Episode 8: Scar Tissue Uncut: BTS, Belly Laughs, and Big Lessons

Man, it's like starting a whole brand new business from scratch. It's so much energy. But then when it's also like your soul, like when you feel like naked, you're like, ah, he was like holding the book and it was like, oh my goodness, you know, like I'm bringing this man some peace. And like that right there, it's like all worth it, you know, that's why I think relationships are catalyst for growth. Business is a catalyst for growth, more so than anything because they're going to show you things you can't see yourself. People think brand is font or color palette and those are vehicles to bring your brand to life. They're not your brand. Well, like a launch is a launch, is a launch, is a launch. Friggin obsessed with launches. They're so fun. I'm ready. Lista.

Okay, so I mean let's, let's talk about like, like what's new in Melissa's life right now. Let's, let's catch up before we get into it.

I know what you're doing. Yeah. Do you have a question in mind there, shooter? Steve? You know, like I published my book.

You published your book? Talk about the process that it's been like published, you know, because people seen all the stuff that's happening online, like, what is that process been like publishing a book.

I can't even explain. It's like, man, it's like starting a whole brand new business from scratch. It's so much energy. But then when it's also like your soul, like when you feel like naked, you're like, ah, it was a whole new level of vulnerability, of raw openness, you know, and like my mom's like, oh, I'm reading your book. And then you're like, oh my God, what is she gonna. You know, it's really different. And you know, it's my story and it's my daughter and it's friends and family and like things that actually like happened, you know. So yeah, it was wild. And I noticed that I would have resistance to it because it meant so much and it helped me create so much more compassion for people when they're resisting something because they're afraid, right? Because I was like, afraid. Like, what if it doesn't go well? You know, what if I fail? Because to me, like, I don't really ever have those thoughts, but this was for my daughter and so it just meant a whole lot more. So anyways, long story long, it was, it was really intense but really great.

And what is it like, like finally like, putting all your heart and soul to, like, you know, just like, you're kind of, like, alone through this process of creating a book because it's your story. Like, you know, it's a lot of, you know, things you're doing yourself. What is it like, you know, finally just getting the feedback from the people. Like, you know, what does that feel like?

It's. I mean, it's amazing. And I try, you know, just to. At the end of the day, no matter what I'm putting out there, how do I feel about what went out there? Right? Because some people are going to all read the same book, and some will hate it, some will love it. Right. And so I need to feel really good about what I put out there. So that was, like, the first and foremost important thing. But then when you're talking to people who have lost their children, who have lost, like, I. I met a man when I was speaking in Arizona, and he. He had lost his wife a year ago, and he is probably in his 70s, and, you know, he was, like, holding the book, and it was like, oh, my goodness, you know, like, I'm bringing this man some peace. And like, that right there, it's like, all worth it.

You know, when. When you do bring someone that piece, like, how do you. Because, like, you had this initial interaction with them. Like, how do you. Like, is there something you. You kind of keep up with them or, like, what's the process like after that? After, like, initial, like, you know, kind of that realization that you have through. Through that connection through the book?

Yeah. You know, it's interesting because it's not like I'm coaching on this, right. But we have a Melissa AI Chatbot coming out. It's a program with grief in my book. It's, like, so funny. Like, I chat with it sometimes to test it, and I'm like, oh, I really would say that. So that'll be one way that we can serve people more deeply with the book. And then another, you know, you just have to kind of trust that, like, maybe the book was that purpose for them to then take an action that's going to lead them to maybe whatever it's supposed to be. But we'll be doing stuff. We'll be creating community, and we'll be. I mean, I can't not, you know, that's my jam. We'll be creating community and different ways of, like, serving and supporting and kind of just not sure of the plan, Just kind of letting it go, you know.

Yeah. And, you know, as you go through, like, the process of a launch for like a book. What are, what are like some of the things that, you know, that people should know about, like after you went through it and then also like, you know, you working on other people's projects. What are kind of the key points that you took away from at least the business side of like a launch? Like that?

Well, like, a launch is a launch is a launch is a launch. And I literally follow the same strategy, though it looks different. Whether it's a book launch, whether it's an event that you're launching, whether it's a coaching program, a product, a new offering. And I'm freaking obsessed with launches. They're so fun.

What's fun about it?

Because it's like a puzzle. It feels like a game plan. Like, you know me, I love sports, right. I love football. And like, I always wanted to be a football coach. And I'm like, this kind of does that. Like, honestly, my. I coached high school field hockey and the field hockey team. Do you know field hockey?

Yeah, I do.

Okay. So I literally. We would watch film all the time and take notes, but I. My main players had play bands on their wrist, which is unheard of in field hockey, for like corner plays or certain plays where we would read the defense, we would see what was happening and I would call plays and then they would call the plays of the team off of like a play. It was the closest thing I get to football coach. But, you know, that's kind of how I think launches are. Like, you're looking at the strategy, you're mapping it out. This is the game plan as I think it's going to go. And then as we're going through it, how are we pivoting and adjusting and capitalizing on opportunity? How are we creating new back end sales or upsells or sponsorships or new sources for leads or collabs? Like, it's so fun as you prep for it. And a lot of people don't do prep or priming for a launch. And they're just immediately like, do this. But like, you have to prep and prime. It'd be like trying to run a marathon without training. Like, you've got to train, right? But no one sees the training. They only see the marathon. That's like a launch. No one sees the prep or the priming. They're only going to see the launch. But you have to do that groundwork ahead of time. It will make the launch so much easier. I don't remember where I was going with that, but once we get into it. Then it's like, how do we pivot? How do we adjust? What are we seeing? And to me, that's like the fun part. I don't like what I just want to add to that. I don't like plug and play funnels. I don't believe in them. And I don't think that they work. I think they're lazy.

Yeah. And to piggyback off that, you know, what you're getting at is like, this is. This should be like a team sport. It's like a collaborative effort, 100%. But what, what if someone is on their own? They maybe they built up a good brand by themselves and they don't have a team. Is it possible to have a good launch by yourself? Are there things that they could do or is it essential to have a team? And how do you find that?

Well, ultimately, if you're brand new starting, you might be launching on your own, but you should be networking collabs, people to take on the journey with you. Like, even when I was launching on my own, I was collabing with a juice bar to go in and do a workshop to prep for launch. Right. And the workshop is part of like the nurturing and the sharing value before you create an offer. So I don't think that you should actually ever really launch alone. I think it's like the ego that tells us we need to do things alone, you know, and everyone's like, that might trigger someone, but I always say your triggers are your teachers, so you're welcome. But I think that you really do need to have people. And if you're looking at where to get people, look at the areas of a launch that aren't your jam. So maybe you're not good at building out landing pages or automations. Get someone to do that also. My team does that. We can do that for you. Right, but like, you don't want to. Like, there's so much energy that goes into a launch. Can you keep yourself in the place that's actually gonna move the needle? Right. Maybe you don't do social media or content creation. My team also does that, by the way. But like, you know, outsource that, you know, we don't do. We pretty much do everything but like paid ads or closing. Like, we don't take sales calls, but we know people that do.

What was that line you just said about your. Your triggers are your teachers? Is that what you said?

Yeah. Your triggers are your teachers.

Yeah. Can you talk about that? Because I think a lot of that is what prevents People from actually going out and being a leader and building.

A team, dude, you have no idea. Everyone runs away from triggers. And if you want to elevate, like, you have to learn to see your trigger and witness it and be like, oh, wow, like, what is that coming up? And most people feel something coming up. So I feel something uncomfortable coming up. And I'm like, bam, Steve, you made me feel this way, right? If you can just hold it and be like, whoa, what is that coming up in me? And, like, you witness it and you look at it and you figure out what it is, because 99.999999% of the time, it's never anyone else. So there's something unhealed in me or a limiting belief in me or something in me that needs to be looked at. And most people don't look at it. They just go, bam, it's your fault. So if you take that and you look at it and you learn from it, your triggers are your greatest teachers. It's not comfortable, right? Ah. I don't even know if I want to go there. But, you know, I was in a conversation recently, I've been back in the dating thing, you know, and I was talking with him, and I was saying that. That, like, yeah, I had a trigger coming up. This is new for me. I'm dated in five years. It's really easy when I'm only thinking about Melissa. What do I need? What does my business need? And now all of a sudden, I'm in a conversation of like, oh, what is this person I'm choosing to be in relationship with? Need? How do I show up? That's considering that. Oh, where do I feel more scared and more vulnerable right now? Because, like, it's not just about me, you know, I'm not in full control and. But if I can feel that and instead of, like, exploding, and a lot of people explode it or spill it into their business, their relationship, whatever it may be, it's just like, can I hold that and witness it? And then even better, can I talk about it and be like, hey, this is what's coming coming up for me, you know? And then it becomes really beautiful, you know, that's why I think relationships are catalysts for growth. Business is a catalyst for growth more so than anything, because they're going to show you things you can't see yourself. Also, I think that my Matcha is here. It might need more caffeine. Almost here. One more minute. We can just keep it rolling. I don't care.

Yeah, yeah. You know, and, like, what do you.

Think of all that? I just dropped a lot on you.

You're dropping bombs with that. And, like. And you just think about it like, life is relationships, right? Everything, whether it's business or it's, you know, or it's, you know, your significant other.

Yeah.

Family.

Yeah.

So it's like. Like, how do you. Wait, is this yours?

I. I mean, this is all good stuff, but my very first lead magnet was a lead magnet on matcha.

Was it really?

Yeah, because I was the celery juice Matcha holistic health girl. I know. If I put this here, was it going to be in the picture? Oh, look at this. Looks like a real legit one.

Oh, yeah.

It's got the pulp in it. And look at the. It's. It's like, written in Japanese. I have never, in my whole life of drinking matcha for. Since 2016, almost daily in some capacity. I've never seen it like that. I've never seen a foam top. Well, maybe because of my last five years I've been in Mexico.

Matcha, they make a little different.

We make a whole different there. All right, where were we?

Talk about. Life is relationships, right?

Life is relationships. That is the truth.

Yeah. And like. Yeah. Like, how can someone, you know, have the awareness to tie what's happening in their personal relations, their significant other to their business and vice versa? Like, how do you. How do you have that?

It's all related. It's all related. So, like, notice if something comes up in one place, it will come up in another. It's actually why I love the sales process, because I think the sales process creates a pressure cooker. I used to hate sales. So I'm like, if you don't like sales, you're like, no, no, no, no. Sales is a beautiful, energetic exchange. Okay? Like, no one transforms from handouts. So if you're willing to invest, right. Anyways. But sales creates a pressure cooker. So it takes stuff and it squeezes, squeezes, squeezes, squeezes. And then something will come out and it could be ghosting. Oh, great. Where else do you avoid in your life because you're afraid to have a difficult conversation? Right? It could be getting defensive, right? And you're, like, unable to see the value available because you're getting defensive that someone's trying to sell you. Well, where else is, like, are you blocking yourself from seeing value available because you think everyone's trying to screw you over? Guarantee that comes up in someone's life, Right. Maybe it's the, you know, I Need to think about it. Where else do you overanalyze? And I'm not saying I need to think about it in a reasonable way. I'm saying the over analytical way. So where else in your life do you overanalyze everything? How exhausting is that? Can you break through that right now? Right. Like to me the sales process is the quickest way to see what somebody needs to break through. But to your point, if it comes up there, it's going to come up. In your relationship. Do you avoid difficult conversations in your relationship? Do you ghost? I, you don't just do it in one spot and another, you know, and honestly, like, it goes the other way. So you know, saying to, in my relationship, like saying like, you see how committed I am? Like, I am committed. I'm committed to my business, I'm committed to my fitness. Like, I'm freaking committed. That's how I'm going to show up in a relationship. You know, like when something's just the core value or how you be, that's just how it's going to be. So I don't know. Does that answer your question?

Yeah, it does, it does. And, and what about like, and also like when you get to a point where, you know, maybe you do have a lot of experience and you, you, you grow like a maturity in, in like the relationship is life thing where you interpret, you know, for example, like say like ghosting, maybe you see it like, you see it from a place of experience where like, oh, I understand why that person maybe is ghosting. You know, you can, you can look at it from a different point of view.

Oh, 100%. So when somebody go, that's the thing. This is really important. I'm so glad you brought this up. Of course you did, because you always bring up the best shit. But don't ever take anything personally. Don't ever take anything personally. And it may hurt. Like I, especially in my relationship, like when something comes up, like, I will not take it personally, but it also, it also can still have a human experience of like, oh, I don't like this, you know, but I know it has nothing to do with me, right? But in business it's obviously less personal. But people make it so personal and someone ghosts and they like get angry about it and it's like, can you actually have compassion for the person who's really struggling now? I'm not saying you enable them. I'm not saying that like you surround yourself with that energy, but like, instead of taking it personally, can you just kind of Let it go and just be like, wow, I wonder where else that person struggles to speak their truth. Right. For a lot of times, people in business, it's a worthiness conversation. I literally, I guarantee a lot of people watching this, you've ghosted me. I don't take it personally. I generally don't. Like I have compassion because if you're ghosting me, that tells me that you struggle either. Avoidance is a thing. Maybe you struggle to speak your truth. You struggle with boundaries. You struggle to say no. Right? Like, I don't mind hearing no. You know, like, I'm never attached. So I know if somebody's not saying no to me, it's not because of me. Because I don't force and I don't pressure. Like, I'm not a pressure person. So I know if somebody's afraid of saying no, that that's them. Right. And so I think it's really important for anyone to not take the things that come up personally. And that's very hard to do in relationship. But if you at least practice with your business, then you can do it in relationship. I'd start with something that's less emotionally charged.

And what are some examples of practicing to say no? Like, you're saying.

Like practicing not taking things personally, you mean? Yeah, let's say a. I mean, sales is the easiest example. But let's say somebody says no, right? Let's say somebody doesn't like your content that you put out there. Let's say there's a differing opinion. Let's say there's an issue with a team member. Let's say a customer has an issue and wants to quit. Right. Like, we get so caught in the kind of ego of it. And I think ego is very widely misunderstood. People think ego is like very like alpha loud. Ego can be very quiet. Ego can be people pleasing. In fact, people pleasing is one of the most ego driven choices. And then they go to martyr. Oh, I'm such a people pleaser. Like, no, like, and I'm a recovering people pleaser. So there's no judgment here. Right? But now I'm absolutely not. That's why Daniel and I get along so well. We don't take shit personally. We don't. People please. I swear to God, that's like honest to God how we've had the longevity of our friendship. But what was I going to say? Oh, people pleasing. Yeah. Then they go to martyr and they're like, oh, I'm. I'm just such a people pleaser. You know, I burn myself out. I'M such a people pleaser. No, people pleasing is doing. It's trying to manipulate somebody's perception of you and to control the narrative. And as long as you please them and you flex to be what you think someone else wants you to be. Notice I'm talking about flexing. That being your authentic truth. You're flexing to be what you think someone else wants you to be. You will be accepted and loved and it's actually about you making sure that you feel accepted and loved. So people pleasing is not, is not selfless. I think it's selfish, it's manipulative.

Very interesting. And what about, you know, let's talk about the people pleasers is maybe those people don't even, they don't know what their identity is. You know, they don't even know what their authentic self is.

Yeah.

So what does that, you know, what does that look like?

No, I really do get that because I think I fell into people pleasing because I had a conditioned way of being in that my worthiness and validation was from checking the box and doing the thing I thought I was supposed to do. Right. Class president. Sure. Four years homecoming queen. You got it right. Captain of my teams. Yep. Scholarship athlete. Yep. So all my worthiness and validation came from getting the things where other people are pleased with me. Right. And so I think it's like you have to have compassion. I coach a four step method. It's actually in my book. I've been coaching this four step method for years. And step one is awareness. So one, bring awareness. And then two, you gotta figure out where it came from and like release that. And then three, you have to replace because energy has to be attached to something. So it's like instead of choosing people pleasing, can I choose this? And then four is reflect. And you have to take time to do that. Otherwise like you're not letting it soak in what you just did. So it's like you have to actually unlearn and unbecome to become. So the first thing you got to do is like unlearn the people pleasing, then you're going to get more clear probably through trial and error what you actually want and what feels good to you.

You know, I guess once you do find your authentic self, like how do you, how do you really. Like, you know, I guess tie that into success and you know, making money. Because another thing is like, you know, people say like if you do kill off your ego and all that stuff, then you don't want to make money anymore.

Oh, that's who says that? No, you know what, though? They've still got ego. I'm sorry if you are. I'm not driven by the money to make the money. So I guess if you're driven by the money to make the money, and that's an ego reason. Oh, this is good. Let's unpack this one. If your why is ego driven? When you kill off the ego, yeah, you're not gonna wanna make money. So I guess you're right. But that didn't resonate with me because I'm not driven by the money. The money's a byproduct of the impact that I make. But I am driven by the impact and the possibility. I'm not. I. I'm driven by seeing, like, what can Melissa do in this lifetime? Like, I don't wanna get to the end of my life and look back and be like, meh, I went mostly in, right? Like, imagine looking back at, like, the end of your life and being like, yeah, I mostly went for it. No, I want to be like, I fucking laid it all on the field. I face planted, got a little messy. We got some injuries in that game of life, right? But, like, I laid it all on the field. So even with my ego drive, like, if my ego's gone, that's like a core value. That's not ego. Right. Does that make sense?

Very interesting. Yeah, that does make a lot of sense. So what you're getting at is like, basically, if you're driven by only money, then that in itself is people pleasing, right?

It could be. It could be. It could be a worthiness conversation. Like your worth is dependent on a number in a bank account. Right. It could be you're driven by competition, right. You want to be better than everyone else. It could be driven by proving there's a lot of different things that can drive that desire. And I've seen it in a lot of different ways, but it all ultimately traces back to worthiness. And so, like, what is the antidote or what? Like, how do we get out of ego? We need to tap into a deep sense of worthiness. Because I think the ego is just there to try and protect us from what doesn't feel safe. And usually what doesn't feel safe is judgment, comparison, rejection, abandonment, all these things, right? Yeah.

And then that. That could easily be tied into your significant other in your relationship. Right. When you got all the time, it opens up when you discover that in.

Relationships, when you discover, like, the fear of abandonment or rejection. Oh. I mean, this is why relationships are really challenging. Because, like, okay, here's what I always have. And I used to be mindset coach, okay? And I used to always say, you cannot use a real. You cannot use a new tool in the moment. Meaning if I don't meditate, and all of a sudden I'm triggered as fuck. Meditation is not gonna be accessible. Like, it's not even in my toolbox. Which is why I think it's really important that we do the work proactively. Not just, like, to fix, but to be proactive and actually to avoid, like, preventative, right? So, yeah, I mean, it depends on the level that somebody has a level of self awareness in the relationship. But ideally, like, in my relationship, oh, I got, like, emotional in my relationship. I'm able to say, like, hey, this is coming up for me right now. And this is like. Like, honestly being able to say, like, this goes back to, like, when I was a kid, and this was, like, kind of what I experienced, and it created this. And this is triggering it right now. Misspelled hands are flying with the matcha. This is triggering it right now. You know, and ideally, you are in a relationship, a friendship, a business partnership, where you can have that caliber of conversation. And now the thing that triggers you teaches you because you can work through it with that person, and now you can actually heal it, but you almost kind of can't do it on your own. So it's like, I think it's really important whether it's a romantic relationship, whether it's a friendship, a business partnership, family, wherever it is, when you have these triggers that come from someone else. Now, remember, we're all just mirrors for one another. Like, we are all just mirrors. So when you have a mirror in front of you that's holding up something that, like, you get to work on or heal, you need to be able to work on it together, and then you can go further. Like, I'll always say, like, I want to be in relationships that take me further than I can go on my own, personal or professional, and I want to be able to take the other person further than they can go on their own, because it's the beauty of relationships when they're done correctly.

And so that. That's kind of speaking on, like, the leadership within relationships, right?

And.

And how does that. How does that break down, especially for women? Because, you know, it's. It's a different. Different side of things, right? It's totally different leadership for a woman in relationship. You know, the. The masculine, feminine dynamic.

Mm. It's so good. Oh, my God. I Just have to pause for a second because this is so good. I just got to the foam part. You can't take me anywhere. All right, so I. I'm gonna pull up that. That was really good. Whatever the that is. That's really good that we did that. Okay, so your question was, like, how does that work for the masculine, the feminine dance and leadership, like, especially as a woman? It's really interesting. In fact, the more and more I experience being in the feminine in relationship, the more I love being a woman, to be honest. Like, I love it, especially as someone who's independent in a lot of ways and runs teams and is very direct and runs businesses. It's really nice to be able to flex to the soft side and to. You know, some people get triggered when they hear stuff like this, but, like, to kind of, like, shut off, like, that. That. Like that, like, shut off that part of my brain that's, like, looking for danger, right? Because I know that my person is, like, looking for danger for me, you know? And I love that, and I love being able to be in more of the softer maternal energy and being able to let that work with the masculine and the feminine, you know? And I think masculine is a really. I think it can be widely misunderstood. And feminine, they both can be, but the masculine is just, like. It's just solid, you know? It's just like a rock. I think it's consistent, you know? And when it's chaotic, even if, like, I've worked with, like, a lot of, like, very masculine energy, but when there's an element of chaos or it's chaotic, that's actually not the healthy masculine. Healthy masculine is, like, solid, steady driving forward, right? It's not like, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. Right? And I'm not talking, like, energy levels. I'm talking, like, emotions. You know what I mean? Going all over the place or whatever it may be. And the feminine, I think, is just very able to kind of, like, hold and flow in the dance. So, I mean, I know we're getting a little bit tracked, but as a woman in a leadership role, being in relationship, being led in relationship, I love it. Like, I love it, and I think I must appreciate it even more because of the work that I do, you know? And then it's like, when it's like. I don't know. It's just like, baby, you want to figure this out, you know? And, like, not having to, it's like, oh, my God, this is so great, you know? I don't know. Does that make sense?

It does make sense. But, but then how does it go when, when you, when you take that into business, do you, do you have, as a woman, do you have to like, can you be that true feminine or do you have to have the masculine? To be successful in business, I think.

That, that you really need to learn how to harness both. So the masculine, the study, the driver, the visionary, the leader. Like I do all that, you know, that is like a non negotiable. I mean, I am that for my team. You know, they rely on me. But the way that I serve, I always say data with, or decisions with data, service with emotion. And that almost kind of can break out the masculine, the feminine, like decisions, how you're driving forward. We look at data and then service, how we're kind of interacting and engaging in a level of humanity along the way. With your emotion. Right. And that's like the feminine. And I think, you know, I have, I have a client, he's 62, I believe. And he is like a, he is a wild card. He is like, he's like a bull in a china shop. Okay. And he knows it. But he said to me, he's like, you have such a maternal energy. Like, I feel taken care of. You know, he's 20 years older than me. But I like to bring that into how I interact with people. And I like to really intentionally play with that. Like, does this person feel seen, supported, witnessed, cared for? Very different than enabled or people pleasing or cheerleading though. Like, I don't cheerlead and I don't. People please. And that's unhealthy. Feminine, right? The people pleasing or the cheerleading, in my opinion. I mean, of course, like I root people on, but I call it champion. Like I champion people, right? And I'm very honest. But like, can I let people feel the depth of my love? And witnessing them, like even like we were talking about, like witnessing what comes up for them in the sales process. Can I hold that and be in it with them? Like, hey, what's coming up for you? We ghost in. Do you avoid in your life? Right, but you see, it's like very soft, but it's soft, but I'm holding them in it. I think that's the power.

And then what about for the men? Like what, what can they learn from, you know, like a successful woman that has that balance in business? Because maybe they're hyper masculine, they're very driven, they. They grind it out. But maybe they're like so stuck in their, in their box that they can't be creative.

Yeah, I Think I mean, one, you have to create space to be creative. Creativity does not happen in a packed calendar. And as someone who has a packed calendar, like tomorrow, I literally have 11 zooms. Stupid. But I'll take another day and I won't schedule any to try and just create the space for creativity to come through. Right. I think men, I mean, another thing, it's just like, that makes business so much easier is listen. Just listen. You know, I don't know if you saw like, you know, Selena and Benny, like that podcast, like went viral and Benny, I think it was Benny Blanco is his name. And he was like, men are so dumb. Like, they just need to listen. Just shut up and listen. She's telling you what she wants, you're just not listening. And I think many times what he's trying to say is like, men just want to fix and solve problems and so their mind is just going to that, to that, to that, to that. But they're almost missing if they just listened to, like, it's right there. And that's true of our businesses. Our businesses tell us everything. Man or woman, our businesses tell us everything. We just have to listen and we have to know what to listen to. And not our fear, not our ego. We've got to listen to data, we've got to look at KPIs, client retention, show up rates, closing rates, like all of these things. Email, opt ins, open rates, social media engagement. All these things are data telling you, like, what your business needs. Oh, gosh, how much time do we have? No, I think that they put in. I think in my experience, a lot of times the masculine put a lot of pressure to be the problem solver. And so they almost are putting this pressure on them that they have to figure it out that they're missing, that they could just listen. Like it's right there, it hidden in plain sight. Yeah, but I think it comes from a pressure of like, I'm, I have to be the problem solver. I have to figure this out. And it's like they kind of miss what's right there. Well, you look for another one. I'm gonna open my second Matcha. I might be more wild than Daniel after this one, honestly. My videographer in Arizona, like, he was so nice, but like, it was like shaky. We can't even use half of it.

Oh, really?

Yeah. And then like the guys in New Jersey that you set me up with, super nice, but just they don't get angles. Really. Even the guy in Arizona, he didn't get angles. I'm like, dude, angles are really important. That's why I'm telling you, you need to have a little cohort where you teach them angles and you teach them lighting. The guy, the poor guy in Arizona, I would be like, we'd be recording with someone, right? And then, like, as soon as the questions done, you know, that's when the good stuff happens. Like, the comp always. Oh, my God. And he would never keep it rolling. And I was like, I said to keep. No, no, please keep it going. Like, this is the good stuff. Like, please, I want you to get everything. I'm better.

The better move is you say, okay, we stop recording. But you're still recording.

Yeah.

They're like, okay, it's off camera. I can say whatever I want, you know?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's so good. But, yeah, and he kept doing it. Finally, like, one of the women I was with looked at him and was like, I think you should just not turn it off, you know, Because I had to keep being like, no, now you missed that.

Yeah.

You know, it could be something stupid like, let me get my beef jerky.

Yeah.

You know what I mean? That's the content we're really here for. I'm gonna have to event sync my calendar with his.

That's actually the only way to do it.

Who runs his calendar?

He does.

He's such a control. I wish he would just let.

But I. I. No, I told him, like, like, bro, like, because he was getting to the point where he's getting a little. Like, it was like. Like too much, you know, Because a lot of stuff's happening, you think? And I'm like, bro, like, you have to get, like. Like, a really good assistant. You have to. So he's been working on. He's been. He's been talking to some different.

Different ladies, and I have people for him, too.

Yeah. Yeah. Like, you could recommend someone great. Yeah.

I mean, my. Like, my executive, he needs someone like that. Right. But, like, my. Like, we could run. I wish I. He would let me run all of his, like, funnels and back end. I mean, hopefully with our new offer.

Yeah, yeah.

We'll be able to kind of. Like, that'll be. I know, but I'm just. I know. I'm telling you, like, if I could run Daniel's, like, back end instructure, he would be happier. I know. It's gonna be so great. We got a new offer coming. No, but I've got. I mean, even my executive assistant, she's only part time for me. Just throw in Daniels Yeah, but he.

Needs someone like with him.

Oh yeah, one of those. Oh yeah.

How do you find one of those?

You know, you just gotta be willing to pay them.

Yeah, that's what it does.

Yeah, that's what it is. I would prefer that.

Yeah.

But it's gonna cost me a hell of a lot more.

Oh yeah. You know, you said clients said they worked with like those like executive assistant agencies. They're all really good, but.

Yeah, totally. They cost, they cost quite a bit. All right, where were we?

Yeah, let's, let's, let's make sure we get through, you know the stuff that Brit sent this to us, right? Yeah, yeah. So we'll go through this, like get into like the nitty gritty of like the launch and all these different things. So the first thing is, so what's the real reason most launches flop?

Because they don't have a thought out strategy or they are trying to copy what somebody else did, or they have not done market testing and priming. So many people underestimate market testing and priming and the length of time needed for that to have an easy launch. Like think of a launch as like some type of a competition, like a sports competition or a fitness competition. I don't know, I never did those. Right. But like that day is not a result. So a launch isn't the result of like the launch. It's all the legwork you've done leading up to the launch, you know, and that's why when people ask me like, well, how long do I need to launch? Well, I don't know. How much brand power do you have? What's the price point? How high ticket is it? How many leads do you have? Is it solving a clear problem? Is there market demand for what you're putting out there? Right. People want to launch something, there's not even market demand for it. And I'm saying that from experience because I did that once and it didn't go well. Right. So there are so many factors to consider. I was actually just making a launch checklist this morning as I've been like teaching on launches so much lately because they're so misunderstood. People think like, I'll just hit copy and paste on a funnel. Nope, doesn't work. Don't work. Gonna cost you a lot of money. And you know what else can cost you is like real estate capital, brand power, all of those things. You only get so much of people's attention. So if you use people's attention and like your online currency and you have a crappy launch that's costing you a lot now, so. Oh, there's a person. I was wondering if who's doing Daniel's event or not. My boyfriend thinks I have ADHD and I'm like, no, I don't. And then I'm like, bird.

Hypnosis. Have to break rapport.

But when you say you have a launch that kind of flops and you just use people's attention and your social media and all of this stuff, that's more costly than anything. And so I think it's very important to really be intentional about launch strategy. Oh, I was saying I just made a document. See, I told you I just made a document. Like a checklist. I was working on it this morning. I thought it would be like one page. We're on nine pages so far, but it's really freaking good. It's got visuals and diagrams. It's free too. So if you're watching this, it's probably going to be out by now, but it will be done soon. But there's so much to it that people don't understand.

Okay, well, I guess to give them a teaser we could go into some things. Like what is like the pre launch actually look like people probably, they skip over that a lot. They want to get to the good stuff.

Yeah, most people do. You need a little foreplay, guys. Okay. All right, let's put the matcha down for this one. Pre launch is going to be a lot of priming and testing. So polling your audience, building out your UBP and your usp. So I made up UBP unique brand proposition. I think it's actually more important right now than usp. So getting clear on what makes you unique to experience and then what makes your deliverable unique. Polling, market testing, getting clear on market demand, competitor research, competitor analysis, price comparison, dialing in your offers, your back end upsells, memberships, retention, referrals, like all of the legwork to get everything done and set. Then you go, then you get into it. But most people skip that. It's very costly.

Talk about why is that costly?

Well, because. Yeah, I mean, I mean I've seen people who, they put something out there and their audience wasn't ready. And then when you put something out there and it's like totally crickets, then no one jumps on. Right. You need to get quick fomo, but you can't get quick FOMO if people don't even know what's coming or they don't even want what's coming and so. Or you don't have like Your back end upsells dialed in. I mean upsells cart bumps, immediate referrals. Those types of things can double revenue of launch, if not more. My feet falling asleep.

What kind of, what kind of content should they be posting before they even start getting to selling that offer?

I would say, well, we do three types of content. Let me put this on. Now it's gonna look weird if I'm answering the same question in different things. So I we do three types of content and this is all in my free winning launch checklist. Well, it started as a checklist and it became a nine page document. Very on brand for Melissa, but three types of content. And I actually break it down in this document. So be sure to DM me launch if you want it. But attraction, connection, conversion and those are used different ratios depending on where you are in your marketing cycle. Now that's type of content, type of content is different than marketing strategy. So now the marketing strategy is going to be. Or the marketing cycle will either be nurturing, priming, announcing, pushing, pressing. Those are different phases of marketing. And if you're doing the same thing all the time, like always saying bye, bye, bye, you become the Charlie Brown teacher. If there's no depth or fluctuation into your tone and cadence of how you're posting and how you're driving people, you miss out on that hype and excitement. Like, you know, when the holidays are coming, it's like, oh my God, right? Like if we had Christmas music playing year round, it wouldn't have that same effect. And then all of a sudden Christmas music comes on. Everyone's like, oh my God, right? Or what are we in October now? And all of a pumpkin, right? It's almost like, look at all these things as launches. Like the pumpkin latte has launched, y', all, right? But we start getting ready for it in like September.

And what would you say is like the single biggest mistake that no one talks about? What these launches would you say is the biggest one?

Oh my God, there are so many. One is that people are not tracking data. So like now they're gonna feel like they're restarting every single time they launch. Every launch should get you more and more dialed in for an offer to be plug and play and more optimized. I mean that's huge. The other one, I think probably more common because it's gonna be a higher level mistake, but more common for like maybe entry or mid level is gonna be. They don't talk about it enough like they think they're talking about it. And everyone's paying attention. No one's paying attention. Like where none of us are that important. It's so humbling. But like you have to talk about it at nauseam. You have to annoy yourself. Like I've gotten annoyed by some of my own content or clients, like when my company makes it for them. Like you remember the event that we did, I annoyed the crap out of myself, right? That coming out of that was a seven figure launch. There's, it's data, you know, is it.

Ever too early to start? You know, like warming up your audience or even like annoying them?

Like you're saying it can be too long of a period to talk about the actual offer and the call to action of buying, but talking about the problem and giving value, never too early. Another big mistake is people talk about multiple different offers at the same time. Like you got, you got a bit committed, right? Like one thing. Otherwise like, I don't know if I'm just like, Steve, do you want to go to, I don't know, do you want to go get steak? Want to go get steak? Want to go get steak? Want to go get steak? Oh, you're vegan. This is the worst example, Steve, you want to go get tofu? Want to go get tofu, right? And like then so you get just yes or no. And I'm talking about tofu, tofu, tofu. And let's just say I've been spending the last month talking about the benefits of veganism, right? Whatever. Now you're more primed and you're ready. But if I'm like, hey, do you want to, you know, get tofu or do you want to go get tempura or do you want to go get this? Now you're like thinking about it more and your attention is divided. People divide their consumers attention all the time. You want undivided attention on one thing. Oh, multi passionate, well that's fine. But like no one's following you that closely. And if they are, it might be kind of weird. No one's following you that closely to keep up with all your passions. They're getting glimpses of what you do. So if they're getting glimpses of you and every glimpse is different because you're multi passionate, they're not going to see you as an authority in an area. And if they don't see you as an authority in an area, they're not going to invest at a high level with you.

Sure.

You can get away with like low ticket ebooks or whatever it may be. Now if you have massive brand power. You have earned the right to go wider. I will say that all the time. But like, I haven't earned that right. I gotta stay in my lane. Even the book was a little bit of a risk because I, I created another lane. I didn't leave my lane, but I added a second lane. Now the reason that it works from a business standpoint is I'm not looking to monetize the book. And it's also very low ticket. If all of a sudden I had some like grief retreat or coaching offer that was high ticket against my branding, marketing, messaging launch project. High ticket. Now I've got competing high tickets in two different lanes. I'm cannibalizing myself. People do it all the time. Interesting.

And what about like, you know, finding your target audience? That avatar that you're looking for, should it be, should it be really like based on you, like, you know, or is it.

No.

Yeah. What, what's, what's kind of the rule of thumb for finding your avatar for your offer?

Okay, we'll go do a little lip app. You're fine. I don't care. Finding your avatar. So I have multiple avatars in the same lane and it's interesting because the avatars are different based on the price point. Right. So majority of my clients are actually the entry level package. Like percentage of clients is going to be the entry level package. But that doesn't necessarily mean that's the translated percentage of revenue because I have few top level clients right. Where I'm really partnered with them. These are wildly different avatars and so I think it's more or less seeing for your particular product or offering. Now it's for me, this is what I call skyscraper instead of a parking lot. So what I've been saying before when I did a different lane, like book and this I'm building a parking lot. Right. Excuse me, my matcha, but the skyscraper is going to be all one lane with different levels. Right. So first get clear on like if you have multiple offers, the avatar for each level. For each. Yeah. And then I think just I track data on everything. So onboarding forums, great way to get to know your avatar, your ideal customer, sales calls and objections, great way to better understand your avatar. So looking at these different things of like who's actually getting on calls with you, who's actually joining is going to help you profile and like master your ideal customer.

So is there like a process of like, like what's the process of like listening to your audience before you actually like commit to your Offer.

Oh, it's the whole beginning market testing. Most people don't do it. And even if you're not changing your offer, how are you messaging around it? A lot of times people's messaging is off, and it's not even their offer. It's like, I will say, I don't know if I have I told you my Mandarin example yet. Okay, so if I'm like, hey, Steve, I want to go. I want to go take Mandarin lessons. And you're like, all right, Melissa, cool. You do you. And because Instagram's always listening, I open the app and then there's like a thing that says, like, free Mandarin workshop. Right. But it's in Mandarin. I'm gonna go right by it. People do this all the time. They speak the language their ideal client doesn't know yet. And then they're like, why is nobody clicking or buying? Because you're not putting it in words they understand. That's why messaging is so important. It's the whole entry point in the funnel.

And when you do content, like, are you. Are you experimenting when you're starting out? Experimenting with, you know, kind of talking to different types of people? Like, what's that? Like, what have you found that, like, works really well, like, when you're starting out with the content to listen to your audience?

Yeah, I think. Testing. Looking at engagement. Looking at what people. I mean, but the thing is, engagement doesn't always tell you who's going to buy. The person who saves a post is more likely to buy than the person who maybe liked or put a funny comment. Most likely. Not always. I mean, it's. Look, nothing's an absolute here. Hey, I'm like, back off, Karen. You know, she's going to be like, I bought. And I commented, like, okay, but, you know, engagement is one metric. But I just think you really have to look all around and just see what resonates with people, you know, like my launch offer that I do. So we build out people's launch strategies, and then we either just give it to them or we execute it for them, depending on their package. We build out launch strategies. That just came from me listening, because to me, launches are so in my body, like, I've been doing them for so long, that I forget. I think this is very common. I forget that it's very unique and valuable, and not everyone gets it like I do. So a lot of people don't necessarily get that, like, what they do is very unique and valuable for others. So, like, listen. And I just heard person after person after person after person want help with their launch strategy. So I'm like, well, we might as well make this an offer. It's like listening. Talked about that before with the men.

We did.

Yeah. You. You. Hombres. Hombres. A scooch of.