Episode 8: The Power of Authentic Connections with Alex White

Welcome to Scar Tissue, the podcast. I'm your host, Melissa Dugalecki. And here we understand the power that lies within our pain, that lies within the scars and the wounds and the nicks and the burns that come with the experience of life. When we learn how to leverage this, it is a powerful tool and capital that not only can take you to your next level in your life, but can make massive impact on others as well in the most beautiful ways. So here on Scar Tissue, we have real, raw and relatable conversations that will show you that there is not one way to live. That the word should doesn't exist and doesn't serve us in the vocabulary of our lives. That you are meant to live and create your most authentic self and that we are worthy of everything but entitled to nothing. It is up to us to create it and to create from a place of love, opportunity, possibility and authenticity. Let's dive in. All right, everybody, I am so excited to welcome in my friend and an amazing human, Alex White. Today, he is not only an incredible thought leader in the space, he is an entrepreneur, a serial entrepreneur. He is a father. He is constantly learning, a lifelong learner, lifelong student, and really just one of the most committed and kind humans I know who has been just such an incredible pole and beacon of both strength, light and support in my life. And now what a gift I get to introduce you all. So Alex, welcome to the show.

Thank you for having me. I. I am, I am excited to be here and I'm grateful.

What a journey we've been on.

Yeah, it's been, I don't know, what, like four years now? Four years going on.

Just about four years, you know, and I think it really speaks to too. Like we just met through being in a mutual community. And I think it speaks to the power of putting yourself in environments where you can connect with people who are like minded and committed to doing great things.

Yeah, I think that, you know, allowing yourself to do difficult things and put yourself in positions where you are not in control is always beneficial. And I think that was the environment that first we got introduced and then that's how our relationship really blossomed was like me not being in control and being okay with not knowing. Right. Which is a huge test of ego. Right. But you know, those all things will work out. And in groups like that, you end up finding people who you really resonate with as long as you come in as your authentic self. And I think that was one thing that I have always respected about you is like being in those environments. You don't let the environment dictate how you show up. You show up as your authentic self, and that shapes the. The nature of the room. And. And, you know, that's something that I have always tried to do as well. So I think that was one of the things that has helped us connect.

You know, on many levels, authenticity over everything. So tell the listeners, like, a little bit about. I mean, you have an incredible background, incredible story, but give us, like, a little bit of, you know, a rundown of what you're creating in this world and how that people.

Yeah, well, I think what I'm the. The backstory. You know, I was a kid who grew up all sisters. My single mom didn't really have great relationship with the men in my life and led a lot to sports. That was my first kind of escape. That was my outlet in getting really in touch with my body. And then through a series of life events, you know, I was a creator, played music, was in, you know, theater and acting and all these other various things, really trying to get as many experiences in my life, just allowing myself and my teens and early 20s to dabble in as much as I possibly could. And eventually, what that led me down was this road of trying to figure out who I was and, you know, really trying to focus more on my own personal development and feeling like I was somebody who was worthy of the things that I ultimately wanted in my life. And that what I really sat down and thought about it was like, I wanted to be a good husband, I wanted to be a good father. I wanted to be a good man. And those things mattered more to me than anything else. And that was really, you know, what the path was early on in my life was figuring out how to do that. And, you know, through a series of events, I ended up starting a training business and training company. And that was what I was really familiar with, really good at. That's what I studied. And that process of learning how to not only help myself get better through training my body, which is what, you know, athletes do their whole entire lives, I learned how to really focus on doing that with my clients and. And I would get into their minds through their bodies, and that kind of became this evolution of training that I did for or have been doing for over 20 years now. And that kind of got me going in a variety of different directions. So where I am right now is really focusing on, you know, how do I take the mental and emotional skills that I've learned and developed throughout my own life, and creating containers for men and women to learn how to really find themselves and. And not become, you know, trapped in a cycle of looping, endless self help, and all that other sort of stuff. It's like, how can we really teach people to be empowered so they have the ability to do these things on their own? And that's where I am in my life now.

You just said a couple things that I think are really powerful to speak more into. One, the endless loop of self help. I think so many people remain stagnant because they believe if they read the books, do the podcast, like, whatever it is, do the things that they are developing, but they're just in a consumption phase, constantly consuming and reflecting, and they're not actually taking the action to develop themselves. And so I'd be curious to hear your thoughts on that.

Yeah, 100%, I agree. Because one, you got way too many people out in the ecosphere telling everybody else, like, you need what I've got. You need what I've got. Whether it's a big multinational corporate corporation or some individual who's really good at marketing in the middle of Iowa. Right. Like, everybody is out there figuring out how to tell everybody else, like, you need what I have. In reality, we all have what we need. We just need to slow down. And the challenge is, is that if I take responsibility, this is a perfect thing that I learned in my own life, is that I spent so much time looking for the answers from everybody else that I wasn't allowing myself to take responsibility for making the decisions on my own. And the real shift in anybody's life, in every client I've ever worked with and any person I've ever discussed this with, the shift occurs when I take accountability for my own thoughts and actions and become the creator of my own life. And when I do that, I'm no longer looking out for the answers I have. I know that I innately have the answers inside, and I'm looking at the outside world for feedback. And that shift is in the keyword that you said, which is action. People are afraid to take accountability and then take action because they know they'll be responsible for whatever comes next. And that's scary.

Well, so many directions I want to go have, but I think that really leads into their fear of taking action is what if I do it incorrectly? And something you and I about a lot is, you can't it up.

Yeah. Yeah.

Either a lesson or it's a win.

That's right. Yeah.

How has that philosophy. Right. Allowed you to further yourself in your life? Because so many people who Are, you know, listening, or just in our world in general, hold themselves back. If we're really being honest with ourselves, they hold themselves back for fear of failure. They don't want to risk, and it feels like a risk because, well, what if I do it incorrectly? But if they can adapt the mindset that you have mastered around, it's a lesson. Or when perhaps that somebody listening could take that risk or do that thing that they've been holding back from doing. So can you speak into that?

Absolutely. So I think the first thing that we all need to get comfortable with and agree with is that the arc of mastery is not from, like 0 to 100. Nobody is born walking. Everybody has to fall down. And when you become masterful at something, you have all of these data points that you get from starting out and failing. It's like you start, you set a goal, and then you fail. That is a requirement in order to become masterful at something. And then you iterate and you learn, and you iterate and you learn, and you just don't give up, and you keep going all the way until you become masterful at something. And if we understand and agree that that is the process to becoming really good at anything in your entire life, then we recognize that that first phase is failure. And people get so fearful of failure, probably because of conditioning, because of school, because of whatever you want to put in there, Testing, like, all these sorts of things that we get conditioned to from the industrial kind of society. We are afraid to make mistakes. So what we've got to be okay with is recognize that the arc to mastery, the arc to success, starts with failure. And if we are okay with that, then what we really understand is that failure is not the definition or the end result. It is part of the process. And if it's part of the process, it's giving us data points for learning. And if you really think about this, I believe that all learning, whatever I'm learning, is winning. That's good. Like, if I can learn this, then I can get really good at it and I can use it somewhere else in my life. So if we agree that learning is winning and winning is winning, then the only way to do it is to win and win whether you make a mistake or not. Because if I make the mistake now, I know what not to do. And that gives me one more way of thinking that moves me forward. And I think that for me, that that ideology was probably the. One of the biggest shifts in my world in my early 20s, really, which was something that came from life in sports. Right. Life in sports really helps us know, you know, how am I playing my position? How is my position fit into everything else? If I move to a new position, I play a new sport. You know, coaches are giving me feedback, my teammates are giving me feedback. Like, you're getting all of these data points. That same skill set is applicable in business. It's applicable in your relationships. It's applicable in. In parenting. Right. You just shift the lens of getting that feedback to understand what you're doing. And. And again, the more data points of mistakes or failures, the lessons. The more lessons you have, the more you can learn, the more data points you can pull from to, like, shoot yourself like a skyrocket forward to whatever direction you want to go.

It's so powerful. And I think there's something I've been speaking into a lot that I think you'll resonate is like, there are different types of capital. And, you know, there's relationship capital, there's obviously financial capital, there's time capital, but there's experience capital.

Yes.

I just heard you speaking into was actually the value of experience capital. And so it's like, anyone listening, if you go out there and you risk and you go for it, you're actually generating capital. The only way that you don't generate capital is by not taking action.

Yeah. Inaction is limiting you. Right. There's like, the nature of energy is to keep moving. Right. Everything that is alive has energy that's moving. And then when you realize if you stop moving and that energy stops moving, well, what are you?

Right.

Dead right. So that's the whole thing is like, as a human being, I can't allow myself to become stagnant. Whether that's stagnant in my relationship, stagnant in my knowledge, stagnant in my movement. Because if I'm not moving right, my body starts to hurt. If I'm not, like, bouncing back and forth in my relationship, then my relationship becomes stale. Right. If I'm not educating myself, if I'm not breathing, if I'm not all of these things. Energy is meant to move, and so is money. Money is meant to move. Right. Money is meant to be invested and deployed and. Right. And all of these things, like, if we start looking at just the nature of energy in general across all categories, everything that you're saying is correct because it's different types of capital and investment that we're utilizing or pushing forward so that we can start to create momentum.

So good. So good. So the basis of this newest iteration of my podcast is really around living a not normal life. So as we started, it was like, very much grief. Right. And that kind of evolved. And what I found was the common denominator between guests. And what I was talking about is, like, what does it mean to live a not normal life? Right. And you've done some things that would be considered not normal, which I want to talk about. But before we get into those, I just want to acknowledge something. Earlier, you said that you made the commitment and one of your goals was to be a good husband and a good father.

Yeah.

I just want to, like, really land and allow you and the audience to hear that. You are absolutely the most exemplary husband and father that I know. And truthfully. And a lot of people say, you know, men and women can't be friends, and you're one of my best friends. And the reason in which that can exist in an environment is because there is just such a clear. Always has been. I mean, for both of us, but clear boundaries. Right. Like, it's so clear. It's so easy. Right. It's so easy. And you're so committed to your family, and that's such a big part of who you be that I benefit from that. It allows me to feel safe and comfortable being in friendship, knowing, like, of course this is a safe place.

Yeah.

Tell you, like, you know, there are other places that I've been, and it's very natural. I'm sure anyone can relate. Where that wall isn't there and there's a little bit more gray. And I don't mean wall, because you never put walls up. But, like, I don't know, it's a boundary. It's a.

It's a boundary. Yeah, absolutely.

You know what I'm saying?

Yeah. And I think it's first. Thank you. Right. Thank you. Because, you know, that is. That is a core value for me. Like, my number one core value is really. Right. The family that I've been able and been blessed to create with my wife and my. My daughters. That. That is everything to me. Right. And then everything else comes after that. Right. Money, business. Right. Any kind of notoriety or success. You know, my fulfillment starts with my family. And, you know, I talk a lot about. And even in coaching, I talk a lot with my clients about values and the of values. And it's very easy for me through all of the experiences that I've had in all of the quote, unquote, lives that I've been blessed to live and the experiences that I've had, to be able to see how values from an energetic perspective come up in the world, right? And, you know, people will talk a lot about things, but actions speak louder than words. And when you see how someone acts, when you hear what they're saying and see what they're doing, that is a clear demonstration of what they actually value. And what I often see is that what people really value and what they think they value, they don't know. And it's because they haven't taken time to slow down and really evaluate for themselves. So they just keep trotting along, doing what they think they're supposed to do, or they keep acting in a way that, you know, maybe served them when they were in their twenties, but now that they're married and they've got kids, they're still acting like they did when they were in their 20s. But that's why, you know, their relationship doesn't work. And I think that awareness, for me, at the different stages. Stages of my life and taking time to pause and really reflect, you know, I've done things in my life with the intention of, like, yo, I got to disassociate from everything so that I can what I call unpack my bag. And then when I unpack my bag, I make this decision about what I'm going to put back in it. And it starts with, what do I value right now at this stage of my life? And for me, it was always, how do I become someone who is worthy of having a beautiful marriage and creating a wonderful family?

So good. And you've done just that, truthfully.

Thank you.

Really, really beautiful to witness and to be so. I know. I can't wait to meet your girls. You know, you just said something again that I want to elaborate on, which was, what are my values at this stage in my life?

Yes.

I think there are two parts that are really important here. One is bringing the awareness, like, if. If anyone listening doesn't know what your values are and this stage of your life, start there, right?

100.

You know, like. And I. There was a time in my life where I didn't know what my values were. My values were what society told me they should be actually, until the loss of my daughter laid. And truthfully, that I began thinking differently because it was like, well, she shouldn't have died. And then it was like, but she did. So all of a sudden the word should, like, you should watch football all day Sunday, right? You should do this, you should do that. That's what we do. That's what you should do, right? Like, that all just fucking went out the door. Right.

Yeah.

So that was where for me in my journey, and it was until I was 30 years old, actually began thinking about my values. So if somebody is listening who isn't sure of their values, like, let this be an invitation to do that. Secondly, what you're talking about was aligning your values with your actions. And so I'm curious, like what your values are right now and what you would offer to support somebody in establishing their values and aligning their actions.

Absolutely. So. But right now my top three values for me are my family and my, my relationships. I am adamantly like listening to books. I'm reading articles about how to be a better father. Right. Different ways to understand my daughters. I'm constantly listening and evaluating how can I be a better husband. So those one or two things, whether you want to break them up as like a partner relationship and then parenting as two separate things, then I'm thinking always about my own personal development. How can I evolve and really step more of in an authentic way, what is my power and gift? And I'm constantly searching to drive that. And then the third thing that I'm focused on in terms of my value right now is making sure that I'm having impact. And that for me right now I was through growing my business. And why I say the impact component through business, because some people would say like, well, is that financial or is that career? For me, I don't think about it like through business because I'm focused on money. I've always been focused on impact. How can I shape someone's life? How can I impact them? And I've been, I've spent, you know, 40 years, the last 20 some odd years of like really working on developing myself and building this skill set and learning it and doing it really well. And I cared more about that than I did about making it a business. Now I'm so good at doing that that now I have to learn how to do it as a business so that I can actually have the, the bigger impact that I want. And I find that to be the most important thing in that like, way of thinking. Because a lot of people will go into it, get really good at business, but they're really bad at their skill or. Right. The. A lot of things have shifted in the world where people pretend to be professionals or high skill at something when they're really just good at the business or really good at the marketing or really good at the interacts here, but they're not good at the thing that they're selling. So yeah, that to me, you know, my family, my partner relationship, my own personal development, and then, you know, building my, my business and really focusing on purpose. So those are my, you guys, I guess you could call them four values. And then the way that I think about with my, my clients when we go through the process of value values, if someone is having a difficult time identifying their values, one of the easiest places to start is, is in friction, right? And thinking about what is it that you don't want, what are the things that you don't care about, right? And then we start looking for things where friction is real in your world, real in your life. Is there friction in your friend group? Is there friction in like how you're eating or how you're sleeping? Is there friction in maybe the music that you're listening to or the, the work that you're doing? And once we find friction, we start asking questions about why. What is it about that friction that you don't like? Because inadvert. When you start asking questions about what you don't want, what surfaces is what you do want. And by going through that process of elimination, it makes it really easy to start to figure out what you do want. And one thing that I want to be really clear on is that you're never going to sit down and go, well, these are my values and be right right away, right? It's again, those data points you've got to be okay with sitting down and saying, these are the values that I am, I think are correct. I'm going to work with, with these. And as you start moving through your life with this identified list of three, four or five values, and then you find yourself making decisions or taking actions, you will feel in your body like, wait, I really want to do this thing, or I'm having an issue with this thing, but that is you opposed to this value that I've set for myself. And once you start taking this and throwing it against the wall and making decisions and going out and living in the world, then you start really going, oh, wait, no, okay, let me come back and ref to this because I actually value this more than I value that. And when you start to do that, it, it becomes really clear in your life. And I think when you can sit down with a level of calm and collectedness, it makes it easier for you to get grounded in what your values are. And, and here's an example. I will often work with men who are really successful and one of the things that they will tell me is that their marital relationships and that their Family are. Are the highest value. And I'll say, okay, cool. And we'll write those things down. Oh, we got balloons.

We got balloons coming in. This is like, it's a party.

And I think I'm frozen.

Yeah, you are. But it's good. We'll keep. I can hear you fine.

Perfect. Maybe it'll come through. Let's do this. Bam. There we go. So one of the things that they'll say to me is, I'll work with men, and they'll tell me, you know, that the. The most important value is, like, their marital relationship and their parenting. And I'll say, okay, cool. We'll take note of that. And then as go along in, like, a coaching session, they'll tell me, yeah, well, my kids were doing this, but, you know, I had this business meeting, and I, you know, I took off and I did that, and I'm like, oh, okay, cool. And then they'll tell me, oh, yeah, you know, I. Last minute, this thing came in, and I canceled this date with my wife, and I went out with these business guys. And it. Right. Well, what they're doing is they're showing me that their actions. With their actions, they're showing me what they actually value. And then we get to a point where I have to be the mirror, and I shine that back at them, and I say, look, this is what you told me, but these are the actions that you took. Book. See where the friction is. Now you get to make a decision. Do you actually value your career and your business and your status more than your wife and your kids? That's your choice. I'm not here to judge, but you have to make that decision because what you're doing and what you're saying, they are not in alignment. And I. And I have found that the men in my life who I really value are the ones who have decided intentionally to, like, pull back from a lot of those things because their families matter more, because their relationship with their spouse matters more. And that has an impact on how they show up. They miss meetings, they cancel meetings, they reschedule thing. Like, they don't fly out at the last minute to go do something. Right. They make these decisions where it really matters. They're there. And that is the most important thing in my world. So I see that. And that's an example of the value showing up and how someone lives their life.

It's so good. And so the teacher in me is like, action step for the listeners.

Write this down.

Yeah, I know. I'm such a teacher. I Can't even help it. But 10 years in the classroom, guys, I really would invite anybody listening to write down what your core values are. Write them down, put them as the screensaver of your phone, like any decision you're making. Am I in alignment? Because I think a lot of stress, overwhelm, anxiety, depression. I think a lot of these things come from not being one, aware and then two, not being in alignment.

Yeah, And I would, I would add to that too. There's two things that I would add to this. One, I think that the stress and anxiety, the depression and all of that is because people allow themselves to not be present in the moment. They get wrapped up fearing the future, like they don't have control over it, or they get lost in the past, right. Wishing that they would have done something different or that something different would have happened, instead of acknowledging and accepting what is reality in this moment. The other thing is that when you write down your values, it's also important to write down what those values mean and what they look like. Because if you're familiar with nlp, like neuro linguistic programming, every word to each person has its own value set. And you could think of this like Webster's Dictionary, right? If I have this word, I would, I would give it its own explanation. You might give it its own explanation, and those two explanations might be different. So what is a really important piece is that when I take those values, I need to write them down and not only say, like, what does this mean to me? But it is also incredibly important to take a moment and then say, how does this show up in my life? How do I want to embody this in my life? Because if you say that I want my relationship to be important, what does that look like when my relationship is necessary or I need to be working on it? Like, if I'm in an argument with my wife and I want my relationship to be strong, do I want to just overpower her or do I want to ignore her? Or what does it look like for that relationship to be important? Well, for me, it would mean I need to give myself a moment to pause so that I don't react. I need to listen to what she's saying, and I need to ask myself, is there some validity to this? What is. Where is she coming from? I try to understand with empathy and compassion, and I try to take my own ego out of it. So, like, it is really important that when you have those values, it's more important to say what those values mean to you. Because even in the exercise of saying, well, what does this mean? Well, how does it show up? You might have an idea of what the word means, but when you go and define it, it. You might actually understand that that word is actually not the word that you were striving for. And now what you're gifted with is the opportunity to uplevel your vocabulary. And. And like a thesaurus, you can switch this word out for this one, because this is what it actually means. And now when you say it, that harmonic resonance of it feeling alive inside of you really fires you up and you go, bam, that's it. And then you never stray away from it.

Yeah, I love that so much. And I. I really do believe a lot of times we throw words out there without really understanding the meaning. So of course we can align. We don't understand the meaning. Like, of course, of course. All right, so tell us. This is all about that. Not should life, right? Yeah, that's what I'll say.

Don't on yourself.

Don't on yourself. Right?

Yeah.

Just what comes to mind right now, One thing that is, like, that you've done in your life, that is very much not normal, that is very much not good. And I want to hear about it.

For me, the thing that I think is uniform across my life, this actually was something that happened very early in my life. If something is not working and I really know it and feel it, whatever it is, I will stop it, and it doesn't matter what it is. So what I mean by that is I've been in. I've worked for other people. I've been in jobs before, and, you know, I've quit. I have turned things down. I've had offers for lots of money and to do things. And if I feel that it is not right, like, I know, like, I just. I'm not. I'm not gonna do it. You know, the same thing in relationships, you know, as a young man, you know, you make questionable decisions before you really have that level of consciousness about the impact, you know, that your actions and your words can have on someone else. And, you know, when you get to a point where you've made enough mistakes, you realize, like, hey, I'm not going to do that, because I see what it does to this person on the other side. And that. That. That awareness is alive everywhere in your life. So I remember there was a period where I got a job when I was like, 13, handing out flyers for, like, a local pizza joint that was down at campus at the university. And I. I enrolled my friends to take what Would have been a five hour job and turn it into a 30 minute job where we're all running through these neighborhoods putting flyers and mailboxes and hanging them on doors. And somebody called the cops and the cops came and we got, you know, not in trouble. But they went back to the pizza joint and the pizza joint was like, hey, you were supposed to do this by yourself, not with all these kids. And now the police and all this stuff. And they now it's a bad look on the pizza place. So they're scolding me and yelling at me and they fired me. And I remember at 13, like getting fired was like, oh my God, like my world is over, like nobody's gonna hire me, like nothing is ever gonna. And I think going through that experience realizing like, yo, this is a pizza joint. It was like this little thing like that doesn't matter at all ever in the whole grand scheme of things. And, and just having that one little experience and then realizing like all of the things that I had gone through in school, right, when everybody tells you, well, your grades matter and this matters. And I was like, oh, well, does it really? And you start asking these questions, right? And then you start making decisions. And for me, you know, there have been plenty of times where I was like, look, this doesn't work, I'm going to go ahead and stop. And people be like, well, what about your career? Or what about this? I'm like, effort, you know, it is what it is and you just move on to the next thing. And, and you know, that has come through in so many ways in my life that, yeah, I'm not afraid of creating space and stopping something if it's not in alignment. And that, that really throws people for a loop sometimes.

I, I just think it speaks so powerfully into trusting the process, trusting yourself and being detached from the outcome. Which is something I, you know, pretty much say on repeat. But I do wanna, I do wanna mention and note that it takes a level of mastery to trust yourself that much.

Yeah.

And it takes practice. So somebody listening. What can you do to create more self trust? To know yourself better, to understand yourself, to be that committed to knowing. Because in my experience, I don't know about you, a lot of people confuse intuition and ego and they're like, oh, well, that doesn't feel good in my body. I'm not going to do that. And I'm like, that's your ego.

Yeah.

Like you are stretching and risking. In a way, you're afraid to fail or you don't want to do this like sometimes, yeah, it doesn't feel good in my body because it's not aligned for sure. But that's such a very commonly confused thing. And so, you know, before somebody just goes and quits their job and says like that doesn't work for me, they've got to do the level of work and find the mastery to know themselves and untangle those two. Because I really do see those so commonly just meshed.

Yeah. Yeah. So I think for me, when I reflect on my life, we talk about these data points. From a very early age, I had a lot of autonomy and independence, but I also grew up in a volatile environment where I had to learn how to discern between what was safe and what was unsafe. And by understanding in the external environment what was safe and unsafe, it gave me like a very high level of confidence in myself to be able to make, make things work. Right. Little things from like learning how to make my own breakfast, to choosing what clothes I was going to wear, to walking to school in elementary school by myself, like learning all of these things from a very early age just was like, well, it doesn't matter what comes because I'm gonna make it work no matter what. And, and that's because I know I'm capable. And one of the things that I find in that sort of a conversation with, you know, people that I'm working with is that we, we have very short sighted memories, right? We get lost in the immediacy of our life and we just evaluate ourselves based off of our, you know, losses or our, you know, mistakes or our, you know, problems as opposed to really showing grace and gratitude in the history of things that we have done, big or small, that were true testaments to like our own knowledge, our own self autonomy, our efficacy, right, Our own courage. And when we again build this practice of gratitude and slowing down, we really start to recognize and can see, you know, there's a whole series of things that we've done in our history that have gotten us to where we were in terms of successes. Our natural monkey mind wants to focus on our mistakes and our failures. So when we focus on those mistakes and failures, which is a survival instinct, it's natural and it is innate. We get wrapped up in, oh, what was me, the problems. Oh, now I get depressed. Oh, now I become anxious because I'm afraid that my future is going to be a representation of all of these things that I'm quote unquote doing wrong as opposed to, hey, it doesn't matter what happens, whatever happens is going to be a gift, to make me stronger. And now I can move forward with that. And I think when we talked about data points, I look at all the data points in my life. You know, somebody else hearing my life story would be like. Like, whoa, that is crazy. And every single one of those data points led me to another skill or another level of knowledge or another Something that came after that that became kind of like a superpower that I could use not only to connect with other people, but it became a superpower that I could use to remind myself of what I was fully capable of. Give me one second. That was getting way too hot. The light.

Oh, I didn't even notice. I know a little bit here, but we're good. We're good. We're figuring it out. Used to my much blonder hair. Like, no. All right. So as we're kind of like, you know, wrapping up, I think we've given the listeners a lot to process. But, like, action. I like action. Right? Action. Talked about that. That's what we started. It was like, don't just say it, right? So if somebody's like, okay, Alex, love all this. Like, but how do I create data points, points that look like. For someone who's not familiar with it? Like, what can they go do right now after listening to this podcast, to create data points in their life and understand that the result is not emotional? Because I think what happens, people will make it emotional. So how. What do you got for us?

Well, I think that there's a very good exercise that I've done in my life where you basically draw a line. And on that line, you might look at, let's say I'm 25, or I'm 35, or I'm 45, 55, 65. Enter whatever age you want. Boom. And it's a horizontal line, right? And on that line, I want to put above the line, the highest points in my life at the right age. And then below the line, I want to put the lowest points in my life. And what you want to do is you want to say, okay, well, this was the high. How did I fall from here down to here? And you start to evaluate. Well, maybe, you know, I wasn't really paying attention to what I knew. I should have quit that job or I should have ended that relationship, or I shouldn't have been doing this thing. Right. I felt it in my body, but I kept doing it because. Right. And then you get down to the bottom and you recognize, okay, here's the lowest point. What did I stop doing? And start doing in order to turn myself around to take me to that next highest point. Well, you know, I was, you know, constantly doubting myself. I was drinking too much, I was doing this, and I kept being negative. But then I allowed myself to be open and I got more friendly and I let more people into my life. And then all of a sudden I met this person and they really made me feel valuable and right. And you. And through this evaluation of like your fau from Grace and then your climb out of the gutter up to the sky, like, you start to really start to understand these lessons from your own life. And when you can evaluate these lessons from your own life, you become the sage. You're not looking out at anybody else. You are your own sage. And when you can look at those lessons from your own life, I'm willing to bet 99% of the time I've ever done this with someone, they recognize that those lessons that got them from the highest highs and then out of the lowest lows, those are some of the same lessons that they're using to, to live successfully right now. And they don't even know it. So just by doing that, you become your own guru. And that empowers so many people, so powerful.

And I want to give everyone permission or remind yourself, or remind you to give yourself permission to evolve and to let other people evolve. Because I think a lot of times what happens is, you know, it's like, oh, you've changed or yeah, how can you be that type of coach? Don't you remember when you did this? Like, oh, I'm actually a really good coach because of a lot of mistakes that I made. I'm actually way better at what I do because I face planted those face plants I chose into. Your point. I chose to learn the. Out of.

Absolutely that. There's three things here, right? Somebody. I don't remember where this came from, but somebody said this to me early on and they said that there's, there's three things that you need to remember, right? There's one person who is going to make a mistake and they're going to keep making that mistake because they've never learned from their own mistake. Then there's going to be somebody who makes a mistake and then they learn from their mistake, right? Then the genius is the person who sees somebody else make the mistake and they learn from their mistake without making it. The reality is, is that we all have to make mistakes. But when you get good at making mistakes and rebounding from them, then you become empowered to be Able to put yourself in someone else's shoes and learn from their mistakes so that you don't make them too. And when you get to a place where you're capable of doing that, like, everything shifts. So giving someone space to show up differently. Me is hard because there's this fear that if I see you growing and we come back and you're different and you've elevated and I'm the same, that's actually a reflection on me for not doing my work, and that makes me uncomfortable. So now I get to back to your question about intuition or, you know, ego. You get to sit with that for a moment. Right? Because if I'm feeling friction with that, that friction is because I'm feeling an attitude. Adequate. I'm feeling like I haven't really shown up in my greatest. And now you could look at that. If we were talking about reflection, seeing the mirror and being the mirror, that's an invitation for you to show back up and become the best or step into the next version of yourself. So I think, you know, the. The. The expectation that you need to show up the same way every time makes our relationship stale. The fact that when we come together, whether it's a partner relationship, a parenting relationship, a business relationship, Right. Anytime we come and you're doing something new, that gives us something to talk about, and it gives me something to evaluate on my own to see, like, oh, man, she did that. That's dope. Okay, well, how could that benefit me? Or is this something I could learn from her experience in that thing? And that is how people rise to the top, right?

Gosh, we're gonna have to do a whole podcast on that. But, you know, I think there's just so much there. So don't be afraid, you guys, if people think that you change, go change. That's it all. It's actually evolving. And in fact, the more that I evolve, the more love I have to give, the more experience I have to give. And, like, yeah, I don't really want to be in those. I was envisioning, as you were saying, that, like, we have. We have. Both of us have so much to talk about. Like, you drop in. It's like we're sitting here for a couple hours. You know what I mean?

Yeah, yeah. There's. There's too many things and not enough time.

Not enough time. But, like, God, I'm not. I don't want to talk about the glory days. Days, you know, that's what I was envisioning. People who are like, do you remember when you know?

Yeah.

And it's like create something. Create some new content to talk about. And with that, everyone like go out there and up, make mistakes, face plant. Just learn from it.

That's it. Yeah. Go do something.

You know, don't be harmful or mean, but if your intentions are pure and you're leading with love and you know, doesn't go the way. Yeah, you wanted it to. It's all good. It's all good.

Yeah, absolutely. You'll be fine. You'll make it up and have confidence in yourself to, to, to handle it, whatever it is. You're strong enough. We were built to do hard things.

We were built to do hard things. And let us know about it. Send me or Alex a dm. Speaking of which, Alex, where can you. Thank you so much for being on. Honestly, I know we could go for hours and hours and hours, but we. We'll have to do a part two. Honestly, we'll. We'll find some time. But where can people find you? How can they learn more about your work, your magic and all your wisdom?

People can find me on Instagram or on YouTube. Those are probably the two places. And that's the handle right there. How strong is strong? It's easy enough to find. Our company is called Peak Hipman Performance. So, you know, that's where a lot of the coaching and the programs happen. But if you just want to catch up with me or send me a dm, how strong is strong On Instagram is the easiest place to do it.

Okay. How strong is strong? We'll link everything guys in the show notes, so do not worry about it. But I can tell you, I mean, there are so many takeaways today's episode, but one that just feels the most present for me is put yourselves in environments to make meaningful, expansive relationships. Because absolutely such a gift to have you on here because not do I consider you one of my best friends. You are like a brother. So thank you.

I appreciate it. I love you and I'm grateful for the opportunity and I hope these words impact someone in a positive way.

Thank you so much for tuning in and sharing the space of scar tissue with me. I hope you found value in this episode. It is truly my commitment and goal to bring what I believe will serve you in your life no matter what you're navigating. Again, this show is inspired from the loss of my daughter Laden and through my grief journey. Really understanding empathy, understanding empowerment, understanding how to be the creators of our lives in whole new way that is stronger than circumstance, that focuses on progress, not perfection that loves the process, loves the process and lets go of attachment to outcome. So whatever resonated the most with you, allow that to serve you and you elevating to your next level. And if you love this show, please share it, please pass it along, spread this work and would mean so much if you took a moment to even rate and review it on Spotify or Apple podcasts. I appreciate being here with you all and it is an honor to witness your journeys and your greatness.