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Stop Saying "At Least"

27 Apr 2026 · 1 min

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In this excerpt from her YouTube video "Stop Saying 'At Least'," Melissa Dlugolecki explains how seemingly well‑meaning phrases—such as “at least,” “your daughter wouldn’t want you to be sad,” “God wouldn’t give you something you couldn’t handle,” and “everything happens for a reason”—function as classic examples of toxic positivity. She breaks down each line, showing how they bypass the speaker’s lived experience, invalidate grief, and often add layers of guilt or self‑blame. By highlighting the psychological impact of these dismissals, Dlugolecki urges listeners to move beyond platitudes and offer genuine, empathetic presence instead of quick comfort that silences pain.

Chapters

Almost always a giveaway for toxic positivity is "at least," because it is completely bypassing somebody's experience, right? So I got, "At least she wasn't older." Well, that's not really helpful, and that's really kind of, uh, you're, you're telling me that I shouldn't be as sad as I am because she wasn't older. "Your daughter wouldn't want you to be sad." Well, that's not helpful because now not only am I sad, now I feel guilty for feeling sad because my daughter wouldn't want me to be sad. So on top of my sadness, now I have guilt. God wouldn't give you something you couldn't handle. Well, now I'm wondering, like, well, did I ask for this, right? Everything happens for a reason. Well, what could the reason be for— am I being punished?