Melissa Dlugolecki explains why "at least" statements and similar phrases hurt grieving people. Saying things like "at least she wasn't older" or "everything happens for a reason" doesn't comfort. Instead, they invalidate feelings, introduce guilt, and make people question their own worth.
Almost always, a giveaway for toxic positivity is at least, because it is completely bypassing somebody's experience, right? So I got, at least she wasn't older. Well, that's not really helpful, and that's really kind of, uh, you're, you're telling me that I shouldn't be as sad as I am because she wasn't older. Your daughter wouldn't want you to be sad. Well, that's not helpful because now not only am I sad, now I feel guilty for feeling sad because my daughter wouldn't want me to be sad. So on top of my sadness, now I have guilt. God wouldn't give you something you couldn't handle. Well, now I'm wondering, like, well, did I ask for this? Right? Everything happens for a reason. Well, what could the reason be for— am I being punished?
