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This Is One Of The Biggest Lessons My Daughter Ever Taught Me.

8 Aug 2026 · 1 min

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In this personal monologue, Melissa Dlugolecki reflects on the concept that there is no hierarchy of loss—each person's grief is valid and incomparable. She shares a story about a close friend who felt guilty for mourning the challenges of caring for a newborn while her own child was alive, juxtaposing it with Melissa’s own experience of losing a daughter. Melissa uses this anecdote to illustrate how societal expectations can shame individuals for feeling upset, and she emphasizes the need to eradicate any ranking of suffering, asserting that each loss stands on its own.

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There's no hierarchy. There's no comparison in loss. Your loss is your loss. My loss is my loss. My loss doesn't make your loss any less. Your loss doesn't make mine any more or less. That is a life lesson right there my daughter taught me, because I'll never forget when one of my best friends was afraid to tell me that she was struggling as a mom to a newborn because her daughter wasn't sleeping, and she felt guilty for being upset that she was mourning kind of the life that she knew because she should feel grateful because her daughter was alive. Do we see the guilt and the shame in that? Like she can't have her experience because my daughter died. No, I am here to completely— use one of Mike's favorite words— eradicate the hierarchy.