Nathan Miller reflects on his pattern of forcing outcomes in relationships and business, recounting a nine-month Tinder relationship he pursued out of desperation. He argues that chasing results externally doesn't work; instead, he advocates for internal growth first—reading stoicism, maintaining positive energy, curating your media diet—so the right opportunities naturally attract themselves.
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So this is kind of a random video. It's kind of a rant. Not intending this to get a ton of views or anything, but hopefully you guys get something from this and you guys can, you know, learn from me. And from the lessons I'm learning right now, I have realized, and God has totally made me realize recently, that I have an issue with forcing relationships. And this is something that's not about E. Com, but it does have to do with Ecom as well. The lesson can apply to E Comm and drop shipping and all these different things, right? Forcing is just not what you want to do. So, for example, I'm going to use the relationship example because that's more relevant in my last relationship, right? I definitely forced it. And I was on Tinder, you know, met this girl off Tinder, took her on a few dates, things were going well. Then she became my girlfriend. But the whole time, like, it was more like I was just. I was so desperate to have someone to love, right? To have someone to do things for and, you know, show appreciation to. And I was desperate. Like, I really was. And I realized in that now I was, like, making pretty good money. And I was like, you know, I want a relationship. That's what I want. And I forced it. And that, honestly, was not the greatest, greatest thing for me in hindsight. I. I let a lot of things slip. I let a lot of my morals go. I let a lot of standards drop. To be honest, it's not like she was a terrible person. I'm not saying she was. She's not a terrible person. But I. It wasn't up to my standards, and it wasn't up to my standards for a while, and I never really felt great about it. And it went on for, like, nine months. And I have learned that lesson. And, you know, we broke up because I came out here and whatnot, and, you know, other reasons I'm not going to get into. But, like, then after we broke up, right, you know, I was, like, getting back out there. I was, like, trying to, you know, just talk to more girls, you know, just get out there, you know, meet people. And I just realized I was like, this is not. This is the same thing I'm doing again, like, being on these dating apps. This is not what you're supposed to do. You're not supposed to focus on the. It's just being desperate if you're on. Like, I was on Tinder, bro, and I was swiping, and I was on Hinge and I was swiping, matching people and texting and all this stuff and focusing on the external way, way too much. When that's not how you find your partner, that's not how you find success, that's not how you succeed at anything. The only way you can, the way you exceed at stuff or succeed at things is yeah, you got to put in some effort. But it's mostly focusing on the internal. Because what your internal is, right, how you think, what you believe, you know, how your energy is. If your, is your energy good is. Do you have a, like a vibrant, like great energy about you? Those things, it will attract what you want. It will attract that same energy to it. That's why I'm living here. We're in the basement and you can see we got a sick theater over there's a pool table, foosball, right? Projector, like got a gym over there. Like this is like a 5 million dollar house. How did I get here? It's definitely not just because I grinded ecom. It's because I have this energy about me and it attracts things to me, right? Because I was moving, literally, I was literally moving. I was fine. I was like, dude, I. I need to find a new place to stay. My lease is up, right? I'm definitely not going to stay in the same apartment in the same town. I was looking to move somewhere else and I was looking at all these different cities. I was like, ah, I don't know. Like, I was like, I really just want to be somewhere where I'm surrounded and I prayed about this. I want to be somewhere where I'm surrounded by like minded individuals who kind of do what I do. I'm in a good environment and we can learn and grow together. That's all I wanted. And this is. Look where we're at. We're in the printer, bro. Like, this is crazy. And that didn't happen for me. Forcing it. Like, imagine if I just went out and like texted a bunch of people, say, hey, like you want to live together like and did all this stuff, right? It's, it's less likely to happen. But when things naturally happen like that, they're not coincidences, right? You're attracting that, that energy, you're attracting these scenarios. The same with like my business, dude. Like, yeah, I was putting in work every day, but I wasn't like super desperate about it. And I was broke, but I was not desperate. I can tell you that. My mindset was not in there. I had a very, very good mindset and I built this mindset because I was working on myself. I was focusing on the internal for years. Since I was 18 years old, I told myself, I was like, I'm gonna only focus on what I control, and I'm gonna take full accountability for every. Everything in my life. If my relationships, my family aren't good enough, that's on me. If I'm not making enough money, that's on me. If my shape, if I'm not in shape, that's on me. I took full accountability. And what happened? I was like, okay, I have a lot of things to work on. So I started to work on them. Started to work on how I think, what I believe, how, like, different, like, putting knowledge in my head, reading books, you know, practicing stoicism, reading about money, reading about how to think, reading about manifestation and attracting and like, all these different things, right? And all that has built me up. It's like, leveled my, like, internal system up to where my thoughts are not like the average person anymore, I think. I didn't. I'm not saying this to be cocky, but, like, I'm very. I'm much more positive than the average person. I. I have much more grace. I'm much more, like, ambitious. But, like, I'm also very grateful at the same time. I am grateful for so many things. And, like, I don't. Don't get doubt and I don't get super down. Like, I don't. And the reason why I don't is because I'm not. Like, I understand that what comes to me is deserved. And if I just focus on myself, these things are going to come. If I focus on, you know, taking action every day on my goals, for example, taking action every day, but also not just taking action on my goals, you know, learning, like, upgrading my internal, like, software, whatever people want to call it, and really just making sure that I'm consuming good content as well. Like your diet, not only your food diet, but what you consume on social media, what you consume on YouTube. If you're watching this video, you're doing the right thing, because this is good content right here. This is going to uplift you. And I'm sure you, after this video, you're going to feel good. That's because this is good. Like, this is a good diet. This is good content for you to watch. This inspires you. It lifts you up. It's not like the stuff that makes you feel depressed and anxious and all these other things, right? It just. It's not just entertaining. It's. You're teaching you something. And that's what I'm Learning. That's what I'm learning. And there's a lot of people, like, there's kids in my discord who talk about I'm having all these doubts and stuff like that. I'm like, okay, dude, well, you know, you're doing the right thing. You're. You're trying ecom, right? You're testing products, but you got to be working on yourself as well. You got to be working on how you think, got to be reading books. You got to be doing everything you can to upgrade your internal system so you can have this crazy energy about you that attracts good things. Because that's what happens. And that's what I'm doing now. Like, I'm not gonna be doing like, I did Cold Approach girl last week, and I got her. I. I got a number. I got a number. But it wasn't the right thing to do because that's, like, forcing it, and that's being like, you know, nah. Like, unless I was like, I broached her, and I was like, just like, whatever. But that's not how it was. I was like, that girl's hot as hell. I'm gonna approach her. I got her number, and then I texted her. And that's not what I want to do. I want things to come to me. And the right things will come to you at the right times if you focus on yourself. And so that's when I want to get it. Get into your guys's brain. That's what I wanted to talk about. It's like the saying, like, I don't know what they're trying to cut, but whatever. Let's say, like, you're trying to cut a hard block of cheese, and you got. You got a sword. Should you spend or. Wait, no, it's. It's the. The axe in the tree. You know, a good. A good lumberjack spends. If he has five hours to cut a tree, he spends four hours sharpening the axe, right? Getting that sharp as hell. So he can just slice through that thing and just. Just what he wants, right when he wants it, right? That's what you got to do. You got to sharpen your ax, bro. You got to make yourself sharp. You got to make yourself think good. You gotta have a good physique, all right? You got to be. You got to have a positive energy about you, or else the good things in life, you might get them, like, temporarily, right? You might be able to attract it temporarily. It's not going to stick because you're not him, so you need to become him. First you need to think, believe and see and just be, like, amazing and joyful and grateful and all these different things, all these positive emotions and just have a great aura about you. Like, literally a great aura. And things will come to you. So thanks for meant to head talk. Thanks for watching, and I'll see you guys in the next one. Bye.
