted on working on. And it took me into my late 30s to understand what it means to be a man and what safety even means. Someone's talking about safety to young men.

I know.

What does it even mean to be safe? Physically, spiritually, emotionally, how to create that? And so many other things. The integrity piece and the ability to walk with honor and. And just so many pieces about masculinity really being able to stand strong in the fire and stand up for what we believe in.

Sure.

So I've been really working on. On that. It's something that I'm now creating brotherhood in my life. And I've created a new brotherhood opportunity for men that are out there, that want to come into brotherhood. And I think at the same time, women I'm seeing rise up in their divine feminine. And, like, there's this beautiful. I feel on the planet, new, like, integration, balance of the masculine and feminine within both of ourselves. Because what women had to go through, it's. How could you feel safe? Like, what we have done to you and being suppressed for as long as you've been suppressed and not having rights and not being able to go out there and see value outside of just bringing a child into the world, which, by the way, in itself is more than enough. You're literally portals. But then it's like, women didn't have the right to. To have the ability to go out there and build their careers. And now women now are freaking doing that, and they're living a life of purpose with being a mother and with being a divine feminine partner.

Yeah.

You know, while still going out and living your. Your dharma, even beyond that. And I think for a long time, women didn't actually were scared to do that, to own their voice. You could probably talk more about that, but I just know that men played a big role in not. Not creating that safety, not empowering the feminine to go out there and to build and to. And I feel like women are better leaders than men. The women I've worked with, they're. They're unbelievable. And so you. I think that women are super women. I look at my mother, and I've seen what she's done, and I look at the women in my life about that, but I just know that men played a big role in not. Not creating that safety, not empowering the feminine to go out there and to build and to. And I feel like women are better leaders than men. Women I've worked with, they're. They're unbelievable. And so you. I think that women are super women. I look at my mother and I've seen what she's done, and I look at the women in my life, the mother of Skyla, what she's created and how she's leading Isla and doing all the things I just. I see you all are just absolutely super women. And I'm really excited about this new rise in. In the divine feminine that are actually dropping into their feeling safe while living their life of purpose, coming into motherhood and going from maiden to mother. And men that are now learning what it means to be safety, to create that safety, to be man of integrity, man of honor, men of honor and men of God. That is good.

I have a lot of emotion coming up right now in a beautiful way, and I feel like this is like, well, we're supposed to drop into this a little bit because I do think that, you know, I was kind of joking, but not when I said, what are our soul contracts? And I think, like, honestly, we're doing some work together and we have done some work within ourselves, but that can ripple into the collective because I find I'm attracting more and more women in who desiring to be able to feel safety and dropping and into their surrender, into their. Their feminine. You can't attract it in until you. You do that. Right. Whereas, if you remember the version of me when I first met you, I was very in my masculine fight or flight. Like, I was very much like, just go harder. Grind grit, figure it out. I was never a mean person because you are who you are. But when I was younger, feminine to me meant putting, you know, the caretaking in a way that was people pleasing and putting myself out and almost a little bit of martyr. Right. That was my understanding. And then I probably went into a lot of the survival masculine and to your point, the whole feminism movement from decades before. While that's not what I align with in terms of how we see. I think that we're equal in our souls, but men and women are masculine and feminine. They serve very different roles.

I don't. We're due to. We're different.

Yeah. I don't want to be the hunter.

We need that polarity. If we don't have that polarity, then it's like it doesn't work.

Right. But I think that movement did have to come up, likely because of all the suppression that happened. And now I think we're shifting and finding calibration.

Yes.

And balance in the duality. Because even as an entrepreneur, and this is something that I've. I asked myself Questions a lot. Will a masculine understand that? Like, I don't actually want to run the show in my personal life. Right. But yes, I think a lot of the women are figuring that out of how do I run my business and live my life of mission and purpose, but then fall into my feminine and surrender? And I really do think, to your point, that is like, what we are figuring out right now is like a collective. Like, we're not. It's this. You know, I used to worship from a place of almost validate me. I would want the masculine to validate me and I would worship from that place. And now I worship from a place of honor. Right. I don't know if that makes sense. I don't know if you get where I'm going. But like, my understanding of the feminine before was like, well, we worship like men are up here. And it's like, I need them to validate me or I need them to take care of me or I need this. And now it's, I worship from a place of like, you are so divine.

Yeah.

As a man, as the master, I honor you. But. But I also am very worthy of myself.

Yes. Equally worthy of that in my feminine.

Yes.

Just simply because I am a woman.

Yes.

Right. And I think what you're bringing up is just so beautifully said. You just have such a beautiful way. Because she's like one of the greatest teachers. Great way of pulling it together in a way that I think resonates so well and teaches.

Thank you.

And I just think that's. That's so powerful. Coming back to that.

Yeah. Please.

Simplicity of man and woman. Yeah. As I mean, in like reading the Bible.

Yeah.

Learning about that polarity and the important to that. I know that can be triggering a lot of people with the Bible. There's a lot even in the scripture and things like that from the olden days. Like, how is this making sense? But there is this polarity that it's clear that God made women and man.

Yes.

And. And we play different roles. And if we can come back and strip away because we live in this crazy time now, things have been so thousands of years later. But we can get back to just like the simplicity of man and woman and really honoring. I love that word because, like my map, I knew man's mastermind is guards of honor.

Really? I didn't even know that. Of course. You guys make sure to scope that out.

And so I just love that, like, coming into really honoring each other for who we really are. And yeah. I understand the struggle. I witnessed I witnessed a lot of it and it's something I'm like deeply desiring also. It's like working on myself to be the safety, to create that level of safety where a woman feels so able to fully surrender. At the same time I think there's opportunity for women to create that for themselves. 100 and that's not talked about a lot. It's all. A lot is put on man just to be the ones who create a. All the safety. And I think there's also the opportunity for. Yes, we get to learn that. I'm learning. I've just been learning that. What does that really mean? Which I go into more detail and like what I'm learning is with the women like providing that safety for themselves so much so that they can really let go. And then from that list we can really meet each other as just real simply like the man and the woman. And that, that, that duality and that polarity from that place where we're both coming in from a place of safety I think is really powerful. And then from there we step up and wrap you as a protector and protect. As the provider.

Yeah.

You know, and as the partner and can wrap you in that. But I feel that a lot of times the woman is just relying so much on the man to provide the safety.

Yes.

And there is I think coming into that relationship with God. And I think a lot of people are triggered by God as a masculine. I think that, that there's a huge opportunity for women to go into a deeper relationship with God as a heavenly father, to heal and reintegrate the relationship with the masculine, with the heavenly father and create the level of safety within themselves through God. And so much so that it doesn't matter about this man, how he is. Because I'm good with God.

Yes.

And then from that place now you can be a witness to this man. Is he really going to be your protector and your provider? And he said observe and make your decisions accordingly. And he gets to show up in that.

I cannot even explain how important I feel like this is to speak into. Because if I'm looking at 10 years ago version of Melissa, I wanted so badly for my partner to make me whole. I wanted him to just take care of me in a way that was not healthy because I didn't have confidence. I didn't trust myself. I was very fear based. And it's interesting because obviously the show started on grief and I've spoken into this in an episode before but I began learning this lesson, this concept that you were that you were just speaking into. In my grief journey, I'll never forget what happens after a child dies. Well, it's. It's arguably the worst thing you could ever go through. Right. And you know, the only thing that I actually like, the. The one thing that I think I can't imagine, to be honest, and this is a little bit of a detour, is human trafficking, sex trafficking, because you've lost your child, but, like, you don't actually know if you've lost your. Lost your child. Right. So when I think about that a lot, actually, it's going to be something. Yeah. I cried that whole movie. And I called Mike Michalowitz after crying, and I said, I need to edit the book to include a child chapter on the grief of human trafficking, because that is a grief that I don't hear spoken about in the form of grief. Obviously, people are speaking about it, but I think we need to understand the grieving process of that, because I can't imagine. But what I was starting to say was when I. When I was grieving Laden, in the original days, I had a grief therapist. Thank goodness she saved me. But everyone's like, well, where is. Insert my daughter's father. Where is he? What's he doing for you? How is he doing this? And you talk about the societal pressures on men. Everyone in my life was putting all this pressure on, like, well, what's he doing to fix you and make sure you're okay? Now, he had a daughter from his first marriage, and he was in job transition, so he was not employed at this time. So he's needing a job. He wants to be with his daughter. He's navigating a lot. Right. And so he literally didn't have much to give because talk about feeling like a failure, for lack of a better word, when maybe the first marriage didn't work with that child, and then you lose your second child, and then you don't have a job. So I can incredibly empathize with where he was at. And society was putting all this pressure on natural society. Default is what is he doing. Right.

Yeah.

Anyway, so I go to my grief therapist office, and my grief therapist had me make a ladder. Two ladders. And what are the most important things in your ladder in your life right now? And what is his ladder? And showing me mine was just my grief. Layden Layton was like, wrong. 1, 2, and 3. Right. And he's like, daughter who's alive, finding a new job. This grant. Right. So it was very interesting because it showed me at that time that in my partnership with Layden's father that I actually had to be responsible and be okay on my own for my own grief. And anything that he did to come into your kind of visual before was going to be an addition and an expansion and fast forward, it's been 10 years now, but 10 years later, I actually feel like I embody that in my life where I trust myself so much.

Yeah.

I feel so complete, so whole, so happy. I really do. Anyone that comes in, I'm. They get to like hold me and provide. But it is not from a place of need.

Right.

It is from a place of expansion and co creation and duality. Because we need that duality.

Yeah. And you get to have that. Thank you for sharing all.

Yeah.

I feel as us again, us men, we're behind women. I think you're so much more advanced. They, they have understood their bodies and understood their just their gifts and their essence for a lot longer than men. And like that we really lost the initiation, what it means to be a man. Especially here in the west, in society. There's been a loss of rite of passage. And now you're starting to see a lot more men's movements come up. It's really beautiful to see now that that is a. Actually happening. And the truth of the matter is though, that we have this new generation of men that are coming, that are being, that are raising, that are rising up, that are now raising, stepping up as devoted fathers, as devoted partners. But many of us are needed. We're healing the little boy. We're healing the, the parts of ourselves that grew up and didn't have. Have great examples of what it means to be a man of God or a man of honor.

Sure.

And there, there's a huge epidemic. I mean, research shows the massive gap in fatherless homes with men that, you know, didn't know how to process their emotions. They felt so much shame and guilt and all these things. And it's not to give them any excuse. It actually pisses me off that so many of these men have abandoned their kids and that have not shown up. There's also a ton of homes where women have kicked men out that have caused these divorces. They don't even want the father to be around. As I'm continuing to do research, it's just there's a huge issue right now with men that have destroyed homes, destroying their families. They're just indestructive and destroyed because they just don't know how to heal themselves. And there's also been a lot of think A lot of spiritual attacks on families that are happening right now. A lot of women also that don't trust the masculine, that then, you know, push the masculine out and have grace for a man and what he's growing and how he's. He's rising. A lot of expectation. And I think for the first time, what I'm witnessing is men that really care, men that really want to do the work right now.

Yeah.

That we ought to be devoted and men of honor and men of God. And I'm really proud to see a lot of these millennials that are men out here that are doing the fucking work.

Doing the work.

They're going in, they are doing the work. And so I know women are doing the work. And there gets to be some space where we really can see each other and create the opportunity for this shield awakening awakened masculine and this healed awakened feminine to come together and come into a relationship and then build family, a healthy family, because we need that. There's so many broken families. These have been attacked. And I think that, like, to me, when I do think about legacy, I think there's no greater legacy. Yes. Touching hearts and pain, transformation. But a lot of times those people love, even remember. But you know, who will be there. Your kids, kids, your wife, your. Your husband, like your family, you know? And so I pray, I pray that, like, men heal and step into the awakened masculine, the sacred, basically. And that they lead from the heart, that they lead and be the rocks and befuddles, provide safety, that they are providers, protectors, strong partners, that they are men of God and truly create a holy relationship that holds up a relationship sacred and create beautiful families and keep those families together. Because that, to me, is like what the world needs to learn how to make a relationship before with the masculine and that so that they can drop fully to being the mothers, the child, and the portals and the lovers that they are, that we as men, we need, that we have been sung. But I, I, I didn't realize how much I, I need that love. Just recently. And I think about my mother's love. I was like, man, you know, like, I do need that love. Like, I, I do need a woman that empowers me and sees me and Godfrey, that nurtures sensual and affectionate. Like, we need that. Because that is like fuel, like pipe in war, the mind of it, you know, kill for. So I'm ranting here. No, I want to really say this thing's really fresh on my heart. I mean, going through this separation and, like, you know, it's Everything that I desire. Learned so much about this. So Tonkin are.

Yeah, well, I want to make sure people know where to find you. But before that I just want to. That was beautiful. That was like a beautiful prayer. I was like, wow, he's channeling right now. But I think something that, you know, as you were speaking, we've really shifted or we are shifting from it being kind of a power thing between male or female. Really, we're looking masculine feminine. It used to be more an equality conversation and I don't believe that it's a hierarchy of better than worse. It's a duality of completion, of co creation. Right. And it's when we approach it from this place of secretness, like my heart melts when I envision like the masculine, the warrior going out there and like battling and providing. I don't want to do that. Right. But actually what I do love is like the envisioning of like my gosh. And then when he returns, he needs like the gasoline. Right? He needs like the gasoline that love. Because even though he's out there battling, he's this human heart and soul. And I think that that is something that the feminine, when they're fully embodied and they're not like, I need, I need, I need, they can provide that. And I just like, as you are urging the masculine right. To do this work, like, I want to urge the feminine to like look at the sacred. Masculine. Masculine.

Yeah.

And not from pedestaling them and not from cowering to them, but can you be that gasoline? Because even though they're out there fighting, battling, protecting, like their heart needs to be loved and held. And I, I, you mentioned it earlier that there's a lot of pressure on the masculine. And I think that pressure is actually what drives a lot of what hasn't worked. That pressure is a driver of what hasn't worked. Because when the masculine doesn't have, have somewhere to turn and this pressure is of course it's going to come out in unhealthy, toxic ways. Of course. So can we as the feminine help the masculine heal in a way that we are leading with grace and love?

Yeah.

And not pressure. And also honoring. Like they may be out there freaking slaying and hunting and doing all this, but like it's a human soul.

Yeah, for sure. Yeah. And like letting go of expectation and really seeing, acknowledging the mask. It feels really good when the feminine like acknowledges, like, yeah. See the work you're doing anywhere.

Yeah.

I see the sacrifice. I see you going out there about like, I see you I appreciate fuel.

Yeah.

You know, and I think that there's been a lot of emasculation that has happened over the years. A lot of just, oh, it's toxic masculine and like, a lot of these expectations. And I understand because of what we've created, you're equally responsible for why we are in the position we were in and why we were receiving that. And, like, it's time now to. I feel like, for us men to step the fuck up and be the men that are needed in this world so that women actually can fucking see us, appreciate us, acknowledge. I feel like for us men to step the fuck up and be the men that are needed in this world so that women actually can fucking see us, appreciate us, acknowledge us, empower us, us. Love us the way that we get to be loved. And then let's see what kind of empire we built. Let's see what kind of kingdom I'll just empower us, love us the way that we get to be loved. And then let's see what kind of empire we build. Yeah, let's see what kind of kingdom we build for our women. Then let's see, like, what kind of homes we can create. Because I'm like, we build for our women. Then let's see, like, what kind of homes we can create. Because I'm like, to me, we have that. It's like, man, many of us, we don't even know that version of us. What is that version of us? Like, I want that version of me where I, like, I have that, you know, I have that type of partnership and experience of the duality of the masculine and feminine. I know that guy is. Is. Is only going to continue to really transcend and elevate, and I want to see what that creates for. For the feminine.

Yes. Oh, and it's so beautiful. And like, feeling the privilege of being.

Able to me, when we have that, it's like, man, many of us, we don't even know that version of us. What is that?

To do the work. Like, it's a privilege to choose into doing the work because it is version of us.

Like, I want that version of me where I, like, I have that, you know, I have that type of partnership and experience. Experience of the duality of the masculine.

Is a collective experience. It's not just for an individual. Because as you're saying, if the masculine goes out there and does that feminine.

I know that guy is. Is. Is only going to continue to that.

Well, now can the feminine. But, like, can we bring this sacredness and this Worship. And I use the word worship intentionally.

I used to be triggered by that word. Now I like, I love it. Now I'm like, oh, my God. Like, hold up.

We can worship. Yeah.

Like, really transcend, elevate. And I want to see what that creates for you. For the feminine.

Yes. Oh, and it's so beautiful. And like, feeling the privilege of being able to. We worship the masculine in a sense of like, gosh, if we can be like, you're. That's. In my opinion, like, that is a way. And not worship in a better than. As you know. I just want to reinforce that like, just in a sacredness and a reverence and a.

Like, yeah.

Like, oh, my God. Like, you go battle. You know, like, thank you. Like, and to do the work. Like, it's a privilege to choose into doing the work. Because it is. See you. I see you. I think worshiping is a way of seeing someone's greatness in their soul.

And the reverence and the art. Right. Like, same way with, like, your body.

Yeah. Is a collective experience. It's not just for an individual. Because as you're saying, if the masculine goes out there and does it portal? Yeah.

Right.

Yes.

And vice versa. Like with us and our fucking cock and.

Yeah. Yes.

But. But then also our roles.

Well, now can the feminine. But, like, can we bring the sacredness and this worship. And I use the word worship intentionally.

Triggered by that word. Now. I like, I love it.

Correct.

Right.

And God didn't design us that way by accident.

100.

Right.

And like, yo, that kind of relationship is the relationship that I. What I see, I see when I watch 300 with Leonidas and his wife, that relationship. I'm curious for you. Who's a relationship that inspires you right now?

Oh, that's so interesting.

Now I'm like, oh, my God. Like, hold up.

We can worship. Yeah. Like, I don't know that I have actually, like, honestly, the relationship that I envision in my head. Can we worship the masculine in a sense of like, gosh, if we can be like. Like, you're for myself is the one that inspires me.

That's beautiful.

Like, because I know how I'm gonna show up. I know how I'm going to amplify my, like, you know, providers. Like, I know. And I'm so excited for myself and I'm so excited for that person. You know, I used to say. I mean, they're divorced now, but I used to say, Tom and Giselle I loved because she's very much in her feminine and in her power. And she was so supportive. Like, you know, I'm a New England Patriots fan, but I love seeing her in his jerseys just, like, cheering him on. And that's, in my opinion, like, that is a way. And not worshiping a better than as. You know, I just want to reinforce that like, just in a sacredness and a reverence and a. Like, you know, he's such a driver and a hunter and relentless.

Tony Robbins and his wife. Like, Like, I was seeing her, you know, there at the events and like, the way she.

Like, oh, my God. My God. Like, you go battle. You know, like, thank you.

Like, and she's Is the mother and she. She's the home caretaker. It doesn't work without her. She's the glue, you know. And so, like, a lot of tradition, like, when I look, I just went to.

I see you. I see you. I think worshiping is a way of seeing someone's greatness in their Jewish wedding.

And I was speaking to the matriarchs of the. Those families, the grandmothers now creating the initiation for their daughter to step into that.

That.

And we're talking about it and it was really interesting. So in the reverence and the eyes. Right. Like, same way with like, your body.

Yeah.

Seeing the. The strength of the matriarch.

Yeah.

Said like all of these grandmothers. And then there was such a huge strength on this. Four grandfathers. Like a huge creature. And I think, you know, there's been a lot of negativity when we hear about, like, patriarch portal.

Yeah.

Right.

Yes.

Invert and vice versa. Like with us and our cocky and all that. But I feel like there's. When we can take out all of the stigmatism. Really look at, like, it's important to have matriarch and patriarchy. A masculine.

Yes.

Women. The matrix. Really important. They're the ones who are like, they take care of the whole family. It doesn't work without you. You are the. The life force of it.

Yeah. Yes.

But then also our roles.

Correct.

Right.

And God didn't design us that way by accident.

100.

Right.

Home. You know, you bring the love and the life into the home. Baskin provides the walls that protect. Like, we're gonna go out there, we're gonna make sure that it's protected, and we're going to make sure that, you know, it is provided for. And we would do anything. Get the shirt off our back diet. We can go to war. We go to war. We're going to protect that. That family. And we're going to provide as the best Possible quality of life for the women.

Yeah.

And like yo, that kind of relationship is the relationship that I. What I see when I watch 300 with Leonidas and his wife. That.

Yes.

Relationship. I'm curious. There's one thing that they talked about that I felt was not really being talked about publicly as much. It's sacrifice. And at first it's me a little triggered at this. Right. We mean sacrifice. If you sacrifice so much, it doesn't be need to. It is. I used to be told by the feminine, like, it just doesn't need to be so hard for you. Who's a relationship that inspires you right now.

Oh, that's so interesting. Yeah.

This doesn't need to be so hard. And I'm like, okay, that's okay. Get it right.

I don't know that I have actually, like, honestly the relationship that I envision.

In my head, like an easeful, easy relationship. Why is it easy? It's not. And at the altar, the rabbi said, look, you're gonna get bored. It's gonna get hard. But this is about everlasting love, not love that's based on time. If everlasting love is beyond time and space, beyond. When you die. Yes. You're gonna create grandkids legacy.

Yeah.

And then that means that it's gonna take sacrifice. There's gonna be moments where things get real for myself. Yeah.

Is the one that inspires me.

That's beautiful.

Like because I'm really difficult.

Or you get bored and. And can you sacrifice for each other as the woman can?

You know how I'm going to show up. I know how I'm going to amplify.

My sacrifice, you know, for what it takes to take care of that home and take care of the kids. Can the man sacrifice as well as to like, you know, do what he has to do as a hunter? And I think that that conversation is an interesting one because I know women. I'm curious, what are your thoughts on that?

Like, you know, providers, like. I know. And I'm so excited for myself and I'm so excited for that person. You know, I used to say. I mean, they're divorced now, but I used to say, Tom and Giselle. I love. I love it so much. Like, you know, I think personally I just put something up on social media recently and said, can we instead of seeing this because she's very much in her feminine and in her power and she was so supportive, like sacrifice. Can we see it as privilege?

Okay.

Right. You believe it is at the root sacrifice in the way in which we understand it. But. But can we actually change our perspective and work on this relationship? What a privilege it is for me to. Honestly, I see a reverence. I know we're kind of using this. You know, I'm a New England Patriots fan, but I love seeing her in his jerseys just, like, cheering him on and. But it's really important to me, a reverence and me honoring my partner or future partner's needs in a way that may not feel good even all the time, like hearing not from a place of victim or martyr, but actually, like, when this hurts, like me honoring, like, your need to go do something that I don't want you to do. You know, he's such a driver and a hunter and relentless.

Tony Robbins and his wife. Like, I was seeing her, you know, there at the events and, like, the way she.

But if I can be in a place of honoring and providing the space and the love, and I feel a burn. Yeah, there's a reverence in the burn.

Sure.

And so, like, I think sacrifice can create a burn, but I think there's a reverence and a privilege in that. And I. That lights me up, like, because it's bigger than me.

100.

It's bigger than me.

It's the same for the man. Jesus is the mother, and she. She's the home caretaker. It doesn't work without her. She's the glue, you know? And so, like, a lot of tradition, like, when I look at. It's like, there's going to be things that in times. And I've. Something I had to go through. It's. You don't want to do certain things, but can you suck it up? You do it.

Yeah.

It's meaningful to your woman.

Right.

Where you show up what her desires are, what her needs are.

Yeah.

Like, there just needs to sacrifice, and then there needs to be that, like, balance correct. Right. Like, if there's not this reciprocity, it doesn't work. If there's not this podcast, and I was speaking to the matriarch of the. Of those families, the grandmothers now, creating the initiation for their daughter to step into that. And we were talking about it, and it was really interesting. Charity, it doesn't work.

Yeah.

Right. One person's the penetrator. One person received.

It's just how. It's biology.

Right?

It's biology.

It needs to be biological. If the man is too much in his feminine.

Yeah.

You know, no, it. It's not going to work with the seeing, the. The strength of the matriarch.

Yeah.

Said like all Luki's grandmothers. And then there was such a huge strength on this.

Yeah.

Four grandfathers. She needs to feel your rock strength.

Yeah.

Right.

Yeah.

We need the nurturer.

Yeah.

You're coming home, you're working all day and you care more about your business. Being the CEO of your business and coming home wanting to be the CEO and man of the house. No, it's not going to be none for attraction. And I. That was something that, you know, and I think, you know, there's been a lot of negativity when we hear about like preacher. It's. I think it's just something that's hard. You know, that. But I feel like there's. When we can take out all of the stigmatism, it's difficult because we want to see our women's also be embossed. Like, I want an ambitious business woman, but can she come and drop that ambition instead? Drop into her feminine?

Yeah.

You know, that. That's me is where there's a lot, I think a big opportunity. And then for me on my side, I'm curious. It's like, you know, can we stop too?

Yeah.

Because if we're always coming home and we're still in our. How many men are coming home and we're working? So I know a lot of men and they're still working till 10, 11 o' clock at night. You're not seeing their kids really look at like, it's important to have matriarch and patriarch. A masculine.

Yes.

Feminine. Their woman. They're not loving on her. They're not kissing on her. They're not being affectionate woman. The women, the matrix, really important. They're the ones who are like, they take care of. They're not doing their part either. They just expect to come home, be on their phones, working, and then get food served and just, you know, get what they want. No, there needs to be that. That balance.

Oh, you know, oh, my gosh, this is just so good. Like. And of course, like, we were talking about our soul contracts and I said.

No, always the whole family. It doesn't work without you. You are the. The life force of a home. You know, you bring the love and the life into your home. Baskin provided.

No, of course, you know, women like that. But I think I don't have any desire to be the boss. And I think there's almost actually the polarity and the duality makes it really sacred. Like, okay, I'm gonna go run the show here. I'm gonna. On my teams. I'm going to do this and even then I'm like so very.

The walls that protect like we're going to go out there, we're going to make sure that it's protected and we're going to make sure that you know, it is provided for and we would do anything, get the shirt off our back.

Maternal in that way. But like you, you partner, you get to see me surrender. I get. You get to see my brain shut off. You get to see the full trust. Not many spaces get that.

Yeah.

And I actually think there's almost this balance if you work with it correctly of it can be more special for your partner to have you in the feminine diary.

We can go to war. We're going to era we're going to protect that family. We're going to provide as the best possible quality of life for the women.

Yeah. When you also have other places that you're in your masculine. Because not everyone gets to have that part of you. Right. Not everyone gets to have that. It's not just like not everyone gets to experience your most soft surrendered state. Right. And how is that like how are we making that special for our partner when we can do that?

Yeah. I know it's not. It can't be easy. Especially when, you know as women that are playing a big game, you know, use a lot of responsibility. There's one thing that they talked about that I felt was not really being talked about publicly as much and it's sacrifice. I get it. Got a lot. Some of these women I follow, I'm like nice. And at first let's be a little triggered at this. Right. We mean sacrifice. If you'll be sacrificed so much and you guys are building eight figure companies. I mean it's a lot. You know, so I, I totally watch it doesn't need it is. I used to be told by the feminine like it just doesn't need to be so get it. But I mean I just think in a vision coming home with that hard.

Yeah.

It just doesn't need to be so hard. And I'm like okay, that's okay. Get it right. You want those Surrender.

Yeah.

And shutting down and like that Love.

Yeah.

You know that juiciness.

Yeah.

Like that. That's something that I pray that we start seeing a lot more of that.

I think it's beautiful and you know, it's interesting. So as I began healing I noticed like, I mean it's a long journey. Right. It's never a finish line. I feel like we're just constantly new levels. Right.

But like an easeful, easy relationship. Why is it easy? It's not.

And after all I said and someone called me this recently and I really do feel like my hunter. I feel like my person is getting closer.

The rabbi said, look, you're gonna get bored. It's gonna get hard.

But then closer and closer, you know, And I'm just like waiting. I'm not anxious. I'm not like whatever, like you know. But I've been called the business housewife more and more recently. And I realize it's almost this.

This is about everlasting love. Not love that's based on time and forever lasting love is beyond place because.

Like I hold down the house and I'm like, hey, let me organize and take care of everything. This is just for my, my clients, like not my group. I'm coaching. Right. But like for my private clients. Let me hold down the house. Let me hold on for. Let me organize everything for you. And I realized that I actually love that so much.

I'm in space beyond. When you die, you're going to create grandkids legacy.

Yeah. From the feminine, not the masculine. Whereas the you might look at my work and be like, wow, that's you know, very masculine the systems. But I actually love it because I'm like, go out there and do your thing. I got it. Like I'll hold down the house.

You know, in the business you're still starting to play. And then that means that it's gonna take sacrifice. There's gonna be moments where things get weird. This idea.

Yes.

Like you're the feminine.

Right.

And it's organizing, taking care of. Really difficult. Or you get bored. And can you sacrifice for each other as the woman. Can you?

Yeah. I'm going to make sure you can.

Go out there hunt.

You go hunt.

See, that's amazing.

Isn't that cool? That's come about recently.

And of course all my is like the partnership too. That I think is really cool. And I see Grant Cardone and Elena Cardone.

Yeah.

Sacrifice, you know, for what it takes to take care of that home and take care of the kids. Can the man sacrifice? You know, it's cool because then couple then kind of comes together and they bridge their two world as well as to like, you know, do what he needs to do as a hunter. And I think that that conversation holds.

Yeah.

And you do it in that way.

Yeah.

Like that to me is something that I I and I I. Yeah. With my partner and I, we reach that out.

Yeah.

And my ex partner, that's a whole another Initiation, I guess you would say.

Yeah.

Because it's a whole. Another level of working together is a whole another dynamic.

It's a whole other dynamic.

The idea of even if it's not relationship wise, just still, even for your position is an interesting one. Because I know women. I'm curious, what are your thoughts on that?

I love it so much. Like, you know, I think. Sure.

That energy. I just want to acknowledge how much I've seen you being intentional with dropping more and more from your. Because you have such a superpower. And it is a superpower. When a woman understands how to be in her masculine. That's.

Personally, I just put something up on social media recently and said can we.

Instead seeing the powerful coming into balance and fully allowing yourself to own your full feminine.

Yeah.

Because that's like you're created for sacrifice.

Can we see this privilege?

Okay.

Right. You believe it is at the root sacrifice. In the way. Yes.

The five scene. You really integrate and drop way.

Thank you.

Feminine. And I'm really excited. I think your partner is also close.

I do too. I really. I don't know. I just. And I love not knowing like can that be savory? You know, and he's gonna be such a lucky man. You know, I just.

It's cool because now you've done the work. Please.

I mean like, honestly how much we understand it. But can we actually change our perspective and work on this relationship? What a privilege it is for me to honestly. Honestly. I see an irreverence. I know we're kind of using these words, but it's really important to me. A reverence and me honoring my partner or future part. I'm really grateful that I wasn't in partnership before because I wouldn't be able to serve in my partnership the way I can now. I'm so excited for myself. I'm so excited for him. And I have no worries about it. Like he's gonna arrive when he arrives and it's. You know, I think, you know, I'll just wrap up with a couple of questions. But you know something that I think is really interesting. Curious in your thoughts. Because I've had partners needs in a way that may not feel good even all the time. Like this is, you know, be one of my last questions. Sorry. And I'm talking your ear off. But I've had people ask, well, do you want to keep your businesses running? And the way that like if I had my dream, I would just be speaking like this. Interviewing, writing my book. And the coaching program would be an evergreen the virtual assistant agency could run without me hearing. Not from a place of victim or martyr, but actually, I don't actually need to run those. And there's this sense of, like, the evolution of, like, your business. So, like, when this hurts, like me honoring, like, your need to go do something that I don't want you to do. I'm just curious, as we wrap up, like, where do you see you taking your masculine. Your service? Now you have this community for men, and I want to make sure we invite. We talked about invitation. But if I can be in a place of honoring and providing the space and the love. And I. Yeah. So closing this loop, if you're a.

Woman who has a friend. Partner. Partner.

And feel a burn.

Yeah.

There's a reverence in the burn.

Sure.

And so, like, I think, you know, is.

Is ready to have a new standard for himself in how he's showing up in his own masculinity and as a man of God, as what we call guard of honor, our mastermind to men's mastermind, guard of honor. And these are men that are ready to step into what it means to be a guardian of honor, walk in honor in all areas of their life as a partner, as a protector, as a provider, as a producer, as a philosopher, as a peacemaker. And really, we go on this arc throughout a year, focusing on health, becoming the healthiest version of ourselves as men. Now, like, I'm.

Sacrifice can create a burn, but I think there's a reverence and a privilege in that. And I. That lights me up, like, because it's bigger than me.

100.

It's bigger than me.

It's the same for the man. It's like, there's gonna be things that in times and I've something I have to go through. It's. You don't want to do certain things. But I'm really excited. I've been getting blood work done. Understanding testosterone, understanding biohacking. There's a lot of things our lives change. I'm coming up to 40 years old. As men, we really need to understand our brain, bodies. You suck it up. You do it because it's meaningful to your woman.

Right.

Where you show up similar to women.

It's talking about women 100%.

We don't really talk about this stuff.

Yeah.

So bringing in experts that understand that and at a high level and having each man to truly understand his body emotionally, physically, spiritually, and so health, wealth. Like, these are men that want to play a really big game and take their wealth to a whole another Level for their family. Love as partners and just truly understanding what it up. But her desires are what her needs are.

Yeah.

But there just needs to sacrifice and then there needs to be that, like, balance correct. Right. Like if there's not this takes to be a partner. That is a man that loves deeply.

Yeah.

And that is ready to receive that love and is worthy of that love and thinks, you know, being closer to God. God is at the center of this mastermind. It's really important to me. And so we do multiple gatherings in person as well as online reciprocity. It doesn't work.

It's a dance.

If there's not this polarity. It doesn't work.

Yeah.

Right. One person's the penetrator. One person receive. I'm really excited about it. It's exclusive and it's only for 33 men. It's kicking off at the end of May, June. So if you see this and you know Sanadia, please let me know. But I'm going to continue to just be a man who is devoted to creating leaders on the planet. We've done. I've had a masculine feminine container. Alyssa was a part of it. Conscious leaders mastermind. I'm going to continue to run that with my partner.

It's just how. It's biology. Right. It's biology.

It needs to be by. I'll just go Dom. Dom's actually taking seal in. Co facilitating. She's really been starting to lead that side.

Amazing.

Yeah. So leadership. I'm just going to continue to help create and build and empower leaders on this planet. But right now, my path. Because of where I'm at in his feminine.

Yeah.

You know. No, it's not going to work with the woman. She needs to feel your fucking rock strength.

Yeah.

Right.

Yeah.

Is the man's mastermind. Because I'm still, you know, at these earlier stages of reclaiming my masculine.

Yeah.

And so I want to do that. Besides other men that want to play a big game and really understand what it means to be a man of God today.

Well, that's so beautiful. I mean, we opened with talking about when we learn and master something as.

Capital, we need the nurturer.

Yeah.

You're coming home, you're working all day and you care more about your business.

That then we can share value in the world. And that's exactly what you're doing. And our soul contracts I'm so grateful for because I really do believe it's a part of the masculine feminine collective work. I wouldn't be in the softness of the feminine without so many of the mirrors and lessons that we co created and experience. And I think I've been that for you. And so we did business. Yeah.

The CEO of your business and coming home wanting to be the CEO and man of the house. No, it's not going to be none for attraction. And that was something that.

That you don't even plan to go in this path.

Right.

In this conversation today. And I felt the emotion and I'm like, that's where we're meant to go. So Gerard, thank you so much. And you know, people listening.

Is. I think it's just something that's hard.

I cannot encourage you enough. Whether it's you are looking to deepen in your masculine and better understand it or you have a friend or a partner, a brother, a father, an uncle. Right.

It's difficult because we want to see our women's also be in box.

Like who could benefit from Gerard's work? Where can they find you?

Yeah. Gerard Adams on Instagram. That's my main platform. So highly recommend that. And then Leaders create. Leaders is the main brand. So you can find us. We have podcasts. If you're watching podcasts right now, 100 episodes up that you can check out. And Leaders create. I want an ambition but can she come and drop that ambition instead Drop into her feminine?

Yeah.

You know that that's me is where there's a lot of leaders.com Goh is where you can find out about the men's mastermind Guards of honor. And yeah. Thank you. Take a big opportunity and then for me on my side, I'm curious. It's like, you know, can we stop too listen so much if you guys found value in this and shoot me a dm love to connect with you and I love you. I appreciate you and I know that we still just have so.

Yeah.

Because if we're always coming home and we're still in our how many men are coming home and we're. We're much more to look forward to relationship.

So we are not complete. All right. Thanks everyone for tuning in. We'll catch you next time.

Thanks, guys.

I thank you so much for tuning in and sharing this space of scar tissue with me. I hope you found value in this episode. That is truly my commitment and goal.

So I know a lot of men and they're still working till 10, 11 o' clock at night. You're not seeing their kids, not their woman. You're not loving on her, they're not kissing on her, they're not being affectionate. They're not doing their part either. They just expect to come home, be on their phones working and then get food served and just to bring what.

I believe will serve you in your life no matter what you're navigating. Again, this show is inspired from the loss of my daughter Laden and through my grief journey, really understanding empathy, understanding empowerment, understanding how to be the creators of our lives in whole new way.

That is, you know, get what they want. No, there needs to be that, that.

Balance, you know, stronger than circumstance, that focuses on progress, not perfection. That love the process, loves the process and lets go of attachment to outcome. So whatever resonated the most with you, allow that to serve you and you elevating to your next level. And if you love this show, please share it, please pass it along. Oh my gosh, this is just so good. Like, and of course like we were talking long spread this work and would mean so much if you took a moment to even rate and review it on Spotify or Apple podcasts. I appreciate being here with you all and it is an honor to witness your journeys and your greatness about our soul contracts. And I said no, it's. We know women like that but I think I don't have any desire to be the boss. And I think there's almost actually the polarity and the duality makes it really sacred. Like, okay, I'm going to go run the show here, I'm going to run my teams, I'm going to do this. And even then I'm like so very maternal in that way. But like you, you partner, you get to see me surrender. I get, you get to see my brain shut off. You get to see the full trust. Not many spaces get that. And I actually think there's almost this balance if you work with it correctly of it can be more special for your partner to have you in the feminine when you also have other places that you're in your masculine because not everyone gets to have that part of you. Right? Not everyone gets to have that. It's not just like not everyone gets to experience your most soft surrendered state. Right. And how is that? Like how are we making that special for our partner when we can do that?

Yeah, no, it's not. It can't be easy. Especially when, you know, as women that are playing a big game, you know, use a lot of responsibility. I get it. I got a lot. Some of these women I follow, I'm like, man, you guys are building eight figure companies. I mean it's a lot, you know, so I totally get It. But I mean, I just think and envision coming home with that of surrender.

Yeah.

And I'm sure down and like that love.

Yeah.

You know, that juiciness.

Yeah.

Like that. That's something that I pray that we start seeing a lot more.

I think it's beautiful and, you know, it's interesting. So as I began healing, I noticed, like, I mean, it's. It's a long journey. Right. It's never a finish line. I feel like we're just constantly new levels. Right. But I said, and someone called me this recently, and I really do feel like my hunter. I feel like my person is getting closer and closer and closer, you know, and I'm just like waiting. I'm not anxious. I'm not like, whatever, like, you know, But I've been called the business housewife more and more recently. And I realize it's almost this. This place because, like, I hold down the house and I'm like, hey, let me organize and take care of everything. This is just for my. My clients. Like, not my group. I'm coaching. Right. But like for my private clients. Let me hold down the house. Let me hold on the fort. Let me organize everything for you. And I realized that I actually love that so much from the feminine, not the masculine. Whereas you might look at my work and be like, wow, that's, you know, very masculine, the systems. But I actually love it because I'm like, go out there and do your thing. I got it. Like, I'll hold down the house.

You know, in the business, you're still starting to play with this idea.

Yes.

Like you're the feminine.

Right.

In this organizing, taking care of the house.

Yeah. I'm gonna make sure it runs now.

You can go out there, you go hunt. See, that's amazing.

Isn't that cool? That's come about recently. And of course, all my is like.

The partnership too, that I think is really cool. Like I see Grant Cardone and Elena Cardone.

Yeah.

You know, it's cool because then couple then kind of comes together and they bridge their two world. Yeah. And you do it in that way.

Yeah.

Like that to me is something that I. I and I. Yeah. With my partner. And I would reach that out.

Yeah.

And my ex partner. That's a whole nother initiation, I guess you would say.

Yeah.

Because it's a whole nother level of working together is a whole other dynamic.

It's a whole other dynamic.

The idea of even if it's not relationship wise, just still, even for your business as a client, being that Way get that energy. I just want to acknowledge how much I've seen you being intentional with dropping more and more from your. Because you have such a superpower. And it is a superpower. When a woman understands how to be in her masculine, that's. That's powerful. Coming into balance and fully allowing yourself to own your full feminine.

Yeah.

Because that's like you're created for.

Yes.

I've seen you really integrate and drop way feminine, and I'm really excited. I think your partner is also close.

I do, too. I really. I don't know. I just. And I love not knowing, like, can that be savory? You know, and he's gonna be such a lucky man. You know, I just.

It's cool because now you've done the work in this place.

I mean, like, honestly, I'm really grateful that I wasn't in partnership before, because I wouldn't be able to serve in my partnership the way I can now. I'm so excited for myself. I'm so excited for him, and I have no worries about it. Like, he's going to arrive when he arrives, and it's, you know, I think, you know, I'll just wrap up with a couple of questions, but, you know, something that I think is really interesting. Kirsten, your thoughts? Because I've had. This is, you know, my last question. Sorry. And I'm talking your ear off. But I've had people ask, well, do you want to keep your businesses running? And the way that, like, if I had my dream, I would just be speaking like this, Interviewing, writing my book. And the coaching program would be in Evergreen. The virtual assistant agency could run without me. I don't actually need to run those. And there's this sense of, like, the evolution of, like, your business. So I'm just curious, as we wrap up, like, where do you see you taking your masculine. Your service now you have this community for men, and I want to make sure we invite. We talked about invitation.

Yeah.

So closing this loop, if you're a.

Woman who has a friend. Partner. Partner. And, you know, is. Is ready to have a new standard for himself in how he's showing up in his own masculinity. And as a man of God, as a. What we call guard of honor, our masterminds, men's mastermind, guard of honor. And these are men that are ready to step into what it means to be a guardian of honor, walk in honor in. In all areas of their life and their. As a partner, as a protector, as a provider, as a producer, as a philosopher as a peacemaker. And really, we go on this arc throughout a year, focusing on health, becoming the healthiest version of ourselves as men. Now, like, I'm really excited. I've been getting blood work done, Understanding testosterone, understanding. There's a lot of things change. I'm coming up to 40 years old. As men, we really need to understand our bodies.

Yeah.

Similar to women. It's talking about women 100. We don't really talk about this stuff.

Yeah.

So bringing in experts that understand that and at a high level and having each man to truly understand his body.