In this video, Ralph Brewer answers a viewer’s question about whether a wife can suddenly become asexual. He explains that a loss of sexual desire can stem from many sources, including psychological factors such as stress, anxiety, and depression; hormonal changes like perimenopause and menopause, which may require hormone replacement therapy; past sexual trauma; and the “smothering” effect of long‑term domesticity and security that can dampen libido. Brewer distinguishes between temporary sexual dormancy—often reversible when circumstances change—and genuine asexuality, which he notes is relatively rare and more of an innate orientation. He also discusses an evolutionary perspective, suggesting that some people regain sexual interest after a divorce because being single triggers a biological drive to find a new mate. Throughout, he emphasizes that while environmental and emotional factors can push someone toward asexual‑like behavior, true asexuality is a distinct, stable identity.
Chapters
MrGuitarGod365 Facebook says, do you think, or have you seen relationships where the wife becomes asexual? I get that she may lose libido for him, but says she never thinks of sex. Even erotic romance where, uh, even the erotic romance she reads doesn't actually turn her on. Well, sure, um, you know, people go through changes, dude. Um, the, the question then is, well, what the heck caused this sudden It could be a lot of things. Human sexual desire is kind of complicated. It could be— it can be lessened via stress, anxiety. Take a person who's severely depressed, and we will, you know, maybe do a blood draw on them and run it, and it's like, oh, your hormones are all in line, everything's fine. Physically, we're looking at you. You look good. Everything's cool. What's going on with you? I'm depressed. Oh, well, that's why your sexual desire is down. So you can see how just something as, as simple as the emotional component of it can have drastic effects on what's happening downstairs, up here in your brain. And, um, so that's one thing. That's one of a thousand things that it could be, dude. Perimenopause, menopause. You're familiar with this, the natural downturn of the hormonal makeup in women. For some women, not all, it results in a complete shutdown of sexual desire. And to get back in the mood for that act is straight up work. And sometimes they just do not have the energy to put into the work to get into that mindset, if they ever can get back into that mindset. And for those women, they can look into hormonal replacement therapy, other therapy. There may be some emotional hangups outside of depression and outside of perimenopause. There may be things such as past sexual trauma Um, much, much of what we've seen in terms of— how to best to put this— sexual dysfunction or intimacy problems within a marriage. We are together, uh, we're committed, we have kids, and oh my gosh, all this stuff just can't kind of bubble to the surface, as I often say. Suddenly she has libido issues. Suddenly she's questioning, maybe I'm asexual. And you're like, where the hell did this all come from? Um, for some, when we are smothered by the blanket of all that domesticity and safety and security and matrimony or whatever the hell you want to call it, it just smothers sexuality completely. It's just gone. And sure as shit, if and when you divorce and they're back on the market and they are single, a switch flips. This happens to men and women both. I have seen it. I know I'm biased as a man. I have seen it more so with women. Where it goes from dormant, asexual, to I'm sexual again. It's Mother Nature doing its thing, making you— you're back on the market. You're supposed to be find a new mate, make new babies, even if that's not on the— in the plans for you. That's just what Mother Nature has imprinted us with. Um, so it could just be that she is of the, uh, persuasion, if you will, uh, that once committed, that stuff just shuts down. And once she's out of the commitment, she blossoms again, if you will. Those people tend not to make very good long-term monogamous relationship partners as far as the love, romance, and sexuality is concerned. It just goes away for them. We all know those people. We've heard of those people. I talk to those people or spouses of those people on a daily basis. So that happens. Um, now does she become asexual? You know, asexuality is a word that's thrown around a lot, and it's relatively rare. Like pretty rare, like people that are genuinely asexual. Um, I think that is something that is basically a part of you, as much just like if you're a bisexual, homosexual, heterosexual, asexual, you don't necessarily become any of those things, but some things can happen environmentally outside of your control, which can push you in some of those directions. And it could be something that's pushed her in the direction of what you call asexuality, or what I often refer to as sexual dormancy.
